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1
00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:09,210
And welcome back
to the first annual
2
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,678
Lewis, Roberts & Roberts
3
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,546
Satan's Tongue Spicy
BBQ Sauce-Off.
4
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,015
They'll now be attempting
5
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,884
the four-alarm
ghost pepper blend.
6
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,087
God help them.
God help us all.
7
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,188
Murmur, murmur, murmur.
8
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,159
(groaning)
(groaning loudly)
9
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:28,162
ANDREW:
Waiting for reactions, folks.
10
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,930
Ooh, that was a hot
and spicy blend,
11
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:32,533
and down goes Zachary!
12
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,534
Whoa.
Attention, everyone!
13
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,203
This is my new
assistant, Allie.
14
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:37,037
ANDREW:
...surprised he made it
this far.
15
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,340
Let's clear him out.
You'll have to
excuse everyone.
16
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,275
It's a really big
day around here.
17
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,010
My dad loves this
barbeque sauce,
18
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,078
and he's dying
for the account.
19
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,747
Or after this next shot,
he might just be dying.
20
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:47,948
Oh, I know about
the competition.
21
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:50,118
Yeah, I had Lauren send me
your schedule.
22
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,120
So, I've taken the liberty
of placing Tums and Shout Wipes
23
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,554
on everyone's desks.
24
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,189
I love you.
25
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,257
I'm sorry, I mean,
thank you.
26
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,358
I love you. Um...
27
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,459
(clears throat)
Uh, coffee...
28
00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,593
Yes, tepid with a splash
29
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,928
of almond milk.
I've been blowing
30
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,696
on it every 40 seconds
to cool it down.
31
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,897
Oh, thank you.
32
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:04,932
Uh, it's not ready.
ZACH: Oh, God.
33
00:01:04,965 --> 00:01:06,033
I've never felt so...
34
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,935
Hello.
35
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,104
I'm Zachary, and you are?
36
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,038
Not interested.
37
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,973
What?
Okay, you listen
to me, boy toy,
38
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,242
and you listen
very carefully, okay,
39
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,409
'cause I'm only gonna
say this once.
40
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,077
I finally got my own assistant,
41
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:17,978
and you are not gonna
screw this up.
42
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,580
You will not happen
to be having lunch
43
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,282
at the same place that she is,
you won't just happen
44
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,916
to be grabbing a
drink at the same bar,
45
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,252
and you will not just happen
to have condoms
46
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,620
when she's bored and hanging out
at your apartment.
47
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,988
I was just gonna say hello.
48
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,390
I'll say it for you.
49
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,058
You stay away from my machine.
50
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,993
Back away.
51
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,895
Okay.
52
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,764
(ululating)
(yells)
53
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,666
ANDREW:
And go for it!
54
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,101
(groaning)
(groans, yells)
55
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,303
Shake it off, shake it off.
56
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,837
Here we go. And go for it!
57
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,106
(groans)
58
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,247
I conthede. I conthede.
59
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,082
I-I can't feel my tongue.
60
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,084
(yells)
61
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,686
We have a champion.
62
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,988
Oh, I love this sauce!
63
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,456
Now on to the pitch!
64
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,159
Let's make Satan's Tongue
Spicy Barbeque Sauce...
65
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,927
(cheering)
ours!
66
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,362
Yeah...!
67
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,998
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
68
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:14,001
* Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh *
69
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:16,870
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
70
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,707
* Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
71
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,108
* Oh, oh, oh
72
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,945
* Oh, oh, oh, oh.
73
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,947
So, when our aunt died,
74
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,016
all she had left
was her collection
75
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,151
of frogs in sex poses
76
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,153
and a shoebox full of recipes.
77
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,488
Amazing. So in the sweet,
78
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,856
sexually amphibious
woman's shoebox,
79
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,626
you found a magic sauce
that will make people say,
80
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,228
"Ketchup? What the
hell is that?"
81
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,862
(chuckles)
He's a huge fan.
82
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:42,896
Yeah.
83
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,665
I even had this made
so I can take
84
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:45,966
a bottle to the movies
and sushi bars.
85
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,368
ZACH:
He never goes anywhere
86
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,569
without his sauce jockey.
87
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,137
I'm on a TSA watch list.
88
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,739
Ladies, what is it
you're looking for?
89
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,374
What's your wish list?
90
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,008
Well, what we'd really love
91
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,645
is one of those fun jingles
92
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,313
that sticks in your head.
93
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,482
Oh, like the one for petit
peas; I love that one.
94
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,683
Yeah, that's Danny Chase.
95
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,051
Best jingle writer
in the business.
96
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,018
Could we get him?
Get him?
97
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:06,887
We created him;
he'll do anything for us.
98
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,522
If you sign
with Lewis, Roberts & Roberts,
99
00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:09,557
he'll do anything for y...
100
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,658
(stomach grumbling)
(groaning)
101
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,759
(strained):
Ladies, boys.
102
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,827
What?
(wheezing):
Can I have a word?
103
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,596
(wheezing continues)
104
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,830
Hey, boss,
105
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,165
you okay?
106
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,267
Maybe. I'm either having
a heart attack
107
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,734
or my stomach's melting
from that sauce.
108
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,102
Fingers crossed it's number two.
God, does this hurt.
109
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,571
L-Let me drive you
to the hospital.
110
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,373
No, you care too much
about the safety of pedestrians.
111
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,207
Andrew? You stay here.
On it.
112
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,343
Keep them on the hook.
You-you want me to finish
113
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,044
this meeting by myself?
Of course.
114
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,080
You do not let these women leave
the room without closing
115
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,014
this account, okay?
116
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,516
I'm gonna do it for you, boss.
117
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,950
I'm gonna give you
Satan's Tongue.
118
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,352
Fantastic. Ladies?
119
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:38,952
Mm-hmm?
120
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,288
I've had two dreams.
121
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,055
One was to ride an ostrich
down Michigan Avenue,
122
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,457
the other was to meet you.
123
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:44,892
I'm thrilled to say
124
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,026
(stomach grumbling)
I've realized both.
125
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,895
I leave you in good hands.
126
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,763
(chuckles)
127
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,900
Millie, Jane,
what can we do
128
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,535
to get you to sign
with our agency?
129
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:55,969
Well, the campaign you've
pitched is amazing.
130
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:59,640
But you should know that we are
meeting with other agencies.
131
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,409
Yeah, but are any
of these other agencies
132
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:04,812
gonna be able to get you
a jingle written by Danny Chase?
133
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:05,946
(gasps)
That would be so fun.
134
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,481
Who would you
get to sing it?
135
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,249
Anyone you want.
136
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:10,951
But we're just
a tiny company.
137
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,454
I doubt you'd be able
to get anybody really big.
138
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,122
Think big, ladies. Big!
139
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,290
Brad Paisley.
140
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,225
(chuckles)
He's really big.
141
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,628
We'd sign with you right now
if you could get him.
142
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,231
You got him!
143
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,499
(squeals)
144
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:26,967
(laughter)
145
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,436
(chuckles)
146
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:29,737
You promised them Brad Paisley?
147
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,004
They're a tiny regional brand.
148
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,105
You guaranteed them a huge star.
149
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,941
(stomach grumbling)
You over-promised.
150
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,443
Isn't that a classic
Simon Roberts move?
151
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,511
But the over-promise
is just one of my many moves.
152
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,180
This situation cried out
for a nod and switch.
153
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,316
What is a nod and switch?
I taught you that on
day one, remember?
154
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,251
You asked for a parking space.
155
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,953
I nodded and suggested
a bus pass,
156
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,088
because hotties take the bus.
There were no hotties
on the bus.
157
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,090
Of course not. I tricked you
with a nod and switch.
158
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,759
(groans)
I validated your idea
159
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,661
then substituted one
that would benefit me.
160
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:54,662
I thought that
was called a pivot.
161
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:56,029
No! Doc,
162
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,130
I think I'm having
another heart attack.
163
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,599
It wasn't a heart attack,
164
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,267
but your blood vinegar levels
are through the roof.
165
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,169
I think you've been hitting
the sauce a little too hard.
166
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,137
But BBQ sauce is
the only sauce I can hit.
167
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:06,106
How am I gonna handle the
problems you created without it?
168
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,141
I'm gonna give you
and your husband some privacy.
169
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:09,142
Oh, no, we're not...
Thank you, Doctor.
170
00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,378
Look, you scare me
171
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,312
when you make
that-that squishy angry face.
172
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,114
Stop it, stop it.
Okay.
173
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,983
Stop it.
Are there any moves left?
174
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,185
Only the most hated move of all,
doing what we promised.
175
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,053
Now let's go clean
up your mess
176
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,989
and get Danny Chase
and Brad Paisley.
177
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,857
You can see my butt, right?
178
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:24,992
Full moon.
179
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,994
Oh. (howls)
180
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,037
Hey, Lauren,
have you seen Allie?
181
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,506
Oh, yeah, she's just making me
some oatmeal.
182
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,807
Actually, remaking it.
183
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,375
She went a little crazy
with the almonds.
184
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,010
Lauren...
You know, I always hated
185
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,145
when you made me redo
stuff, but now I get it.
186
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,714
It's a real power trip.
187
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,716
Lauren, you know she's not
your assistant, right?
188
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,250
I know that and you know that,
189
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:51,852
but she doesn't
have to know that.
190
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:52,920
Here you go. Sorry.
191
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,021
Won't happen again, Lauren.
192
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,156
It's totally fine, but
see that it doesn't.
193
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,258
(whispering):
What a rush.
194
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,060
I'm sorry, I think my head
is just in the clouds.
195
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,328
I'm excited.
196
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,596
I met someone this morning.
197
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:05,032
Really? This morning?
198
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,401
On your way into work,
she asked, fearing the worst.
199
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,002
Oh, no, no, no, he works here,
200
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,170
and he's so hot.
201
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,772
We're going out tonight.
(squeaks)
202
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:14,041
Oh! That's so great.
203
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,275
Look, your problem is
you're just not used
204
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,577
to people being
angry at you.
205
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,178
Yeah, but this is Simon.
206
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,247
Andrew, this is like
God saying to Jesus
207
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,716
you should've turned the
water into better wine.
208
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,217
And in this analogy,
you're Jesus?
209
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,853
Yeah, I just hope
the story ends...
210
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,255
I'm sorry, Zach, not everything
in this office is yours.
211
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,057
I brought that muffin from home.
212
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,559
There are a million women
out there, okay?
213
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:32,693
And yes,
I realize you've probably
214
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:33,794
Zached your way
through most of them,
215
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:34,895
but couldn't you just
216
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,063
honor my one tiny request
217
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,064
and not go out
with my assistant?
218
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,232
I'm not going out Allie.
I am.
219
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,535
It was a zucchini banana nut
from the corner store
220
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,103
on Halstead, if you want
to make things right.
221
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,137
I don't understand.
222
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,640
Why? Is it so surprising
that a desirable,
223
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,576
attractive woman
would want to go out with me?
224
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,811
Yeah.
No. No. No, I just...
225
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,413
needed a little time to process
'cause I thought, you know...
226
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,115
Of course you could have
any woman that you want.
227
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,084
It just...
Oh, my God, Sydney,
It was Andrew, not Zach!
228
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,285
Isn't that insane?
229
00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,487
Yeah, we've already
established that,
230
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,488
but thank you, Lauren.
231
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,822
Wait, so Andrew gets
232
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,090
to go out with her?
233
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,092
This is BS. Why am I the
only one that gets banned?
234
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,393
Wait, you banned Zach?
235
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,395
You don't think
I'm even ban-worthy?
236
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,063
Fine, you're banned, too.
You can't do that.
237
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,099
You just asked me to.
I wanted to be banned.
238
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,100
I didn't say I wanted
to adhere to it.
239
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,802
Well, I'm sorry,
you can't date her either.
240
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,604
Yeah, stay away
from our assistant.
241
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,739
Hey, Syd, Allie is a grown-up.
So am I.
242
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,107
We can do whatever
we choose to do.
243
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,108
We're all adults here.
244
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,776
Yeah. Hey, by the way,
245
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,111
if anything happens
246
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,013
and your phone accidentally
takes a couple pictures,
247
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,649
that'd be cool.
Okay, we're mostly adults here.
248
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,784
LAUREN:
Hey, you guys.
249
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,686
Danny Chase is on his way up.
ZACH: It's gonna be easy
250
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:33,854
to get him to
do this, right?
251
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,122
Well, yeah, he works
a lot, but I'm sure
252
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,289
he's still the same
sweet kid.
253
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,691
(elevator bell dings)
254
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,701
(laughs)
255
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:48,869
What up, bitches?
256
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,671
Did somebody call
a master jingle-ist?
257
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,306
Because D.C. is in the
hizz-ouse.
258
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,175
(chuckling)
259
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,144
Hey.
Hi. Oh!
260
00:07:58,411 --> 00:08:00,047
Oh!
261
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,815
That could've
been you, Sydney!
262
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,016
50 yards, jingle boy.
263
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,451
In effect till 2015.
264
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,719
You're adorable.
265
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,655
So why me?
266
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:08,822
Why barbeque sauce?
267
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,391
Why now?
268
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,126
You're great; it's great.
You are.
269
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,162
It's a time that worked
for all of our schedules.
270
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,864
Look, you guys gave me
my first shot,
271
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,199
so I felt I owed it to you
to at least take the meeting,
272
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,568
but I thought my agent
would've told you,
273
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,135
I don't do condiments.
274
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,071
Your mom was lovely, but she
didn't mention that on the call.
275
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,806
Well, then she is no longer
my agent.
276
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,474
I just fired her.
277
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,010
Wow.
L-Look, this is more
than just a condiment.
278
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,545
A condiment is something
that you throw
279
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,246
on a meal at the last minute;
it's an afterthought.
280
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,648
Satan's Tongue is
the main event.
281
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,983
It's more like a
meal replacement.
282
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,685
I had one for breakfast,
one for lunch,
283
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,219
and then a sensible dinner.
284
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,420
You know what,
I'm gonna do something
285
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,555
that I don't normally do.
286
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,024
I'm gonna take off my sunglasses
287
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,059
and I'm gonna really listen.
288
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,995
This sauce of yours,
289
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,097
does it have a story?
290
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,932
It actually does.
291
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,504
(high-pitched squeal)
292
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,706
Begin.
293
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,507
(piano playing)
50 years ago,
294
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,442
there was a strange old woman
295
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:04,411
with a slightly
complicated sex life.
296
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,714
She found her steak
to be dry and tough
297
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,548
and wanted to find a way
to moisten her meat.
298
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:12,786
* Is your tenderloin
less than tender? *
299
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:15,055
She went to her cupboard
and found molasses,
300
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,792
ghost peppers and seven
secret ingredients.
301
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,962
* Seven wonders
of the secret spice world *
302
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,563
Shh.
303
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:24,898
Was that part of the song
304
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,734
or do you want us
to actually be quiet?
305
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,135
* It's kind of both because...
306
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,103
You know what? I'm in.
307
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,104
This is officially
308
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,706
a Danny Chase joint.
309
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,941
Yes!
Great.
310
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,610
Guess who's gonna be singing
your words?
311
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:37,978
Danny don't guess.
312
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:38,979
We will tell you right now.
313
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,280
We're going after...
314
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,815
BOTH:
Brad Paisley.
315
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,283
(gunshot noises)
316
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,954
I'm out.
BOTH: What?
317
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,789
I hate Brad Paisley.
318
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:49,957
Why? What'd he ever do to you?
319
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,925
Oh, Paisley knows
what he did to me.
320
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,393
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
Danny, Danny, Danny, sit, sit.
321
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,795
There's got to be something
we can do
322
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:55,996
to change your mind.
Something.
323
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,065
(sighs)
324
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,267
I suppose if Paisley
were to apologize to me,
325
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,603
I might consider stomaching him
for one session.
326
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,072
We haven't even
talked to him.
Done!
327
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,140
You will get
your apology, sir.
328
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,009
Then you will get
your genius jingle.
329
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,143
This is empty.
330
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,344
Why is this always empty?
331
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,946
What have I got
to do to get some
332
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,347
melon liqueur up in here?
333
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:15,615
Lauren!
Okay, I'm sorry.
334
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,117
I'm sorry.
What?
335
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,451
I over-promised again,
didn't I?
336
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:19,953
What is wrong with you?!
337
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,161
Oh, my God, I mean,
this is insane.
338
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,130
So, I strictly
forbade Andrew
339
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:32,099
from going out with Allie
last night, and what does he do?
340
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,300
Goes out with Allie.
341
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,467
I mean, this just makes me so...
342
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,203
Jealous?
annoyed.
343
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,139
No, I'm not jealous.
344
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,142
Just upset that someone is
going out with my assistant.
345
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,111
It doesn't make it any worse
that it's Andrew.
346
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,313
Right, Andrew.
Not jealous, got it.
347
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,515
ANDREW:
Okay, break it up, ladies.
348
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,117
Let's just get it
all out on the table.
349
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,685
Allie and I went out last night,
350
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:53,153
and while
she's perfectly nice,
351
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,055
I don't think I'm gonna be
seeing her again.
352
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,724
I just wasn't feeling it,
you know?
353
00:10:56,757 --> 00:10:59,860
So, why pursue something
if it's not going anywhere?
354
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,361
At least,
that's how I put it to her.
355
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:05,132
Wait, you said that to her?
Yeah, at the end of the date.
356
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,834
Thought I should be honest.
LAUREN: Who's honest,
you psychopath?
357
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,969
You don't tell someone you don't
want to see them again.
358
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,571
You lie, you evade,
you make up excuses.
359
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:12,806
There's dead grandmas
360
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,974
and work projects
361
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,542
and colds
that linger for months.
362
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,377
Lauren's right. I mean, there's
a guy from OkCupid who thinks
363
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,812
I'm in a Mexican
jail right now.
364
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,181
Gerald the security guard thinks
I'm my own twin sister.
365
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,382
You guys are
completely overreacting.
366
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,852
I'm sure she's fine.
(scoffs)
367
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:25,886
(sobbing)
368
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,687
I-I just...
369
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,957
I thought he really liked me.
370
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,393
I can't... I can't work today.
371
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:36,563
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
372
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,031
Look, we have no idea what went
down between Danny Chase
373
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,733
and Brad Paisley,
but the one thing I do know
374
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,969
is stars like Paisley
are notoriously difficult.
375
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,704
You the barbeque sauce dudes?
376
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,206
Yes, sir.
Oh, I'm totally in.
377
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,540
Look,
I know it's just regional,
378
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,042
but Big Paisley's got
to get that sauce money.
379
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,411
Wow.
Where do I sign?
380
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,882
Yeah, see, when I care
381
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,116
about a product or a cause,
382
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,550
I'm happy to lend my name to it.
383
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,186
That's the way
my mama taught me.
384
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,353
Bless your mama.
385
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,055
Here you go, Brad.
Thanks.
386
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,124
Hi, I'm Brad Paisley,
and you've reached
387
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,525
Amy's voice mail.
388
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:09,629
* Leave a message at the tone.
389
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:10,730
Good one.
390
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,200
Boom, just made 35 bucks.
391
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,567
Oh.
Wow.
392
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,903
Brad... May I call you Brad?
393
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,704
Yeah.
394
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,939
Satan's Tongue is
a wonderful product,
395
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,908
and this commercial's
gonna be the balls.
396
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,376
But there's just
one tiny, tiny hitch.
397
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,945
It's silly to even
mention it, really.
398
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,046
What?
Well, just so you know,
399
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,916
the jingle writer for
this campaign is...
400
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,018
Danny Chase.
401
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,120
Who?
402
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,123
Danny Chase.
403
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,958
Never heard of him.
(laughter)
404
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,659
(laughing):
Didn't expect that.
405
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,161
(high-pitched):
I don't know.
406
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,763
Say, Brad,
407
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,998
there's this game
that we like to play.
408
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,234
Yeah, this kind of crazy little
thing we do once in a while.
409
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,635
"What would you do"
is what it's called.
410
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,769
Yeah, "what would
you do if..."
411
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,238
All right.
Somebody asked you
412
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,007
to apologize to a stranger
you've never met before
413
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,408
for something
you don't remember doing.
414
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,811
All right, look, fellas,
I got two rules.
415
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,012
All right, one:
416
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,949
I don't do a gig without
a life-size bust of my head
417
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,616
made out of cheese.
418
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,618
That's reasonable. Yeah.
Fair enough.
419
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,787
Second: I don't apologize
for nothing.
420
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:08,989
Should've expected that.
421
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:09,990
I'm in hell.
422
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,193
Well, Andrew,
you broke my assistant.
423
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,795
So now you're gonna fix her.
Oh, yeah? How?
424
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,530
Go out with her again,
but this time,
425
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:18,999
instead of turning on the charm,
do the opposite.
426
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,167
Make her hate you.
427
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,601
We give her the victory.
428
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,371
And then boom,
I get my assistant back.
429
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,373
Sorry,
we get my assistant back.
430
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,141
What a fiendishly clever plan.
431
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,943
Um, excuse me,
this is your fault.
432
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:30,978
So you're gonna be part
of the solution.
433
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,812
All we're asking is for you
434
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:33,981
to be just
a little less charming.
435
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,115
You think you could do that?
436
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,316
(sighs)
Gosh, I don't know.
437
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:39,019
It's hard to just turn this off.
438
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:40,020
Are you gonna
act like that?
439
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,388
'Cause that will be perfect.
Thank you.
440
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:48,395
(guitar playing)
"Again, I am sorry
for that thing
441
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,330
"that I did in the past.
Mm-hmm.
442
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,132
"I feel so bad about it.
Aw.
Aw.
443
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,200
"Let's agree to move on
444
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,003
and never speak of that
thing I did again."
445
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,537
Wow.
That's the best
apology letter
446
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,172
Lauren could come up with?
447
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,974
It's worth it
for her forgery skills.
Ah.
448
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,811
"Sincerely, Brad Paisley."
449
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,381
It takes a big man to apologize
on lavender-scented stationery.
450
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:09,716
(sniffs)
451
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,218
I guess I should thank him
for the gesture.
452
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,385
No, no, no, no.
No!
453
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:13,820
Brad is a Southern gentleman.
454
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,156
It took a lot for him
to even write that apology.
455
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,092
You know,
there's an old Southern saying.
Mm-hmm.
456
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,860
About the, um...
457
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:23,196
Possum who's... um...
(stammering)
458
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,998
He's been slighted.
Yeah.
459
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,567
And he doesn't hiss
when it's been righted.
Yeah.
460
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,002
It's not a great
Southern saying.
461
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,004
Just old.
Yeah. The point is
462
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,373
(Southern accent):
you should never, ever
talk about this again.
Ever.
463
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,574
Never.
464
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,376
Hey, guys,
this jingle's pretty great.
465
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,047
* Sweeter than springtime
466
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,281
* Hotter than hell
467
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:44,017
* There's a fire in my lungs
468
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:46,886
* Someone call me an ambulance
469
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:51,658
* I just had
some Satan's Tongue. *
470
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,194
Brad, you sound amazing.
471
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,096
Let's start recording. Yeah.
472
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,031
We did it, boss.
We got Brad Paisley
473
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,133
to sing a regional commercial.
Wow.
474
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,568
I guess someone's retaining
475
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,036
their employee
of the month title.
476
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,137
Can't say I'm not relieved.
477
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:05,538
I had 12 plaques preordered.
478
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,974
(door opens)
Where's Danny?
479
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,075
BRAD: Hey, man.
Hey.
480
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,209
I just, um...
481
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,777
I just have one question.
ZACH: No!
482
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,312
Remember the possum.
Doesn't hiss.
483
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,446
Um, would you have
apologized to me
484
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,148
if I wasn't one-time
Possum. (hissing)
485
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,084
Tuney Award winner Danny Chase?
Possum.
486
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,385
(Zach chuckles)
487
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,586
I didn't apologize to you.
488
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,921
It-It's in this letter.
489
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,156
Yeah.
Or is it?
490
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,257
Or why are we here?
491
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:25,758
These and other fun
questions could be answered
492
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:26,994
after the session.
In the other room.
493
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,661
Wait, that's not my signature.
No?
494
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,297
(sniffs)
But that is my signature scent.
495
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:31,898
And what a lovely
scent it is.
496
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,333
Okay, take one, let's go
497
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,301
to the other room.
498
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,136
You lied to me.
Well...
499
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,504
Wait, you told him I wrote this?
500
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,771
What?
(scoffs)
501
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,007
Why the hell
would I apologize
502
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,475
to someone
I've never seen before?
503
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,012
You don't know who I am?
No.
504
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:48,681
You don't have any idea
what you did to me?
No.
505
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,153
DANNY (deep voice):
* You've got to know
when to hold 'em *
506
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:56,256
(high-pitched):
* And know when to fold 'em.
507
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,457
Okay, I got to stop you
right there.
508
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,858
I'm sorry, but the last time
509
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,361
I heard that sound,
somewhere a bull
510
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:02,462
became a steer.
511
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,863
You're un-American.
512
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:07,034
(buzzer blaring)
513
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,435
So this is what
you're angry about?
514
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,969
This is what you've been
putting us through hell for?
515
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:12,272
Because you were cut
from a reality show
516
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,873
that airs at 2:00
in the morning
517
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,808
after that infomercial for the
thing that shocks your face?
518
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,977
Oh, I remember you now.
519
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,179
You sang like a girl.
520
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:21,814
Hey, that is called falsetto.
521
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:22,849
Okay?
Oh, I don't know.
522
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:23,950
You know what really
matters, guys,
523
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,518
is that we're all here
to sing the jingle,
524
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,054
and we're all gonna
make a ton of money.
525
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,321
It's not about the money.
526
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,356
Oh, it's always about the money.
527
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,024
It's about the integrity.
528
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:32,959
Oh, no, he's throwing
the "I" word around.
529
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,561
You all lied to me,
and now you expect me
530
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,029
to listen to this joker
531
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,065
bastardize my song?
Hey.
532
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,400
(country twang):
* Satan's Tongue.
533
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,469
Come on, Danny, be
reasonable, please!
534
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:43,636
Simon, let me handle this.
535
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,205
I have a lot
of experience dealing
536
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,474
with people
who are emotionally challenged.
537
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,875
(grunting)
538
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:50,377
Ow, damn!
539
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,911
ZACH:
Can we get some ice?
540
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,219
ZACH:
Paisley is on his way
to the airport
541
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,553
in a Super Shuttle.
542
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:01,888
The client gets here tomorrow,
543
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,756
and we have no jingle.
544
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,092
I blew it.
545
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,727
I tried to pull
the ultimate Simon Roberts,
546
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,196
and I failed.
547
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,698
Please stop asking yourself
"What would Simon Roberts do?"
548
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,366
Why? You're the best.
549
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,335
All I want to do is be like you.
550
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,070
Maybe that's my fault,
but you know,
551
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:18,004
after my heart attack...
552
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,107
Uh, the doctor said
it was indigestion.
553
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,541
Well, technically,
your heart stops when you burp.
554
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,376
But you think to yourself,
555
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,944
who's gonna fill your shoes
when you're gone?
556
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,045
What about Sydney?
557
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,780
Her feet are bigger than mine.
558
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,449
You know,
I think I've been putting
559
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,084
too much pressure on you
to be me.
560
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,052
I feel like once
you ask yourself,
561
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,121
"What would Zach Cropper do?"
562
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,289
you're gonna be even
better than me.
563
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:38,291
So what's your next move?
564
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:41,128
I don't think there are
any moves left, Simon.
565
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,629
Nonsense!
566
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:44,063
These are the moments
when moves are born.
567
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,032
You paint yourself
into a corner,
568
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,067
then you find your way out,
and afterwards,
569
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,036
whatever you did,
you give it a cool name.
570
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,606
Yeah, but we've got no singer,
no writer, no jingle.
571
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,110
True. Just scraps of audio
of two angry men fighting.
572
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,082
Do you know the answer
and you're just not telling me?
573
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,084
Maybe I don't and maybe I don't,
574
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,219
but I'm sure you'll
575
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,920
come up with something.
576
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,456
Then I'll give it a cool name.
577
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,727
(indistinct conversation)
ALLIE: Morning, boss.
578
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,995
Morning, other boss.
579
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:17,797
You seem like you're
in a much better mood.
580
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,931
How was your date last night?
581
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,800
I mean, if you had one.
582
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,236
Yeah, how was Andrew?
If it was with him.
583
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,971
You know what, I have been
completely unprofessional.
584
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,674
From now on, it is going to be
all business, all the time.
585
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,942
I'll be right back
with your guys' coffee.
586
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,010
(sighs)
Wow.
587
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,612
Thank God it worked.
588
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,147
LAUREN:
Hey, Andrew, you did it.
589
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,582
You totally fixed Allie.
590
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,016
I mean,
she is completely over you.
591
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:38,985
What did you do? Were you just,
like, a total jerk to her?
592
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,453
Oh, no,
that was a terrible plan.
593
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,754
It was never gonna be followed.
594
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,756
No, but thank you guys
for forcing me
595
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,192
to go out with her again.
596
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,126
You know, it's generally
against my nature
597
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,095
to second-guess
my snap judgments,
598
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,198
but turns out
I kind of like her.
599
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,965
You do?
600
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,134
Yeah, uh, you know,
once we let our guards down,
601
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,170
it was-was kind
of like talking to you.
602
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,305
Okay, here you go.
Oh.
603
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,707
Thanks.
Thank you.
604
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,042
Oh, Andrew, hi.
What's up?
605
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,611
Um, listen, I read online
606
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,045
that there's
a Das Schlachtschiff tournament
607
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:08,147
at the University of Chicago
this weekend.
608
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,148
No way.
Mm-hmm.
609
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,183
That means Battleship.
610
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,018
We have a mutual love
of German board games.
611
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:14,221
(chuckles)
How anyone could pass up
612
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,356
der fuchs over here
is beyond ich.
613
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,024
ANDREW:
Where's your Milch Kaffee?
614
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,392
I'll go make one.
Oh, thank you.
615
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,194
That's milk and coffee
in German.
616
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,395
(chuckles)
617
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,897
Wow, they seem really
into each other.
618
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,899
SYDNEY:
Yeah, they do.
619
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,335
Oh, it's okay, Syd.
620
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,902
We always want them
a little more
621
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,170
when they're
unavailable, right?
622
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,640
When I heard Gerald the
security guard got a girlfriend,
623
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,041
part of me was
a little jealous,
624
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,176
but then the bigger part of me
didn't want to get murdered,
625
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:40,079
so I let it go.
626
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:42,048
Oh, my God, Millie,
I can barely breathe.
627
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,584
Brad Paisley
is about to sing
628
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:45,918
about our sauce.
629
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,020
I'm dying. I just died.
630
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:50,357
Ladies, get ready to have
your socks knocked off.
631
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,225
Can I just say one thing?
632
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,926
Zach, we've talked about this.
They want a jingle.
633
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,495
I know, of course.
634
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,864
It's just, I thought
I might have a better idea,
635
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,065
but for-forget it,
go ahead.
636
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,667
Well, if it's better,
637
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,869
then shouldn't we hear it?
638
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,003
No, no, I think
it's too extreme.
639
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,672
I think it's fresh.
People these days
640
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,374
don't have the attention spans
for jingles.
641
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,175
I'm losing focus
from myself right now.
642
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,410
Can't I?
643
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,944
All right, fine,
do what you want.
644
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,079
You always do.
645
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,914
They're probably
gonna hate it.
646
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,416
Look, it's just
another way to go.
647
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,686
Meet Satan's Tongue 2.0.
648
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,053
It really
649
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,455
packs the Paisley punch.
650
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,690
PAISLEY:
Ow, damn!
651
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,024
(giggling)
652
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,393
We've all heard
Brad Paisley sing.
653
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:29,028
What we haven't heard
is him howl in exquisite pain
654
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,363
from your delicious sauce.
655
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,798
And Brad loves
this sauce so much,
656
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,266
he's willing to put his
voice inside every bottle.
657
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:34,367
Ow, damn!
658
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,435
Ow, ow, damn!
659
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,136
I love it.
I'm dying again!
660
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,237
ZACH:
Check it out.
661
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:40,473
Ow, damn!
Hey, boss?
Yeah?
662
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,141
I think I just came
up with my first move.
663
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,943
It's called the
bicker and swap.
664
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,812
Ow, damn!
Great work, but you know
it's just a nod and switch
665
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,648
with a disagreement at the top.
You're really not gonna
let me have this one?
666
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,217
You want the top of my
mountain, you're gonna
have to push me off.
667
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:56,989
So, ladies, are we good to go?
Ow, damn!
668
00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,791
And mark.
I'll do it for you, boss.
669
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,460
I'll give you Devil's Tongue.
Give me Devil's Tongue?
670
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,094
Ah.
671
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:05,164
Look, Syd, Allie's a grown woman
and so am I.
672
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,667
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
673
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,129
You stinker!
48521
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