Original subtitles

WHERE IS CALLAWY? WENT THATAWAY.

You're safe now, ma'am.

My grandfather and I will always be grateful.

All in a day's work.

You'll find life is peaceful all day.

I'll be heading right soon Where the prairie

flowers bloom Where the breeze blows my troubles.

Well, that's it for tonight, kids.

Be with us again next week when your

pal, Smokey Calloway, fights it out single-handed

in Pride of the Purple Prairie.

In the meantime, have Mommy stock up on

corkies, those crispy, crunchy, crackly corkies.

And remember, kids, Smokey wants to know how

you like his little show.

So just drop him a note, will you?

Care of Patterson and Fry, 211 Vine Street,

Hollywood, California.

Remember that, kids.

Patterson and Fry, 211 Vine Street, Hollywood, California.

Gentlemen, I've considered your offer to manufacture Smokey

Calloway boots.

Looks like Christmas, I tell you.

Worse than Christmas.

Calloway's bigger than Christmas.

Why, he's the biggest thing since...

Hey, look at that.

Fourth cover this month.

I remember him from the old days.

A nobody on a horse, and now look

at him.

You'd think he was as big as the

president.

Hey, tell me, does he still hit the

bottle?

What?

Does Calloway still hit the bottle?

Smokey Calloway is, in every sense of the

word, an inspiration to the youngsters of America.

Oh, Mr. Fry, I've been waiting here all

the time to see you.

Gentlemen, I can't see you right now.

You'll have to be patient.

Mr. Patterson and I are just up to

here.

We'll see you as soon as we can.

Mark, let me know as soon as a

guy named Georgie Markham gets here.

Right.

Hi.

Hi.

Well?

Nothing.

A big, fat nothing.

Hmm.

All the way to the San Diego poorhouse.

For what?

Nothing.

Hate to be an I-told-you-so,

but I told you so.

Oh, they had a fellow named Calloway, all

right.

Only he was 68 years old, he doesn't

drink, he hates horses, and all he knows

about movies is that's where you go to

buy popcorn.

Told you.

Told you, told you.

You're so smart, why don't you tell me?

Have you come up with something?

I have.

Let's call New York and tell them the

truth.

There is no Smokey Calloway.

Who says so?

$10,000 worth of private detectives who have

scoured city, county, state, and nation and have

come to the devastating conclusion that no one

has seen or heard of this man the

last 10 years.

You call that evidence?

Why don't we just put an ad in

the paper?

Available.

Two charming ex-copywriters.

Had brilliant idea.

Gave up jobs to put cowboy pictures on

television.

Found pictures, found sponsor.

Couldn't find cowboy.

Charming copyright is very available.

Have typewriter, will travel.

Tee hee.

Very funny.

Mike.

Lawrence called twice from New York today.

The board is very impatient.

They would like to meet Mr. Calloway in

person.

Well, did you tell him he was still

hunting?

Sure, but how long can we say he's

hunting?

Until we find him, he's hunting.

By this time, he could have bagged everything

that's left over from King Solomon's mines.

You know, sometimes I wonder why I keep

you around.

Maybe it's because I own 50% of

the stock.

That must be the reason.

Yes?

Mr. Georgie Markham to see Mr. Fry.

Who's Georgie Markham?

Send him in.

Who is he?

He's a broken-down agent.

He handled Calloway for a while, just before

he hit the skids.

How'd you find out about him?

From the girl behind the cigar counter at

Schwab's drugstore.

He, uh, handles her, too.

Show him in.

You'll try anything, won't you?

Make me an offer.

Come on, look alive.

Mr. Markham.

Georgie to handle.

G for Georgie, M for Markham, and H

for how are you?

Uh, how are you?

And to whom do I have the pleasure?

Well, this is Deborah Patterson, and I'm Michael

Fry.

How do you do?

My dear Patterson and Fry, I gotta hand

it to you.

Smart operation.

You take all that old Calloway junk, put

it on TV, and suddenly, overnight, a washed

-out, beat-up drunk, nobody's even heard of

him in ten years, suddenly becomes the hottest

thing in show business.

Mr. Markham.

Say, where you been keeping the guy?

You know, the whole town's been wondering.

Look, when was the last time you saw

Smokey Calloway?

I don't know, eight, nine years.

Where?

Who knows?

Please, try to remember.

What am I, an elephant?

Some bar?

Some gutter?

Why don't you ask Smokey?

Maybe he remembers.

Suppose we told you we can't find Smokey

Calloway.

What do you mean, you can't find him?

You got a ten-million-dollar situation here,

a walking myth.

Why, this guy's bigger than...

You can't find Smokey Calloway?

He has disappeared from the face of the

earth.

This is bona fide and verbatim.

Absolutely.

My dear Patterson and Fry, this is what

I call an American tragedy.

You don't know.

Hundreds of manufacturers are waiting to put his

name on their products.

Hats, pistols, suits, boots, bicycles, tricycles.

They want him for parades, rodeos, department stores.

Our sponsor wants him for 50 new films.

They've even named a new cereal after him,

Calla Crackleys.

Calla Crackleys?

They're like corkies, only they explode in the

kitty's mouth.

Georgie, you can do yourself a big favor.

Meaning?

Go out and find Smokey Calloway.

You go out and find him.

What can I do?

Smokey had a lot of unsavory friends.

They haven't been too cooperative.

And?

What Mr. Fry means is that they might

talk to you where they won't talk to

a private eye.

So what am I, a public eye?

You can do it, Georgie.

You knew them all, the hangers-on, the

grifters, the dames.

Go out and find Smokey Calloway.

Bring him in.

He'll make himself a fortune.

I have a question.

And 10% for you.

I have the answer.

When do I start?

You just did.

All expenses paid.

Right, Miss Patterson?

You're always right, Mr. Fry.

Then get going, Georgie, and good luck.

Don't worry.

I'll bring him back dead or alive.

Either way, he ought to look great.

You know, of course, that this is insane.

Possibly.

Tell me, why do I always go along

with you and your crazy ideas?

Because I'm bright, debonair, handsome, and irresistible.

That must be the reason.

You ever see this guy before?

Ah, yes.

Smokey.

When's the last time you saw him?

Oh, two, three years, I guess.

Where, do you remember?

Mexico City.

Mexico City?

Los Toros Cafe.

I remember it was day of big bullfight.

Everybody go to the big bullfight.

Oh, believe me, I don't forget.

Why not?

Because Smokey and I, we don't go to

the bullfight.

That's my Smokey.

Thanks, honey.

I'm very happy when he leave for Acapulco.

Acapulco?

They're a cruise?

Antofagasto?

Acapulco, Veracruz, Antofagasto.

Join Patterson and try and see the world.

Give the man a chance.

You've got to have a little patience.

Not to mention money.

Did Columbus turn back in the middle of

the ocean?

Did Balboa stop when he got to Palm

Springs?

We're not making history.

We're only trying to find one drunken cowboy.

Yeah.

If they had a Geiger counter for bourbon,

we'd have found him months ago.

Since they don't.

Yeah?

New York.

Mr. Lawrence and I'm one.

Put him on 2-2.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Lawrence.

We're both on, Mr. Lawrence.

Yes, yes.

Things are going along just fine.

Oh, just great.

As a matter of fact, we...

What's that?

Frankly, the board considers Mr. Calloway's obvious reluctance

to exhibit himself most irregular.

And before we'd spend two million dollars on

a series of new television films, we'd have

to assure ourselves that he's in shape.

And I mean physically, mentally and morally.

Oh, he's in beautiful shape.

He's never looked better in his life, Mr.

Lawrence.

And may I ask just where is Mr.

Calloway now?

Oh, he's...

He's still up in Canada.

Oh, no, he's all through hunting.

Now he's doing some fishing.

Yes, yes, they say the pickerel are running.

May I suggest that you get Mr. Calloway

back from his hunting or fishing or whatever

it is and make a screen test of

him immediately?

If you want, I'll come out and supervise

it personally.

No, no, no need for that.

Oh, no, no, we can handle that, Mr.

Lawrence.

And don't you worry about a thing.

Patterson and Fry are in action.

Right, Mr. Lawrence, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Patterson and Fry are in action.

I had to say something.

Mike, this is ridiculous.

You can't make a screen test of a

man who doesn't exist.

But what do you suggest?

Call him back and tell him the truth.

You mean admit we're licked?

Yes, Mike.

Debbie, where is your faith, your perseverance, your

stick-to-it-iveness?

Mike.

All right, call him back.

But reverse the charges.

Get me Lawrence in the New York.

Well, my dear PNF, what now?

Mike, put that ad in the paper.

Might even try getting married.

Both things aren't that bad.

I guess you're right.

Hey, this is amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

500,000 letters, all of them positive.

Today, the first negative.

Someone doesn't like Calloway.

He's not alone.

Yeah, but wait till you hear why.

Ha, this'll kill you.

Marvin, please, they're expecting a call.

Listen to this.

Duck Falls, Colorado.

Dear sirs, I'm writing in regards to your

so-called cowboy, Smokey Calloway, whom I wish

you would have stopped riding around and shooting

like a darn fool as all my friends

are laughing at me.

The reason they're laughing is this Calloway and

me look enough like each other to be

kinfolk.

Everybody thinks they look like a movie star.

Yeah, but this guy really does.

And since I ain't got no kinfolk, I

don't want no one who looks like my

kinfolk to go around shooting and riding like

a darn fool.

So, we'd appreciate it if you'd oblige.

Signed, Stretch Barnes, Duck Falls, Colorado.

There's a P.S. Here.

To show I ain't made this up, I'm

enclosing 25-cent photo of self.

Please return same or 25 cents.

Stretch Barnes.

Duck Falls, Colorado.

Howdy, partner.

Know a cowpoke around these parts named Stretch

Barnes?

Corral.

Mind if we mosey over there, partner, and

kind of claver a spell?

Why don't you just walk over and talk

to him?

Yeah, yeah, we'll do that.

Come along, partner.

Mike, look.

Isn't that he getting on the horse?

Yeah.

Fabulous.

Unbelievable.

Okay, let her go.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Not now, not after we've come this far.

Ah, scratch him, boy.

Mike, don't stand there.

Do something.

I'll find a bow, Splashers.

You get some plasma.

Come on, Mike.

Mr. Barnes, are you all right?

I reckon so.

Hey, don't move.

You'll get the best of everything.

Hospital, nurses, candy, fruit.

Never seen you ride like that on television.

Never seen Smokey Calloway get throwed like that.

Mr. Barnes, are you sure you're all right?

Sure.

Take it easy now.

Hey, I don't reckon I know you folks,

do I?

I'm sorry.

You see, we're Patterson and Fry of the

television show.

You wrote us that letter.

Oh, gee, you didn't need to go to

all that trouble.

You could have just wrote me a postcard.

There was no trouble.

We just happened to be in the neighborhood.

Mr. Barnes, we have a proposition to discuss.

Is there someplace we can talk?

Well, I guess so.

Let's mosey up the bunkhouse.

Fine.

You see?

Mosey.

That's real western talk, isn't it, Stretch?

I don't know.

I got it off the television show.

I still don't understand.

If this Calloway fellow's dead, how come you

got all those pictures on television?

Well, they were old pictures.

They were made ten years ago.

And now we want to make a new

one.

And that's why we need you.

Oh, but I told you, ma'am, I

couldn't do that.

Even if I knew anything about movies, which

I don't, I couldn't take over the name

and face of a dead man.

It don't seem like I have the right.

You have more than the right, Stretch.

You have the sacred obligation.

How do you mean?

To carry on the symbol of Smokey Calloway.

To make it live in the hearts of

millions of American youngsters.

A symbol of all that's good when we

talk about goodness in a man.

Oh, I'm sure he must have been a

real nice fellow, ma'am.

Yes, he was.

Tell me, how did he pass on?

Uh, he died with his regiment.

He went down with his ship.

It was a troop ship.

Oh.

Well, that's a pity.

It's awful nice of you to want me.

Well, if you folks will excuse me, I've

got some chores to be doing.

I'll tell Joe to give you a lift

into town so that you don't miss that

train.

Oh, Stretch, just a minute.

Just a minute, Stretch.

Mr. Barnes, I know human nature.

And I feel you're the kind of a

man who can do anything he puts his

mind to.

But I couldn't make movies, ma'am.

I never done no acting in my whole

life.

Acting?

Who said anything about acting?

You're going to be a cowboy star.

How's that?

All you got to have are two expressions,

hat on and hat off.

Oh.

Four lines.

That's all you have to know.

Howdy, partner.

Thank you, ma'am.

They went that-a-way, and we'll head

them off at the pants.

I reckon there's more to it than that.

We'll help you, Mr. Barnes.

Really, we will.

Thank you, ma'am.

That's very kind.

I reckon not.

Wait, Stretch.

Well, Stretch, you don't want to spend the

rest of your life playing wet nurse to

a herd of buffalo.

You can pick yourself up a nice piece

of change.

Well, maybe so, sir.

But I guess it's just not what I

want.

Oh, now, look, Stretch.

My, please.

All right, Mr. Barnes.

Suppose you tell us.

Just what do you want?

Well, may not sound like much to you

folks, but I guess I just want to

go on being close to this country out

here.

Close to the sky and the hills and

the cattle and the people I know.

Most of all, I want to buy me

a little ranch I got my eye on.

Good, rich earth and fine rolling hills.

Sounds beautiful.

Just what Smokey always wanted.

He did, huh?

Yes, he always said that when his job

with the youngsters was over and it was

time for the last round, that he'd be

heading for the old corrals.

He must have been a fine gentleman.

Ninety proof.

But how do you propose to pay for

this ranch of yours?

Save an option.

How much do you make a month?

140.

How much can you save out of that?

130.

You mean you live on $10 a month?

Waste not, want not, eat not.

No, no.

No, I eat real good.

Boards free, do my own laundry, cut my

own hair.

Ain't got a girl.

Tell me, how do you manage to spend

the whole $10 every month?

I don't know.

Just seem to slip right through my fingers.

Stretch, take my word for it.

You're making the mistake of your life.

Maybe so, sir.

But my grandma Barnes used to say, shoemaker

stick to your last.

I'll see about getting you left into town.

Just a minute, Mr. Barnes.

We mentioned that there'd be some money in

this for you.

We didn't say how much.

No, you don't want to miss that train.

We are prepared to make you a firm

and I might add very generous offer.

More than generous.

Starting at $2,000 a week.

I'll see about the truck.

$2,000 a week?

Every week?

Every week.

Hey, Juanito.

Senor Markham, he goes to Buenovado.

You find him some place on the waterfront.

Ah, yes.

It's the guy who plays the guitar all

the time at El Chicolo, right?

Yes, yes.

I think maybe he plays the guitar all

the time at El Chicolo.

There, look.

El Chicolo, huh?

Yes.

Thanks, amigo.

Caracoles, man.

Hey, we have to distribute the gifts.

Caracoles.

Caracoles.

Hello, Smokey.

How are you?

Georgie.

Georgie.

G for Georgie, M for Markham, and H

for how are you?

Hey, wait a minute.

Well, sure.

My old pal, Georgie.

How are you?

Say, what you doing down here?

I come down to find you, Smoke.

Come down to find your old pal, Smokey,

huh?

Say, honey, this is Georgie.

Cute little calla, ain't he?

Si, senor.

Say, what are you doing?

A little bourbon?

Yeah, let's go someplace we can talk, huh,

Smoke?

Talk right here.

What's the matter?

Ain't she good enough for you?

Oh, sure.

She's fine, Smoke.

All right, then.

Come on.

Let's have a drink.

But it's very important, Smokey.

I've got to talk to you.

Go ahead and talk.

It's a free country.

Well, almost free.

Here, Markham.

Yeah.

Did I tell you about the two guys?

Hey, excuse me.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, honey.

Bad news, Georgie?

No, not bad at all, Smokey.

But you and me are going to take

a little trip back to the States.

States?

Who needs the States?

They got softer gutters down there, ain't they,

honey?

Si, senor.

Si, senor.

Yeah, but you're going back to work, Smokey.

You're hot again.

They took those old pictures of yours and

put them on television.

Who cares?

But there's a pot of gold up there,

Smokey.

A pot of gold.

Oh, let them keep their pots.

I got one right here.

What, Smokey?

Oh, look, Georgie.

I like it here.

Smokey, will you listen to me?

I got to go entertain these characters.

Don't go away, honey.

Oh, look, Georgie.

When they get something like this on television,

you get in touch with me.

Smokey, I got to talk to you a

minute.

Hey, amigo.

When does the next boat leave from States?

Midnight.

Why?

My friend and I would like to get

aboard.

Your friend don't sound like he'd like to

go.

You think maybe we could persuade him?

No, Smokey, don't.

Please, please, Smokey.

Don't.

I didn't mean any...

Miserable wharf rat.

What did you do it for?

There's millions in it, pal.

Millions, I tell you.

Well, that better be, pal.

Five weeks in this broken-down tub.

No liquor, no dames.

I'll go nuts.

What's five weeks, pal?

Georgie's looking after you.

Here.

Here, have a drink.

So I'm a big man in Hollywood, huh?

Right back on top, Smokey.

Well, this time I'm going to take that

town for everything it's got.

Now you're talking.

Nobody better get in my way.

Now you're talking, pal.

Stretch, you'd better finish your lunch.

I was just wondering what she'd say.

Who?

My Grandma Barnes.

I was just thinking if she could see

me now sitting across my pretty girl and

fancy training my way to Hollywood to making

$2,000 a week, I wonder what she'd

say.

She'd probably say it's $100,000 a year.

Not Grandma Barnes.

She'd say it's $104,000.

That's 52 weeks, you know.

Grandma sounds like she knew the value of

a buck.

She was a McGregor.

A little of Grandma seems to have rubbed

off on you.

Yeah.

If she could see me today, she'd be

as proud as a pig with two tails.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

I just talked to the officer from San

Bernardino.

Guess who's going to be in Los Angeles

today?

Our good friend, Mr. Laurison.

Well, that's just dandy.

Yes, isn't it?

He called the office last night, and Marvin

just couldn't wait to tell him the good

news, so naturally Laurison hopped right on a

plane.

He'll be in Los Angeles when we get

there.

That Marvin is a living, breathing doll.

Yes, isn't he?

Check, please.

Come on, Stretch.

We've got a lot of work to do.

What kind of work, ma'am?

We're going to teach you the facts of

life.

Oh.

Well, I think I already know that.

The facts of Calloway's life.

Oh.

$1.70. I see.

With a tip that comes to $1.80,

I guess that's about $0.90 a piece,

ma'am.

Never mind, Stretch.

It's my pleasure.

All right, let's try it again.

Name?

Smokey Calloway.

Born?

Waco, Texas.

When?

August the 13th, 1940.

Sure is a powerful lot to remember.

Powerful, that's a good word.

Use that a lot.

And don't forget a hankering and a yearning.

And a fixin' to.

Yeah, a fixin' to and mighty.

Mighty what?

Well, mighty anything.

That's real cowboy talk.

Where have you been for the last 10

years?

My ranch in New Mexico.

Why are you here?

What brought you back to Hollywood?

$2,000 a week.

No, no, no.

The children, remember?

God, I've come out of my retirement because

of a sense of duty to the character...

To the children who love the character.

To the children who love the character of...

Aw, shucks, folks.

Why'd I have to be somebody I ain't?

Because you gotta be somebody you ain't.

Well, why can't I just say I'm a

self?

Stretch Barnes, a fella that happens to look

like Smokey Calloway.

I've already told you.

It's the kids.

They said in thousands of letters.

To those kids, Smokey Calloway is a living

ideal, a tower of virtue, unparalleled in the

annals of human kindness.

He is, huh?

We can't tell them that you're a substitute,

that the man they love is dead.

What do you want to do, disillusion those

children, break their little hearts?

Oh, no, sir.

I wouldn't want to do that.

Well, all right, then.

Name?

Smokey Calloway.

Born?

Waco, Texas.

Say, I never did see a place like

this before.

Like it?

Well, it all depends how much they get

here or not.

Don't worry about it.

A couple of dollars.

Two dollars a night just for a room?

Well, that includes running water.

Well, I don't know.

That's liable to get to be habit for

them.

But let's give it a whirl.

Nice to have you with us, Mr. Calloway.

Thank you.

That's real friendly.

Two dollars a night.

You know, I don't see how you folks...

Come on, Smoke.

Yes, sir, that's right.

Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Fry.

I forgot.

There's a message for you.

Uh-oh.

Laurison.

It is, too.

It is, too, Smokey Calloway.

Let's go.

Can we have your autograph, Mr. Calloway?

Well, I reckon so, son.

Excuse me.

Hey, that Calloway, is that two L's or

one?

Laurison.

Yeah.

He and his wife want us to have

dinner with them tonight at Macombo and bring

Mr. Calloway.

Macombo on Saturday night?

Funny place to arrange a first meeting.

Well, they probably want to see how our

friend behaves in public.

So do I.

Me, too.

Well, let's have at it.

Thanks, Smokey.

Let's go, Stretch.

We've got a big day ahead of us.

All right.

Where's Smokey now, Esther?

You said you knew him.

Hello, Mr. Calloway.

Howdy, ma'am.

Thank you for signing the boys' books and

congratulations on your return to Hollywood.

You know, you've come to mean a great

deal to so many youngsters.

Oh, I appreciate that, ma'am.

I hope you continue to appreciate it.

Yes, ma'am.

Good luck, Smokey.

Come on, boys.

Come on.

Who was that?

Esther Williams.

Oh.

Right, pretty girl.

What does she do?

That's Esther Williams, the movie star.

Oh.

I don't reckon I've seen her.

Has she been in many Westerns?

No, no.

She tends more toward Easterns.

Oh.

I guess we don't see many of them.

Come on, cowboy.

We've got a lot of work to do.

Once more.

I've come out of my retirement because of

a sensitivity to the children who love the

character of Smokey Calloway.

All right, that's enough of that.

Let's run through these once more.

That's Eva...

No, no.

Not Eva.

Ava.

Ava Gardner.

How could you forget that?

Shoulders out one full inch.

Who's this?

That's Tracy.

That's right.

Spencer Tracy.

You see him, it's Hia Spence.

Hia Spence?

This one.

Now, wait a minute.

I know that face.

Clark.

Clark.

Sam Clark.

No, no.

Gable.

Yeah, Sam Gable.

That's right.

Sam Gable.

No.

Clark Gable.

All right, stretch.

You can flip out of your shirt now.

Just turn aside, please, ma'am.

Please.

I have two older brothers.

I didn't have any sisters, ma'am.

All right, who's this?

That's Mickey Ruan.

No, no, no.

It's Cary Grant.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Say, am I going to see all those

people tonight?

Well, it's Mocambo on Saturday night.

You can't tell who'll be there.

I'm smoking you them all.

I'm sorry, folks, but I just can't remember

all them names.

All right, stretch.

If you're not sure, say hello to everybody.

Big smile, pat on the back.

You can turn around now, ma'am.

If it's a man, it's hiya boy, hiya

kid.

If it's a woman, hiya baby, hiya honey.

In a pinch, hiya sweet.

Is that the pinching?

It's just an expression.

Oh.

Just remember, hiya baby, hiya honey, hiya...

Does everybody in Hollywood talk that way?

No, but Smokey did.

He was very colorful.

Oh.

I don't know how that'll actually get in

there.

This one.

Baby!

Good, good.

Hiya, baby.

Hiya, honey.

Hiya, pal.

Good evening, Mr. Calloway.

Hiya, baby.

Your hat.

Thanks, sweetheart.

How am I doing?

Good evening, Mr. Calloway.

So nice to have you back.

Thanks, pal.

Mr. Lawrence's table, please.

Tumbleweed, fellas.

I can't see.

What's going on?

Smile.

Look happy.

What?

Smile.

Good evening, Mr. Calloway.

Hiya, honey.

Oh, hiya, Smokey.

Hiya, Sam.

Sam looks good.

Yeah, just great.

Well, we finally made it.

Hiya, Mr. Lawrence.

Hi.

Mrs. Lawrence, I want you to meet Smokey

Calloway.

Hiya, baby.

Hiya, pal.

Smokey, why don't you sit next to Mrs.

Lawrence?

Oh, yes, by all means.

Well, this is nice.

For a while, we thought there was no

such animal as Smokey Calloway.

Hey, Martha.

And here he is in the flesh.

And the flesh looks very good indeed.

It shows you.

Clean living will do it every time.

Just amazing.

Why, you look ten years younger than the

Smokey Calloway on the screen.

I guess maybe I am.

I mean...

Well, what he means is he's feeling ten

years younger than he felt when he...

Was feeling ten years older.

Well, shall we order dinner?

If this is the Smokey Calloway I used

to know, he'd be much more interested in

something liquid.

I beg your pardon?

You probably don't remember that night we met

in New York.

Oh, I think you're mistaken, ma'am.

I haven't been in New York.

Not for years.

Just years and years.

Has been quite a spell.

I'll never forget.

It was at the Central Park Casino.

You'd had a few and you were feeling

real good.

And I went up to you, a perfect

stranger.

And I said, Mr. Calloway, I'd like to

dance with a movie star.

Would you oblige?

And you said...

Now, now, Martha.

Oh, no, Tom.

Now I'm going to tell him.

You said...

I said that?

Oh, ma'am, I think you're mistaken.

I never would have said...

Smokey, what about that dance you promised me?

Oh, yes.

If you'll oblige, ma'am.

I'll order drinks.

I'll smoke you.

What would you say to a martini?

Well, I reckon it all depends on what

he said to me first.

How about this drinking?

Is he really giving it up?

Oh, he hasn't touched a drop in years.

Charter member of ACA.

Alcoholic Cowboys Anonymous.

Sorry, ma'am.

You're kind of fencing me in.

Would you rather sit down?

Oh, no, this is fine.

Sure.

Well, it ain't exactly dancing, but it'll do.

You know, Stretch, these first few weeks may

be a little rough.

But don't worry.

We'll be right there with you all the

time.

That's the nicest part of it.

Say, Miss Debra, you know that picture of

me I sent you?

You aiming to keep it?

Well, I thought I might.

Oh, that's right.

It cost you 25 cents, didn't it?

Well, yes, I did, but I'd kind of

like for you to keep it.

For nothing.

Well, thanks, Stretch.

That's real friendly.

I wonder how he'll photograph it.

Heaven.

But what a shame to waste it on

children.

Don't worry, Mr. Lawson.

You'll look fine.

I think so, too.

But I've got to convince the board back

east quickly.

That's why I've set up the screen test

for Monday.

Oh, that sounds reasonable.

Monday?

This Monday?

I've lined up studio space, the director...

No, but this is Saturday.

How could we shoot Monday?

Oh, there's no problem at all.

Just a few scenes from one of his

old pictures.

It'll all come back to him.

But we should have at least a week.

Now, now, I've wired the board already.

Calloway shoots Monday morning.

Monday morning.

Now, this guy, give me a double, please.

Now, remember, Stretch.

It's the toughest saloon in the toughest town

in old Arizona.

It's filled with cutthroats and murderers.

But you're Smokey Calloway, and you're not scared.

You got it?

Yes, sir.

All right, then.

Action.

No, no, no, Stretch.

It's not cowboy enough.

Here, sit over there.

Let me show you.

Remember, you're Smokey Calloway.

When you come into a saloon, you come

in like this.

You stand and give them the once-over.

And you start moseying over toward the bar.

Still looking at them.

And you keep right on it, moseying and

looking.

Moseying and looking.

And you sidle up the bar.

You spot the cusp door, and you let

a couple go.

And you slam the bar and say, Give

me a couple of fingers of vodka.

You got it?

Smokey Calloway don't drink.

He's just bluffing.

He isn't going to drink, is he?

He's going to throw it in the villain's

face.

I don't think that he'd ever...

Well, don't think so much.

We wanted character motivations, we get Lawrence Olivier.

Now, come on, try it again, Stretch.

Now, look, folks, this is just plain silly.

You can't teach me to learn to act

overnight.

There's no such word as can't.

Mike, let's be sensible about this.

You're right, Stretch.

We can't make an actor out of you

in 48 hours.

Nobody could.

But with a little common sense, we might

get by.

Now, you're a very personable, attractive young man.

So don't try to act.

Just be yourself.

Let's do what you feel.

Now, remember that.

Just what you feel.

Mind if I try it again?

No, we're right ahead.

What he feels.

Ready, Mr. Calloway?

Yes, sir.

All right, roll.

Action.

Could I please have two fingers of rotgut?

Cut.

Mr. Calloway, you're supposed to pound the bar

and say, give me two fingers of rotgut.

Well, I know, sir, but I just don't

feel it that way.

Oh.

Well, maybe it's better your way.

All right, Ray, let's set up for the

fight scene.

Save the lights, boys.

I knew you liked this character.

Now he's changing the dialogue.

Same jerk he was ten years ago.

I used to give him handouts for booze.

Walks right by me today.

Doesn't even say hello.

Don't worry.

The boys are going to take care of

him.

But good.

Not going to loss up the test.

No, no.

He'll have a test all right.

But he'll know he's done a day's work.

Oh.

All right, now remember, Smokey.

It's one, two, jab.

One, two, duck.

Got it?

Yes, sir.

All right, let's see it.

That looks good.

Let's try one.

Roll.

Ready?

Yes, sir.

Action.

Cut.

Well, what happened?

He forgot to duck.

All right, let's try it again.

We're waiting, Mr. Calloway.

Yes, sir.

Action.

All right, boys.

What's the matter with you fellas today?

Well, I thought we moved this way.

Well, you don't.

Now let's try it again.

Mr. Calloway, we're waiting.

We've got a long day ahead of us.

Yes, sir.

First a nice hot bath.

Then when Mike gets back with the master,

you'll have a good rub.

Then we'll have dinner set up.

And then you'll...

Miss Patterson left a message.

They're running the test at noon.

You ought to take a cab to the

studio.

We're expecting you, Mr. Calloway.

Projection room six.

Thank you.

Cigarette?

Thanks.

You cut the Calloway test?

Yeah.

Nothing?

Murder.

I don't know what the guy had in

the old days, but whatever it was, it

must have gone that-a-way.

Real bad, huh?

Horrible.

Well, that's the beauty of television.

The cornier it is, the better the kids

like it.

In that case, he'll be a smash.

Could you see that Miss Patterson gets this,

please?

Yes, sir, I will.

Thank you.

I believe you're safe now, ma'am.

My grandfather and I will always be grateful.

All in a day's work, ma'am.

Well done.

You want an honest opinion?

Certainly.

Well, he's not one-tenth the actor he

used to be.

Timing's off.

He's awkward, dry, mechanical.

There's something new there.

A simplicity.

A naturalness that I, for one, find rather

refreshing.

Mike?

Oh, that's exactly the word, Mr. Lawson.

Refreshing.

Right, Debbie?

Oh, definitely.

And you, Martha?

Does he still seem an attractive young man?

Oh, no judge deal with me.

If he's young and a man, he's attractive.

Well, I'm satisfied.

He looks like himself, and that's the main

thing.

The acting will take care of itself.

Frankly, there's only one problem left with which

we're concerned.

The matter of accurately determining his sales potential.

Which, of course, requires a concentrated national build

-up.

We're ready for that, Mr. Lawson.

We're all set to go.

We've got a six-weeks tour lined up.

We'll hit every city with a major television

set-up.

We've got the top publicity office.

We'll have praise, rodeos, personal appearances.

At the same time, we start the merchandise

promotion.

The department stores and toy shops will be

flooded with Callaway equipment.

Hats, suits, pistols, boots.

Bubble gum.

Well, that sounds like a wonderful program.

I'd say go right ahead.

Get into action.

Huh?

I said get into action.

That's right, Mr. Lawson.

And the sooner the better.

Hey, Debbie?

Oh, by all means.

Now, don't worry about a thing, Mr. Lawson.

Patterson and Fry are in action.

We'll check with you later.

But it was good, Stretch.

Really quite good.

Yeah, a couple of places there, you really

chilled me.

Gave me goosebumps.

You're both very kind.

Well, I've been doing some thinking.

I've always been a thrifty person, but there's

some things that even I couldn't do just

for money.

Like what?

Well, I couldn't destroy the memory of a

man like Smokey Callaway.

But he wasn't exactly a...

A man who was a tower of virtue,

unparalleled in the annals of human kindness.

Who told you that?

Well, you did, sir.

I did?

Yes, Mike, you did.

Oh.

And, uh, Miss Deborah, I'd like you to

know especially that I appreciate your kindness and

consideration.

And, well, even though we just met, I

guess you're about the last person in the

world I want to hurt.

Thank you, Stretch.

Well, I guess I'd better be going.

Yeah, well, we'll drive you to the station.

Thank you, that's real friendly.

Oh, Stretch, I wonder if you'd mind doing

one last thing.

We've got plenty of time.

It's kind of a favor for Debbie.

She's a little shy about asking, but this

is something that's very dear to her heart.

It'll only take a minute just to drop

by and say hello to a couple of

Callaway fans.

Where about?

Uh, the Children's Memorial Hospital.

It'll just mean slipping into the Callaway outfit

once more and, well, it'll mean a great

deal to Debbie, wouldn't it, Debbie?

Won't it, ma'am?

Yes, quite a bit.

It'll be my pleasure.

Well, for the last time...

Whatever happened to your conscience?

I just had it washed.

I can't do a thing with it.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

I will be if this thing works out.

Anyway, the kids are loving it.

Now, let's see you try it, son.

I don't know how.

You don't know how?

Come here, let me show you, hmm?

Say, what's your name?

Tommy.

Well, now, Tommy, there's not much to throwing

a rope.

Now, if an old, broken-down cowpoke without

the brains of a flop-eared donkey can

do it, why, I reckon that a smart

little fellow like you ought to be able

to, right, Tommy?

Right, Smarty.

That's right.

Now, watch this.

Now, you just take it like that, and

you hold it nice and loose, see?

And then you just let her go, see?

And you drag her in like this, see?

Now, there's your sleigh all set and ready

for branding.

Right, Tommy?

Right, Smokey.

That's it.

Now, let's see the rest of you kids

try it, hmm?

The millions of kids just like them, Stretch.

You belong to them.

You're their Smokey.

You're not gonna let them down, are you?

You're not gonna walk out on those kids.

No, sir, I don't reckon I can.

Good boy.

So long, kids.

Bye, Smokey.

Goodbye.

Get me Michael Fry, care of Patterson and

Fry, Los Angeles.

Yeah?

It's Patterson on one.

Oh, thanks.

Be with you in a minute.

Debbie, how are you?

How's it going?

What?

Quit?

Yes, quit.

I'm coming home.

His name isn't Callaway.

It's Columbus.

He's rediscovering America.

And on foot.

Good angle.

Loves his country.

Get pictures.

Good for human interest.

I know I may sound abnormal, but I've

only got two feet, and I'd like to

keep them.

Well, get some art supports.

Oh, Mike, why don't I come home and

do the merchandising, and you come up here

and do the walking?

Oh, no.

One pair of flat feet and the firm's

enough.

Besides, one of these nights, Buffalo Bill might

want to hold hands.

It'd be a lot more fun with you

than with me.

I imagine.

Oh, my.

Way to say this, Mr. Fry.

Dynamite, a new innovation.

Smoking Callaway calendars.

Hand-painted.

They're beautiful.

This is supposed to be for kids.

They get fathers, haven't they?

Out.

Feels good.

Where'd you put him in?

A little old western remedy.

Used to find a mighty suit on that

for eight hours on horseback.

But you weren't on your feet.

No.

We just used a larger tub.

Guess I've been kind of thoughtless dragging you

around like this.

No, it's all right.

But you know, I just can't believe it's

all happened.

A month ago, I was a cowboy nobody

ever heard of.

Now I come into town, what, thousands of

kids come out just to see me ride

down the street.

How do you really feel about all this,

Stretch?

Well, most of the time, it's wonderful.

But there's times when I kind of feel

an uneasy light about him.

Smokey?

It's as if I was cheating him out

of what's rightly his.

Popularity, money.

Something else I feel I've taken away from

him, much worse.

Well, if he were alive, he'd be on

this trip sitting here with you, Debbie.

Today, every day, and every minute instead of

me.

That's an awful lot to take away from

any man.

I think it's time for dinner.

I had a very ordinary childhood.

We were always considered the poor relatives in

a fairly successful family.

Ever since I was so high, it was

drilled into me that nothing succeeds like success.

I guess the only thing I really believe

in is when you go to a bank,

nobody asks you how you got it.

What they want to know is, have you

got it?

Do I sound awful?

Oh, no.

Grandma used to say, have money can't buy

happiness, but it sure is the most pleasant

way of being miserable.

Grandma must have been wonderful.

She was.

You know, she would have liked you.

Why?

She liked everything that I liked.

Well, good night.

Mind if I say something?

What?

Well, I just want you to know that

this has been the nicest day of my

whole life.

Lovely, isn't it?

Yes, it's right pretty.

You know, I didn't sleep much last night.

I did a lot of thinking.

About us.

Those are the famous horseshoe falls over there.

You know, we've been together now for 28

straight days.

We've had 84 meals, not including midnight snacks.

You know, the way you like your coffee

and the way you don't like to talk

in the morning before breakfast.

Seeing you without makeup, dog tired.

And all the things that make you ornery,

the things that make you purr.

Stretch.

I guess what I'm trying to say, Debbie,

is I'm in love with you.

Stretch, you shouldn't be...

When I left the hotel this morning, I

stopped by a little jewelry store.

I didn't get a very expensive one.

But I couldn't.

You couldn't?

Well, I'm fond of you, Stretch.

I'm terribly fond of you, but I...

Well, I don't expect you to be head

over heels in love with me yet.

But, well, you just take it and keep

it, hmm?

No, no, you just keep it.

And don't worry, even if you lose it.

Figured you might.

That's the reason I bought an inexpensive one.

But it's just...

Now, just keep it for now.

And if ever you feel different, well, just

put it on, and I'll know.

He's dead serious, Mike.

He even bought a ring.

I tell you, we've got a problem.

Honey, the only problem we've got is how

to cart the money to the bank.

So help me, I never knew there were

so many places you could stick a man's

face.

Mike, please.

I don't want to hurt him.

What'll I do?

Keep him on the hook.

You know how to handle a long drink

of water like that.

Just don't get thirsty.

Mike.

Now, stop worrying, Deb.

I talked to Laurison this morning, and they're

turning handsprings about the way the tour's going.

The contracts are all drawn up, and...

Come in.

I want you to call Laurison after the

parade tomorrow, and...

Hiya.

Honey, who do you think just walked in?

Our old friend?

I'll...

I'll call you back.

Mike, Mike.

This is Smokey, Mr. Fry.

Smokey Calloway.

Signed, sealed, and delivered, as you might say.

Smokey, shake hands with Mr. Fry.

Hiya, pal.

Say, I understand you've been doing a great

job.

Keep it up, and I'll take care of

you, you know.

Just ask anybody.

Calloway always takes care of his pals.

That's right, Mr. Fry.

Loyal as a sheepdog, as one might say.

Does anybody know about this?

Why, of course not.

What do you think I am?

I think you're a worm, a slimy, double

-crossing worm.

Why didn't you...

Hey, easy, pal.

You don't have to worry, Mr. Fry.

This is the new Smokey.

He's off the stuff.

He hasn't touched a drop in six months.

That's right, pal.

Six months.

Yeah, except for medicinal purposes.

Yeah, what's this, penicillin?

Hey, now, look.

I don't want any trouble with you or

anybody else.

I came up here to go to work,

so let's get going.

Work?

What makes you think you can work?

Look at yourself.

Hand-shaking, pasty face.

We're making cowboy pictures, not ghost stories.

Ah, relax, chum.

I didn't come six times.

Listen, you drunken crawler.

Why, you listen to me!

Ah, easy, Smokey.

I'm here, and I'm taking over.

I don't need any doubles to play the

part or cast the checks.

Now, you'll either do it my way, or

I'll bust your bubble so wide open you'll

all wind up in the clink.

He means it, kid.

How bad is he?

Bad.

How much does he drink?

A pint, a quarter day?

Drink?

He spills a quarter day.

All right.

I know a place where we can try

to get you in shape.

Will you work?

Sure.

It'll be tough.

You'll have to train like a fighter.

All right, all right.

No booze, no dames, no fancy parties.

Yeah.

Or anything else.

What else is it?

Hey, this kid really looks like me, doesn't

he?

Yeah.

Where is he now?

He's on his way to New York to

make you a big man.

Well, thanks, sucker.

Thanks for everything.

Hey, guys

and kids, you'll all get your turn.

Mr. Calloway.

Yes, and would you like an autograph too,

ma'am?

No, just an answer, Mr. Calloway.

An answer to a simple question.

Yes, ma'am.

I'd like to know why it is that

a man who's earned a fortune from the

hero worship of children has never lifted his

finger to help the youngsters who really need

it.

I'm talking about the children I work with

in charity wards and clinics.

Poor kids who can't afford to buy your

gadgets and fancy little trinkets.

You could do a great deal for these

children.

But I don't suppose that ever occurred to

the great Smokey Calloway because there's no profit

in it.

Except maybe the profit of knowing that you've

done something really decent.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I'm really sorry.

I have a message here that Los Angeles

called.

Will you put the call through, please?

Thank you.

Stretch.

Stretch, you mustn't be upset by what that

woman said.

You're a public figure now.

These things will happen all the time.

Even so, what the lady said is true.

Now stretch.

I wonder what Smokey would do if he

was here.

Man with a heart that big.

Well, that's beside the point.

I reckon he'd say all I got to

owe to those kids.

And if some of them are in want,

there ought to be something that I could

do about it.

Well, that's very sweet, but...

How much money I got?

Why?

How much?

Oh, I don't know.

The way the royalties are coming in, possibly

100,000, maybe double that by the end

of the year.

A number cent of it coming from those

kids.

Hello?

Hello, Mike.

How are you?

What?

That's what I said.

He's here in person.

Smokey Calloway or what's left of him.

That's impossible.

I don't understand.

I've got him out of Johnny Torento's health

farm.

They're working on him right now.

Now, here's what I want you to do.

Can you talk?

No, just a minute.

Anything wrong, dear?

It's just a personal matter.

Well, I want to change and take a

walk and think things over.

You do that.

Mike, what are we going to do?

We're stuck.

We're going to have to make the switch.

You get Stretch back here right away.

I'll work on the drunk.

And as soon as he's able to get

on a horse and stay on, he takes

over and Stretch goes back to Duck Falls.

But, Mike, it'll break his heart.

What am I going to tell him?

Tell him nothing.

We still need him.

Larson will be out here next week with

the contract.

Smokey will never be in shape by then

and we need Stretch to sign those papers.

It's dirty, Mike.

Sure, it's dirty.

I don't like it any better than you

do, Deb.

But play along, will you?

It's only for a week.

I don't like it, Mike.

I know, Deb.

I'll do my best.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Hiya, pal.

Hi.

Hi, Mike.

Well, how's he doing?

Doing great, Mike, great.

Okay, Smokey, hit that well again.

Do I have to?

Yeah, and on the double.

There's nothing like that well water to tone

up a guy's insides.

I'll be waiting for you Where the tumbleweed

is blue Where you'll find life is...

How's he really doing, Johnny?

I ain't never seen a guy like this.

Even when I know he's cold sober, he

acts like he's loaded.

Think you can get him in shape by

next week?

It'll take a miracle.

Hey, don't you worry about Smokey.

He'll knock himself out for you.

And why shouldn't he?

Haven't you heard?

He's going to be a rich man.

Yeah.

I must confess, Mr. Calloway, it's a staggering

notion.

You're sure you want to give away your

entire income?

I just want enough to get by on.

That is, for me and maybe a wife.

The rest goes to the kids.

I see.

Well, we can set up an irrevocable trust.

Of course, that means that you can never

touch the money again.

Well, that's the way I want it.

Mr. Calloway, may I ask why you're setting

up this foundation?

Well, I'm doing it for a friend of

mine.

I reckon it's what he bought.

I see.

Just where is the money to go?

Oh, well, I have it all down here,

sir.

Child Welfare Association.

National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis and so forth.

Very good.

Mr. Barnard, how long will it take to

make this legal?

About a week.

We'll have our man on the coast contact

you.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, say, how much is this going to

cost?

There isn't any fee.

Oh, but I...

I'd like it to be the first contribution

to the Smokey Calloway Foundation.

Thank you, sir.

That's real friendly.

Hi.

These are for you.

Stretch.

Stretch.

There's something I want to tell you.

There's been a slight change in our plans.

There's been a little change in mine, too.

Mr. Laurison's bringing the contracts to the coast

next week.

Let me tell you first.

Stretch.

You know, when I left here, I felt

just awful.

I was mixed up and I couldn't get

that woman out of my mind.

For miles all around the east side watching

those poor little kids playing in the streets

Then I thought about those sick little kids

that we've seen in hospitals all around the

country and how much these kids mean to

you Debbie Suddenly I had the answer.

I knew what I had to do and

I went and did it You did what

I found me a lawyer and I set

up the smoky Calloway foundation the smoky Calloway

foundation Every penny that's coming in going out

the kids that need help Except a little

for me and why you can't give that

money away.

Not now.

You haven't the right.

Why not?

Well, it wouldn't be right Because it wouldn't

their institution set up to take care of

children.

They don't need your interference I just felt

we'll stop feeling and stop thinking the tour

is over We're going back to California and

you're going to get these crazy You have

baked ideas out of your head and realize

that this is business big business Please stop

talking just don't talk so much He

must be getting liquor somewhere I swear the

man hasn't had a drink since he got

here we've been watching like a hawk I

Must be auto intoxication is the only guy

I've ever seen gets drunk and fresh air

and sunshine That's because you all shoot bad

people and protect the good people don't you

smoke don't you that's right, sonny It's time

for bed Shame they spoiled your dinner.

Well, that's all right.

I'm not hungry and I'm much appetizers.

I left, New York I'm not a lonesome

to you kept yourself in your room.

So I guess I'm just tired stretch Tired

of hotels tired of trains tired of cowboy

Just tired Thought maybe tonight we could kind

of go back to the club car and

talk a little bit I'm sorry stretch not

tonight Debbie I Kind of thinking over that

foundation idea Decided to give it up.

It's just plain silly.

I it's not silly.

It's just not practical It was a lovely

idea and in my book.

I took a pretty wonderful guy to think

of it No matter what happens try to

remember that Thank you All right All

right, boys sleeping Suits fit like a dog

Got his hair cut cut trimmed and touched

up.

The guy looks terrific How's it today Johnny

boss, I can't figure this guy he looks

like he's drunk he smells like he's drunk

I'm with him night and day and a

guarantee ain't had a drop same thing I'll

stick with it Johnny.

We're running out of time.

I won't take my eyes off He's in

the pink Mike in the pink.

Believe me.

You've got nothing to worry about Nothing to

worry about but I tell you the guy's

gonna be hey Johnny.

It's cold.

He'll give me a blank or something I

don't like it Mike.

He's a decent honorable man, and I won't

let him sign that contract without telling him

the truth He's got to sign it.

Why can't the real smokey sign?

I've told you he's got hands like this

put a pen in him He's liable to

stab somebody.

I thought you were sobering him up now.

We found somebody's been sneaking him liquor He's

been stashing it away down the well behind

trees and liniment bottles Try to see if

he could sign his name yesterday.

He had martinis in the ink well Just

tell me one thing.

When can I tell stretch the truth the

minute smokies in shape till then we've got

to use stretch Things keep popping up all

the time like tomorrow at the Coliseum.

What's that?

That's a big thing start a national boys

week the mayor's office called last night 90

,000 kids three networks for governors They want

smoky Calloway as guest of honor Oh, what

am I gonna do let that drunk stagger

in there and breathe on for governors in

five minutes.

He'd bring back prohibition Yes, mr.

Larson just called they're waiting for you Well,

all right.

Let's pick up stretch go sign the contract

Tell him we'll be right over Congratulations, okay

This is a great day for North American

corn products, but a greater day still for

the children of America.

Thanks, sir I'll try and keep it that

way.

Oh, just a moment.

I'd like one of the four of us.

All right, sir, Mike Debbie.

I Don't make any plans for tonight.

I've arranged a little celebration party at the

Somerset Club.

Oh fine.

Oh Really?

I don't think I'm up to it.

Oh, please step.

I'd like way to go.

All right, Smokey It's your party, okay, hold

it you know, it's too bad Martha is here but

that band playing up there and this big

handsome cowboy here I'm sure she'd be up

there dancing Why don't you fill in for

her Deborah?

Would you care to dance man?

Well if you'd like to I'm very sorry.

Oh, I don't worry about it.

That's all right.

It's all my fault.

I guess I better go get slicked up

Think I need a little freshening up.

Yes, mr.

Cowboy.

Just let me tell you Well, you two

certainly done a remarkable job of that fellow.

That was nothing really Hello, oh yes, mr.

Markham Well, that's fine, what do you mean

fine I tell you the guy blew out

of here Yes someday picks him up in

a car.

He puts on his cowboy suit It locks

me in a closet and he's out loose

on a town someplace.

Fine.

I'll I'll take care of it.

Goodbye Georgie yes, it seems his friend left

rather unexpectedly He's on his way into town

Coming to town Mr. Larsen you were saying

about smoking.

Oh, yes.

Well, it's amazing the way that fellas caught

on How many people do you expect at

the Coliseum tomorrow 90,000 mostly children Fine

tribute to a fine man How he's lifted

himself by his moral bootstraps how he's changed

from a disreputable drunk into a decent wholesome

Respectable citizen.

Oh, believe me.

We'll never see another smoky calorie Would you

pardon me?

I have to make a phone call.

Well, the phones right here.

Well, it's long distance to double bourbon straight

Hey, sir, didn't have to she came around

with Well, but ain't my old pal Mikey

I want you to shake hands with Marie

she insisted upon my coming Yes, I know

now look smoke.

You're getting out of here right now.

Can you two sister if you can stay

in the fresh air?

And I'll wait a minute pal.

What do you think you're talking to?

This is the lady seeing she's with me

and I'm your boss All right, just be

a good fella and get out of here

now with you for your old pal Mikey

No, I won't get out of here from

old pal Mikey Just stay here.

Don't move.

Just sit tight and shut up You're gonna

let him talk to you like that some

big shot.

You are I'm gonna push you around like

that The stretcher we have to go home.

Well, Debbie doesn't feel well.

She's got a bad head.

Oh You remind me of a little girl

in South America.

I'm gonna name it C seniors.

She had a sister too Beautiful girl, you

know, and I used to sit under a

palm tree She had a sister with me.

Hey, wait, there's a guy Calloway, my little

boy just loves pictures.

He stays glued to the television system, right?

Don't worry about a thing.

Mr. Lawson Patterson and Friar in action.

Good night.

Good night.

I miss Larson your car We'll be here

in a minute.

Mr. Price.

Hello.

We'll get it ourselves.

Thanks Oh Hey, where are they?

Where'd they go?

Why mr.

Calloway?

Oh, why are they where they go?

Why you were just with him, sir You

went to the parking lot.

Oh parking lot That's where I don't know

what all the hurry is just get in

that's all hey Mike, all right Hey My

wait a minute.

Where are you going?

Let's think about time a little friend and

I got to know each other What are

their cowboy?

Yes, I know a guy's done me a

favor Stretch this can be explained, but you

said he was dead.

Well, you see stretch we Don't let him

kid you cowboy.

I'm alive alive and kicking and ready to

take over It's smart friends there.

Let you hang around long enough to sign

a contract But don't get any ideas about

cutting in and anything.

That's a not smoking.

Let him finish you'll get yours kid Let's

be a good little boy and try it

on back where you come from you'll get

yours Oh Smoking never gets pal Tell him

like you I said that's enough forgets Stretch

If you let me explain, uh, it's all

pretty clear.

You just got one Calloway too many Stretch

you just got to listen.

You better tell him ma'am.

I reckon he's got more use for it

than I have Yes,

yes, I'm still on but did you tell

him it was miss Patterson, oh I see

Well, I wonder if you'd leave a message

for mr.

Calloway Just tell him that miss Patterson called

to say goodbye and that she's very sorry.

Thank you.

I'll talk to you Well, just tell me

one thing who's gonna ride out there on

a horse this afternoon not smoky.

He couldn't ride a cocker spaniel What are

we gonna do?

All right, I don't care I'll see you

later I just want you to know that

Debbie and I are sorry about the way

things worked out stretch I was as much

a blame for everything as she was probably

more Can't blame you folks might And if

I hadn't meant so greedy, I reckon I

wouldn't got into this in the first place.

No hard feelings.

No, no hard feelings.

Wow So long stretch.

Oh my Sure, I can't drive you to

the station or anything.

No, no, thanks Don't say stretch.

There's just one little thing We're in kind

of a spot on this Coliseum deal We

kind of thought that well with the governor

being out there and all and the smoke

is still in bad shape We kind of

thought that if you could put the Calloway

outfit on once more and ride out there

this afternoon But I mean if it's a

matter of money say for that ranch of

yours, there's $5,000 in it for you

Mike you better get out of here Okay

stretch I would just try him so long

Yes, mr.

Calloway, yes, my name is Atkins West Coast

representative of Bonner Kiefer and Smith Staffs been

working all night on the papers I put

a rash on it when I read about

your appearance at the Coliseum this afternoon On

the papers what papers for the smoky Calloway

foundation.

Oh Naturally, we assumed you'd use this occasion

to announce it seemed a logical and dramatic

moment I mean with the big press coverage,

wait a minute Now let me get this

straight If I sign those papers, does that

mean that nobody can touch a cent of

that money?

Not even me?

That's right Come right in.

Please the mayor's office called again.

They want to know where's mr.

Calloway.

No, we can't stall him any longer What

are we going to tell him?

What about the truth?

Oh, that's too primitive Marv call him back.

Tell him Calloway can't make it.

He fell off his horse.

He broke his arm.

He broke his leg He broke his what?

Hello stretch What?

Hey, that's wonderful.

He's going to do it.

Never mind that call mark What stretch sure

the five thousand still goes Make it out

to who?

Wait a minute.

Yeah Yeah, fine.

Now we have to be at the Coliseum

at two o'clock.

I'll pick you up Right, well, what do

you know we're in hey, what's a smoky

Calloway foundation?

We got a girdle tire the smoky Calloway

foundation That's what he wants a check made

out to What's so funny so beautiful they're

not going to get a dime Giving it

all away giving it away.

I mean what a way your money every

penny you set up a trust What are

you talking about?

Calloway foundation every dime that comes in goes

to charity and he's gonna ride out there

and tell the whole world about it in

front Of four governors and three networks.

Let's see you get out of that one

Yes, huh?

I'll see you later Debbie will you tell

me something?

Why did we ever get into this mess

because we're a couple of schmoes who do

anything for a buck?

That must be the reason well you stick

tight.

I'll handle this All

I want is five minutes.

Well, don't you come in and don't let

anybody else in.

Yeah, I got you smoke Inside Rockefeller we

got some talking to do Reckon not I

got an appointment.

You're not keeping it.

Now.

Look, mr.

Calloway.

Listen, you saddle happy stalker What makes you

think I'm gonna stand by and watch you

give away my money?

Maybe if you understood this foundation you'd feel

different The means of kids in this country.

You're some kind of a god.

Mr. Calloway.

Is that so?

Now a lot of these little fellas are

sickly and poor and they need to be

taken care of Look, there's only one little

fella.

I'm taking care of this little fella.

I wish you hadn't said that.

Mr Calloway, but now I'm gonna have to

make you take care of them little kids

whether you want to or not You're asking

for trouble cowboy Why don't mind trouble?

Mr. Calloway.

In fact, I've been having quite a bit

of it since I've been wearing your face

People have looked down the nose at me.

Call me a fake and a phony Hmm.

I've even been socked a couple of times.

Well, let's make it three I Thought

in the face Haven't I been your

friend what happened to all my friends?

I Took care of my smoky.

Yeah, what'd you get him with that with

a left?

No, it was a ride like this Don't

be silly.

I've got a little punch like that I

Call a steam and hurry Look honey, I

gotta have yeah That's right.

Two seats on a one o'clock plane

Don't worry.

We'll make it All right, honey.

Check it and hurry.

Where are you going back where I came

from?

But I need a brain so when I

come up here in the first place, but

you've got to stay what for the chumps

Giving all the dough away.

What's left for smoky and me?

You think I'm gonna beat my brains out

making horse offers for nothing but stretches going

back to Duck Falls If you run out,

we won't have any smoky Calloway.

It's too bad.

Oh, no.

All right, honey We'll take off the airport.

Come on George.

You see senor was waiting and so's her

sister You think her sister like me?

She likes fried snails.

She ought to love you Operator this mr.

Fry, would you get my car, please?

Debbie what are you doing here?

I came to say goodbye Someone I like

well, you can save your breath.

He's not going anywhere smoky.

Just took a potter He's going back to

South America when stretch rise out there to

set up that foundation.

He's hooked.

You'll have to carry it through There's no

one left to do it for him.

What if we tell him the truth?

Maybe you won't want to ride out there.

Maybe you'll just want to go home.

Oh fine.

I'm Patterson and prior out of business What

do you want to do Mike Whatever you

think it might Stretch stretch wait There's still

something you've got to know smoky's gone quit

on his way to South America You can

still go back to Duck Falls in your

ranch But if you ride out there and

make that speech you're stuck You've got to

go on being smoky Calloway as long as

the kids will have you and you'll get

nothing out of it No money, no privacy.

No rest nothing at all except a lot

of hard work The gratitude of several million

children That's all you'll have waiting for you

stretch This That is if you don't mind

You know in these cowboy pictures the hero

ain't supposed to kiss a girl.

It's an unwritten law Reckon we could break

it just one Mr. Cowboy, you're on

It's wonderful dude, why didn't I think of

that smoky Calloway engagement rings, it's great idea

Where'd he go lady?

Where's mr.

Cowboy? Callaway

What that away?

This Movie was made in spirit of fun. and for contributions of western idols of our American youth.

Transcription and translation (AI) by Kasamaruti/GM AGO 2025