Original subtitles

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Just a moment, please.

You probably think these are telephone lines.

Actually, they are attached to television cables.

In this way I can sidetrack people who attempt to dial another channel.

Usually after getting the wrong channel, they don't bother trying again.

It helps our ratings enormously.

This fellow is certainly persistent.

This is a recording.

You have reached a disconnected channel.

We suggest you watch Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

Thank you.

This is a recording.

You have reached... I've never seen this play fail. They always

give up and watch our show.

Why don't you? It begins in one minute.

It just ain't right for a man's best friend to buy two drinks in a row.

This one's on me, Hutch.

I like to buy.

Don't you take his money, Oki. You take the money, Oki. I said I'm buying, and

that's what I mean.

And I said I'm buying, and that's what I mean. Gentlemen, gentlemen, you know

the rules about fighting, especially on pay night.

You keep out of this, Oki.

You take the money, Oki.

Look, I said I'm buying, and that's exactly what I mean.

And I said I'm buying, and that's exactly what I mean.

You got a feeling this sidewinder is trying to make me out of cheapskate.

Who you calling a sidewinder? You, that's who.

Of all the ungrateful... Evening, Brother Pete.

Evening, Ben.

Brother Ben.

Brother Jamie.

You boys have another one of your little squabbles, were you? Oh, no, Jamie.

I guess you're about the last two men in town who haven't learned about the

golden rule.

Oh, that ain't true, Jamie.

Honest. Well, I'm mighty glad to hear that, Brother Hutch.

Because Ben and me would be real upset if you two was to hurt each other. Well,

I reckon we wouldn't want to see you upset, Jamie.

We was just having a little disagreement over who was going to pay for this

drink. It weren't nothing more than that, honest.

Well, now, why don't I just settle that for you? This one's on me.

Oh, you boys drink up and behave yourself real nice, you hear?

God bless you, Jamie.

We'll drink to you and Ben. You're both mighty fine fellows.

Why, thank you, Brother Hutch.

Them's mighty fine words.

And me and Brother Jamie here would like to feel that we was deserving of them.

I'll say this. They sure make a man feel warm inside whether he's deserving of

them or not.

Say, brother, would you bring old Jamie about three fingers of whiskey?

It ain't none of my business, but maybe you better not have any more, Jamie. I

reckon you know your own limit.

Well, you look too good.

Well, I appreciate you thinking about that, Ben, but right now I'm hanged if I

ain't as dry as a month -old drumstick.

You better save your money.

This one's forgotten how to pay off. Ah, now, brother, I never saw a one -armed

bandit or any other kind of bandit that could resist faith. Ain't that right,

Ben? Amen, brothers. I've seen faith work miracles.

Now, who wants to see Yemi McMahon make this machine pay off? Because I'm here

to say he can do it.

The machine's got all the money, but Yemi's got the faith.

Just open your eyes to faith, brothers.

Dispenser beverages, are you not?

Well, yeah, I reckon I am.

What do you recommend?

Huh?

I'm experiencing a severe dryness of the throat. What do you recommend?

Anything you like.

Every man to his own poison, I always say.

Do you dispense John Barleycorn?

John Barleycorn?

I thought there was just something in a song or something like that.

You mean the release? a drink by that name? I asked you.

Yeah, well, uh... I guess this is about as near as I can

come to it. Plenty of warming on the innards.

I'll have rum.

What's the matter, mister? Something wrong with it? Where I come from, we'd

never have heard a demon rum.

No?

Well, uh, where do you come from?

I'm interested in your...

compared to what it was two months ago.

You see them two fellas down there in the middle of that circle?

The two pretending to be strong men?

No, mister, they ain't pretending.

Go on. My work requires a certain knowledge of each place I visit.

What kind of work do you do?

I'm a collector.

Of what?

Souvenirs. Souvenirs?

What kind of souvenirs?

What were you saying about those two men?

The copper miners are just about the strongest, the sturdiest, the meanest

misfits ever put on this earth.

Why, they was gambling and drinking and shooting each other up five, six, seven

fistfights every night. And I'm only talking about one corner of the room

Look, I want to show you something.

You see that?

That's all that's left of the finest chandelier that was ever brought west of

the Mississippi.

It's from Paris, France.

It took me two years to get that.

It took these critters a minute and a half to shoot it up.

Yes,

life was pretty rough around here until two months ago.

Then them two came.

Ben and...

They brought something that this town never heard of.

Interesting. What was it?

Brotherly love.

Yes, sir.

They brought the magic of brotherly love to Copper Pocket.

And this has been a different town ever since.

I see.

And these enlightening signs I observe here, I take it they are the result of

this campaign of brotherly love.

Yes, sir.

I'm curious to know how these two men accomplished their mission.

Well, mister, that takes a bit of explaining.

I need another drink.

You got money to pay for these?

Oh, that's right. Nice looking pocketbook you got there, mister. I

I've ever seen one like that before.

I believe you were telling me a story of brotherly love.

Yeah. Well, first off, Ben and Jamie got themselves a job in the mine.

Then they had every professional gambler thrown out of town.

And they told the men there was something more to life than shooting and

gambling.

Vanity of vanities, they said. All is vanity.

Clever. Oh, not that Ben and Jamie were against gambling and drinking, but...

Well, they were so tolerant to all the men. Even them that laughed at them. It

wasn't long before the whole town just fell right in behind them.

Am I to understand that these two men accomplished their mission without ever

resorting to their own strength?

Oh, they got mixed up in some pretty mean fights there at first.

But it wasn't brotherly love they brought with them.

No? And what was it?

It was power.

Physical power.

Stripped of its brotherly, kindly, tolerant aspect, it reduces itself to

And men, oh men, fear power.

No, no, mister, you got it all wrong.

No, these miners don't fear nothing.

No, don't you see?

Ben and Jamie convinced them that... Things like self -respect and love and

pride in your work.

Them was the all -important thing.

I know one thing, mister.

This town has been a far better place to live in ever since them two came here.

for another drink and you ignored me. I don't like being ignored.

You've had enough to drink. You better move on. You will fix me another drink.

You move on or I'll have you thrown out of here. Now, simmer down, Brother Oki.

No need to go getting all riled up. I knew there was something wrong with that

little critter the minute I laid eyes on him.

Stranger, I think you got the wrong idea about this town.

We don't allow no fighting or weapons here.

Someone could get hurt if we was to go around shooting up the place.

Now, we're tolerant men and we understand Man, you didn't know these

Ain't that right, Brother Ben? Amen, Brother Jamie.

So if you'll just apologize to Oki for smoking up his slum, we'll just forget

the whole thing.

You, I take it, are one of the preachers.

How's that again? One of the righteous ones.

An ecclesiastical bore, pompous ass.

Suit yourself, mister.

We'll just forget the whole thing. There's no apology necessary.

How about some music, Charlie?

of a cheek, loyal to scripture, admirable.

Admirable and logical since you're a coward at heart.

No man ever called Jamie McMahon a coward.

Now, mister, I am going to have to insist that you apologize.

And what if I refuse?

What will you do then? Read to me from the good book?

Such nonsense will fall upon deaf ears. I'm not like your friends here.

Maybe all you need... is a good thrashing. And who'll administer that

Certainly not you. You're not man enough.

You talk mighty big for a little fellow, don't you? Many men have tried to beat

me, but not a soul has ever succeeded.

However, why not give it a try?

Why don't you try to administer this thrashing you've been talking about?

In fact, I challenge you.

Mister?

I never hit a man smaller than me.

And I'm not about to start.

I'm certain you've hit many men physically smaller than yourself. And as

mentally... Mentally, my friend, there is no one smaller than you.

Peace, Jamie.

Now you go over there and calm down. I'll take care of this little fella

I'll handle this my way, Ben.

Two muscle -bound oaks groping to rescue each other's pride.

Mister, I'm going to count to ten and if you ain't gone, I'm going to forget how

small you are. Jamie, Jamie.

Remember the words in the book of James, blessed is the man that endureth

temptation. But when he has tried, he shall receive the crown of life.

Two chips off the rock of ages.

Resist the devil, Jamie. Resist him and he'll flee from you.

The devil?

Why, you just look at him.

He must be some kind of devil.

Peace, brother Swede.

Jamie and me can handle this little fella. Of course.

They'll find a way to talk me out of here.

Now this one, this one seems inclined to turn the other cheek.

Let's see how he behaves after it has been turned.

Go ahead, Jamie.

Flatten the little coyote.

Yeah, go on, Jamie, and flatten him.

What kind of a demon are you anyway?

Do not try it again, I warn you, or you will suffer grave penalty.

You've got to show him, you mean boy.

You've got to take him.

I do not have time to indulge you as I did your friend.

I deserve that your friends try to touch me and fail. Do not trouble to ask

yourselves why. Do not trouble to ask yourselves who or what I am. I am here.

That is the reality.

Now to fulfill my purpose in coming here.

If you cooperate, I will show mercy. He who does not cooperate shall feel the

full force of my wrath.

If you doubt what I'm saying, I suggest you take a good look at your friend

lying there on the floor.

Now, each of you will come up to this table and deposit your funds.

In this bag.

The preachers.

The draw of that machine.

Thank you.

And now that statue. Empty it.

There's nothing there.

Just a statue.

It's solid bronze. Clear through.

Thank you.

A word of advice.

Never entrust your money to a woman.

Value the lives of your friends on the floor. You will remain where you are.

Stay put.

And in due course, they will return to normal. Do not try to follow me, or

will be the devil to pay.

Hey, they're coming too.

Jamie, Beth, are you all right?

He's seen the money right through the statue.

It ain't human.

Supernatural, that's what it is.

He must be some kind of devil. He ain't some kind of devil, Swede.

He's the devil.

29 ,000.

29 ,500.

30 ,000.

The usual split. There it is.

So, Jamie, I'm warning you. Next time, don't have so much to drink.

That big meat hand of yours came too close for comfort last night.

And it's for you, Ben.

Do me a favor, will you?

Next time, please, don't lay it on so thick with that holy stuff.

There's a town called Silverwheel in Nevada.

Go there as soon as possible and start sending reports.

I'll come when you send me the word.

That

concludes

our story, just in case you hadn't guessed.

An amusing thing happened at the next town Ben, Jamie and their little man

friend visited.

A stranger happened into town on the night of the payoff.

A man who was seeing their show for the second time.

Theirs was a show that could not stand any repeat business.

As it turned out, it was their final performance.

For the next minute, I shall attempt a television first.

I shall show you what is on another channel, after which I shall bring you

safely back.

I can see you feel you made a wise choice this evening.

Why don't you do the same next week, when I shall return with another play.

Until then, good night.