All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S09E19.Grand.Theft.Scooter.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Back in the '80s, the special
ladies in my life,

my girlfriend, Brea,
and my mom,

weren't always
on the same page.

Adam's kind of a nerd.

Brea Bee,
I will run over your bike.

She just tried to ship me off
to the North Pole.

She called our family crazy
for some reason.

And as the sun set
on my senior year,

splitting time between them
proved very tough.

I can't sit
next to my girlfriend?

You're sitting next to
your original girlfriend.

That is, until my mom hit us
with a big surprise.

Hello, Adam and Brea.

Or as they say in Miami,

"Hola, Adam and Brea."

A year ago
this would've surprised me,

but now I just say,
"There she is."

- Don't engage.
- Too late.

Brea already made
eye contact,

and now I want to show
you both my special gift.

It's an early
graduation present

for my Mr. Pibb
and his little Orange Crush.

- Is it soda?
- Brea, this isn't your house.

Here we have soda
whenever we want it.

- Open it.
- Careful.

It could still be a trap.

Adam, it's just a box.

You are really taking
a long time.

Yay!
I'm incredibly generous.

Plane tickets to Miami?!

Because I love Adam,
and you're
the girl he loves for now.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you!

You deserve it.

Okay,
now, what's the catch?

Is it a catch
that you'll be staying

in a luxurious
beachfront condominium?

- Awesome.
- Keep going.

That was left to me
by my beloved father.

- Oh.
- Continue.

Which still contains
all of his belongings

that I've been unable
to deal with.

- I see.
- She's not finished.

So in between
fun in the sun,

I'll need you to sort,
label, and box these items,

which are loaded
with emotional significance.

Why didn't I see it?

And the capper is...

Oh, well,
I'm coming along, too.

And there it is!

Adam, wait.
It is Miami.

And she said we'll still get
a lot of fun in the sun.

So much sun.
Maybe too much.

Adam tends to burn where
his tushy meets his thighs.

It'll be every night
with the aloe for me.

C'mon. What do you say?

For me?

Fine.
But I get to wear

my Police Academy 5:
Assignment Miami Beach
T-shirt.

- Daddy needs a win, too.
- Yay!

My baby and I
are going on a trip!

And Brea will be there.

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

It was April 20th,
1980-something,

and my sister was
at a crucial juncture

on her way
to becoming a lawyer.

She was about to find out
her LSAT score.

Relax,
I'm sure you did great.

You've been working so hard.

Now, open it.

Oh, my God. I bombed.

Come on.
I'm sure you just...

Wow, that is a low score.

Okay, how do I spin this?

You're so pretty!

It's over.
Forget law school.

I'm just gonna be
a doctor's wife

who drives around aimlessly
crying in her Mercedes.

Or you just take
the test again.

You're the smartest person
I know.

Crap. Barry's coming.

And he just got
his MCAT scores.

God, I bet he aced 'em,
the idiot.

He can't know about this.

But he knows
you took the test.

I mean, I'm not sure
we can keep it from him.

It's called lying, Geoff.

And a husband lies
for his wife.

No matter what
the circumstances are
or how wrong she is.

- He does?
- Do you remember that woman

who was arrested for burying
her mailman in the garden?

Where did her husband
say that she was that weekend?

Apple picking in Vermont?

Exactly.

Because that's
what marriage is,

love and
covering up heinous crimes.

I don't know.
I've never lied
to Barry before.

Oh, it's easy.
I'll show you.

There's my
favorite person

who definitely doesn't
smell like the towel

that you use
to dry the dog.

Actually, sister,
what you're smelling

is the musk of dominance.

'Cause I just crushed
the MCAT.

Nice, Bar!

It is nice.

I now have my pick
of med schools.

And everyone in this mall

will be a flea on my rump
if I were a horse.

Unless they're my patient,
in which case,

they'd be the salt lick
to my horse

and get the best care
money can buy.

Got a little lost
in the horse talk,

- but all sounds great, I think.
- Yeah.

Oh, Erica did well
on her LSAT.

- A perfect score.
- Wow, okay.

I'll have my pick
of law schools,

but I'll probably focus
on helping people

instead of making money.

Thus proving how lawyers
are dumber than doctors.

Now, who will fetch me
a celebratory stromboli?

And who will fetch mine?

- Uh, I guess me?
- There ya go.

Those of us
who aced graduate-level

standardized tests
need to be served.

- Okay.
- And all the napkins.

I... I'm a little surprised.

You're famously terrible
at taking tests.

Well, now I'm famously
the best at it.

And let's drop it because
I'm also famously modest.

Oh, my God.
Is he choking?

Relax, food court!

I just did very well
on my MCAT!

I'm basically a doctor!

Now, if a patient
can't make a sound,

then
he's definitely choking.

Sir, are you choking?

You gotta speak up,
I can barely hear you.

He's obviously choking, Barry!
Do something!

I'm diagnosing, Erica.

Try coughing.

Out, calzone!

Ugh! Disgusting.

What the hell just happened?

This lady just saved
the old man's life.

She's a hero.

While Barry stewed
at Erica basking in the sun,

Brea and I were ready to catch
some rays of our own.

We're headed to the beach.

Brea's gonna bodysurf

while I watch
from the shore.

I saw a picture of Pinocchio
at the airport,

and my fear of whales
is bubbling up.

Sounds good.
And you know what?

I might not even need
your help at all.

- Really?
- Yeah, I'm just, uh,

emotionally ready for this,
you know?

Like, here's my dad's sweater.
It even smells like him.

There's no sense of loss,

just lots
of warm memories.

That's great, Mom.

Aw, see, right now,
I'm remembering the first time

he ever took me
to the park.

And I wanted to go on the
swings, but I was so nervous.

- Aww.
- Big aww.

We should get going.

So he put my little hand
in his.

It was so strong
and encouraging.

That's him alright.

Cowabunga.
The sand awaits.

I felt so safe
and loved.

And now,
because he's gone,

because he was stolen
from me...

Balls.

...I'll
never feel that way again!

Oh-ho, God!

Please tell me that's someone
to tell us there's
a hurricane.

I'll get rid of them.
You two need to witness more

of the deep personal bond
I had with my father.

Hello.
Are you Beverly?

Uh, that depends.

Is this about the speed limit
in this community?

Because six is

I'm Charlotte.

I was a friend
of your dad's.

Well,
a girlfriend really.

Ah, yes.
Yeah, he had a lot of those.

Um, but don't worry, I'm sure
you were the special one.

Oh, Adam?

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Adam,
do you know this woman?

Does he know me?

We came in second
in the condo
talent competition

with our soaring rendition
of the "Banana Boat Song."

What. The actual. Hell.

How many times have you met

this woman
I've never even heard of?

All four times
he visited Albert down here.

Adam Goldberg.

The "F" is actually for
Frederick, but you know that.

And Brea's here, too.

Wait, you know Brea?

Well, let's be clear, no.

I spoke to her once
on the phone

when Pops was opening
Adam's pistachios.

It was
a particularly stubborn batch.

None of this makes sense.

Well, I had just clipped
my nails.

Not your comely
feminine fingers, this woman.

I can see that
this is very complicated

and difficult for you, Beverly,

so I'll give you time
to process and drop by later.

Ta.

Congrats on NYU.

After Charlotte's visit,
I wanted to disappear.

Meanwhile, Erica was enjoying
the spotlight.

This old dude
couldn't breathe.

We were losing him,
and as others froze...

I was assessing the situation,
thank you.

...this man's life
was in my hands.

These hands.

So delicate yet strong.

Like lady hammers.

- Can I touch them?
- No.

I'm a tactile learner,
but okay.

And I summoned
all my strength.

And thrust! Thrust! Thrust!

And then, calzone nub.

And so, life.

Wow.
How'd you know what to do?

Instinct. Intelligence.

Perfect skin.

Um, and bravery.

There was also
that Heimlich chart

next to
the Orange Julius kiosk

that we happened
to be looking at earlier.

But where does the bravery
come from?

Like, how do you have it
and others... Don't?

I don't know.
Maybe it stems from my credo,

"You either live for something
or you die for nothing."

That's
Rambo: First Blood's credo.

Yeah,
and he got it from me.

Questions? More praise?

Can you take a look
at this mole on my neck?

She's not a doctor-to-be.
I am.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
she clearly has a knack

for this sorta thing.
What do you think?

- Should I be worried?
- Honestly, yes.

I'm scared,
but it's good to know.

Anyway, the mall is holding
a ceremony to honor me

as Food Court Hero
of the Year,

so you guys should all come.

She's getting free strombolis
for life

and something called
the "Golden Tray."

Okay, you did fine punching
that old geezer in the gut,

but I'm
the real doctor here.

I crushed the MCAT.

Being a doctor isn't about
filling in test bubbles.

Bar, maybe you can be
one of those doctors

that runs the hospital.

You know,
a little less hands on.

Yeah,
one of those admin types

who's always worried about
the budget,

and denies healthcare to kids
because of insurance issues.

That's it.

One way or another,

I'll reclaim
my medical dominance.

And you'll all be begging me
to exam your moles and bodies.

As Barry swore
he, too, could be a hero,

my mom still saw me
as the villain.

Hitting the beach?

Or would
you rather not tell me,

because you're a son
who gets a cheap thrill

from harboring
dark family secrets?

Alright, relax.

What kind of boy
doesn't tell his own mother

about his grandpa's lover?

I don't know, a normal boy?

I just can't believe
that this Charlotte

was the only serious
relationship he'd had

since my mother died
and I had no idea!

Maybe he didn't tell you

because it wasn't actually
that serious.

Well, this box of pictures
and love letters
says otherwise.

Who's up for story time?

Oh, that seems like
a terrible idea.

They could be deeply personal
a-a-a-and she's reading them.

"Albert, my stallion..."

We had
very different grandpas.

"Last night
on the shuffleboard court,

our bodies moved as one."

That doesn't sound
too serious.

Just a couple of teammates
in an innocent game.

"As the waves crashed over us,
the sea and sand

filled what little space
there was between us."

Sand in the bathing trunks.
So annoying.

I'm with Charlotte
on this one.

"Also that thing with your
hands, how did you do that?"

Fine. I'll admit
that it was serious

if you please stop reading.

And then
there's the pictures.

Close your eyes, Brea.

- What?
- Just do it.

Dancing on New Year's Eve,

ice cream on the pier,
riding his scooter.

These all sound like
innocent photos, Adam.

Not worth the risk.

Wait,
his mobility scooter.

That's where it is.

That hussy stole it!

Wild accusation.

But you seem to be
off the photos.

Oh, look.
A whole roll of
hot tub photos.

I don't think
I like my graduation gift.

Who's taking
these pictures?

Erica had heroically saved
a choking man.

Naturally, that meant my
brother needed his moment,
too.

Welcome, dear family.

Thank you all for coming.

Yesterday I didn't properly
celebrate my sister's heroism.

So in her honor,
I present this feast.

Enjoy.

Weird assortment of foods,
Big Tasty.

- I know.
- Gobstoppers, hot dogs,

marshmallows,
giant carrot pieces...

Um, are these by chance
the foods

one might be most likely
to choke on?

Oh, don't be silly.

Now, who wants
a genetically engineered

extra-large table grape?

Barry, it really seems like
you're hoping

one of your best friends
starts choking.

If it happens, no biggie.
I'm here.

Keep your keister parked,
guest of honor.

- Andy, elephant grape?
- No, thanks.

Is it because
you have a baby mouth?

I don't have a baby mouth.

No, I just ate.

Was it a jar
of Gerber's pureed ham

because of your
aforementioned baby mouth?

No.
And they puree ham?

They puree everything.

Ravioli, stew,
Texas Roadhouse prime rib.

It's a great era
to be a baby.

Yeah,
that seems way wrong.

What's way wrong is
you're afraid

to eat these
adult-sized fruit treats.

Dammit,
I'll eat the dumb grape.

Huh?

Mmm-mmm.

It's pretty good,
- actually.
- I know.

- It's juicy.
- Oh.

- Holy crap, it's happening.
- Bar, he just coughed.

Your savior is here,
little friend.

Oh! My ribs!

Barry, he can talk.
That means he's fine.

His breathing
is labored.

Oh, please let me go!

And life!

You are forever
in my debt.

Your hands went way too low, bro.

Way too low!

Wow, I thought doctors

are supposed to
make people feel better.

Face it,
you're not the healer I am.

I'm more concerned
that my patient is alive.

Alive? Barely!

While Barry learned a lesson
about himself,

my mom knew
I was the easiest way

to get what she wanted
from Pops' ex.

I'm really not sure
about this.

This is our
best chance we have
to get that scooter back.

No woman can say no
to your deliciousness.

Am I right?

I feel like
a piece of meat.

Hey, the sooner we get
the scooter back,

the sooner
we can get to the beach.

Now, let's see how you look
in my tank top.

Mama's little muscle man!

You're on. Sparkle.

Oh, hi, Adam.

Hiya.

Can you chat for a minute?

Anything for Albert's boy.

Pops' scooter is missing,

and I'm pretty sure
that you've got it.

And if I can get it back,
that'd be great.

Honestly, I don't recall
Albert owning a scooter.

But my memory
isn't what it used to be.

Okay,
we are not gonna fall

for your doddering old lady routine.

Of course
you're behind this.

Albert said
that you could be difficult.

Oh, do you know
what he told me about you?

Nothing!

So maybe your relationship

was more important to you
than it was to him.

Or maybe you weren't
as close with your father

as you thought you were.

Well, I never.

Well, I always.

With your father.

We're getting
that scooter back.

Can't get back
what I don't have!

As Charlotte threw that
in my mom's face,

it was time for Barry to face

that Erica was gonna get
her Golden Tray.

I can't believe my dumb sister
is Food Court Hero
of the Year.

I can't believe there is
a Food Court Hero of the Year.

It is
a weirdly specific honor.

And Erica got a perfect score
on the LSAT?

She's such
a terrible test-taker.

Yep, she nailed it alright.
Got a hundred.

Wait, Are you saying
she scored 100 points?

Uh, yes, Barry,

that's what
a perfect score is. 100.

A perfect score on the LSAT
is 48.

No, it's not.
Right, guys?

Dammit. Please don't
tell her I said she bombed.

I didn't know she bombed until
right this moment, Geoffrey.

Oh, no!

Oh, hey, can you back up?

The ring of honor
is for heroes only.

Is it also for people
who bomb their LSAT?

You're so pretty!

Do you remember when
I was saying that earlier?

- You're so pretty.
- That's okay, Erica.

Lying's not against the law.

Or is it?
You wouldn't know.

Whatever. You've wanted to be
a doctor your entire life,

but now you know that
you don't have what it takes.

And I have a Golden Tray
to prove it.

Attention, everyone. We're
canceling today's ceremony.

Unfortunately, the man
who was saved
just passed away.

It gets better and better.

Wait, we can still have
the ceremony.

I gave that geezer
one more week of life.

Unless your sloppy Heimlich
is what killed him.

Too much force, maybe a rib
punctured his lung,
it happens.

I think
I heard "hit by bus."

Ah.

I want my Golden Tray.

That seems in poor taste.

- Give it.
- Oh.

He said it's not yours!

You know
it's painted plastic?

- Give me that tray!
- I earned it!

Okay, enough.
I've known you two forever

and you're still doing
this crap?

Kicking each other
when you're down?

How about supporting
each other for once?

I'm so sick of it.

Why did we come here?

Our lives are too small.

So much to examine.

As Barry and Erica
realized Geoff had a point,

all signs pointed to
Brea and I

getting the spring break
we were promised.

I can't believe we're
finally going to the beach.

It'll be worth the wait.

I bet the stars
will look beautiful.

- Mm.
- Not as beautiful as you, of course.

Aww.

What the hell, woman?!

So in the dark
you couldn't see me.

What are you up to now?

Stealing back
my father's scooter

under the cover of night.

But what if you get caught?

The condo security folks
are weirdly intense.

I'll just hide
in the ocean, Adam.

It's right there.

Brea, I think
I need to keep an eye on this.

Let's just get changed.

And so began the dumbest caper
in the history of capers.

We snuck down there,
then over that way,

got super lost, and went back.

We even did this thing
for some reason.

And, finally, next to

the clearly marked
"scooter parking" sign,

it was, hello, Pops' scooter.

Turns out, our strange night
of creeping around with my mom

was a success...

Until we were easily caught.

Hold it right there.

It's the fuzz!
Johnny Law!

Smokey! The Blue Meanies!

- Adam.
- I'm panicking.

I've never been held
at flashpoint before.

That's my scooter
they're taking.

This isn't yours.

I can tell
by the bumper sticker.

"I Scooty for the Booty."

It's suggestive
in all the right ways.

- Is it?
- You know, come to think of it,

my dad had a Jolly Roger flag
on the back of his scooter.

He was a scamp.

Well, I didn't have to use
my defibrillator,

so I'mma chalk this up
as a win.

Mom, it's officially time
to let the scooter go.

This isn't
about the scooter.

He clearly loved her,
and I never knew about it.

I thought we were close,
but now...

I don't know.

After unpacking
her true feelings,

my mom was back to packing up
Pops' stuff.

Okay, we're finally off
to catch some rays

and splash in the surf.

Have fun.
But be careful, though.

I heard on the radio
they found a dead great white
on the beach.

Apparently, it was killed
by a bunch

of very territorial
sea snakes.

There are sea snakes?

The Jolly Roger.

[BLONDIE'S
"ONE WAY OR ANOTHER"
PLAYS]

We are never gonna touch sand,
are we?

No, we are not.

Bring back
my dad's scooter!

But that wasn't happening,

so my mom took off on
a thrilling, high-octane chase

that was neither thrilling
nor high-octane.

Going somewhere?

Oh, hi, hi.

Ma'am, can we borrow
your scooter?

And in return,
my son can read to you.

- What?!
- I like stories about Germans.

Thank you.

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ I'm gonna find ya ♪

Coming through.

It's an emergency.

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ I'm gonna win ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna get ya,
get ya, get ya, get ya ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ I'm gonna see ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna meet ya,
meet ya, meet ya, meet ya ♪

♪ One day ♪

♪ Maybe next week ♪

♪ I'm gonna meet ya ♪

♪ I'm gonna meet ya,
I'll meet ya ♪

- Oh, my God!
- Are you two okay?

I'll be fine.

In jail.
For grand theft scooter.

Beverly,
I know it sounds silly,

but this damn scooter
actually meant something
to me.

Oh, no.

I am the one
who deserves to be upset.

Because I was the one
kept in the dark.

'Cause for some reason,
he never wanted me to
meet you.

Well, how do you think
that made me feel?

I asked Albert a million times
if we could meet,

and he kept saying, "Soon."

And now he's gone
and this is how we meet.

Keep the damn scooter.

As my mom wrecked everything,

Barry and Erica were putting
the pieces back together.

Hey, can we talk
for a sec?

Whatever.

We just want to thank you.

What? Why?

You called us out
on all our B.S.

And it's what we needed.

My sister's pretty awesome,

and it makes me insecure.

Like worrying maybe
I won't make it as a doctor.

And even though
he's a giant goofball,

sometimes I feel
the same way.

I lash out at him
when, really,

I should be going to him
for help.

I'm gonna help her study
for the LSAT.

Yeah, I kinda blew off
studying because I was scared

that if I tried,
I still wouldn't do well.

Yeah, but we know
that's not true.

I'm gonna help her crush
that test.

This is great.

It's all I ever wanted.

Well,
here's something else.

For your courageous work

above and beyond
the call of duty.

You're our hero,
Geoffrey Schwartz.

This is so thoughtful.

I, of course,
need to return this

because it's stolen property, but...

- Of course.
- We gave you a chore.

With Geoff's help,
Erica and Barry

realized they didn't need
to be rivals.

Now I wanted to do the same
for my mom and Charlotte.

Oh... It's you.

Adam said he wanted to talk
to us together.

♪ And if the lights
are all down ♪

Pops used to say,
"Nobody's perfect.

"But that doesn't mean
we should
ever stop trying to be."

And I think when it came
to dealing with you two...

Well, he finally proved
that he wasn't perfect either.

Even though he was as close
as anyone could be.

He should've introduced
you guys.

It might've been hard, but
I know it would've worked out.

And now that
you're both here,

maybe you can do
what he couldn't.

Why don't you and Brea
head to the beach?

Charlotte and I could use some
time to get to know
each other.

If that's okay with you.

I would like that.

And, Adam, thank you.

You remind me more and more
of him every day.

♪ I'm gonna get ya ♪

It's strange the things
we can be afraid of.

Or how our own family
might react

when we admit
that we need them.

But in the end, it almost
always turns out better

than we fear.

And by being open and honest,
our lives get a little richer.

♪ One way or another,
I'm gonna get ya ♪

Because we share them
with the people we love.

I think it's important we all
master the Heimlich maneuver.

That's actually
not a bad idea.

Saving lives. Sign me up.

Totally. Where do we start?

With you.

- You're gonna be our dummy.
- Wait, what?

Harder thrusts, Geoff. Harder.

There ya go,
that looks kinda right.

It's way wrong,
but I love that commitment.

Yeah!

At least it's all over

and we're all more knowledgeable
about medicine.

Nah, if anything,

we went backwards.

Going again.

Catch him before
he gets to the door.