Original subtitles

Good evening.

I understand it is fashionable to introduce television plays from a

And so I thought I would preface tonight's play, The Cream of the Jest,

way.

The Cream of the Jest is a play about the theatrical business.

And it has, as its central character, a fading actor named

Charles Hanover Gresham.

Our play will... Our play begins in just one moment.

Thank you.

Hello, Jerry.

How fresh and new you look.

How are you, Mr. Gresham?

How are you today? Splendid, Jerry, splendid.

I'll be even more so when I partake of that amber fluid.

The usual on the rocks, please.

Gee, Mr. Gresham, I'd like to, but I'm afraid I can't. You're not going to tell

me the wellets aren't dry.

Well, in a matter of speaking, it has for you.

You see, your tab has run awfully high, and, well, Mr. Osada, he'd like to carry

you, but it's been going on such a long time.

Yes, of course, I understand.

But, um, do you think I could impose on his generosity just once more?

You see, Jerry, I wasn't speaking the truth just now. I actually feel rather

shaky today. I didn't get that part. And you know how it is with actors.

And I'm sure to get something.

And when I do, I'll give a big party right here to make up for all I owe.

That'd be fine, Mr. Gresham. I'd like to see that.

Yeah, so would I.

So would I.

Jerry, could you let me have just one?

I'd be very grateful.

I'm sorry.

Well, how about a glass of water?

I've a little time on my hands and I might, just might run into somebody I

Sure thing, Mr. Gresham.

One glass of water.

On the rocks.

Say, what do you know?

Wayne Campbell has a new play.

Mr. Basky, the sets have to be ready on the 25th.

Mr. Campbell can hardly open in New Haven without them.

Yes, that's right.

All right, bye.

Mr. Gresham, how nice to see you. Nice to see you.

It seems I was talking to you on the phone just a minute ago. You must have

flown over here. Mainly my anxiety to see you. Besides, I was just around the

corner.

Is Wayne... Will he see me?

Oh, please sit down, Mr. Gresham. He's been on the phone ever since you called.

But as soon as he's free, I'm sure he'll be delighted to see you. Well, I'm

counting on that. But after what happened on the brass penny... Oh, I'm

Campbell forgot all about that a long time ago.

Besides, you were ill. You couldn't possibly have made that performance.

Nice of you to put it that way.

Isn't everybody who understands that even for the act of the show cannot

go on? Well, you look just wonderful now.

Can I get you something? Some coffee? Or a drink?

No, thank you.

But just sit down. You won't have long to wait.

He's off the phone now.

Late.

He's third. I change it. He'll have to wait till tomorrow morning. I'm 15

minutes late for that cocktail party already.

Huh?

Oh, you.

Good afternoon, Wayne.

You're looking very sleek.

Yeah, you're looking fairly sober for a change. What's on your mind?

I'd like to speak to you for a moment in private.

I haven't the time now.

Good night, Lee. I'll see you first thing in the morning.

Wayne, let the cocktail party wait. I must talk to you. Mr. Campbell, I'm sure

it'll only take a moment.

All right. Five minutes. No more.

It's very kind of you.

Come on.

Well, get to the point. I want to part in your new play, Wayne.

You must be kidding. It's going to be a great success. I'm sure of it. And I

need the job badly.

That's what you said the last time, and the time before that.

That's why I hired you, because you needed the job so badly.

I always gave a performance.

Oh, you were all right when you remembered your lines, didn't forget to

in time for curtain, but... Charles, I wouldn't touch you again with a ten

pole. You're a drunk, let's face it. That isn't true.

Not when I'm working, anyway. It's just that I don't feel well sometimes. I get

nervous, and then I forget things.

But I won't let you down this time, I promise.

I'm sorry, Charlie. No dice.

I've got to go. My wife's waiting for me. Now, Wayne, listen to me.

I'll take anything, even a walk -on.

It isn't just that I need the money. I've got to get back on the stage again.

Don't you understand that?

I'm dead when I'm not doing a job of acting.

You know, sometimes when I'm in my room, I go to the mirror.

And I...

I look into it, trying to see who I am, who the me is.

I talk to myself.

And all the characters I've ever played pass in front of me.

And I'm every one of them. But that's all I am. There's no real me, only the

characters. Don't you see?

Then I go back and I sit.

And I wait.

I wait for somebody like you to call me, to bring me back to life again.

I'm only real when I'm acting.

The rest of the time, I'm nothing.

That's why I drink.

Don't you see?

You sound a little skitsy to me, boy.

I think what you need is to see a psychiatrist.

Is that all you have to suggest?

That's all.

Look, I've really got to run now, fella. I'll see you around, huh?

I wouldn't go yet.

Not quite yet.

Oh? Now what?

I suddenly feel reminiscent.

We've known each other a long time, Wayne.

Even though you're a lot younger than I am. We even came from the same part of

Philadelphia together.

The tough part, wasn't it, Wayne?

Yeah. Of course, we changed our names long ago.

Made up much more suitable stories about our background. We had to. We were

ambitious.

Now you, you're from a well -to -do family from somewhere out west.

Isn't that the story?

And I, I'm the fourth son of an impoverished English earl.

Not that anyone ever believed that one.

Of course, you've done so much better than I have.

I like your plays, Wayne.

They're hard -punching, bitter, and honest.

Most of the time.

You become a rich man because of them.

You've even married into one of the first 50 families of America.

You've really hit the top, Wayne.

Look, I can read all that in Ouzou. Now, come on, get out of here. I know how

hard it would be for you to lose all that.

Much harder than for me, because I never had it.

Why would I lose?

Well, you don't have to.

But you see, I'm getting on in years. Not that I'll admit to a day over 50.

I need a little security, and the parts are getting fewer and fewer.

And so, well, if you're not going to hire me for this new play of yours, I'm

afraid you're going to have to take care of me in some other fashion.

You're not only a drunk, you're also a cheap panhandler.

Try to con me out of a few bucks, huh?

Not a few bucks, Wayne.

An annuity.

Or just a small one, of course, just to keep body and soul together.

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to be forced to tell some of our more

columnists about that little incident in Philadelphia.

Do you remember when $5 ,000 was missing from the bank and traced to a certain

young teller?

Look, I had a chance to make a quick profit. I was going to put the money

Just the same. They called it embezzlement. And you spent three years

I don't think you'd like that to get out.

Blackmail.

Exactly.

Well, you cheap, no good...

Hello.

Hello. Hello, Christian.

Yes,

I know I'm late. I'm leaving right away.

Bye.

You mustn't keep your wife waiting any longer, Wayne.

She's such a lovely girl.

That's 20 bucks for you.

Good.

I wish it was Shakespeare.

I wish you were just writing Macbeth.

Beautiful thing, Macbeth.

Listen.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to

day to the last syllable of recorded time.

And all our yesterdays are lighted fools that waited just three days.

Out, out, brief candle.

Life's but a walking shadow.

The poor player that struts and fritzes out upon the stage.

And then it's heard no more.

It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Hmm?

Uh -oh.

Uh -oh, I'm sorry, Jerry.

They got carried away.

Beautiful stuff, though.

Nobody writes like that anymore.

You know, Jay, that's what's the matter with these modern playwrights.

Most of the time, they're full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

It's sad, Jay.

It's very sad.

I tell you, Jay, they're all...

phone is all of them pretending to be something they're not.

You know?

There's a certain playwright in this town.

Oh, never mind.

I don't know.

Fill her up, Jay.

Fill her up.

Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, Mr.

Wayne Campbell.

Let me buy you a drink. You're entitled to one. No, no thanks, Jess.

Don't you think you've had just about enough for tonight?

Yeah, why don't you save this money for your cafe at home?

Well, that's what I'm temporarily out of.

A home?

You know, Jerry, that landlady of mine has no soul.

No soul at all.

Don't you worry, though.

Things are looking up for me. They're really looking up. Right, Wayne? I'm the

best -paying customer in North Star, isn't it?

And it's going to go on and on and on.

Shine out, fair sun, till I have bought a bath.

Take it easy, old boy.

You can sleep here in my office tonight, huh?

Think we can make you comfortable enough?

Nice throw, eh? Always thought so. Now I know so.

No.

I'm not very nice, Charles.

I apologize.

It's all right.

I think nothing of it.

I mean it.

The way I treated you when you came in to ask me for a job was unforgivable.

I practically drove you into that blackmailing business.

I don't know what got into me, Charlie.

Just wanted a...

Hit back at you, I guess.

Jim, do you really mean that?

Yes, I do.

It's been a long time since I've had to remember back to the way I began.

I had it all neatly tucked away in the back of my mind where it wouldn't bother

me.

I made a fine new world where I could be proud instead of ashamed.

Sometimes I think it was nine -tenths willpower and not one -tenth talent.

But I got where I wanted to be.

That's where I am now.

Now, Charlie, there's not so much difference between you and me, after

You see, I created a character for myself.

All these years, I've been playing a part.

Only in the process, I left out a couple of pretty important ingredients.

Love and mercy.

Mercy.

You're a fine actor, Charles.

I'd consider it an honor if you'd appear in my play.

Hmm?

Thank you, Wayne.

Thank you.

Morning, Charles.

Slept okay, I hope?

Yeah.

You'll feel better after you drink this.

I don't exactly know what I'm doing here, but thanks.

That's just a little service I give all my actors.

And you really meant it?

Of course I did.

I'd like it to work, Charles. I really would.

It's funny. You don't look the part.

You just don't look it, and it's funny.

What's funny?

That such a thing as makeup?

A good actor can do anything.

Yeah, but you don't understand why it's funny, Charlie.

You see, there are two parts that haven't been cast yet. One is a little

than a walk -on, three or four speeches.

The other... Yeah?

The other part's a blackmailer.

Don't you think that's funny, Charlie?

Don't be cruel, Wayne.

You know, if you played that part, it would be the cream of the jest, wouldn't

it? It would be the first time a blackmailer ever earned his money.

It's a good part, too.

It'll pay a lot more than I've been handing out to you these past few weeks,

but... But what?

But you just don't look the part, Charlie. You're too apologetic.

You're too ashamed of it.

And the blackmailer in my play is a tough, hard -boiled mug. He has to be.

Well, give me a chance, Wade.

Let me read the part.

Now, what's the use? Why don't you just settle for the smaller part, Charles?

I'm sorry, but you're just not a heavy.

Now, please, let me read it.

Oh,

all right.

Blackmailer's name is Richter. He runs pretty much through the whole play, but

there's one scene I like particularly.

Right here near the end of the first act.

I think it's his best scene.

Except, of course, for the end when he gets killed on stage.

That's pretty much an actor's dream, isn't it?

Well, let me read it to myself first, just to get the sense of it.

Listen,

pal.

You can't shut me off.

I knew too much.

Maybe I can't prove it myself, but the police can once I tell them where to

look.

Walter Donovan.

Does that name mean anything to you?

Another date?

September 1?

Another spot?

A hundred yards off the road to Bridgeport?

Halfway between Stamford and there?

Do you think you... That's enough.

Charlie, that's great.

It's just great.

I don't know how to thank you.

Only one way.

Lay off the booze? I swear it, Wayne. Now that I'm working, I won't go near

stuff. That's fine.

But you're not exactly a working actor yet.

Oh, I want you for the part. I think you'd be fine, only I'm just the author.

You know the set -up. There's still the director and the producer to convince.

I can play the part. I know I can. Whom should I see first?

Well, Pete Wiley is just about set to direct, but we're still fighting over

terms. Might look like a concession if I sent you to see him, but...

Well, you could go see Nick Roper. He's putting up most of the money. He'll have

a say in the casting.

Nick Roper?

That big -time gambler? And ex -racketeer and a few other things. Even

unsavory. What's he doing backing a play?

He decided to take a gamble on culture, I guess. He can afford it. I wouldn't

say that backing one of your plays was much of a gamble.

Still, the theater breathes strange bedfellows. I'll go around and see him

you think it'll help me get the part. I'm sure it will, Jones.

Here.

It's 20 bucks.

Get yourself a shave, a clean shirt, huh?

Suit looks all right, but maybe you ought to have it pressed.

Then you come back here, I'll give you the scene, and you can study.

But I'm warning you, that 20 bucks isn't just another handout.

I'm going to see that it's deducted from your first week's salary, if you get

the part for this. Oh, don't you worry about that. I'll get the part. I'll have

that speech memorized in no time.

And Mr. Roper will see a real performance.

Speak the speech, I pray you.

as you have pronounced it trippingly on the tongue.

But if you mouth it as many of your players do, I would as leaf the town

spoke me lines.

You see, I can recite that Shakespeare joke.

Yes, we won't mention how.

I know too much.

Maybe... Maybe...

You knew that speech by heart two hours ago. What are you so worried about?

I'm not sure to myself that's the trouble. Just when I think I've got it,

gone again.

Well, don't you worry.

It'll come back. When you get there, wait and see. It'll just pour out.

Maybe if I had a drink.

Just one, just to strengthen.

No.

No, one would only lead to another.

Here, give me that script.

I'll type the speech out for you.

And you can take it with you, just to be on the safe side.

Uh -oh.

My master's voice.

Well, never mind.

I can do the hunt -and -peck system. I'll pick it up myself.

All right.

I'm sorry, Mr. Roper. I tried to stop him.

That's all right, Pete.

What can I do for you, Mr... Doing real well for yourself these days, Mr. Roper.

This club.

That Broadway player backing.

Takes a lot of cabbage to indulge yourself that way.

You been checking my bank balance?

These things get around.

Who are you?

Richter's the name.

Charlie Richter.

Richter? Listen, pal.

You can't shut me off.

I know too much.

Maybe I can't prove it myself, but the police can.

Once I tell them where to look.

Walter Donovan.

Does that name mean anything to you?

And the date?

September 1?

And the spot?

A hundred yards off the road to Bridgeport, halfway between Stamford and

That's enough.

So, I really sold you, Mr. Roper, didn't I?

You really believed me.

Oh, now, listen.

Listen, I'm an actor, it's true.

I'm an actor, I mean, I mean, listen.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

When it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous

fortune.

Soft, you know.

The fair Ophelia.

Nymph in thy origins.

Be all my sins remembered.

It's the car in front of the servant's entrance.

Yeah, Chief. What happened?

He knew all about the Donovan job.

I'd like to find out where he got the details.

Get him out of here.

From the office of Wayne Campbell.

Listen, pal, you can't shove me off. I know too much.

Wayne Campbell.

Well, there's no use taking that book home with us now that we've finished it.

By the way, in case you are interested, the police learned of Wayne Campbell's

connection with tonight's crime.

I can't understand why this coat doesn't even fit. I just bought it.

There seems to be a message stitched inside.

Occupancy by more than one person contrary to law.

Well, no wonder.

Next time we shall return with another story. Join us then.

Good night.