Original subtitles

Well, well, you should all be ashamed of yourself lounging around while your

mother and I slave over your dirty laundry.

I just carried it upstairs, but still.

Hey, Rory, your mom wanted me to tell you she's never cleaning your bathroom

again. She cleans my bathroom? Yeah, mainly for the gratitude.

And she wants you to clean it tonight.

No way, my science class study group's coming over tonight. Good, you can study

what's growing on the floor on your toilet.

Carrie never cleaned the attic like she was supposed to. Oh, don't drag me into

this. And I'm not cleaning any stupid attic, and you can't make me.

Okay, people.

How many times do I have to tell you to empty out your pockets before you put

your clothes in the wash?

I always do. I always do that.

Well, then explain the 78 cents at the bottom of the dryer. It's mine.

Hey,

I'll flip you for it.

Bridget, can I talk to you for a second?

Look, Kenny, I would never, ever ask you to betray your sister's confidence. Oh,

no, I have no problem with that. What's up?

I found this.

Oh,

my God.

It's an email from Bruno Cunningham.

Do you know who this is?

Well, the only Bruno I know is the one that she lost her virginity to.

Mom, whisper it. Say it out loud. It's not coming back.

I just, I can't believe this. The guy breaks her heart in Europe and he's in

touch with him?

Look, I can't wait.

What does that mean?

Hmm, means he's real eager.

You know what the word means?

Do you think that they're going to get together again?

I don't know, but the important thing is, why didn't you tell me?

Oh, yeah, that's the important thing.

You know, I am so afraid that this creep is going to hurt my Carrie again. I'm

going to go ask her about it. Yeah, yeah, that's good, Mom. You know, Carrie

such a chatterbox that once she finds out you went through all her stuff.

No way you're going to get her to shut up.

I have to know what's going on with her.

Mom, haven't you heard of just a little privacy?

Haven't you heard of giving someone their space?

I mean, why are you so caught up in wanting to know any intimate detail of

Carrie's life?

Is there anything going on here you're not telling me about?

Of course not.

But if there was, you'd tell me, right?

Yeah, absolutely. You're my big sister. I tell you everything.

Can I come out now?

Oh, Bruno's here.

Are you crazy?

Can you give us a second? But...

We are just friends.

He's backpacking on his way to Canada, and he needed a place to crash, so I

offered him the attic. Just a friendly gesture.

You cannot be friends with an ex, Carrie. Okay? Unless you did the

which you didn't. You were the dumpy. The one whose heart was crushed. The one

whose world came crashing down. Yeah, I get it.

I don't know if you remember the three last little words he said to you. I'll

call you. And did he? Let me think. No, he didn't.

I'll call you. He never had any intention of calling you. Okay, but...

Finished. You sat by that phone weeping, sad, horrified, and humiliated. Yeah, I

get it.

Look, he apologized in his emails. We're over it. We're friends.

Oh, God, Carrie. There are only three ways to get over a creep like Bruno.

you date his best friend. Two, you date his worst enemy. Or three, you send his

email address to, like, a million gay porn sites.

Hey, Rory, I've got some laundry for you.

Uh, just a second, Grandpa.

Hey, Grandpa.

You've met these guys before.

If you say so.

So, how's the volcano coming?

It's going great.

Thanks for bringing the laundry.

Yeah, what's inside the volcano?

There's igneous rock and magma.

And what's this?

Rock or magma?

We're not going to get punished, are we?

Oh, I'm going to punish you, all right.

Deal me in.

CJ, is it ever okay to snoop?

Ooh, never.

No, no, nothing lower than a snoop. You know, I don't even like Snoopy.

I just needed to hear it from someone else. Okay.

You see, the thing is, you remember that guy Bruno?

The one that Carrie... Lost her virginity to.

It's easier to say when you whisper.

Well, anyway, I just found out that Carrie had been emailing that Luther,

got so upset that I almost broke into her computer.

Well, yeah, you got the snoop. What?

Yeah, we got to bust into this laptop and find out what's going on with those

two. But you just said there's nothing lower than a snoop. What do I know about

morality?

I got a beard. Don't make me a freaking rabbi.

So what are you going to do with your friend while he's here?

Well, after Mom goes to her book club, Bruno and I are going to go get some

dinner, and then I'm going to sneak him into the attic before she gets home.

Unless you tell her.

No, I'll help you hide him.

Oh, my God, you really do care about me.

Don't flatter yourself. I just like getting away with stuff.

I'm in. Here we go.

Okay, now we just print these up, and then we perouse the e -mails at our

leisure. What if the girls come down and catch us? Forget the girls. It's my

game now.

Sorry,

okay, you're right.

All right, I'm going to go upstairs and make sure they don't come down. I'm

going to go down and make sure Mom doesn't come up. You get Bruno into the

before Mom goes out to her book club. Okay? Right. Go, go, go.

Hey, I'm okay in here. I found a Judy Blume book I never read.

I'm going back.

Mom! Oh!

Carl! One, one second, Mom!

Oh, whoa!

Hey!

Why did you just slam the door in my face? You freaked me out. I thought you

were a burglar.

Um, I'm going to go downstairs and get some cookies. Will you go with me? Oh,

no, no, you can't go downstairs.

Oh, fruit, steak, any snacks, good. Come on. Oh, you know, before we do that, I

actually have a pressing problem, and I think it might take a while.

Could you show me how to get the baseball scores on my phone?

What? Well, you know, I love baseball. I follow it closely. In fact, I was

hoping that maybe... Mary, go. All programmed, all set. Let's go get those

snacks. Come on. Well, wait, wait, wait. I don't see any baseball scores. Well,

they're coming in, like, three months when the season starts. Yeah, snacks,

Aren't they playing hockey right now? They're on strike. Oh, yeah. I knew

I meant field hockey.

Maybe they're field hockey.

Oh, boy.

A snack with both my girls.

Oh, not a good time for a snack.

You guys, wait, wait, wait. Wait one second. Why don't you go upstairs and

bring you your snack? I don't mind. You don't have to do that. Oh, no, really. I

feel like I don't do enough around here.

No, seriously.

No, it's okay. I'm trying to show you how much I love you, damn it. Now get up

there and wait.

Is that an English cheddar? Oh, my God.

Girls, I've got cheese and crackers.

Hey, here you go.

Oh, well, wow, thank you.

Uh -huh.

Oh, yeah, you're heading off to your book club? Yeah, go, compare, contrast.

Actually, I decided not to go to my book club. Why? I haven't read the book.

You never read the book.

Didn't watch the DVD either.

clean some of the stuff out of the way so you can get comfortable.

You don't have to clean up for me. Oh, no, I was supposed to do it three weeks

ago.

Hey, stop. Listen, I gotta tell you something.

Um, I know I already apologized, like, a million times in my emails.

Unfortunately, like, 30 of them went to my buddy list.

But, um, I just... I really want to tell you in person how sorry I am that I

never called you.

It was really... It was a terrible thing to do.

Yeah, it was.

But I pride myself on the ability to grow emotionally, and I've moved on.

Well, I'm just glad we can still be friends.

Oh, my.

Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry!

I broke your glasses!

No, no, no.

Don't worry. I only used them for vision.

and maybe a small morphine drip.

So, you're going to give us back our allowances, right?

Oh, sure.

That's how gambling works.

It sucks.

Making the stupid volcano was more fun.

Where do you think you're going?

I don't want to play anymore.

And what if I tell your parents you're up here playing poker? What if I tell

yours?

Good luck.

Hey, come on. It's winner take all. You've still got some chips.

Chips are my lunch money for the next two weeks. Well, boo -hoo.

So you go down a dress size.

Sit down. It's your deal.

Hey.

How's it going up there with your friend?

Fine. Very friendly.

Where are the bandages?

Why? I busted his head with an oar. Sweet!

No, it was an accident.

No, no, no. There are no accidents.

Well, except for Rory.

Listen, this is... That's why you cannot be friends with an ex. There were

always feelings involved, and now yours are coming out as anger. Oh, no, I am

done with anger. When he never called, I wrote some very scathing poetry.

Poetry? Yeah, and a vicious haiku that I posted on my blog.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get an ice pick.

Ice pick?

I said ice pack.

Email is all in code. No capital, no punctuation.

God, the nerve of Bruno and Carrie making their private letters practically

unreadable.

Just do something with that.

What are you guys watching?

Oh, just some boring old tearjerker.

We now return to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

So, what are you doing with all that ice? I just wanted some ice in my room.

Do you know I'm the only kid in my class who doesn't have her own ice maker?

Okay.

All right, give it to me.

That's not good.

Ooh, I gotta play this.

We'll just print out another one.

Leon, here's something stupid.

My sister doesn't think we can be friends.

Why not?

I don't know.

She just thinks that I'm hurting you on purpose for some reason.

Isn't that the stupidest thing?

Ow, ow, ow, ow. I'm sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Don't worry. I think I have a spare nose in my backpack.

Wait a second.

Is that a smile?

You're that blind?

No. No, I have, like, top gun vision.

I just wear the Coke bottle glasses because they're such a chick magnet.

Well, I will be gentle this time, okay?

Me too.

Um... I'm sorry, I just... I'm not ready for that.

I've got gum.

No, it's not that. It's just that I'm... I'm just... I'm starting to want...

want to, and I... I don't... think that I want to want to.

I'm gonna go.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You shot him?

Worse. I kissed him. Oh, no! I knew this would happen!

I'm starting to get feelings for him again. Is that what you want? No!

That's it. I gotta fix this. You need to get out of this house.

Oh, good plan. Yeah, I shouldn't be around him. I might do something I

I mean, I'd enjoy it, but I'd regret it.

I mean, I'd really enjoy it, but... Oh, I'd really... Okay!

Don't gross me out or I won't help you.

Shit! I figured this one out. Oh, wait. Don't tell me. Let me figure it out.

2NT means tonight.

Bruno is seeing her tonight. Oh, I said let me figure it out.

there's been a change of plans.

You're not getting anywhere within 10 miles of my carry.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the library. I've got loads of studying.

Studying, huh?

You sure do study a lot, don't you?

Uh, yeah.

Bye. Just a minute, young lady.

You're not going anywhere until you go and clean that attic like I asked. Two

weeks ago. Oh, but Mom. Don't but Mom me.

You are going up to that attic right now, and you are not coming down until

finish what you started.

Go on.

I can't believe this. The second I figure out I cannot be alone, Bruno, Mom

sends me up to the attic with him. What am I going to do?

What was that for?

Well, you were quite hysterical. No, I wasn't. Well, you should be. This is a

terrible... situation but you're lucky because i have a fix i'm gonna go up

there with you and make sure nothing happens of course i'm not gonna leave

two alone for one second hold on one second yeah hello oh you go ahead i

take this well

grandpa

i guess this is what they call beginner's luck

All right, ain't over till it's over. What do you got?

A pair of deuces.

That's all?

And three ladies.

Those are queens.

Thanks for showing us how bad gambling is, Mr. Egan.

Whatever.

I'm busted.

Oh, boo -hoo.

It's just that, well... I don't know how I'm going to pay for my medicine.

They won't let me buy it in Canada.

Wait a minute. He's trying to suck us into giving him his money back. No, no,

no. I just want to, you know, get a little back.

I'll sell you this watch for $20.

I've got a watch.

All right, $10. It's solid gold.

Call it.

You know, this e -mail code is like a whole other language. I mean, LOL.

What's LOL?

Yeah, well, if you're so good, try this one. A -T -T -I -C.

Mmm, always take time in Cancun. Whoa, that's it. He's taking her to Cancun. No

way. No, no, no. He's not taking her to Cancun. A -T -T -I -C means attic.

Come on, you might want to leave the code breaking to me.

Wait, are you kidding? He's in the attic where I just said cancun.

Wouldn't listen to me.

What are you talking about? By now, they're on a honeymoon in Cancun.

What are you doing here?

Bruno had to pee.

Okay, well, Mom's looking for you. She read your emails. What?

Kill her.

Yeah, well, you got a guy in your bedroom. Good luck with that argument.

So, um, nothing happened with you two while I was out, right? Oh, come on.

me a little credit. I can control myself.

Hey. Hey.

Oh, my God.

leave you two alone for two seconds and you're hanging each other like that? You

know what? Here, latest Nancy Drew. Knock yourself out.

Carrie, this cannot happen. Once a creep, always a creep.

Look, he's changed. He said he was sorry.

I just want Paris again. I don't expect you to understand.

Look, Carrie, a lot of things I don't understand.

Most things I don't understand.

But I understand, guys, and this one hurts you, and he's going to hurt you

again. Bridget, I know you're saying this because you care about me, but I've

made my decision.

Oh, God, they're coming. Okay, we got to get them out of here. Come on, let's

go. Where are we going? We are going out the window.

What? Yeah, it's okay. We do it all the time. Just shimmy around the ledge and

go down the drainpipe.

But I can't see.

It's a drainpipe and the side of a house. You'll feel your way down. Go!

Oh,

I feel horrible.

I snooped for no reason.

What kind of parent am I?

I mean, you did it because you care.

I'm just so worried. I don't want Carrie to get hurt again.

Still, that's no reason not to trust her.

What was I thinking?

She's just a great kid with a great head on her shoulders.

What a day.

Hey, let's get some cheese.

Thanks.

We made it.

So I'm sorry about your nose and your glasses.

Does your nose still hurt?

Yeah, it's killing me.

But it was worth it to see again.

Okay, okay, enough small talk. We made it this far without getting caught. Now

go.

I'm really glad you came.

Me too.

I'll call you.

You're like you called her the last time.

Bridget.

Okay, I said I'd call her and I will.

I'll call you the minute I get to Canada.

See? What's her number?

Yeah, I should probably get that.

You didn't have my number?

Well, I didn't, but now I'm getting it, so no big deal.

Well, yeah, it is kind of a big deal, Bruno.

This is starting to feel exactly like it did before.

What do you mean?

Well, you were just gonna leave.

Okay, you said you were over all of that.

Yeah, I was over it when I thought you had my number.

What were you going to do, just dial randomly until you hit my number? Which

can't be done, by the way.

I've tried.

Okay, you know what part of the problem is here?

You're a little oversensitive.

Excuse me?

What a jerk.

Okay, look, obviously me even coming here was a big mistake, so I think I'm

going to head out. Oh, no, not so fast.

Last summer...

In Paris, you looked into my eyes and said that we were going to spend

Thanksgiving together.

And you never called.

You said that I should come to your parents' farm in Wisconsin for Christmas

to take a sleigh ride.

And you never called.

You... You took my virginity.

And then you never called!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give him the vicious haiku. He is not worth the breath. Fine.

No, that was the first line.

You know what? Don't write.

Don't email. Stay out of my life.

Okay.

Wait.

I forgot my backpack. How do I get it?

Oh, don't worry.

I'll call you.

Which means she won't.

Yeah, okay.

Hi.

Dad, what are they still doing up? Ah, we're pulling an all -nighter on this

project.

Is that cigar smoke?

volcanic ash. These kids are sticklers for reality.

What's going on in here?

Uh, it's volcano stuff.

Dad, where's your shirt?

Uh, volcano stuff. It's hot. Hot.

By the way, Kate, uh, how much will you give me for these shoes?

They're Italian.

Looking.

Uh,

yeah, honey.

Well, I cleaned the attic like you asked.

I'm sorry it took me so long.

Can I go to bed now?

Carrie, wait.

What?

I don't tell you enough what a good kid you are.

I want you to know I trust you completely.

I snuck Bruno into the attic tonight, and we almost got back together, and

I realized he was a jerk.

And then I made him leave.

I read all your emails.