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1
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:09,369
Jump back, baby.
2
00:00:48,974 --> 00:00:53,429
Fritz, did you go down and
see the welfare people today?
3
00:00:53,474 --> 00:00:56,565
Yeah. They told me to report
some place tomorrow.
4
00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:58,664
I got it written down
on a piece of paper, I think.
5
00:00:58,707 --> 00:01:00,605
Listen, are you gonna go?
6
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,503
I don't know. Let's fuck.
7
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:06,166
Then will you go out and
look for a job like you said?
8
00:01:06,208 --> 00:01:08,265
What? Did I say that?
9
00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:11,364
Man, oh, man, am I stoned!
10
00:01:11,407 --> 00:01:14,931
How is it a grown man
can spend so much time...
11
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:19,633
just dreaming about what
he's gonna do for his family?
12
00:01:21,174 --> 00:01:25,106
For Christ's sakes!
Will you come down to Earth?
13
00:01:25,141 --> 00:01:29,233
What we need is
the basic staff of life!
14
00:01:29,274 --> 00:01:30,637
Like grub!
15
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:34,731
I never saw anybody walking
around more stoned than you.
16
00:01:34,774 --> 00:01:36,603
Always stoned!
17
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,367
Where do you get the money
to buy that grass?
18
00:01:39,407 --> 00:01:40,668
Will you tell me?
19
00:01:40,707 --> 00:01:43,105
You and your Acapulco Gold.
20
00:01:43,141 --> 00:01:45,538
You know what that is?
That's shit!
21
00:01:45,574 --> 00:01:49,438
Which is what you are!
You are shit, Fritz!
22
00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:51,906
Here's something you don't know.
23
00:01:51,941 --> 00:01:55,566
Harvey and I made it.
What do you think of that?
24
00:01:55,607 --> 00:01:58,505
We made it, and he's better
in bed than you are.
25
00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:01,301
You know why?
He's hung like a horse.
26
00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:04,500
What about you?
You're nothing.
27
00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:06,200
You're nothing
in the living room.
28
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:07,797
You're nothing
in the bathroom.
29
00:02:07,841 --> 00:02:09,363
You're nothing in bed.
30
00:02:09,407 --> 00:02:13,396
You don't even change the damn
roller on the toilet paper.
31
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,497
I'm the one
that uses that mostly.
32
00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:16,717
And what about
putting the seat down?
33
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:17,968
Why don't you ever do that?
34
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:22,497
Why don't you take that
chicken-shit grin off your face?
35
00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:26,370
Fritz! You're a no-good!
36
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:29,339
How much can a person take?
37
00:02:30,674 --> 00:02:33,106
And why don't you ever
put the goddamn seat down...
38
00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:35,164
when you're through peeing?
39
00:02:35,208 --> 00:02:36,901
You rotten putz, you!
40
00:02:36,941 --> 00:02:39,237
That's all you do is sit around.
41
00:02:39,274 --> 00:02:42,501
I never saw anything like it
in my entire life!
42
00:02:42,540 --> 00:02:44,472
You know what
I would like to do to you?
43
00:02:44,507 --> 00:02:46,735
I would like to take you
and shake you...
44
00:02:46,774 --> 00:02:50,433
until all your teeth
fall right onto the floor...
45
00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:51,838
and then you know what I'd do?
46
00:02:51,874 --> 00:02:53,635
I'd stamp on them,
all the teeth...
47
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,050
and I'd make them
right into powder.
48
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:57,267
And then I'd sprinkle the powder
right over your head.
49
00:02:57,307 --> 00:03:00,501
And then I would knock you
right in the goddamn face!
50
00:03:00,540 --> 00:03:02,200
I'd like to pulverize you!
51
00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:03,536
I'd take your nose...
52
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,733
and I'd put it across
the room on the wall.
53
00:03:05,774 --> 00:03:09,172
I'd like to knock you
into next week sometimes!
54
00:03:09,208 --> 00:03:12,401
This is it, Fritz.
I'm really sore.
55
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,906
Now, I'm really sore.
I am sick to death!
56
00:03:14,941 --> 00:03:17,032
I'm gonna tell you one time
and one time only...
57
00:03:17,074 --> 00:03:18,801
so you better listen to me...
58
00:03:18,841 --> 00:03:20,466
because if you don't
listen to me now...
59
00:03:20,507 --> 00:03:21,700
I ain't gonna say it again.
60
00:03:21,741 --> 00:03:24,003
I'll go out and get myself
a two by four...
61
00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:25,700
and beat your fucking head in!
62
00:03:25,741 --> 00:03:27,866
You are gonna pick up
after yourself.
63
00:03:27,907 --> 00:03:29,930
From now on, I'm through
picking up after you.
64
00:03:29,974 --> 00:03:33,202
And you will put the seat down
on that goddamn toilet!
65
00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:35,638
I'm telling you one time
and one time only.
66
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,765
You're a no-good bum,
and I've had it with you, Fritz!
67
00:03:38,807 --> 00:03:40,796
I have had it with you!
68
00:03:47,407 --> 00:03:49,237
And let me tell you
something else.
69
00:03:49,274 --> 00:03:51,172
I know you play around.
70
00:03:51,208 --> 00:03:54,231
Don't try to lie to me.
71
00:03:54,274 --> 00:03:56,569
You don't even have
a guilty look on your face.
72
00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:57,850
You really don't give a goddamn.
73
00:03:57,874 --> 00:04:00,396
I know that
you're playing around.
74
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,804
Don't think I haven't seen you.
75
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,864
I get telephone calls
from girls.
76
00:04:03,907 --> 00:04:06,395
They call me up.
God knows why they want you.
77
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,929
Don't they know
how shitty you are in bed?!
78
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:15,539
Hey, man, don't do that.
79
00:04:15,574 --> 00:04:17,040
What? Do what?
80
00:04:17,074 --> 00:04:18,250
You know what I'm talking about.
81
00:04:18,274 --> 00:04:20,297
What the hell
are you laying on me, man?
82
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,170
I ain't laying
nothing on you, man.
83
00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:24,435
It's what you laid on me.
No need to be crude.
84
00:04:24,474 --> 00:04:26,463
God damn it,
you freaking out or something?
85
00:04:26,507 --> 00:04:29,439
Look, Juan, if we can
just cash this welfare check...
86
00:04:29,474 --> 00:04:32,304
we can get us some Rip Bull
or maybe even some muscatel.
87
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,329
Kiss off, dude!
That's your problem.
88
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,567
You ain't got the guts
to admit when you're wrong.
89
00:04:36,607 --> 00:04:39,233
You just passed gas at me, man,
and that's uncool.
90
00:04:39,274 --> 00:04:40,569
Oh, wow.
91
00:04:40,607 --> 00:04:43,233
Don't have the guts to confess
you're a goddamn coward.
92
00:04:43,274 --> 00:04:45,240
You're just like my sister.
93
00:04:45,274 --> 00:04:47,899
Well, you P.R.s
are hypersensitive, you know?
94
00:04:47,941 --> 00:04:49,117
I thought you and me
were friends.
95
00:04:49,141 --> 00:04:50,970
A little wig out,
I'm a religion now, huh?
96
00:04:51,008 --> 00:04:52,303
A P.R., huh? Nice.
97
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,863
Hey, about your sister,
Juan...
98
00:04:53,907 --> 00:04:55,600
does she have big tits?
99
00:04:58,274 --> 00:05:00,297
I wish you people
would learn to speak English.
100
00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:01,636
Christ knows we were here first.
101
00:05:01,674 --> 00:05:04,970
It's the only way I talk to
a man who has habits like a pig.
102
00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:06,201
Man, don't be that way.
103
00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:08,502
Let's get some wine
and go see your sister...
104
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,097
and maybe we can get it on.
105
00:05:10,141 --> 00:05:13,073
Beats the hell out of
freezing our balls off, right?
106
00:05:13,108 --> 00:05:16,767
No deal, man.
I can't trust you no more.
107
00:05:16,807 --> 00:05:19,069
I can't let you
fuck my sister, you know?
108
00:05:19,108 --> 00:05:20,698
You got no class, man.
109
00:05:20,741 --> 00:05:22,434
You wouldn't let me
fuck your sister.
110
00:05:22,474 --> 00:05:23,997
Why should I let you
fuck mine?
111
00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:25,700
Listen, your sister
is some piece of ass.
112
00:05:25,741 --> 00:05:28,332
I know, man. Yeah.
113
00:05:28,374 --> 00:05:29,840
My sister?
114
00:05:29,874 --> 00:05:31,772
Wow, man,
I can't believe that.
115
00:05:31,807 --> 00:05:33,296
Yeah, man,
you better believe it.
116
00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:35,966
She was a female creature
of tender passion...
117
00:05:36,008 --> 00:05:38,439
of simple earthen charm,
you know?
118
00:05:38,474 --> 00:05:41,599
Wow, dude, that's good.
119
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,936
Yeah, you could say that.
120
00:05:43,974 --> 00:05:46,405
Juan, you better get back
in the phone booth again.
121
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,463
I feel a fart coming on.
122
00:06:00,574 --> 00:06:02,301
Check it out.
123
00:06:02,340 --> 00:06:05,431
We done came
all the way across town...
124
00:06:05,474 --> 00:06:09,600
done caught busses and cars
and hitchhiked to get here...
125
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,163
then put on
our best clothes...
126
00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:12,798
so we can walk
in this neighborhood...
127
00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:15,671
so we can get in one
of these white houses...
128
00:06:15,707 --> 00:06:18,332
to rip off one of them
$400 televisions...
129
00:06:18,374 --> 00:06:20,273
one of them $300 watches...
130
00:06:20,307 --> 00:06:22,466
one of them
Panasonic, rena-sonic...
131
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,803
exto-sonic,
plesto-plastic stereos.
132
00:06:25,841 --> 00:06:28,069
With the quadro-flex,
modu-lextic...
133
00:06:28,108 --> 00:06:31,199
medu-modula needles
and shit...
134
00:06:31,241 --> 00:06:32,399
Big-time shit, man.
135
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,783
I ain't never heard
of nothing like that.
136
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:35,830
You ain't in
this community, blood!
137
00:06:35,874 --> 00:06:38,431
That's why we came here,
you know what I'm saying?
138
00:06:38,474 --> 00:06:40,134
You don't know
what you doing, man.
139
00:06:40,174 --> 00:06:43,163
I also be doing this big-time
organizing and shit.
140
00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:47,640
You ripping off washing machines
and toilet paper.
141
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:51,198
Unusual odd shit.
Now you know why we here.
142
00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:53,672
OK, now...
143
00:06:53,707 --> 00:06:56,299
we gonna crawl in this here
window, all right?
144
00:06:56,340 --> 00:07:00,329
You take the downstairs,
and I'll take the upstairs.
145
00:07:00,374 --> 00:07:02,897
Why is it that I always
got to take the downstairs?
146
00:07:02,941 --> 00:07:05,203
Beause you don't like
jumping out of windows, man.
147
00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:06,399
Shit!
148
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,406
Now, will you
cut that out, Fritz?
149
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,100
Hey!
150
00:07:12,774 --> 00:07:15,206
The beauty of cannabis.
151
00:07:15,241 --> 00:07:17,763
And then once we get inside,
get everything...
152
00:07:17,807 --> 00:07:20,432
Don't get no washing machines...
Then leave.
153
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:21,735
Somebody's home!
154
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,240
Doesn't it fill you with joy?
155
00:07:23,274 --> 00:07:24,603
Is that cat smoking?
156
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,266
The unfettered exuberance,
the lust for life?
157
00:07:27,307 --> 00:07:28,773
It makes you...
158
00:07:28,807 --> 00:07:30,830
Look how
he's smoking weed.
159
00:07:30,874 --> 00:07:32,499
Want to drop
your phony inhibitions...
160
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:35,529
and love your fellow man?
161
00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:38,006
Look at that chick
with them titties!
162
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,939
Or brother, maybe.
Doesn't it? Huh?
163
00:07:41,474 --> 00:07:42,940
It is Juan's sister.
164
00:07:42,974 --> 00:07:45,701
Don't you kind of see things
more clearly, huh?
165
00:07:51,374 --> 00:07:54,239
That's right.
Take a good, long drag, sis.
166
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,172
Now breathe in the smoke.
Deep.
167
00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,673
It'll help clear your sinuses.
168
00:07:59,941 --> 00:08:02,634
Hey, I feel light-headed.
169
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:11,136
That is Juan's sister, man!
170
00:08:11,174 --> 00:08:13,662
He's going to the store!
171
00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:35,798
Looks like a feature film,
you know what I mean?
172
00:08:35,841 --> 00:08:37,068
Right on.
173
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:06,601
Will it really
expand my... awareness?
174
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,731
Well, you know what they say...
175
00:09:08,774 --> 00:09:11,831
"Take tea and see."
176
00:09:11,874 --> 00:09:14,204
Doesn't clear my sinuses at all.
177
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:21,595
Daddy says you're only good
for getting the papers.
178
00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:26,467
Is that all
you're good for, Fritz?
179
00:09:26,507 --> 00:09:28,837
That's some kick, huh?
180
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:33,635
You know the most interesting
thing about smoking?
181
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,537
It causes
excessive perspiration...
182
00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:37,597
and a person has to take
off all his clothes.
183
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,765
Otherwise, he can drown
to death in his own juices.
184
00:09:48,841 --> 00:09:53,240
Now, this activity
is like artificial respiration.
185
00:09:53,274 --> 00:09:55,466
Smoke some more of this shit.
Fuck them.
186
00:09:57,707 --> 00:10:00,605
If I get up in this pad,
I got the downstairs...
187
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,004
- Hold it in.
- I'll knock it out.
188
00:10:03,041 --> 00:10:04,802
You'd knock it out, you'd what?
189
00:10:04,841 --> 00:10:10,740
I love my brother's friends.
190
00:10:10,774 --> 00:10:13,297
Man, he ought to put a bag
over that ugly bitch's head.
191
00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:15,499
Stick her head
in the couch, man.
192
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,301
Before I stick
my thing in her...
193
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:19,806
- Look at them fuck.
- Man, hold up.
194
00:10:21,008 --> 00:10:22,803
Makes me kind of horny, man.
195
00:10:22,841 --> 00:10:24,171
- Yeah.
- Let's rob.
196
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,935
Duck, man. There's a car
coming up the driveway.
197
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,337
I bet it's her old man.
198
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:34,332
Is this good for the liver?
199
00:10:36,674 --> 00:10:39,799
Oh, Fritz. That's good!
200
00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:41,068
Chita!
201
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,630
That's the ugliest motherfucker.
202
00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:43,833
Daddy!
203
00:10:43,874 --> 00:10:45,305
Look at
that snaggle-toothed...
204
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,533
big, greasy, fucking nasty pig.
205
00:10:47,574 --> 00:10:50,268
Gee, pops, maybe I should
go get the papers, huh?
206
00:10:50,307 --> 00:10:54,297
Papers?! Why, you, you!
Little son of a bitch.
207
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:56,397
What do you want, pops,
News or the Times?
208
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,736
Pink commie bastard!
209
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,066
Shit.
210
00:11:03,108 --> 00:11:05,539
I guess you killed him,
right in the ass.
211
00:11:05,574 --> 00:11:07,938
I guess we can't
rob this pad today, huh?
212
00:11:07,974 --> 00:11:11,065
We'll come back tomorrow.
213
00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:13,663
My sister was once
in psychoanalysis.
214
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,139
She says you're a boy
who would fuck his mother.
215
00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:17,901
And what have you
done for Ralphie?
216
00:11:17,941 --> 00:11:19,964
Other than to teach him
how to masturbate?
217
00:11:20,008 --> 00:11:22,405
And left-handed, no less.
218
00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:20,169
You must be new around here.
219
00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:23,503
I haven't seen your face before.
220
00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:25,438
My old lady kicked me
out of the house.
221
00:12:25,474 --> 00:12:28,440
I've had this streak
of bad luck lately...
222
00:12:28,474 --> 00:12:30,702
and she's been making noise
I should go find work.
223
00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:39,597
What'd you say,
something about work?
224
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,333
Everybody knows
that's what kills a man.
225
00:12:45,540 --> 00:12:48,234
Starts out
with an eight-hour day...
226
00:12:48,274 --> 00:12:50,137
forty hours a week...
227
00:12:50,174 --> 00:12:53,163
and, hell, boy,
before you know it...
228
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:57,333
you're married to some fine-ass
woman and buying a house.
229
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:03,063
I'll help you.
230
00:13:05,407 --> 00:13:08,272
Yeah, that's terrible.
231
00:13:08,307 --> 00:13:10,137
Work is terrible.
232
00:13:10,174 --> 00:13:13,367
What the hell
do you get for it, anyway?
233
00:13:13,407 --> 00:13:14,964
Jeez, I don't know.
234
00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:17,530
It's just money is all.
It's evil.
235
00:13:17,574 --> 00:13:19,403
I tell you, it's evil.
236
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,100
It all starts
from having to work.
237
00:13:22,141 --> 00:13:24,732
Now, if you
don't have to work...
238
00:13:24,774 --> 00:13:26,637
why, you don't get any money.
239
00:13:26,674 --> 00:13:28,606
You know what I mean?
It's that simple.
240
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,333
Yeah. That's what
I try to tell my old lady.
241
00:13:31,374 --> 00:13:34,306
She sent my ass down
to the welfare office again...
242
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:35,717
and those creeps
started to hit on me...
243
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:38,935
about receiving public
assistance for over a year...
244
00:13:38,974 --> 00:13:43,463
and here was my last...
Are you OK?
245
00:13:43,507 --> 00:13:44,973
It's my last check and all...
246
00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:46,283
and I had failed
to find employment again.
247
00:13:46,307 --> 00:13:49,138
It's just too much bullshit,
so I split.
248
00:13:49,174 --> 00:13:50,450
It doesn't pay
to hit the big time.
249
00:13:50,474 --> 00:13:53,066
- No.
- Yeah.
250
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,896
Oh, wow.
251
00:14:09,108 --> 00:14:11,733
Well, you got any plans, son?
252
00:14:11,774 --> 00:14:14,002
Oh, yeah.
I figured I'd settle down here.
253
00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:16,132
Get away from
all the zipper-heads uptown.
254
00:14:16,174 --> 00:14:19,799
Not get involved with all
the extemporaneous bullshit.
255
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:21,739
And, hey, by the way,
what's your name?
256
00:14:21,774 --> 00:14:25,036
Oh, I'm God.
257
00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,903
Wow, man, that is heavy.
258
00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:29,066
You're really God, huh?
No shit?
259
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,300
You OK?
260
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:43,239
I've been God for about
three and a half years now.
261
00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:47,396
A lot of responsibility,
you know.
262
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,100
I'll bet.
263
00:14:54,141 --> 00:14:56,868
Also, I'm black belt karate.
264
00:14:56,907 --> 00:14:59,668
No shit?
Wow, this really blows my mind.
265
00:14:59,707 --> 00:15:01,332
Me, I'm standing here
rapping with God.
266
00:15:01,374 --> 00:15:03,340
Far out!
267
00:15:03,374 --> 00:15:05,340
You want to be my assistant?
268
00:15:05,374 --> 00:15:06,738
Well...
269
00:15:06,774 --> 00:15:10,172
I might be forced
to give up my job.
270
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,970
I can't keep busting my ass
this here way.
271
00:15:17,274 --> 00:15:20,865
Anyway, I've been into some
heavy gear in one of my lives.
272
00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:22,600
I got nine of them, pal.
273
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,799
I got hung up with
the weirdest dude one time...
274
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,864
you could ever imagine.
275
00:15:29,741 --> 00:15:31,536
This guy I'm thinking of
was really psycho...
276
00:15:31,574 --> 00:15:33,563
you wouldn't believe it.
277
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,463
Jesus.
278
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:02,172
Wow, God, you really do
some weird shit, you know?
279
00:16:10,141 --> 00:16:13,573
Make the fucking world in
seven days... try it sometime.
280
00:16:35,774 --> 00:16:37,364
Work your vanilla!
281
00:16:41,174 --> 00:16:43,163
Oh, the Yanks are coming!
282
00:16:45,841 --> 00:16:49,705
And remember,
your fathers and mothers...
283
00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:52,798
and all of your Fatherland
will be watching you.
284
00:16:52,841 --> 00:16:55,773
Envying in the great glory...
285
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,796
for which you
have been selected...
286
00:16:58,841 --> 00:17:03,240
you all have promised
to die for the Fuhrer.
287
00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:05,796
Who wants to be next?
288
00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:08,069
Ooh! Oh, Mama!
289
00:17:08,108 --> 00:17:10,835
Mama, was Papa
ever like this?
290
00:17:35,374 --> 00:17:38,670
Mein Fuhrer, the bombs have
just killed your orderly!
291
00:17:38,707 --> 00:17:42,105
Ah, another orderly gone.
292
00:17:42,141 --> 00:17:44,470
Get me another one!
293
00:17:44,507 --> 00:17:47,302
Order another orderly quickly!
294
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:48,966
Another orderly quickly!
295
00:17:49,008 --> 00:17:50,564
Another orderly!
296
00:17:50,607 --> 00:17:53,300
Another orderly
for the Fuhrer!
297
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,363
Put up
an "Out of Orderly" sign!
298
00:17:55,407 --> 00:18:00,102
- Harder!
- I get excited! Good!
299
00:18:00,141 --> 00:18:02,504
My Lenore!
300
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,268
My liebchen!
301
00:18:09,874 --> 00:18:13,431
Ohh! Hans!
I mean, he was... ohh!
302
00:18:13,474 --> 00:18:15,270
Hans, I'm sorry. I...
303
00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:16,933
Stand aside!
304
00:18:16,974 --> 00:18:19,963
Oh, he was so wonderful!
Oh, Hans!
305
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,270
I mean, he was...
306
00:18:23,307 --> 00:18:25,206
My aching swastika!
307
00:18:25,241 --> 00:18:27,570
I thought being a Nazi
as all "Sieg, Sieg"...
308
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,835
and "Sieg Heil!"
This is for shit!
309
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:31,806
I better get my ass
the fuck out of here.
310
00:18:31,841 --> 00:18:33,137
War is hell!
311
00:18:49,041 --> 00:18:52,438
Mein Fuhrer, here are
the candidates for your orderly.
312
00:18:56,407 --> 00:18:57,839
Heil Hitler!
313
00:18:57,874 --> 00:19:00,362
Sieg heil!
314
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,998
That one!
315
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,268
I want that one!
316
00:19:03,307 --> 00:19:05,535
Him! That's him!
317
00:19:19,507 --> 00:19:23,099
Excuse me, Fuhrer.
I didn't mean to stare.
318
00:19:23,141 --> 00:19:26,436
What is it? You see
something missing maybe?
319
00:19:26,474 --> 00:19:28,667
No, no!
Everything's fine...
320
00:19:28,707 --> 00:19:30,866
but you've only
got one ball.
321
00:19:30,907 --> 00:19:34,566
Everybody in the Third Reich
has to do without something!
322
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,073
I see.
323
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:40,301
When the Fuhrer is naked,
everyone is naked!
324
00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:44,296
Well, here I am, aren't I?
Hi.
325
00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:47,568
Imbecile. Imbecile.
326
00:19:47,607 --> 00:19:51,596
Don't you know what is
expected of you now?
327
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,198
What? I think
you dropped something.
328
00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:56,798
What? I dropped something?
329
00:19:56,841 --> 00:19:59,034
I put the soap
in your hand, you see...
330
00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:01,063
and you seem
to have let it go.
331
00:20:01,108 --> 00:20:02,971
Dropped it, like...
332
00:20:03,008 --> 00:20:06,202
almost like you weren't
interested in washing at all!
333
00:20:06,241 --> 00:20:08,604
I was not conscious of this.
334
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,629
It is simple to see,
Mein Fuhrer.
335
00:20:10,674 --> 00:20:13,333
You're real motivations
are blocked here.
336
00:20:13,374 --> 00:20:16,829
Blocked?
What is blocked?
337
00:20:16,874 --> 00:20:18,362
It's a new word.
338
00:20:18,407 --> 00:20:20,237
It means what's inside
can't get outside.
339
00:20:20,274 --> 00:20:21,671
Some kind of
Freudian horseshit.
340
00:20:21,707 --> 00:20:25,140
Oh, inside, can't get out...
341
00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:27,003
You're a nice boy.
342
00:20:29,707 --> 00:20:32,230
I'm going to make
a confession.
343
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:36,297
Sometimes, I would like
to be a ballet dancer.
344
00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:37,829
Really? No kidding?
345
00:20:37,874 --> 00:20:40,170
I often see myself in the opera.
346
00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:41,434
Oh, wow.
347
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:43,372
And the people
are applauding me!
348
00:20:43,407 --> 00:20:45,101
Well, sure they would.
349
00:20:55,174 --> 00:20:57,072
There you go! You see?
350
00:20:57,108 --> 00:20:58,937
That means this whole
number you're doing...
351
00:20:58,974 --> 00:21:01,065
This conquest
of the world thing...
352
00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:04,074
or whatever it is,
is just to get attention.
353
00:21:04,108 --> 00:21:06,801
Interesting
you should say that...
354
00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:09,034
but I am washing, see, now?
355
00:21:09,074 --> 00:21:12,131
So why did I drop the soap?
356
00:21:12,174 --> 00:21:15,299
Well, that,
my dear Herr Hitler...
357
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,499
is a question
you must ask yourself...
358
00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:20,335
when you wrestle with
the true identity, you know.
359
00:21:20,374 --> 00:21:22,897
I mean, in the dawning
of self-awareness...
360
00:21:22,941 --> 00:21:25,304
between you
and your pillow, man...
361
00:21:25,340 --> 00:21:27,670
when after the labors
of sleepless nights...
362
00:21:27,707 --> 00:21:32,469
you gained the exalted heights
of the altar of truth!
363
00:21:32,507 --> 00:21:34,167
You have insight.
364
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:37,503
When I see something
I want, I grab it.
365
00:21:37,540 --> 00:21:38,836
Sure, why not?
366
00:21:38,874 --> 00:21:43,499
And my stomach doesn't stop
to ask my head if it's hungry.
367
00:21:43,540 --> 00:21:44,733
No, that figures.
368
00:21:44,774 --> 00:21:49,070
By the way,
what is your name?
369
00:21:49,108 --> 00:21:51,074
Fritz.
370
00:21:51,108 --> 00:21:56,597
Well, Fritz, you say
you once had three balls?
371
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:57,867
Yeah.
372
00:21:57,907 --> 00:22:01,067
Would you like to try for one?
373
00:22:01,108 --> 00:22:03,733
I don't... Sir!
374
00:22:03,774 --> 00:22:06,240
Listen... OK, OK!
375
00:22:06,274 --> 00:22:08,899
Now, look,
I'm gonna pick up the soap.
376
00:22:08,941 --> 00:22:10,736
I am. Just wait.
377
00:22:10,774 --> 00:22:14,070
I'm gonna bend over now.
Just...
378
00:22:14,108 --> 00:22:17,074
I'm gonna...
Hey, watch it, will ya?!
379
00:22:17,108 --> 00:22:19,403
Mein Fuhrer, wait!
380
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,100
Oh, my God, wait!
381
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,639
Ich bin der fuhrer!
382
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:33,038
Gee, Fuhrer,
now you got no balls.
383
00:22:33,074 --> 00:22:35,131
Mein Fuhrer!
384
00:22:35,174 --> 00:22:40,129
Gentlemen,
we can no longer continue.
385
00:22:40,174 --> 00:22:42,935
War is just
a question of balls.
386
00:22:42,974 --> 00:22:46,406
Ja, balls.
387
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,372
Goebbels.
Goebbels, are you not...
388
00:22:49,407 --> 00:22:51,873
my most loyal
and truthful assistant?
389
00:22:51,907 --> 00:22:53,395
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.
390
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:57,395
Did you not invent the slogan
which binds all us Nazis?
391
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:58,838
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.
392
00:22:58,874 --> 00:23:00,396
And what is that slogan?
393
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,633
Death before dishonor.
394
00:23:01,674 --> 00:23:04,572
What an asshole slogan.
395
00:23:04,607 --> 00:23:06,869
You can always
change the slogan.
396
00:23:15,141 --> 00:23:17,107
You must think
of Fraulein Braun.
397
00:23:17,141 --> 00:23:18,629
She needs you.
398
00:23:18,674 --> 00:23:20,731
Ja, think of Eva.
399
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:23,036
How she would miss you, Adolf.
400
00:23:23,074 --> 00:23:25,369
That's right.
401
00:23:27,307 --> 00:23:30,740
After all,
who could take my place?
402
00:23:30,774 --> 00:23:32,569
Sieg heil!
403
00:24:43,307 --> 00:24:45,603
I got that Nazi rat bastard...
404
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,606
right between
the crack in his ass!
405
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:52,039
Now how do those sons of bitches
expect to win a war...
406
00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:54,403
when they're out of
goddamn uniform, huh?
407
00:24:58,041 --> 00:24:59,939
I don't have any time
to do anything for myself!
408
00:24:59,974 --> 00:25:02,565
I don't even have time
to get myself a new diaphragm!
409
00:25:02,607 --> 00:25:05,165
If you hold it up to the light,
you can see little pinholes.
410
00:25:05,208 --> 00:25:09,367
Fritz, I'm tired of
plugging it up with Chapstick!
411
00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:19,571
Out of my shop.
I won't cash your check...
412
00:25:19,607 --> 00:25:21,808
and there's no such thing
as a refund on those things...
413
00:25:21,841 --> 00:25:23,932
just 'cause you say
it don't fit quite right.
414
00:25:23,974 --> 00:25:26,065
But it's never been used, Niki.
415
00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:27,630
I'll even take
a prorated refund.
416
00:25:27,674 --> 00:25:29,072
It was used!
417
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,463
Well, only a little, a quickie.
418
00:25:36,507 --> 00:25:39,302
And I bet I know who this
was used on, too, huh?
419
00:25:39,340 --> 00:25:41,636
OK, Niki, you're on.
Try to guess who.
420
00:25:41,674 --> 00:25:44,799
Let's see now.
With your filthy taste...
421
00:25:44,841 --> 00:25:46,773
let's see,
it must be a fat one, right?
422
00:25:46,807 --> 00:25:49,637
Yeah, right. Go on.
423
00:25:49,674 --> 00:25:53,504
And I just bet she sweat a lot,
and she smell like a goat, huh?
424
00:25:53,540 --> 00:25:54,801
Right.
425
00:25:55,807 --> 00:25:58,739
And she's got bad breath,
no teeth?
426
00:25:58,774 --> 00:26:01,138
Yes! Go on!
You're getting warmer!
427
00:26:01,174 --> 00:26:04,197
And she's got big, hairy...
428
00:26:04,241 --> 00:26:07,798
goddamn moustache
on the top lip!
429
00:26:07,841 --> 00:26:10,898
Oh, you got me, Niki.
You got me nailed, man.
430
00:26:10,941 --> 00:26:12,237
And I'll bet...
431
00:26:12,274 --> 00:26:15,603
that fucking whore been with
every guy on this block, right?
432
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:16,833
Right!
433
00:26:18,108 --> 00:26:20,596
Niki, you're a genius!
434
00:26:21,741 --> 00:26:25,503
Niki, you only left out
one thing.
435
00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:27,597
What did I leave out, Fritz?
436
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,606
You know what?
She's got the clap!
437
00:26:32,807 --> 00:26:35,773
That's right!
438
00:26:35,807 --> 00:26:38,296
How could I skip that?
That's a nice one.
439
00:26:38,340 --> 00:26:39,966
She got to have the clap, right?
440
00:26:40,008 --> 00:26:41,974
She has to.
441
00:26:42,008 --> 00:26:44,236
- Hey, Fritz.
- Shit.
442
00:26:44,274 --> 00:26:46,967
Fritz, I'll tell you something.
You're not so bad, you know?
443
00:26:47,008 --> 00:26:50,440
Maybe I'll cash your check
after all.
444
00:26:50,474 --> 00:26:53,202
Hey, Fritz, tell me...
445
00:26:53,241 --> 00:26:55,230
what's this fat
whore pig's name, huh?
446
00:26:55,274 --> 00:26:58,172
- What's the broad's name?
- Gina.
447
00:26:58,208 --> 00:26:59,434
- Hey, Fritz.
- What?
448
00:26:59,474 --> 00:27:01,168
That's a-my wife's name.
449
00:27:01,208 --> 00:27:03,935
Gina is my wife's name.
She don't have the clap.
450
00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:07,839
She does now.
451
00:27:07,874 --> 00:27:09,499
Why, you...
452
00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:11,597
You fucking cat,
I rip your balls off!
453
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,231
Get the fuck out of my shop!
454
00:27:13,274 --> 00:27:16,001
Fuck off! You fucking cat!
455
00:27:16,041 --> 00:27:18,598
I kill you!
I fuck you in the ass!
456
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,765
Fritz, man, what's
all this noise about, man?
457
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:22,966
I can hear all the way
from the alley.
458
00:27:24,008 --> 00:27:25,940
Don't even come here!
459
00:27:25,974 --> 00:27:28,065
Aw, nothing.
Niki can't take a joke.
460
00:27:28,108 --> 00:27:29,630
He takes things too seriously.
461
00:27:29,674 --> 00:27:31,333
It's hard not to around here.
462
00:27:31,374 --> 00:27:33,306
Gets pretty fucking
deadly sometimes.
463
00:27:33,340 --> 00:27:37,068
I heard it was better years ago,
you know what I mean?
464
00:27:37,108 --> 00:27:39,733
But, Lenny, things have
always been, more or less...
465
00:27:39,774 --> 00:27:41,138
up-and-down situation.
466
00:27:41,174 --> 00:27:43,605
This street wasn't always
a shit-house, let me tell ya.
467
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,163
And even as far back
as the thirties...
468
00:27:45,208 --> 00:27:46,817
there were those who gave
and those that took.
469
00:27:46,841 --> 00:27:50,205
Aw, Fritz, but what do I do
with this here thing?
470
00:27:50,241 --> 00:27:52,468
You can have it.
I'm done with it anyway.
471
00:27:52,507 --> 00:27:54,167
When I was
back in the thirties...
472
00:27:54,208 --> 00:27:56,867
I was one very sharp
continental-type stud.
473
00:28:17,507 --> 00:28:21,439
The only thing we have
to fear is...
474
00:28:21,474 --> 00:28:22,997
fear itself.
475
00:28:50,607 --> 00:28:52,971
People must have faith.
476
00:28:55,974 --> 00:28:59,065
Together... we cannot fail.
477
00:29:16,141 --> 00:29:21,073
And it is up to you...
to support... and make it work.
478
00:34:19,807 --> 00:34:21,296
Hey, putz!
479
00:34:21,340 --> 00:34:23,533
Your idea of helping out
with the gas shortage...
480
00:34:23,574 --> 00:34:25,904
was to stop eating pizza...
481
00:34:25,941 --> 00:34:27,907
and bring home
four of your hooker friends...
482
00:34:27,941 --> 00:34:30,736
to sleep with us at night
to stimulate heat.
483
00:34:32,108 --> 00:34:33,850
Look, I don't know
how you can own a business...
484
00:34:33,874 --> 00:34:35,430
and not be able to cash...
485
00:34:35,474 --> 00:34:37,997
this miserable pittance
of a welfare check is all.
486
00:34:38,041 --> 00:34:39,836
If I give you all my money...
487
00:34:39,874 --> 00:34:42,339
I'll have nothing left
to buy with.
488
00:34:42,374 --> 00:34:44,704
Oh, Christ,
then you are in luck, Morris.
489
00:34:44,741 --> 00:34:46,969
Look at this. Knowing of
your love for the unusual...
490
00:34:47,008 --> 00:34:49,817
I've brought you something
you won't be able to resist.
491
00:34:49,841 --> 00:34:51,000
- I know it.
- Resist?
492
00:34:51,041 --> 00:34:52,529
Believe me, I could resist.
493
00:34:52,574 --> 00:34:56,063
Just look at it, Morris...
The design, the gentle contours.
494
00:34:56,108 --> 00:34:58,403
Why, it's almost Louis Quinze
for Christ's sake.
495
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,304
It's disgusting,
for Christ's sake.
496
00:35:01,340 --> 00:35:03,568
It's the type of item
that will sell so fast...
497
00:35:03,607 --> 00:35:06,539
you'll be pleading for more
inside of a week, believe me.
498
00:35:09,174 --> 00:35:11,639
It's been used. I can tell.
499
00:35:11,674 --> 00:35:13,572
What? Used?
By a little old lady.
500
00:35:13,607 --> 00:35:15,937
A one-owner shitter...
And genteel.
501
00:35:15,974 --> 00:35:18,303
That's gentile,
you stupid bastard.
502
00:35:18,340 --> 00:35:19,567
Don't get hosteel.
503
00:35:19,607 --> 00:35:20,834
That's "hostile."
504
00:35:20,874 --> 00:35:22,450
You're taking
the wrong approach, Morris.
505
00:35:22,474 --> 00:35:24,736
Now, some of my best friends
are Jewish.
506
00:35:24,774 --> 00:35:27,365
Do I look like
the Chase Manhattan Bank?
507
00:35:27,407 --> 00:35:30,396
You come in here with
out-of-money look in your face.
508
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,906
Look like you got hit in
the head with a foul pitch...
509
00:35:32,941 --> 00:35:34,964
and you want to sell me this.
510
00:35:35,008 --> 00:35:37,667
But with inflation, the value
of a dollar going down...
511
00:35:37,707 --> 00:35:39,605
my expenses skyrocketing...
512
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:43,266
Why, even this week, the price
of a decent circumcision...
513
00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:45,297
something I shudder
to think about.
514
00:35:45,340 --> 00:35:46,931
I agree with you there...
515
00:35:46,974 --> 00:35:50,406
but what's that got to do
with my toilet seat?
516
00:35:52,907 --> 00:35:56,032
That's the point, my friend.
517
00:35:56,074 --> 00:35:58,562
My old seder
used to say to me...
518
00:35:58,607 --> 00:36:02,630
"Morris, take a pickle.
It's made for eating."
519
00:36:02,674 --> 00:36:05,731
The thing you're holding
is made for shitting.
520
00:36:05,774 --> 00:36:07,501
It's simple logic.
521
00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:09,200
You could even be a Rockefeller.
522
00:36:09,241 --> 00:36:12,764
It's tough to find
a good pickle.
523
00:36:14,974 --> 00:36:19,134
Socioeconomically speaking,
you're absolutely correct, but...
524
00:36:19,174 --> 00:36:21,140
Look, Fritz...
525
00:36:21,174 --> 00:36:23,231
the pickles are beginning
to get to me.
526
00:36:23,274 --> 00:36:26,933
And these days, a soft stool
is too important to me...
527
00:36:26,974 --> 00:36:29,963
for something to quibble,
so I'll make you a deal.
528
00:36:30,008 --> 00:36:31,633
Tell you what I'm going to do.
529
00:36:31,674 --> 00:36:34,902
You give me the seat,
I'll trade for you a bargain.
530
00:36:39,174 --> 00:36:42,163
Where did you get this thing?
531
00:36:43,208 --> 00:36:46,731
Questions... youth,
all the time, questions.
532
00:36:46,774 --> 00:36:48,933
Nowadays people
don't know an opportunity...
533
00:36:48,974 --> 00:36:50,940
when it smacks them
upside of the face.
534
00:36:50,974 --> 00:36:52,872
I think I've been screwed.
535
00:36:52,907 --> 00:36:55,498
With that, you could be
the next man on the moon.
536
00:36:55,540 --> 00:36:57,699
Fuck the moon.
I been further than that once.
537
00:36:57,741 --> 00:36:59,969
That's no big deal.
I'd rather take a shit.
538
00:37:00,008 --> 00:37:01,496
So would I.
Give me the seat.
539
00:37:01,540 --> 00:37:02,984
I'm going to hit you
on the top of the head.
540
00:37:03,008 --> 00:37:06,168
This should cure you.
Here we go. I say heal!
541
00:37:06,208 --> 00:37:08,265
Heal, Mr. Cobbs, heal!
542
00:37:08,307 --> 00:37:10,773
Through the power vested
in me by God, Jesus Christ...
543
00:37:10,807 --> 00:37:12,273
I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.
544
00:37:12,374 --> 00:37:14,034
Hello, world.
545
00:37:14,074 --> 00:37:17,234
This is the event
mankind has been waiting for...
546
00:37:17,274 --> 00:37:20,206
The first man launched to Mars.
547
00:37:20,241 --> 00:37:24,003
Fritz, I got to tell you
something right out in front.
548
00:37:24,041 --> 00:37:26,132
If it wouldn't be
for this fucking cold...
549
00:37:26,174 --> 00:37:29,163
I'd be going
all the way to Mars with you.
550
00:37:29,208 --> 00:37:31,969
39 million miles... a drop kick.
551
00:37:32,008 --> 00:37:34,633
But the doc says
I can't fly with this cold.
552
00:37:34,674 --> 00:37:36,163
It's bad for the ears.
553
00:37:36,208 --> 00:37:38,448
He said something about me
popping a drum or something...
554
00:37:38,474 --> 00:37:41,338
I don't know.
555
00:37:42,974 --> 00:37:44,701
Jeez, I got to get
some more Binaca.
556
00:37:44,741 --> 00:37:47,264
Put that in my bring-ups,
will you?
557
00:37:47,307 --> 00:37:48,817
Fritz, you know
how I hate to bother you...
558
00:37:48,841 --> 00:37:50,363
when you're
getting near the pad...
559
00:37:50,407 --> 00:37:53,498
but we got to make a decision
on the Poli-Grip account.
560
00:37:53,540 --> 00:37:55,529
I can see you with
a package of five spots...
561
00:37:55,574 --> 00:37:57,972
for the Japanese
and Taiwan market.
562
00:37:58,008 --> 00:38:00,838
Incidentally,
the residuals will be unreal.
563
00:38:00,874 --> 00:38:03,567
It's eight million yen
for every thirteen-week cycle...
564
00:38:03,607 --> 00:38:05,005
and you don't
have to declare it.
565
00:38:05,041 --> 00:38:07,166
You know,
there's a whole cult...
566
00:38:07,208 --> 00:38:09,140
of denture-adhesive freaks
out there...
567
00:38:09,174 --> 00:38:10,571
just waiting for a leader.
568
00:38:10,607 --> 00:38:12,835
Some of them
still got their own teeth.
569
00:38:12,874 --> 00:38:15,431
Am I bothering you
with all this, Fritz?
570
00:38:15,474 --> 00:38:17,372
My God, Fritz,
I got to get some air in here.
571
00:38:17,407 --> 00:38:20,033
I feel myself slipping away.
572
00:38:20,074 --> 00:38:21,416
Now, I know
you're against charities...
573
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:22,929
and benefits and freebies...
574
00:38:22,974 --> 00:38:25,133
but hear me out
on this one, Fritzie.
575
00:38:25,174 --> 00:38:27,639
There's a nationwide
charity telethon coming up...
576
00:38:27,674 --> 00:38:29,503
the first of next month...
577
00:38:29,540 --> 00:38:31,938
for the further development
of all-vegetable...
578
00:38:31,974 --> 00:38:35,906
organically-grown
polyunsaturated Preparation H...
579
00:38:35,941 --> 00:38:37,168
With suntan oil.
580
00:38:37,208 --> 00:38:39,901
Jerry Lewis is going
to be there... everybody.
581
00:38:39,941 --> 00:38:42,372
And before you shut me off,
I got to tell you...
582
00:38:42,407 --> 00:38:45,373
the exposure will be
sensational for you.
583
00:38:45,407 --> 00:38:46,750
And we might even have
a spin-off...
584
00:38:46,774 --> 00:38:48,172
on a new movie
that's coming out...
585
00:38:48,208 --> 00:38:51,140
with Frankie Avalon
and Annette Funicello...
586
00:38:51,174 --> 00:38:53,003
called "Beach Ball Piles."
587
00:38:53,041 --> 00:38:56,302
Well, Fritz, I see
we arrived at the pad...
588
00:38:56,340 --> 00:38:57,917
so this will give you
some things to think about...
589
00:38:57,941 --> 00:38:59,964
on a 39-million mile trip.
590
00:39:00,008 --> 00:39:02,838
And remember, Fritz, sweetheart,
I'd be with you all the way...
591
00:39:02,874 --> 00:39:05,305
it wouldn't be
for this fucking cold.
592
00:39:07,841 --> 00:39:10,466
Hot damn.
That chick wouldn't look bad...
593
00:39:10,507 --> 00:39:12,564
holding up a Hershey's bar,
would she?
594
00:39:13,941 --> 00:39:15,429
With nuts.
595
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,463
Ah, freedom of the press.
596
00:39:22,507 --> 00:39:24,769
Jeez, I feel sorry
for the poor slob.
597
00:39:24,807 --> 00:39:26,830
I wouldn't make that trip
with him with six points.
598
00:39:26,874 --> 00:39:29,601
Hey, Fritz, baby,
want to talk to Walter?
599
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,266
Sure. Why not?
600
00:39:31,307 --> 00:39:34,740
Fritz, does being the first
to set foot on Mars...
601
00:39:34,774 --> 00:39:37,002
Golly... kind of give you
goose bumps?
602
00:39:37,041 --> 00:39:40,064
Ahem. Gentlemen,
I've been up and down...
603
00:39:40,108 --> 00:39:42,097
the four corners
of this big old world...
604
00:39:42,141 --> 00:39:44,629
and I've seen it all,
and I've done it all.
605
00:39:44,674 --> 00:39:48,266
I've fought many a good man
and laid many a good woman.
606
00:39:48,307 --> 00:39:51,240
And I've had riches, fame,
and adventure, too.
607
00:39:51,274 --> 00:39:53,831
Yes. I've stood
eyeball-to-eyeball with death...
608
00:39:53,874 --> 00:39:58,239
countless times
and never, never once squinted.
609
00:39:58,274 --> 00:40:00,569
Oh, I've tasted life
to the fullest...
610
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:03,630
and still my tortured soul
cries out... more!
611
00:40:03,674 --> 00:40:09,073
More! Oh, shit!
God, can there be any more?
612
00:40:09,108 --> 00:40:11,471
How do it feel, Fritz?
613
00:40:11,507 --> 00:40:14,235
I mean,
Mars ain't around the corner.
614
00:40:14,274 --> 00:40:16,103
You're so right.
615
00:40:16,141 --> 00:40:19,107
Hey, would you like
to discuss this in private?
616
00:40:19,141 --> 00:40:21,834
Gee, you got
a lovely pair of eyes.
617
00:40:21,874 --> 00:40:23,305
In private?
618
00:40:23,340 --> 00:40:24,499
Sure. Listen, doll...
619
00:40:24,540 --> 00:40:26,166
I'd kind of like
to give you a break.
620
00:40:26,208 --> 00:40:28,071
You know,
kind of help pay back...
621
00:40:28,108 --> 00:40:30,199
for what my people
did to your people.
622
00:40:30,241 --> 00:40:32,298
Yeah? What kind of a break?
623
00:40:32,340 --> 00:40:36,068
Well, you know, an exclusive...
An inside story.
624
00:40:36,108 --> 00:40:39,733
Fritz, wait a second!
Wait! Come on, what about us?
625
00:40:39,774 --> 00:40:43,729
What about a statement?
Give us a break, man, come on.
626
00:41:27,741 --> 00:41:29,730
Baby.
627
00:41:38,108 --> 00:41:40,665
We interrupt this telecast
of the first flight to Mars...
628
00:41:40,707 --> 00:41:42,764
for a message
of real importance.
629
00:41:42,807 --> 00:41:46,398
As chairman of the board
of the Golf Oil company...
630
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:50,100
with its 13,000 dealers
from coast-to-coast...
631
00:41:50,141 --> 00:41:54,267
I want to welcome you all
to this momentous event.
632
00:41:54,307 --> 00:41:58,035
When you drive into
one of our Golf stations...
633
00:41:58,074 --> 00:42:01,699
say howdy to the man
who polishes your window...
634
00:42:01,741 --> 00:42:06,003
and we'll say howdy
right back at you.
635
00:42:08,108 --> 00:42:09,300
At this very minute...
636
00:42:09,340 --> 00:42:12,306
you can look at one
of our own Golf refineries...
637
00:42:12,340 --> 00:42:16,796
pumping away seven days a week,
twenty-four hours a day...
638
00:42:16,841 --> 00:42:19,864
filling your tanks
with gasoline.
639
00:42:19,907 --> 00:42:23,566
We at Golf Oil are
bringing you this telecast...
640
00:42:23,607 --> 00:42:27,505
in appreciation of the millions
of happy Golf customers...
641
00:42:27,540 --> 00:42:30,301
when they say, "Fill 'er up."
642
00:42:30,340 --> 00:42:31,772
What's that I hear?
643
00:42:35,008 --> 00:42:38,735
Jeez, look at the money
they put in that rocket.
644
00:42:38,774 --> 00:42:40,263
You could buy time
on "The Waltons"...
645
00:42:40,307 --> 00:42:42,330
for a year
with that kind of bread.
646
00:42:45,141 --> 00:42:47,164
I wonder how you put a deal
like that together.
647
00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:49,197
That's fascinating.
648
00:42:53,841 --> 00:42:55,568
We have ignition.
649
00:42:58,841 --> 00:43:00,431
Me, too!
650
00:43:00,474 --> 00:43:01,997
Baby!
651
00:43:07,841 --> 00:43:09,568
So unbelievable.
652
00:43:09,607 --> 00:43:12,005
My brother-in-law would like
a rocket like that.
653
00:43:16,307 --> 00:43:17,796
Shit.
654
00:43:29,807 --> 00:43:31,363
That's fascinating.
655
00:43:39,241 --> 00:43:40,638
Gee, look at that.
656
00:43:40,674 --> 00:43:42,197
Well, there he goes.
657
00:43:42,241 --> 00:43:44,331
When he gets back,
we'll make millions.
658
00:44:05,208 --> 00:44:08,106
Jeez, I hope they got
that explosion on tape.
659
00:44:08,141 --> 00:44:11,664
It'd be perfect
for our forest lawn spots.
660
00:44:34,141 --> 00:44:35,902
Mr. Cobb. Heal, Mr. Cobb.
661
00:44:35,941 --> 00:44:37,463
Yeah. Heal.
662
00:44:37,507 --> 00:44:39,905
Through the power vested
in me by God, Jesus Christ...
663
00:44:39,941 --> 00:44:42,668
I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.
664
00:45:26,208 --> 00:45:28,935
Let me make one thing
very clear...
665
00:45:28,974 --> 00:45:31,405
I am not a crook.
666
00:45:31,474 --> 00:45:33,065
Why don't you climb up
off your ass?
667
00:45:33,108 --> 00:45:34,616
Remember I was telling you
you should get to be...
668
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,538
a contestant
on "Let's Make a Deal"?
669
00:45:36,574 --> 00:45:38,597
I'll tell you what.
You dress up like a frog.
670
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:40,765
You look good in green.
And wear a yarmulke.
671
00:45:40,807 --> 00:45:42,397
I think he likes Jewish people.
672
00:45:49,208 --> 00:45:53,435
Man, am I hung up,
strung out, and uptight.
673
00:45:55,474 --> 00:45:58,804
Hey. God damn it,
I know that laugh.
674
00:46:04,474 --> 00:46:07,804
Man, it couldn't be.
675
00:46:09,274 --> 00:46:11,967
Hey, man. You in a bag.
676
00:46:12,008 --> 00:46:15,633
Hey, Duke, is it really you?
677
00:46:15,674 --> 00:46:16,833
No shit.
678
00:46:16,874 --> 00:46:19,102
But I thought you were dead.
I thought they got you.
679
00:46:20,208 --> 00:46:22,935
Fritz, you ain't changed a bit.
680
00:46:22,974 --> 00:46:25,906
You still don't know
where it's at.
681
00:46:25,941 --> 00:46:28,032
What are you doing
down here, anyway?
682
00:46:28,074 --> 00:46:31,506
I'm looking for the true meaning
of my existence, as usual.
683
00:46:31,540 --> 00:46:33,472
I got tired of
the pseudointellectuals...
684
00:46:33,507 --> 00:46:36,473
and the super-hype bullshitters
running the world...
685
00:46:36,507 --> 00:46:38,769
determining my destiny.
686
00:46:38,807 --> 00:46:41,739
You dig it?
And crushing my creative juices?
687
00:46:44,507 --> 00:46:46,133
Now lay the straight line on me.
688
00:46:46,174 --> 00:46:48,401
My old lady kicked my ass out.
689
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:49,963
That's what I figured.
690
00:46:50,008 --> 00:46:51,303
But you know, Duke...
691
00:46:51,340 --> 00:46:55,568
it's going to be better
for all of us, really.
692
00:46:55,607 --> 00:46:56,903
No shit.
693
00:47:01,274 --> 00:47:03,535
Ain't I heard that
somewhere before?
694
00:47:03,574 --> 00:47:05,234
That's no bullshit.
695
00:47:05,274 --> 00:47:07,705
There's better days ahead,
I kid you not.
696
00:47:07,741 --> 00:47:11,003
We brothers got some great times
rolling our way, man.
697
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,367
- Now you brothers, huh?
- Right on.
698
00:47:15,407 --> 00:47:17,339
Shit. No telling
how black we'll be...
699
00:47:17,374 --> 00:47:19,136
by the time
this little chat ends.
700
00:47:19,174 --> 00:47:21,072
Take my word for it. I know.
701
00:47:21,108 --> 00:47:23,665
Hey, Duke, you ever
hear of New Jersey?
702
00:47:24,707 --> 00:47:26,935
Sure.
703
00:47:26,974 --> 00:47:28,496
You ever heard
of Ray Charles?
704
00:47:28,540 --> 00:47:30,802
Yeah. Hey, and I'll tell you...
705
00:47:30,841 --> 00:47:33,034
you crows are finally
going to come into your own.
706
00:47:33,074 --> 00:47:34,369
You wait and see.
707
00:47:34,407 --> 00:47:37,669
Jive sucker come into
the ghetto, talking some stuff.
708
00:47:37,707 --> 00:47:40,696
Ought to cut the jive mother.
709
00:47:51,674 --> 00:47:52,970
Twenty-five.
710
00:47:53,008 --> 00:47:56,337
Ready, aim, fire!
711
00:47:57,340 --> 00:47:59,772
Twenty-six.
712
00:48:16,174 --> 00:48:19,299
Hey, man, your number's up.
713
00:48:19,340 --> 00:48:21,239
Come on, let's get to this.
714
00:48:21,274 --> 00:48:24,069
But... look, please, sir...
715
00:48:24,108 --> 00:48:26,801
you got the wrong guy, see?
716
00:48:26,841 --> 00:48:29,966
Don't push!
717
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,997
At least let me tell you
the way it happened, fella, huh?
718
00:48:36,374 --> 00:48:38,283
Go over to the White House
and pick up a package.
719
00:48:38,307 --> 00:48:40,001
Yes, sir.
720
00:48:44,174 --> 00:48:45,537
Mr. President.
721
00:48:45,574 --> 00:48:46,972
You've got to do something.
722
00:48:47,008 --> 00:48:52,304
Believe me, there's
nothing to worry about.
723
00:48:52,340 --> 00:48:54,431
Nothing to worry about?
724
00:48:54,474 --> 00:48:57,100
This... what's his name...
725
00:48:57,141 --> 00:48:58,300
Imaku.
726
00:48:58,340 --> 00:48:59,670
Whatever... is suggesting...
727
00:48:59,707 --> 00:49:02,537
that New Africa make
a federation with Cuba...
728
00:49:02,574 --> 00:49:05,404
China, Africa,
and Northern Ireland.
729
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,236
I never did trust a nigger.
730
00:49:07,274 --> 00:49:09,762
But you voted in favor
of giving them New Jersey.
731
00:49:09,807 --> 00:49:11,932
The final solution
to the schwartzen problem...
732
00:49:11,974 --> 00:49:13,167
you said.
733
00:49:13,208 --> 00:49:15,003
And we get rid
of the Puerto Ricans...
734
00:49:15,041 --> 00:49:16,700
and you can't get
a decent shoeshine...
735
00:49:16,741 --> 00:49:18,105
in the whole of America.
736
00:49:18,141 --> 00:49:22,164
I haven't seen a decent
football game in ten years.
737
00:49:22,208 --> 00:49:24,231
Honduras beat us
in the Olympics.
738
00:49:24,274 --> 00:49:26,035
You know what that means?
739
00:49:26,074 --> 00:49:28,097
We have a whole country
full of niggers...
740
00:49:28,141 --> 00:49:31,107
Angry niggers, right across
the river from New York.
741
00:49:31,141 --> 00:49:33,232
They could fart
and destroy Washington.
742
00:49:37,141 --> 00:49:39,766
All we have to do...
743
00:49:39,807 --> 00:49:43,364
is keep President
Supreme Jackson in office.
744
00:49:45,474 --> 00:49:46,633
Come in.
745
00:49:46,674 --> 00:49:48,936
Mr. President,
I'm from the messenger service.
746
00:49:48,974 --> 00:49:50,133
It's about time.
747
00:49:50,174 --> 00:49:51,950
Now, deliver this
to President Supreme Jackson.
748
00:49:51,974 --> 00:49:54,906
In New Jersey?
I mean, New Africa?
749
00:49:54,941 --> 00:49:56,271
Well, that's where he is.
750
00:49:56,307 --> 00:50:00,706
But I heard these crows don't
let whites in their country.
751
00:50:00,741 --> 00:50:02,639
How long have you been...
752
00:50:02,674 --> 00:50:04,265
with the Red Arrow
delivery service?
753
00:50:04,307 --> 00:50:07,274
Today's my first day.
I used to be on welfare.
754
00:50:12,141 --> 00:50:15,130
Go to the motor pool
and get a car and a pass.
755
00:50:15,174 --> 00:50:16,332
Yes, sir.
756
00:50:16,374 --> 00:50:18,499
Remember, this is important...
757
00:50:18,540 --> 00:50:20,166
to our national security,
so don't fail.
758
00:50:20,208 --> 00:50:21,468
I won't fail, sir.
759
00:50:21,507 --> 00:50:23,598
Please.
Stop kissing my hand.
760
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:26,629
- Yes, sir.
- And touching my palms.
761
00:50:28,941 --> 00:50:30,100
Can I help you?
762
00:50:30,141 --> 00:50:32,107
I want to see
the man in charge.
763
00:50:32,141 --> 00:50:33,436
I'm in charge here.
764
00:50:33,474 --> 00:50:36,634
I came to get a car
and a pass into New Africa.
765
00:50:36,674 --> 00:50:39,970
OK, I'll get you a car
and a pass to Niggerville.
766
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,300
This is a rotary engine Mazda.
767
00:50:44,340 --> 00:50:46,602
Them niggers will steal
anything they can.
768
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,936
No sense in risking a new car
to go over there.
769
00:50:49,974 --> 00:50:51,735
We ain't got anybody
to wash 'em up no more.
770
00:50:51,774 --> 00:50:53,263
Here you go.
771
00:50:54,340 --> 00:50:56,602
Thanks.
772
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:58,401
Come here.
773
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:02,964
If you're going to New Africa...
774
00:51:03,008 --> 00:51:06,838
I got a wife and kid over there.
775
00:51:06,874 --> 00:51:08,499
They had to go
with their people...
776
00:51:08,540 --> 00:51:10,301
when they gave the blacks
New Jersey.
777
00:51:10,340 --> 00:51:12,932
- No shit?
- Could you kind of...
778
00:51:12,974 --> 00:51:14,235
Well, there's a lot of blacks.
779
00:51:14,274 --> 00:51:15,933
You were married
to a colored woman?
780
00:51:15,974 --> 00:51:18,270
Shit. That's ten years
in the slammer.
781
00:51:18,307 --> 00:51:21,274
Yeah. Look, I don't expect you
to look for 'em...
782
00:51:21,307 --> 00:51:23,933
but if you should
happen to see 'em...
783
00:51:23,974 --> 00:51:25,599
will you tell 'em I...
784
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:27,538
Tell 'em I said hi.
785
00:51:37,174 --> 00:51:41,663
I wonder if they're
still over there?
786
00:51:43,707 --> 00:51:46,071
OK. Your pass is good. Go on.
787
00:51:46,108 --> 00:51:49,403
Oh, hey, how do I find
President Supreme Jackson?
788
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:52,406
Wave a dollar bill.
789
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,429
Yeah. Thanks.
790
00:51:54,474 --> 00:51:56,406
Yeah. Black is beautiful.
791
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:58,134
Like they say, huh?
792
00:52:22,108 --> 00:52:24,938
I hears de gentle voices.
793
00:52:29,340 --> 00:52:30,738
Hey, man.
794
00:52:30,774 --> 00:52:33,036
- Roscoe, dere, dere.
- What?
795
00:52:33,074 --> 00:52:35,505
That broad, man.
That ugly broad.
796
00:52:35,540 --> 00:52:37,234
Hey, man.
797
00:52:37,274 --> 00:52:38,850
Ain't you going to say
hello to your old lady?
798
00:52:38,874 --> 00:52:40,840
- Watch out, now.
- That bitch is too ugly...
799
00:52:40,874 --> 00:52:43,738
for you to say hello to
in public.
800
00:52:43,774 --> 00:52:45,706
Shoot. I'd go with her
a lot quicker...
801
00:52:45,741 --> 00:52:48,071
than I'd go with your mama.
802
00:52:48,108 --> 00:52:49,267
Shoot. She's so ugly...
803
00:52:49,307 --> 00:52:52,103
your daddy don't even
want to go with her.
804
00:52:52,141 --> 00:52:54,470
Shit! Look who's talking.
805
00:52:54,507 --> 00:52:57,099
Shit, if ugliness
was electricity...
806
00:52:57,141 --> 00:52:59,164
your mama would be
walking in a powerhouse.
807
00:52:59,208 --> 00:53:01,867
Oh, man, dig that.
That's light shit.
808
00:53:01,907 --> 00:53:05,304
Your mama look like
ten miles of bad road, nigger.
809
00:53:05,340 --> 00:53:06,704
Your mama got a face...
810
00:53:06,741 --> 00:53:08,604
that look like
it been run over by a bus...
811
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:12,164
and everybody kept telling
how good she looking till you.
812
00:53:12,208 --> 00:53:15,503
And then... so she's been jumping
in front of buses ever since.
813
00:53:19,507 --> 00:53:22,996
Man, I don't want to hear that.
814
00:53:27,008 --> 00:53:29,997
Oh, hey, look at that.
815
00:53:33,008 --> 00:53:36,236
Boy, some pair
of gazongas there.
816
00:53:36,274 --> 00:53:38,297
That isn't bad.
A little young.
817
00:53:38,340 --> 00:53:40,397
But, then, what the hell.
818
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,998
These chicks know where it's at
by the time they're 11 anyway.
819
00:54:20,407 --> 00:54:22,237
How do I get to the Black House?
820
00:54:22,274 --> 00:54:24,466
You take the number twenty bus
on the corner.
821
00:54:24,507 --> 00:54:27,530
You do know what a corner is,
don't you, honky?
822
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:53,367
Somebody help.
823
00:54:53,407 --> 00:54:54,896
Help!
824
00:54:56,707 --> 00:54:59,730
Hey, man. Come on,
help me, man, please.
825
00:54:59,774 --> 00:55:03,229
Oh, man. What's the matter?
826
00:55:03,274 --> 00:55:04,796
Well, a gang, man.
827
00:55:04,841 --> 00:55:06,431
They robbed...
828
00:55:06,474 --> 00:55:08,963
- Oh, Jesus.
- Help me, man.
829
00:55:11,241 --> 00:55:13,207
Hey, help!
There's a man hurt in the alley.
830
00:55:13,241 --> 00:55:14,866
Help me, somebody!
831
00:55:16,674 --> 00:55:19,572
- Where?
- Back here.
832
00:55:20,907 --> 00:55:23,271
He hurt bad?
833
00:55:23,307 --> 00:55:26,035
Look, man,
there's a phone down the block.
834
00:55:26,074 --> 00:55:28,562
Go and call an ambulance.
835
00:55:47,674 --> 00:55:48,867
Hello?
836
00:55:48,907 --> 00:55:50,634
Operator, give me the hospital.
837
00:55:50,674 --> 00:55:51,970
Give you what?
838
00:55:52,008 --> 00:55:54,940
A hospital... sick, doctor,
pain, hurt, you know.
839
00:55:54,974 --> 00:55:56,769
Just a minute, mister.
840
00:55:56,807 --> 00:55:58,830
You looking for a Dr. Sax?
841
00:55:58,874 --> 00:56:00,135
Information number 30-70.
842
00:56:00,174 --> 00:56:04,106
Is that 13-17,
or is that 30-70?
843
00:56:04,141 --> 00:56:07,834
- You making fun of me?
- No, I just wanted to get...
844
00:56:07,874 --> 00:56:10,102
Sound like you white.
You white?
845
00:56:10,141 --> 00:56:12,300
What's that got to do
with anything?
846
00:56:12,340 --> 00:56:16,000
Honky, what you doing talking
on a New African phone?
847
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:18,007
Trying to get a hospital.
848
00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:20,973
You're going to need one the way
you making fun of people.
849
00:56:21,008 --> 00:56:22,235
Look, all I want to know...
850
00:56:22,274 --> 00:56:26,399
is if the number is
13-17 or 30-70 or what.
851
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:29,565
You such a smart ass,
you figure it out.
852
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:35,168
My opponent is accusing me
of dodging the issues.
853
00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:37,174
Let me say this about that.
854
00:56:37,208 --> 00:56:41,197
Issues is the only thing
I'm not dodging.
855
00:56:42,607 --> 00:56:45,903
Hey, two more of the same.
856
00:56:45,941 --> 00:56:49,135
What am I going to do, man?
I mean, I work.
857
00:56:49,174 --> 00:56:53,129
I think I look good.
I'm still young.
858
00:56:53,174 --> 00:56:56,163
You know, I might have
about five children.
859
00:56:56,208 --> 00:56:57,833
And when I saw Jimi Hendrix...
860
00:56:57,874 --> 00:57:00,567
I'd never saw anybody
play guitar, play like...
861
00:57:00,607 --> 00:57:02,267
He took a guitar
one time and took...
862
00:57:02,307 --> 00:57:03,967
He had it round his neck, right?
863
00:57:04,008 --> 00:57:05,906
And there was a girl
in the audience...
864
00:57:05,941 --> 00:57:07,250
that he was
dedicating the song to...
865
00:57:07,274 --> 00:57:08,950
and he took it, spun it
around his neck, right?
866
00:57:08,974 --> 00:57:10,150
He's got it on his neck, right?
867
00:57:10,174 --> 00:57:11,764
Just going around.
Then he takes it...
868
00:57:11,807 --> 00:57:13,898
throws it down between
his legs and jerks it off.
869
00:57:13,941 --> 00:57:17,237
He jerks it off, man.
I couldn't believe it.
870
00:57:17,274 --> 00:57:19,263
And then threw her
right back around his...
871
00:57:19,307 --> 00:57:20,850
And then started playing
with his teeth.
872
00:57:20,874 --> 00:57:22,101
That's right. That's him.
873
00:57:22,141 --> 00:57:23,450
And then... after he played it
with his teeth...
874
00:57:23,474 --> 00:57:24,750
he dropped it
down on the ground...
875
00:57:24,774 --> 00:57:26,104
took some lighter fluid...
876
00:57:27,340 --> 00:57:29,034
You see it on the album cover.
877
00:57:29,074 --> 00:57:32,870
I decided that I just wanted
to be a prostitute.
878
00:57:32,907 --> 00:57:34,839
Oh, honey.
Wait a minute, baby.
879
00:57:34,874 --> 00:57:36,339
I just want
to do my thing, baby.
880
00:57:36,374 --> 00:57:39,068
They tell me I can
get me some furs.
881
00:57:39,108 --> 00:57:40,869
How you doing?
882
00:57:40,907 --> 00:57:42,372
Hey, pal...
883
00:57:42,407 --> 00:57:44,373
Nigger, you stepped on my shine!
884
00:57:44,407 --> 00:57:45,805
What's wrong with you?
885
00:57:45,841 --> 00:57:47,602
You better get
the fuck outta my face.
886
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:52,232
- What you talking about?
- I'll cut you. Shoot you.
887
00:57:52,274 --> 00:57:54,297
Man, nigger, step outside!
888
00:57:54,340 --> 00:57:56,568
Listen, nigger,
you better back off!
889
00:57:56,607 --> 00:57:58,164
I'll cut you
from here to tomorrow!
890
00:57:58,208 --> 00:58:00,231
Back up?
Ooh, that's right!
891
00:58:00,274 --> 00:58:03,831
I'll cut you so goddamn fast
you won't bleed till tomorrow.
892
00:58:03,874 --> 00:58:05,033
Too easy.
893
00:58:05,074 --> 00:58:07,403
Have you got change
for a dollar?
894
00:58:08,574 --> 00:58:11,836
Well, now, looky here!
895
00:58:11,874 --> 00:58:14,170
A real live white!
896
00:58:17,041 --> 00:58:18,666
Isn't anybody gonna
break up that fight?
897
00:58:18,707 --> 00:58:20,502
Them niggers
don't fight, sucker.
898
00:58:20,540 --> 00:58:23,166
Shit! They just roughin'.
899
00:58:23,208 --> 00:58:24,833
What's a whitey
doing in this joint?
900
00:58:24,874 --> 00:58:27,136
- Here you go.
- Thanks. You got a phone?
901
00:58:27,174 --> 00:58:28,662
It got ripped off.
902
00:58:28,707 --> 00:58:30,366
There's one down the street.
903
00:58:41,841 --> 00:58:45,364
Help! Somebody! Police!
904
00:58:54,474 --> 00:58:58,066
I got five dollars say
you ain't gonna buy that number.
905
00:58:58,108 --> 00:59:00,835
In fact,
I put my gold teeth on it...
906
00:59:00,874 --> 00:59:03,635
you can't make that number
with a pencil and a sheet of...
907
00:59:03,674 --> 00:59:05,265
Who goes there?
908
00:59:05,307 --> 00:59:07,865
- Excuse me.
- Don't bother me. I'm hot.
909
00:59:07,907 --> 00:59:10,805
Can you tell me where to find
President Supreme Jackson?
910
00:59:10,841 --> 00:59:12,932
This jive motherfu...
911
00:59:12,974 --> 00:59:15,167
He's right inside.
912
00:59:15,208 --> 00:59:16,969
Go ahead.
You can't make that money.
913
00:59:17,008 --> 00:59:18,803
Come on seven.
Bet five.
914
00:59:22,607 --> 00:59:23,766
Now what is it?
915
00:59:23,807 --> 00:59:26,602
Message from the White House.
The honky prez.
916
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:30,095
- The White House?
- Gimme the message.
917
00:59:30,141 --> 00:59:32,107
What does it say?
918
00:59:32,141 --> 00:59:35,834
It says that we attempt
an assassination...
919
00:59:35,874 --> 00:59:38,999
and blame it on lmaku, man.
920
00:59:39,041 --> 00:59:41,768
Attempt to assassinate who?
921
00:59:41,807 --> 00:59:43,329
You, fool!
922
00:59:43,374 --> 00:59:44,738
Don't worry, man.
923
00:59:44,774 --> 00:59:47,399
We'll get an expert shot, man,
and all he'll do is wound you.
924
00:59:47,440 --> 00:59:48,599
Wound me?
925
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:50,435
We got to make it look real.
926
00:59:50,474 --> 00:59:53,702
Fuck that shit. I ain't
gonna let nobody shoot me.
927
00:59:53,741 --> 00:59:55,002
The answer is no.
928
00:59:55,041 --> 00:59:58,007
Man, I ain't gonna
lose this election.
929
00:59:58,041 --> 01:00:00,200
If I got to get shot you are!
930
01:00:20,208 --> 01:00:21,764
Not necessarily.
931
01:00:21,807 --> 01:00:25,466
Fritz? General Jones
wants to talk to you!
932
01:00:25,507 --> 01:00:27,439
OK, thanks.
933
01:00:29,241 --> 01:00:30,536
I'm from...
934
01:00:30,574 --> 01:00:33,132
I know where the hell you from...
935
01:00:33,174 --> 01:00:35,401
- Don't anybody move!
- What's this?
936
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:36,883
We found you was
bugging our conference...
937
01:00:36,907 --> 01:00:38,650
spying on the movements,
tapping the telephones...
938
01:00:38,674 --> 01:00:41,970
and telling the papers
I use hair straightener!
939
01:00:42,008 --> 01:00:43,303
How dare you.
940
01:00:43,340 --> 01:00:45,068
- Where's Jackson?
- He's dead.
941
01:00:45,108 --> 01:00:46,267
Don't you bullshit me!
942
01:00:46,307 --> 01:00:49,796
I'm not.
Killed by an American spy.
943
01:00:49,841 --> 01:00:52,932
What? I didn't kill anybody.
944
01:00:52,974 --> 01:00:54,270
Why would they kill Jackson?
945
01:00:54,307 --> 01:00:56,671
'Cause Jackson
was a real brother.
946
01:00:56,707 --> 01:01:00,366
Ain't gonna let
this murder go unavenged!
947
01:01:00,407 --> 01:01:02,498
The council
has just declared war...
948
01:01:02,540 --> 01:01:05,665
on the United States,
and dig that!
949
01:04:09,807 --> 01:04:14,069
I thought you said we were going
to lose in two or three days.
950
01:04:14,108 --> 01:04:16,733
It's been two weeks.
951
01:04:16,774 --> 01:04:19,138
Where's all that
war reparations money...
952
01:04:19,174 --> 01:04:20,400
we was supposed to get?
953
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:22,736
All them PXs and
black market cigarettes?
954
01:04:22,774 --> 01:04:25,831
Now, give me a chance
to get my head together, man.
955
01:04:25,874 --> 01:04:27,669
Now what is it?
956
01:04:27,707 --> 01:04:30,332
The President
of the United States.
957
01:04:40,174 --> 01:04:43,765
Mr. Speaker,
Mr. Vice President...
958
01:04:43,807 --> 01:04:47,762
ladies and gentlemen,
as Commander in Chief...
959
01:04:47,807 --> 01:04:50,500
of all the United States
military forces...
960
01:04:50,540 --> 01:04:53,063
I surrender.
961
01:04:55,774 --> 01:04:57,206
What? Surrender?
962
01:04:57,241 --> 01:04:58,797
What the hell you mean,
surrender?!
963
01:04:58,841 --> 01:05:01,398
You better get back to fighting.
964
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:03,406
You folks ain't
never lost a war.
965
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:06,600
- Shit, you can win!
- We getting them whiteys back?
966
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:11,304
Unconditional surrender.
967
01:05:11,340 --> 01:05:14,329
That's your ass, Jones.
968
01:05:16,974 --> 01:05:19,217
For crimes against the Sovereign
Republic of New Africa...
969
01:05:19,241 --> 01:05:20,399
and the assassination...
970
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:22,736
of our beloved
President Supreme Jackson...
971
01:05:22,774 --> 01:05:25,365
you've been ordered
executed this day.
972
01:05:25,407 --> 01:05:27,067
You got a last request?
973
01:05:27,108 --> 01:05:29,801
Yes. Please don't shoot me.
974
01:05:31,008 --> 01:05:34,236
Ready... aim... fire!
975
01:05:34,307 --> 01:05:36,001
I bet you voted for Nixon!
976
01:05:36,041 --> 01:05:39,007
Did you by any chance,
Mr. Smart Ass...
977
01:05:39,041 --> 01:05:41,166
pop some of
my birth control pills?
978
01:05:41,208 --> 01:05:42,901
Oh, shit!
979
01:05:42,941 --> 01:05:44,998
Ralphie just peed on my shoes!
980
01:05:49,208 --> 01:05:52,731
Christ, is it refreshing
to get away...
981
01:05:52,774 --> 01:05:54,831
from the pressures
of the street.
982
01:05:56,607 --> 01:06:00,664
There's much to be said for
the advantages of isolation.
983
01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:04,469
It allows one total freedom
to pick and choose...
984
01:06:04,507 --> 01:06:09,565
without the forces
of society to wear you down.
985
01:06:12,141 --> 01:06:14,107
Take the example
of the influence...
986
01:06:14,141 --> 01:06:15,766
of our present-day culture.
987
01:06:15,807 --> 01:06:20,899
It typifies humanity's lack
of personal concern for others.
988
01:06:30,807 --> 01:06:34,001
Hey, fuck you,
you inconsiderate bastards!
989
01:06:34,041 --> 01:06:35,939
You just sit there
on your fat asses...
990
01:06:35,974 --> 01:06:38,940
and dump on life
indiscriminately.
991
01:06:45,074 --> 01:06:47,369
I suppose I should
learn to accept...
992
01:06:47,407 --> 01:06:49,873
the miniscule distractions
of life, though.
993
01:06:54,008 --> 01:06:56,099
Oh, shit!
994
01:06:59,008 --> 01:07:02,337
The sacred horn of Vishnu
wakes you up.
995
01:07:02,374 --> 01:07:04,068
Do wake up, please,
young Caucasian...
996
01:07:04,108 --> 01:07:05,971
'cause I've come
to save your very soul.
997
01:07:06,008 --> 01:07:07,997
What? You sure you want me?
998
01:07:09,307 --> 01:07:12,603
It is not possible
that I could be in error.
999
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:16,470
You see, my good book here,
it guides me as I wander...
1000
01:07:16,507 --> 01:07:19,302
through the vast cosmic universe
of my experience...
1001
01:07:19,340 --> 01:07:23,068
with astral flash
and good vibes as my bedfellows.
1002
01:07:23,108 --> 01:07:25,471
Wait a minute.
I can't get behind that really.
1003
01:07:25,507 --> 01:07:27,302
Aren't those the yellow pages?
1004
01:07:29,374 --> 01:07:31,636
Oh, man.
Could you not do that?
1005
01:07:31,674 --> 01:07:34,970
Please to wash my feet.
Wash my feet, Caucasian one.
1006
01:07:35,008 --> 01:07:36,701
Especially the left one.
1007
01:07:36,741 --> 01:07:41,299
Only this morning,
I stepped in sacred cow shit.
1008
01:07:41,340 --> 01:07:44,136
Wow, man. Hold on now.
1009
01:07:44,174 --> 01:07:47,435
I'm not really into washing
cow shit off anybody's feet.
1010
01:07:47,474 --> 01:07:49,633
This is truly a bad omen.
1011
01:07:49,674 --> 01:07:52,232
I, Javral Ben Roderiga...
1012
01:07:52,274 --> 01:07:55,297
son of the most ample
Javral Ben Roderiga Sr...
1013
01:07:55,340 --> 01:07:57,273
have been truly affronted.
1014
01:07:57,307 --> 01:07:59,739
Look, I didn't mean
to offend you, man.
1015
01:07:59,774 --> 01:08:02,865
Silence.
There is no need to explain.
1016
01:08:04,507 --> 01:08:07,598
Oh, yeah, this is nice.
Very nice.
1017
01:08:07,640 --> 01:08:09,606
The brass horn
of Vishnu announces...
1018
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:12,970
that I am the second
of two sent from the East.
1019
01:08:13,008 --> 01:08:14,871
Two also were sent
from the West.
1020
01:08:14,907 --> 01:08:16,304
No matter.
1021
01:08:16,340 --> 01:08:19,465
It was to cure those,
those poor unfortunates...
1022
01:08:19,507 --> 01:08:20,996
afflicted with the leprosy.
1023
01:08:21,041 --> 01:08:23,336
Jeez, that's really a shame,
because I've seen...
1024
01:08:23,374 --> 01:08:26,340
a lot of disease down here,
but no leprosy... so far.
1025
01:08:26,374 --> 01:08:27,965
No leprosy?
No running sores?
1026
01:08:28,008 --> 01:08:29,997
Nothing like that.
1027
01:08:30,041 --> 01:08:34,269
This is most disturbing news.
But chronic backache?
1028
01:08:34,307 --> 01:08:36,773
None of my friends have that,
either, I don't think.
1029
01:08:36,807 --> 01:08:39,568
Well, then perhaps
the dreaded dandruff...
1030
01:08:39,607 --> 01:08:41,630
or the very heartbreak
of psoriasis?
1031
01:08:41,674 --> 01:08:44,435
No. I'll tell you the truth.
I think you're a little late.
1032
01:08:44,474 --> 01:08:46,184
See, I think that went down
a long time ago.
1033
01:08:46,208 --> 01:08:47,817
I could tell you a story,
if you'd care to...
1034
01:08:47,841 --> 01:08:49,534
If you could possibly
make it short...
1035
01:08:49,574 --> 01:08:52,268
because there is
a strong possibility...
1036
01:08:52,307 --> 01:08:54,297
that I should be
in Philadelphia.
1037
01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:09,197
Jesus, this stuff is dynamite.
1038
01:09:09,241 --> 01:09:13,264
The eyes of my own soul
staring back at me.
1039
01:09:13,307 --> 01:09:16,967
God knows I've lived
the best lives I was capable of.
1040
01:09:17,008 --> 01:09:21,770
My minor infractions of
society's rules were only due...
1041
01:09:21,807 --> 01:09:24,273
Oh, please, Lucifer,
don't take me!
1042
01:09:24,307 --> 01:09:25,671
I'm not ready! I'll change!
1043
01:09:25,707 --> 01:09:28,468
I'm already changing.
Look at me change.
1044
01:09:28,507 --> 01:09:30,666
Oh, my God,
what a way to go.
1045
01:09:33,807 --> 01:09:36,602
Excuse me, certainly.
Hello?
1046
01:09:36,640 --> 01:09:38,072
Yoo-hoo down there.
1047
01:09:38,108 --> 01:09:41,767
Excuse me.
Did anyone find an earring?
1048
01:09:41,807 --> 01:09:44,602
I dropped my earring in
the trash. You'd recognize it.
1049
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:46,469
It opens on one side.
Kind of a jade color.
1050
01:09:46,507 --> 01:09:50,133
It's got a picture of Errol
Flynn and Alan Hale naked...
1051
01:09:50,174 --> 01:09:52,332
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Lucifer's a faggot!
1052
01:09:54,141 --> 01:09:56,834
Jesus Christ, my life is shit!
1053
01:09:56,874 --> 01:10:01,329
I had to get knocked up.
I could've had an abortion.
1054
01:10:01,374 --> 01:10:05,568
No. Mr. Good-Time Charlie
over there.
1055
01:10:05,607 --> 01:10:08,199
"No," he says.
"Have the baby.
1056
01:10:08,241 --> 01:10:11,298
"We'll get married.
I'll take care of you."
1057
01:10:11,340 --> 01:10:13,397
What'll you take care of?
1058
01:10:13,440 --> 01:10:15,633
It's a good thing
we got Ralphie.
1059
01:10:15,674 --> 01:10:18,504
Otherwise,
we don't even get welfare.
1060
01:10:18,540 --> 01:10:21,597
Will you tell me one thing
you ever did for my Ralphie?
1061
01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:23,435
Do you ever play with him?
1062
01:10:23,474 --> 01:10:26,270
Do you ever take him
to the ballgame?
1063
01:10:26,307 --> 01:10:28,865
Do you ever take him fishing?
How about fishing?
1064
01:10:28,907 --> 01:10:31,896
Why don't you take
your own son fishing?
1065
01:10:31,941 --> 01:10:34,566
You don't even change
his kitty litter!
1066
01:10:34,607 --> 01:10:37,937
Did you know that Dr. Spock...
1067
01:10:37,974 --> 01:10:41,236
has stated very clearly
in his book...
1068
01:10:41,274 --> 01:10:44,330
that fathers
who are never there...
1069
01:10:44,374 --> 01:10:47,704
usually makes a fag kid?
1070
01:10:47,741 --> 01:10:49,917
Do you know what he does most
of the time around the house?
1071
01:10:49,941 --> 01:10:53,237
If he's not picking his nose,
he's jerking off.
1072
01:10:53,274 --> 01:10:56,240
How's that gonna look
when he starts kindergarten?
1073
01:10:56,274 --> 01:10:58,569
Suck my dick, huh?
1074
01:10:58,607 --> 01:11:00,402
You get outta here!
1075
01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:02,872
Pack your things and get out!
1076
01:11:05,440 --> 01:11:07,770
I said get out, and I mean it!
1077
01:11:07,807 --> 01:11:09,205
While I'm still young enough...
1078
01:11:09,241 --> 01:11:12,071
to find a decent father
for my child, you bum.
1079
01:11:12,108 --> 01:11:13,573
All you do is lay around.
1080
01:11:13,607 --> 01:11:15,300
Listen, I'm sick
of cleaning up after you.
1081
01:11:15,340 --> 01:11:18,068
And don't think I don't know
that you fool around.
1082
01:11:18,108 --> 01:11:20,801
I know it.
You junkie, you hophead, you.
1083
01:11:20,841 --> 01:11:22,137
Are you kidding?
1084
01:11:22,174 --> 01:11:23,799
No, I'm not.
I'm sick of seeing you...
1085
01:11:23,841 --> 01:11:25,534
sitting around here
doing nothing.
1086
01:11:25,574 --> 01:11:26,938
Get serious!
1087
01:11:26,974 --> 01:11:29,804
Don't come back here
until you're ready to shape up!
1088
01:11:43,374 --> 01:11:46,829
Too much. I thought
she was putting me on.
1089
01:11:46,874 --> 01:11:50,136
Hey, she actually did it.
That blows my mind.
1090
01:11:50,174 --> 01:11:53,628
Hey, I don't have to go
to the welfare office tomorrow.
1091
01:11:53,674 --> 01:11:57,107
Jesus! Wow!
1092
01:12:00,108 --> 01:12:01,505
Know what that is?
That's shit!
1093
01:12:03,841 --> 01:12:05,239
You are shit!
1094
01:12:35,607 --> 01:12:37,596
Know what? Know what?
1095
01:12:37,640 --> 01:12:39,367
She's got the clap!
1096
01:12:39,407 --> 01:12:41,896
Some of my best friends...
1097
01:12:41,941 --> 01:12:43,930
When he gets back to Earth.
1098
01:13:30,008 --> 01:13:32,735
This is about
the worst life I ever had.
82049
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