All language subtitles for 8 Simple Rules s03e10 Vanity Unfair

Almost up.

Hand out.

Finish up.

You guys are never ever in a million
years going to believe what happened to

at the mall today. You flashed a thong
to the guy at the food court and he gave

you a free sody pie.

And a total stranger came up to me out
of the blue and asked me to audition for

a commercial.

It's so good to be me.

Well, you know, honey, you have to clear
that kind of stuff with me first.

So what kind of commercial is it? Well,
it's for a sports car. I would be one of

the models.

Why would you want to demean yourself by
doing that anyway?

I don't have to tell you why I want to
demean myself.

I'm not sure I like the idea of you
being sprawled out on the hood of some

It's better than the back seat.

Dude, that's exactly what I was
thinking.

But I had the good mind not to say it.

I don't understand. For over a hundred
years, women have been fighting to be

heard and not just seen. And now we
finally have a voice. Not now, sweetie.

Don't worry about it, Kate. When I
designed cars, I went to all the

shoots. They weren't trashy. Yeah, Mom,
Grandpa's right. All I have to do is

point at a car like Dana White and say
stuff like, it has a V -something

rear suspended stuff, you know, air
baggies, whatever.

And then there is the slightest chance
she might not get the job.

Good one, Grandpa.

Well, you know, honey, they do. They
look at hundreds of girls. And though

are very special, there's no guarantee.

Good one, Mom.

Well, I was going to stay out of this,
Aunt Kate, but if you want, I'll take

under my wing.

You? Oh, yeah. I don't know if you know
this little tidbit, but I was in quite a

few commercials myself.

I knew it.

You were the leprechaun in the toilet
bowl.

Dude, the leprechaun was in the cereal.

Remember? The little sailor man was in
the toilet.

The point is, I was a top child model,
one of the best in the biz.

Oh, right. You a model?

I don't have to defend myself to you. I
was there. You weren't. Oh, I had it

all.

Champagne, caviar. Didn't you just say
you were a child model?

Apple cider, jelly beans. Oh, I had the
life.

Let me tell you something, Missy.

You think it's all glitz and glamour?
Oh, no.

You're wrong.

It's a dirty, filthy, cutthroat
business.

One minute, you're pretty, great hair.
The next minute, you suck, split ends.

One lesson to be learned, you gotta have
thick skin.

So where's your career now, big shot?

In the toilet with a little sailor man.

Heidi Klum, is that you?

I met you at the Grammys a couple years
ago.

Is that not you? How many times can you
get shot down? It's like a record. No,

it's not a record.

Listen, I'm here for moral support and
spiritual support. Giselle?

Are you with the old number?

Who's next?

Bridget Hennessy. Oh, that's me.

It's Brigitte.

Come on in, Brigitte.

You pretty thing.

Why are you all cramped behind that desk
when you should be out here with the

rest of the pretty models?

It's men like you who make me want to
consider women.

Okay, now it's a record.

Well, that was quick. What happened? I
don't know. He just said I wasn't what

they're looking for. I didn't even have
to read any cards. What?

He doesn't know who he's dealing with.
Have a seat.

This may take a while.

He said, uh, he didn't have the right
look.

I don't have the right look? Well, he
didn't get specific?

Yeah, he also said I have no butt. And?
And split ends. What does he say about

me?

Damn you.

Bridget, get down here.

No, I'm hitting it.

All the guy said was she didn't have the
right look. Yeah, now she's convinced

that one earlobe is bigger than the
other.

This is why I didn't want her to
audition in the first place. Yeah,

Bridget obsessing about her look.

You know, you people wouldn't
understand.

To us models, our appearance is a very
sensitive issue.

Now, do I or do I not have junk in the
trunk?

Okay, everyone, cover your eyes. Here
comes the freak show.

Your earlobe is fine.

Ah, it's alive!

Sorry. No, he's right. I have a bowling
ball at the end of my ear. And my belly

button hangs too. My eyes are too close
together.

That is ridiculous.

You have beautiful eyes. No, they're
abnormally close together. I'll measure

them. Where's the ruler?

Try Rory's room.

I don't have it. Why would I have it?

An inch. Look at this. They're like an
inch apart.

Bridget, I don't know why I'm trying to
make you feel better, but an inch is

probably average.

Ooh, that should make you feel better,
too, Rory.

Yeah, well, I'm not average, okay? I've
never been... average. I'm a freak. I'm

a big, low, narrow -eyed, droopy, belly
-button freak.

That's certainly not average.

Oh, I hate this.

They have now turned a beautiful,
confident girl into a hysterical,

dysfunctional mess.

They're on an eating disorder, and she
could be a model.

Dad, where are you going? I'm going down
to that modeling agency and give them a

piece of my mind.

Are you sure? You got so few pieces
left.

Look, Dad, leave it alone.

It's done.

Just... Let her get over it.

Well, no. They made my granddaughter
cry, and I'm not going to stand for it.

that makes me old -fashioned, I don't
give a horse's patoot.

No, saying horse's patoot makes you old
-fashioned.

Well, how about this, sonny boy? I don't
give a rat's ass.

It's better.

But lose the sonny boy.

Excuse me. You can't go in there. The
hell I can't.

By the way, I'm still single.

Sir, I'd like a word with you. Sir, he'd
like a word with you.

Whoa. You know, the guy who was here
before, who are you?

Jim?

Jim Egan?

Jackie, is that you?

Or are my eyes playing tricks on me?

Now, it wouldn't be the first time,
McGill. Put your glasses on.

Oh, my God!

Look at you.

Jim, oh, just as handsome as the first
day we met. And you, still a bombshell.

Bambi, you dog, you get with that.

If by get with that you mean what I
think you mean, we got plenty.

Well, come around there and give me a
hug.

Oh, baby.

Okay.

Long hug.

Awkward.

Still in the room.

And I'm creeped out.

Look at that. It's getting worse.

I have giant feet. You know, if I had
Carrie's right here, I could be a clown.

I heard that.

It's almost like she's got your giant
ears.

Mom, I heard that, too.

I'm kidding.

Look, I'm just trying to point out how
ridiculous you're being.

Bridget, you know you are one of the
prettiest girls at school.

The prettiest.

So, you don't think I'm completely
deformed?

No. And neither did you until you went
down there and let some total stranger

judge you.

You know what? You're right. I'm just
going to forget about the stupid model

people. You know, they can take their
commercial and dick it. Well, Bridget, I

got you another audition.

I'm back!

What happened?

The head of the modeling agency is
coming over to take a look at her.

Oh, Grandpa, thank you, thank you, thank
you.

And somebody said I shouldn't go down
there.

Now, how did you manage that?

Apparently, he and the model babe had a
little fling back in the day.

Really? I know, gross.

Hey, come on, it's 40 years ago.

About the same time as your last date.

Anyway, she's coming over here tonight
to see Bridget, and then we're going out

to dinner.

Tonight? Oh, my God, Grandpa, you're in
the back. I have to change. I don't know

what I'm going to do. Dad, you actually
dated the owner of a modeling agency?

Well, back then, she was just a smoking
hot model, and we did more than date.

All right, I'm out.

Well, I'm a little thrown here. Could
you tell me something more about this

woman I never met?

Well, don't worry. It was before your
mother.

Oh, good.

Yeah, she's the one that got away.

The love of my life.

What?

But you liked Mom better, right?

Dad.

Come on, now tell me that you liked Mom
better.

Yeah, sure.

You know, you're not being very nice
about Mom.

Oh, the woman who left me for Paco, the
Latin lover?

Right.

Well, if this Jackie was the love of
your life, what happened?

I don't know. We probably had an
argument or something. Hey, it was a

ago. It's water under the bridge.

So now you think you two might get back
together again?

I don't know why not.

I forgave the Koreans. I can forgive
her.

Did you forgive Mom?

Nope.

You've been there. I need you to help me
get this job.

Okay, okay. First of all, calm, poise,
composure. Oh, God. Oh!

I didn't even know you were in the room.

CJ, I need you. All right, here we go.
Here we go. Okay, great. The blonde

leading the blonde.

You need one signature move, okay?

Pretend this bed is a car you're
selling.

I shouldn't give you this one.

That's a triple hand twirl. Killed in
Europe. Try it.

How was that?

That's great if you're arguing with a
deaf guy.

I did exactly what you did.

Oh, you wish. Where's the flair, the
attitude, the passion?

The intelligence, the pride, the self
-respect.

Don't confuse her, all right?

Those things are poison to a model.

That's Jackie.

No, no.

That's Jackie.

Oh, Jackie.

Okay, look away.

Look away.

Wow, what a beautiful home.

Obviously, you've done very well for
yourself. Well, thank you.

Oh, right.

This is my daughter's house.

This is my daughter, Kate.

Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you. Nice to
meet you, Kate.

You know, I've been really looking
forward to meeting you. Dad says you're

one that got away.

Well, I'm just the girl who was on the
go and your dad wanted to settle down.

Another one of my fine decisions.

Shall we have a drink?

I'd love some white wine.

Oh, and this is my grandson, Rory. Hi.

Nice to meet you, Rory.

Now, let me guess. I am really good at
this.

You are in the sixth grade.

I'm a freshman in high school.

Oops. And this is my granddaughter,
Carrie.

Hi. I'm really good at this. No, no, no,
you don't have to. I mean, I know it's

your business and everything, but
there's more to me than just how I look.

Can I at least tell you how fabulous
your red hair is?

Really?

Have you ever considered modeling?

Oh, I don't know. I mean, I get maybe
someday down the line.

Here we go.

Oh. Thank you so much.

Lovely.

Looking at you, it's like time stood
still.

Here's to the good times, he had.

And here's to the times to come.

Oh, Jim, don't do that with the eyes.

Well, hello.

This is Bridget. Oh, it's so nice to
meet you.

Hello. Thank you for...

Coming to our home.

Nailed it.

And of course you remember CJ.

Oh, how could I forget? My receptionist
is bringing him up on charges.

Don't leave the stage.

Still has him, Grandpa.

Has he changed much since you two dated?

Hardly at all.

He's still tall and gorgeous and still
throws back those peanuts like he was at

a ball game.

You guys get acquainted, and Kate and I
will get the rest of your hors d

'oeuvres. Dad, you're going to help me
with the hors d 'oeuvres? Let's go.

Now I remember why we didn't work out.

Don't clink the eyes, don't throw back
the peanuts.

Yeah, what's that all about?

Oh, she always treated me like I was a
six -year -old. I didn't stand for it

then, and I'm sure not going to stand
for it in my own house.

Well, your house.

Yeah, and I think you better stand for
it tonight.

Bridget has a lot riding on this.

Well, I'm going to do a little more
scotch and a lot more ice.

Guys, she really likes me. I think she's
going to put me in the commercial.

Oh, that's great, honey. Oh, Grandpa,
you were right. She is fantastic.

Oh, she said her little Jimbo would be
in here filling up on snacks before

dinner.

Maybe I'll need the whole bottle.

I bet Mom's looking kind of good right
about now.

No.

For the last time, the leprechaun is in
the cereal, okay?

The little sailor guy is in the toilet.

Well, is my Bridget everything I told
you she'd be? She's delightful.

Hey, I'm starved. You ready to tie on
the old feed bag?

Oh, Jim, we're not a couple of horses.

Nice for Bridget.

Well, ready?

Not quite.

Now we're ready.

Well, you two have a really nice time.

Real nice, Dad.

Thank you, Kate.

I have a feeling I'm going to be
spending a lot more time with your

family, and especially you, Bridget. Oh,
I'd love that.

Oh, look at you.

What did you get into?

There, all better now. Okay.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry. The wind must have blown the
door shut.

Yeah, but I locked it.

Why did you do that?

Well, you're treating me just like you
used to, like a kid.

Well, if you want to walk around like
that.

Well, maybe I do.

What is going on?

Ask my nanny.

You are impossible.

You know, why don't we all just take a
deep breath and have some olives?

Have your nerve, Jim Egan. I came all
the way here to meet your granddaughter.

Well, you wasted your time. She's too
good for your commercial.

No, I'm not.

Fine. Then we won't use her.

Fine. Fine. Not fine. And good night.

Nailed it.

And that is why I married your mother.

That's it?

I'm out?

Listen, tough bit, kid.

You lasted longer than most.

You can tap on that glass till it
breaks.

I am not crawling back to Jackie.

Please, Grandpa, I want to be in the
commercial. I want to be a model.

Oh, really?

You want to wind up like that crazy nut
bucket? Is that what you want? More than

anything!

Sorry, I'm not going to do it.

Oh, yeah?

Well, next time you lose your glasses on
your head, I'm not telling you where

they are.

Bridget, I will not...

What does she call me?

Well, let's just say it involves the
entire patoot.

She'll get over it.

Dad, this isn't about your pride.

It's about your granddaughter's
happiness.

It's not that simple.

Well, sure it is.

Jim Egan never backs down.

Look, I'm not saying that Jackie wasn't
annoying, but get over it.

What happened to the guy who always put
his family first?

He got dumped 40 years ago by the love
of his life.

Jackie? Yeah.

She's not the one that got away.

She cut me loose.

Really? Yeah, she didn't think I was
refined enough.

She tried to class me up and dress me in
fine suits and eat that crappy French

food. Well, I'm just a little rough
around the edges, and I always will be.

Oh, Dad.

She broke my heart.

And then last night, she started fussing
at me to bring it all back.

Well, you never told me any of it.

Well, I'm not proud of it.

After she dumped me, did a lot of
drinking, wasn't taking care of myself.

I was a desperate man.

That's when I met your mother.

Well, it turned out to be a good thing.
I mean, we had you and your sister.

And, of course, you had Rory and the
girls.

Damn, I love those kids.

Oh, hell, I'll go call my dad.

Man, it's hard to watch.

Why? Because once you feel the heat of
the spotlight, you jones for it. You've

got to, got to have it.

You were eight years old. Doesn't
matter.

Once it gets in your blood, you never
get rid of it. Like hepatitis B.

I'll tell you what.

I'd throw it all away to do it again.

Throw what away? Your room in the
basement and your box of dirty

You don't get it, do you?

What box of dirty magazines?

I'm proud of you.

I know that took a lot to go back to
Jackie.

Well, the hard thing wasn't the apology.
It was trying to keep her from seeing I

had one brown sock and one blue sock.

Hi. You enjoying it, honey? Oh, I'm
having so much fun. This is a blast.

Grandpa, thank you so much.

Let's get ready, people.

Okay, I gotta go. So, honey, is this
something you might want to do more of?

Oh, yeah, I don't think so. It's a lot
of standing.

It was worth the sacrifice.

You're a classy guy, no matter what
color your socks are. Thank you, baby

For later.

Boy, she looks great, doesn't she? A
real natural.

Yeah, kind of like you when you started.

You know, there's plenty of food. Do you
want something to eat?

Well, no, I'm not here for the food. I
want to watch my granddaughter.

Oh, take some of them for later. Maybe
some chips to go with that sandwich in

your pocket.

She's doing it again.

Quiet, everybody.

Stand by. We're rolling.

And action.

If you're looking for the sweetest,
sexiest lines of any car on the road,

no further.

Strength, speed, style, and... And loads
of junk roads.

for the sleekest, sexiest lines of any
car on the road, look no further.

Strength, speed, style, and loads of
trunk room.

What are you doing? Nothing.

Oh, you still don't want to model? Oh,
please.

Actually, you showed a little bit of
potential.

Really? Yeah, you got a good look, good
personality. You could be a big star.

Really? Could you fit in that toilet
bowl?