Original subtitles

We agree together that as you sow your seed, get ready to be overtaken by the

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Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you?

May not be right to stop.

One man is born. He's a man of means. Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes.

But they got different strokes to take. Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

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Not a lot.

So what? Don't have theirs. You'll have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world.

Different strokes to move the world.

Robbie, can you help me hook up this stupid volcano before my brain blows a

fuse?

Arnold, it's simple.

Just hook up the green wire.

You boys are violating the spirit of the science fair. If you lunkheads remember

correctly, everyone is supposed to do their projects on their own.

Mister, why don't you soak your face in this drop of maldehyde?

She better not. She'll scare the dead worms.

Knock it off. I'm saying the teacher.

Go ahead.

Say if we can.

Mrs. James.

All right, we can, we can, we can.

Yes, Lisa, what is it?

Arnold's getting help on his science project, and Dudley hasn't even started

yet. My project's been ready for over a week now. I've also cleaned test tubes,

polished the Bunsen burners, and washed all the frogs' legs.

You missed a couple.

Arnold.

Lisa, thanks. I wish I had more students like you. I don't blame you.

Well, class?

This looks like goodbye since I'm going to be a little busy for a while.

Your new teacher will be here on Monday, so whoever it is, please behave

yourselves. I hope the science fair goes well. Good luck, and I'll miss you all.

Goodbye, Mrs. James. I will always cherish my fond memories of you.

And I will try to make the world a better place to live by keeping an eye

troublemakers like Arnold Jackson and his band of merry twits.

Oh, man, I don't... You know, Lisa's gonna make problems for us with the new

teacher.

Yeah, I know. We don't need her getting us into trouble.

We can do that ourselves.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Let's beat Lisa to the punch and put that teacher's pet right where she

in the doghouse.

Yeah, I'd love to do something to get that bow -wow.

Hey, if this works... Oh, kibble breath will be licking our faces.

Now, listen. Come here.

Here's the plan.

Careful, Arnold.

Don't spill it. It'll stink up this place.

With Lisa around, who'd know the difference?

Okay. Switch this stuff with Lisa's.

Now, are you sure that when she uses this, her experiment will go up in

Absolutely.

Boy, this is a really ratty thing to do.

Thank you.

I'm proud to be a part of it myself.

And this is your new classroom.

I say to it that it's always good.

Place is over. I'm already kissing up to the new teacher.

Well, it won't work.

Because after tomorrow's science fair, she'll be one big fool.

Could I have everyone's attention, please?

We have a new addition to Roosevelt Junior High.

It gives me great pleasure to introduce our new science teacher, Mrs. Hayes.

When she finds out you've both got the same last name, she'll change hers.

I doubt that, Arnold.

She's my mother.

What you talking about, Lisa?

Good morning, boys and girls.

Good morning, Lisa.

Well, I'm pleased to meet you, class.

I've heard so much about all of you from Lisa.

Oh, no.

master to get to know each other, so get to work on your science projects and

give me a few minutes to get settled.

Why don't they just give us blindfolds and cigarettes and get it over with?

Well, well, well, if it isn't the three stooges, Larry, Moe, and Stupid.

I guess it's only fair to warn you that my mother listens to everything I say,

and she wants me to point out any troublemakers. Got it?

You don't scare us, Lisa.

Speak for yourself.

Stupid.

You won't have any problems with me, ma 'am.

Uh, what's with you two?

Unlike you, they're smart, Arnold.

If you step out of line just once, you'd be serving a life sentence on detention

row.

But... Yes, Arnold?

I was just trying to say that you have your mother's good looks and charm.

Why, thank you, moon face.

I think this arrangement's working out just fine.

We like it.

And I like it even more than he does.

Would you like my lunch money?

No, thank you, but that's the right spirit.

You know, Arnold, the best thing is you can't do ugly jokes about me anymore.

How come you can still do them to me?

Because in your case, it's true.

That's a good one.

Sharp wit, ma 'am.

nerds better watch it because I'm wise to you too.

Yes, Lisa, we're sorry for the way we slithered.

Yeah, it's our own fault. We shouldn't have let Arnold be such a bad influence

on us.

Me? A bad influence?

If Nancy Reagan had grown up with you, she'd be knocking over banks now.

Well, I'd better get to class. As you know, I'm never late.

Goodbye, my little daffodil.

Sorry about that, Arnold. We won't do that anymore.

Will we, Dudley? Of course not.

When are we going to get it for Christmas?

Look, we've got bigger problems than Christmas.

We've got to sneak in after school and search your solutions back. Right.

If Lisa's experiment blows up during the science fair, she'll know it's us and

we'll be dead meat.

Did anyone happen to notice anything?

Only that when I see you...

The word gorgeous comes screaming to my lips.

Then why am I carrying my own books? Give me that!

No, no!

Okay, the course is clear.

Now let's get these solutions switched and get out of here.

Now, Robbie, you got the signal straight, right?

Yeah, I'd beg on the walker twice if someone's coming. Good.

Let's hurry up because if we get caught in here, we could get expelled.

Expelled? I think I better go help Robbie stand guard. Get back here.

Come on.

Hi, ma 'am. Hi, ma 'am.

We've got to hide. Come on.

I knew this was a bad idea.

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Mother. Lisa, what are you still doing here? You're supposed to be home taking

care of your brothers.

Well, I was on my way home when I saw some students riding their bikes through

the schoolyard.

I tried to give them a warning, but they wouldn't listen.

Here's a list of the offenders.

If they have a checkmark, it means they were doing wheelies, too.

You know I hate it when you tattle on people.

But, Mother, they were also doing something... Lisa, that's enough.

Now, you're 13 years old. I expect you to act like an adult.

You're supposed to help run the house. We made an agreement right after your

father died, didn't we?

Sorry, Mother.

Well, sorry's not good enough.

You should be home by now.

Tonight's laundry night, and you have to give me a hand. You know I have lesson

plans to do.

I'm really angry with you, Lisa.

But, Mother.

That's enough.

Now, come on. I'll give you a ride home.

Let's go, Lisa.

Did you hear that?

Lisa's mother doesn't like to hear her tattling.

We've been nice to her for nothing.

Don't feel bad, Arnold. I told her she was pretty. I got to sterilize my

Come on, let's switch the solutions and get out of here. Wait a minute.

Who cares what she tells on us now?

Hey, you're right.

We'll leave it for tomorrow night and let it blow up in her face.

You know, this is just great. It really brings back memories of the science

fairs we used to have when I was a student.

Did they have electricity back then?

Of course they had electricity. My lab partner was Ben Franklin.

Hey, Robbie, that looks pretty complicated.

Now, don't let that scare you, Maggie. I took chemistry.

To me, that looks like the molecular structure of an atom, right?

It's the molecular structure of a banana split.

Well, that was going to be my second guess.

What are you doing?

Putting a cherry on top.

Listen,

you jerks. I'm going to have a lot of stuff to carry home afterwards, and I

expect some help.

Lisa, I'd kiss a dead fish before I'd help you.

And that's with the hook still in his mouth.

Knock it off, or I'm telling my mother.

Go ahead.

See if I care.

All right, I'll let you off this time.

May I have everyone's attention, please?

Would you all come over here?

Thank you.

I'd like to welcome you all to this year's science fair.

We'd like to begin with a demonstration of a working volcano by Arnold Jackson.

Thank you.

Volcanoes are formed when molten lava is forced to a crack in the Earth's crust.

And it travels for miles up to the surface where it erupts through the

a volcano, which is actually a mountain. And I'm now about to demonstrate with

this model.

Okay, now.

Everybody stand back.

Right back here.

Here we go.

Okay. So.

Ragu.

and the miracle of crystal.

I hope you all enjoy this, at least those of you who are still awake after

last demonstration.

Now you're all in for a big surprise.

More than you know, Lisa.

By combining these ingredients, I will create a spectacular underwater rock

garden in our glorious school colors.

She thought my experiment stuck.

Poor little thing.

Oh, that's a shame.

Oh, well, they laughed at the Wright brothers, too.

Excuse me. I want to go tell her she can do it again.

In fact, anyone can whose experiment doesn't work.

Leon, start opening up some windows.

All right, we scored.

Yeah, we really got her, Arnold.

Yeah, we sure did.

I thought Arnold's was the best.

But that explosion was the neatest thing in the science fair. Right, Arnold?

Yeah.

Arnold, is something troubling you?

Who, me? No.

I'm fine.

Sam, why don't you go help Pearl fix us some dessert?

But I'd rather stay and try to cheer Arnold up.

We're having ice cream, Sam.

Cheer up, Arnold.

What's on your mind, Arnold?

Well, it has to do with Lisa's project.

Come here, son.

Did you boys have something to do with that?

Yeah, we sabotaged it.

Arnold, why would you do something so terrible?

When you deal with a person like Lisa, terrible's a good place to start.

Dad, she was torturing us.

No, torturing you?

Oh, Dad, ever since her mother became a teacher, she's made us carry her books

and be polite to her, or she's threatened to title on every little

Well, why would she act like that?

Maybe she's spoiled.

Dad, she always smells like that.

You know, I've had it in for her for years.

But I started to really feel bad when she started crying.

Well, you should have.

You destroyed her experiment. You insulted her in front of the entire

That was a very insensitive thing for you to do. Young man, you are grounded.

Thanks for making me feel better, Dad.

Now, Arnold, when a kid acts the way Lisa does, there's always a reason, and

usually starts at home.

Well, she's got no father, and her mother really pushes her hard.

She has to take care of her little brothers and run the whole house.

People like Cinderella and the ugly stepsisters all rolled into one.

I feel for her mother.

It's not easy being a single parent.

You and I can both identify with that.

But, Dad, you raised me, and I turned out great.

Arnold, it's much easier for me. I can afford help, a housekeeper, a chauffeur,

anything else we need.

And since so many of those duties and responsibilities fall on Lisa's

it can't be easy for her.

Now, Arnold, I want you to think of some way that you can make this up to Lisa.

Well, I guess I could start by being a lot nicer to her.

Nah. Arnold?

All right, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Uh,

uh, excuse me, Mrs. Hayes? Yes, Arnold, what is it?

Um...

I wanted to talk to you about, uh... Uh, your new skeleton.

What about it, Arnold?

He's a lot better looking than the last one we had.

Personally, I think the last one was too skinny.

Arnold, I'm awfully busy.

Now tell me, what's on your mind?

Well, uh... I think there's a problem between you and Lisa.

A problem?

Just maybe none of my business, but I just feel that maybe you're giving her

much responsibility.

You're right, Arnold.

It's none of your business.

There's no problem between Lisa and me.

Well, maybe you don't understand.

You see, Arnold, you're out of line.

Lisa and I get along just fine.

Now, if there's nothing else, I have work to do.

Well, I was just trying to, you know... Goodbye, Arnold.

I'm sorry.

Bye.

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look at lisa yeah

she's been real sad since the science fair Yeah, now she's almost human.

And next we'll hear from Arnold Jackson with a report on the development of

solar energy.

Uh, Mrs. Hayes, I didn't exactly

write my report on solar energy.

What did you write it on?

Tadpoles.

That's close.

Um, I wrote a short story instead.

For science class?

You can kiss your C -minus goodbye.

I hope you have a good reason for this.

Go ahead, Arnold.

Once upon a time, there was a school of tadpoles.

There was a frog who was like the teacher of the school, and she had a

tadpole.

All the other tadpoles called her Jaws.

Now, this daughter tadpole was different from the rest of the school because the

frog who ran the pond made her do grown -up things.

She had to clean the pond, vacuum the lily pads, and feed the baby tadpole.

Now, while all the other tadpoles were having fun, she had to start doing grown

-up frog things, which made her even uglier than she had been.

Now, a good -looking tadpole tried to point this problem out to the frog.

but she just didn't fit.

I mean, a good -looking tadpole. We get the point, Arnold.

Right. So this poor little daughter tadpole was forced to leave tadpolehood

become a frog before her time.

Thank you.

Thank you, Arnold.

Nice,

Arnold.

Class dismissed.

Bye, Robbie.

Bye,

Dudley. Well, I guess that just proves what I've been telling you. I mean,

that just the stupidest report you ever heard?

I think not, Lisa.

I'm going to give him an A.

See you at home.

Uh, Lisa, this is not easy for me, but I have to make a confession.

It's kind of my fault that your crystal rock garden blew up.

What? I, uh, sabotaged it.

Well, Arnold, I'm really touched that you'd admit something like that. There

aren't many people brave enough to be that honest.

You're not mad?

Of course not.

Now

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