All language subtitles for 8_simple_rules_s02e17_mall_in_the_family

Rory, what you doing over there?

I typed up a list of stuff I'm going to
sell online.

People will buy anything.

Rory, give it up. No one's going to give
you any cash for your crap.

They will at sellyourcrapforcash .com.

Rory, you can't sell all your toys.

These are your childhood memories.

Mom, I've got a girlfriend now.

Childhood memories don't pay for the
movies, popcorn, and the lattes.

Lattes? Yeah, Missy's an uptown girl.

I married an uptown girl.

And now I live in my daughter's
basement.

Well, I do.

Hey, on traps, don't get up.

I think congratulations are in order.

You're looking at the new security
consultant for Franklin Glenn Mall.

You're a mall cop?

Bridget, listen to me. It's not that
hard.

I'm a security consultant at the mall.

First college and now a job.

You're almost ready for big boy pants.

You know, I dropped your comb in the
toilet this morning.

Mom, there's an art program in Europe
this summer and our teachers recommended

bunch of us. It's only $2 ,000. Can I
go?

Oh, only $2 ,000.

Well, sure. I'll just let one of the
houseboys go.

Hey, if she doesn't go, can we get some
houseboys?

Mom, I've always wanted to see...

myself in the art world. She just wants
to see the statue of David's wiener.

Real mature.

Yeah, come on, Rory. She wants to see
his butt, too. Nice.

Oh, come on, Mom. Can I go? Please,
please, please?

Well, honey, as compelling as C .J. and
Rory's argument is, and as much as I

would love you to go, $2 ,000.

You know, when Bridget needed extra
money, she got a job.

Oh, my God.

Never been used as an example before.

What are you talking about?

There are help -wanted signs all over
the food court at the mall. Forget it. I

will never, ever work in a disgusting
food court.

Welcome to Davy Crockett's. Remember the
Alamo?

Burger.

Oh, look at my little girl, her first
job.

Her skin's gonna break out so bad.

All right, honey, smile.

Say cheese.

Shoot me now.

It's so humiliating that Carrie has to
wear that.

I know.

Couldn't you at least get her a job at
Starbucks or something?

Yeah, but then we couldn't do this. Ew!

Bridget, I saw you swipe that drink.

I didn't swipe anything.

Refills are free.

No, no, Ma Barker. Let me tell you
something.

Only free refills are free, okay? Guess
how much 35 cent refills cost.

Don't get a brain jam.

Tell you what.

I'm going to let you two slide on this
one with a warning.

But I got my eye on you, okay? Hey, Mr.
Renacop, we're so... Hey, no, no, no.

What are you going to do? Take us to
mall jail?

Don't you laugh at me. Don't you laugh
at me. Look at Carrie.

Thank you. You're number 79.

Zach! What is going on? We're out of
fries again?

Okay, here's an idea. When you take out
one batch of fries, put another one in.

It'll almost be like we're in the
business of selling them.

How did you get this job anyway?

I was like, I need a job.

everybody. Sorry.

No, no, no. Don't be.

You know, Carrie, I think you got what
it takes to make it in the fast food

industry.

What's that? More skills than Zach?

I was gonna, like, ask you out, but you
can, like, now forget it.

Don't worry about him.

He's still gonna ask you out.

But you can't go because rank and file
can't date assistant managers.

Assistant manager?

I only worked here five days.

Yeah, and you showed up for all five.

That's a new Davy Crockett record.

So what do you think?

Well, I'm mortified.

This job was supposed to get me to Italy
and France, not become my career.

An extra buck fifty an hour.

Merci beaucoup.

Well, the money is rolling in.

I'm this much closer to a night in the
town with my lady.

You've already gotten paid, but all this
stuff is still sitting in the dining

room. We haven't even sent it off yet.

Oh, I get it.

Maybe it's just too hard to say goodbye
to Piggy McPig Pig.

It's just crap.

Even though he was your first kiss?

Shut up.

And it's she.

Besides, going to the post office is
just such a hassle. Well, it's going to

even a bigger hassle when people start
canceling their check.

Representing your couch, taking you to
court, leaving you no alternative but to

change your name to initials.

Hypothetically.

I have no idea how hard it is to run an
efficient hamburger stand.

You're right. I wouldn't know anything
about feeding a bunch of hungry, angry

teenagers who want what they want when
they want it. Let me tell you, it's not

easy.

You know, I just have to say, I think it
is great that everyone in this house is

working. Except Grandpa.

slacker. Now, Grandpa's worked his
entire life.

Unlike you, who's worked for, what, five
minutes?

Nonetheless, I'm very proud of all of
you.

Not easy with all these mouths to feed.

Are you listening, Grandpa?

Is that what I am? Another mouth to
feed? Oh, now, now, Dad, it's just a

Don't let CJ get under your skin.

Yeah, CJ, when are you going to start
contributing?

Now that you've got that prestigious
mall cop job.

I don't even live here anymore.

I am totally self -sufficient. By the
way, this isn't chunky.

Well, I can't even stop by for a snack.

Oh, no. Come by any time for a $5 jar of
peanut butter.

Well, look at Goodbye Mr. Chips over
there. He's got more food in the hair

his chest than I eat in a month.

That is such a lie.

Well, now, come on, Dad.

You've got to admit, you like your
chips.

Hey.

Just saying that you like your chips.

Then don't buy the damn chips if I'm
such a burden, such a mouth to feed.

It doesn't count that I spent 50 years
providing for my family, sending you and

your sister through college.

Fine. I'll just get a job like the rest
of you. Oh, now, Dad, don't be

ridiculous. You don't have to get a job.

plenty around here. Come on, I'm just
kidding. But for the record, when it

to chips, you're like a machine.

There must be someone out there willing
to hire a man of my experience in

engineering. Hey, Carrie, don't you have
that We Hire Old People program where

you work?

Bridget, no, come on. Yeah, I think
Grandpa qualifies. Can you get him a job

there? You are the boss.

He is old.

Bridget, Grandpa was an engineer. There
is no way he's going to work in the

disgusting food court in the mall.

Welcome to Davy Crockett's. Remember the
Alamo burger.

Okay, dude. Um, let me have a triple
Alamo burger, dude.

What happened to please, dude?

$67, please.

Is this yours, dude?

Whoa, dude.

I don't think I remember ordering the
side of dude.

Um, excuse me, Jim. Is there a problem?

Jim? I'm your grandfather, Gary.

Look, I'm sorry for any trouble you may
have had. Jim, please apologize.

Apologize? I'd sooner eat the food here.

Jim!

Look, I apologize.

Your meal's on us. Zach, can you take
the register? Jim, can I talk to you for

second? Only for a second. I've got a
cigarette break coming up, and I'm

a bit antsy.

What are you doing? You can't talk to
customers like that. Don't yell at me,

Carrie. You know I changed your diapers.

Did you wash your hands?

Right now, you work for me.

And where is your hat? I don't like it.
It makes my head itch.

Besides, when I put it down, Zach threw
it in the fryer later. He is such a

gutter.

Excuse me, ladies.

Oh, my God.

Shouldn't you and Scooby -Doo be out
solving the mystery of the dead -end

Is this her?

Oh, yeah.

That's her, all right.

She's the movie stealer.

I'll take it from here, friend.

Thank you. Movie stealer? What are you
talking about?

Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

Hey, you.

I said, move it along.

Nothing to see in this parameter.

What are you doing? He's gone. Now you
can let me go. I'm afraid I can't do

that. It would violate the oath I took
as mall security.

What oath?

The oath I took that says, blah, blah,
blah, 5 .15 an hour, blah, blah. Let's

go.

Oh, what the hell did I do now?

$137 .50? That can't be right.

Just give me five bucks.

Okay, you got me. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You think mall jail's funny?

It's not plugged in.

Shut up.

so... You should have thought of that
before you filled two hours of motion

picture entertainment.

I didn't steal anything, okay? Maybe I
went to the bathroom and when it came

out, I accidentally went into the wrong
theater for a second.

Went into the wrong theater?

You think you're talking to some stupid
rookie cop walking a food court beat for

the first time? Huh? Sister?

You're into peep stuff here, Winona.

Movie poaching is a serious offense.

Why don't you make it easy on yourself?

Avoid the needle. Start squawking. Admit
it.

I am not going to admit to something I
didn't do.

Besides, what do you do? Have me
arrested?

Worse.

We're going to ban you from the mall.

Oh, hi, Rory.

You fixed the lamp.

Yeah, all it needed was a new light
bulb.

Well, thank you. You're welcome.

Calico Cat Lady 1274 is going to love
this.

Uh, wait a minute. You can't sell my
stuff.

But I'm all out of my stuff, man.

Now, until you buy me more stuff, I've
got to sell your stuff.

Are you insane, Mom?

Well, crap doesn't grow on trees, you
know.

Am I insane?

Look at this. These are your
grandfather's reading glasses.

And Bridget's hairbrush?

People pay a lot of money for hair that
thick and shiny.

People will buy Bridget's hair?

People will buy Jessica Simpson's hair.

Well, if it isn't my little worker bees.

Dinner's going to be a little late.

Don't worry about me. I've got my own
dinner.

What's that?

Alamo chicken nuggets.

Guaranteed 100 % pure chicken products.

No beaks.

That should keep this mouth fed for a
week or two.

Oh, and I'm going to take my shower.
Kate?

I'll be sure and keep time so you can
send me my fair share of the water bill.

Dad, I was just kidding. I don't care if
you take a 30 -minute shower.

That wasn't a 30 -minute shower.

I fell.

Rory sold my chair.

Okay,

what's wrong?

All right, Carrie, I have to start
dinner.

School or boys?

I hate my job.

But, honey, you were feeling so good
about your promotion.

I know, until I found out I have to give
everyone an evaluation.

I supervise a bunch of slackers. If I'm
honest, I may get someone fired.

Well, maybe some of those people deserve
to be fired.

There's this guy who really sucks, but I
don't want to hurt his feelings.

Oh, honey, let me help.

Look, it's really sweet that you don't
want to hurt someone's feelings.

Even if one of your little friends has
to learn a tough life lesson, it doesn't

mean that you should shirk your
responsibility. It's Grandpa.

I gotta start dinner.

Hey, Dad.

If you're coming to collect the rent, I
don't get paid till the end of the week.

You made your point, Dad.

You can quit your job now.

Happy?

I love my job.

You do?

Well, yeah, I know what it started out
to be, me proving a point. But, you

I enjoy having some place to go and
spending time with Carrie.

And tomorrow, I'm on fries.

It's really sweet that you like spending
time with Carrie.

Yeah, it is.

But you're kind of a pain in her ass.

Did she say that?

You know, I never liked her, Kate. She's
the bad one. Yeah, of course she didn't

say that. That's why I did.

But this is Carrie's first job.

And it's her territory. She's doing so
well.

You're kind of wrecking it. I'm wrecking
it?

Hey, I'm not that bad.

No, I'm not questioning your ability to
work. It's just that your attitude with

the customer... All right, all right, I
hear you.

I mean, this is Carrie's thing.

She needs it.

I don't want to be the one to ruin it.

Well, I guess I could turn in my name
tag.

But Zach threw it in somebody's burger
yesterday.

He's such a cunt.

All right, Miss Hennessy. Let's try this
one more time.

Where were you at 3 .57?

Watching a Cameron Diaz movie.

How'd she look? Good, I guess.

Was she in a bikini or jumping around in
underpants?

do with me getting busted? I'll do the
interrogating.

You say you're in the movie at 357.

That's funny.

Because the movie ended at 343.

Admit it. You left the movie, walked
down the hall, and you snuck into the

Reeves one. No!

Ban from the mall, Bridget!

You know what that means?

Nowhere to go after school.

You have to study and do organized
activities like band and glee club.

of missing Keanu in that tight biker
outfit.

No! For the last time, no, okay? And
Keanu was only in it for like five

We had this cheesy haircut that made him
look like a monkey. Oh, no!

And she sang like a parakeet.

Look, please, you can't ban me from the
mall. I'll do anything.

Anything? Anything.

Hmm. Rap for me.

I'm sorry. What? You know, bust a rhyme.

how cool I am.

No. No, I'm sorry. I don't think so.

Great. No.

Have fun cruising the mall online.

Fine. Fine. I'll do it. I'll... Fine.

Fine. That's smart.

I'll lay down the beat for you.

Your name is CJ.

You are so cool.

You just got into community college
school.

CJ, the kids are playing on the
escalator. I got it. Okay.

What's she doing here?

Oh, uh, there was an interrogation. I
thought I told you to charge her the

admission and let her go.

Yeah, we, uh... Oh, no. CJ, you're not
still making them bust rhymes, are you?

Wait, so you're not banning me from the
mall?

What are you talking about? We can't do
that.

Did you even read the oath?

All right, from the top.

Dude, I asked for this with no onions,
dude. Oh, yes, sir. Right away, sir.

Oh, there you are, sir.

Thanks. Yeah, come again, sir.

Grandpa, you handled that perfectly.

Oh, it's easy, Carrie.

You know, when I say sir, I'm thinking
jackass.

Wow, you're like the perfect employee.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Grandpa? You didn't call me Jim. Isn't
that against company policy?

Oh, those are the evaluations?

Yeah, Carrie, you have those
evaluations?

Um, Derek, you should know that Jim has
shown remarkable improvement since I

wrote this.

Oh, what a proud day. I'm wearing a
coonskin cap, and I've shown

Okay, give them to me.

Carrie, you gave Jim the lowest score in
Davy Crockett history. In history?

Yeah.

worse than the guy who whizzed in the
fry later.

Carrie, you need to lighten up. This is
just a food course.

Thanks a lot, Carrie.

You almost got me fired.

Well, I had to do my job. Besides, Mom
said you don't need to work.

Well, maybe I do.

Maybe I'm saving up for something very
special.

What, new knees?

No, I don't make knee money.

I'm saving up for my granddaughter's
trip to Europe.

That's so sweet.

Oh, I love you, Care Bear.

I love you, too.

Now get back on your register!

Oh, for the love of... Bridget, did I
ever tell you you're my favorite?

Uh, Grandpa, refill's 35 cents, right?

Well, honesty, good for you. Most people
just take them and go.

Yeah, well, I got caught by the short
arm of the law.

Good to see the lesson took.

No one's above the law.

CJ! I'm on my break.

Uh, Rory, could you set the table for
dinner?

Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. I'm
auctioning off Dad's Kirk Gibson rookie

card. Is Taylor Finax willing to pay big
bucks for this? You know, mister, I

think you're taking this a little too
far.

Why? I figure if the saps are willing to
pay it.

Look, Rory, this is not just a stupid
piece of cardboard.

Your father gave you this.

And it meant a lot to him. And one day
you may want to pass this on to your

children.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

I'm going to take it off the market.
Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Oh,

on a second.

What's that number there?

That's the amount of the latest bid.

Well, it just went up.

Again.

There's only a minute left.

I better take it off the market. Yeah,
touch that button, I'll break your arm.

Well, Mom, I think Dad would want me to
keep it. Yeah, he also wants you to go

to college.