Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born.

He's the man of me.

Then it'll all come true.

They got nothing but the genes, but they got different strokes to take,

different strokes to take, different strokes to move the world.

We'll be right back.

New pledges, great.

All right, all right, all right, all right, pledges, all right.

Not bad.

Although you could have done better in the escalator races at Bloomingdale's.

I would have set a record if I had tripped over those nuns.

Just what's going on here?

You hooligans are driving away my customers.

And, uh, what's with the feathers?

They're not from us, sir.

Nobody likes a smart -aleck kid, Hunter.

Well, sir, Eddie Haskell did have quite a following. And might I add, that's a

lovely tie you're wearing.

And might I add, you got five minutes to get those feathers off, or I'll have

your McNuggets on a platter.

I hate pledging. I'm going to tell these guys what they can do with their

initiation.

You have a problem, Jackson?

Uh, no, sir. In fact, I'll just tell the trailer here I'd love some more

humiliation before I go home.

Pledges?

Attendant.

Well, well, well.

So, you lowly pledged scum made it this far.

But you're not in the Squire's Club yet. No, just wait until tomorrow.

Hell night!

Hey,

you know, Hunter, I might do you a favor and, uh,

Initiate you myself.

Well, sir, that's quite an honor with your busy schedule. Shut up, Hunter.

Shutting up, sir.

You don't allow slimy pledges to speak without permission, huh?

And you are slimy. Is that right, Jackson?

Right, sir.

I'm so slimy, I'm often mistaken for a mucous membrane.

Hey, how's it going, Carl?

Oh, pretty good.

Pretty good.

Going easy on those women, huh, Carl? Oh, come on.

Hey, John, you had potato salad today.

I know because you always have French fries. It's Arnold who always has potato

salad. You are sharp, Carl, really sharp.

Hey, let's see if our pledged scum is just as sharp, huh?

Uh, Jackson, sing our club fight song, will you?

Uh, sir, there is no...

club fight song.

That is no excuse, Jackson. Sing it anyway.

And it better rhyme, Slime.

The club's gonna fight.

We'll get an appetite.

And we'll eat all night. That's enough, Jackson. That's enough. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I'm not finished yet.

Go on.

Oh, yeah!

Well, Jackson, you're no Tina Turner, but, uh, Not bad for vermin who should

be at attention but forgot.

You know, maybe they need some help remembering. You know, maybe they do.

Excuse me, Carl.

Here you go.

There. We did you a favor.

Now, if you hear plates smashing, you'll know you're not at attention.

That's very thoughtful of you, sir.

Hey, I got a new radio.

My dad gave it to me for my birthday.

Well, that's great, Paul. Is it your birthday? Oh, no, it already was.

Well, please, will you put that thing off and get back to work?

Your job is to wash dishes, Paul, not to put on a rock concert.

But I was just showing them my new radio, Mr. Waller. Paul, Paul.

If they want to hear music, they'll put a quarter in the jukebox.

You see, Carl, that's how we make money.

That's what pays your salary.

That's what helps me get a new BMW.

Silver.

Black interior.

With Carlotta Balducci sitting next to me wearing a... I'll just get back to

work.

Oh, sure, Mr. Wallace.

And go ahead.

Break one of those dishes.

Make my day.

You know, poor Carl tries his best. How could Wallace treat him that way?

Yeah, not to mention the way he treated us.

Yeah, I mean, we're the only ones who can treat our pledges like scum. Forget

about Wallace. We have a party to go to.

I hear it's five girls to every guy. Five to one.

Even I might get lucky.

I'd love for you guys to go.

You know, Jackson, someone's got to hold those plates up.

These are the days of the Dirty Dirty. You have no standards.

She put me on the spot. Like, I'm some type of male. I do keep multiple females

around me at all times because there's nothing better than you.

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Sometimes he just loses the ball. He's not my game.

What? Two words, Chief.

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Who is that?

I don't know.

There's someone out there.

I just want you to run. Why

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The Strangers Rated R starts Friday.

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Well, I guess I'm all set.

Hey, you look great, Arnold.

Yeah, stripes make you look better.

Hey, are you going to the Initiation or Johnny Cash concert?

You guys knock it off. I'm already a wreck.

Now, take it easy. You've been pledging for weeks now. This is the last night.

Surely the worst is behind you.

But I'm not in yet, Dad.

And tonight's hell night.

And if you're not in the club, your high school career's a flop.

And if I don't get in the club, I'm a nobody.

You're going to have to join the bobble on.

Don't worry, Arnold.

I felt the same way when I was a pledge.

But, man, you make lots of friends, and you feel great about doing community

work and charities.

Willis, you astonish me. And all this time I thought you joined just for the

parties and the girls.

I did.

Willis, because you are a member of the Squireth Club, they have to take me,

right?

Not 100%, Arnold, but you would have to be a real jerk not to make it.

You could be in trouble, Arnold.

No, no, no.

Arnold, don't worry.

Everybody that pledges a fraternity goes through this.

I can't begin to tell you what an ordeal I went through. Really, Dad?

Oh, you'd better believe it.

It was tough. I had to go for one entire day with my hair parted on the wrong

side. Unbelievable, Dad. And you lived to tell about it?

You can laugh all you want.

But I just barely made it.

I had quite a cowlick in those days.

Looks like the cows licked most of it off.

Arnold, just relax.

Get in there and break a leg.

Knowing them is probably part of the initiation.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Madonna.

Didn't even shave your legs.

I tried to, really, but my dad caught me and he said if I didn't stop, he was

going to take me to a psychiatrist.

Hey, fellas.

I did it. I did it. How much you put in, Jackson? The whole box. All right,

Jackson. Now, if this works, you're in. And we really steamed that idiot wallet.

Hey, I think I hear something.

Thank you.

Esquire's Club.

Hey, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.

All right, guys, you can get out of those outfits now.

Are you kidding?

You know how many girls I met this way?

Oh, gee.

Uh, Carl, uh, what's going on here?

I don't know.

I never saw anything like it before. The sun's got real big. They're all over

the place.

Oh, here, Mr. Wallace, let me help you with that. We'll get this fixed up just

good as new. No, no, don't help me, Carl.

Just look at the mess you made with this dishwasher here.

How could you be so stupid?

But, Mr. Wallace... No buts, Carl.

Just get out of here. I never come back. You're fired.

Wait, Mr.

Wallace... Go

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I'm with you.

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Hi, everybody.

Hi. Long time no see, stranger.

Sorry. I was down at the hamburger hangar on important club business.

The guys had me write down new guidelines for the water balloon fight.

Well, good for you.

I think that's how Henry Kissinger started.

Anyway, we're very glad that you're enjoying yourself.

Yeah, Arnold.

But I really miss your voice.

Sam, get along.

What a nice surprise. Come in.

Hi, Carl. Hey, look who's here. The best darn janitor in New York City.

Oh, not the best one.

I want to thank you again for getting me the job, Mr. Drummond.

Oh, no need to. We all thank you.

Our building has never been so clean. Yeah, Carl, we're real proud of you.

And I'm real proud of you, too.

You have the neatest garbage in the building.

Not like the Clifford's.

It's always greasy.

Gooey green with lots of pieces of green fat.

I think we get the idea, Carl. Well, if you don't, I'd be glad to show it to you

sometime.

Can we go see it, Mr. D?

Sam, why don't we wait till your mother gets back and then we can all go as a

family? I want to show you something. They gave me a lot of keys.

I got one to the furnace room, one to the storage room, and one to the garbage

room. Oh, I'm sure we'll all sleep better nights knowing our garbage is

lock and key.

Sam, we better let these two old friends catch up on things.

So, how'd things work out, Carl?

Oh, I'm learning a real lot.

How to wax the floors, how to clean the mops, and to wake the super before the

football game starts.

Well, it seems like your new job's really working out for you. You getting

pay? And I bet you never had a key to Hamburger Hanger's garbage room. No,

Arnold, I never did.

But that's because they didn't have a garbage room.

Hey, Carl, what's wrong?

I miss the Hamburger Hanger, Arnold.

Hey, once you stop by, everybody's asking about you. I'd really like to do

but Mr. Wallace told me never to come back.

Well, Mr. Wallace.

Arnold, how is it down there?

Is it still real fun?

I miss everyone, Arnold. I really do.

Hey, cheer up.

You'll make some new friends here in no time. You just gotta socialize more.

With who?

I'm the only one in the basement.

I listen to my radio and I sure enjoy it a real lot, but I really think I get

kind of lonely down there, Arnold. I really do.

Uh -oh, halftime's almost over.

I gotta go tell the super and wake him up before the rest of the game.

Bye, Carl.

Hey, listen, you guys.

Would you like to... Where's Carl?

I thought that he'd still be here.

No, he left.

Arnold, I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I am very proud of you.

Proud of me?

Well, sure.

For looking out for Carl, for worrying about him when he didn't have a job.

You better watch out. You're going to give teenagers a good name.

Wait, Dad.

Listen, look.

On a completely different subject.

What if someone you knew, or rather someone you didn't know...

was responsible for helping his or her friend to get a new

situation. But in actuality, this

guy or girl was really responsible for causing his or her

friend to lose his or her old situation,

which this...

guy or girl's friend is really missing.

Arnold, if I'm hearing what I think I'm hearing, him or her is in big trouble.

So he or she better straighten out this mess very fast, or his or her father is

going to ground someone for a long, long time.

Him or her will take care of it immediately.

Good for him.

Or her.

Hey, Arnold.

I found out where Carl is, but I'm not telling you where he is until you cough

up the quarter you owe me for bringing him here.

Just put it on my tab.

I can't. You already owe me $176 ,000.

would a quarter make?

Good point.

Go ahead, Carl.

Hi, Arnold.

I'm here. Did you want to talk to me?

That's right, Carl.

Hey, I got some good news for you. Oh, and I've got some good news for you,

Arnold. Do you notice anything new?

Well, let's see.

I'll give you a hint.

C -A -

You're kidding me so much.

Hey, that's really cool, though. You got your name on your uniform. That's cool.

Oh, yes, Arnold. It is really cool. My name is on my uniform.

Hey, Carl.

I got something to tell you.

You're not going to be needing that uniform anymore.

There's a new dishwasher at Hamburger Hangar now.

There is?

Yes. And he's got a C -A -R -L written on his uniform, too.

Oh.

Oh, you mean me?

Hey, I talked to Mr. Wallace and convinced him to let you have your old

back. What do you say? How does it feel?

Real good, Arnold, but I can't take my old job back.

Huh?

Wait a minute, Carl.

You're not making any sense. It's like talking to Willis.

I broke the dishwasher, Arnold. I might break it again.

I'm scared.

Uh, Carl.

What is it, Arnold?

Well, sit down. I have something to tell you.

I'm already sitting, Arnold.

Right.

Uh, look, Carl.

The dishwasher, uh, you, uh, I, uh, look, you didn't break the dishwasher.

I did it.

You did?

I'm real sorry. It was part of my initiation.

But everybody thought that I did it, Arnold. I was yelled at by Mr.

Wallace and everything.

I know.

We didn't want you to get blamed. You see, I talked to Mr.

Wallace... Well, Arnold, I don't think that was very nice.

But, Carl, we didn't think you'd get blamed.

That was not nice, what you did to me. Yeah, but listen, Carl.

You got me in trouble, Arnold.

Real bad trouble.

But there's this thing called probation, and if... Arnold, I don't think you're

my friend anymore.

Wait a minute. Hey, Carl, hold on a second. Wait a minute. I told you I was

sorry.

closing arnold can't we please talk no arnold we can't talk because i don't

to talk to you anymore all right carl that's the way you want it i'd sure like

to be friends again there is there's the canary yeah we don't like the song

you've been singing to wallace what's your problem jackson well wallace

know a thing i took all the blame honest that's not the point scum As long as

you own that sweater, you're a reflection of our club, man. You get

trouble, so do we.

Think of Carl working in a dingy basement all by himself with no one to

but a mob. I don't believe you, Jackson.

You risked the whole club for one guy? You know, that was real stupid. We got a

mind to kick you out.

Stupid, Jackson, real stupid.

And you know what?

We don't think you're Squire's club material.

Well, considering the way you two are acting, I'm glad I'm not.

You done?

Uh, wait a minute.

Now I'm done.

Got my juicy fruit.

Nice knowing you, Jackson.

Uh, Arnold?

I know, you're closing, you're closing. I don't think you're a canary.

Thanks, Carl.

Oh, Arnold.

Boy, John and Randy were real mad at you.

You know all... that hula dancing you did, you look stupid for nothing.

Not for nothing.

This is their gum.

Arnold, wait a minute.

Arnold. Yeah, Carl?

I don't like it when we're not friends.

I don't like it either, Carl.

I mean, the way you stuck up for me, that was, that was really good, Arnold.

really was.

I figured I kind of owed it to you.

Because you really understood.

Because it was lonely in the basement.

But don't worry, I never talked to the mops.

I never thought you did, Carl.

Anyway, thanks a lot, Arnold.

Anytime, pal.

Hey, do you think they'll ever let you back in the club?

Nah. I think I'm washed up with that club.

Who cares?

Well, you know, Arnold, if I had a club...

I'd sure want you to be in it.

Carl, I'd love to be in it.

You are in it, Arnold.

All right, thanks, buddy.

Where's Leonard? He should be helping us with this. Oh, yeah, he's Leonard out

back, man. He's throwing the oxygen tanks from the air bar.

Yeah, those oxygen tanks are highly combustible.

Do we trust Leonard with those?

Nope.

Isn't it quite funny, bro?

They're just gonna leave you alone while you sit inside your home.

man, I'm going through this audio magic thing. Man, don't you know they got a

microphone in here so sensitive you can hear Clinton's drawers hitting the floor

all the way from D .C.

Come on, I want to get your opinion on these beer glasses.

No, no, I don't deal with that kind of stuff, man. That's minor details.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Indulge me, all right? I know we have our separate responsibilities, but we're

still a team, and I want my partner's opinion.

So, pick the glass you like best.

That one.

Are you sure?

Why don't you try it again?

All right, that one.

What?

I mean, look, are you sure you don't mean that one?

Look, if you didn't want my damn opinion, why you ask me to come over

the first place, huh?

Oh, see, okay, I know what's going on here.

Yeah, you're getting on my nerves.

You're feeling a little insecure, aren't you?

About what?

Well, I mean, I understand that you're reluctant to voice your opinion about

glasses because, well, because I'm fronting all the money for the club.

What? You know, if that's the case, really, I want you to know right here

right now, on the real, that from my perspective, You and I are equal

in every sense of the word. Cool.

Even though I'm writing all the checks.

Why'd you get to write all the checks?

Well, you were writing the checks for a while, remember?

Until we got that real angry letter from the bank.

See, they prefer the person writing the checks to have the money to cover them.

I mean, you spent all your money on electronic gadget.

want my opinion about the glasses? Of course I do. All right.

I don't like none of them.

I prefer to drink my beer in a mug.

All right. All right. See, now we're rolling. Keep going.