Original subtitles

Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the land of $2 windows and quarter horses.

Racing has been called the sport of kings, but here at the $2 window, I've

relatively few of them.

Well, apparently there's no business like show business.

And speaking of shows, we have one following the next race.

Those of you who wish to bet may still do so.

Naturally, I can't give you any tips, but there's one entry that has been

at just one minute flat.

Ah, there he is now.

They're up and running.

A brandy, please.

A brandy? Yes, miss.

So?

You should have that brandy after breakfast, not before.

That's not a mean to overstep myself, but would you like to join me in a pot

coffee?

Why?

I'm not trying to make a big deal out of it. I just thought if we sat down at

the table, your shoe wouldn't have so far to fall.

Send a waiter over, will you?

Oh, is that enough?

I think so, miss.

Especially since you didn't drink at all.

Thank you.

Just coffee, please.

Why don't you have some breakfast? I've still got $1 .86 left and a chip.

But I need the chip for tonight.

Coffee will be fine.

I guess it's going to be coffee.

Where'd you say you were from?

I didn't.

But the answer's Moscow.

You're an awful lot to cope with at 8 o 'clock in the morning.

Moscow, Idaho, that is.

We're having some sort of a cultural exchange with the neighboring state of

Nevada.

They forgot to mention it was a 730 -mile walk home.

You better eat this, then.

It's your energy.

Please. Thank you.

You're both very nice and very young. And you're very kind.

Oh, I didn't have any coffee yet myself.

I like the pleasant company of young people.

Do you mind?

Another cup of coffee, please. And anything my young friends might like to

Nothing, thank you.

You know, I've always liked the informality of Vegas.

And you meet such interesting people.

You new to each other?

No, no, no, no. This is my aunt. She's from Moscow, Idaho.

Now, the only reason she looks so sweet and sexy is that she doesn't have a care

in the world.

Oh, look at that.

May I?

Oh, interesting lighter you have. Excuse me?

The lighter, it's interesting.

It's so efficient.

Well, it's the best lighter money can buy. 99 cents at your corner drugstore.

You see what I mean?

Never misses.

Never misses?

Never?

Well, I'm not a firebug. I never took a whole day off to test a 99 -cent

lighter.

Bye now.

Wait, wait.

I don't want you to go.

Take a nice, nice bet on all.

Well, how efficient is this lighter of yours that you're so proud of?

Now, look, mister, I didn't say I want to wear it as a badge. All I said was

it's a good lighter and it works.

And would you bet on that?

Sure.

I'll bet you it lights three times out of three.

I'll bet you a quarter.

Pardon me, folks, but I've got a weakness for these barroom propositions.

if I listen in? No, no, no.

It's a nice big bet I had in mind for you a bit. You could remember all your

life.

Look, mister, I've got one chip and a $1 .86.

Now, $1 .86 says it'll work.

That's as high as I go.

But you don't understand.

You see, I'm a very rich man and I'm a sporting man.

My car is right outside. It's a beautiful convertible. It's this year's

What about it? Well, I'll tell you what about it. The car is part of the bet,

but it will go up to my rooms because there's no wind, no draft from opening

closing doors. You understand?

Now, the bet is really very simple.

If you can make this celebrated light over yours work for you ten times

missing, ten times in succession, mind you, then the car is yours.

Do I put up my spare set of pajamas?

No.

Look, I'm devoted to gambling, but I have never asked anybody to put up more

than he can afford to lose.

What, for instance?

Oh, I'm going to make it easy for you.

Easy for you to win a car, I mean. Is that all right?

I'm listening. I like the easy part.

Well, I'm thinking of some small thing that you could afford to give away. And

if you lose, well, you won't have to feel so bad, such as the little thing on

your left hand.

My what?

Is that so strange?

He wins, he takes the car. I win, I take his finger.

Is that so strange?

Wow.

I've been hanging around bar rooms half my life. I never heard anything like

this before.

Isn't it fair?

Don't ask me, ask him.

What do you mean, if I lose, you take the finger?

How else? I chopped it off.

Let's get out of here. No, no, no, wait.

I don't think so.

I see.

I understand.

I understand very easily. It must be like I've been reading so many times,

know, that the generation, the young generation grows soft and that the

is leaving the spine.

You ought to tell that to the Boy Scouts, but I guarantee you one thing.

If you go around the old campfire lopping off fingertips...

You're going to get thrown out right on your ear.

Is that so?

That's so.

I know it's crazy, but it's up to you.

This gentleman here, if he would be so kind, he could act as our referee.

He had the keys to the car.

What do you say?

I don't really know.

Don't listen to him.

Now, let me get this straight.

You want me to go up to your room, and if I light this ten times in a row, I

the convertible.

That's correct.

If I miss just once.

That's right, just once.

I forfeit the little finger on my left hand.

Now you understand.

Everything is perfectly correct, except...

Except that I can see you're afraid.

I wouldn't worry about that.

As I said before, let's get away from this old bloody blade. Let's get out of

here. Relax, relax.

Now, just one other thing.

I'd like to see the convertible.

Of course you'd like to see the car.

And I have drinks in the room just as soon as you say so.

Will you all please follow me?

at least if someone wasn't it.

Dracula's daughter, no doubt.

Have her come in off the drainpipe. She might catch cold.

Listen to me.

I don't know you very well, but you could be a real nice guy.

Do you have to do anything as crazy as this?

I like convertibles.

Drink your order from downstairs, sir.

Put it right here on that table.

Oh, yes, sir.

Anything else, sir?

Yes, we want to play a game.

Sort of a game.

A game?

Oh, yes, sir.

Now, let's see. I need four things for it.

I need some nails.

Some nails, yes, sir. A hammer.

A hammer. Then I need a length of good strong cord and a

chopping knife.

A what, sir?

Chopping knife that you can borrow from the kitchen.

A real chopping knife?

A butcher's chopping knife. It's part of the game.

I mean, that mightn't be too easy, sir.

They're going to ask why.

They'll probably say, well, let's say a chopping knife don't go too good with

martinis. You're not going to tell me that at half past eight in the morning

there will be a chef to ask many questions, will there?

No, sir.

Oh, uh, before we start, I'd like to present the referee with the keys to the

car.

The registration papers and the insurance papers, they're right in the

compartment there.

sure you want to go through with this?

Well, you're pardoning a bad joke, but it's no skin off me.

Yeah, I want to go through with it.

Hello, stupid.

Hey, things are looking up.

Did we get enough fluid in that thing?

Yeah, I think so.

Cotton's still wet. I think we better leave it this way and flood it with

lighter fluid.

Wick's okay.

And Flint's all right.

Save it for the World Series, do you mind?

What's he doing?

That's fine. Thank you very much.

The monster.

You think you've just blown out the candles on a birthday cake.

Over here, please.

Just for size, if you don't mind.

What? I want your left hand to measure it.

I think you better sit down.

That's it. You may take your hand away now.

It took some sleight of hand in the kitchen for that meat hack, sir.

But the other things I had no trouble with.

I think I need another drink.

Everything is fine.

Just what the doctor ordered, huh?

Doctor? Who said anything about a doctor?

Oh, no. All I meant was he's all fine.

I'll call for you when I need you. And see that we are not disturbed. It's a

private game.

Oh, yes, sir.

I think we're in business.

Sit down, please.

Now, you understand, you put your hand between the nails.

Can I have another drink, please?

How is that, good?

Oh, yeah, fine, real snug.

It's the greatest thing since the invention of the rat trap.

Here you are.

Many thanks.

Now, will you please cleanse your fist?

That's fine, just fine.

Except that the little finger should be sticking out, alone.

Mr. Referee, you can give the word to begin.

Well, you ready?

Uh -huh.

How about you?

I'm ready.

You mind keeping count?

Let me know how many times I light this thing.

Yeah, sure, I'll do that.

I'll be all right until you miss.

Seven.

Carlos!

Carlos! Give it to me, Carlos. Give it to me now.

Why, Carlos? Why? Why would you do this thing again?

I just want to make a little bet.

I'm sorry.

I am so terribly sorry this should happen again.

I went to Los Angeles yesterday, but I knew I should not leave him alone.

And I took the first plane back I could get.

Oh, Carlos.

You should be ashamed.

He is a menace, of course.

In the islands where we used to live, he took 47 fingers from different people.

And he lost 11 cars.

It was when they threatened to have him put away that we finally moved up here.

How foolish and reckless young people can be just trying to prove they

are brave.

Yeah, I guess just one of those things.

Did he bet you a car?

That's right.

Convertible. He has no car.

The car is mine and he knows it is mine.

That is what makes it so contemptible that he should bet with what he does not

own.

With all his talk of sportsmanship.

And you?

Me? I just came along for the ride.

I'm supposed to be the referee.

I'm glad you came along when you did, though.

Here are the keys to your car.

Thank you.

No, he had nothing to bet with, I assure you.

Not one thing in this world.

Because I managed to win it all.

It took a long time.

And it was very hard work.

But I won it all in the end.

how Venus de Milo got the way she is.

By the time the poor old girl won an automobile, it was impossible for her to

drive it.

Of late there's been a great deal of talk about pay television.

Actually, most of us already have it.

And here is the gentleman who makes us pay.

I'm not sure what to say.

That last commercial left me completely underwhelmed.

Perhaps I should simply bid you adieu until next week when my sponsor

and I shall return with another story.

Good night.

Bristol Myers also brings you Peter Gunn on another network. See your local

listings for time and station.