Original subtitles

[static]

[program jingle]

[interference]

Briefly ahead of "No Cambié," Tamara had presented herself in the media

as the girlfriend of Paco Porras, the clairvoyant.

What became of Paco Porras?

In one of his last appearances on television, he told a horrifying story.

He said he had been kidnapped by a secret society in the town of Altea

and that he'd been tortured and sexually abused for months.

Many thought he was lying, of course.

At the end of the day, who is Paco Porras?

Someone who claims to read the future in fruit and vegetables.

But even the harshest skeptics know

that within every lie there's a spark of truth.

And if the truth behind Paco Porras is proportionate

to the size of the supposed lies that spill out of his mouth…

[drumroll]

…well, then that truth is

blinding. [voice echoes]

[metallic clank]

[tires screeching]

[indistinct voice on TV]

-Evening, my dear. I've arrived. -They'll be with you in a moment.

-I appreciate your patience. -Sure.

Podemos was not born simply to play a testimonial role.

We were born to win, to show Spain

that we can put an end to its bipartisan political system.

As of tomorrow…

What a disgrace!

An atrocity! And a… shame to reach this age to witness this.

[on TV] …five million votes.

We are the biggest party representing the working class…

[tires screeching]

[voice on TV continues, fades]

[techno music over speaker]

Hey, if you voted for him, I'm sorry.

I, uh, have a lot of respect for everyone's choices.

People like me learn to surrender to the changing tides of society,

even if they lead us to damnation.

You said people like you? Right-wingers?

No, clairvoyants.

-What've you come here for? -[Paco] For a tarot reading.

I show up, spout some nonsense,

slip in a dirty joke for a bit of flavor, then I'm off.

But what matters, the real stuff, the good stuff…

No one wants to hear the good stuff.

[bottles tinkling]

Go, ask me a big question. Go.

Uh… When's the apocalypse coming?

Three years from now, in 2018. Next question.

Why do I feel like I've already seen your face?

Well, I dunno. It's my first time here. I dunno where you've seen me before.

No, no, no. We know each other from somewhere.

Goodness, they don't mess around here, do they? What we've come to.

I don't get spooked easily though. I've got my fair share of baggage.

I really do.

In my prime, I frequented the most exclusive spots.

[nostalgic music]

I've thrown parties that if the world knew about…

Who was in attendance, all the filthy things they've done…

Heads would roll and governments would fall.

I was once invited to a massive wedding at a ministry they closed down for us.

There was a raffle and the winner could put whatever they liked

in their country's constitution.

Change an article or draw a picture of a big cock.

A free-for-all.

And when dawn broke, we would all gather naked

in front of an altar and sip some "chempagne."

"Chempagne"?

"Chempagne" is champagne served in the skull of Che Guevara.

I know who you are now.

You're Paco Porras.

-Ah! [laughs nervously] -[crystal tinkling]

Oh, damn, I…

What a surprise!

I thought I was ancient history

for the younger generation, more like a crumbling statue.

Paco, but how could I forget you, honey?

I watched you on TV all the time with my mother.

-You are so funny. -Your mother sounds charming.

Give her a big hug for me and tell her to eat her vegetables.

[both chuckle]

One moment, okay?

[ominous music playing]

So, uh… You got any of your fruits and veggies with you?

[Paco] For fruitology?

I usually reserve that stuff for more private events.

Those years on TV gave me a bad rep.

I prefer to live a more discreet life nowadays.

-On me. -[Paco] You're such a doll.

[dominatrix laughs]

It has been a while since I've found a halfway decent gig

in a high-end venue.

If this is the beginning of a good spell, it's because you've brought me luck.

Well, I hope so, Paco.

You be safe.

-Goodbye. -See you.

[ominous music playing]

THEY'VE LIED TO YOU. GET OUT THROUGH THE GARAGE EXIT. NOW!

[techno music playing faintly]

[muffled music]

[faint drumbeat]

[static buzz]

[drumbeat turns ominous]

[buzzing, music intensifies]

[buzzing, music fades]

[eerie whispering]

Hey! What's going on? What's going on? What's happening?

Careful. Careful. Please don't hurt me. I beg you!

No! Wait! Where are you taking me?

Wait. Why don't we calm down and speak like adults?

-[whoosh] -[grunts in pain]

[Paco] I'm a senior citizen!

I'm a senior citizen!

Please don't hurt me. Please!

[techno music intensifies]

[indistinct party chatter]

-[whistling] -[noisy chatter]

[music continues]

[grunts]

-[music stops] -[liquid pattering]

[trickling]

[guns cocking]

[heels clicking]

[music continues]

["Superestar" by Tamara playing]

SUPERSTAR

[wicked chuckling]

BRING ME THE HEAD OF PACO PORRAS

EPISODE 4

[song ends]

Hello, hi.

[sighs]

-[dominatrix] Paco. -Hmm?

[grunts]

What's for lunch today?

Honestly. I'm to the point you show me a drumstick

and I'm not sure if it's for eating or shoving up my butthole.

[whispering] Paco, listen to me.

[Paco grunts]

[sighs]

I think I've found a way to get you out of here.

There is a secret passage between the kitchen and the back garden.

It's where they take out the trash.

Well, thank you for the offer. I didn't love the analogy though.

But I don't think it's worth putting myself in danger.

-Paco, but why? -Because we'll get caught.

And they'll stretch my butthole as wide as a watermelon.

-And you they'll hang up like a cured ham. -What makes you think so?

Is it because you don't trust me?

[Paco scoffs]

Is it because I'm a woman?

I've been reading on the internet that you're a major misogynist, you know?

Well…

I am many things.

Well, I don't believe you're such a horrible person.

You just like being the center of attention.

[laughs] Then I'm right where I should be, huh?

Of course I trust you.

It's me. I don't think I'm a fortunate guy.

I'm not a lucky person, to be quite honest.

So, if I had even a little faith, I'd be the world's biggest moron.

-Have you always felt like this? -Not at all.

Well then,

what happened to you?

It's not exactly a fairy tale.

[nostalgic music playing]

As I was saying, I was the happiest of children.

[celestial tinkling]

[Paco] I had a privileged childhood.

For example, while other kids had imaginary friends,

I was visited by saints, virgins, and martyrs.

I was like the kid in Marcelino, Pan y Vino.

You might not know it but it's like Harry Potter for Catholics.

I was well aware I wasn't just an ordinary child,

but one morning, I discovered my real talent.

[eerie whispering]

-[machine-gun fire] -[terrified screams]

[Paco] I had the ability to see the future in fruits and vegetables.

[explosions]

[Paco] I needed something bigger than the Bible.

So, I immersed myself in the world of occultism and parapsychology.

My world kept growing bigger and bigger.

[disturbing moan]

[Paco] I started to make a name for myself before I got my first pimple.

At 13 years old, I was awarded the Silver Shell for best mentalist

at the San Sebastián Magic Festival.

-[cameras clicking, applause] -[woman] Bravo!

[Paco] I also took my first steps into the world of show business

at a very young age.

My parents, who were directors at the town's puppet theater of El Retiro,

invited me to join them on a television show.

-[puppet] I'm very well, thank you. -[Paco] I played Tejerín.

Inspired by Lieutenant Colonel Antonio Tejero.

-[uproar] -[applause]

[Paco] In order to get into character, I studied him in depth.

Everybody on the ground! Sit down, dammit!

And I discovered that Tejero had some truly fascinating ideas.

But my parents had other ideas.

-Oh, no! -I told you--

-[Paco] Stricter, less tolerant ideas. -No, Papa! Papa, no!

That was my first run-in with censorship.

To regain my confidence,

I asked a pineapple to show me what I would be like as an adult.

-[eerie whispering] -[paranormal shimmer]

[grunts]

[Paco] I liked what I saw so much

that I decided to refashion my puppet to look like me as an adult.

I named him "Paquito Churros." And his time would come.

-♪ We are, we are, we are gnomes ♪ -We are gnomes?

[Paco] Meanwhile, I continued developing my career as a cartoon dubbing artist.

-Around the world with Willy Fog. -[growling] Around, round, around…

I also appeared in the movie Miedo a Salir de Noche.

I almost didn't survive 'cause the director,

who was a bit of a sadist,

told the other actors to beat me up for real.

[dominatrix] That's awful! And what did you do?

Huh?

I'm sure you reported this director, right?

[Paco] I mean, you know.

In film, it's like that.

Eloy, though? Genius, honestly.

-Bit of a commie, but what can you do? -You and commies.

What have you got against them?

What do you mean? They're leeches, honey. Who likes to get their blood sucked?

I respect everybody, okay? I haven't even asked which way you swing.

Well, I don't make it my business to judge others.

[Paco inhales]

[sighs]

Why don't I finish this story and then tell me how you feel?

[Paco] In the '90s, I moved to one of the most spectacular houses

in all of Madrid.

That palace had been home to marquises, countesses,

and Isabel II's doctor, a huge perv,

who'd slept in every single whorehouse in Madrid.

That place had so much history, so much magic,

so much mystery, that the ghosts had to join a waitlist

to give you a haunt.

Let's see. Right now, you're at the height of your bullfighting career,

as I had predicted.

And what you really need is a woman.

A nice, discreet one, from a humble background,

who'll put up with you.

-And drink plenty of spirulina. -[murmurs]

Hey, you folks, back there! Keep it down, please!

My fruitology practice was very popular.

But what really catapulted me into fame was my segment on Tiempo de Marte.

-Paco Porras! -[TV jingle]

[Paco] That's where I became the Paco Porras I always dreamed of.

FRUITOLOGIST

-Hey there. -[Macarena] Hi, Paco. Welcome to the show.

-[Joaquín] Welcome. -It's an honor to be with you guys.

What do you have there, Paco?

I decided to come with a bit of light reading.

[chuckling]

[Paco] The end of the 20th century was pretty good to me.

But when the 21st century came…

-[thud] -[celestial tinkling]

…I was struck by a curse.

[tinkling fades]

[Paco] Disaster began the day I received an extraordinary invitation.

[wind gusting]

-[thunder rumbling] -[intriguing music playing]

[Paco] It was from a secret society.

They wanted to meet me in one of the most magical spots in Madrid.

The Tooth Fairy Museum on Arenal Street.

[music continues]

[on TV] He placed it next to the tooth, under her pillow and waited, determined,

until sleep overcame him, only to wake up face-to-face with him.

A very old little mouse!

He transformed him with his magic… Poof!

…so they could leave the palace together onto Jacometrezo Street.

And once they had made it past the fearsome cat,

he and the little mouse continued on their merry way

down the busy streets of Madrid.

[mysterious music continues]

[mice squeaking]

[tinkling]

[squeaking continues]

[magical tinkling]

[paranormal shimmer]

[soft drumroll]

[Paco] Hmm.

-[wind gusting] -[unsettling music]

[metronome ticking]

No, what?

[music turns sinister]

[wolf howling]

[Paco scoffs]

[ominous chanting]

[Paco] Oh, come on. Move! Please.

[music, metronome stops]

[sinister hum]

[Paco] Among the people who'd summoned me, there were entrepreneurs, ministers,

and members of the Royal Spanish Academy.

They called themselves "Kilometer 0."

[ominous drumroll]

[men] ♪ Alastor ♪

[wolf howling]

My God. Why'd you put that in the middle of your flag?

You mean, this majestic and mystical bull?

You had tons of animals to pick from but you chose to smack that

on the Spanish flag.

-I dunno, um, a bird of prey, a-- -You seem disappointed.

I mean, look, when you wrote and explained

that you watch over the material and spiritual order of Spain,

I expected something more impressive.

We don't subscribe to any kind of political philosophy.

And all philosophies are welcome.

Have you got any communists in here?

No, I'm kidding.

If you did, they would've stolen the curtains by now.

Spain is way more than a geographical area!

If we look at it from a four-dimensional perspective,

Spain has its architecture.

And where there is architecture, there are architects. Just like us!

And you, Paco Porras, have a brilliant mind, which few possess.

You are a media expert, and you're able to create meanings,

characters, symbols.

You, sir, are an agent of our pop culture.

And you have a massive and vulnerable audience.

Honestly, I find praise unsettling.

That's not true. Carry on, please. Sorry I interrupted you.

What are your thoughts on the feminist perspective?

Hah! I've never had such a thought.

In two decades, you won't dare say that in public.

Why's that? Why not, huh? Will a meteor strike the planet?

-What are we talking about? -Look at that image.

[ominous strident music]

[woman chanting] Hear us roar, patriarchy is no more…

That is a demonstration that will take place 8th March,

of the year 2018.

[chanting continues]

Is that footage from the future? Who gave this to you? Martians?

[master] It's a space time-tunnel.

It's a public demonstration demanding women's rights.

[dramatic music intensifies]

Wait. A feminist, public demonstration in 2018?

The same year you told me the apocalypse is happening?

So what do you care?

That's what I was referring to when I said apocalypse.

-That demonstration. -[puffs]

[women chanting] Feminists fight for every right.

[master] What you are observing is a paradigm shift.

For now, it's just a possibility.

But if we don't act now, it'll become a reality.

The ancient sacred texts describe a flower grown out of two flowers.

[sinister shimmer]

Right. A woman born of two mothers?

[tsk-tsks] That's not good.

She is sorcery made real.

Her mere existence, amplified by the media landscape,

will trigger a semantic explosion

which will eventually result in a variation in the harmonies

of dominant perspectives.

-[woman] The feminists are here to stay! -[crowd] The feminists are here to stay!

Why am I here again?

[master] You dominate the spaces where we believe this woman dwells.

Television, cinema, theater…

Find her, and deactivate her,

as soon as you can.

Right, and if I agree, what do… what do I get out of it?

Well, uh, wh… whatever you want.

I want to win a Prince of Asturias Award.

[dramatic drumroll]

So, who was she?

Please, you really think I believed a single bit of that bullshit?

[bells toll]

[Paco] To me, this whole prophecy of the girl born of two flowers

seemed like the biggest pile of crap.

But I wanted that Prince of Asturias Award, of course.

So I had no choice. I had to play along with it somehow.

What they wanted was for me to find some crazy doomsday bitch

and put her on a tight leash.

[thunder crashes]

[Paco] So that people wouldn't see her as some galactic creature,

but rather as a traditional lady, a modest woman, ordinary.

They wanted me to marry her.

And then, I was lucky enough to stumble upon

a perfect, unsuspecting idiot.

One I could win over and convince Kilometer 0

that she was the chosen one.

["No Me Pidas" by Tamara playing]

I'll hold the doors to TV for you wide open.

-Television? -I've been looking for someone to join me.

Specifically, a woman to help tell the story.

[strident buzz]

But would we have to make out or not?

Not at all. That's the best part. You don't have to do anything.

Not even open your mouth. I'll do the talking.

Right, Tita? Where were we?

But what are you gonna say in interviews?

Well, that you and I are more than friends and that…

That you are enigmatic,

and wild, and sensual, and that you're, um, well…

a lingerie model, or something like that.

-No, wait, just say a singer. -Okay, sure. I'll figure something out.

And maybe I could perform with Leonardo, you know?

Because Miguel has the mix for "No Cambié" and it's the one we wanna release first.

Don't worry, I'll manage the timing of everything.

-Understood? -Mm-hmm.

All right, all right. Here's the deal.

Right.

The main thing is to consistently stay in the headlines.

We begin with our courtship.

Then, after some time, we say that you've settled down…

-Mm-hmm. -…and our relationship is serious.

And that you're pregnant.

-Pregnant? -Yes.

Then it'll be easier to sell a shotgun wedding.

Wedding?

Well, you get the picture now. I'll think of more stuff for us later.

Leave this to me. I'll have a plan for everything.

["He Visto el Futuro" playing]

No need to be nervous, okay, Tamara? Don't worry.

If you start feeling nervous, just give me a sign and I'll come over.

Photo-calls are just basically protocol.

We sing a song a cappella to each other and--

-C'mon. Ready when you are. -Rolling?

So, Paco, why don't you introduce us to your mysterious friend?

Sure, well, um, she's an actress, uh, she's…

She is… somewhat outrageous.

Um… But very fearless. Very strong-willed,

very forward-thinking…

-Very sincere. -[sobs]

[muffled Latin dance music playing]

[sniffs]

[music clears]

[music fades in echo]

[men chanting] ♪ Alastor ♪

-[wolf howls] -It's done.

My relationship with Tamara will be announced on Tiempo de Marte.

Well, everyone, this has worked out very well.

We have stopped the chain reaction

that would have resulted in feminist hegemony.

-Let us raise a toast. -[men] ♪ Alastor ♪

-[door slams] -Oh, shit.

Oh! No, no! Please don't hit me again. Please!

Don't hit me again! Mercy!

Don't beat me again with…

with that whip that… that you've got over there.

Don't hit me again. Please, no more! Please!

What are you doing? Play along.

-What are you doing? -[Paco] No! Oh, no!

But isn't this your thing though?

Yeah, when I feel like it.

Well then, maybe you'll feel more like it next time.

You see how ugly I am?

Yeah.

Remember I'm more fascist than ugly. I'm sure that'll turn you on.

-[sighs] -[Paco] Where was I?

-Oh, yeah. The beginning of the end. -[ominous drumbeat]

To be honest with you, I am so, so happy with Paco Porras,

because… we have a really intense but very, uh… beautiful relationship.

[presenter] You and Paco Porras are dating? Are you engaged?

[Tamara] I think he wants to move quickly, so I'm the one that's pumping the brakes.

[presenter] We're buzzing with excitement to hear your new single, "No Cambié."

[in Spanish] ♪ I didn't change I didn't change, I didn't change ♪

♪ I didn't change I didn't change, I didn't change ♪

♪ I'm still the same girl But I'm no longer aching for your love ♪

-♪ I didn't change, I didn't change… ♪ -[mobile phone rings]

[insistent mobile ringing tone]

-[song fades] -[ominous music]

-[in English] Yes? -[master] Paco, why is she singing?

-What is going on? -Jesus, you got the TV on all day or what?

[master] We made it clear this woman should not talk to the media,

except as a wife or a mother.

Fix it, Paco!

[disconnected tone]

[somber trumpet playing]

[gasps]

-[bell tolls] -[soft drumroll]

[Paco] Relax. This is Ennio Morricone, my friend.

He's in a trance and can't see us right now.

[Tamara] What's wrong with them?

[Paco] You see, sometimes he comes to Spain and stops by my house.

And I put him in contact with Saint Cecilia,

the patron saint of musicians,

who gives him a hand.

She helps him record his music without needing an orchestra.

Directly from his mind.

[music continues]

[Tamara] I thought Ennio Morricone was just one man.

[Paco] He is one.

But the thing is, well, he needs to record in stereo,

so, first, Saint Cecilia has to… split him in two.

One records the L channel and the other the R channel.

[Tamara] Hmm.

What did you wanna talk about?

-I saw you on Reign of the Mornings. -Mm-hmm.

Singing as if someone was pointing a gun at your head.

I wasn't aware you were doing that.

Was I supposed to tell you, or what?

Tamara, you and I made a deal.

And neither of us can appear on television without my approval.

Hmm… So, Paco, um…

I'm sorry, but I'm actually doing absolutely all of this with you

to promote "No Cambié."

We were super clear about that.

[paranormal shimmer]

From this moment on,

no song will enter this head

or come shooting out of this woman's lungs.

-Paco, please. What are you doing? -[comic slide]

["No Cambié" playing languidly]

-From this moment on, no song-- -Paco!

[in Spanish] ♪ I'm still the same girl ♪

♪ But I'm no longer aching for your love ♪

♪ I didn't change I didn't change, I didn't change ♪

♪ I didn't change I didn't change, I didn't change ♪

♪ I found a new love and… ♪

[in English] How did you do it?

I don't know what you're talking about.

-Wait! -Don't touch me!

Sorcerer!

[Paco] Somehow, my magic had bounced off Tamara

and exploded in my ass.

But how was it possible? Who was this woman?

[yelling]

All right, Miguel,

but don't you think she could've toyed with black magic and stuff?

Or white magic? Or whatever magic is trending in the Basque Country?

I mean, her or her mother.

Yeah, you've never heard them say anything.

Not even a horoscope?

Uh-huh. Right.

Right. Well, if you ever hear… [gasps]

-[dramatic violin flourish] -[gasps]

Stop! Stop the car! Stop!

I felt something pass through me.

That strange place radiated more metaphysical energy

than the Egyptian pyramids, Area 51, and the Valley of the Fallen.

The perfect place to cast a spell that could explain

what the hell was going on.

-[magical tinkling] -[muttering gibberish]

[inhales]

[echoing exhalation]

[static interference]

Good morning.

[techno music playing]

[woman on TV] Hello, darlings. Very good afternoon to you, Isabel.

[overlapping voices on TV]

[music continues]

[in Spanish] ♪ The handkerchief dance ♪

[in English] Almost like the Y2K effect arrived later.

Her name is Tamara, born in Santurce,

and she's conquered all of Spain with her song, "No Cambié."

You must be so proud of your daughter, Margarita.

Of course I am. And her father's proud too.

He's in Santurce.

[reporter] What's your father's name, Tamara? We'll send a huge kiss from here.

Well, my father's name is Floreal. We're sending him a big kiss from here.

-[dramatic sting] -Floreal.

Margarita and Floreal.

Daughter of two flowers. It is her.

[dramatic organ music playing]

[thunder rumbling]

[Paco] It was her. Tamara!

Tamara was the "Femichrist."

Sauron's pussy. A flower of death.

But, how could I have been so unlucky or so stupid?

[master, on phone] Paco, call us. This is very bad.

Tamara has reached No. 1 on record sales and on ringtones!

[Paco] If Tamara was the chosen one, the feminist apocalypse was real.

And what's more, it was my fault.

…join us today so we can talk about Tamara's abortion.

Is it true or not?

[Paco] For the first time in my life, I was paralyzed by fear.

You see, I have made a decision.

And I'm not here to be morbid.

[expectant silence]

And I want to introduce you to a friend

who's gonna entertain you every night from now on.

[silence]

[Paco inhales]

-Paquito Churros. -[chuckles]

[comic voice] Do you have any questions about the saints?

'Cause I can answer them all!

[panelist] You know what I say, Paco?

Get out of here, man!

-[screams] -Get out! Go!

-[screaming] -[elephant roar]

-[screaming continues] -[harsh static]

[screaming]

[Paco] It was my first big TV flop.

And it was the first of many misfortunes I was about to suffer.

[cell phone ringing]

[master] Paco, this is a catastrophe.

And you have disappeared off the face of the earth.

I am very sorry, but from now on, prepare to face the consequences.

[disconnected tone]

Hey, Paco, the show had been going so well.

-[scoffs] I feel bad, man. -Why?

[Andréi] You haven't spoken to Jorge? I'm really sorry, buddy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked.

Well, anywho… Shame they won't just let you finish the season with us.

Look man, there's no slots.

But if you know Tamara's people,

give them a call and come on with her one day.

-[violent crash] -[yelps]

[men] ♪ Alastor ♪

Paco, are you all right?

Fuck, you almost met your maker.

-[electric buzzing] -[Andréi sighs]

[Paco] In a matter of months, I lost friends,

I lost lovers, I lost work.

They even withdrew my honorary membership to the Fantasy Sauna.

It had become clear to me

that Kilometer 0 had cursed me for failing to fulfill my duty.

Find her and deactivate her as soon as you can.

[glass shattering]

[breaks squeak]

[wind gusting]

[ominous music playing]

[ominous drumbeat]

[music ends]

-[gasps] -[metallic tinkling]

[grunts]

Paco, you're gonna give me a heart attack.

I'm sorry, here. What is this?

-Hairspray or-- -No!

-[Paco] What is it? -[hissing]

[screams]

-It's a spray for rapists, Paco. -Just what I needed.

You won't believe it. I was walking down the street.

I stepped on a rake, swung up and smacked me in the face.

A garden rake, for God's sake in the middle of Madrid.

What's next? Getting my foot stuck in a bear trap like a cartoon villain?

What do you want, Paco?

Hmm?

[pants, inhales]

Look, Tamara, lemme just cut to the chase.

You're going to stop with all the nonsense,

the bullshit and the modern stuff.

You're gonna quit music. You're going to marry me.

And we're gonna have a child.

I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to work on your witchcraft.

-You ridiculous insect. -I am no insect.

[Paco screams]

[Paco] I won't use witchcraft! I'll go back to old-fashioned methods.

If you don't do as you're told,

the video with Miguel will be child's play

compared to everything I'll throw at your face.

I'm gonna make you look like an absolute whore.

I'm gonna make things up.

I will show documents that'll make you and your mother die of shame.

[voice echoes]

[dramatic sting]

The "fine tuner" is what they call her

because that's how much she tries to fake orgasms.

[applause]

Well, that explains it, because she's been doing erotic shows

ever since she landed in Madrid.

[applause]

I've seen her having anal sex in front of hundreds of--

No, not hundreds. Hundreds of thousands of spectators.

[applause]

Who does she do it with?

Why, with men from all walks of life, of course.

-[dramatic music] -With delinquents, with beggars.

Physically challenged, old men.

Even workhorses and donkeys.

With innocent pets.

[distorted] And unicellular creatures.

[demonic voice] Even with a particle of dandruff, that dirty slut.

[evil laughter]

[evil laughter echoes]

[Paco] Did I enjoy telling all those stupid stories?

I don't even remember.

Maybe I even believed them, I don't know. At that time, I was unhinged.

If Tamara didn't succumb to my blackmail…

[terrifying organ flourish]

…how was I going to get out of this? Who could help me?

[terrifying organ flourish]

[flourish fades]

[soft footsteps]

[ominous silence]

[thud echoes]

[sniffs]

[gasps]

[celestial tinkling]

[women laughing]

[clamor intensifies, fades]

Hello?

[mistress] Paco Porras.

We've been watching you for some time now. More than you can even fathom.

What's happening? They have TVs in kitchens now?

[panicked breathing]

Hello.

Ah! You bitch!

[screams in pain]

We know about your special interest in the dragonfly.

And in houseflies. And the murder hornet. What are you talking about?

The dancing dragonfly.

The woman who'll hypnotize an entire generation.

Yeah, I know the story. No need to repeat it, for the love of God.

It's Tamara.

That hoe bag, that slut face, that giant cunt!

If there were Tamara soup, know how it would taste?

Would taste whore-ible!

[shrieks]

[Paco moans]

Do you feel more relaxed now?

I know what you want.

You wanna know who I work for, don't you? And if I don't tell you, I'll be tortured.

-No, wait, I'm already being tortured. -We know everything.

Who you are, what you represent, who you work for…

Oh, so you're doing this for fun then. No, that's fine by me, I'm not judging.

-[rumble of flames] -[metallic rattling]

We want you to meet with your masters.

What for?

Their lair is protected by some locks of mystic nature

that have prevented us from entering since the day it was founded.

Seals that can only be broken from the inside.

[ominous hissing]

What is with that shape, huh?

With wavy sides and that peephole above?

[gasps] I'm scared! Keep that away! Keep that away! And it burns?! Ahh!

It's very simple, Paco.

All we need is for you to remain in their secret lair for one minute

with this seal branded on your chest.

One minute and the lair will lose its protection.

And we will take care of the rest.

The total destruction of Kilometer 0.

Um…

Fine.

-I'm sorry? -[Paco] I'm happy to do it.

You've convinced me, Abigail Williams.

-[mistress hesitates] But how though? -You fucking witch.

-Really? -You've caught me on a good day.

Let's go, pussy brand me and let's get this over with.

[nervous murmurs]

[clicks fingers]

[strident music]

[silence]

Look.

My whole life walking around with this horrendous vulva.

Wow. Well, I have this.

Hmm.

-Looking forward to it. -[disconnected tone]

[Paco] I couldn't believe it.

Thanks to me, Kilometer 0 and the curse were gonna go to hell.

I was so happy I didn't care that my house was being repossessed.

[Paco] Psst, hey, you there! Come, come, come, come.

This here… That's not all part of the lot.

This is an invaluable family heirloom.

Believe it or not, this pistol belonged to Simón Bolívar.

[distant bells]

[man] Is that a bear trap?

Yep. Looks like a bear trap, yeah.

A trap for bears?

For bears, or deer. Um…

-Various types of animals. Hmm. -Right.

Is it yours?

No. No, no, no.

-Is it yours? -No, no, no. [laughs nervously]

Not yours either.

Right.

-If you ask me, it's some sort of curse? -Yes. Yes, yes. It's a curse.

Yeah.

-It's… It's a damn curse. -Yup.

[screams]

[techno music playing]

[Paco] I just needed one minute.

[dramatic organ flourish]

[Paco] Entertain them for one minute.

And the clit on my chest would do the rest.

I wouldn't have to do anything else.

Just enjoy the show.

[techno music intensifies]

-[music stops] -Evening, sirs.

Paco, how are you?

We wanted to see you right away. We've been very worried.

Ah… Well, why? Worried about what?

Experience any misfortune lately?

Uh, some misfortune, yes. Yes, I have. [laughs]

And why do you ask? Because you put a curse on me, didn't you?

How could you say that? What a load of nonsense!

You agreed to intertwine your destiny with hers.

[thunder rumbling]

[blip]

You had one mission.

To shackle her.

And we've never seen her more unshackled, Paco.

As the sacred texts say,

"If our agent fails in his mission,

the universe itself will curse him for eternity."

Come again?

A fuck-up like this kind, the kind that's metaphysical,

leads to trouble.

Reality itself has betrayed you.

But why didn't you say anything about this? Why wasn't I aware?

Fuck the fine print!

W… well, I dunno. You seemed so confident.

-[sinister laughing] -[women murmuring]

[muffled techno music playing]

Okay, well, could you please explain how to remove the curse and…

If you can explain in under a minute, that'd be great.

I… I assume the idea of marrying her is pretty much impossible, huh?

How do I remove the curse? Come on. C'mon!

There's nothing you can do, really. Pains me to say so.

[music intensifies]

As long as Tamara is alive…

As long as Tamara's alive, what?!

As long as Tamara is alive, you are screwed, Paco.

[groans]

[electric buzzing]

[grunting]

-[paranormal screech] -[agonized roar]

[excruciating boom]

[Paco yells]

What the hell is that?

[screams]

Oh, Paco! What have you done? What have you done?

[echoes] What have you done?

[women ululating]

[techno music continues]

-[thuds] -[wails]

[wails]

[ululating continues]

[music stops]

So, in the end it all went to shit,

and I'm stuck with this stupid curse forever.

I spent a few years barely getting by.

I was homeless and I was exiled from television.

Don't ask me what I had to do to survive.

[somber music]

[Paco] And during all those years,

the words of the Grand Master kept spinning inside my head.

"As long as Tamara's alive…"

"As long as Tamara's alive."

[somber music continues]

So one day, I decided to silence the voices forever.

I told you you'd end up judging me.

[dramatic sting]

[intriguing music playing]

[music intensifies]

[metallic clattering]

[running footsteps]

[footsteps creaking]

[languid whimsical music playing]

[Tamara] Would you like some lemonade?

My mother made it. It's delicious.

When I was eight years old, I said to her,

"When I'm a singer and I'm famous,

I'll call myself Tamara, or Mecano."

And she said…

"Better call yourself Tamara,

because Mecano belongs to someone else and they can steal it."

Now it turns out there's a girl who sings boleros

who named herself Tamara too.

And her lawyers want to leave me with nothing.

The record, the tour…

Everything.

[sighs] They've taken all of us, Paco.

[voice breaks] For years, they showed us off like animals.

Laughing at us.

But it's still not enough.

They won't even let us have our names.

I mean, I can't-- I can't even think of another one.

[sniffles]

[sniffles]

I like Yurena.

Oh!

It's beautiful.

What's this?

Actually, Mama found it on the set of Tiempo de Marte.

Years ago now.

It was in terrible shape but, well, since she loves to sew…

Looks a bit like you, huh?

[Paco laughs]

[Tamara] You should keep it.

No.

It's fine here.

[dominatrix] Well, in the end, she listened to you, right?

She went with "Yurena."

It's the name of a dog-shaped demon.

Look it up.

I won't keep boring you with more tragic stories.

I'm cursed forever. And that's the end of my story.

[whispering]

I'll stay locked here for three months and then…

Then they'll get sick of me and give me the boot.

That's what it said. [laughs]

[whimsical music playing]

[dominatrix] Something doesn't add up.

If you're able to see the future, why can't your misfortunes be avoided?

For example, that beating they gave you as a kid, on that movie set.

Did it really take you by surprise or did you know beforehand?

Well, I mean--

And if you knew beforehand, why did you go?

Jeez, girl. Calm down. You're like the Gestapo.

Why the interrogation?

I think you loved it.

-Because you love to suffer. -[screams]

You love being an outcast,

and having a curse on you,

and being here.

Who is Paco Porras?

A really ugly dude.

What else?

-And despite being ugly… -Yes?

-I'm more of a fascist anyway. -Say it!

You want this?

Yes.

You say, "Yes, my mistress!"

Yes, my mistress.

[Paco yells]

["He Visto el Futuro" by Tamara playing]

[song ends]