Original subtitles

Good evening.

This began when someone asked me if I wanted to go into the advertising

business.

I always imagined it had more dignity than this. Of course, the term sandwich

boards intrigued me too.

Little did I know that I would serve as the bologna.

As for bologna, more of that in a moment.

Possibilities of this type of advertising are limitless. I understand

putting advertising on the inside of reading glasses.

This is excellent for people who frequently stare off in space.

I know I shall like it because now I can sit down with a book without having the

feeling I'm wasting my time.

Tonight's story is called Relative Value.

First, some of that meat I mentioned a little earlier.

A hundred pounds? It's out of the question.

And I'm astonished that you're having the nerve to ask for it. On top of this,

John, don't you realize that your signing my name to a check is forgery?

You needn't blame me for that.

I wouldn't have done it if I'd had any alternative.

Alternative? My dear boy, there are plenty of alternatives.

Settle down to a steady job. Give up this racecourse and nightclub existence

you really want an alternative.

Come in.

Oh, good evening, Mr.

John. Evening, Betts.

I brought your warm milk, sir.

Oh, Mr. John, there's some cold lamb and a bit of that stilton you like, sir.

Well, I've been thoughtful of you, Betts, but I'm just leaving, I'm afraid.

Oh, then I expect we shan't be seeing you for a bit.

Mrs. Betts and I are going on our holiday soon.

My gate as usual?

Yes, sir.

Well, that sounds jolly.

When do you leave?

Uncertainly. Well, who's going to look after my cousin while you're gone?

Oh, Mrs. Simpson of the village is going to come in by the day, sir.

I see.

Well, have a good time.

Thank you, sir. I'm sure we will.

Is there anything else, sir?

No, thank you, Betts. You can turn in now.

Good night, sir.

Good night, Mr. John.

Good night, Betts.

Well, I've just got time to get the last train.

Might as well get back to London.

Might as well have stayed in London for all your generosity.

Why won't you realize it isn't a matter of generosity or otherwise?

I simply haven't got the money. Oh, don't tell me that, Felix. I saw Uncle

John's will. Yes, you saw the will.

But you didn't see the list of debts that went with it.

Well, perhaps you'll realize when it all comes to you how little is left.

That won't be long now, I expect.

That doesn't work any longer either, you know.

Trying to play on my sympathy by telling me how ill you are.

You're as well as I am and you'll probably outlive me.

You seem determined not to believe a word I say.

Well, I suppose it's useless trying to convince you.

Yes, it is.

I see.

Very well.

Listen to me, John.

If there is another check like this, another forgery, I shall have to

Do you understand?

Yes, I understand.

I'm sorry, but you give me no choice.

Good night, Felix.

Hello, Benny.

Oh, Mr.

Manbridge, what a nice surprise.

Well, I was just on my way to the city, Benny, and I thought I'd drop in. Oh,

splendid. Would you like a capper?

Um, no, thank you.

Benny, what are the odds on Lady Jane at the 4 .15 at Sandown?

Oh, they're very good on her, sir. I can give you 4 to 1.

I'm afraid that's not quite good enough.

Oh, perhaps it's something else you fancy.

How about, uh...

How about Mr. Moon in the fourth? I can give you a very good price on him. Well,

I'm not surprised.

He ran wide last time, I see.

Well, if you change your mind, you can always ring me up.

Yes. Benny, that check of my cousin's I gave you yesterday, you put it through,

I suppose? That's right. That's what you said if I didn't hear from you.

Well, you'll know by Thursday if it bounces, won't you?

I'll know tomorrow, sir.

Nothing wrong with it, is there? Of course not. The other one was all right,

wasn't it? Yes.

I'd have taken this one if it hadn't been.

You can be sure of that.

I must say, you bookmakers are a very suspicious breed.

We've been mates, sir.

Goodbye, Benny.

Goodbye, sir.

Hello, Tom.

Good evening, sir.

Oh, thanks, Bert. Thanks a lot.

I'll have a small whiskey, please, Tom. Right -o, sir.

Last orders, gentlemen, please. Here you are, sir. Thank you.

Oh, by the way, Tom, you didn't happen to find a small brown paper parcel about

the size of a shoebox, did you?

No, sir, not that I can recall.

It was just a little present for my cousin. You know Felix Manbridge, I

Oh, yes, sir.

I'm sure you didn't leave it here, sir.

But I'll ask the missus tomorrow to be certain. But I know if she'd found it,

she'd let me know.

Of course you would.

Here, drink up, please, gentlemen.

Time, please, time.

Good Lord, is that clock right?

Yes, sir. Felix will be wondering what's become of me. It'll take me, what,

three quarters of an hour to walk to his house?

Oh, yes, all of that, sir.

Well, I'd better be on my way.

All right, come on, gentlemen, hurry up now. Good night. Good night, sir.

Come on now, drink up. Now, glasses here.

That's it.

So that we can say to those of you who have written to ask us, life insurance

the application of insurance to loss or injury caused by death.

A contract under which one party called the insurer, in consideration of certain

stipulated payments termed premiums, agrees to pay to another a money benefit

upon the happening of a contingency dependent on the duration of a human

The person whose life is the subject of the contingency is termed the insured,

and the party receiving the benefit...

the beneficiary, while the benefit itself is called the insurance money.

In practice, the contingency involved is either the death or the continued

survival of the insured.

The life or mortality table from which the premiums must be determined is at

foundation of the business.

Such a table, in its simplest form, consists of the number surviving at each

age, from which the number of death and probability of mortality are readily

determined.

The three requisites of such tables, for insurance purposes, are that they

should be safe, properly graduated, and fairly comparable to the mortality to be

expected. The premiums for life insurance are computed from the risk of

as shown by the mortality table.

And since the former are usually fixed sums, while the risk increases with age,

it is necessary to charge more than the actual cost of the insurance in order to

offset the inefficiency.

Thank you.

Felix, are you there?

Felix, are you there?

What's going on here?

Who is it?

It's the police, sir.

Oh, Mr. Manbridge.

What seems to be the trouble, Colonel?

Constable, I'm glad you're here. My cousin asked me down for the weekend. I

walked up from the station.

I don't seem to be able to make him hear me yet.

I can't understand it. I know he's expecting me.

You wait here, sir. I'll take a look around.

You'd better come in, sir.

Is anything wrong?

Yes, I'm afraid there is.

What is it, man? For heaven's sake, tell me.

Well, is he?

Yes, sir. He's dead.

How did it happen?

I don't know, sir.

It's a queer business.

Look at this room.

But, I mean, what happened to him?

Well, that remains to be seen, sir.

He seems to have been dealt a blow.

Maybe he smashed himself in the fender over here.

But it's cruel because, you see, I found this note over here.

I, Felix Edward Manbridge, being of sound mind, follow

me to declare that I am dying by my own act.

I've taken poison and...

Well,

sir, this was my first day here. I didn't know Mr. Manbridge too well, you

understand, but as far as I could tell, everything was normal -like.

Mm -hmm.

And you saw nothing peculiar about his behavior?

No, nothing out of the way, sir.

And you left about 8 .30, you say?

That's right, sir.

Uh -huh.

Well, you can run along now, Mrs. Simpson. I'm sorry we had to bring you

late, and thank you for being so helpful.

Oh, not at all, sir. I'm glad to be of any help.

Mm -hmm.

Longdon. Yes, sir.

You'll see Mrs. Simpson safely home, won't you?

Yes, sir. Oh, no, that ain't necessary.

Thank you very much, I'm sure.

I'll just nip out the back way. It's only a step to my house.

Good night, sir. Good night, Mrs. Simpson.

What about Mr. Manbridge, sir? Mr. John Manbridge?

Where is he now?

Outside in the entry hall.

We'll let him stay where he is for the moment.

Come in.

Well, how about it?

Well, it was just as he said, sir.

Both the ticket collector at the station and Mr. Crockett at the Four Feathers

both remember Thielen quite clearly.

He was asking about a parcel.

And he left the Four Feathers with just time to reach the bridge where Longanere

saw him lighten his pipe. And it was him, all right.

Oh, here's the match ends that I found, sir.

And they're those little wax kind. They're not very common hereabouts.

Oh, yes.

And he had a box of them in his pocket.

That seems to give him an alibi, doesn't it?

But it still looks very odd to me.

What does, sir?

Well, look about you.

We're supposed to believe that a burglar or some other mysterious intruder was

here, that Felix Manbridge surprised him, and in the ensuing struggle, This

mysterious visitor killed him with a poker.

Let's try something, hmm?

We don't at the moment have the poker, of course, but these will do.

Our sergeant will make you the intruder. Because you're the taunter, that'll

give you every chance.

Thank you, sir.

Longham. Yes, sir. Turn around. Remove your helmet.

A man bridge was killed by a blow delivered from above and behind.

Very well. Go ahead and struggle and see if you can possibly deliver that kind

of a blow.

Oh, come on, boys. Come on. You can do better than that.

Longdon! Longdon!

Yes, sir.

Well, don't make it too difficult for him.

Longdon!

I just don't think it can be done, sir.

I agree with you, Sergeant. I agree with you entirely. Now, Lawton, sit down in

that chair, will you? Yes, sir.

Mm -hmm.

Now, Sergeant, would you come over here?

Over there.

That way. That's right. There.

Now, how about that?

Yes, sir. That would do it.

You mean he was sitting there like that when he was struck?

He was already dead.

I'm convinced of it.

Yes, but who would do such a thing?

Only someone who thought he was asleep had already made careful plans to kill

him, including a careful alibi.

Mr. John Manbridge.

But how could it have been him, sir, when he didn't even get here until I

when I was the one that let him in?

Well, I don't know, but he did somehow because he had this letter in his

It's from his cousin.

It's addressed to him.

It was sealed, but not stamped.

So he couldn't have got it in the mail.

But it is dated today, which means that he must have been here at least six or

seven minutes before you saw him light his pipe.

What's in the letter, sir?

For one thing, he says his doctors told him he has no more than three months to

live. He has no wish to prolong his existence in this world and is hastening

to the next.

He's leaving his life insurance and...

All his worldly possessions to his sole surviving relative, his cousin, John.

And he mentions the forged check which he has told his bank to honor.

That'll be the coroner's men, I expect.

Sir, you don't think Mr. Manbridge might have got in quite innocently somehow

before I saw him and found his cousin dead and found the letter and not

mentioned it?

Because it might look bad for him.

I don't think there's a chance of it.

He meant to kill his cousin, all right, whether we can ever prove it or not.

Well, sir, I don't rightly know what to be done about it officially, but I

certainly feel a lot easier in my own mind.

I can tell you when I finish with the telephone.

and turned to find Mr. John Manbury's dead in the armchair.

Fancy might give him a glass of the same whiskey his cousin had put the poison

in. I was only trying to revive him.

Might call it an act of God, mightn't you, sir?

Yes, London.

You might call it just that.

That is the fate of anyone so callous as to kill a man who's already dead.

I wouldn't care if Felix had been living, but to strike a defenseless

is simply not my idea of fair play.

Speaking of fair play, I'm afraid it's my beloved sponsor's turn, but he

assures me that I shall have the last word.

On that note of triumph, we conclude this evening's activities.

Next week, we shall have another story and, of course, more

advertisements.

I almost forgot to tell you, I finally leased the advertising space on my

backboard to my insurance agent.

Good night.