Original subtitles

Good evening, fellow astronauts.

We seem to have encountered several delays.

The first balloon did not withstand the launching ceremony, for it became

deflated when a bottle of champagne was smashed over it.

This time, however, we have found a better use for the wine, I sincerely

Unfortunately, the ground crew managed to get most of it, and as a result, they

have lost some of the dedication to duty.

which once characterized their work. The countdown has begun, but it will take

some 25 minutes, just long enough for a story and a few commercials.

Yes, I know.

Well, we made a deal, didn't we?

Then we should have a display by Friday.

Yes. Yes, I know.

That's right.

Well, we'll put in four aisle displays if we get the usual discount.

No, no, no more French wallets. We're overstocked as it is.

Yeah.

That's right. Thanks for calling.

Yes,

Mrs. Randweiler?

I caught a lady shoplifting.

That's the ninth this week.

Where is she? I left her in the ante room with Mr. Muller. I thought I ought

talk to you first before we notified the police.

Yes. What's she feel?

Costume jewelry.

A necklace worth about $80.

Did you get a statement?

Of course.

It's all here, Mr. DeVore.

Any witnesses?

Yes, the salesgirl in the perfume department, Miss Cosgrove.

As usual, this one claims she didn't mean to do it.

Don't they all?

That's why I wanted to talk to you first.

Shall I call the police now?

Not just yet, I think.

I'd like to talk to the woman myself.

Send her in, please.

Would you come in, Mrs. Callan?

That'll be all, Mrs. Randwiner. Thank you very much.

Please.

Can't we get this over with?

Your name, please.

Mrs.

Callan. Your first name?

Lois. Age?

32.

Well, Mrs. Callan, was it worth it?

No.

No.

Then why did you do such a thing?

I didn't mean to do it.

This is your statement.

You admit that you stole the necklace.

That is your signature, isn't it?

Yes.

But I don't know. It came over me. I just... Whatever came over you, Mrs.

Callan, you illegally confiscated a necklace worth $80.

It's incredible.

It really is.

I was just looking at it.

The next thing I knew... You were a thief.

Where do you live?

Lakewood.

It's an expensive neighborhood.

House or apartment?

House.

Married?

Yes, but... I'll ask the questions.

A boy and a girl.

And you steal.

I tell you, I don't know what came over me.

I didn't really want it.

I must have been insane.

Yes, I know, Mrs. Callan, kleptomania.

Working here, I've become a reluctant authority on the subject.

It's a nice, convenient term that sometimes relieves thieves of

It's the first time I've ever done such a thing.

Sit down.

What does your husband do, Mrs. Callan?

Where can he be reached?

Must he know?

I'm afraid he's bound to know.

Isn't there any other way?

None that I know of.

Where can he be reached?

Mrs. Callan, where can your husband be reached?

First Western Bank.

Lakewood.

Do you love your husband?

Yes.

Those two lovely children.

And you steal what amounts to nothing more than a...

Piece of junk.

And I'm afraid what makes it even worse, Mrs. Callum, the fact that this is your

first offense won't keep it from being a case of grand theft.

Grand theft?

Yes, you see, $75 is the line of demarcation between petty and grand

I'm afraid you've stepped over that line.

Oh, but surely you don't mean to press charges?

Why not?

I'm sure your husband would press charges if someone robbed his bank.

You must believe me.

I swear it never happened before. I swear it won't happen again.

That's right, Mrs. Callan. You have yourself a nice, good cry.

Get it all out of your system.

Then maybe we can talk.

You see, we all have our problems.

I even have my own.

But if we talk about them, you might find a way out.

A way out?

There might be.

What is it?

Please tell me.

Well, that would depend on what you are willing to do.

What do you mean?

This is my address.

714 Bradshaw.

He expects you at my house Sunday evening.

So that's it. That's it, Mrs. Callan.

I don't believe it.

It's ridiculous.

I would advise you to take me seriously.

Mrs. Callan, if you go through that door, I'll call the police.

Then I'll call your husband.

I'll leave it up to him to tell the children.

All right.

I'll do what you say.

That's fine.

Conveniently, my wife will be away for the weekend.

So I'll expect you at seven.

Meanwhile, I'll just keep your sign statement.

Goodbye, Mrs. Callaghan.

Until Sunday.

Have a nice day at the store.

Plenty of nice little customer problems to keep you busy.

You enjoy the idea of my working there, don't you?

That's why you got me the job in the first place.

Well, I got you the job because you couldn't get one for yourself.

And so you could keep your little eye on me. That was part of the idea, too,

wasn't it?

Maybe it was then.

Now, it really doesn't matter, Paul.

Yes, you changed a lot in four years, Kate.

I think we both have, Paul.

Perhaps for the better.

If you don't mind, you're in my way.

Oh, so sorry.

Well, where's the trip this weekend?

San Francisco?

Acapulco?

No, it's really none of your business where I go.

Since I've stopped meddling in your affairs.

The least you can do is to start meddling in mine.

Yes, we are easily the most intelligent couple in town.

You go your way, I go mine.

No tears, no questions, and no recriminations.

Beautiful relationship.

Please, Paul.

You know, we could do something even more intelligent.

You know, I hate arguments.

Especially old ones.

It isn't an argument.

It's common sense.

You know, I see women like you at the store all day long.

They buy themselves some nice, charming little bobble.

They think it's exactly what they want until they get it home, and then they

realize they don't like the merchandise.

So they bring it back and demand a refund.

You'd like a little refund on me, wouldn't you, Kay?

Well, we're running a special on refunds today.

It's called community property.

I'm not giving you a divorce, Paul.

For the ten thousandth time, I am not.

Then what do you expect me to do?

You don't want me around and you won't let me go.

Who do you think I am?

I know exactly what you are.

I told you I'd be willing to forget about that community property business.

We could make a settlement.

No.

Not a nickel.

Why not, Kate?

You've got enough jewels in that safe to take care of me for a long, long time.

Wouldn't a handful of jewels be worth it?

I've given you enough in this marriage, Paul.

I've been liberal with your allowance.

I managed to get you that job in the department store.

Oh, yes, I think you can consider yourself very well paid for services

Then the answer is still no?

Oh, I want you out of my life, Paul, believe me.

But I'm not willing to pay for that privilege, too.

Staying home this weekend?

Oh, yes.

Just a quiet weekend at home. That's all I want.

But when will you be back?

Not until late.

Bye, Paul.

Goodbye, Kate.

Have a wonderful trip.

Mrs. Collins.

You said Sunday at seven, Mr. DeVore.

Right on time.

I'm glad you showed up.

Do I have any choice?

Of course you do.

We all have a choice in this world, don't we?

In your case, it was this or jail.

I don't consider that a choice.

Good. Here, let me take your coat.

Step inside and have a drink.

Well, we have plenty of everything.

My wife is an excellent hostess.

What would you like?

Nothing for me, thanks.

Well, you don't mind if I do?

Is this your wife?

Yes, that's Kate.

She's very attractive.

Isn't she?

I don't understand you.

With a house like this, an attractive wife... I never said my wife wasn't

attractive, Mrs. Callan.

But she has a congenital ailment.

Oh? She loathes me.

Listen, Mr. DeVore, isn't there some other way we can settle this?

I'll do anything you say. Couldn't I just pay for the merchandise?

That's exactly why you're here, isn't it?

No, don't.

You know, women are really very funny.

That's exactly the same reaction I get from my wife.

But then my wife doesn't have a signed confession in my office safe.

Come with me, please.

What's all this?

Never mind.

Here.

Now, Mrs. Callan, will you tie my left foot, please, to the bed?

Tie your foot? Please hurry, Mrs. Callan.

Tightly clear.

It's good, strong nylon.

Hurry, please.

That's the idea.

Now, my right hand, please.

Why are you making me do this?

Don't ask stupid questions. Just do as you're told.

That stool looks tighter, please.

That's it.

Doing fine.

That's the idea, Mrs. Callan.

Tighter, please.

Now, I want you to bring me some adhesive tape.

Tape? There's some on the vanity table in the dressing room.

Hurry, Mrs. Callan.

What in the world?

Hurry with that tape, please.

What happened in there? It looks like... Yes, Mrs. Callan, it looks like what?

So that's it.

The tape, please.

Put a strip of it over my mouth.

You're nothing but a thief yourself.

The tape, please.

Phony burglary, that's your idea, isn't it? You robbed that safe.

Forget it.

Just in case you have any funny ideas, remember I have your statement, your

signed confession in my office.

So you forget everything you've seen here tonight.

Don't worry.

I'll be only too happy to forget it. Then put the tape over my mouth, turn

the lights, and get out of here.

What happened?

Mama.

Gone.

Everything.

Oh,

but you are lucky. You're so lucky.

They must have been very desperate burglars, darling.

They might have killed you.

And what in the world would I do without you?

What in the world will I do without you?

I wish I could say that everyone lived happily ever after, but that would not

quite true.

Perhaps you noticed that Paul DeVore was not at all well when we last saw him.

As for Kate, the poor child found herself accused of murder by an overly

conscientious district attorney.

Furthermore, he managed to convict her. Most peculiar.

Now a commercial, but hurry back. I blast off in one minute.

With luck, I shall be out of orbit in time for next week's story.

Until then, good night.

Thank you.