Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I've just been terribly hurt.

My ceramics instructor just insulted my pot, the one I made in his

class. He says it isn't fit to be put in the kiln, and he'll probably be

throwing it out in a moment.

He's in there now, cleaning out the kiln.

Tonight's play is The Contest for Air and Gold.

and it begins after the usual one -minute pause for sponsor

Well, it'll mean lighting it myself, and I've never done that.

Don't blame me. What can you expect from a generation that was raised on Hansel

and Gretel?

I understand that, Mr. Stern.

Angelo, please.

I shouldn't have to listen to excuses.

Let me remind you that in five days, five miserable days, no more, no less,

are opening this camp.

The parents are going to be driving their children up there.

And they can't park their cars in the lake. I understand that, Mr. Stern. You

told me that. You can't park the parents in the lake.

And tell that to those zombies at work for you. I'll talk to you later, Angelo.

Bernie! Bernie Samuelson!

Sir? Bernie, boy, you're right on time. I just finished putting up the sign and

who should show up but Mr. Ceramics himself.

How do you like it? Fine. Looks real nice. I'm sure I'll like it fine.

I thought you would. And we've got every facility, and I mean every facility,

exactly as stated in the new catalog.

We got kind of a motto here at Lakeside. You will never repent what you don't

misrepresent. Am I right or am I right?

Oh, excuse me a minute, Bernie.

Lefty, up there on the tower.

That's Lefty James, our head counselor. I told you about him.

Lefty, say hello to Bernie Samuelson.

Sam -u -l -son.

Sir M. X.

Watch this.

Beats the fire department the way this guy goes into action.

You know, it's no fluke. He was once in a Tarzan picture.

Watch him now.

Knowing your background in sculpture, Bernie, and I'm not one to buy a pig in

poke. Knowing your background, I'm confident that you'll agree with me that

ceramics has taken a large step forward here at Camp Lakeside.

Like I told you in New York at our interview, our motto is top -notch

performance for top -notch clientele.

Or, in other words,

Let's have something to show the parents

This instrument fellas as

many of you know is called a potter's wheel Men have been using them for

hundreds of years to make themselves many beautiful and useful things

You know once upon a time not so

very long ago there was no such thing as a neighborhood variety store or

Or a department store.

Or a hardware store where people could buy the things that they now take for

granted.

Men had to make things with their hands.

And that's how, well, that's how craftsmanship began.

Uncle Bernie? Yes.

Why do we call you Uncle, Uncle Bernie?

Oh, well, it's policy.

Gives the camp more of a family atmosphere.

Last year I went to Camp Whispering Willow and it was different.

We call the counselors Cousin Whispering Willow, like Cousin Leo or Cousin

Jerome. I see. Well, the counselors were probably younger there, Henry. That

could be why you called them Cousin.

Cousin Herman at Whispering Willow. He was twice as old as my father.

Bless him.

He should live to be a thousand.

Right now we're talking about the potter's wheel, Henry. The thing that's

it so remarkable through the centuries is the fact... Hey, Uncle Bernie, he's

like a dog in my ear. He's a liar. It wasn't no dog. It was nothing but a

All right, knock it off.

I suppose everybody helps himself to clay. Not for sticking it in each

ears, mind you.

But just to get the feel of what we're trying to do here.

All right, come on, come on.

What do you think it is, Uncle Bernie?

I'll give you a hint.

It wriggles.

And it also crawls on its belly, Uncle Bernie.

You get it yet?

A snake?

You knew it all the time.

That's because I had certain advantages, Henry.

Three special courses at one of our finest universities.

Otherwise, I might never have known.

Pancake, huh?

Always a great favorite.

Something you can depend on.

snakes and ashtrays.

It shows great promise.

Well,

we seem to have missed each other.

What's your name?

It's Aaron.

Aaron what?

Aaron Gold, Uncle Bernie.

I mean to forget about the swimming.

I promise to play with everybody else the next time.

And I promise I won't go off by myself either.

You gonna report me?

Take it easy, Aaron.

There's nothing to worry about.

You mind letting me see what you made?

Oh, it's nothing. It's just an old thing. Really, it's nothing.

Well, I'll say this for it, Aaron. and it looks like a pretty interesting

nothing. Do you mind?

Tonic you don't buy in a bottle. Real nice, Mr. Stern. Real nice.

How'd it go today with ceramics?

The boys are catching on?

Well, yes and no. It varies with group to group, of course. No projects yet?

Not yet. Not the first day, Mr. Stern.

Some of these kids come from artistic families, Bernie. They catch on quick,

believe me.

Quick, quick, quick.

Like lightning, these boys. You have a tough time keeping up with them.

Uh, one thing I thought I'd mention.

Lefty was a little annoyed this morning.

old kid coming 15 minutes late for swimming.

I told Lefty I'd mention it to you. You know, that couldn't be helped, Mr.

Stern. What happened was the kid was... Oh, please, Bernie.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that you held the kid back on purpose.

I know how kids are.

I'm just trying to give it to you from Lefty's point of view.

From Lefty's point of view, huh?

Another thing.

Lefty says the gold kid is kind of peculiar.

Teaching him to swim, he says, is like trying to float a rock.

Peculiar? Why?

Please, Bernie, don't ask me. Ask Lefty.

I can tell you one thing, though, from my own experience.

Swimming is very important.

If there's one thing parents like to see when they come on visiting day, it's

their kids swimming back and forth, back and forth like fish in a tub.

I never thought of that before.

Oh, we aim to develop a well -rounded boy here at Camp Lakeside.

Let's face it, Bernie.

Even Lefty can't teach a kid to swim if he's not there.

Hey, fellas, that Uncle Ian will have the ball.

Aaron, the legs.

The legs are beautiful. How'd you manage that?

Oh, I worried, Uncle Bernie.

For almost two whole weeks, I worried about the legs. Okay, so you worried. So

what else did you do?

to feel my own legs.

You know, the way things really are.

So, today I started over.

You like the way he's standing?

I like very much the way he's standing.

Standing brave, isn't he?

I don't get that, Aaron.

I mean, I don't understand exactly what you mean.

Well, it's no good at all unless he's really standing brave.

Well, he could be standing brave.

Certainly no one could say he's not standing brave.

What kind of dragon do you think the knight is fighting, Uncle Bernie?

You gonna make a dragon, Aaron?

No.

Well, excuse me, Aaron, but if you're not gonna make a dragon, then what

difference does it make what kind?

You mean you don't understand?

I'm sorry, I guess I don't.

dragon as Uncle Bernie.

The braver the knight would have to be for fighting such a dragon.

Even if we can't see what it is.

Okay, fellas, there it goes.

All right, fellas, let's go. Come on.

Aaron,

didn't you hear the whistle?

Aaron, did you or did you not hear the whistle?

That's fine. That's great. You can work some more on Wednesday. Let's blow a

nice attendance record you've got for the last two weeks. Uncle Lefty will be

waiting. Come on. Please, Uncle Bernie.

Please what?

Please, won't you let me finish the legs?

Now I know what the dragon looks like.

Well, I have it all in my mind.

Can I, Uncle Bernie?

lucky it's me, not Lefty James, who's calling on you now.

Lefty's so mad he could chew the oars right out of his robe. Now, wait a

Did I or did I not tell you to get the gold kid the swimming instruction on

time? Did I? I tried, Mr. Stern. You tried?

I'm telling you for the last time, Bernie.

Letting a kid play potsy with clay all day long is not my idea of the well

-rounded approach.

A parent who pays a lot of money is not going to be satisfied with a lousy clay

pot. Mr. Stern.

This is not a parking lot, Mr. Stern. Aaron was not working with asphalt.

Asphalt, blast fault.

In two weeks' time, Lefty James has got 111 kids swimming like they was

mackerels without board motors on them.

Every kid in camp except Little Sir Amex.

Who? You heard me. Little Sir Amex.

Otherwise known as Aaron Gold.

That's what Lefty calls him now.

Well, you tell Lefty James for me, Mr. Stern.

You tell that big -mouthed, muscle -bound peacock out there that... What

you like me to tell him for you, Bernie?

Never mind. Forget I said it.

We understand each other, don't we, Bernie?

I guess we do.

Good. Then there's no hard feeling.

As long as Lefty's not screaming in this, whatchamacallit, of Aaron Gold's

two arms on it when his parents come on Sunday.

All right?

I guess it'll have to be all right.

Aaron, couldn't you work a little faster?

Faster? Yeah.

Well, Uncle Bernie, how can I go faster when I want it to be right? Aaron, it's

going to be great. It's going to be fine.

But you only got this period to finish it. Your parents are coming on Sunday.

Don't you see what I mean?

Only my father, Uncle Bernie.

Only my father will be coming on Sunday.

And he isn't married to my mother anymore. Your father.

What would he think if after three weeks' time you hadn't even finished one

thing?

He wouldn't care.

Not if it was beautiful.

I'm sorry, Uncle Billy.

I can't go faster.

Father wouldn't be disappointed, huh?

No.

Aaron, think of Mr. Stern. Who?

Mr. Stern. What's he got to do with it? Mr.

Stern is the owner of Camp Lakeside. You know how proud he is of the way they

get things done here on time?

For cooking, you mean?

No!

That is not what I mean.

What I mean is Mr.

Stern. He wouldn't want your father to be disappointed.

Aaron, pay attention.

It's all right, Uncle Bernie.

My father won't get mad. Tell Mr.

Stern.

My father's like you.

You know something, Uncle Bernie?

I doubt it.

I doubt very much that I know anything.

My father could lick Uncle Lefty.

See what I said?

Yeah, I heard you.

You said your father couldn't lick Uncle Lefty.

I'm sorry I couldn't go any faster.

snake, Bernie.

Cute as a bug. Look at the smile on its face.

I like it.

The parents will appreciate it tomorrow.

Nice, uh, ashtray.

Nice turtle, Bernie. You know, you could easily recognize it for a turtle.

Advantage to an ashtray is a boy can make a practical gift for his dad.

Oh, incidentally, Bernie, you should hear this.

We were talking about Aaron Gold.

Yes? His father owns the Daisy Dooley chain of supermarkets, 47 stores.

Live wire merchant.

He wouldn't want a boy who's half a bump on a log.

Who, Aaron?

He's almost hopeless.

He hasn't got the intermediate dolphin swimming badge to show his father in the

first place.

Hasn't got the woodcraft badge.

Doesn't have a softball stripe. In fact, he just ain't got it. And I say, thank

goodness for ceramics.

Where's that thing he was making?

Oh, it's over here.

Dragon? What dragon?

Well, the dragon is... We must assume there's a dragon.

Are you kidding me, Bernie?

The arm is still missing.

Why, this thing is as ridiculous as it was five days ago.

Are you trying to cover up for that boy?

Is there something you're deliberately trying to hide from me? No, there's

nothing.

I asked you well in advance.

Well, there was still plenty of time.

I warned you.

I begged you.

I said something has to be finished to show on visiting day.

Did I or didn't I? Yes, Mr. Stern, you told me in plenty of time.

Then finish it!

I don't understand.

I'm telling you to get a lump of clay and put a right arm on this two -legged

jackass of a one -armed knight.

The dragon we will not even discuss.

I couldn't do that, Mr. Stern. I couldn't. You couldn't do what? I

that to Aaron.

This whole thing is his. Every little bit of it.

Conception, execution, loving care. I'd only spoil it for him. Spoil it?

That's what you said?

Well, yes.

Bernie.

Bernie, I pay you $600 for the season. That's more than anybody in this whole

camp, Lefty James, except... I appreciate that, Mr. Stern.

Would you like to call it quits right now?

Third week in July, prorate the season?

I couldn't do that, Mr. Stern.

My shop's closed up. All my things are in storage.

There's no business before September or October.

I couldn't do that.

Then you put an arm and a sword on Don Quixote here.

Do it now.

Or else I'll help you pack your bag.

They're giving a diving exhibition.

We hope you'll like it.

Hey, Jeff, bring your parents right down to the lake.

You too, Mike.

Attaboy. We'll be ready to go in one minute.

Aaron, aren't you supposed to be down at the lake at the welcoming exercises?

Oh, well, I like out of there.

Nobody knows it, just...

You and me.

Do you think that was a nice thing for you to do?

Well, I wanted to wait for my father here.

I wrote him in a letter. I said, meet me at Ceramics.

Come here a second, Aaron.

What?

I didn't expect a knight to fight without two arms. Aaron!

I hate it.

You ruined it. It's not mine now. Aaron, I was only trying to help. Aaron,

listen to me. Aaron, please listen to me. Aaron!

Try not loud, Bernie. What's the matter with the gold kid?

What'd you do, put a bomb under him? The day of all days? That's right. I put a

bomb under him last night. Then I added a sword.

your passion for getting things done on schedule, Mr. Stern.

You mean the arm?

That was only a suggestion.

Yeah? Well, I got a better suggestion.

Now, my suggestion, Mr. Stern, is that you... Excuse me. My name is Herbert

Gold. I'm looking for Aaron, my son.

Seeing that story almost makes me want to let my instructor out.

However, he's not done yet.

Perhaps he will be in another minute. We shall see.

I wonder if the sponsor could be persuaded to clean out the kiln

My vase turned out beautifully, don't you think?

I'm going to use it to hold these ashes I found on the floor in there.

As my dear instructor used to say, art is long, life is brief.

So until next week at this time, good night.