Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is one instance when two heads are not better than one.

However, I don't believe people realize what a happy lot we criminals have.

What could be better than to be wanted?

It gives one the inner security of knowing he has a place in society, that

is popular and sought after.

No wonder criminals vie with each other to be among the top ten.

Tonight's story is called Outlaw in Town, and most of it takes place in the

Chance Saloon.

It should follow immediately, but I have promised my sponsor first chance.

Well, boys, how do you like the weather?

Outside, it's snowing and blowing.

Thousands of our cattle are freezing stone cold dead.

And in the face of that, this red crested bobbling has the gall to walk in

and ask us how we like the weather.

How would you like a good solid smack on the bugle?

I don't think I care for it, thank you.

Shot of 40 rod, if you please, bartender.

Out here we call our poison red -eye.

The only ones which call it 40 -rot are Texans and other foreigners of that ilk.

Where you from, mister?

Oh, I just rode in over the North Trail.

Which, if you did, you just performed a feat unparalleled in the history of

Buffalo Bend.

How so?

To the north of here lies Buffalo Mountain. Not even a big horned sheep

come down the sheer face of that cliff, especially in a blizzard.

Does it make any special difference just how I got to your miserable little

metropolis? No, it don't.

But I found out that when a man lies about where he come from, he usually had

leave there in a hurry. I don't care where you're from or what you've done. I

just don't like liars.

I see.

Well, now, this calls for some sort of physical action. Oh, don't fight, boys.

You ever hear of an old Indian proverb?

Yeah. Well, you're going to hear it again, Doc, from an authentic old

Never fight over anything that you can't eat, make love to, or put in your

pocket. Now, you stay out of this many, Red Wing.

This here Jasper has just insulted my civic pride.

And I want to kill him just a little bit.

Well, that's what you were fumbling for, mister?

Which, the son of a gun, steals my sixth gun before I can bat an eye.

That's a trick in gunfight I never encountered before, mister.

Where'd you pick up the knack of handling other people's personal

Oh, it's nothing, really.

I hereby proclaim that this here stranger just performed a feat

the history of Buffalo Bend.

He came down to face a buffalo mountain in a blizzard.

My name's Bart McCormick, son. What do they call you?

Some people call me Tony.

Tell me what?

Where I come from, little man, it's considered bad manners to ask a stranger

last name.

Unless he volunteers the information.

Do you really want to know, little man?

Not specially.

But I... I've seen your mug somewheres, mister.

That's Shasta Cooney.

But don't waste your time on her, Doug.

She may be prettier than me, but I have a warm, generous heart.

Name's Tony.

Can I do something for you?

I was wondering if you'd care to buy a lady a drink.

Oh, I sure enough would.

What is she?

I was referring to myself.

Are you really a sure enough lady?

How would you know?

But you never even met one before in your whole life.

Not even at home.

If you're one, oh, I sure enough have.

I've been bumping into ladies in bars and such all over the West.

But in my simple ignorance, I didn't recognize them.

I always thought a lady was somebody who wouldn't be caught dead edging drinks

in a place like this.

I'll have you know that I do not deal in, sell, trade, or give away anything

that cannot be poured out of a bottle.

Anyway, out here a lady's got to earn a living somehow.

Especially a widow lady.

My husband was killed in Texas by a bandit more than a year ago.

I was dealt that hand before.

Only this girl said her husband had been killed by a sheriff.

She had eyes like you, and hair like you, and she talked like you.

And, being young and unsophisticated, I believed her.

So?

So one day I found myself minus my money, my silver spurs, and my belt

I had to walk out of town.

She also stole my horse.

Seeing as how I never accept anything from a gentleman, I cannot fit in my

suitcase. I am not interested in your horse, mister.

Just your silver spurs and your belt buckle and whatever else you got in your

poke.

Now that the card's on the table.

Would you care to try your luck?

Well, I'd like to buy you a drink at that, Shasta.

Unfortunately, I just spent my last dollar at the bar. I'm broke.

Well, there's still room in my suitcase for your silver spurs and your belt

buckle. I happen to value my silver spurs and belt buckle even more than I

the pleasure of your continued company, Shasta.

How would you like to play out that?

Any red wing, this poor man's... broke and he's thirsty.

Give him a small beer and put it on my tab.

Oh, and Minnie, he's probably hungry too.

Throw in one pretzel.

Tightwad.

In his case, beggars can't be choosers.

Drink up, mister.

right for being so tight.

But your credit's good with me, Duck.

You can have anything you ask for. You name it, and if I haven't got it, I'll

out and get it.

No, thanks, Minnie. I'm not thirsty.

You're a man after my own heart, Tony.

If you should wish another drink, even for the purpose of pouring it down

Cooney's neck, it's on me.

Now, I don't accept drinks I can't pay back, but I would like to play some

poker. Well, what are you going to use for money, Duck?

This.

If this is a stick -up, I won't resist.

You can have anything on the premises, and that includes me.

I'll go peaceful.

It isn't a stick -up, Minnie. I'm just going to put up my six -gun for the sake

of the game.

I'll call with my six -gun, and I'll raise my belt, holster, and cartridges.

That's all for me.

I'll see you.

What have you got?

Three aces.

Four treasures.

But now that he ain't armed, I'll explain to you why he's so bashful about

telling where he come from.

He's from Texas, and his name's Tony Lorca, alias the Whistling Kid.

And if you don't believe me, take a look at this here poster that I found in the

post office.

Boy, that sure enough is a picture of you, Tony.

It describes you, too. Down to your silver spurs, a fancy buckle.

Haven't you got a whistle when you're in the mood to kill?

Wanted dead or alive for mail robbery, stagecoach holdups, bank robbery,

desertion, treason.

Arson, mayhem, manslaughter, and kidnapping.

Not to mention cattle rustling, horse stealing, and the theft of 100 mules

the U .S. Cavalry.

Oh, my goodness, son. Seems to me the only crime you ain't got around to

committing is hurting sheep.

I deny everything.

What's he accused of?

Everything.

This here's the whistling kid.

Which is real, Monica. It's Tony Lorca.

Tony Lorca? You're the man the Texas Sheriff wrote me about.

You killed my husband.

If I did, you have my commiserations, but not my apologies.

The only men I've ever killed were those who were trying to turn me in for the

reward money.

Don't look at me.

What? I wouldn't think of taking you to the U .S. Marshal at Center City.

Like it says to do in that there poster.

Even if the reward money is $5 ,000.

$5 ,000?

Well, what are you waiting for? Boy, he is an arm. Somebody take him into

custody. Which, if anybody tries it, he's liable to get his teeth shot out

his own gun.

Besides, I don't need $5 ,000 that much.

Well, I do.

Anyway, reward money's rightfully mine. Now, how do you figure that?

I found that poster, didn't I?

It was my husband he killed, wasn't it?

The Whistling Kid ought to be community property for all of us to participate

in. Share and share alike.

Now, that's socialism.

I think that the reward money should go to the man who earns it.

I don't want to butt in, but would anyone be interested in my... You stay

this. Now, somebody grab him before he tries to get away.

He won't get very far. I just came in from the south, and the only pass out of

town is closed.

Hmm. Well, looks like you'll be with us for some time, son.

Meanwhile, I freely offer to finance your creature comforts and whatever

the town affords.

I never accept money I don't earn or steal.

I don't think you cost me much, son.

One of these horned toads is a cinch to shoot you in the back for the reward

before you can run up much of a bill.

Now that's a consolation.

Here I am, worth $5 ,000, and I haven't got the price of a pint of beer or a

plate of beans.

I am a certified check I can't cash.

I'll cash you.

At a discount, of course.

Why, whatever do you mean, Shasta?

If I advance you the money for grub and booze, will you let me turn you into the

marshal in Center City when the road's clear?

That's the most immoral proposition I ever heard of.

You're asking me to sell my own life.

It's better than giving it away.

Like Bart says, somebody like to shoot you in the back.

This way you get to spend some of your own reward money on yourself.

Hmm.

That would be a joke on the government, wouldn't it?

What's your offer, Shasta?

Well, seeing as how you killed the only husband I ever had, I'll be generous.

Fifty dollars.

I'd rather be shot in the back.

All right.

I hereby agree to Shasta Cooney's deal, but not her terms.

Now, here I stand before you, gentlemen. Look at me.

Worth $5 ,000.

All I ask is a mere pittance to see me through my last few days on earth.

Come on, what am I being?

Huh?

I'll make it $60.

I have $60, the way you're 70.

Personally, I haven't got 60 cents in cash, but I do own 600 marinos.

I'll bid 65 sheep.

Now, you say I kill your husband, Shasta. Are you going to let someone

the honor of turning me over to the hangman?

$200.

Anytime I pay 600 sheep for a man, I want him alive, awake, and available.

All right, the last bid was 500. Do I hear 600?

600.

700.

800. Oh, that little lady really wants to see me hang.

What's it worth to you, Zach?

$900.

Shasta?

$800 is all I have in cash.

I refuse to dip into my suitcase.

Sold for $900.

I'm so sorry, Shasta.

But I'll make it up to you.

I'll see that you get an invitation to the hanging.

I wouldn't miss that for anything in the world.

Horrible waste.

What's wasteful about it? Business being what it is, those girls haven't had a

full meal in weeks.

Spending money that's rightfully mine.

I don't know how you figure that.

And what do you expect him to do with the money? Save it for his old age?

Don't forget there's a rope waiting for him, Shasta.

That's a consolation.

It don't console me none.

He's too pretty a pale taste to die with his tongue sticking out.

George, I'd like to ask you about this. Jack, you better rot hurt on him.

The government isn't going to pay you any reward money if he eats himself to

death.

I rightly don't care what happens to Tony now. I sold him.

You sold him?

Well, that is, I sold my rights of the reward money to Bud Conyers for $1 ,000

worth of hay.

Anything illegal about that, Judge?

Well, I, being a mere justice of the peace, I'm not sure, but I am sure that

hope you haven't set a precedent.

Excuse me.

Don't think I'm neglecting you, Shasta.

Here.

Champagne. It's a genuine French article.

Don't you think that you can buy my friendship with anything that's been

out of a grape?

Still kisses her like that. I wonder what he'd do if they were friends.

It should happen to me.

Put that on my tab.

Hey!

Hey, somebody bring a hooker and red -eye.

Shasta's done faded.

Why, that big brute crushed the wind out of her. Here, this water ought to do

it.

Keep her up. Maybe she'll drown.

A new all -time high.

Tony Larkin's stock sure enough is soaring. Well, who owns Tony Larkin now?

Younger. Now, that pass has been open for a whole day.

Why don't Bill just take them over to Center City and cash them in?

Well, that's a long trip.

Besides, Bill's hoping to turn Tony over for a quick profit. Well, now, who'd be

silly enough to pay more than $3 ,750 for Tony under the circumstances?

What's silly about it?

Who are you?

I'm Trig Owens. This is Pac Muntz. We represent a syndicate out of the town of

'Leary's Laps.

We just paid $4 ,500 for Tony Lorca. In case anybody's interested, the new price

is $7 ,000.

Why, that's $2 ,000 over par. The government only offers $5 ,000.

Well, if the government wants any part of the Whistlin' Kid, they'll have to

our price.

After all, we got a corner on the market, ain't we?

Yes, but can you deliver the goods?

How do you know that Tony hasn't arranged with a gang of his to hold you

snatch him away from you on the way to Center City?

I'll bet you anything that's just what Tony's got up his sleeve.

You don't think he's gonna let himself get hung without putting up a fight, do

you? Well, I'll be.

It looks like we've been horn -swoggled and hoodwinked.

Let's go gather up the boys and shoot up this mangy town, Frigg.

This mangy town's full of suckers, Pack.

And they'll go for any deal they can get on cheap.

Come on, we're going after the small investors.

Tony Loco.

Get in.

This is kidnapping.

You know that, don't you?

Shut up.

I just won you in a raffle.

Suppose you're taking me to the United States Marshal of Center City.

Why should I?

You want to see me hang for killing your husband, of course.

I forgot to tell you.

Before you killed him, he deserted me and ran off with a female pharaoh dealer

from Gila Bend.

I wouldn't want to see you hang just for killing him.

You forget I'm worth $5 ,000 at the end of the road.

The border isn't far off.

The other day you kissed me.

I know you did it just to spite, but...

It shook me to my very foundation.

I suddenly felt a crazy, overwhelming impulse to give you the entire contents

my suitcase.

How'd it make you feel?

Come to think of it, there does seem to be some kind of haunting memory attached

to the episode.

Maybe I'd better refresh my memory.

This here's Tony Lorca, Marshal.

Now, he was here until last night when he just disappeared.

That's Tony Lorca, all right.

But wherever he is, he must be in a remarkable state of decomposition,

considering the fact he's been dead more than a year.

Dead? Mm -hmm.

Then who?

Oh, that other man.

That was Tony's brother, Pepe. He looks like Tony.

But Pepe's not a man of crime or violence. He's more of a con man.

Oh, I knew he was some kind of crook.

You going to arrest him?

No.

Pepe's been making his living going around and hanging up his brother's

posters in post offices.

Then he waits for human greed to set in.

As far as I know, there's nothing illegal about that.

Well, he roped Zack Martin out of $900.

Ain't that illegal?

Zack got his money back and made a profit on the deal.

Yeah, so did all the others, including that syndicate from O 'Leary's Labs,

where they more than come out even on the raffle.

Well, somebody must have lost.

Sure, that's it.

What did Shasta Cooney get for her money? Shasta Cooney only invested in

price of a lottery ticket.

And Shasta got Pepe Lorca.

I had your room all ready for you.

Well, I see he's got her suitcase.

He sure enough has.

Now, don't tell me that ain't illegal.

I married him last night.

Thus ends the saga of the whistling kid.

I'm afraid he no longer does much whistling, but he's no kid anymore

shall return after we hear about a product which my sponsor feels is the

wanted.

I have just been reading some of the shocking things they have written about

Age, weight.

I assure you I'm not guilty.

Why don't you tune in next week and see if I beat this rap.

Until then, good night.