Original subtitles

Good evening, fellow tourists.

I think this proves that in some areas the airplane can never replace the

The gentleman who tied me here was most thoughtful.

In order to keep the railroad ties from chafing my hips, he put me on an

anthill. And in the event I wanted to do some reading, he left me a railroad

timetable. I have found it most useful.

You see, my assailant was a railroad executive who took exception to some of

remarks about the promptness of trains.

I have the last laugh, however, for I see by a footnote that the train he

expected would trisect me runs only on the Friday preceding decoration day and

the Tuesday following labor day except on leap year.

There isn't another train scheduled to pass for 30 minutes.

That should give us just enough time to watch a half -hour television show.

Keeping to the theme of tonight's programme, I must warn you that before

a look at the pleasant scenery, we must first pass through one of those

dismal tunnels.

You've got to stop shooting Indians. I told the boy a thousand times.

Excuse me, sir. Johnny, please. And listen to your father just once on this

bill.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

Pardon me.

Johnny, Johnny, you mustn't go around shooting people in the corner, son.

It's a knife. Oh, son.

Son, you're making your mother very nervous. Now, you just stop your horsing

around until we get the tug car. You're going right to bed.

Now, go ahead, son.

Johnny, now, you stay on the train, son.

Now, come on. Come on. Come on, it's the next train. I'm sure it's that next car

right over there.

I'm sure it's the next one, dear.

Two, thank you.

Kind of the snow.

That's right.

Set him up for everybody.

There's a big spender.

That's our partner.

We interrupt our program with a late bulletin from our news bureau.

The patient who escaped two days ago from the state mental hospital has been

reported in the area of San Lucerno. San Lucerno? Due to the extreme weather

conditions, however, the police expect to apprehend the patient shortly.

We now continue the physical portions of our program. Can we stop at San Lucerno

tonight? That's a fact. Good evening. Good evening. Well, what'll it be,

Scotch on the rock.

Scotch on the rocks for Mr. Templeton and bourbon for me with a little water

the side.

How about a nice warm glass of milk, Johnny?

How about a peanut?

Son, please, don't shoot peanut from the club car. I told you, that nice warm

glass of milk for the boy.

Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

We'll get you a nice glass of milk right away, cowboy.

You want some chocolate in it? Just plain.

Yes, ma 'am.

You want a peanut, too? No, no, no.

Chocolate's nice, son.

Let me have chocolate and my milk at school.

You're no longer in that particular school in case you'd forgotten what

happened. Darling, please, don't start on that again. Well, I was only going

to... Shh, son, son, now come on. I am quite familiar with the details. Thank

you. All right, all right, Mother, but it's not the end of the world. I mean,

he's not the first boy ever to be expelled from school. Don't start

him, Larry. Please don't start defending him. When I think of the money we laid

out to get him into the best school, I could just die.

Well, darling, we did get part of the tuition back, didn't we? Just lie down

die.

And believe me, there are much pleasanter ways to go. We could have

poison. We could have a suicide pact.

Don't interrupt.

Now, take it easy, darling. He's just a boy, and he's at an age where boys like

to twerk a little bit. Will he ever get over the age?

Is it too much to ask? Son, come on.

Here we go.

Darling,

I might point this out, that you were the one who wouldn't hear of sending him

to a public school.

Oh, it's my fault. Oh, of course. I suggested we give him the most expensive

private school in the country. It's my fault he's kicked out and we have to

travel clear across the country for three days.

Oh, son, no. Oh, please, no. Look, son, do you think after you finish this you

could go right back to bed?

Do you? It was on the radio that there was a guy who was going to... Don't

interrupt.

Charlie, he didn't interrupt. I was asking the boy a question. He's been

into every conversation we've had for the past two days. And when you're not

butting in, the two of you are yapping about cowboys and Indians. Don't you

get tired? Charlie, it is only natural for a boy to get excited going through

this wild west.

At the risk of repeating myself, I repeat.

Johnny, come back with your mother. Johnny, come back here, son. Look, son,

I told you not to take your mother's furs.

Now, that's not being a straight shooter, now.

Come on, son, have your glass of cow juice and then back to the bunkhouse and

rest your weary bones with the rest of the cowboys, hmm?

That a good boy. There's your hat.

Here's the purse, dear.

Got them all right. Thank you. There you are. Sit down.

Oh, boy, what a night. What a night.

Are you warm enough?

Yes. We could always get him to turn the heat up, you know. No, I'm warm enough.

You sure now? I'm too warm. I'm hot.

You get him to turn down the heat. Oh, sure.

Waiter, could you... Johnny.

Don't talk. Don't put the milk in the ashtray.

Fellow travelers, how are you there?

I'm taking the liberty of addressing you.

Sir?

Madame? You, young fellow?

About this time of the evening, I like a drink, and I like it very much.

But there's one thing I don't like.

I don't like drinking alone.

So...

I only beg your pardon and ask the favor of your allowing me to join your little

family circle to save me from the horrible fate of drinking in solitary

confinement.

My name is Kilmer.

I just got home down here, Santa. How do you do, Mr. Kilmer? It's a pleasure,

I'm sure.

My name is Templeton, and this is Mrs. Templeton.

Ma 'am.

Happy to make your acquaintance.

I know something about you, Mrs. Templeton.

Really?

What's that?

You're the best looking woman on this train by a mile and a half.

Won't you join us, Mr. Kilmer?

Why, thank you. Very kind of you.

You know...

It's an old man's privilege to compliment a lady in the presence of her

How you doing there, cowboy?

Fine, thank you, sir.

That's great stuff you're drinking there. Put the flesh on your bones.

You take it from an old cowpoke.

I've drank that cow juice for weeks and weeks at a time.

Nothing else but.

So come on, bottoms up.

Salute.

This is the worst weather you've ever heard about in your life, Mrs. Steeds.

Isn't it perfectly awful?

It's not fit for a man nor a beast.

Sir. Hmm?

You're a cow puncher? Yeah.

John.

It is perfectly dreadful weather.

Somebody at this table in the doghouse?

Don't worry, young fella. We all gotta grow up the hard way.

When I said, ain't this the worst weather you've ever seen, I've seen

In 1916, we had eight foot of snow on the Altaverde Mesa.

300 head along the orange stairs froze different wood.

It didn't thaw till spring.

Yes, ma 'am, that's a fact.

Oh, the stories I could tell you.

Waiter?

I'll have what the ladies got.

How many judge a whiskey and the colored body of it is scotch and it's over the

rocks? That's what I want.

Does it just kiss me the...

Cold shears to look outside.

Sir. Yeah. Do you mean longhorn cattle?

Huh? The kind with the great big longhorns? That's the one.

Larry, please. You mustn't interrupt while the gentleman's speaking, son.

please, remember that.

That's all right, sir. I don't mind. Yeah, son.

Some of them were ten foot across.

But that was a long time ago, back in my time.

This train's slowing down some.

We do seem to be slackening our pace considerably.

Yes, we're going around a bend.

We've got to be careful in this weather.

Oh, yes.

We've got to be real careful. We're carrying precious cargo on this trip,

don't want no trouble.

To your very good health, Mrs. Templeton.

Mr. Kilmer.

To yours, sir.

Thank you, man.

Yes, I know it, sir.

That's what I like to hear.

You don't see many happy families around anymore?

Not at all.

Well, good luck to you too, cowboy.

I got a belt at home.

My father gave it to me for Christmas.

It's got a silver buckle with a long, long steer on it. John, I don't want to

have to tell you again.

Now be a good boy and don't interrupt your elders.

I don't mind, ma 'am.

Hey, we're not going around the bend, but we sure are slowing down.

Let's find out something, cowboy. Waiter! Yes, sir?

We got a flat tire or something?

I don't know, sir. I know we ain't due to stop for another six hours yet.

Well, so what?

We're smack dab in the middle of New Mexico in a raging blizzard. The kind I

ain't seen in 20 years.

I'm kicking.

I'm snug and I'm warm.

And in the company of delightful female companionship.

And I'm complaining.

I guess we just don't learn to count our blessings, do we, Mr. Templeton?

No, sir, I guess not.

You know something?

For 20 years of my life, I was a cowboy.

Oh, I'd spend six or eight months out of the year, out on the range, in all

kinds of weather.

And I swore then that the only thing I wanted out of life was a nice, warm

to go to when it got cold. That's all I wanted.

Just a nice, warm place. That was the sumptu total of my ambition.

Have you ever been caught out in the cold, Mr. Templeton?

Well, uh, no.

No, not really.

Well, I want to tell you folks something.

Cold is the worst thing there is.

And I sure pity anybody out there on a night like this.

You know, it's a funny thing, riding on this train tonight in this storm.

It takes me back to... Hey, we've stopped.

Mr. Conductor. Yes, sir? We've been here about an hour. When are we going to get

started? Nothing to worry about, sir. Our generator went out.

It'll be about 10 or 15 minutes.

Mr. Conductor, you're sure you're not lying to us?

I'm a Sunday school teacher, ma 'am.

Put the head on it.

We interrupt our program to bring you a special bulletin.

The police have redoubled efforts to locate the mental patient, now believed

be lost in the storm.

Hospital authorities wish to emphasize the fact the man is not dangerous.

He needs help.

Please communicate with the state police.

You know, this is funny.

Sir?

I don't mean funny. I mean, it's strange.

Maybe I don't even mean it's strange, but I seem to be reliving something that

happened 50 years ago.

Would you folks like to hear a story?

About cowboys?

Yeah. Larry.

Now, look, son.

I was saving this as a surprise, but, well, there it is. A real silver dollar.

It's just like the cowboys use it. Isn't that right, Mr. Kilmer? You betcha.

When they could get their hands on them, they really used them.

Excuse me. Mm -hmm.

Now, there you are, son. That's yours if you can manage to do just one thing.

Now, if you can manage not to interrupt while Mr. Kilmer is telling his story.

Do you think you can manage that, sir? Now, I mean not one single solitary

interruption.

That's a real silver dollar?

Yes, sir. That's a real silver dollar.

Oh, I don't mind the boy talking.

That isn't the point, Mr. Kilmer.

This is a rather involved family affair. It concerns a young man who talks more

than is good for him.

who needs discipline and who should not be given a reward for doing the things

he should do.

Oh, now, look, Mother, let the boy win a reward. It might do him some good.

What do you say, John? You think you can manage to keep quiet?

Are you going to keep quiet, John?

Yes, Mother.

No, no, no, no, no, no touch now, John, John. Now, look, we'll let you sit here

and listen to Mr. Kilmer's story, and then we'll decide whether you've earned

or not.

Won't take more than ten minutes at the most.

There. Now, here, look at your...

Roundup Randy, official timekeeper there. Now, it says just ten minutes of

that straight shoot of time. Now, if you can be quiet until Roundup Randy points

to nine o 'clock, you can have the dollar.

Just ten minutes, okay?

Okay. All right.

Your mother knows best, boy. Always remember that. Your mother knows best.

Now, about this story.

It was in 1905.

To show you how broke I was, I took a job as a sheep herder. I had 500 sheep,

two dogs, and a horse for six whole months.

Now, son, you want to show that to the boys back home, don't you? We'd like to

have you that time, didn't we, son?

Well, aside from the fact that a cockroach is the lowest form of life, I

my job as a sheep herder, I was underneath him.

But I was young and strong in those days, and I didn't mind.

I tended those sheep for three months.

Everything was going fine.

No coyotes, no trouble with the dogs, and... Well, it was too good to be true,

and then all of a sudden... Up she come.

Trouble?

Trouble is right, sir.

A storm.

The worst storm ever.

She come up fast in the middle of the night, and by the time I had woke up,

maybe there's five or six inches of snow on the ground.

I started looking for my sheep, and I couldn't see my hands in front of my

Dogs barking all over the place.

I went to where I'd tied my horse, and I had to feel my way along the ground.

Found the place.

No horse.

The reins were still tied there, but the horse was gone.

Then I tried to make myself heard by shouting at the dogs.

The wind kept getting louder and louder, and all of a sudden, I was alone.

I was lost.

Mr. Kilmer!

Johnny.

Don't break your promise, son.

Please, go on, Mr. Kilmer.

I'll make it a short story. It ain't got much point to it anyway.

Well, I don't know how long I stumbled around out there like I was drunk.

I had to keep moving. If I'd have stood still, I'd have froze to death for sure.

I only kept it up, I guess, most of the night.

My feet got so cold, I couldn't feel them anymore.

I just kept... Pushing them up under me.

Pushing them under me.

Didn't have any idea where I was going. I didn't know whether I was dead or

alive.

And all of a sudden, I knew I was dead.

Sir?

Well, all of a sudden, I looked up and what I see, a light.

A great big light.

You know, like a band of angels coming after me.

Sure, I was dead and in heaven.

But there's only one thing I couldn't figure out.

How did it get so cold up there?

But that light kept coming at me.

Like maybe a billion candle power. And then I heard a sound. I knew what that

light was.

What was it?

A train.

It was a train.

A genuine locomotive come right at me. You see, I was standing right in the

middle of the railroad track.

Well, I got out of the way fast and I hollered, you know, like a cowboy.

Them days trains ain't like they are now.

Man stood outside and hollered, you could hear him.

Nowadays, old Gabriel himself could stand outside that window and blow his

off, and we wouldn't hear him. You know why?

This is two -ply glass.

Makes the finest kind of insulation.

Well, what happened?

Oh, well,

they heard me.

The fireman heard me and stopped the whole doggone train.

Mr. Kilmer!

Yeah, what is it, boy?

Larry. Take him to bed. As far as I'm concerned, he forfeited the dollar.

Take it away from him and put him to bed. Then perhaps we can have a little

peace and quiet around here.

Now, look, son.

You keep your eyes on that watch. I'll give you one more chance, old boy. Now,

you try not to say another word, and we'll try to make another deal for the

dollar. Okay?

I'm very sorry, Mr. Kilmer. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

Well, it was a cattle train. It wasn't going very fast, and that light had

picked me up anyway.

Now, hold me on board, and that's the end of the story.

Now, look, I told you it wasn't a very good story.

It's just except, you know, riding this train tonight in this storm, it kind of

took me, reminded me of something.

I enjoyed that story very much, sir. I enjoyed it very much indeed.

Yes, sir. You know, stopping this train tonight out in that storm, it, uh, I've

just felt like that I've been here before sometime, Mr. Templeton.

Oh, what's the name of that song? Um, Where or When?

It's built on the same theme.

It's as if you're living something that happened a long time ago. I know that

feeling.

That's exactly right, Mrs. Templeton.

The name is Mary.

Mary. Yes, ma 'am, that's it exactly.

You know, I felt like I was out in that blizzard tonight, being trapped out in

that blizzard and nearly freezing to death, reliving something over again,

feeling like I'd never see a living soul on this earth again.

the power's on.

And it was strange to work that time.

Waiter, you put a head on this, please. Yes, sir.

Imagine being caught out in a blizzard and what comes along to save you a

a genuine, biggest life train.

One chance in a million.

Guess not everybody was as lucky as I was that night.

I've been a God -fearing man ever since then, sir.

Hey, Mr.

Conductor. All set now. I told you, folks, it wouldn't take long.

Got to make a little speed now, huh? I guess so. I guess we do.

Good.

Come on, son. Finish up that glass of milk.

Come on. Now, it's really back to the bunkhouse this time.

But there's a man outside there. There's a what? He was back there, a man.

Come on, son. Now, none of this. There is.

Come on.

Don't interrupt.

You're just going to upset Mother.

Now, come on, son. Let's go.

Well, Mr. Kilmer, do you...

You think John has earned his dollar? I know he's made one or two breaks, but on

the whole, what do you think?

I think this old cowboy's earned that pokey, and I vote to give it to him.

What about you, Mother?

Oh, give him the dollar and put him to bed for heaven's sake. All right.

There you are, son.

Now, say goodnight to Mr. Kilmer.

Goodnight, Mr. Kilmer.

Goodnight, cowboy.

Sleep tight and wake up in the morning real bright.

And just one more piece of advice from your old cowboy friend.

You take that cartwheel and put it in a safe place where there ain't no low

-down rustling horse thief can get his hands on. Huh?

Okay, put her away.

Ha!

That's the ticket.

Say goodnight to Timothy, son.

Goodnight, Timothy.

Goodnight, cowboy, and sleep tight.

Ain't you ashamed of yourself?

Now, why should I be?

He'll give the kid another one.

What's the dollar mean to a little kid like that anyway?

What does it mean?

I suppose you expect me to be discouraged, but I'm not.

faith that the railroad will not allow a man to lie here indefinitely.

As a matter of fact, some passing workers have assured me that the train

by in a few seconds.

There it is now.

If you want to turn away, you may.

If you've enjoyed our story or any of this trivia perhaps you'll be interested

in tuning in next week when we shall have more of the same. Until then, good

night.