Original subtitles

Could you make any more noise?

How's this?

What's that, your teeth?

What time is it anyway, like 6 a .m.? It's 10 .30, you lazy bum.

Oh, when did you get up? Five minutes ago.

You woke me up with your sick dream.

Oh, slow down, Brandy. Slow down, Brandy.

For your information, I was walking my old dog down an icy street.

Then I met some hot stripper named Brandon.

Is that my Buzz Lightyear toothbrush?

I believe you're right. It is. Here.

You know what? I think we've reached the end of our long, happy journey as

roommates. Don't act so shocked you got the same speech from Grandma.

Fine. We're done.

Good luck out in the big, bad world.

I won't be out in the big, bad world. You will.

The hell I will. I was here first.

Why don't you move into the attic? You move into the attic. You move into the

attic. Well, I see we're quite a stalemate here.

Let's try this from another angle.

You move into the attic.

Oh, I get it.

You're afraid of the big, dark, scary attic.

You're afraid of the big, dark, scary attic.

Now, I tell you what, I'll make you a deal. If you go up there and you stay

night all alone, then you can have this room and I'll live in the attic. One

night you're on. That's great.

I'll finally have some privacy. You'll stop using my stuff.

You use my stuff all the time. Oh, what are you talking about?

There's my razor, my deodorant. I can't find my favorite silk boxers.

Do you honestly think I'd want your... Uh -huh.

It was dark.

I couldn't see. I pulled something on. They felt nice.

Yes, and I need 12 bottles of aspirin and 800 doses of flu vaccine.

What?

Still?

Just sending up for the teachers.

Okay.

I want you to guess something, but you'll never guess, so I'm going to give

a hint.

Scouts are coming from Princeton this Friday to watch somebody's tennis match,

and they may give her a full -ride scholarship.

Princeton? Yes!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I know, I know. I always knew deep down it

was Ivory League material. Oh, we all knew, honey.

I can't wait to tell Carrie.

want to think of the best way to do that. I mean, she will be very happy for

you, of course. But, you know, Carrie has always dreamt of going to an ivory

league school.

So, um, before you tell her your wonderful news, you might want to

breaking it to her delicately.

She won't even know I told her.

I'm going to Princeton because I play tennis. You think you're so smart, you

don't play tennis.

So what if you lose the bet?

Are you really going to live in the attic?

CJ's scared of his own shadow. He won't last five minutes up there.

But what if he does?

What if by some fluke he manages to spend the whole night?

Well, that's simple. You know, the trap door to the attic?

Let's nail it shut, seal him in there.

You'd do that?

Ask your Uncle Phil.

I don't have an Uncle Phil. Exactly.

Hey, everybody.

You get my message about Bridget? Yeah, that's great news.

I don't know.

Bridget and Princeton?

It just sounds unnatural.

So did Bridget tell Carrie yet?

It's Ivy League, you moron!

It's hard to tell. You know, I can't be that much of a moron. Princeton is

giving me my own car and driver.

You know, I know I'm not smart like you, but I'm pretty sure that's not what

they mean by a full ride.

Why can't you just be happy for me? You know, Mom was jumping up and down.

You jumped?

Well, it was more like a hop. It wasn't really a jump.

whole thing is sick i work really hard i get good grades i do that damn river

cleanup project every week until my fingers bleed and the only thing my

counselor can say is you better pick a safety school and bridget just swings

tennis racket and princeton comes running oh hold on honey this is a great

opportunity for bridget besides they only sent a scout it's a little early

welcome to princeton party but we'll sure be ready when it happens

You sure you want to spend the whole night up there?

Yeah, why not?

It's cold and musty and it smells weird.

I live with Grandpa.

Hey, guy.

Look at you. You're so scared he won't even go up there in the middle of the

afternoon by himself.

I hate to disappoint you, but I'm more than man enough to go up there alone.

Then what do you got the bodyguard for?

He's just holding the ladder down because I don't weigh enough to hold it

myself.

I don't believe that for a minute. You're scared. Why don't you admit it?

not scared. In fact, I feel wonderful.

Grand. I feel spectacular.

You're wearing my boxers again, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Rory, it's time.

So good of you to join us today, Miss Hennessy. I am so sorry I'm late. See, I

was changing, and I had on my blue socks when I found my cute ones with the pink

pop balls, which match the skirt way better, so I thought maybe I should...

important thing is I'm here now.

Perhaps we should just start over.

I was changing, and I had on my blue socks, and, you know, like I said about

skirt... Miss Hennessy, would you like to explain the relationship between

and signs?

Yes, I would.

If a guy is wearing cords, it's a sure sign I'm not going to date him.

You come in late and disrupt the class.

It's disrespectful, it's discourteous, and a waste of my time. Mrs. Krupp, I'm

so sorry. I do not mean to be disrespectful at all, but no one really

trigonometry in real life. You know, it's like all the other stuff you learn

high school.

It sounds like you have no use for education of any kind.

Exactly. I'm going to Princeton.

See, there's a scout coming this Friday to watch my tennis match, and I'm pretty

sure I'm getting a scholarship.

Did you know that you have a D in my class?

Did you know I have a 92 -mile -an -hour serve?

Did you know that in order to compete in athletics, students must maintain a C

average in all classes? And did you know that because of this, you won't be

playing your match on Friday?

Did you know I'm about to cry?

Heard you can't play.

You here to rub it in?

No.

Look, I'm really sorry about how I acted when it seemed like you were getting

into Princeton. I should have been happier for you. Yeah, you should have

Well, if it helps, I'm happy now.

There'll be no Princeton! Give me that!

I can't carry that!

Nothing!

The world is back where it should be!

Oh, stop that!

You know, Bridget doesn't need this right now.

You're right.

What she needs is a pennant from Herb's bartending school.

You know, very funny. Mom, she does not stop with the nasty comments and the...

There's a bartending school?

Bridget, we are talking about your future here. Well, I'm not in the mood

that lecture.

Yeah, but you sound awfully flipped for someone... Not one either.

Do you work at the school? Can't you do something?

I don't know. Maybe I can talk to Mrs. Krupp. Get her to bend the rules.

What? Just this once.

You've got... You've got to be kidding me. You're going to fix this for her?

That is so unfair.

She's off again.

I come home ten minutes past curfew, I get grounded. I forget to put gas in the

car, you dock my allowance.

That was different.

Yeah, because that was about me, but apparently you don't bend the rules for

Great, now that we all understand each other. You know, Carrie, this is about

getting Bridget into college. Which means her screwing around all year and

cleaning up the mess.

Now look.

Your father and I always dreamed of everyone in this house going to college,

which is expensive.

A scholarship for Bridget would really help.

Mom's gonna fix it. I'm going to Princeton. Bridget!

You know, as long as we're quoting Dad here, how about his favorite one?

Take responsibility for your actions.

You really gonna clean this one up for her, too?

Oh, look.

All my old stuffed animals. There's Poo -Poo, Bobo, and Ding -Ding the Mouse.

Poo -Poo, Bobo, and Ding -Ding?

Where's your easy -bake oven?

I didn't have an easy -bake oven.

There's that old rat trap.

Still loaded and ready to go.

What do you mean? You guys, you had a rat up here?

Oh, that's right. You weren't here when Hercules moved in.

Hercules? That's what we named him. He had the strength of like ten rats.

We had a cat for a while, but he disappeared.

Hey, I got an idea, little buddy. Why don't you bunk up here with me tonight?

It'll be fun.

Oh, I don't think so.

Come on, it's one night. What are you, a yeller?

CJ, you'll be fine.

But if you do see Hercules, play dead.

Why? Well, that way there's a chance they'll just throw you around a little

and then lose interest.

I'll see ya.

Yeah?

Hi, I'm here for my flu shot.

Oh, come on in. Take a seat.

Here's my form. Okay.

Just roll up your sleeve, Mrs.

Krupp.

Oh.

You're Mrs. Krupp.

Skip the coffee maker jokes. I've heard them all.

You know, my daughter is in your class.

Bridget?

Hennessy. Yes.

Skip the cognac jokes.

I don't get it.

Well, you see, Hennessy is a brand... Anyway, let's just get you going.

Tough situation with Bridget. Uh, yes.

Yes, it is.

Uh, look.

Mrs. Krupp, is there anything you could do to let Bridget play her tennis match

tomorrow?

Unfortunately, I don't make the rules.

I just enforce them to the letter.

Oh, gosh.

You know what else is unfortunate?

I just realized I am all out of flu vaccine.

What? Yes.

And we are in the middle of a brutal flu season.

Nurse Hennessy, this is sounding a little like extortion.

Oh, such an ugly word.

Just like chills or fever, post -viral paralysis.

You're kidding, right?

Sort of.

You know, Mrs. Rupp, as a mother, I would feel awful if I didn't do

to try to get my Bridget into college.

Isn't there something you can do?

Well... There is a test next week. I guess I could let her take it tomorrow

morning before her match.

And if she pulls her grade up to a C, she can play.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

And if there's anything you need?

Well, there is one thing.

Right. Oh,

look. More vaccine.

Where'd you come from?

Thank you so much. You were the best. It was very hard for me. I did it against

my better judgment.

That's okay. The important thing is you did it anyway.

Now, you better study hard. I will. I promise.

Okay. Oh, here comes Carrie.

She's going to go nuts when she finds out that I bailed you out. So do me a

favor. Let me tell her. I won't say a word.

Hi, Care Bear.

Before you Care Bear me, I just need to know, did you go see Mrs. Krupp today?

No, I did not.

Wow. So you didn't fix Bridget's mess?

I did not go to see Mrs. Crump.

Oh, my God, Mom. How could you?

Your hair looks great today.

Don't change the subject. You know exactly what you did. I'm not trying to

change the subject.

Who wants cookies?

You know what? I made your favorite, butterscotch.

That's Bridget's favorite.

Now look, Carrie, I know this is hard for you to understand, but I would have

done the same thing for you. I wouldn't need that kind of help. And for your

information, I like peanut butter cookies.

That is so unfair.

Everybody changes their favorites in here every five minutes. Who can keep

track?

Oh, butterscotch, Bridget's favorite. Can I have one?

This is off the charts unfair.

All right, I'll put one back.

What are your favorite cookies? I'll make them.

I just said peanut butter!

I'm going to my room. Wait, wait!

What? Aren't you going to ask her? I can't.

Ask me what? Nothing. Mom?

Shut up. Have a cookie.

I cannot pass this test without Carrie's help. Oh, my God. You're going to ask

me to help her study, aren't you? Well, I thought it would be a fun family

project. Ooh, butterscotch. Bridget's favorite.

It's just one night, Poopoo. We can do it.

Oh, just my luck.

And Kate's bacon, Bridget's favorite cookie.

Go,

go, go. It's easy.

It's fun.

Up, up, up.

with this angle, 30 degrees, 40 degrees, 42 degrees.

That's the answer. Simple. It all comes back to me.

Why don't you check that answer?

If you insist, but really, it's a negative 16 over 9.

This must be a typo.

We are not going to get this. You can't help me. Carrie won't help me. What is

the point?

The point is Princeton.

A scholarship, your future.

And look, I'm going to go make another pot of coffee.

But Bridget, I know you can do this.

Okay, Mom, yeah, I can do this.

And please, have you ever seen me eat a butterscotch cookie?

Oh, God, complain, complain, complain. That's all you've done since you got

here.

I'm sorry, I'll leave. No, no, no, no.

Look at all this junk.

I know.

Oh, it's Rory's Easy Bake Oven.

And Mr. Peeper's collar.

Mr. Peeper's? Our old cat.

We never knew what happened to him.

Hey, CJ, can I come up? No, no. Sure.

I don't want to see her. Don't tell her I'm up here.

Hey, can I, um, hang out for a while? Yeah, you can stay all night if you

My life sucks.

Yours too?

Well, obviously yours does. What are you talking about me?

I can't pass the test. I'm going to disappoint Mom. Plus, then Carrie's mad

me. She thinks it's unfair that I'm going to Princeton. And to tell you the

truth, she's totally right.

I mean, even if I do get in, I couldn't make it without her. She's always saving

my butt.

You ever tell her that?

No. All we seem to do is fight lately.

If she was here, what would you tell her?

Well... There is one thing I've always wanted to say to her.

Try smiling once in a while and stop dressing like Woody Allen.

Is there something that you wouldn't say to her face?

Well, tell her how great she is and smart.

Even though it looks like I have everything, there are plenty of times I

was her.

Hey, CJ, is Bridget up there?

God, I don't want to deal with her right now.

Uh...

I don't see Bridget. Do you, Siri?

How about this?

I'll live up here. You take my room. Done.

You know, CJ, sometimes I just want to disappear into this attic.

Yeah, like Mr. Peepers?

Oh, yeah.

I forgot about him.

On second thought, you can take the attic.

Oh, CJ, I blew it.

I'm a bad mother.

Shut your mouth.

I just want what's best for my girls.

You know, it seems like every time I turn around, I screw it up.

I can't expect you to understand.

No, I understand. I see you do it every day.

You know, maybe I got carried away with this whole Princeton thing.

But I just want the best for Bridget. And I hope she knows that no matter what

she does, I'm always proud of her.

I think she knows.

And Carrie, you know, she's going to understand when she's a mom.

You just want to do anything for your kids.

She's going to be a great mom.

That Carrie, she has a great heart.

I don't know. Even when they're fighting all the time, you should hear the way

Carrie talks about Bridget when she's not around.

She even told me that she was the best.

student body president that that school had ever had.

She'd hate to admit it, but she adores her big sister.

Don't ever say you're a bad mom. You're a great mom.

Oh, thanks, CJ.

Hey, that peepers cat, he probably ran away and got hit by a car, right?

CJ!

Oh, you're not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be alone. Go, go, go. What?

Hide, hide, hide. Go, go, go, go.

Hey.

I just came up to see how you were doing up here all alone.

Sorry to disappoint you. I'm just fine.

It's kind of quiet downstairs.

I wouldn't be surprised.

No, I mean it's like a ghost town.

Mom?

CJ?

Grandpa?

Anybody?

The truth is, I miss you down there.

I don't like it when we fight.

And damn it, I like sharing that room with you.

I can get lonely. Aw, Grampy, you old softy.

Hey, hey, if you mention this to anyone, you'll end up like Uncle Phil.

Who's that?

Exactly.

Don't worry, this'll be our little secret.

So, uh, while I got you up here, man to man, tell me what you think about the

women of this house.

bugs you about them.

How much time you got? I got all night.

What time was the test?

Well, it was about an hour ago. They'll be here any minute.

I don't know. Princeton?

They'll say it's unnatural.

I passed my test, you guys. I passed.

I get to play my match and I owe it all to my baby sister.

I am so proud of you.

And Carrie, as a special thanks for staying up with your sister all night, I

made you a big tray of your favorite cookies, oatmeal raisin.