Original subtitles

Hey, what's up guys? It's your boy Alan.

Can't believe it's already my 500th vlog.

It's been a crazy ride so far.

Hey, what's up, people? It's your boy, Alan.

Another shitty day at the shitty job.

What's the saying? Same shit, different day?

Anyways, today at the office, somebody left a floater in the toilet. So it

literally was same shit for a different day.

Hey,

people.

It's your boy, Alan.

Hey, what's up, everyone?

Hey everyone, another shitty day at the shitty job.

Hi, Randy.

How's it going?

It's pretty good.

Nothing's wrong. I'm just here.

I'd like to know how I can get my free iPad.

I, like, signed up four times. Nothing's happening.

Do I pick it up here?

That email that went out to everybody about winning a free iPad.

If you register with that site.

I think everybody got that email, right?

Hey, guys.

I can't sleep tonight.

Just been lying awake and thinking, like, how much I miss dancing.

I used to dance ballet and badminton and things like that, like, a long time

ago.

Maybe I should go back to it.

Anyway, just wanted to say that.

Peace.

Hey, guys.

I can't sleep tonight.

Victoria Victoria

Alan

Alan

Back

Hey guys, it's Alan again.

Thanks for checking out my unboxing video.

As always, check the description for a link to the product.

And don't forget to hit that subscribe and bell icon.

Anyways, let's check out what I got this time.

I'm definitely digging this.

Nice hoodie.

Feels good on the outside.

Let's try it on.

Feels really good.

I'm definitely digging this.

Thanks Sydney Hood.

This is a great find.

Hood fits nice and snug on my head.

More boxer than ninja, but anyways.

Thanks again, Anthony Hood.

Peace out.

Hey, guys.

So, I met someone recently.

I was really excited about it.

But, yeah, he turned out to be somebody completely different.

I don't even want to talk about it, except I kind of do, you know? I need to

it off my chest.

I mean, it got me thinking.

Did I even really know him?

I only knew him from offline, but that begs the question, do we ever really...

Hey everyone, welcome back to my channel. Today, my

boyfriend and I... We're going to show you the swimsuits I picked up at the

today. Hey everyone, I finally got my Fredericks of Hollywood order in. So in

this video, I'll try on some of my favorites so you can see how they fit

look.

Hey, what's going on? You already know what today is. It's your boy, Corey

And today is, for all my real subscribers out there, what is today?

What's today?

You don't know?

I'm gonna show you.

Today is package day, man.

I got some brand new packages from a lot of brands that's been supporting me

over the years.

And let's dig in and see what we got.

So I got a brand new hoodie from

I don't know this brand, but I appreciate the love, guys. Thank you so

the support.

And I got an apple.

You know what, Apple? You spoiled me. You spoiled me, Apple. I have a hoodie.

appreciate the apple pies. You always show me love. Thank you so much for it.

And then I got... Okay, okay, okay. I got a mini droid,

a mini drone. I'm sorry, I got a mini drone with 4K vision.

Now, I do have about 50 of these.

But now it's 51.

You know what? I might do a giveaway and give it to one of my lucky subscribers.

Like, that begs the question, do we ever really know each other?

Hell, I don't even know who I am.

I think you know where I'm going with this.

I need some time to find myself.

I'm going to sign off for a while.

But there's a whole world of possibilities out there.

One of my friends actually told me about geocaching.

It sounds fun. I kind of want to try it.

So this is me officially signing off.

Bye.

What?

God.

She's getting all these likes and views.

She's going to quit?

Does she not know what she has?

Also, like, I kinda wanna see your videos, though.

What's up, people?

Hey, it's Alan.

There's some phony -ass people out there. Why do you gotta lie about stupid

stuff all the time? Making yourself out to be something you're not.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna take a break from social media for a while. I heard

about this outdoor thing.

I don't know. Maybe I'll vlog it sometime.

I need to get away. I need to try something new.

Peace out.

I was making more money than most the managers in the company.

I had more computers and laptops than I could use.

Yeah, it's your boy Phil.

Hey guys, I've been asked this question. Hey Phil, what is geocaching?

How do you even play this game?

Well, I'll tell you what geocaching is.

Or, I should just show you. Come with me, and we'll go on geocache right now.

So, geocaching is about scavenger hunting through the woods.

You go on this cool, crazy app.

Idiot. Fuck.

Hey, what's up everyone?

About to go on my first geocache.

Who knows what I'll find.

It's all about the journey, right?

So cliche.

Sorry.

Hey, guys.

Just arrived at the park. About to head out.

It's actually pretty nice here.

Never knew this place was so close by.

Anyway, hopefully I find my first cat soon.

Hey, Pete, I made it this far.

Definitely got my steps in.

Now I just got to find the cash.

Hey guys, I found my first cash.

Well, that was hard work for... I don't know.

Hey everyone, so this geocache thing, I'm going to give it one more shot, was

actually kind of cathartic.

Anyway, hopefully I find something a little bit more exciting than this army

guy.

Hey everyone, just found my second geocache.

Let's see what's inside.

So I'm not allowed to give any further detail, but today on my geocaching trip,

check this out. Look what I found.

Yeah, a finger.

Pretty crazy, right?

Don't worry, I called the cops, and they said they're looking into it.

But I can't give you any further details on where I found it. It just creeped me

the fuck out.

Anyways, I'll keep you all posted.

Peace for now.

It didn't matter.

It didn't mean anything.

What's up, buddy? Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for everything. I'm about to

head over to HR.

I got some great news.

I just won the Jamaican lottery.

Seven million bucks.

Hey, guys.

So, I met this guy.

Kind of quirky, but nice.

So done with men.

What?

Coming up on my third Tash.

Doubt it will be as cool as last week, but you never know.

Damn. Just normal stuff this time.

At least this was a good little hike.

Like a fucking champ. Excuse my language.

Salute, Tommy.

No more memory, Billy.

What's that?

I said no more memory.

I mean, I know you've been out of the office for a while and all, but maybe

have to... Alexa, pause.

Talk to me, man. I haven't seen you in a long fucking time. I'm only breaking

your balls a little bit.

Talk about

a restore.

Once I had this real detective creep.

I mean, his freaking ego is bigger than his hard drive. He calls me up. He's

like, Techie, today you're going to tell me nothing.

Today, you're going to tell me that my email is not lost.

I'm like, well, what do you mean? I mean, it's...

Here we go.

Hey, it's me. I don't know what is going on. Who is this ttcoraz1 guy?

I keep going to his logs right before, and I'm not liking what I find in the

geocaches. Let's just say if you geocache and you see his posts, I

to those geocaches.

Unless you have a strong stomach.

Gross, right?

More to come on that later.

No way, what?

Oh my God.

Hey, everyone.

I'm still kind of reeling from all those things that I've been finding in the

geocaches. And I think my friend, Becca, she might be missing. Some of you all

might know her.

Hey, everyone.

I'm still kind of reeling from what I've been finding in the geocaches.

I'll keep you all updated.

Oh, there it is.

What's up, peeps? Found another geocache. Let's see what's inside.

Hey, guys.

Freaking out over here. I went to a cast.

T .T. Cora's one cast.

I've been following him on the Geocast site, and I found this.

It's the exact same football I thought I had at my house.

I'm going to go back and check out my house, but I think someone broke into my

house, took this object out, and put it in the cast for me to find.

I think it's this T .T. Cora's guy.

following me or something's going on. Something strange.

Anyway, I'll talk to you guys later.

What the fuck is it?

Holy shit. What?

Go fake, dude.

Give it up.

Anybody else come here to get help falling asleep?

I'm never coming back. Heard you were interesting.

Heard wrong.

Hey guys, here at another geocache. Let's see what's inside.

Hey, hey!

I think someone's following me.

I'm gonna go find him.

Why can't I get a signal out here? Come on.

I'm lost.

I don't care if you're following me. Hey, wait. Help.

Help.

Becca? Yeah, that's me.

What are you doing here?

Just going for a hike.

Are you Alan?

The guy who found a finger in the geocache?

Yeah, that's me.

Are you doing okay? You don't look so good.

I'm alright.

Sorry, I can't believe it's really you.

Anyways, yeah,

I had a rough night.

You were here all night? I thought you just got here.

I got completely lost, turned around out there.

I didn't think I'd make it back.

I thought I was going to die.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I guess I'll take that barge you cashed off my list of destinations for today.

Actually, it was worth it.

I found another finger.

Sorry. Sorry for staring.

Like I said, I was near death.

How'd you find your way?

Well, I don't know exactly. There was, uh... What?

There was someone calling.

I screamed out for him, but he ignored me.

Yeah, it was.

What?

What? It just, you seem...

Happy? Just so exciting.

That was exciting?

Didn't you feel more alive than just sitting at home scrolling through

I thought I was going to die.

Yeah, but now you're alive.

What a story.

I guess.

Well, you're not going to believe this shit. I found two important things

not what you expect.

Well, it was quite the adventure. I found another one of these.

And I found someone who I thought was missing a

friend that I thought was missing. Yeah, yeah, a friend.

And I almost died doing it, but it was worth it.

I was scared.

I was dehydrated.

But it worked out in the end.

Looks like we're almost there.

Should I go?

Yeah.

Oh, are you excited for the cats?

Yeah, I want to find out what's in it.

Who's going to get there first, you or me?

Me, of course. I think it's going to be me.

Out of all this, you gained the sponsorship, so you can start making

I'm a dead -end job.

I told you I would get it.

What

is

it?

You've never heard of a smurf before?

No.

I think you'd like them.

Them?

Yeah, little blue people to hide in a forest.

Geocaching?

You're funny.

Funny like Smurf?

Kinda.

Why'd you choose that, anyway?

You know, I don't know. I just saw it and figured, why not?

I just don't get the appeal of those things.

And me neither, but maybe that's the point.

There is no point. It's just...

Something to play with while multitasking.

You better be careful. You're going to take off a finger.

So you are funny.

Are you going to keep following that guy's laws?

I don't know.

Do you think maybe you should go to the police?

I have. They keep saying they're looking into it.

Hey, let's post our stuff.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey everyone, nothing special with today's cache, but I did team up with a

geocache partner and we had a lot of fun.

But anyways, I found this little guy.

To be honest, I didn't even know what a smurf was before I found this, but my

new partner, she explained it and apparently lives in the forest and

she really said. I have no idea, so anyway.

I'm signing off for now. I'll catch you all later. See ya.

That had to be the most boring walk ever.

Holy crap, your channel is boring.

Now you have two blue things to play with.

Hey guys, going live here at another geocache.

Ooh, I found it.

Let's see what's inside.

Oh yeah, I knew it was a good idea to go live.

the fuck was that?

I think someone's following me.

I gotta go.

I heard something.

But I found this.

Alright, alright guys, I gotta go.

So?

Who do you think it is?

I don't know.

Maybe it's just...

Another geocacher who went in on your find.

Yeah, either that or he knows something about the finger.

True.

So what's on the docket?

Another post from that same guy.

That GT guy?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I mean, can you imagine? You know I was really worried about you, right?

What?

I told you I was up with the family.

No, no.

Before that.

I thought you were missing.

I don't follow.

I'm a little embarrassed to say, but...

I've actually been a fan and a follower of your social media for a while now.

So, I saw a post about you laying low and geocaching.

And?

When I found one of the fingers in that same cache, it was your bracelet with

the heart on it.

Yeah, I left that.

That was one of the finger sites?

Yep, you left it right before.

So I checked the logs on the site, and that was the last one you did.

And I knew you weren't posting anywhere, even there.

And I was finding weird shit, so I thought... What?

That the fingers were mine?

Yeah.

I think it's on this block.

What's wrong?

I don't feel like talking.

Why?

I'm gonna go live.

What are you doing?

Didn't I say I wasn't in the mood to be on camera, Alan?

Looks like someone doesn't want to be on camera.

But we're here at another geocache. Let's see what we find. Found it!

Someone asked if I spec'd out. What should I say?

Oh! A fidget box!

Just for you.

Thanks.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Alan, what's wrong?

What?

Who is he?

Who?

Are you okay?

What does he want?

Do you want to just call it a day?

No, no, no.

Let's look at the cat.

Will you put that away, Alan?

Look, they say they recognize your voice.

What the fuck?

Sorry, is the screen cracked?

What the hell?

I told you like ten times I don't want to be on camera.

Wait, wait. Aren't you going to put an item and take one?

What's worthy of your life? You'd Alan Amir or a nose?

It's wrong.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Look, I was just serious when I said I wanted to go offline, okay? Like,

you still need to be on... On what?

Online. In the spotlight.

Wait.

It's his fault. He's a sick motherfucker.

IT'S HIS FAULT! WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

Boring butt.

What?

I'm the fake one? You're the fake one!

Nobody likes my shit ever.

How the hell am I gonna get followers?

I'm sick and tired of nobody watching my shit.

Fucking views.

No comment.

Why aren't people commenting on my shit?

How am I going to get people to pay attention to my shit?

I thought Becca, yeah, that was her with me earlier today. I thought he was

missing. But instead, she found me, the real me.

And all that really matters to me anymore. So I'm going to take a break

social media. Not that any of you care, but things just got out of control.

Those were my fingers I was finding.

And the geocaches. I don't know what I was thinking.

But yeah, anyways, I'm retiring from social media, at least for the time

It's not healthy for me anymore. I need to focus on myself.

So, so long for now.

I was finding the geocaches. I don't know what I was thinking.

Anyways, I'm retiring from social media, at least for the time being.

It's not healthy for me anymore. I need to focus on myself.

So, so long for now.

Hi. Okay, I understand. You don't have to talk, but hopefully you'll listen.

I can count all the things I've done wrong, but I only have so many fingers.

See, I know you can hear me.

What were you thinking?

You need help, Alan.

I know I do, but I want to get better with you in my life.

I'm not so sure I'm a great influence. I have my own baggage that reminds you.

Look at them.

That is us. That will be us every day, every minute.

Oh, shit.

It's the fingers guy.

Can we get a pic?

Fuck off.

I want to pick. It can't hurt.

Alan, come on.

He's famous.

Alan, can I be in here?

Hey, are you conscious? Alan changed.

Yeah, that's me.

Can I get a pick? Sure, sure.

Hey everyone, I'm back.

Thank you.