Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[fanfare]

[the narrator] These gates look into East Berlin.

Beyond the gates is a very ugly wall.

Beyond the wall, there area lot of people who like to run.

Some run to keep from getting shot,

others just like to run.

Of these, the best is Paula Schultz.

[gunshot]

[upbeat music]

[cheering]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause]

[cheering]

[cheering]

-And therefore, comrade Schultz,

it honors me to bestow this final honor upon you,

for being chosen

East Germany's athlete of the year.

[applause]

Your government is confident

that you will bring to your state

further, greater glory in the next Olympic games.

-Thank you, thank you all very much.

I'm greatly honored, not only for myself,

but also for all the other members

of our athletic theme.

-Ah, spoken like the brave little patriot that you are.

-And also for all the women

of the Deutche Demokratische Republik.

I will doeverything in my power

to fight for furthertrue freedom

for our female citizens.

[tapping]

-Schultz!

You're not supposed to talk.

-But comrade Klaus, I just wanted

all the women to know... -Ja, ja, ja, ja.

Thank you, Paula Schultz.

Athlete of the year.

[applause]

[Paula] Comrade Klaus!

[the narrator] Over here in West Berlin is also a group that runs.

They will run anything

from a needle to a pink elephant,

as long as it runs up a profit.

And outruns a bullet.

The smoothest of these runners

is Bill Mason.

-No tricks, Billy boy!

-Oh come on, Lars,sweetheart, would I lie to you?

Would I double-crossyou guys,

after all the business we've done together?

-Uh-huh.

-When we deliversuch expensive items,

we like to get paid.

-I'll have your 75 000 after I pick it up

from Schlasser, in less than an hour!

-You're giving me the truth,Billy boy?

There is no chanceof a slip-up

with your East German contact,eh?

-Believe me boys,Schlasser's in the bag.

[the narrator] To get into East Berlin,

it's not always necessary to go over the wall,

through it, or under it.

You just might have something the fellow wants.

And if he wants it bad enough,

you get what you want.

[whistle]

[women] Eins, zwei, drei, vier, eins, zwei, drei, vier.

-What's this all about?

-Training for Olympics.

All day, all night, train, train.

Good, good!

-That blonde wouldstop traffic anywhere.

-That's Paula Schultz!

She's champion!

-She's sure built like one.

[whistle]

[dramatic music]

-I keep the door open and the motor running.

-Where can I findHerr Schlasser?

-Who are you?

William Mason.

Newspaper man.

-Newspaper man.

Now, can I see Schlasser?

[gunshots]

-You're too late.

-Well, I gotta see him.

-All right, there goes Schlasser.

That's Schlasserin the bag.

-That's Schlasser?

In the bag?

-Should be a good lessonto all black marketeers.

-Oh yeah, yeah.

Beautiful lesson.

Oh, well.

-You can tell your people

when we find Herr Schlasser's western contact,

he gets the equal treatment.

-Well that's fair.

That's very fair.

Auf wiedersehen.

West Berlin.

-That was Schnell!-Yeah, yeah, go, go.

[a woman] One, two.

One, two.

-Here, keep the change.

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

-I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

-Hey, the champion?

-Yes.

-Hi.

-Hi.

How are you?

-Fine, fine.-Are you goingto join the team?

-I don't think I'd pass the physical,

but thanks for inviting me.

I'm willing to try!

-Okay!

[whistle]

-Eins, zwei, drei, vier, eins, zwei, drei, vier.

[chatter]

-Everyone in the showers, achtung!

-Comrade Schultz?

[protests]

-Was ist?

-I must see comrade Schultz!

-You should have knocked!

Schultz!

-Ja?

-Comrade Schultz?

-Comrade Riechtmann.

-You are to appear

at the ministry of Propaganda at four.

Sharp!

-Now what did I do wrong?

-I am pleased to inform you

of the new honor that has been bestowed upon you

by minister Klaus himself.

He personally selected you to represent the perfect image

of progressive East German womanhood!

[cheering]

-Wouldn't it be likebeing elected Miss Germany?

-Yes.

Quiet, now.

And you will report to frau Klabfus,

of the photographic division.

Your pictures will appear on posters

through the entire Deutsche Demokratische Republik.

And we hope, on the front pages

of newspapers throughout the world!

-The world?

-The world!

This afternoon, at four?

Naturally, you will look your very best.

-Oh, you can be quite sureof that, comrade Riechtmann.

And thank you very much!

-As for you...

No more pillow tossing!

-No, sir, no!

[cheering]

-Just imagine, you, on the front page of newspapers

all over the world!

-I'm imagining!

I'm imagining!

And what do I wear?

-Oh, Paula, you surewon't look too good

in those old potato sacksthey give us.

-No.

-Oh, Paula, if you onlyhad something like this to wear.

[all gasping]

-Well, I think the time has come.

[all gasping]

-You have been to the black market!

[a woman] You wouldn't dare wear that.

-Oh yes I would.

Time somebody did!

[chatter]

[instrumental music]

Hello.

Comrade Klabfus was expecting me.

This way?

Thank you.

[Klabfus] The main thing is that comrade Schultz

should look like this.

So we put her on the tractor, here.

-Ja.

[knocking]

-Good afternoon, director Klabfus.

Comrade Mittelhaufer.

-Ja.

-Well?

What do you think?

[Klabfus] What we think?

-They ordered me to look my best.

Much better than that, don't you think?

And so much more freedom!

-I cannot believe my eyes.

-Well neither couldall the other girls on my team.

And now they allwant one too!

-They do?

Out of that filthy costume!

And into these overalls, and quick!

-Oh!

Now you go and tell your minister Klaus

to go an pick another symbol, Schnell!

Director flabface!

-I'll show you!

You, you!

-I wouldn't do that, director!

-You get over to that tractor.

That is an order!

-Yes?

-Yes!-Yes?

Now run away, director!

Come on, director, run!

-Oh, Mittelhaufer!

Mittelhaufer, help me!

Help!

-Come on, director, Schnell, Schnell, Schnell!

[tractor horn honking]

Run, director!

Come on, director, I'll catch you!

[groaning]

-Well.

Is this the proper wayfor an assistant minister

to report for work?

-Comrade minister.

I order that you put Schultzunder immediate arrest.

-Comrade Schultz,I am astounded!

-And so am I!

Did you see what she wantsthe symbol

of East German womanhood to wear?

This!

-And you see what she wants to wear?

Another inch and nothing!

-Another inchand everything!

-Oh, she wants to paint her face and her lips

like a capitalistic tart!

-Comrade Schultz, East Germany's ideal woman

is a worker!

No frills, no...

-But this is not an ideal woman.

This is an ideal cow!

Why, I used to dress better

when I was still in the farm feeding the pigs!

-You hate tractors so much?

I'll send youwhere we make them!

-Now, this is a very serious situation.

I shall handle this crisis personally.

Everybody, Raus, Raus, Raus!

Raus,let's go!

[door closing]

Mittelhaufer!

-Hello.

- Raus!

-Paula Schultz, have youlost your senses?

-Oh, shoot me and get it over with.

-Now Paula, sometimes...-Minister Klaus, you can say anything you want,

and nothing will change my mind.

-Even if I tell youthat I agree with you?

-You...-Shh!

[instrumental music]

Aha!

-What are you doing?

-Listening devices!

Paula, I agree with you.

But first, I've got to think of something fast

to counteract your transfer to the tractor factory.

-I'm sure you'll thinkof something that will save me.

We have so muchin common, you know.

-Oh, yes, we do!

We both have the same bold, wild, imaginative hearts!

The same lovely, extravagant, wicked dreams!

We're not like those peasants we're surrounded by.

[knocking]

-Schultz, document of deportation

to hard labor in the tractor factory.

All it needs is your signature.

-You are forgetting one thing, aren't you,

assistant minister Klabfus?

I give the orders around here.

And I put Schultz into a position

where she can do the most good.

Come, comrade.

[instrumental music]

-Oh!

-Over here, comrade.

-Oh!

This is beautiful!

Oh, look!

[bells chiming]

Oh, I feel like I'm dreaming.

Somebody ought to pinch me.

-It could happen, it could happen!

I trust you will find your new post satisfactory.

-Oh, yes!

And thank you so much!

And thank you again!

-Raus, Raus, Raus!

-Ja!

-Auf wiedersehen. -Auf wiedersehen.

Thank you!

Oh!

[giggling]

Comrade minister.

-Just call me your dream prince reporting for duty.

-How did you get in here?

-Oh, I've arranged for us to have a joining suite.

After all, we'll be working very closely together.

-We will?

-Didn't you petition...

for improved living conditions?

-Oh, well, you know,yes, but...

All this splendorand luxury

for a littlepersonal aide, I mean...

-Oh, my beautiful Schultz.

This will be our perfect paradise.

When I see you in these

it will be my dream come true.

Quickly, I can't wait!

-Comrade Klaus!-Oh, please!

-Comrade Klaus, please,what's gotten into you?

Comrade Klaus,you wouldn't want me

to wear those in the middleof the day!

-Ah, that's an order, Schultz!

Over beautifully delicious champagne.

Here, let me help you, here.

-No, comrade Klaus...

I mean, dream prince.

I'd rather it bea complete surprise.

-Yes, so would I, yes.

-Now go.

[kissing noises]

[kissing noises]

-I hear a pipper!

Music to my ears.

Was that your little skirt, my princess?

[Paula] Yes, that was my little skirt.

-That was her little skirt.

-What's coming off now?

Your little blouse?

-No, no, no!

I want to save the best for last!

-The best for the last!

The best for the last, the best for the last!

-Klaus, dear, I'm ready, dear!

-Wait!

I must prepare myself.

Or I'll be blinded by the first sight

of your total beauty.

[instrumental music]

Oh, love of my life, I...

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Your shyness is most appealing.

-Now, Klaus, you wouldn't wantto wear yourself out...

-Shy girls love to be chased

before they're caught!

-Klaus!

Get off me!

Let me go!

Now don't you dare try getting physical with me!

I don't like it!

-I'm afraid, my reckless little virgin,

you'll learn to love me.

Or...

tractors.

-I'm sorry, Klaus.

Forgive me, please, I shouldn't have done that.

I'm so sorry.

-What are you doing?

Riechtmann!

Riechtmann!

Riechtmann!

Get me out of this!

Get me out of this!

-Now you make one more step

and you're going to regret itfor the rest of your life!

[grunting]

-Will you get off me?

You dummkopf!

Now where is...

Heinz, stop that woman!

Hurry up!

[grunting]

Go cut her off the other side!

-Oh, no.

[dramatic music]

-Halt!

[gunshots]

-Here is quiet place, Gretchen.

Nobody comes here.

-Are you sure?

-Yeah, yeah, I'm sure!

Stop, stop, please!

Stop, stop, please stop!

[protests]

[whistle]

[car horn honking]

[whistle]

-That's a hell of an entrance.

Where did you drop from?

-Which way can Iget out, please,

this way or this way?

-The stage area is quicker.

-Okay. -But relax, honey,relax, you are safe here.

No questions asked.

Do you want to hide?

Or do you want a job?

-Doing what?

-Nothing.

We dress you up pretty, put you on that little seat,

swing you out over the audience.

You smile and throw souvenirs.

200 marks plus protection...

against the wall, ja?

-Ja.

-Ja, Ja, Ja.

-Excuse me sir, but what happened to the last girl?

-She was a threat to the audience.

She kept getting seasick!

-All over the audience?

-Ja, Ja!

[laughing]

[tapping]

-Unless comrade Schultz is brought back,

I will summon a firing squad,

and you will be guest of honor!

-Thank you, honorable minister!

I mean...

-I don't carewhat you mean!

Picking our leadingOlympic hopeful

for your hanky-panky?

Do you realizethe propaganda value

of this for the other side?

-But sir!

I did everything to gain her cooperation!

-Yeah, I know all aboutyour cooperation!

-Murdered ceilings and French champagne!

-French champagne, eh?

She must be broughtback here immediately,

before her escape becomes public!

-Sir!

Comrade Weber is ready to act.

Weber!

[speaking German]

-Well?

-Colonel, sir.

Schultz isas good as caught.

I have brought back,single-handedly,

four defectors!

-Yeah, yeah, age nine, 12, 14 and 15!

-Oh, but minister.

Comrade Weber has the tenacity of a bulldog!

-And the face to match.

-Ja, Ja, Ja, Ja.

-Get her.

Go, go move it!

-Sir, should I usethis time

the old cover name,Sigmund Heinz, or...

-Raus!

Raus, Raus!-Maybe Johan...

[instrumental music]

-Telephone, Grossmeyer.

-Yes?

Hello?

Bill Mason?

Bill!

How are you?

Oh.

How much will it cost me?

-Chicken feed.

A paltry 75 000.

So I can pay off those cut-throats, Rocco and Owl!

-Why must it be tonight?

I'm trying to relaxafter a difficult day.

-So am I.

I've got to see you tonight for sure.

I'll be right over.

Hans Grossmeyer, I love you.

[dramatic music]

And I love you too!

Am I glad to see you guys!

Will you have a drink?

Oh, you have a drink already.

I was just about to call you.

-To tell us why you gave us the slip

at checkpoint Charlie, huh?

-And why Schlasser didn't come through with the money?

-Oh, there's nothing to worry about,

your heard the what's-his-name.

[Owl] Grossmeyer?

-Grossmeyer, yeah, he'll come through.

-He better.

[slapping]

[glass shattering]

-Tomorrow, noon.

[cabaret music]

[cheering]

-You can triple your investment overnight.

Because I've already gotten the merchandise

through the wall, but with your connections

in East Berlin, distribution will be a breeze!

-All right, what have you got?

-Listen to this.

500 cases of scotch...

which we smuggle past checkpoint Charlie

in six ambulances,

concealed in boxes marked "blood plasma."

-Smart.

-44 cases of nylons.

-Nylons, good,always good.

-What a terrible way to spend an anniversary.

I'd rather you made a deposit

on that fur coat you promised me

instead of spending our money in this joint.

-Honey, they have good food and a great show here.

-Probably a bunchof nudies.

-Oh, honey.

-Oh, no!

There's the sweetheartof platoon B.

-Bill Mason, where?

-Don't look,maybe he'll go away.

-But honey, Bill was my best buddy in the army.

Where...

I can at least say hello!

-The last time you said hello,it cost us $1500.

-Herbie boy!

Barbie doll?

You look beautiful!

See you after the show!

Friends.

Now...

-Wonder whohe's swindling now.

Probably trying to sellthe rest of Berlin

to the communists.

-Shh!

-Don't shh me!

Do you think you've beena CIA agent long enough

to figure out howto get our money back?

-Will you shush?

I'm not supposed to let anybody know

what my new job is.

-Big deal.

[a man] Ladies and gentlemen.

The Joy Joy Clubtakes great pride

in introducingour new rainbow girl!

[cabaret music]

[cheering]

-Is it...

-Ja, Ja, Ja, Ja, Ja!

I see her!

Do not get excited.

Max, you do the snatching.

Oscar, you get the car.

And I tell comrade Klaus

the bird is in the hand!

Let's go!

-No hairspray?

-15 000 bucks worth in bottles marked "chloroform."

Isn't that beautiful?

-Ja, Ja!

-Then we'll wrap it up.

-Oh yeah, wrap it up,I'll take it with me.

-Good, good, it's a deal.

-Oh, that?

Oh, we'll talk about thatafter the show.

[cheering]

-Ja, Ja,here come the ribbons!

And don't forget my grand prize!

The lucky fellow who wins the thrill

of having the rainbow girl sit at his table...

if he gets her panties!

-Herbert Sweeney,you touch one ribbon

and it'll beour last anniversary.

-No, please!

What are you doing?

[screaming]

-Wait a minute,Grossmeyer!

-Ja, Ja, Ja, Ja, Ja!

[cheering]

You want a deal?

You get me her panties, and you got a deal!

-All right.

[cheering]

[a man] Hey, you!

Hey you, take a ribbon!

-The champion!

-Oh please, get meout of here, please!-What are you doing?

[screaming]

-Let me down!

Let me down!

-Hey, you wait!

-Well, that deal's dead.

Hang on, champ!

I'm going to swing you to the stage,

and I'll meet you in the alley!

-What are you trying to do to me?

-Go away, you creep!

-Paula, here!

[dramatic music]

-Let me go!

[screaming]

-All right, let her go!

Oh, you're askingfor it now!

-Come on, now!

Well, thank youfor coming to my rescue.

-Think nothing of it.

-Did he hurt you?

-No, I always take a punch in the nose,

right after dinner.

-You see, I had to get away,

that wasan East German policeman.

Who are you?

-Bill Mason.

How you'd get over the wall?

-I jumped.

-You what?

-Well, you know,I jumped, high.

-That figures.

Here, put this on.

I can see why they'd be anxious

to get you back.

You're worth a fortune to them in propaganda value.

-Well, they aren't goingto get me back.

Thank you.

-How nice.

-It's not bad.

Here, put this on.

The bath's in there,

anything else you need will be on the dresser.

-Thank you.

-It's okay, champ, good night.

[phone ringing]

No, you cut-throats, I didn't get the money.

Ring.

[phone ringing]

Champ, I'll be right back.

[instrumental music]

-Imbeciles!

You!

The little birdie in the hand, huh?

And how did the little birdie out of the hand get?

-She had very strong wings!

-With one of the bells,she hit me!

-I wasn't there!

-You just can't depend on anyone, anymore!

If I... [the colonel] Enough of these excuses!

I give you exactly 24 hours to bring Schultz back here!

Or I put you against the wall, and...

[popping noises]

[gagging]

-Dummkopf!

Sometimes I think you do these things to me on purpose.

-Comrade Klaus...

How can you say that?

[buzzer]

-Yes?

Put him on.

Yes, this is comrade Klaus speaking.

Who are you?

-A friend.

How'd you like to get Paula Schultz back?

-Some stupid idiot wants to know

if we want Schultz

[Weber, screaming] Schultz?

-Yes?

And...

Who is this?

-I told you, a friend.

I can make immediate delivery.

-Wunderbar, wunderbar.

We come get her right away!

-Ja, Ja, Ja!

[Bill - phone] Yeah, sure, sure.

Of course, I've had a few incidental expenses.

You don't mind reimbursing me?

-It's a pleasure, how much is it?

[Bill - phone] $75 000

-I think we got a bad connection.

-Think it over, I'll call you back

tomorrow morning at ten o'clock sharp.

[soft music]

Morning, champ.

Don't worry.

I slept in on the couch.

[knocking]

Get under covers.

Stay there.

Morning, morning.

-Good morning, mister Mason.

-Just leave it right there,it'll be fine.

I'll put your tip on here,huh?

-Thank you, sir.

-Yeah.

Okay Schultz, it's just the waiter

with your breakfast.

-Thank you.

Hm, that smells good.

I'm starved!

Where are you going?

-I'm just going to check to see

if any of your friends are following you.

And buy you some clothes, too.

-I better give youmy measurements.

-They're indelibly tattooed on my brain.

Now, I don't have to warn you.

Don't answer the phone or the door.

As soon as I come back,

we'll get you down and get you registered.

[instrumental music]

[knocking]

[vacuum cleaner whirring]

[speaking German]

-What are you doing in mister Mason's room?

Never mind, I know!

Herr Schmiermann!

Herr Schmiermann!

-I have managed hotels

where I do not mind this kind of carrying on!

But this isa respectable hotel!

-But it's not what you think.

-Of course not.

You are selling magazines!

-Please, I'm hiding out.

I just escaped from East Berlin.

-A likely story!

[laughing]

-But it's true!

Mister Mason will take care of everything.

-I thought mister Mason had

already taken careof everything.

-Shh!

-Look, I'm just waitingfor mister Mason to get back

to get meto the registry center, please.

-I give you 30 minutes to get dressed and out!

Out!

-But i have no clothes!

-So I guess you will just have to register

in the nude.

Now hurry up!

And get out!

[instrumental music]

[buzzer]

-Yes?

Put him on!

-Is it him?

-Yes!

Trace him, trace him!

-Ja, ja.

I am ready, minister.

I will trace him in a few seconds!

[buzzing and beeping]

-Good morning, comrade.

Did you think over that little proposition

I offered you?

-Of course, my friend!

But you didn't haveto hang up last night.

Why should we tryany underhanded tricks?

-I was only kidding!

I know you fellas wouldn't stoopdown to anything so low.

[coughing]

-Excuse me, my throat...

Did you trace him?

-Ja.

-Where is he?

-All over town!

-All over town.

All over town?

[coughing]

No, I'm all right now.

-All right, so now if we can get

the expense item cleared away we can wrap up the whole deal.

-Of course, of course!

That's a trifling matter!

Oh, what proof have wethat you really have her?

-You'll have it in less than an hour.

[Klaus - phone] It's a pleasure to do business with you!

By the way.

How can you bewhere you are

and all over townat the same time?

[Bill - phone] Mirrors.

-Oh.

[knocking]

-Excuse me.

-Ja?

-Perhaps mister Mason hasalready taken care of all this,

but I wanted...-Herr Mason?

We've had no herr Mason here.

-Oh.

Are you sure?

-Quite sure.

-Well, you see, I just camefrom East Germany,

and I'd like to stay?

[the clerk] Yes, yes.

Name, please?

-Schultz.-Schultz.

-Paula Schultz.

-Paula Schultz!

Welcome to the west, fraulein!

Will you please fill out this form?

[Paula] Thank you.

[the clerk] And I will have it put through immediately.

[Paula] Thank you very much.

Here?

[the clerk] All the places, please.

-Fraulein Schultz?

Welcome to West Berlin.

We've been expecting you.

-Expecting me?

-Rumors, you know.

Permit me.

Franz Weber, from the...

Oh!

West Berlin Tabloids.

My paper would like very much

to hear your full story.

Would you join me at the hoffbrau

for a cup of coffee?

-Well, thank you very much, but I must be getting back.

To meet someone, you know.

Otherwise, he'll be terribly worried.

-He?

[Paula] Oh, mister Mason, Bill Mason.

He was very helpful to me.

-Then we should call him up and ask him to join us!

-Well...

-But you have a full hour

before the papers will be ready.

-Please, fraulein Schultz, please?

-All right.

Thank you.

[cheering]

[festive music]

[singing]

-My dearest fraulein.

We do not have to have coffee.

After all, this is a celebration.

Let us have champagne.

-Champagne?

Could we really?

-Herr, a quart of your best champagne

for the beautiful young lady.

And wait a bit.

For me, a small beer.

I have ulcers.

-Liebchen?

Liebchen!

Morning, Liebchen.

Where's the girl?

-Who is going to payfor this drape?

-Nevermind the drape, where's the girl?

-Either at the Marienfeldereceiving center,

or with her next customer.

-I ought to belt you.

-Ah, ah, ah!

Let me do it.

[popping]

[festive music]

Prost!

[Paula] Prost!

-To your new freedom!

-To my new freedom.

[giggling]

Prost.

-Prost.

-To my new freedom.

-Will you excuse me, please, I have...

-Sure, thank you.

-Excuse me, gorgeous.

Do you have anything against dancing?

-No.

-Shall we join the party?

-All right.

[festive music]

-This is the zebra speaking.

I found the precious lost jewel.

-Zebra?

Lost jewel!

-Zebra now means "I'm calling from Alaska!"

-Uh-huh, Alaska.

Weber.

You're not a zebra.

You're a jackass, as usual!

You're using last year's codebook!

-I'm sorry, Herr Klaus.

Wrong pocket.

-Freedom is so wonderful.

-What do you mean, freedom?

-I just came over the wall.

-You didn't?

-Hey, gang!

Here's a girlwho just flew the wall!

[cheering]

A toast!

To the girl who got away!

[cheering]

I have located the antelope delicious

at the 14th street hoffbrau.

-You've located the antelope?

Do you think you could manage

to detain that slippery little gazelle

until we get there?

-I am feeding the antelope champagne.

I'm getting her...

[speaking German]

[speaking German]

Drunk, I'm getting her drunk!

[cheering]

-You will pleasestep over here

and fill out the form.

-Excuse me.

Did you register a party named Schultz.

-Yes, yes.

-Long blonde hair, and built...

-Herman Schultz?

-Not Herman, Paula.

-Oh, I wish it was so!

-Well, look, if she shows up here,

will you contact me?

Bill Mason, Lindon hotel.

-Don't worry.

You will be contacted.

-Good, good, thanks.

[festive music]

[belching]

-Was...

-Excuse me, bald eagle, my ulcer.

-Now listen, you hold her thereat all costs,

and don't let her talk to anyone!

Or it's hard labor for you.

-Woo hoo!

Listen, everybody!

Big secret, big surprise!

Ladies and gentlemen from West Berlin,

West Deutsch Republik, Wisconsin, and...

[a man] Texas! -Texas!

Because you've all been so very nice to me...

in the next Olympics, I represent West Germany!

[laughing]

[a man] Doing what?

-Oh, but I didn't tell you who I am.

[screaming]

-Please, please!

Go back to the table!

Baby, please!

-I am Paula Schultz!

Tell them!

-Shh!

You're not supposed to tell them

until it's in the papers!

-Shh!

I'm not supposed to tell I'm Paula Schultz

until it's in the papers!

-Brunhilda!

You're drinking too much!

-You don't believethat I'm Paula Schultz?

All right.

I'll show you!

-Brunhilda, please, please!

Ladies and gentlemen, please, it is not true.

Whenever Brunhilda is drinking,

she is certain that she is Paula Schultz!

No, no, no, no!

-Oh, yes!

-Put it down!

-More, more, high, high!

Higher, higher!

[a man] You're going to hurt yourself.

[Paula] Higher, higher, up, up!

One more, one more.

Come on!

[chatter]

Excuse me.

[glass shattering]

-Brunhilda, please!

-You tripped me!

-I did not trip you!

-So i try it again!

-No, no, no,please sit down!

Enough, sit down!

[glass shattering]

[Paula] You see, I am Paula Schultz!

[cheering]

[Weber] Please, sit down, Brunhilda, please!

-Oh, Bill, darling!

You tell them who I am, you tell them.

-She is Brunhilda Von Bruger.

-That is not true.

You tell them, you tell them.

-She's...

She's Brunhilda Von Bruger.

-I always thought I was Paula Schultz.

-Brunhilda, we think you're better than Paula Schultz!

[cheering]

-Darling.

Dance with me.

-He's tired.

-Yeah, I'm tired.

-All right.

Then Cupie will dance with me!

Come on, Cupie!

[festive music]

-What's happening, what's Weber doing?

-He is dancing!

-Get out of hereand start toward the door.

-The GIs are a bunch of fakes!

-Who said that?

-Told you not to.

-Now look, fellas,I didn't say nothing.

-Oh, you said it?

-No, please,I said nothing!

-What do you mean,insulting our allies?

Raus!

-You too, mister!

[wood splintering]

-Those are my friends!

What are you doing?

-Excuse me!

Aren't we going to dance?

-Those are two red agents, come on!

-Oh, I know him!

-Yeah, well,talk to him later!

Get in there!

-Where are the boys?

-Get in there, quick!

-Where are all the boys?

-See you later!

[singing]

[grunting]

See you downstairs!

-Brunhilda!

Brunhilda!

[singing]

[Paula] Hello!

Paula Schultz!

Paula, Brunhilda, come up, you!

-Paula!

Paula!

Oh, crud.

-Brunhilda, come up here!

-Get ready for a trip, friend!

[screaming]

[Paula] There's Cupie!

-Help, help!

-And then I swam...

And then I swamacross the river,

and I didn't haveany clothes on!

-Help, help!

-What are you doing in there?

[arguing]

-Who are you?

-Bye bye!

-Come on, honey!-Bye bye!

[Weber] Help!

-Hide!

Duck, honey!

[Klaus] Weber!

Weber, where are you?

-I have her, I have her!

-Paula!

-Here, come on here!

Oh, hi darling,yoo hoo!

-Hang on, hang on, honey.

[all screaming]

Paula!

Paula!

Are you all right, Paula?

-I am not Paula, I am Brunhilda.

-You're drunk, come on!

Let's get out of here!

[Paula] Woo hoo!

♪ On Wisconsin

♪ On Wisconsin ♪

♪ On to the...

-Shh!

♪ On to victory

Shh!

♪ On to victory

[banging] ♪ On to victory

Shh!

Barbara home?

-No, and would you like to know why?

-Not particularly.

-I'm kissing him!

-What's the idea of bringing that stripper in here?

-She's only going to be here a couple of days.

-Are you out pf your stupid mind?

Barbara would skin us both alive!

-Look, I'm helping a lady in distress.

Open the doors, will you?

Don't just stand there, open them!

-Lady in distress, huh?

Well, Barbara was in worse distress.

-Woo!

-She got clunked on the head with a glass,

knocked on her butt and had her dress torn!

I try to say one...

I try to say one word in your defence,

and she packs her bag, calls me a lard head,

and moves over to the Buckleys'.

-Well then, we have nothing to worry about.

-Yeah, you know, you really flipped...

-You want your $1500?

-You're coming in good now.

-Right, let's get out of here.

-Wait a minute.

Make her move over there.

-Why?

-Because she's on Barbara's side, that's why!

-She'll roll over later, let's go.

-Boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Boy, oh boy...-You stop getting emotional.

-I better go overto the Buckleys'

and startthe argument again.

We don't want Barbarabusting in on us.

-That's using the old lard head.

-Yeah.

I better think upan answer to that.

I sure do hear itoften enough.

-Go, go.

[speaking German]

-Letting her slip through your grubby fingers!

-I was sick, komissar,I have ulcers.

[belching]

You see?

-With an idiot like you as my chief agent,

I'm going to have an ulcer!

-Yeah, well...

[buzzer]

-Yes?

Put him on.

Hello, my friend.

-All right.

I guess by now you have enough proof

from those dummies of yours

that I really have Paula Schultz.

-Oh, well, they were just checking,

it'S a routine matter, you understand.

-Yeah, look, I'll be at the entrance

to Tannhauser park tomorrow at noon.

If you really want your star athlete,

you'll have somebody there with $75 000

or I turn her over to West Berlin authorities.

-Tomorrow, noon.

You have my word of honor.

-Good.

I'll be on the first bench, wearing a red tie.

-A red tie?

Red, that's our favorite color!

-Figures.

We've got ourselves a deal, my friend?

-It's a deal, my friend!

It's a deal, it's a deal!

[romantic music]

-I couldn't sleep.

[Bill] I'm not doing too well myself.

-It's my fault.

-Matter of fact, it is.

-I'm sorry I disturbed you.

-The night shirt you're wearing

isn't exactly an aid to tranquility.

-I hope Mrs. Sweeney doesn't mind.

But it's a dream, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Yeah, sure is.

-And I want to thank you

for making a couple of mine come true.

Sir Gallahad.

-Barking up the wrong castle, Schultzy.

My armor's a little rusty.

-It looks very shiny to me.

Well, then...

Good night again.

-Schultzy.

[sigh]

Sir Gallahad feelslike a little drink.

And you?

-I guess now that I'm free,

I can be as wicked as I want to be.

Oh, but tonight, only a glass of soda water, please.

-Yeah, yeah.

-William Sylvester Mason?

-Don't you ever dare use that name in public.

-My lips are sealed.

Bill, do you think...-Not if I can help it.

[Paula] No, all I meant to say

is do you think it would be safe

for us to go to the refugee center

in the morning?

-Refugee center?

-Uh-huh.

-Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Go there first thing in the morning.

[romantic music]

-Oh, William Mason.

You're wonderful,wonderful, wonderful.

-It'd make things a lot easier

if you stopped saying that.

And don't trust me any further

than you can throw your javelin.

Now shut up and go to bed.

-Well, someday,sometime,

you have to trust somebody, don't you?

Isn't there more to life than just compromise?

-Yeah, maybe, Schultz, maybe.

If you've got the luck and guts to find it.

-Maybe we'll find it together, hm?

-Good night.

[Paula] Sylvester!

Sylvester!

♪ On Wisconsin

♪ On Wisconsin ♪

[knocking]

-Who is it?

[Herbert] It's me, Herb.

-Good old Herbie boy.

-What's all the mystery?

What's so importantyou couldn't tell me

on the telephone?

-I can always depend on you, can I?

-Look, if I lend youany more money,

Barbara will kill me.

-Relax, will you?

I think I finally found it.

-My 1500?

-No, better than that.

Love!

[Herbert] Love? -Uh-huh.

Can I use that.

-Don't tell me you've gone ape

for that little stripper?

-That little stripperhappens to be Paula Schultz.

-No fooling, Paula Schultz?

-None other,and Herbie boy,

the commies want her backso bad

they're willing to pay me75 000 to get her!

-Well, naturally, you didn't agree to sell her.

You did.

Well how low can a guy get?

-I'll tell you how low.

If I don't come up with the 75 000,

I get my throat cut!

Heard of Rocco and the Owl?

-Don't tell me you're in the black market too?

Don't answer that.

Boy, if my chief even knewI knew you!

-How would I know I was gonna fall in love?

-My goodness, Bill,

selling girlsfrom one country to another!

That's white slavery!

-Uh-huh.

-Uh-huh?

That's an international crime!

-Uh-huh.

-Interpol could nab you!

The UN!

The CIA!

The CIA?

Damn it, I'm the CIA,I should nab you!

-It's all your fault!

You wanted your 1500, right?

You're in this too.

-I'm...

Selling girls?

-How'd you like to sell Barbara?

-They wouldn't take her.

Well, you can justuncook your own goose.

There's nothing I can do!

-All right!

Too bad.

Can't depend on a friend.

-Look.

All I have is my next week's allowance

from Barbara.

-Great, $45,that's just enough

to get Paula to London!

-Wait a minute!-Oh, come on, Sweeney!

I'll never forget youfor this!

-But...

I wish you would!

[humming]

[Rocco] Going someplace, Billy boy?

-Didn't we do this before?

-You didn't answer my question.

-What was the question?

-Going someplace?

-Yeah, I was just about to take out some dirty laundry.

-All the way to London?

-He's going to get our moneyfrom the Queen.

-Is she in the bag too?

-Hey, look, fellas.

I was just about to make

some sensational new British connections.

You'll love it.

See you later!

-Oh, how can wedo business with you

if you're not alive?

-All right.

Knock me off, you don't get your money.

All I need is a little more time.

-Your time has run out, we've been listening.

-I hate snoops.

-It looks like Schultz is your only remaining asset.

How much does she weigh?

-About 125 pounds, why?

-Quick figuring...

brings it to $600 a pound, that is...

That is...

-$75 000.

[Rocco] That's right!

That will bring backour investment very nicely.

-Oh come on, Rocco,

you're a gentleman of the old world!

Now, you wouldn't really want me

to toss that sweet kid back over the wall, would you?

[dramatic music]

I guess you would.

-As long as you're notgoing to deliver Schultz,

we will.

Now get her on the phone,

and we'll tell you what to say.

Go on, move!

[church bell ringing]

-The rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain.

-That's the new code, comrade jackass!

-All right, knock it off, comrades,

where's the money?

-Not so fast, my friend, where's Schultz?

-Over there on the bench.

-After her!

-Hey!

The big brown dog leaps down.

[protesting]

-But this is not Schultz.

Oh, you double...

[screaming in pain]

-You can take your cut, I'll be on my way.

[Rocco] There is your cut.

[speaking German]

-Where is she?

-Don't get excited, my friend.

The real broad is right over there.

By the statue of the Greek broad.

-You right about that?

-Would I lie to you?

-I can trust you.

You have an honest face.

-Oh, Roc!

Come on, Roc, don't let the hinies get her!

-Just a little added punishment, Billy boy.

-And no cut?

-I'm sorry, Billy boy,

but you cost us so much additional expense

in collecting our investment.

[groaning]

[romantic music]

-Welcome,

gentlemen from the Deutsche Demokratische Republik.

Oh, comrade Klaus.

You know, I'm really glad you finally caught me.

I missed you, you know?

-Oh, I knew you cared!

[screaming]

[upbeat music]

[screaming]

Get off me!

Get off me, minister, and go after her!

After her!

After her!

[upbeat music]

-Look, she's got away!

-Don't worry, comrades,

we won't sleepuntil we catch her!

[screaming]

-Mister Sweeney!

-What are you doing back here?

-The communist policeare after me!

-Is that Barbara's dress?

-Yes, yes.

-Look what you did to Barbara's dress!

Oh my gosh, she'll kill me!

She'll kill me!

-Mister Sweeney, please, mister Sweeney!

You've got to help me, mister Sweeney, please!

-Listen, you've gotto get out of that,

right away!

And you've gotto get out of here

before she comes home!

[Paula] Mister Sweeney, please, I need help!

-What's the matter?

-Oh, mister Sweeney, my zipper's stuck!

[grunting]

Mister Sweeney!-Oh my God!

[Paula] Mister Sweeney, that tickles!

[Herbert] Bend over, bend over!

-Oh, mister Sweeney!

[grunting]

-Mister Sweeney, it hurts!

-Oh, hi honey.

Your zipper's stuck.

-So are you,you sex fiend!

-Now wait a minute, honey!

No, wait, just...

-Mister Sweeney?

-Now, honey, this poor girl happens to be Paula...

Happens to be a defector.

And...

As a CIA agent,

it's one of my secret dutiesto offer her asylum.

-And as your wife, it is my duty

to commit you to one!

-No, honey!

[Bill] Sweeney, Herb!

-Oh, Bill, darling!

-Paula.

-Bill!

-Honey!-I never thoughtI'd see you alive again.

-The feeling is mutual and awful.

Herb?

You rescued her!

The good old CIA, where'd you find her?

-In my bedroom.

The good old CIA never sleeps!

-Darling, you must promisenever to let me

out of your sight again.

Ever.

-Cookie, from here on in,

I'm going to stand guard over you 24 hours.

Neither of us is goingto set foot outside this place.

-Oh, ducky, a coupleof starboarders.

-Herb, didn't you tell her who this is?

[Herbert] She wouldn't let me.

-This is Paula Schultz.

-And I'm Barbara Sweeney.

-Barbara doesn't dig sports or politics.

Honey, Paula here is the great East German athlete

who has set new records in the broad jump

and the javelin throw.

-So how come she couldn'twork my zipper?

-The red police would do anything

to nab her and take her back.

Over my dead body.

-Mine too.

-They're on her tail right now!

-Who isn't?

-Look, I've got to findsome place to hide her out

until I can figure out a wayto get her out of the country!

-Guess where, mastermind?

Welcome to Sweeney hall.

You poor kid.

-Thank you very much,Mrs. Sweeney,

that's very nice of you.

Thank you.

-That's your pretty, beautiful barbie doll.

I owe you two a lot.

-About $1500 at 6% interest.

-Look, let me dosomething for you guys.

While Paula and Iare hiding here,

why don't you usemy suite at the hotel?

Have a ball,like a second honeymoon,

at my expense!

Signed for everything,dining, dancing...

romancing.

The whole bit!

-Can we eat and drink up$1500 in 48 hours?

-Well, we can try.

We'll take you up on that.

-Good, I'll get in touch with the hotel manager.

-When is your hotel bill due?

-Monday.

-Fine, we'll be out on Sunday night.

Excuse me.

I'll get you something to wear.

With...

buttons.

-So?

Love conquers all, huh?

-It conquers nothing.

Let's have a drink.

-Say.

Are red agents really after Schultz,

or is this just a new gimmick

for shacking up?

-They're not only after her,they're after me, now.

I'm on a real bind.

-So what else is new?

-It took 75 000 to pay off the hoods.

-So now the commies willwant to cut your throat.

-You've got a fast mind,what's the answer?

-All you need is 75 000.

-Oh, the CIA oughtto be proud of you!

-If you really want to be safe,

I could send you to prison for selling girls.

-Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, I thinkyou hit on something.

If the East Germansare willing

to give up all that doughto have Paula Schultz back,

our government oughtto be willing

to part with a few thousandto have a world famous defector.

Right?

-Right.

What sensational propaganda for our side.

Uncle Sam gives Paula Schultz asylum.

-Daring rescue engineered

by government agentH. Sweeney.

-Yeah.

Yeah, I'm overdue for a promotion.

This could do it!

-Yeah, yeah,come on, go!

Telephone!

-I'll call the chief

and have himrush out a check for...

-10 000.

-10 000?

Then I could get herto America.

Or else, to the penitentiary.

-All right then, just enough to cover

all necessary expenses for Schultz's escape!

Like the $1500 I owe you.

Right?

-That makes sense.

Yeah, Barbara would like that.

-Good.

Simply convince your chief that if the commies are willing

to part with 75 000, the United States ought

to be willing to part with...

Would they believe nine?

-Well, we wouldn't wantto appear cheap

in the eyesof the whole world.

-Sweeney.

I've got an idea.

-So have I!

[humming]

-No, no, no,no, no, no!

First, I want some romance.

-Anything you want, sweetheart, you just name it.

-No, no!

I want to go downstairs to the grill

and dance!

-Dance?

Are you sick, we'd bebetter off at a movie!

-But dancing does things to me.

-It does thingsto me too,

it makes me tired.

-Not tonight, tiger.

Tonight...

You roar.

-Oh Barbara...-Come on, get dressed.

Come on, come on!

-Well?

-Perfect.

-You see, the manwho marries me

not only getsa champion athlete,

but also a champion cook!

-We're a cinch to live happily ever after.

Little Paula sweetie.

Tomorrow, you're going to start all over.

-Darling, I don't knowwhat I'd do without you.

-Just don't try.

-Bill.

Do you think it was wise

letting the Sweeneysgo to your place?

You know, those East Germanfriends of mine

might just go lookingfor us there.

-They wouldn't be that dumb.

And they know we're notstupid enough to go back there.

-If they are smart, they might figure us

not stupid, stupid,

therefore, it would be smart to be stupid!

-That is the most stupid thingI ever heard of.

-But on the other hand, if they are clever,

maybe we won't be clever!

So it would be not clever...

-Oh, shut up!

If you want to go to Mason'sroom and look around, go!

Stupid.

-Jawohl,sir, I mean, yes, komissar.

-You know,on second thought,

maybe those fellowswould be smart enough

to figure outthat we think

they're not so stupid.

-What are you talking about?

-Klaus and company might gobarging in on the Sweeneys.

[phone ringing]

-Sounds like Bill's phone.

-So, it's for Bill,it's not for us.

-They must reallybe having a ball,

they're not answeringthe phone.

I gotta get over there.

-I'm going with you.

-Are you out of your beautiful skull?

-Have you forgottenthe promise you made to me?

-Which one?

-Never to leave me aloneever again.

-I had to open my big mouth.

[instrumental music]

[buzzer]

-Ja?

Ja, ja?

Ja, ja?

Hummingbird?

Bald eagle here.

They're there?

Keep an eye on them, we come right over!

-I guess my stupid suggestion

was the smartest thing I ever did.

-Oh, hummingbird.

You mustn't mind when I say that you're stupid,

incompetent, inept.

It's nothing personal!

-Jawohl,my bald eagle.

-Ja, ja.

Bald eagle.

-If Sweeney's waitingaround here,

they're liableto pick him up anywhere.

-Maybe they're downstairs in the bar.

-Come on.

-You and your dancing!

-How was I to know

the orchestra would go home at midnight?

-You don't know it,

but I told themto go home early.

-Sweeney!

You're a sexy devil!

[humming]

[chatter]

[humming]

-Whoa!

Oh, you dirty...

-No, no, Sweeney, don't wet the bed!

Don't wet the bed, don't wet the bed!

-You'll be sorry!

You'll be sorry!

Just you wait!

-I'm waiting!

Oh, no!

I'm waiting!

[giggling]

[muffled] I'm waiting!

[giggling]

[muffled] Oh no!

-Where could they have gone?

-I'm gonna check the night club down the street,

I'll be right back.

Keep the lights off and the door locked.

[romantic music]

[screaming]

-They're after me, they're in there!

-Run!

[muffled giggling]

-Oh my God!

-Out, out!

-Back to Sweeney's, come on!

[muffled] -Let me go!

-Excellent workon that, Weber!

-It just proves that the dumbest thing

can be the smartest thing, if it just so happens

that the smart thing was a dumb thing.

-Let it go, nevermind!

-I knew you'd come backto me, my Liebchen!

[groaning]

-Who the hell are you?

-Dummkopf, who's this?

-It's supposed to be Paula Schultz.

Isn't it?

-Wait until Sweeney hears about this!

-How did she do that?

-Get rid of her!

-Stop the car!

Stop the car!

Stop it!

-Sweeney!

[sirens blaring]

-Hi, honey.

How do you feel?

-How do I feel?

How do you think I feel, you big ape?

I spent the night in jail!

I called you 15 times, where were you?

-Honey, I fell asleep.

-Give this, please.

-I fell asleep...

Your friend, your buddy,

getting mixed upin a mess like this...

I'll kill him!

I'll kill him!

-He's my friend.

I'll kill him!

-Did you see who I saw?

-Yeah, it's him!

[car horn honking]

-Follow him!

-Fix me a drink, a big one!

-Hey!

Where have you two been?

We looked for you all over last night,

we couldn't find you.

-For a damn good reason.

Sherlock Holmes couldn't find me either.

-Now, Babs, I...

-Where is big mouth Mason?

-Oh, he just went up the street.

He'll be here any minute.

Anything wrong?

-Well, I suggest that you wait for him outside.

You're not hiding hereany longer.

-Now wait a minute, it's not Paula's fault!

-Zip your lip!

-Did I give you any trouble, Mrs. Sweeney?

-Out, out.

-I'm sorry. -Raus!

And you can mail backmy outfit!

The drink.

-Here, dear.

[knocking]

-If that's your friend Mason,throw him out too!

-Yes, dear.

-Madam, I regret this intrusion,

but where is Paula Schultz?

-These are the skunksthat kidnapped me!

Arrest them, Sweeney!

-Yes, dear.

-Please...

Don't you move!

-Where is she?

[Bill]Barbara, don't open your mouth.

-That's an impossibility.

-Oh, my hero.

[Klaus] Please.

Will you force us to be nasty?

-All right, then!

One more step and I break his arm,

come on, drop your gun.

-Let me in!

-Paula, you can't help, go away!

[Paula] Let me in!

Oh, darling!

Let him go, please... -Will you get the hell out of here?

-Oh, excuse me.

-Halt!

Comrade Schultz, why don't you return

to your homeland voluntarily

and we will forget all aboutthat little defection of yours.

-Our republic,we hate to use force.

-Because we are such loving people!

Besides, you are so good at running and jumping!

-And she's also pretty good at screaming too,

which you're going to do

as soon as you hit that street. -We will see about that!

Comrade Schultz, out!

-Evening.

Agent Sweeney.

-This is him.

-CIA?

-Oh, please, no violence!

-There's your party!

-That's she, all right.

-It sure is.

-Well...

Welcome to the west, miss Schultz.

-Thank you.-Just a moment!

Comrade Schultz is returningto East Germany voluntarily!

-Oh, no!

-We made a prior arrangementwith this man!

-That plan's all washed up!

Now just go along with our government...-Just a minute!

When do we get backthe $75 000 we paid

for comrade Schultz?-Don't pay attention to him, honey, go along!

-Now wait, wait a minute!

We just paid 9000 to get over here.

-Herbert had nothing to do with it.

This is the louse that's responsible for everything.

He'd sell his own grandmother.

-Honey, I can straighten the whole thing out.

-I have it straight.

Comrade Klaus... -Now, if you wish to stay, we can handle it.

It's all up to you, miss Schultz.

-No thank you, I'll...

-How can you let a little thing like this upset you?

-Excuse me.

-Wait a minute!

-Sorry about this.

-Just a minute!

Take this with you,

I want to fumigate the apartment.

And this one too.

-Fumigate.

Before, she just hated me.

Now she loathes me.

-I've got to get her backsomehow.

-What do you want Barbara for?

She hates you even more than she hates me.

-I'm talking about Paula!

-Oh.

-Never thoughtI'd lose my cool

over a female shotputter.

-I know just how you feel, buddy boy.

Every time I couldn't get Barbara on the phone,

I wanted to drown myself in the blue dam.

That's how we got our favorite song.

♪ Way down upon the Swanee river ♪

-Bartender, don't give himany more to drink, huh?

I've gotta get Paula back

if I have to take onthe whole red army.

-Great, that's a good idea.

Then you can do something for me.

-What?

-Take on an absolute insurance policy...

in Barbara's name,

and if anything happens to you,

I can get my $1500 back.

Then I can go home.

Oh, right now I gotta go.

-I've gotta find a waythrough or over that wall.

-Or under it.

Dig yourself a hole in the ground,

and cover yourself up.

-A hole in the ground...

Sweeney?

Has the army still got that tunnel into East Berlin?

-No, no, they blew that up.

-Figured.

-But they got another one.

-Where?

-Wait here.

-Where?

Come on, tell me.

-Don't tell anybody.

-No, no, come on.

Bartender?

Where can we get a steam bath

and a bucket of hot black coffee?

[speaking German]

-Danke, danke.

Come, let's go.

-If my chief knew I was doing this without permission.

I'd be canned, you know that.

-Are you kidding?

They'll probably give youa promotion for this.

-The last time you tried to help me,

I was out of work for two years.

-Nobody's perfect.

-Okay.

Now just knock on the doorand say "you take boarders?"

-You take boarders?

-Come in.

A nice airy room.

With very nice closet.

-Yeah, you've seen one, you've seen them all.

-Go in, look around.

Quick!

-Oh.

[the girls] Hut, two, three, four.

Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

[whistle]

[instrumental music]

[muffled groaning]

-Quiet, dolly.

See you later!

[the girls, chanting] Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

-Paula, wait a minute,will you?

Paula, lookat those fingernails!

-What about them?

-That's what I gotfrom digging under the wall!

-Oh!

[the girls, chanting] Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

-Hey, wait a minute,

you realized what I risked to come over here to see you?

And why?

-Yes, you wanted another 75 000!

[instrumental music]

-Ja!

Anything for a lady!

Especially such a pretty one.

You're one cute little minx, yeah?

Good figure, too.

[high-pitched voice] -Nein!

[giggling]

No, no!

Dirty old man.

[whistle]

[the girls, chanting] Eins, zwei, drei, vier, eins, zwei, drei, vier.

-Paula, would you listen to me?

Paula!

Paula!

Paula, I can get hurtdoing these things!

-Go away!

[high-pitched voice] Paula!

Excuse me, ma'am.

-Come on, Schultzy,nobody's perfect.

When are you going to letbygones be bygones?

-Never, you big mouth!

Since you gave me a ride,why not have one yourself?

[screaming]

-Raus.

Raus!

[giggling]

-Stubborn discus flinger.

-Come with me, honey.

[high-pitched voice] -Just a minute!

Paula!

Paula, will you listen to me?

-Go away,you want to get shot?

-All right, so I'll be a bullet-ridden husband.

-Maybe a few holes will letyour dishonesty leak out.

Husband?

-I didn't come over here to change my sex.

-Oh, Bill...

Oh, darling,I'm so happy!

I'm so happy!

-Why aren't you two in the showers?

-Oh, because...

-Hurry up now, off with the clothes!

-Ja, ja.

Oh, you see,she's terribly shy.

Terribly shy.

-Shy?-Yeah, yeah, terribly.

-Girls!

-You all right?

-All right.

[whistle]

-We have a new teammate who's too shy

to get undressed.

-Oh, but she'll beruined for life!-Move over!

Unshy her!

[protests]

Go!

[screaming]

-How about that?

[laughing]

-Girls, girls, excuse me.

I know he's not very much to look at,

but he's all mine.

-Where are we going to hide him?

-Here, here.

I've got a big locker, ja.

-Hold it, hold it! -Let him go!

I said he's all mine.

You've got to help us escape.

[a woman] He'll never get past the guards.

[arguing]

-It's him!

That's him!

Guards, guards!

-Wait.

Quick, quick, to the shower room.

-It's locked.

-Over there!

[arguing]

[speaking German]

-All right, where is he?

-He?

-Yeah, he.

-She said there was a man in here.

-A man, girls?

There's keineman here.

-You lie!

It's not true, there was!

He was right thereon that bed!

-All right, we'll find him.

Come on, comrade.

[screaming]

Keep quiet!

Somebody's got a man in here!

[a woman] Ja,I see two!

-He was with her!

-Now what would a man be doing in here?

-If you don't know, I'm notgoing to tell you.

[a woman] I tell you, he is here!

He stole my clothes!

-Oh, she always thinks

somebody's taking off her clothes.

Oh, excuse me.

Thank you.

Ow!

-Comrade Schultz,what hairy legs you have.

-Oh, you know the athletics and exercises,

what they do to a woman.

-Hey, you guys shouldn't be in here!

-Bring in the prisoners.

-Bring in the prisoners!

-Comrade Schultz.

You have only to make a public statement

acknowledging your mistake,

and I will see to it personally

that you're restoredto the same status

you enjoyed previously.

You can have thatnew apartment back again.

-I'd rather goto the tractor factory,

thank you.

Ex-comrade Schultz.

It is my duty to order you to stand trial,

for treasonous defection,

for demoralizing your teammates,

and you, herr William Mason,

to stand trial for corrupting our economy,

and for abductingour star athlete Schultz

for subversivepolitical purposes.

And you, all her teammates!

Will be witnessesat the fair trial...

that they willboth be getting.

-And then, you both are going to be shot.

-Dismissed!

-Jawohl, herr komissar!

Out!

[speaking German]

Everybody out, out, out, out, out.

[speaking German]

Out, everybody out!

Herr komissar.

Shall I take the prisoners back to their cells?

-That's not Mason,or Schultz.

-How did they do it?

-Somebody is goingto get shot for this.

-I'm afraid it's going to be us.

[instrumental music]

-Come on, hurry up.

-Hold it, hold it!

It's me, minister Klaus!

Don't go without me!

-Minister Klaus?-I'm defecting too!

-All right, get in!

-Please, wait for Weber!

Long live the West German Republic!

-Get in!-What the hell is going on here?

-I'll explain it someday!

Let's go!

[joyous music]

-Wait for me!

Closed captioning is provided by Studio Sonogram.