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SIMON:
"Then the sloth said,
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00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:05,806
"'That's not necessarily so.'
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,375
"And Caveman Boy said,
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:08,809
(childlike):
"'Tell me you'll never leave me,
5
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,145
"Stupidest Dodo
and Littlest Mammoth.'
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00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,215
(goofy voice):
"'I wish we didn't have to,
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00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,150
"'but we're going extinct.
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00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:19,153
(chuckles)
"'I'm the last one of me.
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00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,388
"'Yeah!'
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00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,056
"said the
Stupidest Dodo.
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00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:25,393
"And the Littlest Mammoth turned
to Caveman Boy and said,
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(sweetly):
'Don't worry, Caveman Boy...'"
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We get it-- you can do voices.
Just read it normally.
14
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,567
Look, when you grow up and
volunteer your time, you can do
15
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:36,270
whatever your critical little
heart desires, but right now,
16
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I'm driving this train, okay?
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(annoyed sigh)
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00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,208
"'Don't worry, Caveman Boy...'"
19
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:43,244
What an ebullient soul he is
to bestow us his time
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00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,247
and his verbal dexterity,
21
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,350
all to inspire
the neighborhood progeny.
22
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,919
I think you just said you
appreciate him volunteering here
23
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and he has a healthy prostate?
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00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,390
Oh, I see you share your
father's flair for badinage.
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00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:57,725
"'Even though
we're going
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00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,561
"'extinct, we'll be
with you forever.
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"'Because when you truly love
something,
28
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it can never go away.'"
29
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,135
Does that mean my
grandma's coming back?
30
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,636
And my dog?
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00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:09,970
I'm sorry, boys and
girls, but there's no
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00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,140
question and answer period
after story time.
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00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,475
But these are good issues
to discuss with your parents
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00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,577
in what I'm sure will be
an uncomfortable ride home.
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Tough crowd.
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Who picked this book?
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00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,149
Yeah, but the moral
was so sweet.
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00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,983
If you truly love something,
it'll never go away.
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00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,052
Oh, that's ludicrous.
40
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,155
I love this library,
and they're taking it away.
41
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,889
They're shutting it down.
42
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,759
What? That's terrible. I feel
like I grew up in this library.
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But don't you
worry, Flora...
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(goofy voice):
we're not letting you
go extinct. Ha!
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God, the kid
was right.
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These voices really
are annoying. Ooh.
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GORDON:
Okay.
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00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,572
Listen up.
We got terrible news.
49
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,474
UPS is dropping us.
It's a catastrophe.
50
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,976
Gordon, stop hitting
the panic button, okay?
I'm not panicking!
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00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,077
Breathe for me. Shh.
I'm just trying
to tell you
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00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,679
that we have to replace them
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with somebody else immediately
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so everybody thinks
that we're still
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at the top of our game,
you understand?
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00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,985
I don't care who it is--
uh, it can be tobacco,
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No... No...
big pharma, little pharma,
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00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:00,821
North Korea!
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00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,123
Lauren, get me Kim Jong-un
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00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,358
on the phone, darling.
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00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,593
Lauren, do not get
Kim Jong-un on the phone.
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00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:06,627
You'll wake
Dennis Rodman.
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00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,128
Listen to me,
UPS is not that big
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00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,463
an account with us,
Gordon-- come on!
Yeah.
65
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,265
We only had their hazardous
material shipping.
66
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,767
Yeah.
"We will touch it
with a ten-foot pole."
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00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:14,935
Yeah, but, you see,
that's money.
68
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,504
So, right now, our top priority
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00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,506
is gonna be landing
a new client.
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00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,107
I would argue
that our top priority should be
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00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,843
to save the East Naperville
Public Library.
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00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,978
What the hell
are you talking about?
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00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,146
I made a promise
to a boozy librarian
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00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,281
that we would come
to the rescue.
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00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,649
SYDNEY:
They're about to
have a big vote
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00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,318
in East Naperville
to raise taxes; right now,
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00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,286
they're gonna say no and
then the library's gonna close.
78
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,021
Who gives a crap? Shut it down.
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00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,857
Shut down that stupid
book museum right now!
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00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,026
Absolutely not!
I gave them my word!
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00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,161
That's why we're gonna do the
best pro bono work of our lives.
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00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:42,062
P-Pro bono?
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00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,232
Pro bono.
That just made
my stent slip.
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00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,967
Okay, I'll tell you what.
Since you're not gonna let me
talk you out of it,
85
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,170
I'm gonna tell you how much
dough I'm gonna give you
for your pro bono project.
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00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,406
You ready? Nada.
Ready.
87
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,843
Ha-ha.
You know what that is?
That's Spanish for "no dough."
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00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:59,079
(laughs) That would've
killed in Accounts.
89
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,148
You're such a villain!
90
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,983
All you're missing is a poison
apple and a magic mirror!
91
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,053
Oh, you haven't even begun
92
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,722
to see the evil queen
that I can be.
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00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,325
(wheezy laughter)
94
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,361
I'm sorry.
95
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:16,597
That would kill
in Accounts!
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00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,233
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
97
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:22,002
* Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh *
98
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,105
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
99
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,908
* Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
100
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,042
* Oh, oh, oh
101
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:33,046
* Oh, oh, oh, oh.
102
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,782
Hey, where are you
guys coming from?
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00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,385
Oh, we went to that new
Greek place. It was so good.
104
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,952
Oh, I... kind of thought
105
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:41,555
you and I were gonna try
that restaurant, Andrew.
106
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,023
Did we talk about that?
107
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,525
No. No, no, no, we didn't.
108
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,127
Uh, outside of work,
we barely talk at all anymore.
109
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,929
Wouldn't hurt you to pick up
the phone once in a while.
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00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,932
What's happening?
You know, it's okay. You can
make it up to me tonight.
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00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,367
We'll go for a drink after work.
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00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:56,304
Uh, well, Allie and I were
actually gonna go to a movie
113
00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:59,740
tonight, so,
uh, rain check?
114
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,575
(quietly):
What about us, man?
115
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,444
What happened
to Zach and Andrew?
116
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,812
Aka Zandrew.
117
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,079
Nothing happened to Zandrew.
There's just...
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00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:08,949
Allie and Andrew now, too.
aka Aandrew.
119
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:12,085
You just said "Andrew."
That's just your name.
120
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,487
No, there was
actually a second "A"
121
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,088
if you were
eavesdropping closely.
122
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:17,157
Hey, Zach, why don't you
just come to the movie with us?
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00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:20,661
No, thank you. I don't want
your pity invite. What movie?
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00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,062
Oh, it's a
documentary about...
125
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,364
I said, "No, thank you"!
126
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,169
Hey.
Excuse me.
127
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,405
I'm looking for Sydney Roberts.
128
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:33,607
Can you tell her
that Dylan is here?
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00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,943
Uh, she's in her office.
Come with me.
130
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:38,011
Who's the cute fruit?
131
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,947
Fruit? Oh, no.
Sydney's neighbor.
132
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,682
I'm pretty sure
they went on a date.
133
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,517
Okay, first of all, never
question my gaydar.
134
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,752
It's impeccable.
135
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,254
And I also have him on
my Grindr app right now.
136
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,656
Is that a sandwich app?
137
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,190
Oh, there's meat involved.
But it really
138
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,192
seemed from the way Sydney's
been talking about Dylan
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00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:53,627
that she's dating him.
140
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,028
Well, you obviously
misunderstood.
141
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,830
He's clearly her new gay friend.
142
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,932
You can just
say "friend."
143
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,434
Actually, you know
what, Dylan, can you
excuse me for one second?
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00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,336
I'll meet you at the elevators.
I have a quick work thing
145
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,971
to discuss
with my coworkers.
Sure.
146
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,539
Sure, sweetie.
Okay.
147
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:08,609
So, what do you think?
He's cute, right?
Yeah.
148
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,144
I can't believe we're...
I guess, dating.
149
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,513
Dating?
What?
150
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,114
I know it's weird
because he's...
151
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,683
well, you know...
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00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,018
my neighbor.
153
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,820
Right. The neighbor.
Neighbor.
154
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,889
It's so awkward with neighbors.
Right.
155
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,156
Yeah, so, you know, we're gonna
take things nice and slow,
156
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,593
but I'm excited.
What do you guys think?
157
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,362
He's fabulous.
158
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,697
Fabu!
Right?
159
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,839
Good morning, campers.
160
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:43,511
Ooh, how was your date
with Dylan last night?
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00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,078
Oh, it was so good.
I dragged him to the mall,
162
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,747
and he didn't complain once.
163
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,916
Mmm.
Then we went back to his house
and we watched 300.
164
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,518
Ah, he's into gladiators.
165
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,985
Cool.
Typical guy.
166
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,487
(goofy chuckle)
So typical.
167
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,755
(whispers):
We've got to tell her.
168
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,557
No. It's like the
spinach-in-your-teeth thing.
169
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,325
If you tell someone,
it could be really embarrassing
170
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,693
and they shoot the messenger.
171
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:00,994
Yeah, but what do
you suggest then?
172
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,229
Let's just let
the gay spinach work itself
173
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,664
out of her teeth naturally.
174
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,098
I mean, at some point,
he's gonna braid her hair
175
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,000
and then she'll know,
and then she won't
have to know
176
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,235
that we ever knew.
I just can't believe
177
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,437
she doesn't know.
178
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,071
I know, it's insane.
179
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,173
Guess who just worked out
with their new buddy, Dylan.
180
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:14,374
Sydney's Dylan?
Mm-hmm.
181
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:15,943
Yeah, Syd introduced us,
182
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,110
and then, out of the blue,
183
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,579
he asked me to do
CrossFit with him.
184
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:19,913
Oh, really?
Oh.
Complimented me
185
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:20,914
the entire time.
186
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,215
Said that
he loved my top.
187
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,951
His word: classy.
188
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,218
Zach...
Now there's a guy
189
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,219
in a relationship
190
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:27,387
who still makes time
for his friends,
191
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:28,556
unlike some people I know,
192
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,558
who only hang out
with their girlfriend.
193
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,959
I'm talking about you.
194
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,561
Yeah, you were
looking right at me.
SIMON:
Guys...
195
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,962
let's go save
a library.
196
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,697
Great! Love your top!
197
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,931
That is classy.
198
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,399
But it's effeminate, right?
199
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,400
SIMON:
"Pro...
200
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,436
bono."
201
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,072
What do these words say to you?
202
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,640
Well, to me it says
203
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,041
you've written
the words "pro bono"
204
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,309
on a $5,000 monitor
205
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:50,878
with what looks to be
a permanent marker.
206
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,746
That's not a good start, is it?
Well...
207
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,582
If you don't look at it, it
didn't happen. Okay, everybody!
208
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,316
Meeting takes place
209
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,652
down here now.
210
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,554
All right, re-focus.
Because this is charity
211
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,290
and Gordon is evil,
he has taken away our budget!
212
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,658
GORDON (over speaker): And not
just your budget, little man.
213
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,093
(all exclaim)
214
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,596
As long as you're working
on a pro bono project,
215
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,930
you are not being paid!
216
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,431
(laughs evilly)
217
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,066
God, that man
really is a villain.
218
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,068
(Zach groans)
So we have no budget.
219
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,336
We're working
for free.
220
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,571
Time to brainstorm,
all right?
221
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:19,139
Any good ideas,
you write 'em on the monitor.
222
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,508
It's already trashed.
223
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,809
Okay.
So, what do we got?
224
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:22,943
What about a blimp?
Yeah.
225
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,745
Those cost money.
What about a free one?
226
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,013
Good thinking,
but that's not a thing.
227
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,114
Oh.
Come on, people.
228
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,916
What pops in your mind
when you hear the word
229
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,117
"library"?
230
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,819
Uh, bad Wi-Fi.
Old book smell.
231
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,153
ZACH:
No hot chicks.
232
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,688
Old people smell.
Like, literally I've never
233
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,790
seen a girl better than a seven.
It's impossible to tell
which is which.
234
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,659
Places where homeless
people masturbate.
235
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,661
No, no, Lauren, Lauren,
Lauren, Lauren.
236
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,295
Yeah?
I feel the need
237
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,330
to speechify.
238
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,431
Oh!
Oh!
Yes.
239
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,633
To me the library
240
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,034
was a magical place,
a place
241
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,869
where I could captain
a pirate ship,
242
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,271
fly to the moon,
walk through African villages
243
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,806
and see boobs
in their native culture.
244
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,041
(imitating African language)
245
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,843
Yeah, but now we can see
all the boobs the world has
246
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,277
to offer with just
the click of a mouse.
247
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,112
Yeah, and with books you
can't change the font
248
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,981
or the size of the boobs.
249
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,115
Yeah, and each book
is just one book.
250
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,017
I-I'm never
doing just one thing at once.
251
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,019
(text alert chimes)
I mean,
even my friend Candice agrees.
252
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:07,621
Fine!
Why don't we just give up
253
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,156
and let them shut down
the library?
254
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,158
In fact, why don't
we just burn all the books?
255
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,729
Yeah, why don't we?
256
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,698
(Lauren gasps)
What do you think?
257
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,167
"Vote to close the library
April 17th.
258
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,169
Book burning celebration
to follow."
259
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,371
Yep.
Ha! Well, it's...
260
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:28,008
Book burning generally has
a sort of negative connotation.
261
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:28,842
True.
262
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,678
Well, uh, the font's pretty.
263
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,912
I love it.
264
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,581
No, you don't,
but kudos on ass-kissing.
265
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,648
Thank you.
You're outraged,
266
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,749
as you should be.
267
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,017
But rage is what
motivates people, huh?
268
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,152
(all talking at once)
269
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,655
You're doing it again.
No, I'm about ideas,
not where you write things down.
270
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:44,057
The people of Naperville
are angry about a tax hike,
271
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,358
so they don't care
about the library.
272
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,861
We got to give 'em something
to be even angrier about,
273
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,529
something that'll really push
274
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,764
their buttons.
275
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,099
ALL: Ooh.
LAUREN:
A, a smelly book.
276
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:53,166
No.
Toaster fire.
277
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,668
Hairy building.
No.
278
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,069
Box on fire.
Spaghetti
trap!
I love Pictionary.
279
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,504
It's a burning book!
280
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,672
Burning book!
(Simon imitates bell dinging)
281
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,507
We'll make them so mad
about burning books,
282
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,875
they won't care about the taxes
283
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,176
and they'll vote
to save the library!
284
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,344
Ah, that's genius--
you're shifting
285
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,747
the conversation
from taxes to libraries.
286
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,849
A vote to close the library
is like a vote to burn books.
287
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,350
Exactly-- that is why,
ladies and gentlemen,
288
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,252
we are hosting
a book-burning party.
289
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,453
That's a cool concept,
290
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,255
but I feel
like it's missing something.
291
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,890
You're right, Andrew,
it is a cool concept.
292
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,926
I said I feel
like it's missing something.
293
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:19,927
Sorry, I don't hear criticism.
294
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,862
But I feel like
it's missing something.
295
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,130
Yeah.
A visual.
296
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,966
A face-- a face
that people can hate.
297
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,467
Who's hateable and
doesn't cost anything?
298
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,637
Yeah.
What about something
299
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,705
like this?
300
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,173
Perfect.
301
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,982
That's good.
Oh, Zach, Dylan wants to know
if you want to come with us
302
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,283
to the gladiator
exhibit this weekend.
303
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,384
Oh, that guy sure likes
gladiators.
304
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,619
How generous of Dylan
305
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,421
to share his girlfriend time
with a friend.
306
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,824
I don't know what top I'm
going to wear, but I'm there.
307
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,726
It's a date.
Oh, hey, Simon.
308
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,662
Uh, I added a little red
to Gordon's eyes.
309
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,897
Does this read as menacing
or meningitis?
310
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,298
Do you think tiny horns
would be overkill?
311
00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,499
Yeah, yeah...
No, what about
312
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:00,801
Charlie Chaplin's
little mustache?
313
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,002
(overlapping chatter)
314
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,003
A nice, big...
315
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,004
GORDON:
What the hell is this?
316
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:04,972
Everyone freeze.
317
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:05,973
Don't make eye contact.
318
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,808
Eventually he'll go away.
319
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,409
You're using me
on the poster?
320
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,278
I'm the face of
book-burning?
321
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,980
We didn't have the money
to license a real monster, so...
322
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,649
Oh, is that how you
see me-- a monster?
323
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,250
Well, if the giant
orthopedic shoe fits...
324
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,251
It's not funny, Simon.
325
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,619
Okay.
If I'm the bad guy,
326
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,154
it's because you
need me to be one.
327
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:24,457
It serves your pathological
need to be a hero.
328
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,926
You're reducing a very complex
web of neuroses...
329
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,928
Then let me untangle
it for you.
330
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,196
Your pro bono crap has
331
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,164
nothing to do with
saving the library.
332
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,266
It's all about making sure
that everyone loves you.
333
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,502
And who gives a damn
what happens to me?
334
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,872
I'm just Ursula the Sea Witch
to your Little Mermaid.
335
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,808
Oh, come on, Gordon,
I didn't mean...
Talk to the tentacle.
336
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,512
Gordon, wait.
337
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,513
What?
338
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,981
Oh, I was just
doing that thing
339
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,449
where you call out to someone
as they're storming off,
340
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,051
but they don't usually
turn around.
341
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,086
I see.
342
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,288
(whispering):
No, wait.
343
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,658
SIMON: He's right,
it was a bad idea.
344
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,828
Uh, boss, you know that this
already went out, right?
It did?
345
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,963
Yeah, hundreds of them.
Oh, no, no, no, we got
to take 'em all down.
346
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,498
It's too late.
We-We'll just tell Gordon
we took 'em down.
347
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,067
I mean, the election's
in two days.
348
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,235
Oh.
Yeah, it's just
349
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,704
a little grassroots campaign
in a small town.
350
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:11,705
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
351
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,373
Yeah.
Yeah.
Naperville.
352
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:17,144
If you check your calendar,
it's 2014,
353
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,146
but you sure wouldn't know it
in Naperville, Illinois,
354
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,148
where a group opposed
to a tax hike
355
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:25,919
to save a local library is
organizing a book-burning party
356
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:30,023
apparently spearheaded by
this unidentified mystery man.
357
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,024
What is wrong with this guy?
358
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,326
What kind of monster
burns books?
359
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,694
Around the world,
people are asking:
360
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:38,165
"Who is this madman
and how do we stop him?"
361
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,167
Maybe Gordon doesn't
watch the news.
362
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,002
What the hell did you do to me?
363
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:42,903
And now maybe
he's just running lines
364
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,037
for a play he's in?
365
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:46,106
I'm a pariah out there.
366
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:47,775
I got egged on the street.
367
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,043
An old lady flicked
her lit cigarette at me.
368
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:55,082
My latte had a middle finger
drawn in the foam.
369
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,616
Gordon, we are so sorry.
I mean, we never thought
370
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,085
that this was...
I don't want to hear it!
371
00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,887
I'm blowing your cover.
372
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,755
No.
I'm sending out
a press release.
373
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:05,025
Can someone tell me how
to send out a press release?
374
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,727
Or, or we wait till after
the library's been saved.
375
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,262
You'll end up looking
like a hero, Gordon.
376
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:10,263
That was my plan
all along.
377
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,632
N-N-N-N-No,
don't play me, Simon.
378
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,134
I'm not playing you,
Gordon, you know.
379
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,369
I know right now things look
dire, but a couple of days
380
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,437
from now when we
all gather together
381
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,772
for the mock book-burning
382
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,040
and the crowd's there,
ready to lynch you...
383
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,741
Still looking pretty dire.
...we're going to announce
384
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,543
we're not burning the books,
we're saving the library,
385
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,611
and it's all because of you.
386
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,213
You're the man
behind it all.
387
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,580
Everyone's going
to be cheering for you.
388
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,049
And you'll be the
hero this time.
389
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,584
ALL (chanting):
Hero, hero...
390
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,220
You just have to have a
little patience, my darling.
391
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,990
Okay, listen, I know you're
pulling this out of your ass.
392
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:41,128
No.
But I do like the idea
of being a hero for once.
393
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,129
Yeah.
394
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,131
But what do I do
in the meantime?
395
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,765
Hide.
396
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,968
ALL (softly):
Hide, hide, hide...
397
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,137
Good luck.
398
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,105
I'm gonna hide.
Yeah.
399
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,173
(chanting quietly):
...hide, hide...
400
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,913
Wow. Just magnificent.
401
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,615
I'm really glad
we could all finally
spend some time together.
402
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,018
Oh, yeah.
Didn't want to miss this.
403
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,486
Man, look at that spear.
404
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,754
Can you imagine being
405
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,522
on the business
end of that?
Ooh.
406
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,758
You don't want
to miss it for anything.
407
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,026
ZACH:
Hey, great tops!
408
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,662
Right on. Book power!
409
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,297
Hey, where's Aaaaandrew...?
410
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,132
Really?
That's a thing?
We're doing that now?
411
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,501
I think they went
to go look at the
wall of swords.
412
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,104
Ooh, Zach,
do you like swordplay?
413
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,006
Uh, yeah, I'm a guy.
414
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,107
(coughing)
415
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,042
Thank you for bringing me
to the museum.
416
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,511
You know me-- when it comes
to treating my lady right,
417
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,146
spare no suggested
donation.
418
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,214
(chuckles)
419
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,152
Are you okay?
420
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,889
Me? I'm fine.
421
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,156
Yeah, I mean,
I'm-I'm here with Dylan.
422
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,125
Of course I am.
Why wouldn't I be fine?
423
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,027
Right. You have Dylan.
424
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,728
(men grunting)
425
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:57,537
(sighs)
Lauren, um,
426
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,039
if I tell you something,
427
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,207
you promise
you won't tell anyone?
428
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,009
Yeah, of course.
429
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,011
Dylan is...
430
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,013
gay.
431
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,014
What?!
432
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,381
(quieter):
What are you saying?
433
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,716
That's crazy.
434
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,085
What?
Is everything I knew fake?
435
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,154
Is everything
I thought was real
436
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,656
really not real at all?
437
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,857
You knew?
438
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,359
I did.
When did you figure it out?
439
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,161
After our fourth date.
440
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,396
When he made me watch
a Raven-Symoné retrospective
441
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,532
and... and he braided my hair.
442
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,034
Oh, the universal tell.
443
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,001
Does everyone know?
444
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,736
DYLAN (in baby talk):
Is him wrestled out?
445
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:30,904
Is him hungry?
446
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,272
Does him want food?
447
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,506
Uh, him-him is hungry.
448
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,842
Him... him-him-him could eat.
449
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,610
Uh...
(laughs)
450
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,079
Not everyone.
451
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,613
I mean, Andrew and I
figured it out.
452
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:41,781
He wanted to tell you,
453
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,450
but we didn't want you
to feel embarrassed.
454
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,218
Well, that's why I kept it up,
455
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,453
because I felt like an idiot,
456
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,787
and didn't want
everyone finding out
457
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,356
and then thinking
that I was an idiot.
458
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,857
Which, apparently,
they already do.
459
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,392
Are you sure you didn't
keep dating him
460
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:53,360
to make Andrew jealous?
461
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,394
I mean, maybe a little?
462
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,129
No.
463
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:57,965
I'm-I'm happy
that Andrew's happy.
464
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,099
And that he's in love.
465
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,434
And that I get to watch
466
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:04,037
love bloom every day,
right outside my office.
467
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:06,639
Oh, good!
I thought you'd be bummed.
468
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,908
ZACH:
A whole weekend? Just you and me
469
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,477
at your parents' lake house?
(laughs): Man!
470
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,979
Andrew is gonna be jealous.
471
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,081
You talk about Andrew a lot.
472
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,082
Did you guys used to date?
473
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,283
(laughing): Date?
474
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,186
No, man, we're just friends,
like you and me.
475
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,259
Oh.
476
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,296
Uh-huh.
477
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,231
O... kay.
478
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,665
Ah!
479
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,567
Uh, him-him-him was not aware.
480
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,103
Him needs a little...
481
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,704
just a little time.
482
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,615
In a few minutes,
the polls are gonna close.
483
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:49,849
But if we've done our jobs,
484
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,285
these library doors
are gonna stay open
485
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:55,622
because this community said no
to the death of imagination!
486
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:56,789
ZACH: When the book
burners saw us
487
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:59,092
coming, they ran away
488
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,360
from the power of knowledge!
489
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,595
They were so scared,
490
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,999
they left without their props!
491
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,934
Not even the evil giant who
started this whole thing
492
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,836
had the guts to show his face!
493
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,104
Can I get a whoop-whoop?
494
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,939
(all whooping)
495
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,041
Hey, hey! What's happening?
496
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,942
I thought you were gonna
make me the hero here.
497
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,510
Don't worry-- when the vote
is over, I'll bring you out
498
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:18,945
and reveal that the whole thing
was a campaign to save
499
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,047
the library and you'll
reap the glory!
500
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,048
Okay, well hurry up
501
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,782
because my calves are spasming.
502
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,184
Got it.
Never should've quit ballet.
503
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,785
Attention, proletariat.
504
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,720
The ballots have
been quantified.
505
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,389
And we have emerged
506
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,059
from the hangman's noose
unscathed.
507
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,894
Did we win?
508
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,163
That's what I just said.
509
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,997
We won!
(all cheering)
510
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,135
You got to make it happen
because I can't feel my legs!
511
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:43,370
I'm doing it. Everyone?
512
00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:44,971
I have a special surprise.
513
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,074
We would not have won
tonight without the man
514
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,041
I'm about to introduce.
515
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,377
You know him as
the face of evil.
516
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,245
But...
I can't take it anymore!
517
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,880
Gordon, Gordon, no...!
(Gordon muttering)
518
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,315
(crowd gasps, murmurs)
519
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,084
What are you doing to me?
MAN: That's him!
520
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,085
The book hater!
(all booing)
521
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,919
No, no! No. That isn't who I am.
522
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,154
That's you!
523
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,255
I don't, I don't hate books.
524
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,491
I love books. I'm a reader.
525
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:05,825
Gordon, Gordon, you're flaming!
526
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,160
I know, it happens
when I get nervous.
527
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,061
No, right there!
Aah!
528
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,330
Oh! Fire! Bad!
529
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,731
(crowd gasping)
530
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,932
(all scream)
531
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,167
He's burning the books!
532
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,703
No! You're a monster!
533
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:17,904
Get him!
534
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,872
No, I'm... I'm not a monster!
535
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:23,110
MAN: Get him!
He's a bad man!
536
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:23,910
He's not bad, he's good!
537
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,278
It's not his fault!
538
00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:26,746
I made him that way!
539
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:29,116
He's my creation!
540
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,284
Simon, you son of a bitch!
541
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,685
This reminds me
of something.
542
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,187
Twilight?
Hunger Games?
543
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:35,688
Seriously?
544
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,889
(cork pops)
545
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:40,727
"Genius Ad Campaign Revealed."
546
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,028
"Lewis, Roberts & Roberts
Saves the Day."
547
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,864
"Homeless Man Arrested for
Masturbating in Library."
548
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,866
See? All is right
with the world again.
549
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,035
Whoa, Gordon's on the news.
550
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,305
My thinking was that if we
created a villain character,
551
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:54,374
that it would change
the conversation.
552
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,277
And I volunteered
because I care.
553
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,112
Speaking of caring, I'm sure
some of our viewers
554
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:01,080
want to know how
are your injuries
555
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,815
because of the pitchforks?
556
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,551
Numerous and excruciating.
557
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,154
Al-Although I was very lucky
that-that church was unlocked,
558
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:10,290
so I was able to hide out
in the bell tower.
559
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,958
Well, so there we have it.
A nation's villain,
560
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:14,494
one library's hero.
561
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,263
Uh, Syd? Hey.
562
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,797
I am sorry
that Lauren and I didn't
563
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,065
say something sooner
about Dylan.
564
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,667
Oh, it's okay.
565
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,269
I mean, the only bummer
was that
566
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,403
I like to hang out with him.
Ah, sure.
567
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,404
We had a lot in common.
568
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,805
He's a nice guy.
Yeah.
569
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,307
Haven't really had that
with anyone in a while.
570
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,076
Yeah, me neither.
(clears throat)
Except Allie.
571
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,078
Right! No, right, right.
572
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,581
Except Allie, of course,
who's great; she's great.
573
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,316
She's really great.
So, yeah, except for that.
574
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,984
That's great.
Okay.
575
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,787
I miss hanging out with you.
576
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,523
You do?
577
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,958
Yeah, I mean, you're,
you're a good friend.
578
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,495
I miss you, too... buddy.
579
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,662
(laughs): Okay, cool.
580
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:50,763
Hey, can I ask you
581
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,665
some really frank
sexual advice, actually,
582
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:53,500
about Allie?
583
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,134
Well, I'm off to grab a beer
584
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,135
with my buddy Dylan.
585
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,270
Wow.
586
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:58,938
You guys are still hanging out?
587
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,607
Yeah, you know, after we talked
588
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,141
about that kooky
misunderstanding,
589
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,444
I realized that D-man
is a great guy.
590
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,779
And I'm not just saying that
to make jealous, Andrew.
591
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,381
You and I are totally cool.
592
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,783
I just, I don't know, really
enjoy hanging out with him.
593
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,151
And he's fine that
it's platonic?
594
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:13,286
No, he's totally
in love with me.
595
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,554
The Zach bug bit him bad.
596
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,856
But I think I can turn him.
597
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,393
Into a friend.
598
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,429
Well, good luck with that.
599
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,067
Si, I have to say your little
charity stunt worked very well.
600
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,870
We've been getting calls
from new clients all day.
601
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,038
It was all part of my plan.
602
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,373
Oh, please, you had no plan.
603
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,375
You just stumbled upon
a photogenic villain,
604
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,176
and you-you ran with it.
605
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,311
Well, it's your sweaty
Mediterranean features--
606
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,646
they photograph well, my friend.
607
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,047
(laughs)
Yeah.
608
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,649
Touché.
We make a good team, my man.
609
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,251
Yeah, we do.
You're the Beast to my Beauty.
610
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:46,986
Oh.
The Garfunkel to my Simon.
611
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,188
See? That works on two levels
because my name is Simon...
612
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,757
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
Very clever.
613
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,692
Thank you.
But no one really ever
appreciated Garfunkel.
614
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,995
Well, Simon did.
What do you mean? He-he broke up
with him famously.
615
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,030
For a while they had
a nice time.
Didn't they sue each other?
616
00:19:58,064 --> 00:19:59,999
Don't read too much into it.
617
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,169
My point is this place
wouldn't work without you.
618
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,838
Especially when you hear this.
619
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:06,873
What?
I just took a call
620
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,608
for the biggest buyout offer
621
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,176
we've ever had.
622
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,945
We've had offers before.
We will never sell this company!
623
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:16,916
Uh, $47 million beg to differ
624
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,051
my Little Brony.
625
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:22,088
Yes, you are about to become
the proud subsidiary
626
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,791
of Hamasaki Sneakers, Cutlery...
627
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,959
and now-- Advertising.
628
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,094
I should've never let
that sympathetic priest
629
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,029
let you out of the bell tower!
630
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,698
We are selling.
End of discussion.
631
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,965
No!
632
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,601
What I wouldn't give for
a lit torch right now!
633
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:35,735
You're a monster!
634
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:36,969
You made me this way!
635
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,104
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
636
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:39,439
CBS
637
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,940
and VOLKSWAGEN
638
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,975
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
639
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,444
No, hefe, tell me this.
640
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,078
(both shouting gibberish)
641
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,148
But now you can see boob...
642
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:50,917
now you can see all the boobs.
643
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,151
Booby booby boo boo.
644
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,953
No hot chicks.
I-I've never seen
645
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,955
seen a girl
better than a seven.
646
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,790
Place where
old people masturbate.
647
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:58,958
Oh!
648
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,227
Whoa!
Old people masturbate
in libraries?
649
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,063
What kind of libraries are you
hanging out in, you sicko?
650
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,666
Grandpa, we're ready to go now.
651
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,100
Are you finished? Not yet!
652
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,164
You stinker!
47746
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