Original subtitles

Steve, I can't talk now.

I'm cooking breakfast.

No, you're not invited. It's just for the family.

Steve, stop begging.

Look, I gotta go.

This is the first time I've ever cooked a whole meal before, and if I don't pay

close attention, my beautiful breakfast will go up in... Smoke!

My food's on fire!

now missy thank you steve now i'm going to give

you a compliment but it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything

than that oh i understand you did good

you love me don't you

It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper

page. Love and tradition of the grand design.

Some people say it's even harder to find.

Well, then there must be some magic clue inside these kids of war.

Because all I see is a tower of dreams. Real love bursting out of heaven.

We're going to fill our house with happiness.

We'll smother the blues with tenderness.

There's room for you, room for me, for gentle hearts and opportunity.

It's the bigger love of the family.

What's going on down here? And why do I smell cinnamon -flavored smoke?

Well, you see, we had a little muffin mayhem. A small gastronomic goof -off.

Mine are Betty Crocker boo -boos.

Laura, translate.

Well, I tried to cook breakfast and it came out a wee bit crispy.

Laura, this oven is on 550.

Well, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. So I figured if I

doubled the temperature, I could cook it at half the time.

started the Chicago fire.

Laura, you've never shown interest in cooking before.

The closest you've ever come is picking up the phone and ordering a pizza.

Well, I just figured it's time I learned how to cook. When I go away to college,

I'll be away from home for four long years.

And I might get hungry.

Could happen.

You know, I think I'll take a home ec class.

Wow, I'll teach you how to cook. No, thank you.

Well, Mom, you're not exactly the most patient teacher.

What do you mean?

Well, do you remember when you tried to teach me how to sew?

You made me so nervous I had to go to the hospital to get the thimble removed.

Well, on second thought, maybe home ec is the way to go.

Now entering the residence of one of Chicago's finest, Police Sergeant Carl

Winslow. And look, here's the spot where Police Sergeant Winslow drops his bag

after a hard day of fighting crime.

Why, look, there's Police Sergeant Winslow's mommy.

Hi, mommy.

Why, look, here's my lunatic son.

Hi, son.

Now take a look at the camera I brought at the police auction today. Now we can

videotape all our special occasions.

Well, it's about time you popped for something like this.

How long did it take you to crowbar your wallet open?

Very funny.

But look, I want you to spread the word. No one, but no one is to touch this

baby but me. I'm the only one with the skill to handle it.

Then you won't be in any of the family videos.

Oh, sure I will. This baby has a remote. I'll be in all the videos.

Then you'll need a wide -angle lens.

Hi, everybody.

Come on. Steve,

why do you have to take every class I take?

Because every moment we're apart causes me excruciating pain.

That's funny. I get the same pain when we're together.

Hello, Cassie Lynn.

Oh, my God, what a great outfit.

I just love that thrift store look.

Thank you.

And I love that beauty mark.

Oh, I'm sorry, that's a big zit.

Hey, want me to pop that, baby?

Hold it, weren't you in the wrong class? This is for Mac.

I know.

I'm ready to bake, shape, whip, dip, chip, chop, and fricassee.

Well, do you know how to cook?

Not a stitch.

Wait a minute, Waldo. You're just taking home that because you think it's a

Mickey Mouse course.

Okay, you're on to me. I figure it's a surefire D.

I heard that, Waldo.

This is not a Mickey Mouse course. Now, I expect you to try your best.

Okay, but I gotta warn you, my best is pretty lousy.

Master, we're... Stephen, you better get going. You're late for class.

Oh, no, I'm not. I'm in this class.

That's not funny, Stephen.

Oh, I'm not joking.

Oh, what's cooking good looking?

Oh, Stephen, just a minute.

Stephen, last semester, I specifically asked you what class you would not be

taking this semester, and you told me home and...

Yes, I did.

But here you are.

It's not fair.

No, they're fair. Buck up.

It's only a few short months.

Months? Oh, months, months.

Oh, get a grip, Irene.

Laura, are you missing anything?

I don't think so.

Your watch.

How about that?

Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

Laura, cooking is not a race to the finishing line. Now I want you to slow

and organize.

Slow down and organize. I got it. Good.

You could have at least taken it out of the wrapper, Kathy Lynn.

Are you saying I didn't bake this?

Listen up, Novels.

If you want to pass this class, you're going to have to roll up your sleeves

get your hands dirty like everyone else.

Hey, you don't have to like my cooking, but please don't call me names.

Waldo, I was referring to the turkey that you cooked.

It looked marvelous, but, uh, Waldo, the assignment was to bake bread.

I did.

But I got done early, so I decided to make some stuff.

Then I needed something to stuff, so I got myself a goblet.

Mmm. Oh, it's marvelous. They're so...

Moist and flavorful.

Waldo, this is superior work. I'm going to give you an A.

Wow.

Could you write that A down on a piece of paper?

I want to take it home and read it to my mom.

Right, Doe, right.

Come on, you can do it.

Stephen, it's not a good sign when you have to give your food a pep talk.

No.

Class can't be over.

not done.

Oh, it is done, Steven. It's dead.

I don't understand.

I followed the recipe exactly.

Could it be bad yeast? I don't know. But listen, now you tried as hard as you

could and I'm going to be generous and give you a C.

A what?

A what?

A C.

A C.

But I never, I never got less than...

The room is spinning. Oh, yes, it is.

A kiss would be nice.

We're supposed to be studying history?

Now, what did President Roosevelt say to Joseph Stalin at the Yalta Summit?

Kiss me, baby.

What are you doing?

I'm going to send this to America's yuckiest home video.

I'm out of here.

No, no, Rhonda, wait. Listen, we can continue this someplace else. Someplace

more romantic.

More private.

Like where?

Like the garage.

Great. You can go ahead and start without me.

Rhonda, wait.

If you two are smart, you'll run away from home before I get back.

Rhonda, wait.

Uh -oh.

Hey, don't look at me. I don't know you.

Stephen.

Stephen!

Yes, Irene?

Today's appointment is poultry. Where's your bird?

Oh, my fryer's in the fridge, but I'm not happy with my grade in bread, so I'm

baking a make -up loaf.

Oh, well, I admire your persistence.

Oh, I think you'll also admire my new secret ingredient.

What's that?

I've invented new super active earth yeast.

Earth yeast?

Rolls out the tongue, doesn't it? Yeah.

You see, I took ordinary yeast. It's going to see this fungi.

Inject it with high concentrations. Just bake it, Steven. Just bake it.

Chicken smells delicious.

Who cares?

My hands are rough, my hair is limp, and I've got a gizzard stain on my shirt.

But you're learning to cook.

Now, doesn't that make you feel wonderfully good about yourself?

Forget a life.

Stick a fork in me, Miss Dubin.

I'm done.

Oh, what a beautiful presentation.

Mmm,

perfection. Now... You see what can happen when you slow down and take your

time? Yeah, you get food you can actually eat.

And what is our Epicurean king

cooking for us today?

Goose on crew.

A la Waldo.

Oh,

magnifique. Oh, and Waldo.

Thanks again for catering my dinner party last weekend.

They like the poached salmon beurre blanc?

We loved it. And the creme brulee?

They raved.

You know, Waldo, if you apply yourself, you have the talent to become a really

great chef.

Wow. I've never been good at anything before.

Well, I can't play the top 40 on my armpit.

But you know how fickle the music business is.

Alligator. Well, what should we do?

on my way to work. Oh, this won't take long. Richie has something he wants to

tell you. Go ahead, sweetie.

I'm a rotten slime ball.

Come here, Richie. Come here. Now,

you just calm down and tell your Uncle Carl why you're a rotten slime ball.

I broke your new TV camera.

Oh, it was you.

Well, how did it happen?

I dropped it.

Richie told me he hasn't slept since it happened. And I told him he'd feel a lot

better if he just told you the truth.

Well, you know something?

Your mommy is right.

You should always listen to your conscience.

My conscience?

Mm -hmm.

That little voice that tells you that you're doing the right thing.

Mommy, you're like a conscience, too.

That's right, honey.

Only you're a lot louder.

That's right, honey.

Now, don't you feel better having told Uncle Carl the truth?

Sure do.

And you know what?

I feel better too.

Because I already knew that you broke my camera.

I was just waiting to see if you would come and tell me.

Really? Mm -hmm. How'd you know?

Well, let's take a look at the tape.

Now, you see?

It is obvious that the cameraman was three feet tall.

Oops.

And we also have to talk to Eddie about his study habits.

Miss Dubin, I told the janitor about our little problem here.

Is he coming?

No, he opted for early retirement.

I see.

Oh, I think he had the right idea, Stephen. I think I'm going to march

right down to the principal's office and turn in my spatula.

What are you saying, Miss Steuben?

No, I'm quitting.

I just have to face the fact that as a teacher, I deserve an F.

Bite your tongue, Miss Steuben. Oh, I already did that when I flew.

teacher. Oh, no, I'm a nervous teacher.

Oh, God.

Oh, I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking.

Sweet stupid Whitney, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking shortcuts.

And you taught Cassie Lynn Nubbles, the poster girl for useless people, what

it's like to do things for herself.

Look what you've done to Waldo. Do you have any idea how you've changed him?

Well, I guess he has changed a little. A little?

Why, thanks to you, Waldo is swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck.

You helped him discover a hidden talent.

And now, thanks to you, he has something that he didn't have before.

Self -respect.

What about you, Stephen? Have I taught you anything?

Well, let me ask you something.

What grade am I going to get?

Oh, look around, Stephen.

I don't think an A is in the cards.

I didn't think so.

And that's what you taught me, Miss Steuben.

And it's okay to be less than perfect, as long as you tried your best.

Oh, actually, I guess that applies to me.

Look, Miss Dubin, you teach us more than just things out of a textbook.

You teach us things about life.

Oh, do you really think so?

Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the

credit you deserve.

But you're a teacher, Miss Dubin.

And a darn good one.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, Mr.

Wallace.