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[ Groans ]
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Narrator: Their choices do
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not necessarily reflect the
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opinion of normal human beings.
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Can anyone help me, please?!
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Narrator: And remember this
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woman?
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[ Record scratches ]
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Tonight, find out how she
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reacted when the guys told her
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she was on TV.
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[ Laughter ]
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What makes this show unique,
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I think, is that we're really
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just four friends having fun.
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We've known each other so
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long that this comes from us,
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and we didn't meet in an
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audition or something.
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We hang out with our friends.
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Everybody can relate to that
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because everybody's got friends
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like us.
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And we're just four friends that
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are lucky enough to do it.
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This is an outlet.
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Take out all our aggression on
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each other.
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We never fight because we get to
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punish each other on a normal
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basis.
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Okay. I got somebody.
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This is it.
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Get ready.
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How are you?
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Okay.
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Scream the order back to him.
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So, that's one double
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white castle, four white castle
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burgers, and a small drink!
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[ Laughter ]
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Staying in?!
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Staying!
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[ Laughter ]
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Waiting for card authorization!
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Approved!
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Approved!
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Ba-boom! Ba-boom! Ba-boom!
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Don't look at the guy.
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How many cheeseburgers?
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Four double cheeseburgers.
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And what's your name?
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Gary. Gary?
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Yes.
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Okay. And a beverage?
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Uh...
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[ Laughter ]
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Bottle of water.
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Just one bottle of water?
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You driving back to Brooklyn
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tonight?
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There's gonna be a lot of
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traffic on the sunrise highway.
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He just got a tip!
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Thank you for the tip, Gary.
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I appreciate it.
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Thank you, sir.
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[ Ding! ]
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Hey. How you doing, ma'am?
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I'm great.
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Rhyme everything they ask
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for.
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Are you kidding me?
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Seven shmeeseburgers?
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An order of funion schmings.
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[ Laughter ]
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So that's seven beesvurgers,
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one... one funion dings... And
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one five-piece bleeze blicks?
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[ Laughter ]
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We do accept blips if you like
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the service.
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Blip... blip cup there.
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All: Oh!
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[ Laughter ]
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Murray, woman in. Woman in.
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Tell her, "my girlfriend thinks
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it's appropriate I work here."
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I got to tell you, my
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girlfriend loves that I work
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here...
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"'Cause I'm hung like a
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slider."
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Oh, my god.
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[ Laughter ]
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because she says I'm hung
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like a slider.
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Murr, flirt with this woman.
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Are you okay?
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Did you hurt your arm?
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Yeah.
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Seems like you... let me see.
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What'd you bang it on... over
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here?
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Let me see. Oh, my god.
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You actually have a bruise from
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it.
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Kiss it! Kiss it!
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[ Smooch! ]
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Anything else?
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Okay. So, let me read that back
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to you.
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"Six cheeseburgers for my
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sugar mama."
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Six cheeseburgers for my
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sugar mama.
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Three cheese-ring sandwiches...
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"For my boo-boo bear."
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for my boo-boo bear.
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Say, "I can give you an extra
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pickle with your order."
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I can give you an extra
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pickle with the order, if you
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want.
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Wink!
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[ Ting! ]
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I will tell you, there is a tip
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jar there if you feel you've had
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exceptional service.
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[ Groans ]
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Oh!
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Ohhh!
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You are a sweetheart. Mwah!
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You're a sweetheart. Thank you.
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[ Ding! ]
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$8.82, dork.
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Freeze! dork.
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Tag!
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Hold it!
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Stay!
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[ Laughter ]
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Don't move a muscle.
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[ Laughter ]
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This guy... he doesn't know what
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to do!
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[ Laughs ]
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What is he thinking?
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That's amazing.
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What is he thinking?
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[ Laughter ]E thinking?
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Oh, my god.
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This is epic!
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This is a total stalemate!
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Don't move!
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He hasn't broken yet.
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Don't laugh! Don't laugh!
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[ Laughs ]
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He just keeps looking back,
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left, and right at no one.
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He's not saying anything!
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[ Laughter ]Saying anything!
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This guy... he ain't winning
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this [bleep]
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Hold!
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Hold!
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This guy is not [bleep]
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Talking!
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He's not saying a word!
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[ Laughter, clapping ]
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Okay. Go.
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Thank you.
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Oh, my god.
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[ Laughter ]
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Here you go. Here you go.
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Old English. Old English. Yeah!
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Good morrow, sir, and welcome
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to the castle of white!
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What's thou craving?
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Bring it to me, and I shall slay
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it!
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Two burgers of ham!
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Two burgers of cheese!
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Your wit, sir, is legendary!
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[ Beeping ]
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'Tis confusion!
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[ Laughter ]
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Squire!
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[ Beep ]
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Sir?
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There's 53 cents.
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All: Oh!
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The most generous lord in all
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the land!
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[ Ding! ]
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[ Laughter ]
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Some of us were better
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friends in high school than we
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are now.
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Murray and Quinn started out
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strong.
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Now when I look at him, I
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just kind of want to throw up.
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[ Laughter ]
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Actually, come to think of
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it, all of us have the same
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reaction to one of us.
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I'm not gonna point any fingers.
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We specifically said we're
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not making fun of Murray!
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Yeah, but then you showed up
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wearing that tie, and we're
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like...
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[ Laughter ]
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You guys look like a couple
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of great senseis... not.
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Hi, everybody.
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I'm shisho James. Shisho Joe.
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Okay. So, we're gonna start
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with just some basic moves.
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All right, listen... we're
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gonna play out a scenario, guys.
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Let's play out a quick
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scenario.
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Pretend one of you is a
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bully.
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Let's pretend, for example,
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one of us is a bully.
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Hey, man.
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Hey.
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That's my parking spot.
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I was there first.
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Well, eff you.
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And he goes in for your waist,
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right?
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Using your body weight... right
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down... boom!
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Go for the attack.
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He pulls me in. Seatbelt locked.
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All right, this is the
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seatbelt... seatbelt.
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Start rolling around.
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[ Laughter ]
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Oh, my god.
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Say, "all right, class.
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Pair up and start rolling."
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So, we want to get everybody
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to pair up.
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Use your momentum.
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Twist and roll. Twist and roll.
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One roll... you only can do one
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roll.
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Okay.
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What if the attacker comes in
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from behind?
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Murr, jump on his back.
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What do you do in this
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position?
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Drop to the floor... right.
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That's right.
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Right down.
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[ Laughter ]
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Okay, guys.
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Now move over to the punching
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bag.
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Take a knee, everybody.
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Take a knee.
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Here's how you deal with a
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bully.
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Let's say this is the school
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bully.
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Double-team that bag and just
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go to town on it.
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So, you're just gonna take
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turns really getting at him...
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[ Laughter ]
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Go nuts. Go nuts!
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Just going to town on him
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and telling him, "you can't have
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my lunch money!"
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Jump on him, murr.
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Jump on it like a monkey in a
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tree, you little bastard.
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[ Laughs ]
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That's how you take a [bleep]
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Down.
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So, there are four places that
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we always want to protect.
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What are they?
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They're your face first, right?
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Touch his face, Joe.
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Face first... you always want
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to protect it.
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Keep your hands up.
294
00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:09,454
Second place... neck.
295
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:10,887
Touch his neck.
296
00:08:10,888 --> 00:08:12,353
Always keep your chin down.
297
00:08:12,354 --> 00:08:13,387
Third place is what?
298
00:08:13,388 --> 00:08:14,154
Solar plexus.
299
00:08:14,155 --> 00:08:15,487
That's right... your chest.
300
00:08:15,488 --> 00:08:16,720
And the fourth place is?
301
00:08:16,721 --> 00:08:18,053
Yes, your groin... correct.
302
00:08:18,054 --> 00:08:19,054
Touch his groin.
303
00:08:19,054 --> 00:08:19,921
Touch his groin.
304
00:08:19,921 --> 00:08:20,388
No.
305
00:08:20,389 --> 00:08:21,887
[ Buzzer ]
306
00:08:21,888 --> 00:08:25,020
[ Laughter ]
307
00:08:25,021 --> 00:08:26,453
Nice teammate, murr.
308
00:08:26,454 --> 00:08:28,087
How we doing, everybody?
309
00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:30,053
Ready for a good class?
310
00:08:30,054 --> 00:08:31,253
Sal, show them what not to
311
00:08:31,254 --> 00:08:31,554
do.
312
00:08:31,555 --> 00:08:32,853
Show them how not to slap a bag.
313
00:08:32,854 --> 00:08:36,153
You do not want to do this.
314
00:08:36,154 --> 00:08:36,788
Okay?
315
00:08:36,789 --> 00:08:38,920
And then back into position.
316
00:08:38,921 --> 00:08:40,287
[ Ding! ]
317
00:08:40,288 --> 00:08:41,453
You're not gonna win a fight
318
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:41,954
doing that.
319
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:42,888
Let's do another one.
320
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,053
Okay. We're gonna show you a
321
00:08:44,054 --> 00:08:44,721
new move, guys.
322
00:08:44,721 --> 00:08:45,254
New move.
323
00:08:45,255 --> 00:08:46,387
We're gonna show you a move
324
00:08:46,388 --> 00:08:47,388
called the "you go, girl."
325
00:08:47,389 --> 00:08:48,453
All right. All right.
326
00:08:48,454 --> 00:08:49,653
Why don't we do some of the
327
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:50,288
newer stuff?
328
00:08:50,289 --> 00:08:51,553
You want to do some of the
329
00:08:51,554 --> 00:08:52,121
new stuff?
330
00:08:52,122 --> 00:08:53,420
Guys, get down in a guarded
331
00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:53,888
stance.
332
00:08:53,888 --> 00:08:54,554
All right.
333
00:08:54,555 --> 00:08:55,853
Now, when he's gonna strike
334
00:08:55,854 --> 00:08:57,320
me, I'm gonna do what we call
335
00:08:57,321 --> 00:08:58,353
the "you go, girl."
336
00:08:58,354 --> 00:08:59,354
"You go, girl."
337
00:08:59,355 --> 00:09:00,920
Come down with your right to
338
00:09:00,921 --> 00:09:01,454
strike.
339
00:09:01,454 --> 00:09:02,288
Swipe it away.
340
00:09:02,288 --> 00:09:03,254
Say, "unh-unh."
341
00:09:03,255 --> 00:09:04,787
Unh-unh. Unh-unh, girl. No.
342
00:09:04,788 --> 00:09:05,454
Go ahead.
343
00:09:05,454 --> 00:09:06,454
Tickle fight!
344
00:09:06,454 --> 00:09:07,454
Tickle fight!
345
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:09,087
Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
346
00:09:09,088 --> 00:09:14,287
Tickle fight! Tickle fight!
347
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:18,087
[ Laughs ]
348
00:09:18,088 --> 00:09:21,788
Is someone gonna help me?
349
00:09:21,821 --> 00:09:23,987
[ Ding! ]
350
00:09:23,988 --> 00:09:24,954
Joe, how you been?
351
00:09:24,954 --> 00:09:25,954
You don't remember me?
352
00:09:25,955 --> 00:09:27,220
Narrator: The guys talk to
353
00:09:27,221 --> 00:09:27,788
strangers.
354
00:09:27,789 --> 00:09:28,920
My trip to Disney... I
355
00:09:28,921 --> 00:09:31,821
spanked that fat kid.
356
00:09:34,221 --> 00:09:35,787
The behind-the-scenes stuff
357
00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:36,887
is half the show.
358
00:09:36,888 --> 00:09:37,488
Yeah.
359
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,220
Because you see the wheels
360
00:09:39,221 --> 00:09:40,587
in motion at all times.
361
00:09:40,588 --> 00:09:41,588
You see us struggling and
362
00:09:41,588 --> 00:09:42,021
cringing.
363
00:09:42,022 --> 00:09:43,120
It's not easy to do these
364
00:09:43,121 --> 00:09:43,521
things.
365
00:09:43,521 --> 00:09:43,854
No.
366
00:09:43,855 --> 00:09:45,087
We're scared, and you kind of
367
00:09:45,088 --> 00:09:45,554
see that.
368
00:09:45,554 --> 00:09:46,554
That's my favorite thing
369
00:09:46,554 --> 00:09:47,054
about you.
370
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:47,588
About me?
371
00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:48,787
Yeah, out of the four of us,
372
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:49,853
you hear your heart on your
373
00:09:49,854 --> 00:09:51,020
sleeve more than anyone, right?
374
00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:52,153
Like, you can see the pain in
375
00:09:52,154 --> 00:09:52,654
your face.
376
00:09:52,655 --> 00:09:54,353
Do you see it now?
377
00:09:54,354 --> 00:09:57,320
[ Laughter ]
378
00:09:57,321 --> 00:09:58,221
Here we go.
379
00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,887
Who knows what those j.O.S are
380
00:09:59,888 --> 00:10:01,520
writing over there.
381
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,987
Makes me nervous.
382
00:10:03,988 --> 00:10:05,620
Hey, what's going on, bro?
383
00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:06,521
How you been?
384
00:10:06,521 --> 00:10:07,354
Brian.
385
00:10:07,355 --> 00:10:09,720
What?
386
00:10:09,721 --> 00:10:11,120
You're my ex-wife's friend?
387
00:10:11,121 --> 00:10:12,320
No, I've never met you
388
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,054
before, sir.
389
00:10:13,055 --> 00:10:14,353
I'm from Copenhagen.
390
00:10:14,354 --> 00:10:15,853
Yeah, in Copenhagen.
391
00:10:15,854 --> 00:10:17,920
I was at that dinner party?
392
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:18,953
[ Chuckles ]
393
00:10:18,954 --> 00:10:20,153
I farted... I farted at the
394
00:10:20,154 --> 00:10:21,387
dinner party in Copenhagen?
395
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,388
[ Laughter ]
396
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,287
It stunk. That fart stunk.
397
00:10:24,288 --> 00:10:25,820
It, like, cleared the room.
398
00:10:25,821 --> 00:10:26,588
I must have a twin or
399
00:10:26,588 --> 00:10:27,521
something, because I really
400
00:10:27,521 --> 00:10:28,054
don't remember.
401
00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:28,954
No, don't you remember?
402
00:10:28,955 --> 00:10:30,520
I was like, "hermadur!"
403
00:10:30,521 --> 00:10:31,653
No, I don't...
404
00:10:31,654 --> 00:10:32,787
"hermadur," bro.
405
00:10:32,788 --> 00:10:34,787
You must have met someone who
406
00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:36,153
looks really similar.
407
00:10:36,154 --> 00:10:37,720
No, it's me! It's me!
408
00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,153
Just admit you know me!
409
00:10:39,154 --> 00:10:40,820
No, I don't remember you.
410
00:10:40,821 --> 00:10:41,621
Aw!
411
00:10:41,622 --> 00:10:43,087
[ Laughter ]
412
00:10:43,088 --> 00:10:44,220
Hold on one second?
413
00:10:44,221 --> 00:10:45,420
Hey, how you been, man?
414
00:10:45,421 --> 00:10:46,221
How's it been?
415
00:10:46,221 --> 00:10:47,088
Long time no see.
416
00:10:47,089 --> 00:10:48,887
Don't think I know you.
417
00:10:48,888 --> 00:10:50,853
Yeah, i'm, uh, Brian from
418
00:10:50,854 --> 00:10:54,420
that, uh...
419
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,387
You know what? I don't know you.
420
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:57,188
I'm sorry.
421
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:59,188
[ Laughter ]
422
00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:05,553
We know each other, right?
423
00:11:05,554 --> 00:11:06,354
No.
424
00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:08,420
I met you guys at... at
425
00:11:08,421 --> 00:11:09,553
night court.
426
00:11:09,554 --> 00:11:10,521
No.
427
00:11:10,522 --> 00:11:11,587
I was the guys... I'm the
428
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,753
president of the Dakota fanning
429
00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:13,853
fan club?
430
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:14,621
[ Laughter ]
431
00:11:14,622 --> 00:11:16,153
Well, anyways, these days, i'm
432
00:11:16,154 --> 00:11:18,153
on Broadway in "Spartacus."
433
00:11:18,154 --> 00:11:19,287
Oh, cool.
434
00:11:19,288 --> 00:11:20,387
Give him a new one, give him
435
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,487
a new one, give him a new one,
436
00:11:21,488 --> 00:11:22,221
give him a new one.
437
00:11:22,222 --> 00:11:23,520
I was at the doctor's office,
438
00:11:23,521 --> 00:11:24,288
like, last month.
439
00:11:24,288 --> 00:11:25,088
Maybe that was it?
440
00:11:25,089 --> 00:11:26,387
The proctologist?
441
00:11:26,388 --> 00:11:29,187
Could that be it?
442
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,787
I... I 100% met you.
443
00:11:31,788 --> 00:11:33,120
I was the one that showed you my
444
00:11:33,121 --> 00:11:33,988
toenail collection.
445
00:11:33,989 --> 00:11:35,887
I got diagnosed with SARS for
446
00:11:35,888 --> 00:11:36,888
like a month.
447
00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:37,821
[ Laughs ]
448
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:38,887
None of this is ringing a
449
00:11:38,888 --> 00:11:39,288
bell?
450
00:11:39,289 --> 00:11:41,120
I was the guy that stole that
451
00:11:41,121 --> 00:11:41,954
baby's diaper.
452
00:11:41,955 --> 00:11:43,153
[ Laughs ]
453
00:11:43,154 --> 00:11:44,088
Damn it!
454
00:11:44,089 --> 00:11:45,753
What does it take to get
455
00:11:45,754 --> 00:11:48,687
somebody to remember me?!
456
00:11:48,688 --> 00:11:50,720
Oh, my god.
457
00:11:50,721 --> 00:11:51,753
I'm not even sweating from
458
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:52,221
the heat.
459
00:11:52,222 --> 00:11:53,920
I'm sweating from being nervous.
460
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:56,620
Dude, I know you.
461
00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:58,020
From downtown.
462
00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:01,787
From the... the clinic?
463
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:03,153
Yeah.
464
00:12:03,154 --> 00:12:06,787
No, I... I used to... I used
465
00:12:06,788 --> 00:12:08,520
to... I used to wax
466
00:12:08,521 --> 00:12:09,787
Sylvester Stallone's scrotum
467
00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:10,421
down there?
468
00:12:10,421 --> 00:12:11,121
[ Laughs ]
469
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:11,721
No?
470
00:12:11,722 --> 00:12:13,220
[ Laughter ]
471
00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:15,887
All right, take it easy, man.
472
00:12:15,888 --> 00:12:19,387
Could have swore I knew you.
473
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:20,920
Dude, dude?
474
00:12:20,921 --> 00:12:23,920
It's sal.
475
00:12:23,921 --> 00:12:25,653
I totally knew you from the
476
00:12:25,654 --> 00:12:26,787
Christmas party.
477
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,320
They had holy water for
478
00:12:28,321 --> 00:12:29,154
Christmas.
479
00:12:29,155 --> 00:12:30,420
I peed in it.
480
00:12:30,421 --> 00:12:31,553
I thought you... I thought you
481
00:12:31,554 --> 00:12:32,720
were... your name's not Kevin?
482
00:12:32,721 --> 00:12:34,487
Hey, what's up?
483
00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:35,787
Now I'm just... I'm running
484
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:36,521
cockfights now.
485
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:37,687
Oh, cool.
486
00:12:37,688 --> 00:12:38,554
Yeah.
487
00:12:38,555 --> 00:12:39,687
Sal.
488
00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:40,753
Sal, yeah, yeah.
489
00:12:40,754 --> 00:12:41,421
Yes! Dude!
490
00:12:41,422 --> 00:12:42,653
The guy that pissed in the
491
00:12:42,654 --> 00:12:43,288
water, yeah.
492
00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:44,520
The guy that pissed in the
493
00:12:44,521 --> 00:12:45,454
holy water, totally!
494
00:12:45,454 --> 00:12:46,188
Good to see you.
495
00:12:46,188 --> 00:12:46,988
Dude, take it easy.
496
00:12:46,988 --> 00:12:47,921
If you want to come to one of
497
00:12:47,921 --> 00:12:48,788
the cockfights, hit me up.
498
00:12:48,789 --> 00:12:51,087
He got it!
499
00:12:51,088 --> 00:12:52,787
[ Ding! ]
500
00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:54,820
Oh, hi. Don't I know you?
501
00:12:54,821 --> 00:12:55,554
Um...
502
00:12:55,555 --> 00:12:56,721
Joe.
503
00:12:56,754 --> 00:12:57,654
From where?
504
00:12:57,655 --> 00:12:59,253
Didn't we meet at the, uh,
505
00:12:59,254 --> 00:13:01,021
at spin class?
506
00:13:01,054 --> 00:13:03,453
Yeah, it was spin class, right?
507
00:13:03,454 --> 00:13:06,153
I exposed myself accidentally?
508
00:13:06,154 --> 00:13:07,887
Had a short short on?
509
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:08,554
[ Laughter ]
510
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:09,221
No? You sure?
511
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,320
Look at me in the face.
512
00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:14,487
[ Laughter ]
513
00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,987
Al roker's Christmas party.
514
00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,153
I ate a live squid?
515
00:13:18,154 --> 00:13:19,553
I bled from my nipples?
516
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:20,753
I make stars out of Spanish
517
00:13:20,754 --> 00:13:21,254
children.
518
00:13:21,255 --> 00:13:22,920
My trip to Disney... I spanked
519
00:13:22,921 --> 00:13:23,721
that fat kid.
520
00:13:23,722 --> 00:13:25,553
I sing in a girl band called
521
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:26,088
puss.
522
00:13:26,089 --> 00:13:28,287
[ Laughter ]
523
00:13:28,288 --> 00:13:30,020
I can't believe he said it.
524
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:31,053
All right, well, it was good
525
00:13:31,054 --> 00:13:31,688
seeing you again.
526
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:33,087
[ Buzzer ]
527
00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:34,287
Narrator: Mustaches...
528
00:13:34,288 --> 00:13:35,254
Sorry, mustache.
529
00:13:35,255 --> 00:13:36,487
Don't call me mustache.
530
00:13:36,488 --> 00:13:37,920
Narrator: Butterflies...
531
00:13:37,921 --> 00:13:38,987
Oh, god. Check.
532
00:13:38,988 --> 00:13:40,587
Narrator: And the big
533
00:13:40,588 --> 00:13:43,021
reveal.
534
00:13:46,721 --> 00:13:48,120
"Nosy" came from me having a
535
00:13:48,121 --> 00:13:48,988
very large nose.
536
00:13:48,989 --> 00:13:50,053
Nosy came from genetics.
537
00:13:50,054 --> 00:13:50,854
Accidentally.
538
00:13:50,855 --> 00:13:52,420
Yeah, so, it actually
539
00:13:52,421 --> 00:13:53,887
started... we were on a
540
00:13:53,888 --> 00:13:55,487
high-school trip amongst a
541
00:13:55,488 --> 00:13:57,453
crowd right on fifth Avenue, and
542
00:13:57,454 --> 00:13:59,120
I stood behind strangers waiting
543
00:13:59,121 --> 00:13:59,788
to cross.
544
00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,920
And I was like, "oh."
545
00:14:00,921 --> 00:14:02,287
And I was just too close.
546
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:03,154
I was like, "oh."
547
00:14:03,155 --> 00:14:04,387
Dude, you have no shame
548
00:14:04,388 --> 00:14:05,054
whatsoever.
549
00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:05,554
None.
550
00:14:05,555 --> 00:14:06,853
He was born without that
551
00:14:06,854 --> 00:14:07,554
shame gene.
552
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,153
Blame for my mother for what
553
00:14:09,154 --> 00:14:09,754
I pick up.
554
00:14:09,754 --> 00:14:10,521
[ Laughs ]
555
00:14:10,521 --> 00:14:11,121
I do.
556
00:14:11,122 --> 00:14:12,687
Your mom should be the fifth one
557
00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:13,188
of us.
558
00:14:13,189 --> 00:14:14,687
She's him, 2 feet shorter with
559
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:15,987
white hair.
560
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:19,721
[ Laughter ]
561
00:14:19,754 --> 00:14:21,587
Here we go.
562
00:14:21,588 --> 00:14:24,887
Hello. Welcome to costco.
563
00:14:24,888 --> 00:14:27,153
Jean-Luc... are you French?
564
00:14:27,154 --> 00:14:27,588
Oh.
565
00:14:27,589 --> 00:14:29,153
"I hate the French."
566
00:14:29,154 --> 00:14:30,787
I-I got to be honest.
567
00:14:30,788 --> 00:14:32,987
I [bleep] hate the French.
568
00:14:32,988 --> 00:14:34,153
[ Laughter ]
569
00:14:34,154 --> 00:14:36,020
Your total is $272.44.
570
00:14:36,021 --> 00:14:37,353
Make it rain.
571
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,087
Make it rain, bitch.
572
00:14:39,088 --> 00:14:40,187
[ Laughter ]
573
00:14:40,188 --> 00:14:40,688
Oh.
574
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:41,820
Rip it up.
575
00:14:41,821 --> 00:14:42,688
Great.
576
00:14:42,689 --> 00:14:44,453
Just rip it in half.
577
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:45,520
[ Laughter ]
578
00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:48,287
Great.
579
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,188
What, is this?
580
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,687
"I'm sorry. That's not valid.
581
00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:51,720
That's been ripped."
582
00:14:51,721 --> 00:14:52,654
This is ripped.
583
00:14:52,654 --> 00:14:53,454
It's not valid.
584
00:14:53,454 --> 00:14:54,154
[ Laughter ]
585
00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:55,620
What's the, uh... what's the
586
00:14:55,621 --> 00:14:56,953
occasion with all this cake?
587
00:14:56,954 --> 00:14:59,253
Something good?
588
00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:00,687
Yell out... oh.
589
00:15:00,688 --> 00:15:02,720
"Who kicked the bucket?"
590
00:15:02,721 --> 00:15:03,521
Cake.
591
00:15:03,522 --> 00:15:04,587
[ Laughter ]
592
00:15:04,588 --> 00:15:05,421
[ Beep ]
593
00:15:05,422 --> 00:15:06,687
[ Laughing ] Who caked the
594
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:07,121
bucket?
595
00:15:07,122 --> 00:15:09,220
[ Laughter ]
596
00:15:09,221 --> 00:15:10,387
"Who caked the bucket?"
597
00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:11,587
"Who caked the bucket?"
598
00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:12,088
[ Beep ]
599
00:15:12,089 --> 00:15:13,487
[ Laughing ] Who... honestly,
600
00:15:13,488 --> 00:15:14,787
though, who caked the bucket?
601
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,053
I cannot believe you said
602
00:15:16,054 --> 00:15:16,421
that.
603
00:15:16,422 --> 00:15:18,453
[ Ding! ]
604
00:15:18,454 --> 00:15:20,187
The next woman behind you,
605
00:15:20,188 --> 00:15:22,053
when you turn around, yell "milf
606
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:23,320
alert!"
607
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:24,487
[ Groans ]
608
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:25,587
[ Laughter ]
609
00:15:25,588 --> 00:15:26,953
Hey. Milf alert.
610
00:15:26,954 --> 00:15:28,087
[ Laughter ]
611
00:15:28,088 --> 00:15:28,921
[ Beep ]
612
00:15:28,922 --> 00:15:30,687
This is so hard to do.
613
00:15:30,688 --> 00:15:31,554
[ Beep ]
614
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,154
Are you guys married?
615
00:15:33,188 --> 00:15:34,253
Shake his hand and
616
00:15:34,254 --> 00:15:35,587
congratulate him on securing
617
00:15:35,588 --> 00:15:36,620
such a piece of ass.
618
00:15:36,621 --> 00:15:38,053
That's a hell of a piece of
619
00:15:38,054 --> 00:15:38,854
ass there, sir.
620
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,753
[ Laughter ]
621
00:15:40,754 --> 00:15:42,320
Anyone ever tell you you look
622
00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:43,420
like Justin bieber?
623
00:15:43,421 --> 00:15:44,188
Hey.
624
00:15:44,189 --> 00:15:45,253
[ Chuckles ]
625
00:15:45,254 --> 00:15:46,320
[ Laughter ]
626
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,121
[ Beep ]
627
00:15:47,122 --> 00:15:48,220
Anyone ever tell you you look
628
00:15:48,221 --> 00:15:50,653
like Justin bieber?
629
00:15:50,654 --> 00:15:51,588
1975 called.
630
00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:53,287
They want their chest hair back.
631
00:15:53,288 --> 00:15:54,620
[ Chuckles ]
632
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,153
1975 called.
633
00:15:58,154 --> 00:15:58,854
[ Beep ]
634
00:15:58,855 --> 00:16:00,620
That's it. They just called.
635
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:01,521
[ Laughter ]
636
00:16:01,521 --> 00:16:02,221
[ Beep ]
637
00:16:02,221 --> 00:16:02,754
Okay.
638
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:04,353
There is a megasale on
639
00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:05,653
tampons in aisle 5.
640
00:16:05,654 --> 00:16:06,920
Nope.
641
00:16:06,921 --> 00:16:08,954
[ Buzzer ]
642
00:16:08,988 --> 00:16:10,987
Q, tell her, "I see you got
643
00:16:10,988 --> 00:16:13,053
us juice for tomorrow morning."
644
00:16:13,054 --> 00:16:14,387
Ooh.
645
00:16:14,388 --> 00:16:15,753
Oh. Mango juice.
646
00:16:15,754 --> 00:16:17,087
That was very thoughtful of you
647
00:16:17,088 --> 00:16:18,187
to get that mango juice.
648
00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:19,387
"Is that for us tomorrow
649
00:16:19,388 --> 00:16:19,888
morning?"
650
00:16:19,889 --> 00:16:21,287
'Cause there's nothing I love
651
00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:22,620
in the morning more than a cold
652
00:16:22,621 --> 00:16:23,588
glass of mango juice.
653
00:16:23,589 --> 00:16:26,053
Oh! Oh!
654
00:16:26,054 --> 00:16:27,520
Oh. Hello.
655
00:16:27,521 --> 00:16:28,953
Can you just ease up on the
656
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:29,521
attitude?
657
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:30,354
Okay, Diane.
658
00:16:30,355 --> 00:16:31,787
I'm gonna ask you to just ease
659
00:16:31,788 --> 00:16:33,287
up on the attitude a little bit.
660
00:16:33,288 --> 00:16:33,954
[ Laughter ]
661
00:16:33,955 --> 00:16:35,487
My mother... I wish she knew how
662
00:16:35,488 --> 00:16:36,388
to make lamb rack.
663
00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:37,687
It was all TV dinners and,
664
00:16:37,688 --> 00:16:38,188
like...
665
00:16:38,189 --> 00:16:39,253
"Cigarette burns."
666
00:16:39,254 --> 00:16:40,320
cigarette burns.
667
00:16:40,321 --> 00:16:41,054
[ Laughter ]
668
00:16:41,055 --> 00:16:42,387
You're gonna hit the next
669
00:16:42,388 --> 00:16:43,453
customer with a "hey,
670
00:16:43,454 --> 00:16:44,121
moustache."
671
00:16:44,122 --> 00:16:47,553
I'm sorry, moustache. I'm...
672
00:16:47,554 --> 00:16:50,153
Don't call you...
673
00:16:50,154 --> 00:16:51,253
See, I couldn't even do it,
674
00:16:51,254 --> 00:16:51,754
moustache.
675
00:16:51,755 --> 00:16:53,820
I had to...
676
00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:55,320
I wasn't speaking to you.
677
00:16:55,321 --> 00:16:57,453
I was speaking to her.
678
00:16:57,454 --> 00:16:58,853
"Don't call me "clown.""
679
00:16:58,854 --> 00:17:00,687
Well, don't call me "clown."
680
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:01,720
"Don't call me 'clown, '
681
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:02,221
moustache."
682
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,188
All right, moustache.
683
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,387
Don't call me "clown" is all i'm
684
00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:04,821
saying.
685
00:17:04,822 --> 00:17:06,488
[ Ding! ]
686
00:17:06,521 --> 00:17:08,053
Touch him with your nose.
687
00:17:08,054 --> 00:17:10,953
Put your nose on him.
688
00:17:10,954 --> 00:17:14,153
Do it!
689
00:17:14,154 --> 00:17:15,353
[ Laughter ]
690
00:17:15,354 --> 00:17:15,954
Thank you.
691
00:17:15,955 --> 00:17:17,387
Put your nose right on his
692
00:17:17,388 --> 00:17:18,021
shoulder.
693
00:17:18,021 --> 00:17:18,621
Go! Do it!
694
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:19,388
All right.
695
00:17:19,388 --> 00:17:20,088
And Richard.
696
00:17:20,088 --> 00:17:20,721
[ Ting! ]
697
00:17:20,721 --> 00:17:21,521
Good. All set.
698
00:17:21,522 --> 00:17:23,487
[ Laughter ]
699
00:17:23,488 --> 00:17:25,420
Put your nose on him.
700
00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:26,188
$20.
701
00:17:26,188 --> 00:17:27,154
[ Ting! ]
702
00:17:27,154 --> 00:17:27,721
$23.
703
00:17:27,722 --> 00:17:29,520
[ Laughter ]
704
00:17:29,521 --> 00:17:31,120
All right.
705
00:17:31,121 --> 00:17:32,920
[ Laughter ]
706
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:35,587
And change.
707
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,253
You can do it. You can do it.
708
00:17:37,254 --> 00:17:38,021
[ Laughter ]
709
00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,787
It's tough.
710
00:17:39,788 --> 00:17:41,953
Did you...
711
00:17:41,954 --> 00:17:43,287
Let's go. There he goes.
712
00:17:43,288 --> 00:17:44,653
He's gonna get her nose!
713
00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:46,587
He noses the card!
714
00:17:46,588 --> 00:17:47,653
[ Ting! ]
715
00:17:47,654 --> 00:17:48,454
Total.
716
00:17:48,455 --> 00:17:50,353
Can you swipe there?
717
00:17:50,354 --> 00:17:51,387
[ Ting! ]
718
00:17:51,388 --> 00:17:54,453
[ All cheering ]
719
00:17:54,454 --> 00:17:55,720
Nose!
720
00:17:55,721 --> 00:17:56,753
I'd much rather win a
721
00:17:56,754 --> 00:17:58,020
challenge and not have to do a
722
00:17:58,021 --> 00:17:58,588
punishment.
723
00:17:58,589 --> 00:17:59,920
The worst thing that sucks about
724
00:17:59,921 --> 00:18:01,187
the punishment is you do it by
725
00:18:01,188 --> 00:18:02,353
yourself, and everybody else
726
00:18:02,354 --> 00:18:03,753
just gets to laugh at you.
727
00:18:03,754 --> 00:18:05,387
The best punishment, from my
728
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:06,953
point of view, is when sal had
729
00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:08,553
to sing in front of a baseball
730
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:09,121
stadium.
731
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,320
Sal starts singing.
732
00:18:10,321 --> 00:18:11,920
He's making the song up on the
733
00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:12,354
spot.
734
00:18:12,355 --> 00:18:14,120
Within 5 seconds, some dude in
735
00:18:14,121 --> 00:18:15,853
the audience is like, "sit the
736
00:18:15,854 --> 00:18:16,821
[bleep] Down!"
737
00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:17,654
[ Laughter ]
738
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,220
Instantaneously, 10,000
739
00:18:19,221 --> 00:18:20,320
people hated sal.
740
00:18:20,321 --> 00:18:21,987
You watched a man's soul
741
00:18:21,988 --> 00:18:23,653
shrivel and die in front of
742
00:18:23,654 --> 00:18:25,387
drunk hot-dog-eating baseball
743
00:18:25,388 --> 00:18:25,921
fans.
744
00:18:25,922 --> 00:18:27,320
Okay, buddy. This is it.
745
00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:28,587
This is your punishment.
746
00:18:28,588 --> 00:18:30,220
Do you have any idea what you're
747
00:18:30,221 --> 00:18:30,954
about to do?
748
00:18:30,955 --> 00:18:32,353
I'm really nervous, man.
749
00:18:32,354 --> 00:18:33,620
I feel like throwing up.
750
00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:35,187
You can't do anything that bad
751
00:18:35,188 --> 00:18:35,654
to me.
752
00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:36,820
[ Laughter ]
753
00:18:36,821 --> 00:18:38,787
[ Cheers and whistling ]
754
00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:40,120
Sal, check this out, buddy.
755
00:18:40,121 --> 00:18:41,520
Let's just see where you are.
756
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,587
[ Groans ] Now what?
757
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,320
You're about to go up there
758
00:18:44,321 --> 00:18:46,153
and make up a song that you sing
759
00:18:46,154 --> 00:18:46,988
on the spot.
760
00:18:46,989 --> 00:18:48,687
And they're going to tell you
761
00:18:48,688 --> 00:18:50,487
what the title of your song is.
762
00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:51,853
Who's gonna tell me?
763
00:18:51,854 --> 00:18:53,053
The loudspeaker.
764
00:18:53,054 --> 00:18:55,120
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
765
00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:57,053
a very special treat for you.
766
00:18:57,054 --> 00:18:58,853
A young man by the name of
767
00:18:58,854 --> 00:19:00,853
sal vulcano is going to sing a
768
00:19:00,854 --> 00:19:02,753
song he wrote especially for
769
00:19:02,754 --> 00:19:03,521
tonight.
770
00:19:03,522 --> 00:19:05,420
He calls it "butterfly crime
771
00:19:05,421 --> 00:19:06,121
scene."
772
00:19:06,122 --> 00:19:07,420
Butterfly what?
773
00:19:07,421 --> 00:19:08,520
Crime scene.
774
00:19:08,521 --> 00:19:09,587
Oh, my god.
775
00:19:09,588 --> 00:19:11,187
Please give sal a big
776
00:19:11,188 --> 00:19:12,520
blueclaws welcome.
777
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:14,220
Butterfly crime scene!
778
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,487
Oh, god. Check.
779
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:18,487
[ Feedback squeals ]
780
00:19:18,488 --> 00:19:19,687
Uh...
781
00:19:19,688 --> 00:19:23,653
[ Indistinct conversations ]
782
00:19:23,654 --> 00:19:25,620
[ Scattered applause ]
783
00:19:25,621 --> 00:19:28,287
[ Sighs ]
784
00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:30,620
♪ I have always loved
785
00:19:30,621 --> 00:19:32,987
butterflies ♪
786
00:19:32,988 --> 00:19:35,587
♪ since I was a child
787
00:19:35,588 --> 00:19:36,720
boo.
788
00:19:36,721 --> 00:19:39,053
♪ But sometimes there'd be too
789
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:40,253
many ♪
790
00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:41,088
[ crowd booing ]
791
00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:41,754
You suck.
792
00:19:41,755 --> 00:19:44,753
♪ I murdered the butterflies
793
00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:46,187
♪ and...
794
00:19:46,188 --> 00:19:47,853
♪ dead butterflies
795
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,587
♪ dead butterflies
796
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:51,587
♪ what can be better than a dead
797
00:19:51,588 --> 00:19:52,887
butterfly? ♪
798
00:19:52,888 --> 00:19:56,353
♪ Butterfly crime scene
799
00:19:56,354 --> 00:19:59,987
♪ butterfly crime
800
00:19:59,988 --> 00:20:03,020
♪ sce-e-e-e-ne
801
00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:04,753
[ fanfare plays ]
802
00:20:04,754 --> 00:20:06,053
Aah! Look out!
803
00:20:06,054 --> 00:20:07,820
Oh, no! There he goes!
804
00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:09,854
[ Laughter ]
805
00:20:15,788 --> 00:20:18,653
Yeah! That's how you do it!
806
00:20:18,654 --> 00:20:20,387
Narrator: For the first time
807
00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:22,053
ever, you will get to see how
808
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,520
this woman reacts when the
809
00:20:23,521 --> 00:20:27,488
jokers expose themselves.
810
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,920
Narrator: For the first time
811
00:20:31,921 --> 00:20:33,520
ever, see how this woman reacts
812
00:20:33,521 --> 00:20:34,653
when the jokers expose
813
00:20:34,654 --> 00:20:35,354
themselves.
814
00:20:35,355 --> 00:20:36,853
Murray, you got to put them
815
00:20:36,854 --> 00:20:37,621
on your head.
816
00:20:37,622 --> 00:20:40,520
It's not to steal panties.
817
00:20:40,521 --> 00:20:42,520
Here we go! Here we go!
818
00:20:42,521 --> 00:20:44,987
Ohhhhhhhhh! Oh, my god!
819
00:20:44,988 --> 00:20:46,687
Oh, my god!
820
00:20:46,688 --> 00:20:48,721
Oh, my god!
821
00:20:51,154 --> 00:20:55,753
These are... these are yours?
822
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,487
I am so sorry.
823
00:20:58,488 --> 00:21:01,153
I thought these were... I
824
00:21:01,154 --> 00:21:02,054
apologize.
825
00:21:02,055 --> 00:21:07,220
I thought these were mine.
826
00:21:07,221 --> 00:21:08,587
Here she goes.
827
00:21:08,588 --> 00:21:10,521
She's going to ask help.
828
00:21:19,188 --> 00:21:21,487
[ Applause, laughter ]
829
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:26,253
What?
830
00:21:26,254 --> 00:21:30,687
[ Laughs ]
831
00:21:30,688 --> 00:21:34,187
[ Laughing ] No!
832
00:21:34,188 --> 00:21:35,054
One camera.
833
00:21:35,054 --> 00:21:35,954
No, I'm not.
834
00:21:35,955 --> 00:21:37,421
Yes. There's cameras there
835
00:21:37,454 --> 00:21:38,587
and there and there.
836
00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,220
Let me tell you something...
837
00:21:40,221 --> 00:21:41,820
When I first came in, I saw him
838
00:21:41,821 --> 00:21:43,854
do it, but I'm thinking it was
839
00:21:43,888 --> 00:21:44,421
his.
840
00:21:44,422 --> 00:21:51,487
[ Laughter ]
841
00:21:51,488 --> 00:21:54,454
What is your name?
45873
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