All language subtitles for Alfred Hitchcock s06e34 Servant Problem

Good evening. I've decided to take up
touch football.

I understand it's the thing to do. The
players are perfect gentlemen.

That penalty was not for them. It was a
clipping penalty and was called on an

overzealous popcorn salesman whom I
caught shortchanging a customer.

He'll be penalized five cents.

However, he's the best man they have.

I'm sure he'll make it up on the next
play.

I see by the clock that we have time for
just one more play before the halftime

show, which is entitled Servant Problem.

Here. Hello, Mr. Drake. What are you
still doing here?

When I left, you only had a couple of
more pages to type.

No, I finished those hours ago.

I thought I'd fix some hors d 'oeuvres
for your company tonight.

So you have.

Good, very good.

What happened to Mrs. Hoffman?

Oh, she came down with a virus or
something.

I didn't want you to get stranded, so I
thought I'd fix the hors d 'oeuvres.

You're an angel.

No, I take that back. You're a genius.

I'm sorry about Mrs. Hoffman's virus,
but she never made hors d 'oeuvres like

this.

Sure you can manage without her? I could
call an employment agency and get

somebody. No, I really don't need
anyone. There's just a few people

Standish and his wife and the Coltons.

They'll be here any minute.

Champagne. Sort of a celebration.

Standish has just agreed to publish my
new book.

That's wonderful.

Congratulations, Mr. Drake.

Congratulations to you.

Delicious. Well, I'd better rush home
and fix dinner for Tom and the boys.

The secretary's work is never done.

Good night, and have a good time, Mr.
Drake. Good night, and thanks again.

Merwin? What's that?

Merwin Goff?

Merwin! It's me, Molly!

Don't you even recognize me?

Oh, Merwin, I'm so glad I found you.

Oh, I'm so happy I could bust.

Let me look at you.

Oh, you look marvelous.

You're a living doll.

Oh, Marvin, you're even better looking
than you used to be, you know that?

Molly.

Molly, for heaven's sake, I thought
that... What, that I was dead, huh? I

you did.

My gosh, how long has it been now? 22
years?

I didn't recognize you. You've changed
so much. Oh, listen, don't I know? I got

fat, huh?

Well, you know, I don't know what
happens to a girl.

Remember how slim I used to be when you
first married me? You used to call me a

little fawn, remember?

Molly, Molly, you can't. You can't stay
here.

Listen, it took me long enough to find
you. I'm not going to let you get away

now.

Oh, Moen.

What a play.

Oh, gee, it's just beautiful.

Molly, I said you can't stay here.

Listen, I'm still your wife, remember?

Molly, for the love of heaven, it's been
years, 22 years.

Yeah, 22 years since you walked out on
me. You know, that wasn't very nice.

You could have knocked me over with a
feather when I seen your picture in the

paper. In the society column.

That girl.

That, um...

What's the name that Sylvia something or
another?

Sylvia Colton.

Yeah, her.

I knew it was you, though, the minute I
seen your picture.

Even with that phony name.

Kerwin Drake.

Boy,

what a name you picked out for yourself.

Listen, it's better than Merwin Gough. I
used to hate her when they called me

Mrs. Gough.

Molly, there's something you must
realize.

Everything about me has changed since
those days. Sure. Not just my name,

everything. Yeah.

Oh, you never did understand.

Oh, well, listen, Merwin.

I was just a kid. What did I know?

Are you that lady when you sat around
that lousy old kitchen with that broken

down old typewriter?

How did I know you were going to amount
to anything?

I mean, you know, be famous and rich.

I'm not rich.

Oh, well, it don't matter, Merwin.
Nothing matters now.

It doesn't matter to you that you walked
out on me.

We'll just start all over again, huh?

Are you serious?

Sure.

You think I left you because of some
whim?

I knew it wasn't working out, that we
were too far apart. That's why I left.

And we're 22 years further apart now.

Oh, well, Merwin... You think I haven't
tried to find you? I spent years looking

for you.

Did you?

Only to make the break final and legal.
Only you never stayed in one place long

enough for me to reach you.

Well, I was traveling. I like to travel.

Well, we can't talk anymore tonight.

I've got friends coming, important
friends. My publisher, for one.

They'll be here any minute.

Is she coming, too?

You mean Sylvia?

As a matter of fact, she is. You like
her, Mowen?

I mean, do you like her as good as you
used to like me? Oh, further.

Oh, well, never mind. It don't matter. I
was just asking.

Wait. Wait, I'm going to show you
something.

What do you think you're doing? Wait a
minute now.

I brought my best dress with me. See?

Look. You won't be ashamed of me at that
party.

Didn't you hear what I said?

You can't stay here.

Well, don't get excited.

I'll... I was only going to stay one
night. I got me an apartment on 48th

Street, just three blocks from here.

Only they won't let me move in till
tomorrow.

I said you can't stay here tonight.

I got no place to go, Merwin.

Well, you could go to a hotel.

Here.

Here's some money.

I don't want your money.

And I ain't going to no hotel, neither.

I'm going to stay right here till we get
things settled.

Oh, Molly, please. I ain't leaving.

You can throw me out if you want to, but
I'll come right back.

Now, look. Oh, look yourself.

I'll make trouble for you, Marwyn.

You see if I don't.

Now, listen.

You can stay here tonight.

Yeah, but only tonight, understand?

In the morning, we can talk things over.
Oh, Melvin!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't, don't,
don't touch me. I want you to go

right now. Yeah. Take the first door to
the right. It's the guest room. Yeah.

Only I don't want you leaving it for a
minute, you understand?

I've got important people coming here
tonight, and I don't want you to breathe

loud enough for them to hear you.

Okay, Melvin. I'll be as quiet as a
mouse.

What, what, up there?

Yes.

And remember what I said.

Oh, sure, Morwen, sure.

No, the publishing business isn't what
it used to be.

Kerwin can tell you that.

Hard to sell a book these days, unless
you can put a beautiful woman with an

murderer on the cover.

Oh, please, Harold.

You promised there wouldn't be any
business talk tonight.

Oh, I find it very interesting.

Don't you, George?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, of course.

I'm afraid you won't get any sympathy
from my father, Mr. Standish. He rather

likes those books with the beautiful
women and the axe murderers.

Well, I don't get time for much serious
reading, but I did enjoy your last book,

Kerwin. All right, thank you.

Sylvia? Oh, I think I've had my quota
for tonight.

But Daddy's glass looks a little empty.

Oh, thank you, Sylvia.

Kerwin? Oh, what's the matter with me?
I've completely forgotten the hors d

'oeuvre. Oh, thank you. Not for me, Mr.
Drake.

Oh, no, you must try these. They're
delicious.

I'll go and get them. Well, let me help
you.

Kerwin? Yes.

Is anything the matter?

Why not? Why do you ask?

I think I know you.

Oh, no, it's nothing really. I just feel
a little nervous tonight.

You're sure it's just that?

Of course.

We'd better get back.

You really have to try these. They're
terrific.

Mrs. Standish?

Well, just one.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, what's that caviar? I love caviar.

These are good.

Never liked these itty -bitty things
myself.

These are unusually good, Harold. Do try
one.

Thank you.

Thank you, Carolyn.

Not bad.

Well, Carolyn?

I understand you're already planning the
next book.

Yes, that's right.

As a matter of fact, I was thinking of
the Middle East as the setting this

Does that mean you'll be traveling
again?

Oh, I hope not.

Well, you know how I feel about
backgrounds in my novels.

I need to touch the smell of the places
I'm writing about.

Yes, well, that certainly makes sense.

But you wouldn't be going soon, would
you? I mean, right now, with conditions

unsettled over there. That's not really
what Mother means, Kerwin. She means it

wouldn't be a very good place for a
honeymoon.

Well, I wasn't thinking of it like that.
I thought I'd work out the novel first,

and then later, perhaps... Well, I think
a toast is in

order, don't you?

To Kerwin's new book.

That's a fine idea.

I'll propose it.

Here's to the book.

I hope it makes money. Oh, really,
Harold?

To you, Kerwin.

Hello, everybody.

To heaven's sake.

Oh, it's my cook. Just Molly, my cook.

Molly.

Molly, why didn't you stay where I told
you?

I told you time and time again to stay
in your room when I have my guests here.

I won't have you traipsing around the
house this way.

Never mind the excuses.

I know you're all dressed up to go out
tonight, but you can go into the kitchen

and wait for your boyfriend there.

Do you understand me?

Yeah, I understand.

And stay in there until I'm ready to
talk to you. Do you hear me?

I'm sorry, Merwin. I just got a little
lonesome sitting up there by myself. Go

on.

Bye.

I'm sorry about that, but tomorrow's her
day off. and, well, tonight she was

going to live it up, but I think her
boyfriend stood her up.

What an odd woman.

Well, I'm sure she's a very good cook,
if Kerwin hired her.

She is, if she made these delicious hors
d 'oeuvres.

Why, as a matter of fact, she did.

She's really superb.

You can get used to the way she looks
once you've tasted her food.

You didn't let me know you were hiring a
cook, Kerwin.

Didn't I?

Well, it must have slipped my mind.

Yes, I hired her last week.

You're darn lucky to have her, let me
tell you. My wife can no more find a

cook than I can break 80 on the golf
course.

It really is a dreadful problem.

You have no idea how difficult servants
are these days.

We've had seven cooks in the last year,
and each worse than the other.

We had to set the table every night with
knives, forks, and stomach pumps.

Well, I guess I never thought much about
it.

I mean, I don't eat at home too often
anyway.

What a waste.

Well, of course, I still don't know
whether she'll work out.

Molly, I mean.

She might prove to be a problem.

Never mind how she looks. Just keep her
chained to the stove. Good cooks are

scarce at hand these days.

I certainly agree with that.

You hold on to her, Kerwin.

Heavenly.

You are a lucky man, Mr. Drake.

Yes, I...

I guess I am.

Enjoy the evening, Kerwin.

We'll have to do it at our place some
night soon. It was lovely, Kerwin. Thank

you so much. Are you coming with us,
Sylvia, or... I think I'll stay a while

more. Now, don't go running off to
Pakistan or someplace without telling

Where's that wife of mine? Come on,
Lydia. It's getting late.

Sorry. I just had to go in the kitchen
and compliment your cook, Mr. Drake.

You talked to her? Yes.

I had to tell her how much I enjoyed her
hors d 'oeuvre.

Kerwin, let's have lunch together one
day next week, okay?

That'll be fine. I'll call you. Good
night, Kerwin. Good night.

Thank you, Kerwin. Good night.

See you later, dear.

Kerwin? Yeah?

Were you serious about that Middle East
trip?

Yes, I guess so.

I haven't any definite plans.

Kerwin?

Well, there was no time limit set, was
there?

Is that how you feel about it?

Oh, Sylvia, for heaven's sake, let's not
make something out of nothing.

Aren't you afraid you'll spoil your
appetite?

Appetite?

Well, we haven't eaten yet, and I sort
of assumed that you'd take me to dinner.

Oh?

Well, the fact is I plan to work
tonight.

Well, riders have their feeding time
too, don't they? Just like all the other

zoo animals.

I'm sorry, Sylvia.

Well, guess I'd better leave you alone
then.

I'll call you tomorrow.

We'll have dinner. If you like.

You've caused them enough trouble
tonight.

Go upstairs and pack your bag.

Well, I'm sorry if I spoiled your
evening.

Why didn't you let me cook dinner for
you and Miss Snooty Nose?

I'm supposed to be the cook, right?

What did you want me to say? That you're
my wife?

Well, it's true, ain't it?

Only you had to say I was nothing but a
lousy cook.

If you were a cook, I'm sure you'd be a
lousy one.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I had a short order job once in
Phoenix, and I was pretty good, too.

Honey, I ain't no servant.

I'm married to you and I got my rights.

I told you to go upstairs, pack your bag
and get out of here.

Okay for you, my one.

I'll go to the hotel tonight. Only
tomorrow I'm moving into that apartment.

And you better come over there and talk
things over with me. You can do all your

talking to my lawyer.

411 48th Street, apartment 3B.

You better come about 12 o 'clock.

Oh, no, I won't.

You better be there, Moen.

It's you.

Well, you were dying to get me over
here. Here I am.

Oh, yeah, well... Okay, my one, come on
in.

Well, let's get this over fast.

I know what you want from me, and I'm
prepared to pay you $5 ,000 to stop

bothering me.

Look, maybe we ought to talk this over
later, huh?

I mean, maybe we could go have dinner in
a restaurant, I mean. Would you?

No, thanks.

We'll do it right now. I want this thing
settled.

I even brought my checkbook.

That's not what I want.

$10 ,000 is my last offer.

And that on condition that you agree to
acquire divorce immediately.

I don't want your money.

And I ain't your servant no matter what
you tell your friends. I'm your wife.

I won't pay you more than $10 ,000 and
that's my final offer. If you don't want

it, all right. I'll fight you. I'll get
that divorce. Oh, yeah?

Well, I won't give you no divorce.

You ain't gonna walk out on me twice.

You don't get rid of me that easy.

And I'm tired of being pushed around,
you understand?

I'm your wife.

I'm your wife! Oh, shut up! Shut up!

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I came to see if I could hire you a
cook.

Last night when I went into the kitchen,
I asked for her address.

When I heard your voice outside just
now, I hid myself.

Please don't hurt me, Mr. Drake.

I only wanted a cook.

A cook!

we continue our game, I must tidy up the
story a bit.

Kerwin Drake was put on trial for his
crime, and the judge threw the book at

him, which was exactly what Mr.

Standish did to his wife.

But in that case, it was the cookbook.

Please rejoin me after this brief
institutional announcement.

Good night until next week.

Now I must get back to the touch.

Football game.

Touché, touché.