Original subtitles

Leo, you're in here the same time every day.

You don't have the flu, or a stomach ache, or a rash.

The only thing making you sick is geometry. Now go back to class.

Fine. Same time tomorrow?

Go.

Hey, how's the mood in there?

You better have a rash you can see.

Hi, Mom.

Hey, honey.

Aren't you supposed to be at the tennis tryouts? Mom, listen.

I know how much you appreciate honesty, and I respect you way too much to tell

you some dumb stories, so here's the truth.

I was in chemistry class, a beaker broke, and now I think I have malaria of

prostate.

You know, there's only one cure for that.

Tennis.

I just don't want to play.

Honey, you are so good at it. And every year, the team begs you to come back.

Besides... The new coach is supposed to be terrific.

But I'm so busy with student council and school, and I finally got my nails the

way I want them.

Bridget, tennis could help you get into a good college.

Not that the major universities won't be impressed with your groundbreaking work

in the field of malarial prostate.

Fine, I'll try it. But can you just check out this rash? No!

So, how do I look?

Incredible.

Intimidating. Awesome.

No, I meant my skirt.

It would be so great having you on the team this year.

Oh, thanks, but I'm only here for one day, because I promised my mom I'd try

out, and then I'm done.

Come on, well, have fun.

And I think we have a shot at the championship with this new coach.

No, I don't care about a championship or a new coach.

I have way more important things to do with my life than play tennis.

Hi, I'm Coach McAllister.

Are you okay?

Yes. Oh, I live for this game.

That actually stunk a little bit.

Hi, I'm Sergeant Jim Egan, and this is the story of my military record in

It was the winter of 1950.

Hey, what are you guys doing?

We're line dancing.

What does it look like?

I'm shooting an oral history project for school.

It's about war heroes.

Uh -huh. Is Grandpa sitting on one?

Can we get on with this?

Sorry, Grandpa.

And action.

Hi, I'm Sergeant Jim Egan, and this is the story of my military. You know, I'm

trying to talk to a real war hero. You talk to me.

For Pete's sake. That's right, Gulf War, aerial recon.

Oh, yeah, there's nothing braver than coming face to face with a photograph of

the enemy.

Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you sit in a dark room looking at hundreds of photos

with a flashlight.

Hey, maybe I'm a hero.

You want to know what life was like on the front lines, why don't you just go

down in the basement and look through my footlocker? It's got my boots, my old

helmet, even some 78 records that we used to make to send home.

Records? Yeah, they were like letters to let the folks know we were okay.

Sorry, C .J., I'm going with Grandpa.

Why? She has some boots and old records?

I have a satellite photo of Bin Laden's hiding place.

I should probably give that to someone.

Oh, my God, Carrie, my new tennis coach is such a hottie. Not just a hot hottie,

a super hot hottie. Accent on the hot.

Carrie, I'm not kidding. I think I'm in love.

I appreciate falling in love with a new guy every week. No, no, this is

different. I've never felt the way I do around Scott. I mean, I'm giddy. I can't

concentrate. I'm flustered.

I haven't thought about shopping all day long.

So what do you think's going to happen?

I guess I'll have to send you out shopping for me.

I mean, with Scott, he's your coach.

For now.

But soon, I will join the pro tennis tour. He'll manage me. We'll travel all

over the world and fall madly in love.

All I have to do is graduate, and I do that at the end of the year.

If I pass chemistry... Oh, my God. Maybe this is just an impossible dream.

Let's say that you do graduate before your coach retires.

What makes you think he didn't even notice you? Oh, Carrie, he'll notice me,

okay? I truly believe Scott and I are supposed to connect on a deep spiritual

level. If that doesn't happen, I'll do my hair flip giggly thingy.

Good luck with that.

You see, Carrie, this isn't just a schoolgirl crush.

This guy's my soulmate.

You are looking at the future Mrs.

Scott mix something or other. I didn't really catch it.

I've seen the tapes of your matches, and we all need to work on our ground

strokes. Okay? And you, with the hair?

Bridget Hennessey.

Bridget Hennessey. You might want to try a headband.

Okay, let's start with a little drill. Anybody want to go first?

Bridget Hennessey reporting for duty.

I bet you have a very unorthodox technique.

Why do you say that? You don't have a racket.

Come here. I want you to bounce the ball and just drive it right down the line.

Well, that was great. That was great. Now let's see if we can get your racket

back a little further.

Yeah, just reach all the way back so you can really let it whip around.

Can you show me?

There. How's that feel? That feels right. That feels so right.

All right, now you guys are going to notice a huge difference in power. When

tell Bridget to go, just notice how she comes straight through.

Like I said, huge difference in power.

Leo, I know you want me to think you're going to throw up.

But I have kids. I know this trick.

So just swallow the oatmeal and get back to geometry.

You got McAllister on the new tennis coach? Oh, I'm Kate Hennessy. My

Bridget is on your team.

Your daughter is why I'm here.

She hit me in the ribs with a racket.

Sorry. Here, let's get this jacket off. Okay, I'm going to need a little help.

Just do it really slow.

Yeah, well, that's what I was thinking.

Wow.

Bad? Well, let's see.

Is it broken?

Take a deep breath.

One more?

For insurance.

Yeah, well, I don't think it's broken, but you're going to have a nasty bruise.

Do I sound like a baby? No.

Good. When you're done, can I have some chocolate ice cream?

You know, it's funny you say that.

When I was a kid...

Every time I would hurt myself, I wanted chocolate ice cream. So I just started

falling down on purpose.

Which was fun.

Until my parents made me wear a helmet everywhere.

Well, um, you're done.

Oh, really?

You don't want to take my blood pressure or hit me in the knee with a little

hammer? No, I think the Hennessy girls have done enough damage to you for one

day.

Well, thanks, Kate.

Well, yeah, you know, I'm here and...

This is what I do.

Okay, well, um, see ya.

See ya.

Yeah.

Hi.

Kate? Uh, yes?

I'm new in town.

Do you think you and I could go out sometime? You could show me the best

to get chocolate ice cream.

Well, I'm on my way to my Fat Busters meeting.

You? Yeah, it's a great place to meet chicks.

Hey, by the way, that pasta's 22 pudgy points.

Something's different about you.

No, it's not.

Oh, please. You're stirring that sauce with long, languid, circular motion.

When usually it's tight little frantic figure eights.

Somebody needs a job.

Oh, no. You can try to deny it.

But I studied aerial photography in the Gulf War.

My eye for detail is unfailing.

So you can tell me what's going on, or you can lay on the ground. I'll figure

out for myself.

All right.

This really cute, much younger guy just asked me out.

That's the way you want to play it, on the ground.

Jay, I never would have believed it myself.

It's Bridget's new tennis coach, and he's gorgeous.

Funny and charming and gorgeous.

And he asked me out.

Well, good for you, Foxy Brown.

I told him no.

What you talking about, Foxy?

He's too young and we work together.

Oh, who cares?

Come on, go out with the tennis coach, eh, Kate? You deserve a little fun. I

mean, let's face it, you're not getting any...

Fun around here.

You know, CJ, the truth is I'm still not ready for anything like that.

Oh, yeah? Why the crazy story?

Well, that's a whole other thing.

What? You can tell me.

Come on.

Well, CJ, I felt something that I haven't felt for a long, long time.

I mean, when I was standing in the room with Scott, my...

palms got sweaty, my face got flushed. I was just so incredibly turned on.

And it made me feel so... Scared.

No, no, not exactly. No, no, I'm scared.

These are the artifacts of Sergeant Jim Egan, a real war hero.

What have we here?

This is his helmet. What must have it felt like to be in battle?

Dark?

What have we here?

These records were sent back home. The loved ones would know their soldiers

okay.

Let's hear what one of these brave men had to say, shall we?

Is this thing on?

My dear Lord, don't despair.

I know these last few years have been very hard on you, but don't worry.

I'll be home soon.

Very soon.

Because tomorrow, my best buddy Stinky's going to shoot me in the foot.

If you actually want that to bleed, I can stick you with something.

I was trying to see if I could... Hey, did you change your mind about the ice

cream? No, I'm just looking for Bridget. Oh.

She left about ten minutes ago.

What?

She's supposed to give me a ride home. She's got my car.

That's too bad.

I could give you a lift home.

Oh, no, Scott. I really don't think that that's a good... Just a ride.

Point A to Point B.

Well, what are you going to do? Diddy cab?

Hitchhike?

Okay, fine.

Okay.

Thanks.

But if we do pass a great ice cream place, could you at least point it out?

Don't get it. This guy I like at school will not give me a second look. I mean,

is hot out this year?

I wish.

In my experience, if you're coming on really strong and all you're getting

are dead eyes, there's only one explanation.

They're gay.

Not this guy.

Nah, you'd be surprised.

95 % of the girls I hit on, gay.

Believe me, he's into women.

Well, maybe he already has one. No, I doubt it. He just moved here. I've never

seen him with anyone, and there are no pictures on his desk.

Well, what high school kid has pictures on their desk anyway?

Oh, no, he's not a student. He's my new tennis coach.

He's your what now?

My tennis coach.

I couldn't hear you because of all the glare.

Well, that was fun.

Well, just for the record, all I did was drive. You're the one that suggested

the ice cream.

We had already parked in front of the ice cream place and shut off the engine.

Seems like my only option.

Why are you sitting over here?

What do you mean? I always sit here. It's the best seat in the house.

You just want me to move so you can sit here, huh?

What's going on out there?

Nothing. Want to shoot hoops in the driveway? Come on, it's fine.

Listen, since we've already had an accidental date, how'd you like to try

purpose?

You know what?

I'd like that a lot.

Nothing, nothing.

Probably just a ride home. Oops.

Oh, she won't be laughing when she finds out that ice cream's 36 pudgy points.

She's not. She's not happy at all.

It's a sugar high.

What are you talking about?

You, my coach?

Oh, well, he just gave me a ride home because somebody forgot to pick me up.

that's it? That's all that happened? He gave you a ride straight home? What, in

his ice cream truck?

What is wrong with her?

Well, you know, your dessert buddy, Bridget, is kind of totally super in

with him.

Oh, my God.

And I just agreed to go on a date with him.

What am I going to do now?

One of you dupes?

You know, it's frightening how well you know me.

Honey,

CJ just told me about your crush.

I don't have a crush. I have a life plan.

Well, whatever it is, I didn't know. And that must have looked really weird

seeing us both on the porch like that.

I just wanted to reassure you that there is nothing going on with me and Scott.

Oh, now it's Scott?

Well, that's his name.

We're both adults. That's what I call him. Yeah, and what about all the

and the secret ice cream?

It wasn't secret.

We were having fun.

Fun? Oh, and I suppose you don't find him good -looking.

I'm not blind.

I noticed that he was good -looking. I am a woman.

You're not a woman. You're a mother.

I have to tell you, but you can be both.

Or are you unclear on how I became a mother? Yeah!

Look, now, Bridget, isn't this a good thing that I'm actually attracted to a

man? I thought that this might never happen again.

Great, great. You're attracted to men again. I get it.

What, are you two going to start dating?

No.

We're just friends.

Nothing happened.

And nothing's going to happen?

Right.

And nothing's going to happen.

Come in.

Come on, we're losing a lot.

Sergeant Jim Egan reporting for duty.

Wind that thing up and let's go.

Yeah, I think we have enough, Grandpa.

Hey, come on, I put my uniform on.

Well, I couldn't get into the pants, but...

I thought it would lend some authenticity.

Yeah, authenticity's good.

I was going to tell you how I got my Purple Heart.

That was my ticket home, you know. We know all about your ticket home.

He always told us you were on patrol and got shot in the butt.

Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

We heard the record, Grandpa.

We know you had your buddy Stinky shoot you in the foot.

You heard that, huh?

Yeah. Now come over here. Come on.

Let me tell you a little something about war.

That day we'd come under a heavy attack and a couple of my buddies got hurt real

bad.

And, well,

I was scared. I was homesick. And that night, and I'm not proud of this, but I

got drunk.

Real drunk.

Dance with Stinky drunk.

And we made that recording.

But I never had Stinky shoot me in the foot.

Really? Really.

The next morning, I sobered up and I joined my buddies back up on the line.

So you didn't make up all this hero stuff?

Of course not.

If I'm going to make up some story to make me a hero, would I make up a story

where I got shot in the ass?

I'm really not kidding this time, Mr. Tennessee. I got a headache and I feel

kind of nauseous.

Well... You know, you actually do feel warm.

I've got just the thing.

Arm or butt?

Geometry.

Hey, I got your message. Is everything okay? Oh, hi.

Come on in.

Uh, God, I can't go out with you.

Why? What happened?

Well, I had some time to think, and I guess I just got swept away yesterday.

That could be a good thing.

It was a good thing.

It was a great thing.

But for a lot of reasons, it's just too complicated.

Because I'm Bridget's coach.

Well, that might have a little something to do with it.

You know, Bridget really loves being on the team.

I wouldn't want to do anything that would make her feel awkward.

Well, she's not that good. I could cut her from the team.

I'm kidding. She's my best player.

But I'd still cut her.

Okay, I get it.

All right, I don't want to do anything that will make you feel awkward.

Thanks for understanding.

And thank you for a terrific day.

So, I guess I'll see you around campus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, what was that?

I just really wanted to see if my lips still work.

They do.

Bye, Scott.

Mom, look at him, he's sleeping.

I feel so guilty for ever doubting him.

I know, I mean, he was scared and homesick and he still went back to the

line. That's a real hero.

Check his feet. I'm on it.

I didn't do it.

Hey. Hey.

I see the stirrings are back to normal.

Things are fine.

Well, I'm off to my first meeting of grieving pet owners.

Do you have a pet?

Not anymore.

Pretty good, huh?

Don't judge me. I'm helping those cat ladies.

Hey, Mom, can I talk to you for a second? Sure, honey.

Look, I was totally off base before when I saw you and my coach together. I just

freaked out, but I want to apologize.

Well, thank you.

I appreciate that.

And P .S., I was completely nuts to think you and him would ever be

mean, no offense, Mom, but in what whacked -out world would hot young Scott

into you?

It's crazy.