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Good evening.
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Welcome to the Alfred Hitchcock Hour.
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When one becomes interested in
collecting authentic folk music, the
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instrument to purchase is an electronic
tape recorder.
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I recently made a trip among the
mountaineers of our country. The trip
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rewarding, for it is from people like
this that one can hear music that is
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uncontaminated by sordid commercialism.
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Sounds that speak from the human heart.
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At this point, I was still creeping up
on my subjects.
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There is perhaps no better place to
collect folk music than in a jailhouse,
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I lost little time reaching this goal.
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Actually, the town didn't have a
jailhouse.
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They use an echo chamber instead.
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This evening's Hootenanny deals with
some folk in the little village of
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Hollywood, California.
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Lana Lane was a motion picture star with
hardly a care in the world.
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Until... But that's what our story's
about.
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First, however, a number that is truly
indigenous to American television.
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A commercial.
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O Lord, from whom all strength and
comfort flows, teach me
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to know thy will and not my own.
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Forgive my pettiness and pride.
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I am vain and willful, I know, thinking
too often of myself alone.
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Lord, make me ugly.
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If it would help me to serve you more.
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Cut. Print it.
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Oh, Lana, baby, that was great. Was it
all right?
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Okay, boys, set up a reverse shot in the
nuns.
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Sister, you never looked lovelier.
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Thank you, Hayley. It's a little like
kissing my third grade teacher.
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Lana, darling, I knew you'd want this
lovely lady to come and say hello. Well,
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naturally, of course, Dave. How are you,
Hayley, dear?
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A little out of breath, if you must
know, dear.
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Hayley, come over here and sit down. Oh,
yes.
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Lana, it looked wonderful. Oh, gee. Oh,
it looked wonderful.
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Thank you, Lana. Thank you.
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Well,
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actually, dear, I've got 20 million
readers who can't wait to find out how
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feel about being nominated for the
Academy Award.
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Well, I'm grateful to almost everyone
connected with the picture, but most of
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all, and you may quote me, most of all,
I am indebted to my personal manager,
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Harry Lawrence, who insisted in the face
of so many studio objections that the
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part of Martha in Waverly Street was
exactly right for me.
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Thank you, darling.
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Thank you for everything.
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You know what my readers really want to
know more than anything else they want
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to know when you two plan to be married.
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Why, Hala, that doesn't answer my
question.
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Well, maybe not, Hala, dear. But one
thing I can promise you, that you will
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the very first to know.
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I'd better be.
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Well,
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the only thing that I might add is that
at the moment...
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At the moment, I have very little
intent... Harry.
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What is it?
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Harry, please take me to my bungalow.
Please, hurry.
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What's the matter? What happened? I
can't tell you here. Excuse me. Lana,
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can't just walk out like this.
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I don't know what happened.
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Don't apologize, Dave.
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I've been snubbed by royalty and
acrobats, but never until now by a
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an Academy Award.
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You're still trembling.
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All right, now, what is it?
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My imagination, I hope. Larry, stay with
me, please.
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All right, of course I will.
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I... I thought I saw George.
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George?
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walking out on an interview with Hala
French, of all people. All right, Dave,
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now knock it off.
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Lana's not feeling well.
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And I absolutely refuse to have her
stand on her head for Hala French or for
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anyone else. Just as simple as that,
huh?
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Yes, sir, just as simple as that.
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Well, maybe you two can afford to brush
off the press. But as publicity head of
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this studio, I can't.
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Dave, don't fret.
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I'll work on Hala. You will?
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Delighted. You'd be astonished how easy
it is to smooth out a wrinkled oval leaf
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like Hail of France. Yeah, well, Hail of
France just happens to be... All right,
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wait a minute. Hold it. Did I tell you
I'd take care of it? Well, you told me,
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but I... Uh,
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give me a second. I'll be right with
you.
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Harry, wait... One second.
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Harry! All right.
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Now, wait a minute.
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I want you to forget all this.
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You're under a lot of pressure now.
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You're tired. Your nerves are upset.
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What you saw was, uh...
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Who knows? Some little guy that bore a
slight resemblance to George. I'm right,
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aren't I? Aren't I?
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I guess so, Harry.
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You're always right.
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Oh, darling.
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Well, you take yourself a nice warm
shower. I'll be back soon as I can.
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Oh, peaches, baby.
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I mean, that was no dream you seen
walking. That was me.
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Your own loving husband.
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The last of the Red Hotka Davis.
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How about that, huh?
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Don't you think you ought to answer it?
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Hello?
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George, the newspaper said you were shot
in that bank robbery in Newark.
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Which only proves that you just can't
believe them obits.
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You know something, Peaches?
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Gotta tell you, I really go for this.
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George, George, I don't understand.
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It's simple, Peaches.
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I switched wallets with the guy that got
shot so the cops wouldn't go looking
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for me.
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Only trouble is, you just can't trust
them cops.
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Some quiz kid detective down at
headquarters recognized the cadaver as
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O'Toole and not Little Georgie.
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Three months later, I'm sitting in a
bar, Joey's joint in St. Louis, when the
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cops grab me and they make me do five
years as their guest, under my real
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too. And the crummy newspapers don't
even give me second billing to the honey
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ads.
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That's show business for you.
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But you know, this is nice.
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Real nice.
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Not much like the old days, huh,
Peaches?
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George, I've got to get dressed.
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It's been very nice seeing you again. I
mean, take all those county fairs and
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one -nighters we used to play.
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Me hustling the crowd for a quick buck,
remember?
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Step right up, folks, and see little
peaches do her dance. And then you did
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dance real slow and easy and mysterious,
like the natives never knew that grown
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girls came with a full set of skin.
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Ain't you sentimental about old times?
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You and Snakebite are among the very few
things that fail me in that respect.
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The old sense of humor, huh? Well,
that's my girl.
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00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:16,579
You know, I used to lay in my bunk and
say to myself, whatever happened to
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Peaches? Then six months later, I get
out of the pen, and one day I spring two
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bucks for a movie, and all of a sudden
it's very clear to me that everything's
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happened to Peaches.
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A new name, for one thing. I see Lana
Lane instead of Rosemary Peaches
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Oh, that's an improvement I'll grant
you.
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Also, a new set of curves, which are,
uh...
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Well, more ladylike, you could say. Or
does it just seem that way since you
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stopped tossing them around?
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You mole, you... Baby, Angel, please.
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Is that a nice way to talk to your
husband?
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00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:52,389
And I was just going to tell you how
much I like the new hairdo and that two
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million dollar smile you got from some
dentist.
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What's bugging you now?
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How much will it cost to get you out of
my life?
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Peaches Angel, let's not be commercial.
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At least until we find out what happens
at the Academy Awards.
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You might even win it.
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Like I say, the whole thing's a laugh a
minute.
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George, wait!
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What are you going to do? Where are you
going?
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I don't know yet, Peaches. I'll let you
know.
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George!
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As the saying goes, don't call us.
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We'll call you.
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gave the Oscar performance in that
picture, and I predict great things...
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darling. Hala, here's someone who wants
to say hello.
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00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:51,630
Oh, darling.
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Well, honestly, can you actually believe
all this? No, I actually can't.
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Oh, dear. Hello.
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Will you forgive me if I take our girl
away for a little while? Oh, no, don't
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worry about me.
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00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,090
We'll be back.
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00:12:08,860 --> 00:12:11,160
Well, as I was saying... Oh, thank you
so much.
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As I was saying, it's the kid's picture,
and I predict great things. She's
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really going to go someplace.
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Mark my words.
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Hello.
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00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:24,180
Good evening. It's so nice to see you.
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00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:25,870
Hello.
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00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,750
Thank you, darling, for rescuing me. My
pleasure.
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Why don't you give me that before you
drop it on my foot? Not on your life.
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How are you bearing up?
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I could use a drink.
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Well, I think we can be arranged.
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Tom, very dry martini, could I maybe?
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00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:03,440
to talk to Halo for five minutes without
walking away.
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00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:06,599
Honey, Dave's absolutely right. We've
got to get back to Halo. But give me a
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00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,779
second with her first, will you? I want
to kind of smooth things over. Come on,
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00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:10,580
Dave. Just come in a couple of minutes.
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00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,290
Oh,
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00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:16,720
hello, Ed. How nice to see you. I'll be
right back.
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00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:22,839
Oh, excuse me, dear. I'm so sorry. Oh,
it's nothing. I do hope you're having a
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00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,880
pleasant time. Tell me, do you know Ed
Jackson of the Union Press? Sally Tracy?
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00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,890
Don't you dare open that big rat trap
mouth of yours, do you hear?
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00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:34,810
I'll be upstairs, third door on the
left.
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00:13:37,530 --> 00:13:40,240
Now you two have got to get to know each
other. Excuse me.
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00:13:41,410 --> 00:13:42,460
Isn't she cute?
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And such a lady.
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00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,330
Hey, what's the matter?
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Nothing that won't be cured real soon,
honey. I'll see you around.
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00:13:52,010 --> 00:13:53,060
Oh, Mr. Jackson.
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00:13:53,061 --> 00:13:57,399
There's something I've been wanting to
talk to you about.
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00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,160
Don't you think it's a pity the way they
type young actresses nowadays?
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00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,320
George, George, in here.
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00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:13,800
This is nice and chubby, Peaches.
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00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,520
You know, I never figured we could
strike it so good.
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00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,150
It'd still be legal.
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00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:23,750
Well, well.
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00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:24,920
You, me, and Oscar.
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00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:26,320
Just the three of us.
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00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:30,350
Sturdy little fella, ain't he? Sure
don't look like me.
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00:14:30,351 --> 00:14:33,879
You know, I had every confidence you'd
win it. That's why I didn't bug you
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00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:34,930
last few days.
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00:14:34,931 --> 00:14:36,679
Figured you'd be busy taking bows.
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00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,459
How did you get into this party tonight?
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00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,499
No problem.
210
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,739
It's a press party, so I told them I was
from the press. What else did you tell
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00:14:42,740 --> 00:14:43,790
them?
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00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:45,840
Why, nothing precious.
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00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,320
At least, not yet.
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00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:52,640
What is your price, George?
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00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:54,550
Price, honey?
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00:14:54,551 --> 00:14:58,009
How can anyone put a price on the
situation we've got going here?
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00:14:58,010 --> 00:15:00,270
Like I said, you, me, and Oscar.
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00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:03,750
One little family against the world.
Stop it. Oh?
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00:15:06,270 --> 00:15:08,410
I'm not afraid of you anymore, George.
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00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:12,420
Harry knows all about you, and he knows
how to deal with people like you.
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00:15:12,630 --> 00:15:14,670
You're a personal manager? That's right.
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00:15:14,810 --> 00:15:16,050
How personal, Peaches?
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00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:21,169
Harry and I have discussed the whole
thing, and we've decided that every
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00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,220
has its price.
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00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,739
Harry's very good at this sort of thing.
You can talk over all the cash details
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00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:26,559
with him.
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00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,610
Tell me more.
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00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:32,939
The general idea is that you will go to
Mexico and get a quiet, uncontested
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00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:38,739
divorce. Oh, not from Lana Lane, of
course, but from that same Rosemary
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00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:41,940
who married you when she was 17 years
old.
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00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:46,189
Oh, them was the days, eh, Peaches? Oh,
you sure were a bouncy little dame. I
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00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:50,210
must also have had a hole in my head
large enough to hold a full cup of
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00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:51,910
How else could I have married you?
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00:15:52,130 --> 00:15:56,609
Oh, yes, sir, that's my Peaches. Give me
a girl with spirit every time. There's
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00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:59,509
no sense in our prolonging this
discussion, George. I have too many
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00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:00,560
downstairs.
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00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:03,730
Please call me tomorrow. Not at the
studio, but here.
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00:16:03,731 --> 00:16:07,409
And I'll tell you when and where you can
meet with Harry about the money.
239
00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:09,880
Baby, I'm only trying to be friendly and
logical.
240
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,959
It stands to reason when a crippled
citizen like me... That's what the
241
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,220
used to call us sometimes.
242
00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:17,510
Crippled citizens.
243
00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:21,299
It stands to reason that I wouldn't want
to be shaken down, you or your
244
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:24,879
boyfriend, in any way that the law could
say was... If you'll pardon the
245
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,640
expression, the ugly word is extortion.
246
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000
Well, that's very nice of you, George.
247
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,690
But I really don't mind helping you out
with a little something.
248
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:35,750
Teachers, baby.
249
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,150
Seriously, now.
250
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,240
Let's be honest with each other.
251
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,410
I mean...
252
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,910
Why would I want to talk with anyone
about money?
253
00:16:42,911 --> 00:16:47,339
Well, I thought that... I mean, with you
winning the Oscar and the way things
254
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:51,960
are going right now, I'd say that you
and I had just about everything we need.
255
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,050
We?
256
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:57,840
This is California, baby.
257
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,290
Community property.
258
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:04,220
Well, naturally, what's mine is yours
and what's yours is mine.
259
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,720
Now, wait a minute.
260
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,090
Am I right?
261
00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:13,618
I'm telling you right now, you won't get
away with it. Always talking about
262
00:17:13,619 --> 00:17:16,299
getting away with something. The whole
idea is ridiculous.
263
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,350
Here, for instance.
264
00:17:17,351 --> 00:17:20,578
Just to pass the time, sort of, I took
the trouble of checking into our real
265
00:17:20,579 --> 00:17:21,578
estate holdings.
266
00:17:21,579 --> 00:17:22,899
Oh, I like what you've done.
267
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:24,700
With only a few exceptions.
268
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,239
Now, I'm not knocking that warehouse you
bought in downtown L .A., but I'm sure
269
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:32,319
we can get some more mileage out of our
money in the valley. Our money? Now, you
270
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,159
listen to me.
271
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,210
Peaches, honey.
272
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,999
I'm trying to point out to you in a
friendly way that I'm 100 % for
273
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,539
property. And why wouldn't I be? It's
the way they've got it written in the
274
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:42,590
books.
275
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:46,879
If anybody ever found out that I had
ever been married to you, my career
276
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,230
wouldn't be worth a dime to you or
anybody else.
277
00:17:49,231 --> 00:17:52,219
That's the old -fashioned point of view,
baby.
278
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:54,990
The smart thing nowadays is to have come
up the hard way.
279
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:59,440
How? Like a snake up a rope the way
you're creeping into my life now?
280
00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:01,979
Peaches, you can take our own case.
281
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:04,000
I guarantee it's got universal appeal.
282
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,060
You are out of your mind. Do you hear
me? Out of your rock -headed skull.
283
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,490
Now, listen.
284
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:11,760
A pushnook pays his debt to society.
285
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:13,150
That's me.
286
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,040
Five long years in the cooler he gets.
287
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:20,099
And don't spare the details, because in
the fan magazines, they will love it to
288
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,150
pieces.
289
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:23,520
Five long years in the cooler.
290
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,759
And when the warden shakes his hand and
says goodbye, who's waiting from
291
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:28,810
outside?
292
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,440
Faithful as a crosstown bus?
293
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,220
You guessed it, baby.
294
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,700
The same little girl he left behind.
295
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:38,720
Only now she happens to be Hollywood's
most glamorous package.
296
00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:44,099
And she's waiting for the same poor
schnook with her heart as big as the
297
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,150
National Bank.
298
00:18:45,151 --> 00:18:49,079
I tell you, it's what dreams are made
of. The end of the rainbow.
299
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,279
Oh, baby, it's Cinderella even, except
that this time Cinderella's wearing
300
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,600
pants. Come here, baby. We got it made.
301
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,100
We got it made.
302
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,090
George.
303
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,170
Is he?
304
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,930
Oh, yes. He couldn't be any dead if you
had him kippered and hung.
305
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:28,640
Harry, what are we going to do?
306
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,960
Well, I don't know exactly, darling.
307
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,530
Actually, you could plead self -defense,
I suppose.
308
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:39,730
The obvious and prudent thing would be
to call the police, and yet...
309
00:20:44,170 --> 00:20:46,460
Harry, you promised me that she'd
cooperate.
310
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:49,289
All right, dear. Now, what is it now?
This is a party for the press. We
311
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,400
even photographed her with the Oscar
yet.
312
00:20:51,530 --> 00:20:53,090
You're right. Hold on one second.
313
00:21:13,341 --> 00:21:18,429
a gorgeous idea, sweetheart. You're
going to love this.
314
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:21,989
Downstairs you'll find a nice location
and we'll get a shot of her with both of
315
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,040
these. Huh?
316
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:24,220
Is that beautiful?
317
00:21:24,221 --> 00:21:28,129
Huh? And I guarantee you she'll be
downstairs in less than five minutes.
318
00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:29,180
right?
319
00:21:29,210 --> 00:21:33,070
Okay. There we go. But don't forget,
Harry, it's her neck just as much as
320
00:21:33,170 --> 00:21:36,510
Right. I've got a job to do for the
studio. Five minutes, sweetheart.
321
00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:37,820
Count of five.
322
00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:45,990
What are we going to do now?
323
00:21:47,470 --> 00:21:48,830
Well, what do you think?
324
00:21:49,670 --> 00:21:52,710
Well, darling, I don't know. All I can
do is rely on you.
325
00:21:55,450 --> 00:21:57,190
Darling, we could lose everything.
326
00:21:58,010 --> 00:21:59,210
Yes, it crossed my mind.
327
00:22:04,850 --> 00:22:07,200
Is there any chance he was seen coming
in here?
328
00:22:07,330 --> 00:22:11,559
No. No, I don't think so. I mean, all
the help and caterers were downstairs at
329
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,219
the time. He was passing himself off as
one of the reporters. I'm sure nobody
330
00:22:15,220 --> 00:22:16,270
knew him.
331
00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:18,800
Oh, Harry, what should we do?
332
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,840
I say let's go for the brass ring.
333
00:22:25,060 --> 00:22:26,440
I say let's get rid of George.
334
00:22:27,060 --> 00:22:28,110
Oh, Harry.
335
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:31,370
But let's save the celebration until
we're alone, all right?
336
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,000
I mean, your cedar closet has a
combination.
337
00:22:34,001 --> 00:22:35,979
Uh -huh. You're the only one with a
combination.
338
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,030
Oh, yes, Harry.
339
00:22:37,031 --> 00:22:39,939
Well, that's good enough for now. We'll
play the rest by ear.
340
00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:42,230
I don't understand. You open the cedar
closet.
341
00:22:42,231 --> 00:22:43,319
Freshen your lipstick.
342
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:46,510
Put on a nice big smile, and we'll be
out here in about 55 seconds.
343
00:22:55,100 --> 00:23:01,780
But, Harry,
344
00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:03,740
we can't leave the body in there.
345
00:23:03,741 --> 00:23:07,059
Honey, you just be charming to
everybody. When we get downstairs, leave
346
00:23:07,060 --> 00:23:07,779
to me.
347
00:23:07,780 --> 00:23:11,630
You make a beautiful widow. I'm not even
sure you need the lipstick, but hurry.
348
00:23:34,950 --> 00:23:36,000
angel of patience.
349
00:23:36,050 --> 00:23:38,390
That girl is exhausted, honey.
350
00:23:38,391 --> 00:23:41,009
I can't think of anything in the world
that would bring her down those stairs
351
00:23:41,010 --> 00:23:44,790
this time except her loyalty to you. Oh,
you're a fraud. A shameless fraud.
352
00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:46,409
You're peaked.
353
00:23:46,410 --> 00:23:48,689
Darling, I want you to wait right here.
I have a very important announcement to
354
00:23:48,690 --> 00:23:51,769
make. Announcement? Am I in charge of
public relations here? Did they ask me
355
00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:55,129
over to count the sandwiches? Oh, don't
be sensitive, Dave. I never am. Oh,
356
00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:56,930
Haley, darling, you're not leaving.
357
00:23:57,030 --> 00:23:58,080
No. Oh.
358
00:24:02,281 --> 00:24:08,049
to make. Will you all gather around?
Just come right in here.
359
00:24:08,050 --> 00:24:12,670
Love that man. I just love that man.
Well, you're a little late, Hayler,
360
00:24:12,690 --> 00:24:14,110
It happens that I do, too.
361
00:24:17,770 --> 00:24:19,110
Uh, my friends?
362
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:24,269
I, uh, don't think there's anyone here
that I don't know well enough to call a
363
00:24:24,270 --> 00:24:25,320
friend.
364
00:24:25,670 --> 00:24:30,629
I have something to say to you which I'm
just vain enough to think to hope will
365
00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:31,950
be of interest to all of you.
366
00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:35,130
For heaven's sake, are you going to
marry that glorious man?
367
00:24:35,460 --> 00:24:39,240
But as I promised you once before,
Haley, if and when he decides to ask me,
368
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,840
you'll be the very first to know.
369
00:24:41,020 --> 00:24:46,179
Before I launch into this announcement,
I think I'm entitled to a certain amount
370
00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:49,850
of moral support, which only one of you
can supply at the moment, darling.
371
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,460
What is it, Harry?
372
00:24:55,461 --> 00:24:59,739
It's certainly not any news that Lana
and I have been in love for a long time.
373
00:24:59,740 --> 00:25:03,410
What? may -be news is that we've finally
decided to do something about it.
374
00:25:03,810 --> 00:25:06,030
They couldn't. They wouldn't.
375
00:25:07,170 --> 00:25:11,369
I think this press party is an ideal
time to make the announcement that Lana
376
00:25:11,370 --> 00:25:12,570
I are about to be married.
377
00:25:14,450 --> 00:25:21,329
They can't do this to me. She just said
I'd be
378
00:25:21,330 --> 00:25:22,380
the first to know.
379
00:25:22,381 --> 00:25:23,469
All right, fellas.
380
00:25:23,470 --> 00:25:26,449
Hold it down just for a minute, please,
because I want to explain that this
381
00:25:26,450 --> 00:25:28,930
brilliant idea came to me without
warning.
382
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,060
in a blinding flash of inspiration.
383
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,660
Consequently, I have forgotten one tiny
detail.
384
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,160
I haven't asked the bride to be.
385
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:40,530
Darling?
386
00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:42,150
Oh, Harry!
387
00:25:44,980 --> 00:25:46,680
My impression is the girl says yes.
388
00:25:46,681 --> 00:25:51,719
Moreover, since she doesn't say no, I
can guarantee you we'll be out of here
389
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,239
within the hour on our way to Tijuana
and the first marriage counselor we can
390
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:56,099
roust out of bed.
391
00:25:56,100 --> 00:25:57,150
Where are you going?
392
00:25:57,151 --> 00:26:01,109
You'll have to forgive me, but I think
that's one thing that the bride and
393
00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:02,430
should keep to themselves.
394
00:26:02,431 --> 00:26:06,209
All I can say is if we'd known about
this beforehand, there would have been
395
00:26:06,210 --> 00:26:08,830
champagne. Meanwhile, the bar remains
open.
396
00:26:13,730 --> 00:26:14,870
Darling, I have no idea.
397
00:26:15,790 --> 00:26:17,900
Honey, the honeymoon is a touch of
custom.
398
00:26:17,901 --> 00:26:21,449
After all, could it be a better reason
if you're going on a long trip and
399
00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:22,590
with you a large truck?
400
00:26:31,470 --> 00:26:36,509
Me and Ed here, we'd like to wish you
and the future Mrs. Lawrence all the
401
00:26:36,510 --> 00:26:37,209
and happiness.
402
00:26:37,210 --> 00:26:40,229
Well, thank you. Thank you very much.
That's the nicest thing I've heard all
403
00:26:40,230 --> 00:26:41,280
night.
404
00:26:42,050 --> 00:26:43,910
Thank you again. See you later, fellas.
405
00:26:50,590 --> 00:26:51,990
Open a seat of closet, honey.
406
00:26:53,890 --> 00:26:55,710
Oh, Harry, I'm so scared.
407
00:26:57,510 --> 00:26:59,950
I'm almost as frightened as I am
thrilled.
408
00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:01,859
Well, why wouldn't you be?
409
00:27:01,860 --> 00:27:04,799
How often does a girl knock off one
husband and haul him along on a
410
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:06,099
with a fellow next in line?
411
00:27:06,100 --> 00:27:07,780
Oh, Harry, we mustn't be ghoulish.
412
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,080
I don't want to look inside.
413
00:27:10,340 --> 00:27:11,390
You don't have to.
414
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,130
I just want to gather up the rest of
your trousseau.
415
00:27:17,740 --> 00:27:23,080
Is he all right?
416
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,580
I'm sure he'll never look better.
417
00:27:30,090 --> 00:27:31,470
pad this out with something.
418
00:27:31,471 --> 00:27:34,389
I don't want him rattling around when he
goes downstairs.
419
00:27:34,390 --> 00:27:35,440
I thought of that.
420
00:27:36,110 --> 00:27:37,190
Oh, you did, did you?
421
00:27:37,191 --> 00:27:40,529
How many husbands have you disposed of,
dear?
422
00:27:40,530 --> 00:27:41,910
Well, only one so far.
423
00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:44,770
That wasn't especially funny.
424
00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,940
Darling, let's go over this one more
time.
425
00:27:47,941 --> 00:27:52,069
Now, assuming that we're out of here in
the next hour, we'll be in Tijuana a
426
00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:53,630
little after midnight. Sit down.
427
00:27:55,790 --> 00:27:58,450
Getting married down there, as you know,
is a very...
428
00:27:58,940 --> 00:28:01,110
Trying ordeal may take us all to 20
minutes.
429
00:28:01,340 --> 00:28:03,140
Harry, you make it sound so romantic.
430
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:04,970
It's a talent I have.
431
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:06,970
Thank you.
432
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,650
I can do better.
433
00:28:08,651 --> 00:28:12,659
I've told Dave he can bring all the
reporters he wants to Tijuana. That's
434
00:28:12,660 --> 00:28:15,920
business. But where we go on our
honeymoon is entirely up to us.
435
00:28:16,260 --> 00:28:17,600
But they might follow us.
436
00:28:17,601 --> 00:28:20,339
Let them try. If they want to, I doubt
very much they will. I've been busy
437
00:28:20,340 --> 00:28:22,739
creating the impression we're going
someplace deep into Mexico.
438
00:28:22,740 --> 00:28:27,079
All right, now, just to get our own
stories straight, from Tijuana we have
439
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,580
east. Catch the main road south.
440
00:28:31,810 --> 00:28:32,950
Then we'll double back.
441
00:28:37,230 --> 00:28:38,510
At a point roughly here.
442
00:28:38,830 --> 00:28:44,329
And cross back into the States at
Mexicali. And from there, can't be more
443
00:28:44,330 --> 00:28:45,530
another hour to my shack.
444
00:28:45,970 --> 00:28:47,020
Tony.
445
00:28:47,310 --> 00:28:49,050
Bury George before daybreak.
446
00:28:49,770 --> 00:28:51,150
That's our slogan, darling.
447
00:28:51,151 --> 00:28:52,529
Yes, Harry.
448
00:28:52,530 --> 00:28:53,409
There's one more thing.
449
00:28:53,410 --> 00:28:54,460
Yes, Harry.
450
00:29:09,610 --> 00:29:10,660
I haven't got the key.
451
00:29:13,230 --> 00:29:14,280
Well,
452
00:29:18,790 --> 00:29:22,100
I hope you both realize that Hala French
is now your devoted enemy.
453
00:29:22,530 --> 00:29:24,870
And worse than that, she's also turned
on me.
454
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:26,440
Gee, I'm sorry, Dave.
455
00:29:26,870 --> 00:29:28,920
She gave me a preview of Monday's
column.
456
00:29:28,921 --> 00:29:32,669
Believe me, it is not going to assist
you in any plans you may have for the
457
00:29:32,670 --> 00:29:35,589
future. Well, Dave, what would you like
me to do? Take her on a separate
458
00:29:35,590 --> 00:29:37,049
honeymoon when I get back from this one?
459
00:29:37,050 --> 00:29:38,100
Harry! Honey!
460
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,360
I'm only kidding. Look, Hala's not a bad
egg.
461
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:46,160
I think she'd come around if you just,
you know, gave her a nice little scoop.
462
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,150
Maybe an exclusive on your first day of
marriage.
463
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:50,600
What you ate for breakfast.
464
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,780
The kind of family you hope to have.
Your hopes, your dreams.
465
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,530
It's not a hogwash, Dave. And it could
save our skins in 300 newspapers.
466
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:02,220
Harry, look, the least you could do is
let Hala know where you're going.
467
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:03,490
I told you, Mexico.
468
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,080
Deep in Mexico.
469
00:30:05,460 --> 00:30:06,510
Guaymas.
470
00:30:06,511 --> 00:30:09,659
Chihuahua, Guadalajara, you name it,
I'll try to pronounce it, but I
471
00:30:09,660 --> 00:30:10,779
you won't be able to find us.
472
00:30:10,780 --> 00:30:14,630
You're sure of that? Not with a Geiger
counter or with Hala's twitching nose.
473
00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:16,380
David, tell you what I will do.
474
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,959
I promise that I will phone Hala an
exclusive report on our honeymoon the
475
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:22,919
the first week.
476
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:23,970
I guarantee it.
477
00:30:23,971 --> 00:30:26,819
You can tell her she's the only old crow
in the world that we're allowing to
478
00:30:26,820 --> 00:30:27,699
peep into our nest.
479
00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:29,620
I'm speaking figuratively, of course.
480
00:30:29,621 --> 00:30:30,579
Could help.
481
00:30:30,580 --> 00:30:33,299
As a matter of fact, it might even take
me off the hook. You can even tell her
482
00:30:33,300 --> 00:30:35,539
if she wants to. She can still be made
of honor. Two of you can ride down with
483
00:30:35,540 --> 00:30:38,339
us and hitch a ride back. Now, will you
get out of here? Yeah. Okay, Harry. So
484
00:30:38,340 --> 00:30:42,059
long. Mr. Lawrence, we thought maybe it
was time to help you down to your car
485
00:30:42,060 --> 00:30:42,919
with the trunk.
486
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,620
Not just yet, Al. We'll be ready in a
few minutes.
487
00:30:46,220 --> 00:30:47,760
Okay. That'll be fine.
488
00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:53,140
Oh, and another thing, Ed, here and me,
we want to give this to Miss Lane.
489
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,540
Oh, how sweet of you.
490
00:31:00,050 --> 00:31:01,950
Well, I don't know what to say.
491
00:31:04,610 --> 00:31:05,660
Go ahead.
492
00:31:07,270 --> 00:31:08,350
That's for both of you.
493
00:31:08,351 --> 00:31:12,249
All right, Al. Thanks very much. We'll
call for you in a few minutes.
494
00:31:12,250 --> 00:31:14,780
Oh, I almost forgot to give you the key
to the trunk.
495
00:31:15,270 --> 00:31:16,320
Thank you.
496
00:31:16,350 --> 00:31:17,970
All right. A couple of minutes now.
497
00:31:17,971 --> 00:31:24,289
We're going to have to pack this thing a
little more tightly, honey.
498
00:31:24,290 --> 00:31:25,340
Honey?
499
00:31:26,310 --> 00:31:28,670
There are nice people in this world,
Harry.
500
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:33,579
I mean simple, unaffected people that
aren't forever trying to grasp something
501
00:31:33,580 --> 00:31:34,630
for themselves.
502
00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:36,960
I guess somehow I'd forgotten that.
503
00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:38,710
Darling.
504
00:31:42,660 --> 00:31:43,980
Why did you do that?
505
00:31:49,020 --> 00:31:50,520
You like the least we can do?
506
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,460
Hear me out!
507
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,450
First week, darling, a blow -by -blow
from the Brighton Grove.
508
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,970
Harry, if you don't phone that story to
Hala, it's my neck.
509
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,590
What's the matter, Pally? Don't you
trust me?
510
00:33:30,730 --> 00:33:31,790
what you said I'd see.
511
00:33:33,450 --> 00:33:34,500
Nothing.
512
00:33:35,970 --> 00:33:37,610
We're the only car in the road.
513
00:33:43,970 --> 00:33:45,020
Tired?
514
00:33:46,090 --> 00:33:48,950
I'm so tired and happy I could die.
515
00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:52,540
Darling, can't you find a happier
expression?
516
00:33:53,270 --> 00:33:56,040
Oh, darling, I'm sorry. I really didn't
mean it that way.
517
00:33:56,530 --> 00:34:00,410
No, I mean... Oh, it's been such a long
and terrible...
518
00:34:03,219 --> 00:34:04,880
Do you know something, Harry?
519
00:34:05,100 --> 00:34:06,150
What?
520
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:08,000
I owe you my life.
521
00:34:09,980 --> 00:34:11,239
I owe you everything.
522
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:13,980
All right, I'll send you a bill.
523
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:15,880
Why don't you relax a little?
524
00:35:17,371 --> 00:35:19,529
Harry, what happened?
525
00:35:19,530 --> 00:35:22,709
Nothing, honey. I just turned the car
around. We're heading back to Mexicali.
526
00:35:22,710 --> 00:35:25,590
Oh, so soon?
527
00:35:26,490 --> 00:35:29,980
Well, you've been asleep. We were
running south off for almost an hour.
528
00:35:30,550 --> 00:35:35,710
Oh, I'm sorry.
529
00:35:36,370 --> 00:35:37,420
Don't be sorry.
530
00:35:37,990 --> 00:35:40,580
So far, I've seen an abandoned truck and
three cows.
531
00:35:43,130 --> 00:35:44,180
Harry.
532
00:35:45,390 --> 00:35:47,980
Do you think it's safe to go back to
California now?
533
00:35:47,981 --> 00:35:49,049
Mm -hmm.
534
00:35:49,050 --> 00:35:50,100
Have to be.
535
00:35:50,210 --> 00:35:53,280
We want to get to the lodge and unload
George before daylight.
536
00:35:57,010 --> 00:36:01,010
When we go back into California, that's
at Calexico, isn't it? Yeah.
537
00:36:01,390 --> 00:36:03,070
First Mexicali and then Calexico.
538
00:36:03,670 --> 00:36:04,720
Why?
539
00:36:05,570 --> 00:36:09,389
Well, I just hope the customs
inspections are just as simple as you
540
00:36:09,390 --> 00:36:10,650
will be. Oh, honey, listen.
541
00:36:10,810 --> 00:36:13,370
I've never been challenged in over a 50
crossing.
542
00:36:14,030 --> 00:36:18,949
They will ask us where we were born, and
we will reply with great courtesy in
543
00:36:18,950 --> 00:36:19,949
the United States.
544
00:36:19,950 --> 00:36:24,729
Then they may ask you if you have
anything on which duty should be paid,
545
00:36:24,730 --> 00:36:27,610
will say no, not unless there's a tax on
dead husband.
546
00:36:28,950 --> 00:36:30,000
Harry, please.
547
00:36:30,001 --> 00:36:33,509
Well, honey, I'm just trying to
demonstrate to you how silly it is to
548
00:36:33,510 --> 00:36:34,309
about it.
549
00:36:34,310 --> 00:36:37,489
Those customs inspectors are going to
recognize you, and they're not going to
550
00:36:37,490 --> 00:36:40,170
say, Miss Lane, may we peep into your
trousseau.
551
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,360
I'm sorry, Harry. It's just that I... I
know.
552
00:36:47,361 --> 00:36:48,759
You cheer up.
553
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,080
We'll soon be rid of George.
554
00:37:05,390 --> 00:37:11,739
Goodness, that's over. I told you we
wouldn't have any trouble at the border.
555
00:37:11,740 --> 00:37:14,219
That guy was so busy gawking at you, we
could have had to backload it with
556
00:37:14,220 --> 00:37:15,960
machine guns and tropical spiders.
557
00:37:17,980 --> 00:37:19,540
Well, how much longer is it now?
558
00:37:19,660 --> 00:37:20,740
Oh, another hour or so.
559
00:37:20,741 --> 00:37:24,279
We stay on 98 and 80 almost all the way,
then we turn off at the lake.
560
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:25,999
Would you want me to get the map out of
your coat?
561
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,050
No, I don't need it.
562
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:30,680
Flight two, will you, hon?
563
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:45,730
Thank you again.
564
00:37:45,860 --> 00:37:46,910
My pleasure.
565
00:38:16,170 --> 00:38:18,460
There's a car coming up behind us rather
fast.
566
00:38:19,810 --> 00:38:22,050
There's no need to get someone excited.
567
00:38:22,051 --> 00:38:24,569
Could it be Dave and those reporters?
568
00:38:24,570 --> 00:38:26,690
No, I don't think so. Not this time.
569
00:38:28,890 --> 00:38:30,390
Gary, they must have found out.
570
00:38:30,550 --> 00:38:31,600
What can we do?
571
00:38:32,250 --> 00:38:33,300
Hold on to yourself.
572
00:38:33,890 --> 00:38:34,970
That's what you can do.
573
00:38:53,710 --> 00:38:55,450
It would be charming if it kills you.
574
00:38:57,110 --> 00:38:58,160
Your license?
575
00:38:58,210 --> 00:38:59,260
Yes, sir.
576
00:39:05,490 --> 00:39:08,740
Eighty -five miles an hour is too fast
on this road to add any time.
577
00:39:09,130 --> 00:39:12,800
And with the curves ahead, it's a nice
chance that you'll break your neck.
578
00:39:13,210 --> 00:39:15,620
I realize it's much too fast, officer.
I'm sorry.
579
00:39:15,730 --> 00:39:20,249
The truth is we've only been married for
a few hours. We've chosen this route
580
00:39:20,250 --> 00:39:22,110
back to Los Angeles to fool reporters.
581
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,040
I'm Lana Lane, officer.
582
00:39:24,340 --> 00:39:25,390
I know.
583
00:39:26,180 --> 00:39:28,290
We got the message in on the border
patrol.
584
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,210
We're sort of allergic to dead bodies
around here.
585
00:39:32,220 --> 00:39:33,270
Excuse me?
586
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:38,139
I mean, if you want to wrap yourselves
around a tree, do it back in L .A. or
587
00:39:38,140 --> 00:39:39,190
Beverly Hills.
588
00:39:39,540 --> 00:39:41,340
We don't want that kind of publicity.
589
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:42,450
Oh.
590
00:39:42,451 --> 00:39:43,919
Here's your license.
591
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:44,970
Good night.
592
00:39:45,140 --> 00:39:46,190
Good night.
593
00:39:47,220 --> 00:39:50,820
You're the most insulting, impudent
police officers I've ever known.
594
00:40:09,870 --> 00:40:11,570
Well, we made it, Angel.
595
00:40:12,670 --> 00:40:14,170
Well, let's dispose of Jordan.
596
00:40:33,740 --> 00:40:36,680
If you mean bury him tonight, the
answer's no.
597
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:38,880
I'm just too tired.
598
00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:43,890
Tonight he goes in the cellar. He's
there keeping.
599
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:50,619
About tomorrow evening, old George is
going to be buried deeper than the
600
00:40:50,620 --> 00:40:51,670
of a dinosaur.
601
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,560
Oh, Harry, I can't bear to look.
602
00:40:56,561 --> 00:40:57,819
All right.
603
00:40:57,820 --> 00:40:59,160
Okay, you don't have to.
604
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:01,460
Take your bag. Go on up to the house.
605
00:41:22,250 --> 00:41:23,990
Out of the potted plant, by the door.
606
00:41:24,070 --> 00:41:25,120
Oh, okay.
607
00:42:45,431 --> 00:42:47,399
they deserved.
608
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:51,820
I don't approve of taking the first
husband along on the honeymoon.
609
00:42:52,540 --> 00:42:57,999
Next on our program is a one -minute
solo by the sponsor, followed by some
610
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,740
scenes from next week's play.
611
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:14,839
All the best episodes. All day. All
night. All weekend. It's a pandemonium
612
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,060
marathon on TV Land.
613
00:43:16,410 --> 00:43:19,530
where TV fans go for weekend TV
satisfaction.
614
00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:24,130
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