Original subtitles

Oh, look at you all dressed up.

I got a date.

Hey, check this tie out, huh? I think this lady's got a thing for ties.

Really?

It's a tie food.

CJ, could you not ride the scooter in the... Things you never thought you'd

to a 35 -year -old man.

Listen, just put some fat tires on her. I want to see how she corners.

Hey, guys. Rory, how was the mini -mart?

Yeah, how's your slurpy gas hot dog girl?

She also developed film.

And no AMC here, because these two wouldn't take me. Oh, girl.

What? We ran out of time. We had to get outcast tickets. Yeah. Now, don't you

remember what I told you when I bought the new car?

You can share the minivan, but you have to drive your brother around, too. We

did. We drove him around all day.

Not to the mini -mart.

Look, you guys, I'm working full -time, I'm trying to run the house, and I'm

trying to have a life.

This is the one thing you could do that would make my life easier.

See, this is why you should have given me the car. I would have driven the lad

to the end of the earth.

Jay, we've been all over this. I know, but I really need a car. I mean, the

scooter's fine, but it's tough to pick up chicks.

It's not impossible, it's just they have to be a certain height and wearing a

helmet when I meet them.

Look, I'm trying to teach them to be responsible.

It's not working out real well.

Okay, I'm out of here. Me too.

Where are you going?

Picking up a friend at the airport.

Dormy!

Mom, can you take me to the mini -mart? Oh, actually, no, honey. I'm late for

the book club, and I'm bringing the beer.

Your sisters would use her driving turn to take you. Yeah, Mom, I can't. I'm

really busy. Like I said, one of your sisters will take you.

Love ya.

So, which one of you hoes is taking me?

Carrie, after she drops me off at Tanya's party.

Actually, I'm not going to waste my turn on a roaring run. I'm going to walk to

Heather's, and she will drive me to the library. See ya.

Mini -mark time, dog. Let's hit it.

No, I'm not wasting my turn on you either. I'll just walk down to Erica's.

She'll drive me to Tanya's party. Hey, go hang those on the hook. If you can

reach.

Hello?

Dude, I've been trying to get there all day.

She's wearing what?

No, I'm not afraid to talk to her.

I don't have a ride.

Hello? Yeah, I went.

I'm just getting back.

Are you kidding? She was all over me.

I ordered a large and she charged me for a small.

Damn, I spilled.

Let me call you back.

Step away from the vehicle.

It was like that when I found it.

Uh -huh.

Come on.

I smell slurpy.

And footlongs.

And gas.

And film.

I didn't go to the mini -mart.

Who said anything about the mini -mart?

Fine, you caught me.

I drove to the mini -mart. When I got back, I hit the garage.

You drove?

That's awesome, dude.

Oh, my God.

What am I going to do, C .J.? Skip town.

Isn't a life riding the rails at its own reward?

I don't want to be a hobo. Nobody wants to be a hobo.

Why don't you just go to Mom and tell her the truth?

Well, it would make her proud, and it is the mature thing to do.

Grunt!

How was your book club?

Oh, my God. We just went on and on and on all night and then fought over the

ending. How was your date?

Pretty much the same.

Hey,

dude.

About last night with the car?

The more I think about it...

The more I think we handled it badly.

Me too.

I'm just going to tell Mom.

Yeah, that's smart because you can't run away from this thing. It's not like

income taxes or the Army.

There I go. I just remember two things.

A, it was a total and complete accident. And B, I had nothing to do with it.

What the hell happened to the minivan?

Start with B.

family has ever done. Mom, can I say something? Rory, not now.

All right, which one of you girls wrecked the car? I swear it wasn't me.

either. Okay, fine. Just lie about it and make it worse. Didn't we teach you

honesty in this house? Mom, I really want to... Rory, please.

Did you really think that you could get away with this? Mom, I didn't do it. I

went to the library with Heather and she drove. Ask my friends. Oh, right. Ask

her friends like they won't lie for her.

So where were you? Johnny's party. Ask my friends.

Mom, please. I really want to... Honey. Please.

All right. So this is the way it's going to be? Well, you're both grounded. Mom,

I'm at a concert.

Oh, that's right.

You're supposed to go to a concert.

You're not going to any concert.

And neither one of you is driving. Mom! In fact, let's try this.

I'm going to put CJ in charge of the minivan.

And he can drive Rory around.

Now, sweetheart.

Sweetheart, what did you want to say?

Me and CJ are going on the mini -mart.

Anybody need anything?

Hello,

innocent one.

Hello, guilty one.

speaking. I don't know.

She's the guilty one. She is.

I can see we're making progress.

So unfair.

Yes, it is.

Being grounded, losing privileges, not being able to go see outcasts perform

their chart -topping hits like Hey Ya and Roses.

This is just so unfair for one of you. Me?

I don't know what would be more maddening.

The guilt of having known I'd done it, or the anger at being hung out to dry by

my very own sister.

Must be unbearable.

Toodle.

You know, it is so obvious what happened. Yeah, Mom wrote the name of

on her hand.

You know, you got a ride to Tonya's party, then you snuck back here and took

car. Oh!

Please, like I could ever think of something that smart.

All right, that's proof enough for me. I must have done it. I knew it. I didn't

do it, you idiot. I'm not an idiot. Then maybe you are smart enough to think of

that plan.

Oh, I'm not falling for that one. I'm an idiot.

This is unbelievable.

Something actually went my way.

I mean, I've read about it and I've heard about it, but I've never actually

experienced it.

I think this is what the fortunate people call good luck.

And I can get used to it, too.

Hey, ladies.

Oh, don't laugh. It's paid for.

Dude.

Dude, come on. You were brilliant back there.

We're doing the right thing, aren't we? Of course. I mean, technically, we

should have some baddies in the back seat, but... You know what?

This morning, you thought I should confess.

Well, that was before the gods handed you this gift.

Buddy, nobody gets off the hook like this.

So I shouldn't feel guilty? No.

When the gods hand you a gift, you never turn it down. You don't anger the gods,

all right? For the record, I told the king of this.

You're right. This is pretty cool.

And if you ever hook up with that slurpy girl, you'll want access to some wheels

to take her around in, right?

You know, she's pretty hot, huh? Oh, she's a looker.

I don't know how to impress her.

I mean, I'm already eating nine hot dogs a day.

I don't know.

What is she like? Maybe, you know, get her a gift.

She loves OutKast. Let this show sold out.

I got it.

Get those scratchers, man. You know, every girl loves a millionaire.

Come on, the gods are with us right now. Give it a shot.

Oh, check that out. A beautiful girl in a helmet.

The one day I don't need her.

Okay, okay, I have a plan.

Let's say for the sake of argument, neither one of us did it.

Okay, listen.

It's stupid for both of us to be getting punished. If one of us confesses, at

least the other one can go to the concert.

True. I'm just wondering with this little plan of yours, which one of us

confesses? Yes, yes, that is the tricky part, my friend. But I think I may have

a solution.

What number am I thinking of? Four. Damn!

Two out of three. Four. Damn!

Okay. All right.

I'm gonna go confess.

Four.

Damn!

Uh, no, I'm sorry, Tanya, but Bridget's not allowed to talk on the phone.

For how long?

Well, that's really up to her.

Uh, no, honey, I haven't seen your retainer, but I'll look.

So do you have a reason to leave your room?

Let's just say, hypothetically, one of us was to confess.

How would you feel?

I'd be angry.

But I'd be proud that one of you did the right thing.

And might you be grateful that this...

brave person that finally straightened out this whole mess?

I'd be very grateful. And might you be so proud and grateful that you would let

this generous soul go to the concert?

Bridget, if you have something to say, just come out and say it.

This is killing me.

Carrie did it.

What's up, Grandpa?

You're in a good mood.

Why not?

The gods are smiling on me.

That's great.

That's great. What do you know about this?

That's a... It's ball.

Ball? Yeah, a combination of spoon and straw.

You're talking crazy, son. Everybody knows that's a strewn.

We're done here.

Not quite so fast.

You know, I came in for my date last night, and I noticed the minivan was

a little funny, so...

I did a little snooping around and I noticed the front bumper was all torn

I found this on the front seat.

So? So, strewn, slurpy, slurpy, mini -mart, mini -mart, mini -van.

And here we are.

Fine, I'm the one who wrecked the car.

Don't cave so easy. It's the only fun I get around here.

I was going to tell Mom everything.

I swear.

Then when she got mad at Bridget Carey, I thought that was payback for them

picking on me. First of all, I don't care what your sister said. You

be driving the car.

And second, you messed up and they're taking the hit for it. And you know

not right.

I know.

You're going to tell Mom?

No, I'm not.

Because I know you'll do the right thing.

You are a...

Despicable backstabber. You are the lowest of the low. At least I didn't

the car. Neither did I. All right, that's enough.

First you two lie to me about the car, and now you are trying to scam me so

you can go to some concert?

Well, you know what?

Give me those tickets.

Neither of you are going under any circumstances. Then who's going?

Mom, I have something to say.

So do I.

Enjoy the show.

Tickets to OutKast? Yes, and I'm sure you can find somebody that's dying to

Now, what were you going to say?

Hey, y 'all.

Hey, CJ, thank you so much for taking Rory and his girlfriend to that concert.

I'll just be here at the Hennessy Lockdown trying to get one of the girls

confess. Listen, all you need is a bucket of water, a car battery, and a

CD.

Come to think of it, you don't even need the bucket of water or the car battery.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

You know, CJ, sometimes the kids tell you stuff.

Stuff that they don't want to tell me.

You don't know anything about this, do you?

And if you did, you'd tell me, right?

Of course.

I knew you would.

So great to have you in this family.

Hey, what do you think of the hair? Dude, you can't go.

What, too much product?

I don't know about the hair, but yeah.

I've been thinking about this, and I think we push this thing as far as it

go. You know, and the gods are starting to turn on us.

Turning? Are you kidding?

We got the car, I got the tickets. The gods love knowing you gotta confess.

What? Yeah, we had a taste of good life, man. We had the van, we had the trips

to the mini -mart.

We lived large, and we drank extra large.

But the party's over, dude. We can't do this to your mom and the girls.

I'm not gonna confess. I'm about to have the best night of my life.

Well, dude, you're gonna have to do it by yourself, because I'm not driving

What? Look, I'm considered an important part of this family now, and I can't

betray your mom's trust.

You understand?

I understand.

But it's going to break her heart when she finds out you knew all along.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You think someone let some 86 -pound, greasy -haired little punk intimidate

Thanks.

I always wondered what you'd look like without your uniform on. Not without

clothes. I mean, something underneath.

Is this mango?

You're cute.

Thanks.

It's a little cold in here.

I'll talk to my driver.

Uh, Elwood?

I'm pretending to tell you to turn the heat up, but just keep it cold so I can

warm her up Rory -style.

If you'd like to turn around and go home, what do you say?

Thank you, Elwood.

He'll be toasty in no time.

So, where are we sitting at the concert?

What concert?

OutKast.

You're funny, too.

Excuse me.

I forgot the tickets.

I know about these things, man. The gods are turning on us.

The gods aren't turning on us. I just left the tickets at home.

Now let's go get them.

In the meantime...

The gods, Rory, the gods.

Elwood's a very religious man.

I've been expecting you.

I forgot my tickets.

They're right here.

You left them on the coffee table.

I guess you haven't had time to talk to your mom yet.

I'm going to get to her, Grandpa, I swear.

Elwood's kind of freaking me out.

I'm going to do it, Grandpa. It's not tonight.

Why don't you just take which one of us is guilty? We don't even care anymore.

No, and how would I possibly figure out which one of you it was?

Pick a number?

You want to know the truth?

I'm not even mad anymore.

I'm just sad.

After all this family has been through, we have got to stick together, not hang

each other out to dry.

I can't take it anymore.

I want to stop.

I did it. I did it, all right? I'm the one who wrecked the car.

Did you hear that?

Your brother is so upset that he is willing to take the blame for something

he didn't even do.

Just to keep this family together.

Hurry, I'm so proud of you.

Honey, you better hurry. You're going to be late for the concert.

I'm not going.

I'm the one who wrecked the car.

Really.

You?

Seriously?

You drove the car?

You little... No one would take me to the mini -mart, so I drove myself.

There's no law against that.

Ah, yes, there is.

It's called the law.

It's up to you. Leave us alone with him for five minutes.

Give me those tickets.

You are going to the concert.

You go to your room.

I'm really sorry.

You took your mom's car?

I had no idea you were this cool.

I hide it pretty good.

Call me when you get out.

He'll be 40.

I don't know how long I'm grounded for, but it was worth it.

You're so hot.

What did I tell you about the cell phone? I gotta go. Give me that.

Well, I don't know, Jake. Let me ask him. Did you kiss her?

I'm not telling you.

Doubtful.

You have told a lot of stupid stunts, but never anything like this. What were

you thinking?

I don't know.

I don't know doesn't cut it, Rory. This is serious.

We both know that you never would have done anything like this if your dad was

around.

I know.

So why'd you do it? Maybe because everybody else in this household gets to

whatever they want, and I come last.

Nobody even listens to me. That is not true. I listen to you. No, you don't. I

tried to confess three times. I got a car, a girl, and concert tickets.

All right.

Maybe I'm not giving you my full attention.

But look, Rory, as good as Grandpa and CJ are at child rearing, I am basically

doing this by myself. And maybe sometimes you do fall through the

I'm sorry.

Mom, I just want to feel like what I say matters.

I hear you.

And I promise, from now on, Whatever you say matters.

Okay.

I don't think I should be grounded because I've been punished enough.

It doesn't matter.

My friends are going out tomorrow.

It doesn't matter. But there's a concert next weekend. It doesn't matter.