Original subtitles

Good evening.

Welcome and a special greeting to all you television engineers who can't

read.

Thank you.

Now I look a trifle foolish.

I should like to make one thing clear at the outset.

This does not refer to me personally.

Transmission has been faulty in some areas, and viewers have been complaining

about the condition our picture has been in when delivered.

We also have difficulty with friends of mine of a suspicious nature.

Anything I send them is immediately submerged in a bucket of water. It

rather messy.

This evening we are sending you a surprise package.

It is entitled A Matter of Murder and is about a gentleman named Sheridan

Westcott who is surprised by the theft of a possession he holds dear.

It is also about some thieves who are in for a surprise of their own. But first

there is some postage due.

A kind friend has volunteered to accept this obligation.

He asks only one small favor in return.

That he be allowed to insert this small personal message.

nothing during nothing. Ready?

See if you can find those Illinois plates.

Well,

then.

Huh?

You watching the big parade go by?

Floats? Miss Universe in a bikini? Huh?

I was just looking at the rolls, Uncle Harry.

She's a beaut.

Yeah, that's right. She's a beaut.

Well, this beaut's got to be over the border tonight.

So get into those coveralls and get that scraper going.

My sister's kid I've got to bring into the business.

Harry, you've got to do something for Welton, she says.

He'll become a juvenile delinquent.

Like that Maserati we took last month.

Oh, every hubcap missing.

What's the matter, Harry?

Hey!

For heaven's sake, where's your phone?

What? What? My wife's been kidnapped. My wife. My wife. Where's your phone? They

stole my car and kidnapped my wife. Yeah, yeah. Inside.

The last time, Weldon, shut up. What did I say? All I said was, gee, a rose.

Maybe we ought to keep it. Weldon, that's not laundry in there. That's a

Weldon. I know that, Uncle Harry. A stiff.

Strangled.

We get caught with this wagon, then what do I tell the cops?

Huh?

Excuse me, officer. Do you know where the lost and found department is?

What do we do?

You, stop wiping off the fingerprints. We're taking this heap back.

Back? Back!

It's his car and his body, and he's getting them both back.

Now, miss, your aunt's been kidnapped, but let's not go off the deep end.

Isn't there some way to reach them?

Reach them, Miss Bentley?

Contacts. With the underworld, you have things like that, don't you, Lieutenant?

We have them. Look, I'll pay anything, anything they ask, Lieutenant. I want my

wife back.

Now, Mr. Westcott, you're not going to help your wife if we go charging off in

the wrong direction.

The lieutenant's right, Sheridan.

Now, Mr. Westcott, let's check it out.

You were out at the end of this pier.

Yes, yes, yes.

Your wife was in the car. Yes, that's right. We often go out in the country

time of year.

Fine, fine. Your wife's in the car.

And you were back with Turntor.

And you spin around when you hear their brakes. Yes, Phoebe screamed.

You heard her scream?

I can still hear it.

How many men were there?

I don't know. Four or five.

Definitely a gang.

Young, middle -aged, old. I don't remember.

No, no, wait.

Wait, one was an older man.

One? Yes, yes.

Heavy set, very bald, dark glasses.

I only caught a glimpse, but I'm sure of that.

What about their clothes?

Are there jackets, caps?

No, no, suits.

Bald, heavy set, dark glasses, suits.

Do you know the gang, Lieutenant? They pull up alongside your car.

Doesn't that sound like... It sure does, Lieutenant.

But it can't be.

That's right. It can't be.

What are you two talking about there?

Do you know who's got my wife? No, Mr. Westcott.

No, it can't be.

That's right. It sounds like Philadelphia Harry, but it can't be.

Who? Philadelphia Harry, a car thief.

One of the best, Miss Bentley. Tops.

Well, if it sounds like him and it looks like him, why couldn't it be him?

Harry kidnapped somebody?

Impossible.

Even if it sounds impossible, Lieutenant, shouldn't you do something

before it's too late?

Yes, arrest them.

Unless you want to be responsible for my wife's murder.

Harry murder?

Harv, when we get back, maybe you better run a teletype through on Harry. We'll

find out if he's in the area.

It seems to me, Lieutenant, you already know he's in the area.

A police work is a lot different than you think, miss.

Even when we know something, we check it out.

We'll run that teletype and see.

Philadelphia, Harry?

The protest was strongly worded, but as of this moment, there is no

reaction from the governor. The statement is expected not later than

Turning to the local news front, Mrs. Phoebe Westcott, the former Phoebe Triss

of the Triss Shipbuilding Company, was kidnapped this morning at Gillies Lake

just beyond lookout point.

A notorious auto thief known as Philadelphia Harry and his gang are

and according to the police, an arrest can be expected momentarily.

broadcast? Me.

A kidnapper. Every cop in the department knows better than that, Harry. You

never heard a fly, Harry.

20 years in the business.

You build up a decent reputation, Pop. In a minute, nothing.

Why don't we just take it someplace and just leave it, Uncle Harry?

You asking me, Weldon, or telling me?

Ask him.

Because, Weldon, in the first place, we bought this car somewhere, and right

away the cops know it's us.

You heard the radio, huh? Philadelphia Harry.

Notorious auto thief.

Leave the car alone.

I'll figure out a place to stash it later.

20 years.

A kidnapper.

Perfectly mixed.

Or do you have reservations?

The lieutenant.

Suspicious?

Maybe.

You know how they train police dogs. The smell, that's all. We're covered.

Here's to Harry. He snatched one car too many.

Lucky for us.

You know, we really ought to drink a toast to dear old Phoebe.

Have you noticed, darling?

How much nicer this house is without my late wife cluttering it up.

Let's not be too happy about it.

Five years. Five years without what?

A stingy, tight -fisted dragon of a battle axe.

You know, wherever old Phoebe is, and I do hope it's distant, she's going to be

awfully shocked to discover she didn't take it with her.

The police don't. You better get this stuff out of here just in case.

Parv,

you wait here. These people are very hysterical. Or they're pretending to be

very hysterical. I want to nose around in there by myself.

Well? I've got some good news for you. We checked Harry out. He's in the

neighborhood, all right. One of our contacts spoke to him two days ago.

You mean that's the good news?

Well, don't you get it, Miss Bentley?

It means your aunt's safe. Harry's got her. She couldn't be in better hands.

I mean, if you're going to be kidnapped.

You rushed here to tell us that, Lieutenant?

Well, I thought... This morning you thought your friend Harry wasn't

Well, I checked.

Yes, the teletype.

Clickety -click.

Sir?

Clickety -click.

Now, Mr. Westcott, I've been on the force a long time. I know Harry. He's as

honest as they come.

I mean, except for heisting cars.

Isn't that nice, Sheridan?

The lieutenant ran through a couple of red lights to tell us that Harry is an

honest man.

Miss Bentley, what I'm trying to tell you is that your aunt is safe.

Thank you, lieutenant.

And now that we know that my wife is in such reputable hands, what would you

suggest we do?

Well, just sit tight. There will probably be a ransom note in a day or

A ransom note?

Sure. That's the reason people go in for kidnapping, you know.

Money. Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Well, when the note comes, Mr. Westcott, you call me, huh?

Yes.

Adolphia Harry.

Why don't I believe it?

No blackmail, no ransom, we ain't shaking down nobody.

Yeah, but Uncle Harry, we got this guy over a barrel.

Maybe the kid's right, Harry.

A couple of G's, huh? Yeah, the parents... Not on time!

Now let me tell you something, Weldon. You know what a chump is?

A chump is a guy who doesn't stick to his own racket.

If the cops pick us up, Harry, all we gotta do is tell them the truth.

What truth?

This Westcott, he knocked off the old lady.

So who are the cops gonna believe? Us or him?

Him, that's who!

Yeah, but Uncle Harry... Shut up!

And you know what else we got on the agenda?

A murder rap.

And we don't even live in a state that's abolished the death penalty.

They wouldn't do that to us, Harry.

Okay, so what do we do?

Number one, we got to get rid of this.

But we got to be very particular where we dump it.

Okay, where?

So what's the safest spot in town?

Right back in his own garage.

His garage?

Well, how does that get us off the hook?

By putting him on.

He said the car got smashed by the lake, right?

So what happens when the cops go in the garage?

And there's the car.

And there's the stiff in the car.

They got him cold, right?

Yeah, but Uncle Harry, who's going to tell the cops to look in the garage?

A dirty little bird's going to tell them, Weldon.

Give me that stool pigeon. What's his code name?

It's a genuine delivery.

I want him here the first thing in the morning. Tonight, we're dumping his heap

into Westcott's garage.

Darling?

Do you think he'll send a note?

Who? Harry.

Well, if he does, it'll only tighten the rope around his neck.

Well, then it's just possible that he might not.

You know, I never thought of that.

You know what, darling?

I think we're going to have to send a note for him.

May the Lord.

$200 ,000.

I wish you'd shown me the note. What for?

The police were just here and got us. Would you hurry this up? I have a

appointment at 10 o 'clock.

$200 ,000.

What else did it say?

It said that she's alive and well, and the next note will give us instructions

on how to pay it.

Alive and well.

That's what they always say.

What do you mean?

Well, they're not going to say she's dead as a mackerel, are they?

Who'd pay $200 ,000 for a corpse?

Mr. Flagstone, as my aunt's lawyer, will you or will you not release the money?

At least they didn't say she was happy. She wouldn't be happy anywhere.

Mr. Flagstone, will you release the money?

I'll release it.

Good. I have to go now.

What's she seeing a doctor for?

Nerves, Mr. Flagstone. She's taking this very hard.

What's the matter?

I'm going to be sick.

Sick? Do you want me to call a doctor?

No, no.

You want to go upstairs?

No, I don't want to go upstairs.

I'm going to be sick right here.

Flagstone, perhaps you'd better go. She's feeling bad.

Feeling bad? Never met a woman yet who ever felt good.

Sheridan? Yes, Enid.

Is he gone?

On his way.

Well, now, we had a meeting last night about Mrs. Westcott's estate.

Flagstone Sr.

was there. I was there.

Flagstone III was there. Three good lawyers. What we need right now, Mr.

Flagstone, is one good doctor.

Sheridan! Yes, dear?

Is he gone yet?

He's gone.

They brought it back.

The car. It's in the garage.

The what? In the where? The car. The car. They brought it back. It's in the

garage.

Not that way. This way.

We've got to get it out of here. We've got to lose it.

It's a note. A note.

Stealing is one thing. Murder ain't. I hope you get the chair.

Harry.

What does this mean?

The lieutenant's right.

A man of high moral standards.

We'll have Phoebe safe with him.

Say, she's in the trunk.

Don't you see?

You know, he isn't the sort of man to kidnap anybody. It's against his

principles.

Yeah, obviously he did it.

But don't you see what happened there?

He got scared.

That's it.

He got scared. So he abandons the car, which is hot, and Aunt Phoebe, who's

cold, on some mountain road.

And then we deliver the ransom money.

Yeah, only he's not there to receive it. Why not?

Because he got scared.

All he cares about now is saving his own neck.

Which isn't a trap.

Yes, a lovely trap.

We have to set this up in stages.

First, the second ransom note has to be mailed.

Yeah, and then the police find the car with the body in the trunk on a road

somewhere.

Exactly, darling.

On a road somewhere.

Yeah.

Get it down.

What took you so long? It's on the phone. I'm always on the phone. Leave it

Leave it on, leave it on. I don't want to know who you are. I don't got to

Okay, look, I want you to call the chief of police.

The chief?

With good merchandise? Yeah, good merchandise.

Okay, $50.

You got a phone?

Yeah.

Show me the money.

$20, okay.

$20, okay.

Yeah, yeah. Get your lip out of the way.

Then, okay.

What do I say?

Say if he wants to break the Westcott kidnapping, to look into the Westcott

garage. The kidnap car is there, and it's never been anyplace else.

True merchandise?

True merchandise.

Well, the chief has got to be a number one U .S. government guarantee. Do you

understand? I respect him. He respects me. No whiz bangs. That's why you're

here. I want quick action. This has got to go through.

Take me to your phone.

How's he going to dial with the napkin on?

The chief. I can dial him with my nose.

Hello?

Give me the chief.

The chief.

Never mind who I am. Just a general deliveries calling.

Oh, sure, I'll talk to him.

On line two?

It's general delivery.

Yes, general.

Chief, I got big merchandise for you. The Westcott kidnap.

Double money, main post office care, general delivery.

Sold. Go to the Westcott garage.

The kidnap car, it's there.

It was never anywhere else.

Tell him to look in the trunk.

And look in the trunk.

That's it.

A silver hearse.

Well, it's more cheerful.

Now, the idea is they were repainting the car.

Panicked. Murdered Phoebe so there wouldn't be a witness.

We make sure the car is found.

Yeah, by tipping the police that it's a lookout point.

Take a back road.

Well, shouldn't we wait till nightfall?

We'll have to risk it. The car's been here too long already. All right, clean

the garage. We've got to get out of here.

All right.

I left them off at the drugstore.

Fifty bucks for a phone call.

Okay. That's that. It's all right. I'd sure like to see his face when the cops

get there.

Okay.

We had our little laugh. Let's figure it never happened. We got things to do. We

ain't made a nickel since we got here.

You mean we ain't taking a break or nothing?

We're going right back to work. The overhead in this chart's killing me.

Maybe it was a bum steer.

General delivery doesn't give bum steers. Not to the chief.

And look in the trunk.

From now on, we're putting a tail on Mr. Westcott. Let's go.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What do we got, Uncle Harry?

Hey, that's a nice piece of merchandise.

Genuine steel. They don't make them like that no more.

Yeah, you lose one, you win one. Very nice, Weldon, very nice. Hey, there's a

bar in the back. You want to see it, Uncle Harry? Not now, Weldon. Hey, get

hood up.

I guess I ain't a total loss, eh, Uncle Harry? No, Weldon, total you ain't.

I'm adding your code number to the address so that our program can be

you as quickly as possible.

There is only one difficulty.

The numbers are so long that by the time I've finished addressing the envelopes,

the show is over.

Just now that eager courier who has delivered the first half wishes to

himself.

They're finishing up with the serial numbers now.

That ransom note frightened Miss Bentley pretty badly, Lieutenant.

No police or you get your wife back in a box.

We'll stay out.

Let's pay the money first.

I want my wife back safe. In that case, it was the husband that disappeared.

They paid the money and never saw hide in the hair of him again.

Disappeared like a rat down a drainpipe.

Well, here.

$200 ,000.

A million dollars before taxes.

But it isn't the government, it's kidnappers.

Come along, boy.

There's one consolation.

It isn't the money it was. When I was a kid, I could hire a man like you for a

dollar a day.

Okay, it's time.

Yes.

Sheridan. Yes, dear?

Could I talk to you for a minute before you go?

We'll wait for you outside.

You'll be watching for faces, for people, for somebody to approach you.

can't be casual about this. They'll be checking every move.

Well, they're only going as far as the highway with me.

Don't be silly. They'll be watching you.

Act, Sheridan.

Now, according to the ransom note, you'll be waiting for a man to approach

He's going to ask you to name the capital of Guatemala.

Yes, all right. Now, I start walking around the square of the small town

Flamingo Corners.

Now, there aren't very many pedestrians, so I look at every passerby.

I stop, and I wait.

Suddenly, I see a man coming toward me. I think it's the collector. I go up to

him, but he goes right by. It's not him. I'm disappointed.

So I keep on walking around and around the square.

It's getting late. I'm worried.

Time is going. It means my wife's life. That's right. Just remember, the

lieutenant has instincts. He uses them instead of brains.

The more the evidence points the other way, the more suspicious he naturally

becomes of us. Yes, of course.

Well, goodbye, darling. Goodbye, dear.

Good luck.

Yes.

What is the capital of Guatemala?

It doesn't matter.

Nobody's going to ask you.

Act, Sheridan. Win an award.

way out of Flamingo Corners but car or bus.

Unless those kidnappers have got a new wrinkle.

You're no good.

N -O -G -G -G -G. No good.

Ten dollars, please. The chief don't pay.

What you bring him here for?

He said he had something.

In my hand of money. Paid out by a ten dollar stool pigeon. Look what I sunk

What on a kind of thing?

With a new paint shop that's bugging me and bugging me and bugging me. Ten

dollars. Ten dollars.

Ten dollars. All right. Ten dollars.

Okay. We're friends. In my hand.

Stand still, will you?

I'm still.

Here you beg, mister?

No thanks, sonny. I can handle it.

Just round and round the square.

All right.

Keep calling me on the hour.

It's been bugging me ever since you brought the heap in here.

You know what the paint's on there for?

What, Harry?

I had a nightmare.

It come to me.

The paint is on the heap. You know why?

Because when this car's picked up on a road, it should look like it's us that

done the painting.

Huh? Us?

The finger points to us.

Gentlemen, we're dealing with a fiend.

We ain't got no morals.

We got to get rid of this faster than we did last time. We can't wait.

And when we can't wait, who do we go to?

Lopez. No, not Lopez, Harry.

That South American anti -hero robbed us blind.

This ain't business no more. This is war.

Lopez will have it out of the country in 24 hours.

I think I'll go call him.

Well, maybe we can leave the body in the trunk.

Maybe Lopez won't notice it.

Maybe Lopez won't notice it, he says.

Lopez will go to her with a microscope. He'll vacuum it. Who knows? He might

find the nickel under the seat.

You trailed me. Don't try to deny it. They'd approach me otherwise.

No, no, Mr. Westcott. I walked all night.

If anything happens to my wife, I'm going to hold you personally

Nobody trailed anybody. Now you're getting yourself all excited.

Something went wrong, that's all.

Now just a tight and wait. They'll send another note.

What if they don't? Yes, that's right. What if they don't? What if they don't?

They have to. They want the money, don't they? Suppose they don't want the

money. Did that ever occur to you?

Suppose they're too frightened to try to get the money now.

Frightened? Harry's an amateur kidnapper. You said that yourself.

A car thief with ethics. Isn't that what you said?

Well, yes, sort of.

Yes, I did.

Well, then why couldn't they become frightened?

Why couldn't they decide to forget everything and save their own skins?

Why shouldn't they pull out?

Why wouldn't they think it's all become too dangerous altogether?

Murder my aunt to get rid of a witness, dispose of her body, and do everything

to clear themselves.

Forget about the ransom. Forget about everything.

You trailed me, Lieutenant. You frightened them off. No, no, it's not

Sheridan. Yes, Enid.

They killed her.

The police killed her.

Now, Enid, control yourself.

His tubes and their teletypes, that's what killed Aunt Phoebe. No, no, no,

you're not healthy, Enid. He's right, Miss Bentley. You're getting all

Now, they'll send another note. No, Lieutenant.

There won't be another note.

Now, Miss Bentley. There will be no...

on the Westcott kidnapping case.

There's a car at lookout point. It's been there for two days. It answers the

description of the kidnapped car.

Okay, shoot.

Number one, there was no car at lookout point.

Number two, the call came in at 1 -18.

At 1 -05, Westcott left his house, went to a phone booth, and made a call.

The time, 1 -18.

Go on.

Why didn't he use his own phone? Because he was afraid the call could be traced.

Now, this is the second wild goose chase we've had about this car.

Westcott both times for exactly the same reason.

For a period of time, maybe an hour, maybe less, he would be certain that I

wouldn't be anywhere near him.

But why?

Because he's hiding something. And if he's hiding something, he's in it

somewhere. And if he's in it somewhere, his story smells.

Maybe Harry hasn't gone in for kidnapping.

Maybe he was just going about his business as usual.

Maybe nobody was in the car.

I've thought of that myself.

Suppose Westcott has to get rid of a body. That would be a pretty good reason

for wanting me out of the way.

There are two places he can't let it be found.

In his home and in the lake.

And if nobody was in the car, then it's got to be in one or the other.

And I'm betting it's in his cellar.

Do I move in?

Don't you think you're moving too fast?

No, I'm not moving too fast. There's something fishy about all this.

I'll stake my reputation on it.

And your job?

And my job.

A hundred dollars!

Now, look at here, Lopez.

$100, yes or no, it's a hot car. It's not a hot car. You can take this car any

place in town.

Now, look, Lopez, will you give me a break? I ain't made a dime since I've

here. Somebody else, I don't touch it but you, my friend. I got a warm

I want to help, you know.

I do you a big favor getting rid of the evidence.

It's an $18 ,000 car. What kind of favor?

$100, yes or no, right now, I got other business.

Okay, you win.

Oh, my friend, it gives me great pleasure to help you out. Yeah, when are

going to get the car out of here? Oh, I send my boy about 20 minutes.

10, 20, 30, 40, 50.

Believe me, it's going to cost me more than 100 just to get it out of here.

I hope you're not too disappointed, Lieutenant.

I'm sorry I had to mess the place up.

How very touching.

Foul up my house, look under the beds for my wife's body, dig up my cellar,

practically accuse me of murdering her, and you're sorry.

If you doubt that's all, I had to clear them up.

The Lieutenant had to explore all the avenues, Sheridan.

Any boulevards you've neglected, Lieutenant, before I call the maid in?

Well, there's one more. The lake. We're going to drag it in the morning.

Drag it?

Like Miss Bentley said, all the avenues.

A policeman's life is certainly exhausting.

Dragging a whole lake.

And in the morning.

You won't have to be there, Miss Bentley.

Oh, I wouldn't dream of missing it. Yeah, that's right. We'll be there.

You might find an old boot or something.

Goodbye. We'll be there with bells on. Miss Bentley, myself, and my lawyers.

Suit yourself.

One more small item, Lieutenant. A message for your chief. You tell him

after the lake is dragged and my wife is not found, I'm going to sue him, you,

the city, and the divers' union. Now put that in your teletype.

This is the first time since this whole thing started that I feel safe.

Safe. Baby, we're free.

We're free.

All right.

There was nobody in the car, dead or alive.

That's the way it's got to be. Now, look.

If we got there ten minutes later than we did, his wife would have been at the

bottom of the lake and we would have had his car, right?

All right. So we got there ten minutes later than we did.

We stick to that or we're through.

rid of the body. We've got to get rid of it so it'll never be found.

And since we're telling ourselves that we got there ten minutes later than we

did, where would the body be?

At the bottom of the lake.

And just to make the story stick in our minds, that's exactly where it's gone.

Okay, put her in the trunk.

Put her in the trunk.

There is little I can add.

We did want you to hear what Mr. Westcott said when the police found his

beloved's body.

However, we aren't allowed to send it through the mails. It was not his finest

hour. By the way, we have a new complaint.

Certain parties are claiming that the picture is coming through excellently,

that I look distorted.

Now I shall be handled in a most suitable manner and not tossed so

about in transit.

I'm sure that next week I shall arrive completely free of any unsightly

bulges or wrinkles.