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Bridget, I just had a very interesting talk with your guidance counselor.
Hey, it was parent -teacher night for me, too. Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I know.
Honor roll again.
I'm so proud.
Thanks, Mom. It means so much to me. Carrie, not now. I'm talking to your
sister.
I hate being the middle.
Yeah, I hated being a middle child, too, but I got over it. How?
Attrition.
Now I'm the oldest. It's awesome.
Now, Bridget, I know you've been having a rough time. We have all been having a
rough time.
But junior year is the most important year for college application.
Don't worry. I'm on it.
Eyebrows.
Mom, I think we should all be grateful Bridget got into high school.
See, last year I had, like, an arch thing going on, and I think that made me
look kind of slutty. You know, in a bad way.
And so I realized it's so obvious.
I need smarter eyebrows.
So? Honor Society, Bridget.
I liked it better when you failed math and were summer school, Bridget.
Now, look, honey, as much as we like your smarter eyebrow idea, and we all
right? Oh, it's genius. Oh, right, right.
You're going to have to do a little bit more to get into a good college.
Like, beef up these transcripts with some extracurricular activities.
Honey, you're going to have to find something to do.
You're like Carrie.
But Carrie is in the drama club.
In fact, maybe Carrie could get you into the drama club. No, wait a minute.
Drama club is my turf. These people are my friends. This is where I paint
scenery. In the corner, all alone, where people call me Terry.
I hate drama clubs.
Yeah, Mom, and I'm smart enough to know I'd hate it, too.
Well, then maybe you'd like to just change bed pants with me at the
Okay, you know, I could be an actress.
You know, I do lie to you all the time, and you always buy it. What?
See, like right there. You just bought that line.
I am a good actress.
Mom, it's not that easy.
Look, I build sets, and I paint scenery, but if you want to act, if you want
even just one line, they make you do all the crappy work, like building sets and
painting scenery.
I hate drama.
Well, and now, honey, your sister is going to start under you.
You got the lead?
You got the lead?
She got the lead.
What's the play?
Annie.
It's the story of Anne Frank, you idiot.
Whatever. All I know is I get stuck in a room with a really cute boy I have to
kiss. I can so play that.
It's about Nazis.
Oh, gosh, they're hardly even in it. They come in at the end.
How could you not know about Anne? She was smart, sensitive, and an artist.
Sensitive and an artist?
Wow, that sounds like someone who paints scenery in drama clubs.
Now, look, we need to be supportive. We should be celebrating.
Your sister got the lead in... Anne Frank?
I'm just really glad it's not Annie, because, you know, curly red hair, not a
good look.
That was my turn!
Now, Terry, stop. Carrie, stop.
Just because your big sister got the lead in the whole damn play, that
diminish your painting the scenery and whatnot.
I do more than paint scenery, you know. I design the programs and the flyers.
I pull the little cords.
I hate drama.
Rory?
Where'd you get the dummy?
Well, it's an interesting story.
The who's the broad?
What just came out of your mouth?
Stevie, you can't talk to my mother like that.
Mom, I'm sorry. It wasn't my idea.
It was Mr. Coleman, the school guidance counselor.
Oh. You saw Mr.
Coleman? Yeah.
He thinks maybe this ventriloquist dummy might help me express the feelings.
I may be stuffing inside.
Oh, Rory. I named him Skeevy.
Hi there, Skeevy.
Anything you want to say to me?
Well, there once was a man from Nantucket.
Thanks, Gramps. Never could get this paint off. Ah, look at those hands.
You're a craftsman like your grandpa.
God, I feel pretty.
Come on, girl.
What's eating you?
She said I paint the scenery and my big sister's the star of the show.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
My brother, your great -uncle Walter, he fought in the Ardennes in World War II.
The greatest generation.
The hero of the big one.
Yeah, little Jimmy goes to Korea and they call it a police action.
Can you believe that? I get shot in the butt and they call it a police action.
Wow. I had an uncle in World War II?
Ow!
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
Hey.
We took Porkchop Hill, damn it.
And we thank you, Dad.
other people's, my line.
Uh, Bridget, please tell me you're reading the whole play and not just your
part. Oh, no, no, no, this is faster. It's like studying for finals. You just
read the first and last sentence of each chapter.
Hey, Bridget, I just came by to clear the air.
When you ignored me at lunch today, I figured there was a lot of tension
you got the part of Anne Frank, even though everybody said that I was going
get the part because I always get the part because I studied acting for ten
years and I did do that furniture commercial.
between my two lines.
So, Anne, break a leg.
Break a leg? Well, go get hit by a car.
All right, now, here we go. Now, I would really like some quiet, please. All
right, Andre, begin.
Well, I looked all up in his crib, and there ain't no peeps. Andre, stick to
text, please.
I was just trying to give it a little Andre flavor.
Ah, well, don't.
Hiya, Carrie.
Hey, rehearsal's still going on?
Well, classics aren't destroyed overnight.
Hey, come on, Dante. I told you you wouldn't find anybody.
Very pretty.
Believe, girl. You ought to be dying to lay one on that grill.
Anthony.
All right, Bridget, continue.
Well, I have to go.
Right now.
Ann and Peter kiss.
And it's a first kiss. It's innocent, sweet.
Like a big itty -bitty penny, y 'all.
Now, is that in the script?
Yeah, dude.
All right, people.
I want you all to go home, and I want you to think very hard about the meaning
of what we are doing here.
Hey, Mom.
Hi. Can you get me up there?
Oh, yes.
You're going to be the...
Prettiest Dan Frank ever.
Thank you. That is exactly what I was going for.
Hey, Sarge.
Were there mashed potatoes on Porkchop Hill?
Yeah, yeah, that is really cute.
You know what else is cute?
rehearsal go.
Amazing. Oh, thank you, Carrie.
Oh, yeah, it was amazing.
That play is going to be just one incredible, huge train wreck.
That bad, huh? Oh, gee, I swear I wish I could get her to quit.
I'm so scared she's going to humiliate herself.
Herself?
Well, okay. Maybe a little bit me.
But I'm really concerned about my daughter, whom I love.
Dad, she really stinks.
Come on, baby girl.
Christmas pageant, junior year, you're on stage, I'm in the audience.
That's my girl. I said, that's my girl. I even pointed to you.
They changed my place in line at the last minute.
That's why I fell.
Fell? You took out the entire brass section.
Well, you told me nobody noticed.
Oh, nobody noticed.
People were injured.
I miss Uncle Walter.
The hero of the Ardennes.
I'm sorry if I hit a sore spot, baby girl.
Hey, hey.
Who's this?
Knock, knock.
Am I interrupting?
Oh, I'm rewriting my lines. Some of them are kind of long and hard to remember.
Yeah.
Honey, I brought you a book.
A book? Mm -hmm.
Yeah, I thought I could help you with your part.
It's the Diary of Anne Frank.
I thought you could use it as historical research to find out things like... She
was real?
Like that she was real.
Oh, my gosh.
Is Bridget Jones real, too?
Oh, no.
No, and I just thought that maybe... What about the nanny diaries? Was nanny
real? No.
Well, yes, but that was like a composite sort of... Look, it's...
It's not the point.
Could you just read the diary of Anne Frank?
Read another girl's diary?
Okay.
Hi, Louise.
Hey, you really look nice today.
Uh -oh, what do you need?
Hey, maybe you just really look nice.
I'm selling tickets to Bridget's play.
A high school play? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, come on.
I had to endure your daughter's cello recital.
Endure? Did I say endure? I meant enjoy.
Mom, it's the mom's code.
We buy each other's kids crap and then secretly resent each other.
Talk it out. Okay, it is the mom's code, and you did sit through that awful
recital. Well, the good news is you don't even have to go.
Oh, I'll buy two. Okay.
Oh, my God, Aunt Frank, why didn't you say so in the first place? I'm going to
bring my mother. She's a survivor.
Survivor? Yeah, she's so amazing. I mean, she's been the worst in humanity,
it hasn't dampened her spirit.
That might change.
Oh, hi, Bridge.
I thought I heard something up here.
What are you doing?
Reading the diary of Anne Frank.
Mom, I don't think I can do this.
Well, honey, when you get to a word you don't know, just sound it out.
I mean, how could I have taken on the role of Anne Frank?
She's just so incredibly wise and brave.
I mean, I came up here to see what it was like to be her.
I just can't do her justice.
I can't.
Of course you can.
I know you never see this side of me, but it's true.
Sometimes I can be a little bit superficial.
I'm just not Anne material.
I think I should quit.
Because it's not like I'd be letting anyone down. There are tons of girls
could do a way better job than I can.
I should quit, right?
Do you want to quit?
No, I don't want to quit.
But I don't want to embarrass myself.
I don't want to embarrass you either.
Oh, that's just crazy, honey.
But do you want to quit?
I don't know what else to do.
I'm out of my depth.
Wow. You really did read the book.
Well, I don't think you should quit.
I think you can do it. I know you can do it.
It doesn't seem right that I play Anne.
We're nothing alike.
I mean, we have a nice attic and a nice house.
And you can go to sleep at night when it's dark.
In a warm bed.
I can leave whenever I want.
I don't know. My life is easy.
I just have not experienced that kind of hardship.
I can't imagine anyone playing that part has that experience.
But an actor finds things to draw on.
You know, you have had your share of sadness.
You caught the dummy?
He's wearing a tie.
Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?
Aren't you a little old?
Swear to God, one of these days I'm going to pick my teeth with you.
Is this a new law? I'm talking to a dummy.
Now you're talking to yourself.
Stevie, this man fought in the Korean War.
It was a police action.
Stop it.
that your daughter is playing Anne Frank.
Oh, God bless you and your family. Okay, Mom, let's go find a seat.
Her daughter, her daughter's playing Anne Frank.
I smell Christmas pageant all over again.
My name is Anne Frank.
She looks nothing like Anne Frank.
My name is Anne Frank.
The Nazis invaded my country before I turned 11.
Two years later, my family and I, and other Jewish families, went into hiding.
Father says they found the last of our friends.
How long until they find us?
Mother's getting sicker and weaker, and I'm afraid she's giving up.
Well,
you were great, Bridge.
It was worth missing Rockford Files for.
It was awesome, Bridget.
Thank you. And what did Skivvy think?
Uh, where is Skivvy?
I tossed him in a dumpster.
After the play, a really hot girl looked at me, pointed, laughed, and said, what
a geek. What makes you think she saw Skivvy?
You know, wait a minute. I thought Skivvy belonged to the counselor.
Oh, right.
I was lying.
I just really, really wanted a ventriloquist dummy.
Prepping any emotional problems?
Nah.
I'm relieved.
And, you know, I hope you had a really good time tonight because that's the
time you're going out for a while.
Wait.
Don't listen to him. He's got issues. Big time issues.
Work it out in your room.
Now who's the dummy?
Hey, Bridge.
I was really proud of my big sister tonight.
Thank you, Karen.
That was hard.
Why? There's no shame in looking up to your big sister.
Hey, my big brother was a hero in World War II.
Thanks, Grandpa.
Now that was hard.
Hey, Beach. I was really amazed by your performance tonight.
I was so impressed and proud of you.
Really? Yeah.
And I had to admit that for a while there I had my little concerns.
Oh, what, did you think I was going to fall off the stage and knock out the
entire brass section?
Well, one thing I do know, you can do anything you put your mind to.
Thank you, Mom.
Coming up?
Yeah, I'm just going to put these in water.
Okay. Good night, honey. Good night.
I don't know how you did it.
You really...
tapped into some emotion there.
Yeah, I guess.
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