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1
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,542
I will never sell this company.
A buyout is not an option.
2
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,144
You know what
"buyout" means?
3
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,080
They buy us, we're out.
Okay,
4
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,914
just listen to me.
The Hamasaki people--
5
00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,316
they promise that
nothing's gonna change.
6
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,917
(scoffs)
L... They're
a very
7
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,887
ethical corporation.
Ethical corporation?
That's like saying
8
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,223
a pro-choice Republican
or a partial circumcision.
9
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,724
They don't exist.
10
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:26,026
Sydney, we want to know
11
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,329
what you think.
Yeah, let's hear what my
daughter has to say.
12
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,530
Okay, um,
13
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,499
well, I-I see both sides of it.
14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,501
You know, a big corporation
would give us leverage
15
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,936
and-and open certain doors.
But, on the other hand,
16
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:38,272
I'd be worried about
our creative autonomy...
Okay, you know what, you're
17
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,274
not even an equity partner.
She doesn't get to vote.
18
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:42,176
Yeah, why'd we even ask her?
19
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,111
Simon, do you
understand what kind
20
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,545
of money we're
talking about?
21
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,280
This is "make your
own species" money.
22
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,015
I want one of those
tiny giraffes
23
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,350
like the guy has
on the commercial.
24
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,285
Well, we all want that,
Gordon, but at what price?
25
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,287
What price, Gordon? All right,
you know what? You give me
26
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:56,090
no choice. I'm gonna
call a meeting...
What?
27
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,725
with the board.
28
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,693
(whistles)
You monster.
That's right.
29
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,595
Why is Simon so
scared of the board?
30
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:02,863
Because the board's
made up of people
31
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,098
who only care about money.
32
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,166
And my mother.
33
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,303
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
34
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:12,240
* Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh *
35
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:15,143
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
36
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,778
* Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
37
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,046
* Oh, oh, oh
38
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,484
* Oh, oh, oh, oh.
39
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,119
Hey, Allie, Maytag
can't make the meeting.
40
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,554
Do you mind cancelling
my reservation?
41
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,257
Sure, I'll take care of it.
Thanks.
42
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:32,426
Oh, Andrew, guess what? I got us
reservations at Joe Port's.
All you can
43
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,428
eat shrimp buffet. Splash.
44
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,632
Did you just...
take my reservation?
45
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,634
Is that okay? It's just,
you didn't want it,
46
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,002
so I kind of just swooped in.
47
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,637
(chuckles) Yeah,
of course you did.
48
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,639
Are you sure?
'Cause it seems like you...
49
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,074
you're having second thoughts.
50
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,243
I know sometimes I have
something and I think I don't
51
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,679
want it and then once it's gone,
I realize I made a big mistake.
52
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,681
Do you think you're making
a big mistake, Sydney?
53
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,317
Just take him.
It. The. Reser...
54
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,220
...vation for...
Eat. Food.
55
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,923
Simon, your ex-wife
is on her way up.
56
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,792
I had a feeling Paige was
here. My body temperature
57
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,760
dropped three
degrees. Everyone.
58
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,862
It's on its way up,
59
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,164
so don't make any
sudden movements.
60
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,933
Just play dead until it leaves
with half of everything you own.
61
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,102
Hello, hello, hello.
62
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,938
I got everyone
mittens from Greenland.
Ooh,
63
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,707
your mom seems kind of fun.
64
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,141
Yup, that's the problem.
65
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,344
My therapist refers to her
as the lighthouse.
66
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,945
When her light shines
on you, it's great.
67
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,048
And then, when it's off you,
you're just left in the dark
68
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,884
to crash on the rocks
of childhood neuroses.
Oh.
69
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,720
(clears throat)
Mother.
70
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:36,156
(gasps) Oh, honey, you look
71
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,158
wonderful.
Give me a big...
72
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:41,061
Oh, Zach, no,
not the red ones.
73
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,062
You look much
better in blue.
74
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,964
No.
Oh. What? Paige said.
75
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,066
Okay.
(soft chuckle)
76
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,001
Hello, Simon.
Paige.
77
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,338
Have you gotten shorter or
have you just lost more hair?
78
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,341
I didn't recognize you with so
much face behind your ears.
79
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,676
Oh.
Oh.
80
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,078
Allie Cat.
81
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,215
Oh.
Hi.
Ah, Mega-tron. Hi.
82
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,716
This is my
83
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,585
BFF, Megan. The one
I told you about.
Andrew.
84
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,153
Hi.
Champion gymnast in high school.
85
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,322
Ooh.
She can still put
both legs behind her head.
86
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:09,757
Three, two, one.
87
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,992
Hi. (chuckling)
88
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,194
I'm-I'm Zachary.
I'm sort of
Andrew's BFF.
89
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,729
Although we don't usually
put it like that
90
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,832
because we're adult males.
And F is a long, long time.
91
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,669
It sure is.
Okay, well, we are gonna
go grab some coffee downstairs.
92
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,704
It was nice to meet you.
Yeah.
93
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,377
Did you see that? With the
laughing and the touching
94
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,912
on the arm?
Yeah, Fonzie, she
totally wants it.
95
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,114
Yeah. Maybe she was
just being polite.
96
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,917
Do you ever consider that? I
mean, she's Allie's best friend,
(phone dings)
97
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:39,353
she probably... She probably
feels an obligation to...
98
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:42,623
No, she wants to be
fixed up with you.
Nice. Okay, let's craft a reply.
99
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:43,857
Something that says
I'm interested but
100
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:44,925
not jumping
out of my seat.
101
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,895
"He... says... no." Send.
(whoosh)
102
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,963
Uh, that was maybe a
little too standoffish,
103
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,966
'cause...
Look, I love you like
a brother but you are a dog.
104
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,135
And I think that's great.
But Megan and Allie...
105
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,169
They-they're best friends.
106
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,306
This could only end up
biting me in the ass.
Hey,
107
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,074
listen, I can
be a good guy.
108
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:04,612
I promise. I will be
a perfect gentleman.
109
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,082
(slowly exhales) All right.
I'm gonna so regret this.
110
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,785
Yes. Andrew, you are
my BF. Possibly for F.
111
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:14,054
It's important
that you B in me.
112
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,991
"B" is believe.
I meant believe.
113
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:20,994
Let's not ask ourselves what we
gain when we sell the company.
114
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,831
Let's ask ourselves
what we lose.
115
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,733
I believe we
lose our freedom.
116
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,436
As Braveheart said to us
in blue face and a mullet,
117
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,970
(Scottish accent):
"We must tell our enemies
118
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,573
"they may take our lives...
119
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,776
but they'll never
take our freedom."
120
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,011
And I believed him, but that was
before the anti-Semitic rants
121
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,847
and trying to kill his
mail-order bride. (chuckles)
122
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,114
I'd like to leave
you with the words
123
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,950
of Albert Camus.
124
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:46,119
"Without freedom,
there is no art."
125
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,157
(whispers): Okay.
126
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,361
(clears throat)
127
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:01,201
$47 million.
128
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,473
How did the vote go?
129
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,107
It was a tie.
130
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,543
What... How is that possible?
There are nine board members.
131
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,645
Mm, I guess I'm the
deciding vote.
(short laugh)
132
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:14,047
And you know how
much I hate being the
center of attention.
133
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:16,617
So, what are you gonna do?
You gonna side with the man who
134
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,620
stole your youth or go with
the non-threatening gay guy
135
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,154
who always tells you
how young you look?
136
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,990
Mom, you have to leave
personal stuff out...
137
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,125
I'm saying this to the woman
that fought for the beach house
138
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,827
in the divorce and then
sold it for a dollar
139
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,028
just to piss my dad off.
140
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,630
What?
Did I never
tell you that?
141
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,698
Kind of defeats
the purpose.
142
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,733
Well, I can
imagine your pain.
143
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,676
You're as hairy
as a lowland gorilla.
144
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,978
Heredity's not been kind to
me. I can't dispute that.
You're an
145
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,747
average driver. At best.
146
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,048
Lauren, please.
I know you're
Yeah.
147
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:49,683
trying to help, but you
need to hit harder.
148
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,184
I need to become immune
to Paige's attacks.
149
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,521
But I feel terrible.
I know this pains you.
150
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,423
But I need you to hit
me with the worst.
151
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,757
Break out...
152
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,091
the nuclear option.
153
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,432
"Simon Roberts.
154
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,266
"You left Sydney at the mall.
155
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,502
You know it's
not true. Uh-huh.
"She had to sit there alone at
156
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,871
"Spencer's Gifts
next to the dancing cactus.
157
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,006
"Every time she cried,
it would just dance harder.
158
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,910
"* You live at the mall now,
You live at the... *
159
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,412
I have never left
Sydney at the mall.
160
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:21,248
You did. That's why
you'll never admit
161
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,116
that the hairy alcoholic
in this family
162
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,852
is the more
responsible parent.
163
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,920
Okay. Maybe we just
Yeah. Let's try
that again.
164
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,856
go through that again. Okay?
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
165
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,624
Don't do the mall thing again,
I mean, don't do the...
Okay.
166
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,192
I was thinking
167
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,727
I should take you away
this weekend.
168
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,262
We could spend
a fortune on fancy clothes,
169
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:39,132
go to Vegas, return
everything on Monday.
170
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,968
Come on, it'll be fun,
I promise.
171
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,970
Yeah, I-I don't know.
I mean, you say that,
172
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,372
and then somehow you wind up
in Tangiers with your trainer
173
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,775
and I'm left standing on a
street corner waiting for you
174
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,877
in a bandage dress and
hooker boots, and that...
Yeah,
175
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,045
I get it. We've had
some miscommunications.
176
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,346
(short laugh)
177
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,984
All right.
It's none of my business,
178
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,452
but, um...
179
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,420
can I tell you the most
important thing I've learned
180
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,456
in my 29 years on this planet?
181
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,726
You only regret the things
you didn't do.
182
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,828
Are you telling me
you actually regret something?
183
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,097
Not spending more time with you
when I had the chance.
184
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:13,734
And saying no to a romantic
evening with Loni Anderson.
185
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,102
(chuckles)
186
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,336
Or was it Louie Anderson?
187
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,939
Well, either way
it would have been a fine story.
188
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:22,242
Let's talk about it more
over a cup of scotch.
189
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,812
Come on.
Don't you mean coffee?
190
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,080
No.
(chuckles)
191
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:31,485
And this is me doing the splits
at nationals.
192
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,986
The trick is to...
193
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:36,023
completely relax
your pelvic bone.
Mmm.
194
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,991
You know, I could show
you later if you want.
195
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,994
Sports... are so great.
196
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,497
It's just... good clean fun.
197
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:46,133
(chuckles)
You need to relax.
(chuckles)
198
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,535
You know what you need?
199
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:48,468
Hmm?
200
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:49,937
You need to...
201
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,273
(whispering indistinctly)
202
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,508
I...
203
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,109
have butter.
204
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,945
I'm gonna get you a refill.
205
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:58,946
Okay.
Andrew,
206
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,681
can I talk to you
for a second?
207
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,083
Let me top you up.
Okay.
208
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,019
(quietly):
This girl is crazy.
209
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,656
She told me that she wants
to go home with me and-and
210
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,390
do things.
This is unbelievable.
211
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:13,026
You made me a promise. Tonight's
about being a gentleman.
I know.
212
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,662
That's why I brought you
over here
213
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,230
because I need your strength.
I need you to talk me down
214
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,667
because, listen-listen to me,
this is what she wants to do.
215
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,234
Come here. She wants to...
216
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,270
(whispering indistinctly)
217
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,973
No, you have to do that.
218
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,542
But afterwards,
you are a gentleman, okay?
219
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,078
You sleep over. She wants to
have brunch, you have brunch.
220
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,681
She wants to go to a museum,
you go to the museum, okay?
221
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,383
There's a lot riding on this.
This is not just about you.
222
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,218
Hey. N-No, this is not...
this is...
223
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,188
I'm gonna be thinking about you
the entire time.
224
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,328
I hope you're in the mood
for my chicken parmigiana.
225
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,731
(chuckles)
Sounds delicious.
226
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,532
Speaking of Italians,
227
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,535
remember how hard I had
to fight you for that Maserati?
228
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,905
The one you parked
in Lake Michigan?
(chuckles) Yeah.
229
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:58,906
I'm fun.
230
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,141
Big... fun.
(chuckles)
231
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,577
New necklace?
232
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:06,079
Yeah, Gordon gave it to me.
Really?
233
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,881
How randomly generous of him.
234
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,917
This place
is so adorable.
235
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,619
Oh, thanks.
See?
236
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,953
Aren't you glad I got
the big house
237
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,788
on the North Shore
in the divorce?
238
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,056
Oh, yeah.
I mean, this place
is so much easier
239
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,257
to manage.
I should've
240
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,459
thanked you for that years ago.
241
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,129
Oh, you were
so much angrier then.
(chuckling): Yeah.
242
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,797
Remember you always used
to make that face.
243
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:24,732
What face?
244
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:25,465
That face.
245
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,734
Ha-ha!
246
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,935
Remember how mad you'd get
247
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,536
every time I mentioned
that terrible day
248
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,038
you left Sydney in the mall?
249
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,540
Who likes to be reminded of
their own negligence, you know?
250
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:37,577
(blender whirring loudly)
(muttering indistinctly)
251
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:38,879
Gazpacho?
252
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,047
No, I hate your soup.
253
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,414
Oh.
You know,
I really love
254
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:42,482
the new Simon.
255
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,818
Thanks.
Finally taking
responsibility.
256
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,821
Can I let you in on a little
secret about the vote?
257
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:48,622
Please do.
258
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,824
I'm leaning your way.
259
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,727
(panting)
260
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,295
That was incredible.
261
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:59,299
That was like having a front row
seat at a gymnastics tournament.
262
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,268
So, um...
263
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,470
what do you want to do now?
264
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,839
I'm, uh, open to cuddling.
265
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,976
(laughs)
(chuckles)
266
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,913
ZACH:
Yeah, that's right.
I offered to cuddle.
267
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,916
I wish Andrew could see this.
268
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,584
I'm really proud
of you, bud.
269
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,252
Thanks, man.
270
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,254
Why am I dressed
like Ebenezer Scrooge?
You know,
271
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,791
I don't know. I guess I just
figured that's how you slept.
272
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:24,958
(chuckles)
That's funny.
273
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:25,959
Hey.
Hey.
274
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,594
Do you want to go
to a wedding?
275
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,096
Excuse me?
(chuckles)
276
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,430
Wouldn't that be
freakin' nuts? I mean,
277
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:34,034
maybe it's the alcohol talking
but I kind of want you to come.
278
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,669
Huh.
279
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:37,004
Okay.
280
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,939
That's big, right?
281
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,340
(ghostlike):
Huge.
282
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,277
(chuckles)
A little over the top.
283
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,946
Just the outfit.
I got inspi...
284
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,115
But, no, weddings,
that's boyfriend stuff.
285
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,017
It's too much,
it's too soon.
286
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,185
Not for Zach OS 7.
287
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,187
Not for New Age Zach.
288
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,891
Old Zach, he would've run
from this apartment really far.
289
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,027
He would've waited two weeks
and maybe he would've
Facebooked her roommate.
290
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,896
Zach OS 7, he stays.
291
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,198
He stays.
292
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,500
I will go to this wedding.
293
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:10,037
And I will not
Facebook your roommate.
294
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,106
Thank you.
295
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,984
You don't think Allie's
high-waisted, do you?
296
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,418
Why?
Well, your mom
was just telling me
297
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,020
how happy she was
about my relationship,
298
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,356
and then she offhandedly
mentioned that Allie's waist
299
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,591
seemed like it was
right below her armpits.
300
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,527
And, uh, now I can't get
that image out of my mind.
301
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,930
Well, I... Long legs
are a good thing, right?
302
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:40,734
Oh. Yeah.
That's what I thought.
303
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,502
Oh,
304
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,436
you're in a good mood.
305
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,704
I am.
Mmm.
306
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,106
It's been nice
having Mom around.
307
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,607
I forgot
how much fun she can be.
308
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:48,909
Yeah.
Did I tell you we went
309
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,243
to an open house
that she was interested in?
310
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,611
Did she go through
the medicine cabinets?
311
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,046
Yeah. But then afterwards
she talked
312
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,215
about maybe setting up
a home base in Chicago.
313
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,950
Well, you know your mother--
everything's a fun idea,
314
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,618
but I wouldn't read too much
into it.
315
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,687
Dad, people can change.
You know that.
I know.
316
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,622
Come on. Say one nice thing
about her.
317
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,124
She's leaning my way
on the vote.
318
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,959
(whistling)
319
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,727
(Gordon whistling)
320
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:08,762
Wait.
321
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,798
Why are you whistling?
322
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,802
This is the "Divas in
Terrible Movies" marathon.
323
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,237
Now, we have
Mahogany, Glitter,
Oh.
324
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,139
Burlesque,
Ooh.
325
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:22,042
and we're gonna start
with Another Stakeout.
326
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,977
Who's the diva in that?
327
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,378
(opening music playing)
Richard Dreyfuss.
328
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,781
(chuckles)
This is fun.
329
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:30,117
It is. Easy.
(sighs)
330
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,119
And about the vote,
331
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,287
I'm leaning your way.
332
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,789
She said she was leaning my way
on the vote.
333
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,124
She's playing us both.
334
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,058
That's ridiculous.
335
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,960
What happened to sisters
sticking together?
336
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:43,496
Was the whole message of
Burlesque totally lost on her?
337
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,966
Let's take the high road. Enough
prostituting our principles.
338
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,234
Good.
339
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,969
I guess you owe me a vote.
340
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,570
You just want to leave it
on the nightstand?
341
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,006
Oh, come on. We both
wanted this to happen.
342
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,009
Mmm.
When was the last
time we did this?
343
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,510
When you wanted the beach house.
344
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,745
(both panting)
345
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,313
God, I love that
beach house.
346
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,015
When's the last time
we did this?
347
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,584
When you wanted me
to vote for Clinton.
348
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,154
God, she's gonna
make a great president.
349
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,990
Ooh. When was the
last time we did this?
350
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,992
When you wanted me
to vote for Clinton.
351
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,593
Oh.
352
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:17,097
Oh, God, that man
can play the sax.
353
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,833
Oh, we got to stop
doing this.
354
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:22,002
What is it about hate sex
that's so appealing?
355
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,303
Is there any other kind?
356
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,972
I'm guessing this is yours.
Mmm.
357
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:28,041
Morocco on $4,000 a Day.
Carol called
358
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:29,042
with this crazy idea.
359
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,178
We're gonna do a year abroad.
360
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,946
Does Sydney know?
Because she mentioned something
361
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,714
about an open house
and you and she...
362
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,851
Oh, no, no, no. She and I
were just having fun. Besides,
363
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,120
their medicine cabinet
was an abortion.
364
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,689
Nothing but Q-tips
and two-year-old Benadryl.
365
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:43,857
But you're gonna tell her,
right, Paige?
366
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,993
About, um,
the year abroad and...
367
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,228
You don't have to tell me that.
She's my daughter.
368
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,829
You're right. Of course.
369
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,064
(knocking)
370
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,035
What the hell
are you here to do?
371
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,070
The bare minimum.
372
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,108
(Pachelbel's "Canon in D"
playing)
373
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,345
(exhales)
374
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,081
You might want to come in,
the wedding's about to start.
Oh, I'm
375
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,083
just waiting on someone.
They should be here in a minute.
376
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,888
Megan?
Oh, my God. Zach.
377
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:17,557
Did I invite you to my wedding?
378
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,160
An invite to the wedding
was communicated.
379
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,561
Some other
important details
380
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,096
fell through the cracks.
381
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,067
It was her wedding?
382
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,937
Kind of an important detail.
What... What was she thinking?
383
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,339
I don't know. Why don't you
ask your girlfriend here?
384
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,008
What are you implying?
That she served me
up to her friend
385
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,110
the week of her wedding.
Like I was a piece of meat
386
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,412
to be chewed up and digested
and released through the skin
387
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,449
in a pleasant smelling vapor.
In my world, girls don't poop.
388
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,117
That is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
389
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,285
Why would she do that?
390
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,187
Because Megan was looking
391
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,755
for some meaningless fun
before the big day
392
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,924
and I thought Zach would be
the perfect guy to do that with.
393
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,926
Unbelievable.
Allie.
394
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,395
Come on, Andrew, you're always
saying what a dog he is.
395
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:58,065
Dude, that is so not cool.
Okay, in fairness,
I say that to your face
396
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,267
all the time.
Yeah, but telling her
breaks the bro code,
397
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,634
if that's even
still a thing.
398
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,970
Okay, you're right.
Dude, I-I'm sorry.
399
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,938
And I am saying "dude"
because I want you to know
400
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,039
how serious I am.
401
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,574
But, A-Allie, look,
402
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,942
the other night I saw a man
403
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,410
trying to make
a real connection.
404
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,579
I did feel good about it.
Yeah, you should
feel good about it.
405
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,048
I mean, he may not
be there yet, but
406
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,050
this guy-- he's a keeper.
407
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,651
Whoa, but not, like, around
the corner, right? I mean,
408
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,153
I still got
some time.
For sure. I mean, she's
409
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,089
probably not even born yet.
Maybe she's just learning
410
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,823
to read, but somewhere out there
is a girl who's waiting
411
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:25,092
to grow up and become
your somewhat
412
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,893
inappropriately
youthful soul mate.
413
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:27,995
And you're gonna
make her really happy,
414
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,629
man, because you're my BFF.
415
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,797
(soft laugh)
416
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,899
I B in you.
417
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,136
"B" as in believe.
418
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,005
Yeah.
419
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,040
I'm gonna walk away.
420
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:45,578
Hey, do you think Allie's
got a sort of high waist?
421
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,779
No.
422
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,581
Right.
423
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,617
Well, maybe.
424
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,424
GORDON:
Well, Simon,
looks like the vote's
425
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,160
gonna go your
way. Congrats.
426
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,129
Finally, the white
straight guy wins.
427
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,830
You guys get all the good
wedding planner jobs,
428
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,132
so it all evens out.
Timothy and I
429
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,134
could've had the
yacht of our dreams,
430
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,136
the SS I'm A Miranda.
431
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,003
Whoa.
432
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,207
Hey. How's my favorite lady?
433
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:16,009
Oh, please, you
already have my vote.
434
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,477
Keep some dignity.
435
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,679
Please. My dignity flew out
the window along with my pants
436
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,048
around 9:00 p.m. last night.
437
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,149
(laughs)
Hey, Mom,
guess what?
438
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:23,816
Remember the sweet old lady
on the third floor?
439
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,452
The one that fed
all the neighborhood cats?
Yeah.
440
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,686
She's dead. They found
441
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,188
the last ten percent
of her body yesterday.
442
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,689
Sydney, I know she used to
take your newspaper,
443
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,124
but she's still a human being.
444
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,959
Oh, yeah, no, that's totally sad
and tragic, but
445
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,961
the apartment's
available for Mom.
446
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,130
I mean, I know it might be a
little strange, being
right downstairs, but
447
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,466
I mean, come on, we could have
coffee in the morning, we could
448
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,668
share critical looks over short
skirts and loser boyfriends.
449
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,336
I promise I won't be too judgy.
(laughs)
450
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,904
Yeah, that sounds
like fun, but, uh,
451
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,206
let's talk about it later, okay?
452
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,075
You didn't tell her, did you?
Tell me what?
453
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,542
Really? We're gonna
do this now?
454
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,078
I don't understand.
What's going on?
455
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,645
Nothing. (short laugh)
Why do you have to make
456
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,681
everything such a scene?
Uh, I should probably
wait five minutes
457
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,749
to do this, but that's five
minutes more of my daughter
458
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,918
getting her hopes up
for nothing.
459
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:03,323
Sydney, your mother's
going to Morocco for a year.
460
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,192
She's not taking
that apartment.
461
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,593
Oh.
462
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,228
(sighs) Perfect.
463
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,098
Once again, you're the
hero, I'm the villain.
You always do this.
464
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,932
You always make these
promises and you never
465
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,734
follow through. I'm just
trying to protect her.
466
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,336
Protect her from me? Really?
Yeah.
467
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,171
Who protected her when you
abandoned her in the mall?
468
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,039
I never abandoned her at
the mall. I may have left her
469
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,908
at Chuck E. Cheese, I left her
at countless coat checks,
470
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,376
I may have once shipped her
to Phoenix
471
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,578
in a dog crate, but I never
left her at the mall.
472
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:26,846
Wait, that dog crate
thing actually happened?
473
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,014
It wasn't a dream?
You know, the difference
474
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,349
between you and I?
475
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,950
I've admitted my mistakes
and I've spent
476
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,619
the last ten years
making up for them.
477
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,387
Guys, this is ridiculous,
okay? I mean, it's...
478
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:37,524
a stupid apartment. It's not
even worth fighting over.
479
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,958
(Paige sighs)
480
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,196
I hope you're happy.
481
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,166
I'm never happy when
my girl's hurting.
482
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,737
Kind of rough, huh?
483
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,773
It's a shame it'll be
so fresh when we vote now.
484
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,780
I'm don't know
what's upsetting me more:
485
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,082
the buyout or seeing
Gordon in yacht slacks.
486
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,885
Those things show everything.
487
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,221
What about you, kiddo? You okay?
488
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:10,757
I get sucked in every time
489
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:13,793
and then I end up
crashing on the rocks.
490
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,262
Does she even care at all?
491
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,130
Course she cares.
When your mom's there with you,
492
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,766
she's there 100%.
493
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,301
What'd she say about Andrew?
494
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,636
How do you know
we talked about Andrew?
Well,
495
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,305
I'm kind of keyed in
to your personal life.
496
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,608
And I may have peeked
in your Dropbox folder.
497
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,909
Dad.
Honey,
498
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:30,910
don't have a file called "Diary"
499
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,280
if your password is 12345678.
500
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:35,915
What'd she say?
501
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,651
That I would regret
the things I don't do.
Mm.
502
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,653
Why didn't you
ask me what I think?
Because
503
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,089
I was afraid you
would say the same thing.
504
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:46,125
But coming from you,
it wouldn't sound as crazy.
505
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,827
Oh, you poor kid.
506
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,862
I think that growing up
with two parents who
507
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,164
jump out of moving cars
mid-fight,
508
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,499
you learn to strap in.
509
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,133
You know, despite
all of our faults,
510
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,536
I wish that for just once
in a while you had a dash
511
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,037
of our reckless abandon,
you know?
512
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,476
* Heart beats fast
513
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,977
Andrew.
514
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:05,978
Come with me.
515
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:09,682
* Colors and promises
516
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:12,719
* How to be brave?
517
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,987
* How can I love when I...
518
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,957
Um, I am about
to do something.
519
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,126
And if you like it,
I want you to tell me.
520
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,262
And if you don't, we'll
never talk about it again.
521
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,064
Okay. Close your eyes.
522
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,733
Okay.
(soft laugh)
523
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,536
* All of my doubt suddenly
524
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:34,006
* Goes away somehow
525
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,578
* One step closer
526
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,284
Well?
527
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,359
Hey, Cindy, congratulations,
we're not doing the buyout.
528
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,893
You won.
529
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,528
I won. How?
530
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,930
Sometimes I do
the right thing.
531
00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,031
Now, if you'll excuse me,
532
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,701
I have to go burn a doll
made out of your hair.
533
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,672
(laughing): Ow!
Sorry.
534
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,740
Thank you, Paige.
535
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,943
I think the reason I make
so many promises to Sydney
536
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:13,112
is I want her to like me
as much as she likes you.
537
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,213
She loves you.
538
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,782
She just needs you
to follow through.
539
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,350
You're right.
540
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,185
I'm moving back.
I'm taking that condo.
541
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,354
Nah, just return
an e-mail or two.
542
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,756
Oh, God, that's too much.
(laughs)
543
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,392
So, where is she?
Where is our Sydney?
544
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,394
Because I am taking us all
out to dinner tonight.
545
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,861
She's in her office
right now with Andrew.
546
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:29,962
She took my advice?
547
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,298
Well, I put it in terms
she could understand.
548
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:32,499
So it's sort of my advice.
549
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,401
Oh, come on, you won't even
give me that one small victory?
550
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,902
It wouldn't be a victory
if I hadn't stepped in.
551
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,204
Oh, you are... How'd it go?
What'd he say?
552
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,139
What's the weather like
this time of year in Morocco?
553
00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:41,708
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I'll just pack anything
554
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,776
that matches sand.
(Simon speaks indistinctly)
555
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,145
Come on.
Can you take
Mr. Princess for a year?
556
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,780
And I'm not the one who left
her at the mall. You are.
557
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,049
I'm telling you.
I distinctly remember that day.
558
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,084
It was March 2, 1987.
559
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,388
B mark.
560
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:56,389
I think that is great.
561
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:59,158
In na-normal wah...
562
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:00,727
(both laugh)
563
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,894
(grunts)
564
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,263
(blender whirring)
Wow!
565
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,934
(laughing):
Thanks, man.
566
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:19,178
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
567
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:37,163
You stinker!
42825
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