All language subtitles for 8_simple_rules_s03e15_old_flame

All right, Kate, just push then.

What's the big deal?

What's going on? What?

No, come on.

Don't do that to me. Don't do that to
me. My heart's beating like a rat. I

thought you were outside trying out your
skateboard with the rest of the middle

-aged men.

I was, but I decided to come in for a
minute.

Would you like your skateboard?

Yeah, I like it fine. It's just, uh, you
know, I thought I'd come in for a

second.

Well, you do live here, so you have
every right to just come on inside.

yeah. Just wanted to... Ha ha ha! Who's
Matt?

CJ. Well, you practically forced me to
look at the screen.

Ow!

this boyfriend I had in college. I
looked him up on the internet and, you

I wanted to say hello.

Ooh, you old dog digging up the old
bones.

Nice. Thank you.

Yeah, so why don't you push send?

You probably won't even remember me.

Senile.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

Mom's hooking up with an old boyfriend.

What? Well, it's not exactly hooking up.
I'm emailing.

And I don't even think I'm going to do
that.

No, come on. You got to do it. Live on
the edge.

I know. Mom's never been on the edge.
Oh, I've been on the edge. Trust me.

Especially with Matt.

He was part of my dangerous phase.

You had a dangerous phase? It must have
been before she started keeping the

snake bite kit in her purse.

I'll be laughing when you need one.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Did Mom ever have a dangerous phase?

Are you kidding me? She was hell on
wheels.

Right up to the summer when she got bit
by the snake.

That slowed her down.

Did Grandpa know Matt?

Matt Walsh? That crazy, long -haired,
lowlife? I should have shot him when I

the chance.

I believe Grandpa knows the man.

I thought I told you to stay away from
that hooligan.

Well, it was just an email, but if it's
going to cause such an uproar, just

forget about Matt.

You're done.

Over. Never to be resurrected again.

I wonder if he'll write back.

I am going to kill Carrie and Bridget.
They were supposed to be here an hour

ago. Man, Kate, I don't mind helping
you, but I got a plan.

You know, I didn't commit to this bake
sale. They did. Well, I know I didn't,

and I gotta go.

Me and some of the other substitute
teachers are going out for a drink.

Tonight? Yeah.

We go to this bar where the real
teachers go, but some of them can't make

we're filling in.

Well, how am I supposed to do this all
by myself?

Oh, I don't know. You'll figure out a
way. You always do.

Hey, Kate.

Are you busy?

A little.

I was hoping you could throw a button on
my flannel shirt.

Well, do you have to have it tonight?

Yes. It's the one I wear when I watch
the lumberjack competition.

Can you wear something else?

No. Can you watch something else?

You never really approved of log
rolling, did you, Kate?

Mom, I need you. What?

This project's due tomorrow. My geyser's
only sputtering.

I know that feeling.

Lori, you shouldn't have waited so long.

Kate, the button.

Ew, cookies.

Cookies? Where have you girls been?

It was Carrie's fault.

My fault? Yeah, you're supposed to pick
me up. You weren't there on time. I have

a broken leg.

We're making out with Jack Harrington by
the fountain.

With a broken leg.

Wait a minute. Is this why I've been
baking cookies by myself for the last

No.

We went to the mall. What?

I have a broken leg!

Mom, it's not working. I'm going to
fail.

Kate, the boy needs your help. Um, you
made chocolate chip, Mom. We kind of

committed to butterscotch. Yeah, and
these are kind of burned.

Hey, if you're tied up with this whole
cookie thing, can I borrow the car?

I got the button and the shirt right
here. One, one, one.

Button lumberjack. Button lumberjack.

Why don't I have a girlfriend?

I quit.

What? Bake your own cookies.

I am not a baker or a seamstress or a
scientist.

I'm taking the night off.

Well, what about dinner?

I'm sorry. I just love dinner.

You can all fend for yourself.

You know what? That's right. Teach him a
lesson. Toughen him up a little bit.

There is a fridge full of food because
CJ was kind enough to go to the market

for me.

Was that today?

Oh, look.

A fire.

You knock.

No, you knock. No, you.

No, I'm not knocking.

I can't hear you, but I know you're out
there.

And it's harshing my mellows, so leave.

Mom, please come out.

Yeah, Rory needs to talk to you. He
thinks he's gay.

Super gay.

We agreed Carrie was going to be the gay
one.

Kids, I spent 41 years married to your
grandmother, and 39 of them I spent

outside the door, just like this one.
She's not budging.

Maybe Grandma had other reasons.

All right, listen up.

You're about to hear the most powerful
words you've ever heard come out of my

mouth. Do not...

I got your e -mail.

Well, why didn't you call?

I thought this would be more fun.

Gee, you look great.

Well, yeah, so do you. I mean, what I
can see.

Gee, you know, Matt, we have a front
door.

You said your dad lived here. I thought
climbing the drain pipe would be safer.

I can't believe this. Come on in.

No. I want you to come out. I want to
give you a ride on my motorcycle.

Now? Yeah.

I can't.

Why not? That's crazy.

Exactly. Let's be crazy like we used to
be.

Matt, that was like a thousand years
ago. What happened to Wild Katie?

I haven't changed a view.

You don't come out, I'm letting go.

Five, four, three, two... How you doing?

How many nights did we spend here? A lot
more than we spent in the library.

There was a library?

Oh, my God.

It's Nixon.

Do you think it's still there?

Impossible.

Oh.

The gum I took out of my mouth right
before our first kiss. I'll never forget

that kiss.

For years, I got turned on whenever I
saw Nixon.

What are you drinking?

Please, these days?

I brought your favorite tea, sweetheart.

Please come out.

I'm serious, sweetie.

C .J.'s cooking pork, and I'm afraid for
the children.

Two tequilas. Oh, God.

You better get your I .D. out, Katie.
I'm serious. You look great.

I feel like I'm dreaming.

An hour ago, I was wearing fuzzy
slippers, listening to Mozart, and

about elbow soffers.

Would you rather be here?

I'd rather live here.

Nixon.

Oh, warm.

Two more.

Oh, yeah, that's great, because I don't
think driving a motorcycle through the

snow is quite dangerous enough.

Let me finally eat something.

Two double cheeseburgers. With onion
rings.

And anything else you can fry.

You really haven't changed, have you?

Well, I did.

I changed back.

What do you mean?

Well, I did the corporate thing. You
know, I sold roofing systems.

Who are we kidding? There's no system.
It's a roof.

I hate it.

Did you ever get married?

I had a marriage system.

So, what are you doing now?

Having a drink with a beautiful girl.

On some most wanted list, are you? Oh, I
made a little money in the market.

Now all I need is my bike, my laptop,
and some open road.

I want your life.

I'm a single mom.

I cook, I clean, I do bake sales.

They depend on you for everything, huh?
Yeah, that's right.

Right now they're probably eating
bologna sandwiches on moldy bread.

I think this proves that we can give
your mother a night off and still have a

nice dinner together.

May I present CJ's swine surprise.

Oh! Oh, it smells disgusting.

It was more sanitary when it was alive.

Hey, are those marshmallows? CJ, it's
still pink.

That's the grape jelly.

Mom,

please come down here. We're sorry.

Mom, he's trying to kill us. You know
what? I work all day, and I try to do

something nice for you guys.

Something a little special.

I gave up a night of substitute
drinking, and this is the thanks...

The attitude I get?

I will never, oh, and I mean never, cook
for this bunch again.

Oh.

I'm ordering a pizza.

If you order any pork products on that
pizza, I will consider it a slap across

my face.

You look happy. I don't know if I can
take any more excitement.

What a night.

Tequila. Red meat?

This guy, he called me miss.

You want to kiss the gargoyle?

You know, Matt, I may be a little out of
touch, but if that's some kind of drug

or sexual reference, I'm not interested.

How could you forget about kissing the
gargoyle?

There it is, right out here.

Come on, let's climb over and make a
wish.

I'm not going down there. It's like a
200 -foot drop.

Because I have a cheeseburger and a
piece of mud pie in me.

Come on, nobody falls.

40 kids in 100 years, that's not bad.

Come on.

But it looks so dangerous.

It's just so crazy.

Katie Egan, get out here.

All right.

All right, fine.

I'm coming. Here I come. That's the
Katie I remember.

I didn't do this when I was 20.

They said that I didn't have a dangerous
side.

Well, here I am, literally on the edge.

Whoa!

Here's my phone. I want a picture of
this. Okay.

All right.

Oh, that's going to be great.

That's going to be great. Okay.

Ah, I don't know if the picture's so
good.

Don't you want to know my wish?

Tell me.

I wish you'd run away with me.

What? Tonight, right now, yesterday.

Where would we go?

Wyoming, where we always said we'd go.

And open a waterbed store.

And write bluegrass songs.

And live on love and free -range
chicken.

Live on love and free -range chicken.

You remember the song.

We were good.

Wouldn't that be great, Matt?

Living free forever like that? What a
fantasy.

It doesn't have to be a fantasy.

Let's do it. Oh, come on. Come on, I'm
serious.

Let's run away tonight. No, no, no. Say
that. No, no, no. I'm not running away

with you. Why not?

There's nothing between us and total
freedom.

Don't answer that.

Hello?

Oh, this is Kate Hennessy. Who's this?

It's your wife.

You said you left her.

I did.

When?

This afternoon when I got your email.

Matthew?

Matthew!

You left your wife for me?

Based on what? Your email.

Dear Matt, how's your life?

I read between the lines.

There were no lines.

Here, now you tell her that you're
coming home. I'm not going back.

It's you and me now. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Matt, you have lost your mind.

Katie, you say you'll run away with me.

Three. Matthew Walsh, get off the
gargoyle.

Come on.

Living on a loving free range ship.

Forget it. We are not going to Wyoming.

We are not opening a waterbed store.

And we're definitely not writing
bluegrass songs.

But you said your life wasn't exciting.

That doesn't mean I want to leave it. I
have responsibilities and a family that

worships me.

I say let her rot.

And I always do my homework last minute,
and she always helps me.

Boy, if you were my kids and this was
around 1955, I'd be beating you right

What? That's right, with a switch.

And he'd make you go out back behind the
barn and cut it yourself.

What barn?

Yeah, the 50s, everyone had a barn.

Just listen to you.

I mean, you took your mother for
granted, and sometimes so do I.

But it's wrong.

She takes damn good care of us. We're
hungry. There's food.

You're hurt. She makes you feel better.
And if there's a mess, she cleans up. We

clean up.

Oh.

Hey, your mother's up in that room for
one night. I wouldn't blame her if she's

up there for a month.

So get off your butts, clean up the
mess, and think about what I just said.

Not you, CJ.

You keep sewing.

My foot's a little cold.

Wish my loafer hadn't fallen off.

This isn't going at all like I planned.

What were you thinking?

I don't know.

Married Betsy right out of college.

Betsy Monaghan? Yeah.

That was her on the phone? Uh -huh.

She didn't like me back then.

This isn't going to help.

Now the kids are growing out of the
house.

You have kids?

A lot of them.

I'm about to be a grandfather.

I wonder if that has anything to do with
all this.

You know, all night long you sounded
like such a rebel.

Such a born -to -be -wild man.

Sure sounded good.

What about the motorcycle?

Technically, I'm still out on a test
ride.

I drive a Korean hatchback I can't even
pronounce.

Six -cylinder?

Four.

What about the investments and the
market?

I'm Senior Vice President of EverDrive
Roofing Systems.

We did this bell tower.

That's Betsy.

That's one hell of a cell phone.

I'm sorry, Katie. This whole evening's
been a disaster.

Oh, are you kidding?

This is exactly what I needed.

Riding on the back of that motorcycle, I
felt like I was 20 years old and could

ride forever.

Let's go! Oh, don't start.

I know.

I guess I was a pile of dynamite waiting
to go off and you came along.

Believe me, there's plenty of times I
want to just chuck it all.

You know what stops me?

My kids.

I think about how great they are and how
awful they are.

And how great they are.

And I don't want to change a thing.

Want to fool around a little bit?

Let's get you home, Gramps.

Okay.

Please don't call me that.

Mom, please come out.

Mom, we know you're mad and you have
every right to me.

Mom, we know how lucky we are to have
you. Please come out so we can tell you

that face to face.

So you can see the tears.

Baby, it's dad.

Come on out.

The lumberjack competition is over.

But I have it on tape if you're
interested.

Or we can watch what you want.

Uh, Aunt Kate, it's your nephew, C .J.

Listen, I walked a mile in your shoes
tonight, and I learned something.

You know, taking care of this family is
the hardest job of all.

By the way, I broke a heel.

And I wanted to tell you how much I
appreciate everything you do for me.

Sure, I have to share a room with Gramps
here, and I don't get to use the car as

much as I'd like. She gets the point.

Mom, this is the last thing we're going
to say, and then we'll leave you alone.

It's just weird when you're this mad at
us.

It feels like a piece of us is missing.

Forget it. She's not budging. She can be
such a witch.

Wait, wait, wait.

Mom, we're so sorry.

Look, it's okay. I'm better now.

Well, Kate, we had a little talk tonight
about everybody helping out more.

I think they got the message.

He threatened to beat us.

Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.

Hey, if you're hungry, you're in luck.

I happen to have a boatload of
marshmallow pork left that's going to

Again.

It's all right. I already ate.

When? You were up here all night. Yeah,
listening to your old people music and

taking a nap before bed.

Actually, um, I wasn't up here all
night.

What do you mean?

You remember that guy on the internet?

My old boyfriend?

Well, he showed up.

He whisked me out the window. We jumped
on his motorcycle, went to this little

club called the Purple Haze.

I had a double cheeseburger, did tequila
shots.

We broke into the bell tower, climbed up
to the top, and I talked them down out

of a nervous breakdown.

Um, Mom, hear us.

We love you.

Dull, boring you.

You don't have to make up these stories.

Come on, Mom. Come taste the cookies we
made.

Okay. I'll be right there. All right.