Original subtitles

Good evening, friends and suspects.

From time to time, we receive letters asking us to help viewers commit

the perfect crime.

Naturally, we don't want to be put in the position of encouraging hardened

criminals.

Amateurs, perhaps.

I think the first thing to remember is not to leave fingerprints around.

Where homicide is concerned, one should be as tidy as possible. I

think I have just the thing. One, two, three, four, five, six.

I happen to have over 400 ,000 of these.

The gentleman who made them was a production genius.

He just couldn't count.

Next, we have a training film, and I want you latent criminals to pay closest

attention.

Well, it is kind of a pretty piece of glass.

I guess I bought it at the right five and dime.

Don't joke about anything so beautiful, Brad.

I've never seen such a lovely stone.

I'm glad that you like it.

Brad, I know I shouldn't seem so burstingly eager, but about the date for

wedding. Mom and Dad are waiting in San Francisco, and I promised them... I

know. Will there be so much for them to do?

Friends and relatives to notify and...

Well, 101 things I won't even enumerate now. And being here in Los Angeles, I

can't help them very much.

You said you wanted that kind of a wedding, Brad.

I want whatever you want.

Darling, do you think we might say within a month or two months?

Well, what do you say to three weeks?

Three weeks?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, Brad.

You just give me two or three days to settle this real estate thing with Harry

Gavin, and then you can tell your parents for sure.

You know, I love you.

But I can't see you tonight. I promised Harry I'd drop by the office no later

than 8 .30, and I gotta get out of here.

Do you mind?

Not as long as it's Harry Gavinder and not that lady novelist. Now, you mustn't

be unkind about Leslie.

That is over with, isn't it?

Yeah, it's over and out of season like a five -cent phone call.

Or you might say last year's Valentine's card.

Come here.

What's the matter?

There's nothing the matter.

Oh, it's a stupid answer if I ever heard one. Come on now, you've either been

out with another woman or you need a new brand of pills, which is a... That's

very funny.

How come you're working so late?

Television script. Has to be delivered tomorrow.

Why television?

What about the book?

Money, darling.

Rapid money so I can continue to afford you.

Oh, Brad, would you fix the plug on this miserable lamp?

You're so clever and I'm so helpless.

You do that and I'll fix us a drink, huh? Oh, I, uh, I don't want a drink.

You're such a bore when you're not drinking.

You get that sir Lancelot look in your eye and all I feel like doing is kicking

you in the face for your precious mobility.

You're very sweet.

Yes, I guess I am, aren't I?

No one should know better than you, darling.

Oh, you are so clever at fixing things.

Well, tell me about the real estate business now.

Did you and your companions just redesign the whole Pacific Coast today?

What if I told you it was, well, a whole lot better than you think?

What if I said there was a real future in this and that for the first time in

life I feel that I've sort of found myself?

Found you? You sound like a great big lost collar button.

But go ahead, enjoy your dream.

It's no dream.

All right, all right.

That's exactly what you said when I finessed your sporting goods story. Do

remember that?

Let's not quarrel, Brad.

I'm not really fond of you for practical reasons, anyway.

Hey, I thought we'd go down to the beach tomorrow night, huh?

For what?

For fun, of course. I didn't think we'd go down in good class. Look, I think

we'd better have a pretty clear understanding about ourselves.

I've put off talking about it too long as it is. Now, things just can't go on

the way they've been between you and me.

Pacific Lens is a... It's a large -scale operation with important people, and it

needs just a touch of respectability about it.

Oh, well, of course it does, yes.

I thought you'd snare at that.

The fact is simple enough. I want to get married.

Oh, Brad, you astonish me.

Respectability actually means that much to you?

Well, all right, then.

I'll marry you.

That's not exactly what I had in mind.

I intend to marry somebody else.

What? You're joking.

That's silly, Brad.

You belong to me.

You're like a sink or a stove or a clock on the wall. You're bought and paid

for. I'm what? You heard what I said.

What do you think I am? I know what you are.

You're kind of a strutting, empty -headed peacock that happens to hold a

attraction for me.

Don't ask me why. I don't know. I've asked myself a dozen times why I have to

wear you on my back.

The only albatross in California with 22 suits of clothes, all bought and paid

for by me.

Oh, yes, and you're very good at fixing light plugs. You're so nice to have

around.

Easy, Zorro.

Nice to be so manly, but let's not corn it up, huh?

All right, Brad.

Tell me about her.

What's her name?

What difference does it make?

Oh, it might make a great deal of difference.

What does she look like?

She's very attractive.

And more important, she's very nice.

Nice. Oh, that's a great adjective for you to use.

Is that all you can say about her? She's...

Nice. What would you like me to say?

I want statistics.

Is she tall?

Does she have a nice figure?

Yes, she's tall and she has a nice figure. Now lay off.

You still haven't told me her name, Brad.

But is there to hide?

With her, there's nothing to hide.

Her name is Janice Wright.

I believe you met her at the Ferguson place one night in Pasadena.

She arrived that night before you passed out.

Right. A tall girl, rather insipid, from one of those preferred sort of eastern

schools.

Oh, yes. I remember.

Really, Brad, you think she can afford you?

What's that supposed to mean?

What I said.

Can she buy you clothes and things?

Would she be willing to drive around in a little car to keep you supplied with a

big one?

In my own case, those things never particularly mattered much.

But a girl like that, mm -mm, she'll get tired very quickly.

I mean, if things were pinched, there wasn't any ready cash, would she be

willing to give you a big diamond solitaire to hawk?

By the way, Brad, where's the ticket for that ring?

I mean... Maybe if I dressed up more often like the prize mayor on the merry

-round, I'd be more appealing to you, huh?

Where's that ticket, Brad? I've got it at home.

I was going to give it back, but I was just going to walk out. Walk out? Is

what you said, walk out? Listen, I am going to do you a lasting favor to make

sure that you never marry that precious Vassar -wrapped bonbon.

You think you can stop me? Oh, yes, yes, I know I can, my friend.

Let's see now, W.

One of the advantages of my profession, it taught me to spell.

Right, Janice, on sweepster drive.

I wasn't going to call her right now, dear. Not now or any other time, I'm

warning you.

Yes, Brad?

I don't want to see her, I'm going to get out of here.

You really wouldn't call her? Listen, you've got to get it through that

brain of yours that I will do anything that serves my purpose.

My purpose being to keep you intact for myself alone, just the way it's been all

these years.

Haven't you any self -respect as a woman? Haven't you any pride?

Pride? No, I don't have the kind of pride that you're talking about. I'm not

afraid of scenes.

And if you don't believe it, you just try me. Just try me. There'll be phone

calls, letters, shrieking matches that'll raise the hair on her head like

wig. I'll follow you everywhere, and if by the end of a week she hasn't thrown

you over, you'll both have a nervous collapse.

Now, do you understand?

Do you?

Yeah.

Yeah, I understand.

All right.

Things like this are bound to pass.

You've just had a nervous rash of respectability, that's all.

I have everything that you want and need.

Means to support us and pressure cooker kind of yen for you.

Now, this will last, Brad.

The other won't. Believe me.

That's better.

Now go on, get out of here. I've only got about two pages left on this.

Go on.

Oh, Brad, would you do me one more favor?

Would you put my car in the garage?

I parked on the street and I'll get a ticket.

Oh, I, uh...

I'll leave the key in the car. I don't want to trip up here with it, all right?

All right.

Just so long as you call me when you get home.

Lovely phone call.

Hello. Hi.

Naturally, you're a liar.

Love my foot.

But it's nice to hear you say it anyway.

I couldn't move your car. There's something wrong with the ignition.

No, it's not the battery.

Well, what I thought I'd do is tomorrow I'll take it over to Stanton's and leave

it there for a complete checkup.

Well, if you have to go out to the valley, why don't you take a cab and

pick you up in front of the studio.

Six o 'clock.

Good. Then we're going down to the beach from there, huh?

That's a good idea.

A drive to the beach might be the best thing for both of us.

Am I late?

Only half an hour.

Where'd you get this car?

Oh, I decided to have some work done on my car, too, and this is the one they

loaned me.

Just a little dividend for waiting.

Oh, it's going to be a beautiful night.

Brad? Yeah, you're right there.

Bring some towels when you come. I have the robe.

All right.

Let's see.

Cigarettes.

Lighter.

Here's your junior -sized cavalry saber that you left behind last night. I meant

to give it to you before. What made you think of that?

I don't know. I thought you might want to spear a fish or something.

Not tonight.

Here you are.

You have always been the timid type.

Oh, Brad, this is so much better.

The two of us together, alone, just the way it's always been.

Kiss me.

door open, Mr. Taylor.

After your superintendent let us in.

You are Bradley Taylor.

That's right.

We're detectives, Mr. Taylor. My name is Breslin.

This is Sergeant Langley.

So, what could that possibly have to do with me?

We don't know for sure, but we'd certainly like to find out.

You know your lady friend's been murdered?

Murdered? That's right, murdered.

And real good, too. The full treatment.

I think I'd better sit down.

Oh, come on. Now, that isn't necessary, is it?

Well, a lot of things become necessary when a murder's been committed, Mr.

Taylor.

I'm sorry if you feel that we're the pushy type.

Where were you this afternoon?

I was out checking some real estate properties and some listings.

I was out east of Altadena and then in the valley west of Northridge.

You can check my secretary if you don't believe me.

We did.

She told us you probably would be traveling around.

Did you go to the beach today?

Was that one of your trips?

I've had those things in my car for more than a week.

I haven't set foot on the beach today.

All right.

I can tell you this, Mr. Taylor. You'd probably be a lot better off if you had

set foot on the beach today.

Search him, will you, George?

Look, I'm no fool that you can... Charlie,

will you look at that pig sticker?

Mister, how stupid can you get?

All right, that's my knife. I have it with me all the time. What about it?

It was washed not long ago in some kind of cleaning fluid.

And a pretty floppy job of cleaning it was, too.

Look, there's still three strands of hair stuck to it.

And the lab's gonna show us some more things besides.

You know something, Mr. Taylor?

You're putting on the best act I've seen in the last 15 years in Hollywood.

Your lady friend was stabbed seven times with a knife exactly like that.

Leslie was stabbed?

Leslie?

I don't believe I mentioned the name Leslie.

I'm talking about the girl you had dinner with last night, Janice Wright.

was stabbed and murdered today.

She was killed with that knife.

Now, why don't you come down off of that dreamboat of yours and give us all the

details? You must be mistaken.

Janice.

That isn't... That is impossible.

I'll give you the raw statistics once again, Mr. Taylor.

Janice Wright, age 26, and I'm quoting now from her driver's license.

5 '8", brunette, brown eyes.

Come on off it, Mr. Taylor. You know these facts and figures a lot better

we do.

But don't you understand? I couldn't have killed her.

All right, I lied to you today. I wasn't the...

We

didn't invent the girl's name, Mr. Taylor.

Who else did you have in mind?

training film has brought up another problem for you criminals, arch and

otherwise.

Vampyr, are you bothered by unsightly bloodstains? Are

telltale stains hurting your social life and making the police suspicious?

Why not try Vampyr?

Well,

While I continue my efforts, why don't you listen to this news report on a

more reliable product, after which I'll naturally and

inevitably return to you.

Actually, Vampyr does not claim to remove blood stains.

It merely changes them into gravy stains.

They're more socially acceptable.

Next week, we should be back with another story and some shoplifting

If you desire any of the items we have demonstrated tonight, simply rip off the

top of your cell block and send it in.

Good night.