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Good evening.
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You should have seen the one that got
away.
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The only one I've ever seen with gold
Lamy scales.
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I'm sure all of you are interested in
the details of this catch.
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It's really a matter of finding the
proper bait.
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I soon learned that these little
creatures can tell cheap costume jewelry
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sight and won't come near it.
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you must bait your hook with the real
article.
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And sometimes they make off with the
bait before you can reel them in.
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00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:08,590
However, that's a situation with which
most of you men are already familiar.
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Tonight's fable is entitled The Last
Escape.
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But first, something from which there is
no escape.
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Ready, Mr.
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Ferlini. Ready!
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Here, let me help you.
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No, Tommy, not now.
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They liked your husband and I, didn't
they?
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It's that kind of crowd.
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They'll like you, too.
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Thanks.
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Tommy, I didn't mean that.
22
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You know what I feel about you.
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I mean about your singing.
24
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Is that all you mean? Just my singing?
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Tommy, please.
26
00:03:09,121 --> 00:03:12,889
It's all right. He's in a stressing
room. It's not all right. I've told you
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that. It's never all right when he's
around.
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Look, when am I going to see you alone?
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Please. You've got to give me an answer.
I've got to go.
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00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,350
Hi, honey.
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Oh, it was great tonight. Just great.
What do you say?
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It was the greatest.
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I could have gotten out of steel boxes
tonight. That's how good I felt.
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Hey, did you get a load of that little
guy who put me in the straitjacket?
35
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He thought he was going to make it real
tough on me.
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You see how it was holding on those
straps?
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Those little guys, they're the worst.
38
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,560
It's a pleasure to fool them.
39
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,700
Would you look at that?
40
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,850
Look at that, honey.
41
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,820
Would anybody take me for 46 years of
age? What do you say?
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You're a Greek god.
43
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Speaking of Greeks, I've been invited
out to dinner tonight.
44
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,130
Harry's buying.
45
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,400
Not Harry.
46
00:04:06,060 --> 00:04:07,780
He spoils my appetite.
47
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To hear him talk, you'd think the estate
business was dead.
48
00:04:11,411 --> 00:04:13,839
Well, he should have been out there
tonight.
49
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He's no different.
50
00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:18,750
Well, he booked into this joint. He
ought to know whether it's dead or not.
51
00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:23,879
And, uh, listen, Joe, tonight I'm with
Harry. I don't want to hear any more of
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that water business. You understand? I'm
sick of hearing about it.
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00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,300
Ah, you're getting old, Rhonda. That's
your trouble.
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That water trick's the best idea I ever
had. It's going to make me a headliner.
55
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,240
Yeah, don't you talk to me about age.
56
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,300
You know, kid yourself, Joe.
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A trick like that water trick might
prove too much for you.
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No kid, huh?
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00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:47,950
I see ten new wrinkles on your face in
the last week, sugar.
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00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,830
You look at yourself lately?
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00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:52,970
Go on, take a look.
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Here, use a mirror.
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00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,150
I'll go look at yourself.
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00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:02,610
Go on, take a look.
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00:05:02,611 --> 00:05:04,309
Stop it, Joe.
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00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:08,089
Who you calling an old man, huh? I'm
younger than you, I understand, because
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00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,129
keep in shape.
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00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,450
Don't you go calling me a...
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Not everybody.
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Ah, shut up. Get dressed.
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I know Houdini's dead.
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00:05:57,810 --> 00:05:58,930
Only I'm alive.
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00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:01,630
Me, Joe Fellini.
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00:06:01,631 --> 00:06:05,429
That's one thing about you, Joe. You
never had any trouble with any false
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modesty.
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00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,650
What could Houdini do that I can't?
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I work with ropes, chains, irons. I can
get out anything.
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00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,970
Sacks, bags, hampers, trunks.
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00:06:19,450 --> 00:06:21,130
I can do all the handcuff routines.
80
00:06:21,430 --> 00:06:24,740
And I still do the fastest straight
jacket escape in the business.
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00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:28,830
Besides, you know, Houdini used to use a
lot of trick stuff.
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00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:30,630
And you don't?
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Sure, sometimes.
84
00:06:33,830 --> 00:06:36,530
I got my skeleton keys, phony bolts, all
that junk.
85
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:41,490
But you know, Harry, I do most of my
tricks with muscles, right? Sure, sure,
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Joe. You're the greatest.
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00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:44,040
I keep in shape.
88
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Ask Wanda here.
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I work out an hour a day with the
barbells. I still got great chest
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00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:51,750
I can do that water trick. It'll be the
greatest.
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00:06:51,751 --> 00:06:54,459
But it's been done, Joe. That's what
I've been trying to tell you.
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00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:57,410
People don't get excited about that kind
of stuff anymore.
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00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:58,720
You drink too much, Harry.
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00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,200
Your brain's soft.
95
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,850
Sure, that trick's been done, but that
was years ago.
96
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,020
There's a whole new generation today.
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00:07:06,021 --> 00:07:09,719
All you gotta do is handle that
publicity right now and be a sensation.
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00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,860
Harry, what do you say?
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00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,440
Okay. How do you want to work the act?
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00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,910
I expand, they tie me. I relax, the rope
falls off.
101
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,690
I got a skeleton key in the seam of the
pants.
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00:07:29,910 --> 00:07:34,270
Soon as I get the handcuffs off, I reach
into the pants, get out a razor blade,
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cut myself out of the sack, get out of
the false bottom of the trunk, and go to
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the surface of the lake like a cork.
It's a cinch.
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00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:46,169
Yeah? How good a swimmer are you? The
greatest. You don't have to worry about
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that. When I was a kid, I was gonna swim
the English Channel.
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That's how good I was.
108
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:56,379
Well, we could put you over in a
motorboat, pick you up the same way.
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lessen the risk. That'd be easy.
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I know you'd see it.
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00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:00,620
Well, I don't see it.
112
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,490
Sounds to me like a ticket to the
graveyard.
113
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:08,780
Why, you're wrong, honey. This is a
ticket to the big time. Right, Harry?
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00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,520
Maybe. We'll have to see.
115
00:08:12,811 --> 00:08:19,859
Tell me, what are you doing here? Wanda,
I had to see you. I thought I told you.
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I know Joe isn't here.
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00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:22,890
I saw him swimming in the lake.
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00:08:30,070 --> 00:08:33,800
What's all this swimming about anyway?
He's taking it awfully seriously.
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He's getting in shape.
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He's going for a long swim.
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What?
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00:08:40,330 --> 00:08:41,770
Tommy, you shouldn't be here.
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00:08:42,169 --> 00:08:44,219
You don't want any trouble, neither do
I.
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I didn't come here for trouble.
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What did you come here for?
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I didn't think I had to tell you.
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00:09:08,060 --> 00:09:09,560
Wanda, you've got to leave him.
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00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,460
It's getting worse all the time.
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00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,080
You don't know what it's like.
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00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:32,810
Every year.
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00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:34,350
Every day.
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All he thinks about, night and day, is
the act.
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Escape, escape, escape.
134
00:09:42,340 --> 00:09:44,870
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy,
Tommy. I mean it.
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00:09:44,871 --> 00:09:51,379
When we were in Louisville last year, I
went to a head shrinker for a while. Do
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00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:52,430
you know that?
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Three months it was.
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00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,200
And he got that job in Vegas.
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00:09:57,780 --> 00:09:58,920
That was the end of that.
140
00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:04,420
Ask me, he's the one that's crazy
treating you the way he does?
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00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,760
No, he thinks about escaping his sleep
sometimes.
142
00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:09,680
No kidding.
143
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:14,700
Sometimes, in the middle of the night,
he throws off the covers and takes a
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Would you do me a favor?
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00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,550
Certainly.
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00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,380
Would you put these on?
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00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,450
Please.
148
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:02,780
Now try and get loose.
149
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:13,890
Of course you can't.
150
00:11:14,930 --> 00:11:15,980
Neither could Joe.
151
00:11:21,570 --> 00:11:23,920
If he didn't have this hidden on him
someplace.
152
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:28,620
Now try it.
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00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,660
The key.
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00:11:34,950 --> 00:11:36,050
It won't turn.
155
00:11:36,370 --> 00:11:37,450
No, of course it won't.
156
00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:40,850
It's the wrong key.
157
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:45,800
This is the right one.
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00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:04,270
You know that water trick he does where
he gets thrown into the lake?
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00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:06,540
Yes.
160
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:12,070
Well, he's going to do it in a couple of
weeks.
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00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,340
That's what he's practicing for now.
162
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:24,539
And you know what I've been hoping and
praying for ever since he decided to do
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it.
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00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:34,720
You better go now.
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00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,980
In case he comes back.
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00:13:04,091 --> 00:13:06,069
everything's all set?
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00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:07,690
I don't want anything to go wrong.
168
00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:09,070
I'm always all set.
169
00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:10,930
You sure you feel okay, huh?
170
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,320
Never better.
171
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,800
How about a little kiss, honey, for good
luck?
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00:13:22,430 --> 00:13:23,480
Yeah, should you?
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00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,950
Chief Wallace, I'd like you to meet the
great Verdeen.
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00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,370
Verdeen?
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00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,070
This is Mr. Ralph Crimmins, president of
the local chamber of commerce.
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00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:49,040
Frank Petty of the Tribune.
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00:13:50,020 --> 00:13:53,030
And you've already met our motorboat
pilot, Mr. Dave Brooks.
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00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,610
Well, let's get started. It's a bit
warm, and I'm ready for a dip.
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00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,170
Chief Wallace, do you have the
handcuffs?
180
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:02,540
Yes, I have them right here.
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00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:06,199
Now, Chief Wallace, you've examined
these handcuffs. Are you sure they're
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00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,540
genuine? Oh, they're genuine, all right.
183
00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:10,850
Then will you place them on, please?
184
00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:19,750
May we have the rope, please?
185
00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:25,309
Now, will you gentlemen tie this rope
around the body of the great Fellini and
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00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:27,230
make as many knots as you wish?
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00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:31,850
I warn you, Mr. Fellini, I used to be a
boy scout.
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00:14:56,970 --> 00:14:59,910
Now, Mrs. Perlini, may I have the sack,
please?
189
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:14,930
Now, will you gentlemen lift the great
Perlini onto the sack, please?
190
00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:24,069
Now, pull the sack up over his head and
fasten
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00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:25,120
the top securely.
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00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:41,740
And now, we have the trunk.
193
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:47,039
Now, you gentlemen have examined this
trunk and tested its locks. Is that
194
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:51,440
correct? The lock is okay, but why do
you have all these holes in the trunk?
195
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,660
A good question. The holes are there to
make the trunk sink faster.
196
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:58,810
Satisfied?
197
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:04,020
Okay. All right, then. Will you
gentlemen lift the great Fellini into
198
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,150
please?
199
00:16:17,949 --> 00:16:18,999
Chief Wallace?
200
00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:25,360
Chief Wallace?
201
00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:28,590
Will you secure the lock, please?
202
00:16:30,021 --> 00:16:37,549
Well, now, are you gentlemen satisfied
that the great Ferlini is securely
203
00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:38,489
in this trunk?
204
00:16:38,490 --> 00:16:39,540
We are.
205
00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:42,780
Then we are ready to put him aboard the
motorboat.
206
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:44,790
Give us a hand, Dave. Sure thing.
207
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,560
Sure hope they know what they're doing.
208
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,360
This all right, Mr. Miller?
209
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:37,820
Yes, this will do fine.
210
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:42,950
All right, Dave.
211
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,060
Let's get this trunk overboard.
212
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,350
Yes, sir.
213
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,210
There he goes.
214
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,640
He's not coming up, Mr. Miller.
215
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:19,570
Gotta come up.
216
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:23,310
He's got to.
217
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,440
He's not coming up.
218
00:19:13,830 --> 00:19:20,609
Dear friends, we are gathered here today
to consign the mortal remains of Joseph
219
00:19:20,610 --> 00:19:24,830
Martin Fellini to the earth which bore
him.
220
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:31,509
Who can say that Joseph Fellini, in his
last moment of earthly glory, was not
221
00:19:31,510 --> 00:19:38,289
happy in this choice which was made for
him by the almighty arbiter of life
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00:19:38,290 --> 00:19:39,390
and death?
223
00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:41,330
Is this the Fellini funeral?
224
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:46,539
Why, yes, but... I'm sorry to break this
up, Reverend, but I'm from the county
225
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:47,590
coroner's office.
226
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:52,239
I'm afraid the funeral services can't
continue. We have orders to attach the
227
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:56,080
body of Joseph Fellini. But surely...
What's the matter?
228
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:57,350
Something wrong?
229
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,900
I'm sorry, ma 'am. Are you Mrs. Fellini?
230
00:20:00,180 --> 00:20:04,399
Yes. But we have a court order to attach
your husband's body. The coroner wanted
231
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,979
me to make a further examination.
232
00:20:05,980 --> 00:20:08,100
I'm afraid I'll have to open the coffin.
233
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:10,550
Open the coffin?
234
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,720
Yes, at the caretaker's cottage.
235
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,640
We'll make the examination there.
236
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,660
Would you gentlemen please pick up the
coffin and follow me?
237
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,410
Thank you, gentlemen. I'll call you when
I need you.
238
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,580
I'm sorry, you must go too.
239
00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:11,740
you gotta understand how it is in my
business.
240
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,670
Everything is showmanship.
241
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:14,980
Everything.
242
00:21:15,250 --> 00:21:17,540
And that's why Ferlini made this deal
with me.
243
00:21:17,850 --> 00:21:20,190
And just what was this deal, Mr. Miller?
244
00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:22,910
Well, nobody knew about it but him and
me.
245
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,750
It was crazy, I told him that.
246
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:29,789
But he made me promise him that if
anything ever happened to him, if he
247
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,850
die, that I would arrange a last escape.
248
00:21:33,450 --> 00:21:37,000
Something that would make him be
remembered longer even than Houdini.
249
00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:38,730
And that's all it was, a trick.
250
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:40,930
A trick?
251
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:47,099
Well, I slipped the undertaker 50 bucks,
and he arranged to have him buried
252
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:48,150
someplace secretly.
253
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,080
Then he put an empty coffin under the
hearse.
254
00:21:51,081 --> 00:21:54,679
And that guy from the coroner's office,
he was a phony, too. Just an actor I
255
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,730
hired.
256
00:21:55,740 --> 00:21:56,790
See what I mean?
257
00:21:58,060 --> 00:21:59,110
Showmanship.
258
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,070
I see.
259
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:06,620
But I'm afraid that your showmanship has
had quite an effect on Mrs.
260
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,080
Fellini. That's the unfortunate part.
261
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,330
Yeah.
262
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:14,330
Well, I feel pretty rotten about that,
Doctor.
263
00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:16,910
Can I see her?
264
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,790
I'm sorry, Mr. Menon, but that's
impossible right now.
265
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,380
Yeah, well, I understand.
266
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:28,760
Well, remember, Doctor, if there's
anything I can do... Thank you, Mr.
267
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,250
Thank you.
268
00:23:00,389 --> 00:23:04,410
Mrs. Fellini, I really would try and
rest if I were you.
269
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:32,639
You must remember that things are always
much better than they seem, that this
270
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:39,259
is the best of all possible worlds, that
every cloud has a silver lining, and
271
00:23:39,260 --> 00:23:41,900
that it is darkest just before the dawn.
272
00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:48,239
I tell you this not because of what you
have just experienced, but for what you
273
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,320
are about to see.
274
00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:54,720
I suppose you're wondering what became
of my catch.
275
00:23:55,760 --> 00:24:01,079
The game warden insisted I throw her
back in because her measurements didn't
276
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,160
meet specifications.
277
00:24:02,780 --> 00:24:08,140
In order to keep them, they must be
larger than 36, 22, 15.
278
00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:13,179
And of course, it's quite difficult
knowing precisely where to take that
279
00:24:13,180 --> 00:24:14,230
measurement.
280
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:18,540
Next week I shall be back, so let us
hope I have some more luck in the
281
00:24:18,980 --> 00:24:21,160
Until then, good night.
282
00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:25,760
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