Original subtitles

Hey, hey, guess what?

You got a job delivering the world's largest pizza?

It's a massage table, which means I got into beginning massage techniques.

Yeah!

See, if you went to George Romney Community College, you'd know that's

big deal.

Well, congratulations.

The world needs more geisha girls.

Massage happens to be the fastest -growing industry in America.

Yeah. People are dying to get rubbed down.

By you? Come on, C .J.

The thought of you touching strangers is why people carry mace.

Hi, guys. Hi.

Oh, great. The thing is leaking again.

Rory, call the plumber.

Hey, you know what they charge for house calls? I can fix the leak. Really? Is

that why you get up five times a night?

Dad, I just don't want you to strain yourself.

Oh, I could still turn a rich.

Well, okay.

Well, guess who got sent home today with a dress code violation.

Take your time, Mom. I know it's a tough one.

Oh, great. Your principal wants to meet with me.

It's so unfair. Do I look like a hooch to you?

A hooch? Honey, I'm not up on the latest teen slang.

Hooch is short for hoochie mama.

30s jazz lingo for hussy? Come on, Kate. Get with it.

It's just that I don't understand. You look fine.

I know. It's this new principal. He thinks he runs the school. He does run

school. Oh, please.

He's been there one week. I've been there three years.

Now, Bridget, why do I get the feeling that you are not 100 % innocent?

Because, Mom, inside, you know she's a hooch.

Maybe my underwear band showed for, like, two seconds. Look, there's this

totally dumb new rule where your underwear band can't show, yet they

bottom locker. Everyone knows, when you bend over, your shirt rides up, your

jeans go down, and your underwear just stays there. Duh, it's called physics.

So who looks really to blame here? Me, who innocently bent over to get a book,

or the school who knowingly assigned a bottom locker to a hottie?

Wait a minute.

You bent over for a book?

Okay, it was the Cosmo girl.

Good as new. Wow, Dad, you fixed that fast.

Yeah, it didn't strain myself at all.

You see, what you have to do here is you loose that coupling there.

Dad,

a magician never gives away his secrets.

Don't forget to pick up your tools.

I've got to go, but if you're feeling up to it, the garage door opener needs to

be replaced.

Yeah, I'm up to it. Good.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for something.

What, the disc you slipped?

Hey, hey, I'm fine.

Admit it, Grandpa.

You don't want to admit to Aunt Kate that you hurt yourself fixing the sink.

Hey, if I weren't fine, would I be able to do this?

You know, if we slipped a piano under your hands, that might look normal.

Listen, you're having a spasm, all right? I can take care of that.

What are you talking about?

Listen, I'm the star pupil in my massage techniques class.

Besides, these hands have been giving relief to people for years.

What people?

Lots of people. Well, okay, me.

Still, give it a chance.

Massage is for sissies. No, this is sports massage. It's different. It's

like, boxers, football players, tough guy stuff, all right? I can rebuild you,

make you better, stronger, faster.

I swear, C .J., if you lay a hand on me, I... Oh, oh.

Does that hurt? Yeah.

I'm only in one class.

Yeah, no, no, no.

It's all right. It's a good hurt.

Get back with it. Well, actually, I better go.

Are you going to leave me hanging?

Well, I got school.

Yeah, well, I got to fix the garage.

Listen, I tell you what. You got my number. Call my girl. Set up an

What girl?

She may sound like an automated voice in a cell phone, but she's real sweet.

Chat her up a bit.

I have nothing against dress codes.

It's just that up until now, we've done fine without them. Now, I assure you,

Mr. Gibbs... I'm sorry.

Did you go to Garfield High?

What? Um, yes.

Anyway... I went to Garfield.

Freaky.

Anyway, this morning, I was looking at how other girls dressed, and though my

daughter is no angel... Compared to those hoochies in the hallway, Bridget

like Laura Engel.

What year did you graduate?

It was the 1970... What does this have to do with Bridget? I'm sorry, I'm

You just, you look so familiar.

Do I?

No.

But then there weren't many gray -haired kids in my class.

Anyway, um...

My Bridget has been known to dress a little racy in the past, but what she

wearing yesterday was not racy in the slightest. What was your maiden name?

Please, aren't we talking about Bridget? Yes, okay, I'm sorry, I'll drop it.

Look, my dress code is never very popular for... You hung out in front

stoners?

No. No, look, I am missing work for this. I am a nurse, and without me, my

patients could die.

Really?

Well, no.

But they could wet their beds.

Can we just stick to the subject?

Yes, of course. I will drop it. Won't bring it up again.

Bottom line, my dress code works. Test scores go up. Discipline problems go

down.

Egan! You're Kate Egan!

Oh, for God's sake.

Am I right?

Yes!

Ed! Ed!

who I am, do you?

Not a clue.

Really?

Back to Bridget?

Yes, yes.

May I show you something?

This is a photograph taken of Bridget to document her dress code violations.

Now, I ask you, is that proper school attire?

Let me see this.

Well, she did not leave the house looking like this.

Well, I think it's pretty obvious what happened here.

Yeah. You put Bridget's head on some hooch's body?

Or she altered the outfit once she left the house.

Both valid theories.

You know, I used to go by Eddie.

People would say, Eddie!

Nothing.

CJ, are you ready for me yet?

What's taking so darn long? I'm just getting the massage table ready.

Okay, come on in.

What the hell is all this?

Whoa, I sense a lot of tension, Grandpa.

Take a whiff of this. Inhale.

Get that away from me. CJ, this was supposed to be a sports massage. You

my room into Bangkok.

It is a sports massage.

With a flare.

Now breathe.

C .J., I swear if you don't put my room back the way it was, I've got... Is that

patchouli? With a dash of lavender.

Sort of delightful. It is.

See, I know what I'm doing.

Okay, now lose the robe. Get under the sheet.

You're taller when you're naked.

Not yet. Was that a holler? No.

a little talk with your principal.

Just so I'm clear, the only dress code violation you had was a two -second

of underwear band?

Yeah. I told you they assigned me a bottom locker.

I saw the photo.

They totally put my head on some hooch's body.

No. God did that.

Almost like he's jealous.

Well, why would he be jealous of you? I don't know. Why is everyone jealous of

me?

Your earning potential?

Why don't you go see if you can help your grandfather with the garage door

opener? Go.

Harry, what's wrong?

What's wrong? I'm walking through the hall back to debate class where I left

backpack. Oh, we get it. Woo! What a depressing story.

Bridget, let her finish.

Debate class, backpack.

There's more.

This custodian is putting up these posters, and I'm thinking, please, let

be a nightmare.

What?

How not to dress for school?

Oh, my...

E .J.

Look,

I want you to relax, but seriously, if you say my name like that again, I'm

walking, all right?

I think you finally found something you're good at.

What did you say?

I said I think you found something you're not terrible at. You said I'm

something. You can't take it back.

Grandpa, are you down there?

Mom wants me to help you with the garage.

I'm not decent.

Just stay away. Close the shutter.

Is he gone?

Yes, he's gone.

Why don't you lay a little more of that vanilla papaya lotion on me?

Oh,

Maestro.

You have to admit, he is singling me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are you doing with your yearbook?

Well, you know, he seems to remember me, but I don't... Oh, my God!

It's Eddie!

Oh, Eddie!

Eddie!

Wait,

uh... You know, I really like you.

As a friend.

Mr. Gibb is a little mad.

I can't believe Mr. Gibb is making examples out of us because you wouldn't

him. Yeah, Mom, you might want to think twice next time you tell us to be good

girls.

Well, my score shouldn't give me any more problems.

Hey, Dad, you are so chipper and resilient these days.

What's your secret?

Yes, Grandpa, what's your secret?

Oh, there's no secret. You just underestimate me.

And I apologize.

And as a token of that apology, I would like to give you a lift of all the

things that need fixing around here.

Oh, well, great, yeah.

Consider them done.

Mom, come on, let's go. Yeah, come on, Mom. Bridget needs time to hooch it up

before she...

CJ,

I wouldn't need another treatment, but that...

Damn garage door almost killed me. Yeah, I feel bad for you. See you later.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Something wrong?

Of course not.

You know, I finally do something you approve of, but you're too embarrassed

say it in public.

Everything's fine. Later.

I'll see, Jack. You're embarrassed because Rory almost walked in on us.

ashamed of us.

I'm not ashamed. Ashamed, Grandpa.

There's nothing wrong with two men rubbing oil on each other's bodies.

You rubbed me. I didn't rub you.

Shame talk.

From now on, you can go rub yourself.

How about that? Oh, fine. I don't need your stupid flowery oils.

Uh, papaya's a fruit, not a flower.

Uh, well, you would know.

Well, hello.

Look, Eddie.

Oh, you remembered.

Yes. The yearbook actually jogged my memory.

And I am sorry that, like, a million years ago, I rejected you. But that is

between you and me.

And I would really appreciate it if you would take down those awful posters.

Okay.

Okay? This may not have been my best idea. In fact, I had to break up a

match over those posters.

Boys were fighting over the posters?

Actually, it was two teachers who will remain anonymous.

I'm thinking the math or history departments.

Maybe they were fighting over my poster.

Anyway, I have agreed to take the posters down.

And girls, you are going to miss the first bell. Thank you. Bye, Mom. Bye.

Well, thank you.

I know it's not easy to admit when you're wrong. Yes, well, you're walking

of that.

Excuse me? Oh, come on, Kate. If you really remembered us, you'd remember the

facts.

I really like you, Kate.

As a friend.

That is impossible.

No boy in high school ever said to me, I only like you as a friend. Kate, I just

wasn't into you. But your sister was hot. Maggie.

Maggie?

Maggie? I was the hotter sister.

What did Maggie get in honors chemistry?

Maggie never took honors chemistry.

And what did you get in honors chemistry?

An A.

Yeah. You were the hot one.

I was hot and smart.

Well, no shame in being smart. I respected that in you. In fact, that's

liked you. As a friend.

You know, I don't really care.

That was a long time ago. Yeah. It doesn't even matter. Water under the

We agree to disagree.

Fine by me.

I rejected you. Sure you did.

Yes, I found it.

Who's the geek you're with?

This is the principal.

Huh, and he says he rejected me?

Oh, look at him. He looks like Leo Sayre.

Hello?

I'm going to go down there and show him this.

Mom, you're making this all about you. Who cares if you were hot or not? The

took down the posters.

And this was about our high school humiliation, not yours.

Well, it wasn't that bad.

Oh, so you liked being worshipped by pathetic losers who steal your picture?

Hey, I don't pee all over your dreams, okay?

Okay, Mom, just like Bridget, all you care about is your image.

Actually, Carrie, maybe I have been a little self -obsessed about this whole

misunderstanding with Mr. Gibb. Yeah, who cares if he broke up with you? I

up with him!

Like Bridget, you care way too much about what other people think.

Mom, you don't have to take this from her.

Actually, I think your sister's right.

And I know this is silly, but I just wanted to rub his nose in it that back

high school, I was studious and hot.

Just like you, Carrie.

We're a geek.

What are you talking about?

I look like Leo Sayre.

Yeah.

Kate, I have done everything that you asked. Why are you here?

To set the record straight.

You care that much what I think?

No, I don't care what you think.

I care about justice.

Look, I get it.

Get what?

Well, I think it's pretty obvious you have a very hard time staying away from

me.

What? I am a principal.

You know, I think I recognize a high school crush when I see one.

I didn't even remember you. Mm, so you said.

And this picture proves it. I was cool, and you weren't. The only thing that

this picture proves is that white guys can look fantastic in afros.

Unbelievable. You are even wearing rainbow suspenders.

Look, Kate, I'm flattered.

I'm just...

Not interested.

I'm sorry.

You are the most pompous, arrogant man I have ever met.

You'll get over this.

And don't worry, because when I leave this time, you won't have to worry about

me stalking you, because I will never voluntarily set foot in this office

Good day, Mr. Gale. Oh, I think he'll be back.

Thank you.

Yeah, you're doing just fine without me.

All right, you win.

Rory, there's nothing wrong with a good massage.

Excuse me?

Yeah, well, you know, I've always been hard on C .J., but he finally did

something right.

He has found a career path.

He gave me a massage, and I felt like a million bucks after it.

Oh, so you're telling me... Yes, C .J. is good at something.

And I'm proud of him.

Ah, that's all I wanted to hear, Grampy. Get some props.

Come here.

Wow, that's something.

Why don't you guys get a room?

I forgot you already have one.