All language subtitles for Hitchcock s02e11 How To Get Rid Of Your Wife

Good evening.

Contrary to appearances, we are not
converting our show into a Middle

Western.

This is a lovely gift that just arrived,
and I'm having workmen tear out a wall

so that I can get it into the house.

What is especially touching is that the
gift came from a person I had not

regarded as a friend.

a social climber who is always trying to
wrangle an invitation to my home.

I'm quite pleased, however.

Now that I have a wooden horse, I may
even take up water polo.

From this innocent hobby horse, we turn
to a hobby of another kind.

Tonight's program is dedicated to the do
-it -yourselfer and is called How to

Get Rid of Your Wife. It concerns one
Gerald Swinney, a gentleman seemingly

meek for the task ahead.

But we shall see, we shall see.

As a special feature tonight, we are
delaying the start of the story by one

minute. Time for you to gather up a
pencil and paper.

After all, some of you may wish to take
notes.

Oh, I, uh, I wonder if I might have a
word with Miss Feather, if that's

possible. Miss, uh, Rosie Feather.

You're, you're Gerald Swinney, aren't
you?

Yes. I've been reading the paper about
you. I mean, about the case.

The verdict?

That's life.

I'll tell you here.

Swinney, wait.

Come in.

Mr. Swinney, Rosie.

Oh, hello, Mr. Swinney. What are you
doing here?

Well, I hope this isn't inconvenient. I
just wanted to apologize.

What for?

Oh, uh, would you accept these?

Oh, carnations.

Why, they're lovely.

Um, won't you sit down?

I, uh, just wondered if there was
anything I could do.

Do?

Well, it must have been unpleasant and
embarrassing.

Oh, Mr. Swinney, I never had so much
publicity in my whole life.

It was fantastic.

Oh?

Oh, I mean, of course I realized that it
was at somebody else's expense, if you

know what I mean.

You really shouldn't feel that way.

Oh, but I do.

I mean, every single minute in that
awful court, I kept thinking to myself,

should have never happened.

Not to somebody like you. I mean, we all
felt the same way, everybody.

You have nothing to apologize for, Mr.
Sweeney.

Look. It's all over now, isn't it?

Yes.

I guess I better put these in water.

Oh, would you like a drink?

Oh, I really don't think I should.

After what you've been through?

Go on. It'll do you good.

Well, all right.

Thank you very much, Miss Feather.

Rosie?

Well, everything's over there. Help
yourself.

I'm going to go behind here and change.

Mr.

Sweeney, I'm glad you came by.

We all understand how you feel.

And we're very sorry.

Thank you.

People are sympathetic.

If they weren't, things wouldn't have
turned out the way they did.

Poor Edie.

How did it all really begin?

That day I married her, I suppose.

I used to think things would get better
in the 15 years we lived together, but

they didn't.

Gerald?

Gerald?

Don't you answer me.

Gerald.

You don't smoke in this room, Gerald.

Are you happy, Edith?

You do.

Without my mother, you and I would have
absolutely nothing.

You've been a clerk for 15 years.

Happy.

I've been a lot better off without you.

I walked right into it, didn't I?

What's that supposed to mean?

This nice, refined home.

Dear old, smiling mother and you, all
fluttery and correct.

Two kind, helpless women.

And one unsuspecting bachelor.

On went the rings, and off came the
mass.

I had no idea what it was all about.

Are you through?

No.

I want a divorce, Edith.

So that's what all this nonsense has
been about.

But let me tell you, there'll be no
divorce in this house.

And if you're thinking of walking out on
me, don't.

I know what's what, and I know my
rights.

And you haven't got a chance.

And just you remember it!

Gerald, I've had just about enough of
this.

Are you coming downstairs or aren't you?

Edith, where's my fishing equipment?

It was cluttering up the closet.

Where's my fly box with the brown
hackles?

I gave it to the club for the bazaar.

Without telling me.

Oh, Gerald, you haven't been fishing in
years. Do you realize I spent hours

tying those flies?

That's right. A useless waste of time.

So I got rid of it.

Well, Edith, I'm just going to have to
get rid of you.

I gave the matter a lot of thought and
worked out a plan, a campaign.

On the next Saturday night, I put the
first stage into operation.

I stayed at Al's bar until closing time.

Neighbors were about to see Edith.

In action.

Oh, Mr. Sweeney.

I'll walk along with you. Oh, good.
Good.

Edith? Edith there?

Edith?

What's wrong?

Locked out?

No, it's all right.

Locked out.

Oh.

Mr. Swinney, why don't you come in and
sit down?

Oh, that's very kind of you, but I
really don't think I should.

Mrs. Swinney hasn't... Been too well
since her dear mother passed on.

Well, I'll be all right. I'll take a
walk or something.

Mr. Swinney, you're a saint.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, good morning, Mrs. Penny.

Good morning, Mrs. Harris.

Did you hear?

Hear what?

She locked him out last night.

No. Yes.

The poor man.

If she goes on the way she is, one of
these days he's going to do something to

himself. He's just the type.

Oh, poor Mr.

Swinney.

What's all this about?

It's called reorganization, Edith.

I've always liked a good breakfast.

So instead of you cooking and me washing
the dishes, I've decided to change that

around.

I'll cook and you wash.

Where's my coffee?

It's right there on the tray. I decide
to have my breakfast first.

Yes, it's empty.

We need more.

Don't you dear me.

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to frighten me out of this
house.

My house.

Let me tell you, you won't succeed.

You're imagining things, Edith.

Oh, Edith, you're imagining things. You
must be.

Oh, Laura, you've got to help me, you
and Henry.

But how?

Come over Saturday for lunch.

Edith, I don't think... He's worse on
weekends.

All right, Edith.

All right.

Laura, I've got to prove to you, Gerald
is a monster.

What are you digging, Gerald?

Oh, it's a surprise, dear.

This is my house and my garden. I demand
to know why you're digging it up.

It's going to be a fish pond.

A what?

A pond.

For a... fish.

I'm not as big a fool as you think I am,
Gerald Swinney. I know what you're up

to. And as of now, you can start filling
it up.

Now! Now!

Hi there, Mr. Swinney.

Oh, morning, Mr. Penny.

That's a pity.

Fish pond would have looked nice there.

Gerald? I've changed my mind.

We'll have the fish pond.

Anything you say, dear.

Well, go on, dig.

Dig!

And I'll thank you to mind your own
business, Mr. Penny.

Oh, I don't know how you're standing. I
really don't.

Oh, she's just a bit upset. Nothing to
worry about, really.

I think my wife is right.

You must be some kind of saint.

I say, Edith, you've kept the house
looking awfully nice. Well, I certainly

don't know how. I don't know what I'm
doing half the time. I'm afraid to even

eat or drink anything if he's been
anywhere near it. Oh, Edith.

It's the truth.

Tins of weed killer, knives, stain
remover.

And this morning, I found a book beside
his bed.

A chemistry book with a bookmark in the
chapter on acids.

Gerald's always reading funny books.

I mean, peculiar.

Henry, he's told me he's going to get
rid of me.

Edith, Henry and I have talked about
this, and we think you ought to see a

doctor.

Laura, there's nothing wrong with me.

It's Gerald.

He's acting peculiar.

Hi, Gerald.

Well, Henry, there's a surprise.

I didn't know you were coming over.

How are you?

Oh, fine, fine. I've been keeping busy.

Yes, I see.

What is it?

Oh, I'm, uh... Putting in a fish pond.

Oh, that's... That's a good idea.

Uh... How's Edith been?

So -so.

Not good, really. Just between you and
me.

Laura and I have been a little worried
about her. I thought the best thing I

could do was sort of cheer up the place.

You know, do a little decorating.

But last week I brought home a can of
stain remover and...

She just came apart.

Then I decided on the fish pond, but
that hasn't set too well either.

You know, don't you, her mother left
everything to her and we got nothing.

And she told me.

Then this doesn't seem to have done her
much good.

Edith isn't well.

We're all going to have to try and be
very patient with her.

Mr. Swinney? Yes.

I wonder if you'd mind bringing that
around back for me.

Yeah.

Through this way? Yeah, right through
there.

Okay.

Excuse me, all.

You make it through here?

It's one of those tanks.

How do you believe me?

Edith, it's for the fish pond.

Oh, no, it's not.

It's for the acid.

Oh, don't be silly. Oh, really, Edith.
You can't put acid in one of those

things. Unless it's glass.

How do you know what those things are
made of?

Edith, you really must control yourself.

Even if you were planning something,
would you think you'd be so obvious

it? He didn't know you were coming.

Don't you see?

Yes.

There's only one thing to do.

Tell Gerald to call the doctor.

No. Yes, Edith. I am perfectly all
right.

It's just that I'm so frightened.

And that's just what Gerald wants.

He wants me to be frightened.

Henry, where are you going? I want to
talk to Henry for a moment.

I think we're not to be frightened. It's
Gerald.

What do you mean?

The state she's in.

She might do anything.

Henry, I don't think we should get mixed
up in this.

Then let's go.

What are you whispering about?

Excuse me, please.

Gerald, we're going to have to go now.

Oh, you're going so soon? Afraid so.

Oh.

There you are.

Thanks a lot.

Goodbye, dear.

Take care of yourself.

Edith, try not to worry too much.

Goodbye, Gerald, dear.

Drop in and see us, won't you? Bye,
Gerald.

Bye, Henry.

Bye, Laura.

Nice seeing you.

What were they whispering about?

I don't know.

I am not stupid, Gerald.

Yes, dear.

I know what you're doing.

You're deliberately trying to frighten
me, and you're deliberately trying to

turn everyone against me.

If I were Edith, it'd be very easy.

Because you're so predictable.

Oh, I am, am I?

I'm not going to stand for any more of
it.

I've been waiting for you to say that.

know what you're up to now, but I told
you to get out and I admit it.

Don't worry, Edith.

I'm going.

If you think I'm going to hang around,
I'm not. I'm going to bed.

But before I do, I want it clearly
understood that you are still

the upkeep of this house. Do you
understand?

And don't come back until you're ready
to apologize.

On your knees!

People are very sympathetic.

I timed my departure for 10 o 'clock on
Sunday morning.

I knew this would give them every
opportunity to express their feelings.

Worried, I knew she was watching.

And she had another shot coming to her
when she went into my bedroom, as I knew

she would.

Somebody out here to see you, Rosie. Oh?
It's a woman.

Oh. She says it's important.

Well, what does she want?

Well, how do I know?

Miss Feather?

That's right.

I am Gerald's wife.

Oh.

Who's Gerald?

Well, I didn't expect you to admit
anything.

Look, I got to change.

Yes, you do.

I don't know how long this thing has
been going on, but it's got to stop.

Stop is right, because one of us is
making a fool out of herself, and it's

me.

Miss Feather, is this or is this not
your photograph?

Where'd you get this?

In Gerald's bed.

But I... I let Gerald leave home because
I thought it would bring him to his

senses.

Of course, I had no idea there was
another woman involved.

You mean me?

Gerald knows I'll never give him a
divorce.

Well, I'm very sorry, dear, but you've
made a mistake.

Now, I've got to change.

I'd advise you to listen to what I've
got to say.

Bye, dear.

This is Swinney to you.

I said goodbye.

And I have no intention of leaving.

Oscar!

Gerald is coming back home.

Look, I told you, I don't know any
Geralds.

If he refuses, I'll go straight to the
bank.

Somebody help me!

One word to the manager and Gerald will
be out of a job.

Oscar! You might be interested to know
that Gerald doesn't have a cent to his

name. What is it, Rosie?

Do something, anything. Get her out of
here!

I don't mind saying what I have to say
in front of a witness.

This creature has been carrying on with
my husband.

What? I don't know her husband.

Come on, lady.

Until she promises never to see Gerald
again.

All right, all right, anything.

You see, she's admitted it. I'm going to
be hysterical in a minute. You'd better

leave now.

Take your hands off of me.

This woman has given me her word in
front of a witness that she shall no

associate or continue to associate with
my husband.

And if she does, she knows what the
circumstances will be.

That's all I came to say.

Good night.

Edith then came to the bank and
threatened to expose me unless I

immediately.

It was all working out very well.

But the next stage in the proceedings
was going to need rather careful

Yes, I'm interested in acquiring a
couple of rats.

Were you thinking of the Emperor of
Whites or the Ordinary Greys?

The Ordinary Greys, I think.

I see. Well, they're right over here.

If you'd like to come this way.

You haven't been in before, have you?

No, I didn't think so.

Well, here we are.

As nice a selection as you can see.

I think I'll have that one. The big fat
one, sir.

And... And that one.

He's my favorite.

I call him Romeo.

tell he'll be going to a good home.

Just the two?

Yeah. Yeah, I see. Well, why don't you
look around?

You're fond of animals, I can always
tell.

Won't be but a minute.

Come on.

Polly, Polly, Polly.

Polly, Polly, Polly. Here we are, Mr.

Uh, Jones.

Mr. Jones.

That'll be three dollars. and 20 cents.

Now that you've been in and seen my
little place, maybe you'll be coming in

again.

There we are.

There we are.

Thank you very much.

Goodbye, Mr.

Jones.

Uh, hey, goodbye.

Gerald. I smell perfume.

Perfume? And it's on you.

Oh, it's a new brand of aftershave
lotion.

You don't expect me to believe that.

I know you've been with that woman.

Gerald, we're going to have a little
talk.

All right, dear.

It seems as though one or two misguided
people think that you are going to do

away with yourself.

They have.

Mrs. Harris told me in the beauty
parlor.

I know what you're up to.

You're only trying to get this sympathy
and nothing more.

Really, Edith?

Well, I haven't been able to get the
evidences yet. But believe me, I will.

And when I do, you can be sure that I
will expose you in all your little

And you needn't look so innocent,
Gerald.

I know you've been seeing her, that
dreadful creature.

I have to shave lotion.

What is it, Edith?

Rats.

Rats.

Where anything as distasteful as rats
was concerned, Edith would, I know,

the most private and discreet way of
dealing with them.

She would not, therefore, seek the aid
of any professional exterminators.

Of this, I felt certain.

What was the alternative?

A trap?

No.

And for reasons which you will more than
understand,

I was also quite certain she would not
ask me to do the necessary shopping.

All I had to do was choose my moment and
find the hiding place.

And there it was.

Now everything was set.

Going someplace?

Yes. Indeed.

My own free will.

Just where do you think you're going?

To Rosy Feather?

You can't prove anything, Edith.

Even if you could, it wouldn't matter.

So, you admit it.

I've written you a letter, Edith.

I suppose you could call it a
confession.

Perhaps a statement.

To whom it may concern.

I can see no point in my wife and I
going on together.

I am wrong in what I am doing. The
responsibility is entirely mine.

Time is the great healer.

And I've signed.

How do you suppose this is going to help
you?

It doesn't matter, Edith.

You see, I don't care what you do.

I'm leaving you first thing in the
morning.

Is that all you've got to say?

Yes.

Oh, it is, is it?

Well, let me tell you, you're not going
anywhere to Rosie Feather or anybody

else.

I am, Edith.

As you said, everyone on the block knows
I'm desperate.

They're expecting me to do something.

You intend to leave first thing in the
morning.

It's the only way, Edith.

Is it?

We were never really suited, were we?

Perhaps not.

I'm glad you're not making a scene.

You don't really know me, Gerald.

Shall I make the chocolate tonight?

No.

I'll do it.

I'll make the hot chocolate tonight.

Gerald, I've left your chocolate on the
stove.

You may help yourself.

Do you hear me?

Yes.

Yes, I heard you, dear.

Thank you.

It's Gerald. It's happened.

What? What do you mean?

He's dead.

What?

Yes, I found a note beside his body and
a can of poison in the kitchen.

Edith, are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

The body's upstairs?

Yes. The door on the left.

What is this?

Is something wrong?

You're supposed to be dead.

What? Are you Gerald Sweeney?

Yes.

And you wrote this note?

Yes. Well?

I'm sorry, I'm a bit confused.

I don't know what to say.

I was going to leave my wife. We
discussed it all last night, quite

I planned to leave this morning.

I wrote the note because I wanted to
make my intentions clear.

Didn't want it to appear that she was in
the wrong.

What about the poison?

Poison?

In the hot chocolate.

Oh, my wife did leave some chocolate for
me on the stove last night.

I didn't feel like... I don't know why I
put it in that.

I didn't want her to think I hadn't
drunk it.

She's a bit... sensitive.

Well, by the looks of things, I'd say
you had a very lucky escape.

Good morning, dear.

I was very impressed by the way in which
the law took its course.

All the pieces of the jigsaw fell into
place.

The overall picture of Edith being, from
my point of view, brilliantly

highlighted by the truly splendid work
of the district attorney.

Now, Miss Feather, one of your many
admirers, it seems, was unfortunately

careless enough.

to leave this photograph of you in a
library book.

And it was by this accident that it came
into Gerald Swinney's possession.

In other words... By chance. By sheer
chance.

Therefore, I'm right in saying that
there was never any kind of contact

you and Gerald Swinney.

Absolutely none whatsoever, definitely.

Edith seemed convinced that Gerald
was... was planning to

do away with her.

How?

She mentioned knives, a book on acid,
weed killer poison.

Poison?

Yes. So it could be said that although
at this time she imagined herself to be

the prospective victim, she was obsessed
by thoughts of death.

Of death by poison.

The seed was there.

Thank you.

When the accused telephoned you that
Gerald Swinney had poisoned himself,

was your reaction?

Your answer is important.

We thought that Gerald must have done it
in desperation.

Edith can be very determined.

You mean in preventing her husband from
leaving her?

Yes. So that later, when the truth
became evident, you were no doubt

But were you surprised?

Yes or no?

No further questions.

Mrs. Harris, will you tell the court now
what happened at the hairdresser's?

Well, I thought it was my duty to make
quite sure that Edith Swinney should

me. Hear what?

Well, that she was driving her husband
to suicide.

I suggest that there can be no doubt
that this was the incident which put

Edith Swinney's mind.

The idea of being able to get away with
murdering her husband by making it

appear that he had taken his own life.

Thank you, Mrs. Harris.

Yes, sir. I recall real clearly.

The lady came into the drugstore and
asked for some rat poison.

Is that all?

She said she didn't want something that
wasn't real effective.

We stopped three different brands.

She wanted something real powerful.

So I sold it to her.

Mrs. Penny, have you ever been troubled
with rats?

Rats? Rats.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Would you say that Edith Swinney's house
was badly kept?

Oh, it was like a hospital.

Clinically clean.

Thank you, Mrs. Penny.

She said, uh... Uh... You devil, you
devil.

Is there anything about these words that
particularly impressed you?

Yes, sir. They're vehemence.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the
defense counsel has insisted that you

accept the fact that Edith Swinney is
the victim of a diabolical plot designed

by her husband to lead her to the very
brink of murder.

For what reason?

To incriminate her and to provide
himself with irrefutable grounds for

at the conclusion of this trial.

But the true pattern of events, as you
follow them, must surely prove the case

against Edith Swinney.

She intended to poison her husband.
There's no doubt about that.

By the grace of God, she did not
succeed.

But she intended to succeed.

And it was premeditated.

Need I say more?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I put
it to you.

That Edith Swinney is guilty of
attempted murder and that there are no

extenuating circumstances.

It's not true!

Guilty. It's not true!

Guilty.

Are you all right, Mr. Sweeney?

Oh, I'm fine.

Now that it's all over, what are you
going to do?

Do?

Mr. Sweeney?

Gerald.

Gerald?

You've had a narrow escape.

But, well, life's given you another
chance.

Yes. And you should take it.

You should free yourself.

You mean divorce?

When something's over, it's over.

Nothing will ever make it right.

Those are words of wisdom, Rosie.

Oh, I guess I'd better get ready to go
on.

Oh, I'm in the way.

Oh, no, you're not.

I've only got one more show to do.

I'll be through by ten.

I don't suppose you'd... care for
something to eat.

Well, uh, um, yes, I would.

Well, I'll stop back for you then.

All right.

Just after ten.

I'll be ready.

Well, uh, bye for now.

Bye for now.

Mr. Jones?

I felt somehow you might remember me.

I remember you very well, that goes
without saying.

I'm so glad everything went so well.

What do you mean?

Well, I followed the whole case and I
recognized your picture. It was a good

of you.

As a matter of fact, I've kept it. I've
had it framed.

Funny word, framed.

Yes, well, I think she's... Oh, no.

No, I thought we might have a little
something to eat together.

Well, I'm afraid I have another
appointment.

You know, I keep wondering why you
didn't tell anyone.

There might have been rats in your
wife's house.

Are you suggesting... You didn't even
mention buying them.

No.

You know, when you came in my shop that
day, I knew you were as lonely a person

as I was. And, well, I had a sort of
feeling we might meet again and that

everything would be better for both of
us.

Funny, wasn't it?

Would you care for a sandwich or
something more substantial?

Something more substantial.

Thank you.

I still have my wife.

But you will notice I have gotten rid of
my horse.

I wouldn't have cared if it were a
talking horse, but I discovered this one

ticking. I promptly gave it away.

I felt there were others who deserved it
more than I.

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