Original subtitles

He's just one drum, what might be right for you, may not be right for some. One

man is born, he's a man of means, then along come two.

They got nothing but their dreams, but they got different strokes to take,

different strokes to take, different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story, everybody finds a way to shine.

Maggie, I'm glad you're having fun at my sister's place.

Oh, I bet you too, honey.

I'll talk to you soon.

Sure, put them on.

Hi, Arnold.

How do you like Palm Beach?

Maggie told me you went for a ride on a boat.

Oh, rough seas, huh?

No, Arnold, I can't imagine what you'd look like green.

All right.

Give Maggie and your aunt Sophie a big kiss from me, and I'll see you when you

get back.

Bye.

Hi, Dad.

I'm in love.

You hide it very well.

Yeah, she's beautiful.

Long and lean.

Well, that beats short and squat.

She's the most gorgeous car I've ever seen.

Forget it, Willis. I am not going to buy you a Mercedes.

How'd you know that?

A little hint.

Like a Mercedes brochure stuffed under my pillow.

Now, Willis, when I told you that you could have a car for graduation, I was

thinking more in the $4 ,000 neighborhood.

It's not a neighborhood. That's a slum.

Oh, come on, Dad. What's the big deal? We're rich.

Wrong, Willis.

I'm rich.

I want you to learn the value of the dollar.

Besides... There's nothing wrong with a $4 ,000 automobile.

Ah, you're right, Dad. What's the big deal? I mean, who needs those fancy

like seats, doors, wheels?

Sam, you're home early from baseball practice.

They canceled practice.

How come?

Coach Reynolds quit.

Quit? Did he say why?

He said we're the nicest team ever, but watching us play baseball gave him

cramps.

Oh, that's a shame. Well, you can't have a team without a coach. I know.

Who's going to yell at us?

Yeah, my little slugger needs a coach.

Well, I'll speak to some of the parents.

We've asked everyone.

We even tried to ask the wino who was curled up on home plate.

But we couldn't shake him awake.

How about you coaching us, Mr. D? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not me, sorry.

Come on, Dad, why not?

Because I... have had my fill of coaching Sandlot leagues.

It was terrible.

All those crazy parents.

They throw things.

They shout insults. Some of them even spit.

Yeah. Some of those moms get carried away.

Besides, Sam, I wasn't a very good coach, really.

Tell him, Willis. Oh, Sam, he was the pits. The worst. I mean... Willis, you

made the point.

Come on now, Sam, don't. Not the hound dog.

Boost eggs on the scoreboard meant.

Relax.

It's just a game. It should be fun.

Fun? What's fun got to do with sports?

Reggie Jackson doesn't have fun. He just makes a billion dollars a year.

Listen, Joe, I agree with Coach Drummond. Everyone should have a good

the kids should play. Oh, I get it. That way everybody gets a chance to strike

out.

Everybody on the bench.

Now, T, you played a good game.

Yeah. But you need a few pointers.

Now, Clarence, you did fine, but from now on, when you're up to bat, take the

Eskimo pie out of your mouth.

But, sir, if I leave it on the bench, Rodney will eat it.

Rodney, you wouldn't do that, would you?

in the hitting department.

Ronnie wasn't too bad. He got hit twice.

Okay, now listen.

I think if we keep your eye on the ball and choke up the bat a little bit, we'll

all do much better.

Our score choked me up pretty good.

Yeah. One run would have been a lot better.

Now listen, guys. Don't get down on yourselves.

We're going to do just fine. Right, gang?

Yes! Now remember my golden rule.

winning isn't everything.

What's important is coming out here for the camaraderie, right, gang?

Right! What we care about is having fun, right, gang?

Right! Now let's hear it for the Hawks.

Now, team, let's not get down on ourselves.

Remember my golden rule.

Winning isn't everything.

Okay, all right, all right.

I get the point.

But never let it be said that Coach Drummond doesn't have another trick up

sleeve.

Only Coach Drummond could figure out what that trick is.

Now, just stay back here for a second so I can give you a big introduction,

okay?

Now, guys, I've got a big surprise for you. Fortunately, I've been working with

a great talent who's a spokesman for my favorite charity, and he's going to give

you some tips on baseball.

Oh, great.

We're going to learn some bad from Jerry Lewis.

No, Jerry Lewis didn't hit 33 home runs and have 98 RBIs last year.

But my surprise did.

Get ready to give a big hand to the catcher of the world champion Detroit

Tigers, Lance Perry.

Coach Drummond tells me you're having a rough time.

Well,

there's no reason to get discouraged.

The Tigers weren't always world champions.

In fact, they weren't even always contenders.

No, Rodney.

Stunk. They stunk.

Oh, I don't mean that you guys.

Stunk.

That's okay. We stunk.

We had some real tough years.

I understand you're playing under 500 balls. Well,

just dig in, practice a little harder, and turn it around.

What should we do first, Lance?

Let's see. What exactly is your record?

0 and 14.

All right, we've got to get you guys on the winning track.

Start with the fundamentals.

This is a bat.

Now your stance and your swing is very important.

You want to get comfortable in the box, keep your eye on the ball, and then

shake.

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Oh, Dr. Miracle.

Now what?

Your feeling formula really does work, Miracle. I told you so.

And that was so mean to you. You did hurt my hand. I love you, Dr. Miracle. I

knew you would. Please, come out.

Now, Dad, you got to picture me cruising along in my Mercedes.

Head held high.

Rock it to the FM stereo.

Wave it to the chicks. Hey there, Mama. Looking good.

Catch you later, baby.

You can do all of that in a $4 ,000 car.

Dad.

For $4 ,000, I'll have to slouch way down in my seat so no one can see me.

Turn on my AM radio.

Wave at the chick.

Hi there, mama, you're looking quite adequate.

Chug, chug, chug, chug.

That just fine sound, chug, chug, chug, means that you won't be spending any of

your days in traffic court.

Or any of my nights in a drive -in movie.

Lewis, you don't want to date a girl who only likes you for your car. Sure I do.

Hi, Willis.

Hey, Sam.

Did you change into a clean uniform after the game? No, it's the same one.

You don't get dirty striking out.

We're the cleanest team in the whole league.

Lost again, huh?

There's no joy in Mudville tonight.

Well, at least our team got to meet Lance Parrish. That was neat.

Thanks, Mr. D. Pleasure, Sam.

Lance Parrish from the Detroit Tigers?

Oh, man, I bet he gave you guys a few good tips.

He gave us lots of tips. He kept saying I should keep my eye on the ball, but I

always do.

Yeah, Sam, but you're supposed to swing at it, too.

Funny, Willis. Come on, Sam. I want to show you the brochure of the car I want.

Okay, Willis.

Can I get you something?

Yes, please.

I'm hungry.

Here you go.

Ted, what can I do for you?

Well, Phil, it's about the Hawks.

You know, I thought your idea of playing all the kids was just great. A lot of

the parents did, but last night we had a meeting.

A meeting?

I wish I'd been there.

No, you don't.

The phrase, Drummond's a bum, came up a lot.

Well, I guess if you've lost 14 in a row, they could have called me something

worse than a bum.

Oh, they did.

But they're not really bad people, Phil.

Except for the ones who suggested wrapping a baseball bat around your

Well, I knew things were rough, but I didn't think they'd gone that far.

Well, I didn't even get to the bad stuff yet.

No, but seriously, Phil.

We're worried about all this losing. Our kids are down all the time, and it's

just not good for their self -image.

Oh, man, I feel really awful.

I really thought I was doing the right thing. Well, we did, too.

Right, Rod?

What a kid.

Well, we'll just have to do something for those kids.

I guess maybe they've had their fill of the agony of defeat.

Maybe they could use a little nibble on the thrill of victory.

Well, it would be nice to win at least once.

It would be nice to score at least once.

Okay, okay.

I'll call some extra practices.

Well, yeah, but see, that won't help with a lot of the kids.

Maybe what we should do is field our best team and give the Hawks a chance at

winning. It's just got to be better for all the kids' morale.

All right.

All right, it sure would be good to have those kids feeling better about

themselves.

I'll start working on a new lineup right away. Thanks, Phil. Hey, Rod, you hear

that? You're going to get a shot at playing on a winning team. Isn't that

Maybe now he'll get his appetite back.

Now, listen, gang.

You remember when we talked about winning?

Yeah.

here's how we're going to do it. I have selected a starting lineup that should

help us rack up some victories.

Now, for all of you who won't be starting, don't feel badly. Just hang in

and keep on practicing. There's the list.

But I just feel that there are some better ballplayers who should start in

of you.

Listen, it was hard for me to bench any of the guys, but especially you.

Because I'm your father.

You're not my father.

My real daddy would have never done this to me.

I guess what Sam said down at the baseball field really upsets you.

That really hit home, I'll tell you.

My real daddy is something no stepfather ever wants to hear.

Oh, I didn't mean it, Dad. He was just mad.

You know, Redhead's terrible tempers.

Last week, he beat up a Cabbage Patch doll.

Thanks, Willis.

I probably shouldn't be surprised at this.

I guess he's been comparing me to his real father since the day he arrived.

Yeah, well, it makes sense, Dad.

You know, when Arnold and I came to live with you, we tested you every day.

And twice on Sunday.

I remember a time we turned on every fire hydrant for five blocks.

You flooded out a parade.

And now it's to see if you'd keep us or send us back.

How did you feel when you realized I was going to keep you?

It felt great, Dad.

Until you got us home and blistered our bottoms.

Oh, well, that was just to prove to you I loved you. Oh, yeah, you made it

perfectly clear.

I sure wish I could figure out how to convince Sam that I love him.

Why did you just ask him?

Oh, Willis, come on. It's not that simple.

Maybe it is that simple.

You know, Willis, I think you're growing up.

I'm glad we had this talk. Thanks.

Really? How glad?

Not Mercedes glass.

But I'll tell you what.

I'll see to it that your new car has an FM radio.

Hey, that's a start.

And a finish.

Hi, Sam. How you doing?

That well, huh?

I get the impression that you're not speaking to me.

Look, we can't get anywhere if you don't talk to me.

Sam, you remember when your goldfish Montgomery was sick and you said that

sure wished that he could talk so that he could tell you what you could do to

make him feel better?

Well, that's how I feel, Sam.

See, what I really need to know is this.

Are you upset because you think I don't love you?

Sam, tell me, what can I do to prove to you that I do?

Let me play you the next game.

Maybe I could just buy you a Mercedes.

No thanks, Mr. D. I want to play.

I just love baseball.

Oh, boy.

Okay, Sam, I'll start you in the next game.

Really? Great. Thanks a lot, Mr. D. And don't worry, you won't be sorry. I'm

going to try extra hard.

Yippee!

How's it going?

Hey, Willis, Mr. D is starting me in the next game. You look that great.

I'm going to go out and practice right now.

Starting him in the next game in front of the whole team?

Sam, Dad, you're really asking for it.

If that's what it takes, that's what I have to do. I'm going to go and help him

with his swing.

You are my girl.

I love you, Timmy.

On the night of August 6th, Kristen McKay and James Hoyt came to the woods

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You make me feel pretty.

You are pretty.

What happened next has never been told until now.

I just want you to run.

Rangers. Radar starts May 30th. I love winning. You know, you want to win a

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not my game. Be glad.

Two words, Chief.

Contact lenses.

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Get up.

own team to ruin, huh?

Clarence, you go up on it.

But your dad benched me.

Then pinch it for me because I'm not that good yet. But just wait.

You too. I know you do, Seth.

different scrolls.

I narrowed my choice down to colleges to ten.

Would that have anything to do with the Playboy article on girls of the Pac -10?

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In other words, you ditched him.

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