Original subtitles

And after all

Mr. Steve for helping me out with all my fun facts. And I would like to thank

Wildlife Conservation Society for having us. Thank you guys at home very much

for watching. Keep some blessings for y 'all. Enjoy the rest of your day. I'm

out.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum.

What might be right for you?

May not be right for some.

One man is born. He's a man of means.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes. But they got different strokes to take.

Different strokes to take.

Different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody.

Hold still. I don't want to stick you. Okay.

Ah! I didn't hold still.

Pearl, have you ever considered hemming dresses at the blood bank?

Well, it's worth all the pain if this dress helps you win senior class queen

next week.

Think of the honor. Think of the prizes. A new set of luggage, a whole new

wardrobe, and an intimate dinner for two at the Melody Lanes.

Oh, that sounds like a very romantic place.

Not really. It's a bowling alley.

I hear the gutter ball souffle is excellent.

Can't wait to try it.

Well, the only reason I'm in the contest is because all the proceeds go to

charity. Oh, I know. I already got my ticket.

Oh, you did?

Hey,

look, everybody. We found it.

That chess set was downstairs in the basement.

It's very old.

I'm afraid it's missing a few pieces.

It belonged to my great -grandfather, who I'm afraid was also missing a few

pieces.

Dad, if it's missing pieces, how are you going to teach me to play?

I'll improvise.

We'll fill in with salt and pepper shakers. You'll be a well -seasoned

How are the alterations coming, Pearl?

Oh, so -so.

Boy, the epidemic of bad jokes around here.

I think you both need a shot of punicillin.

What do you think, fellas?

Oh, you look absolutely beautiful.

You've come a long way, baby.

Oh, Willis. Look at this.

My son, the head waiter.

Come on, seriously, how do I look?

Rented.

Well, I think he looks gorgeous.

Oh, thank you, Pearl.

Obviously, your good taste hasn't been affected by a family of crumb bums.

Willis, I have a nice little boutonniere that will look perfect on this tuxedo.

Oh, I'm going to go and get my camera. I would love to take a picture of my two

beautiful children.

As long as you had it, why don't you take one to Willis, too?

Willis, how come you didn't text to go to the Letterman's Club banquet?

Oh, because it's a big deal. I mean, they invited guys from every Letterman's

Club in the city.

No, Willis, I didn't realize the Letterman's Club had all those great

benefits or I would have joined a long time ago.

You joined?

Kimberly, you've got to be kidding.

Why? I'm on the swim team. I've earned a letter.

Kimberly, Kimberly, my dear silly little sister.

In case you haven't noticed, the name of the club is Letter Men, not Letter

Women.

In other words, I can't join because I'm a girl. She catches on quick. She's no

dummy.

You know, Willis, I'm sick and tired of you and your friend's patronizing

attitude about girls and sports.

Stupid, chauvinistic, and unfair.

And not by accident. Oh, well, come on. You can't hold it. No, we're one girl.

Please, would you just stand right over here? And if you don't mind, I would

like to get a picture of you with smiles on your faces.

Uh, Dad, I think you better take a picture now and have it touched up

All right, come on now. Try to look loving?

In other words, fake it.

Look, Jim, the club is for guys only.

Those are the rules.

So get off my back.

Well, they're dumb rules, and so are the jerks who made them up. Come on. That's

not a big smile. Put your arms around each other.

Smile,

bad loser.

Look at that club -wise guy.

No way, Goldilocks.

Thanks for the pictures. They're going to look great on the Christmas card. Two

Scrooges.

Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why shouldn't there be girls in the club?

Because they don't belong.

You girls have your own things, like, for instance, the senior class queen

contest. The club is for jocks, not jockettes.

That is the most ridiculous, insensitive attitude I've ever heard, isn't it,

Arnold?

Not necessarily.

I mean, you know, like when us menfolk get together, we always talk about

that don't interest women.

Like what?

Women.

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It's great to see you guys. All right. How you doing? Not too good.

Oh, really?

Well, what's the matter? We got a big problem.

The Letterman's Club is in real trouble.

Are you kidding?

No, you may be the only one who can save us. Hey, me?

Well, all right. Sure, man. I'm your man. What's your problem? Your sister.

Maybe I'm not your man.

You better be, Jackson.

We've got a real crisis here.

Your sister's got a lot of girls all stirred up about joining our club.

She even went to the principal today.

Principal? Yeah, she's a troublemaker. Remember?

Last year, she got girls on the swim team.

What are you gonna do about it, Jackson? Okay, okay. I mean, I'm just her

brother, not her keeper.

Well, you better straighten her out before we get stuck with a bunch of

our club.

Next thing you know, we're gonna be wearing our letters on pantyhose.

Okay, just take it easy. Don't worry about it, man. I've already talked to

and really laid down the law.

Hi, guys.

How do I look?

Kimberly!

What are you doing wearing my letterman's sweater?

Oh, I just wanted to see what it was like to wear one, you know, for when the

girls are in the letter person's club.

You laid down the law, huh?

Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt.

But I left my magazine down here.

What magazine?

Weightlifters Weekly?

No, Women in Sports.

You ought to read it sometime.

Yes, if you can read.

She's saying I can't read or something?

Jetson, you better hurry up and do something about her. And fast. Oh, okay,

okay. Don't worry. Take it easy.

I'll talk to her. Just stay right. Be right back.

Now,

Arnold, remember, chess is a psychological game.

And it's important that you take a very long time before you make each move.

What for?

To make your opponent think you know what you're doing.

I'll get right out of your way. I just wanted to return Willis' sweater.

Sure.

Now, I don't know about chess.

I like checkers.

I mean, all you have to know is red and black. At least you have a 50 -50 chance

of being right.

Chimley, we've got to talk. There's nothing to discuss. There is, too. You

in bed and you came down. Where am I? Oh, so what?

Daddy, what do you think?

I don't know.

Where am I?

Hold on. Count me out, kids.

I'm busy with chess now.

Arnold, let's go down to the kitchen where it's quiet.

Yeah, let's get away from these quibbling siblings.

All right, resume battle stations. Fire at Will. We'll fire at Kim.

Kimberly, why did you have to go to the principal?

Now you've gotten me in trouble with the Letterman's Club.

I'm just doing whatever it takes to get in.

Why do you want to join so badly?

It's a matter of justice.

We have got a right to join if we want to.

Kimberly, do you love me?

Of course I do. Then bug off.

Because if you don't, I'll really pay for this.

Kimberly, I'll be the laughingstock of the whole school.

Sounds good to me.

Okay, Pearl, it's okay.

Sorry to evacuate you, Mr. Drummond, but I can't wax the floor with you two in

the kitchen.

It's perfectly all right, Pearl. It was presumptuous of me to think that I could

go into just any room in my own home.

Why don't we go into my den and see who's in there?

Okay. And if that doesn't work, there's always another room. But the only thing

is we'll get interrupted by the flushing.

Hello there, fellas. I'm Melissa's father. This is his brother.

Hi, nice to meet you.

We'll get right out of your way.

Bad news, guys.

I couldn't do a thing with Kimberly. Sorry.

You don't know what sorry is, Jackson.

Hey, come on. It bugs me as much as it does you.

This girl sure wouldn't like it if we tried to get in one of their clubs.

they'd really trip.

Hey, wait a minute. Maybe that's it.

What's it?

What I just said.

What if we tried to get in one of their clubs?

See, when they see how ridiculous it is, they'll stop trying to get in our club.

That's a great idea.

Sounds good. Now, wouldn't it be funny if a guy entered the contest for senior

class queen?

That would be hysterical. We just have to find the guy to do it.

Who could we get?

Yeah, who could we get?

Oh, no.

No, wait. Get that man here. It's not me.

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Dinner's ready, gang.

You just made my stomach an offer it can't refuse.

What'd you make, Pearl?

Salad and my special lobster surprise.

Lobster? You must have blown the food budget for a whole week.

Nope. The surprise is it's tuna.

Let me help you with your chair, Kimberly.

Thanks, but I don't want to wind up on the floor.

No, I'm not mad at you anymore.

Dad, I thought it over, and she was right.

This is a free country, and she can join any club she wants to. Well, now,

that's very sensible.

I smell a rat.

Yeah, a rat in a short afro.

Kimberly, you could at least give your brother the benefit of the doubt. Yeah,

don't be so suspicious.

Would you like some salad, Arnold?

Yes. Sure, here you go.

Say, um...

Have you heard? There's a new contestant running for the senior class queen.

Really? Who?

Me. We're talking about Willis.

Very funny, Willis. I'm serious.

The Letterman's Club is sponsoring me.

Looks like Pearl's going to have to hem a dress for Willis, too.

What in the world would prompt you to do something like that? That's ridiculous.

Yeah, but it's no more ridiculous than Kenley trying to get into our

club. If she'll back down, we'll back down. Oh, so that's your game.

I knew you had something up your girdle.

Well, if the principal of your school finds out about this, he'll have a thing

or two to say to you. Oh, no, we already checked it out with him. And there's

nothing in the rules that says a guy can't enter the contest.

You think you're going to make a shambles out of this whole thing, but

the one who's going to look like a fool.

She has a point, Willis. You're going to look rather silly up on the stage in a

pair of high heels and off -the -shoulder gown.

What are you going to do, wear false eyelashes and stuff sweat socks in your

bra?

No, I don't want to overdo it, Arnold.

I'll just borrow one of Kimberly's bras.

Oh, Pearl.

As long as you're selling Kimberly's gown, do you think you could fix this

sweater for me?

I've worn another hole in the elbow.

I fixed that sweater five times already.

Mr. Drummond, you have a few bucks. Why don't you give that sweater to the

Goodwill? I don't think they'd take it.

I'll buy a new sweater. I'll give that to the Goodwill.

Couldn't you do something about it, please?

It's my favorite. It's my security sweater.

Well, I'll tell you, Linus. How would you like a night sleeveless model?

Well, that's a thought. I don't want to put you into too much trouble, though.

Oh, no trouble at all.

Ah.

I'm glad I didn't ask you to fix a hole in the seat of my pants.

Don't worry. It'll look real preppy when I'm done. And these will be great leg

warmers.

Man,

what a day.

Hi, Dave.

Oh, hi, Arnold. What's the problem?

Well, if that's a problem, Dad, can't you talk him out of this senior class

thing?

Well, what's that got to do with you?

Well, one blabbermouth at school has a brother that goes to school with Willis.

So now everybody knows he's running for senior class queen, and I'm taking all

the heat. Oh, come on, Arnold.

I'm sure you can take a little ribbing.

It can't be all that bad.

Are you kidding?

Today at school, a guy asked if you could carry my books.

He was bigger than me, so I let him.

Well, if it's any consolation to you, Willis tells me that they've been

him at his school, too.

Dad, wouldn't it be a lot easier if he just dropped out of the contest? Talk to

him. I already have. His mind is made up.

Look, I don't know whether he's right or wrong, but if he goes through with

this, he's got incredible guts.

Of course, his legs are another story.

Oh, let's get out of here before these two turkeys get their feathers in an

uproar.

And we're not fighting anymore.

In fact, we're being very civil to each other. Right.

If this jerk wants to make a fool out of himself, let him.

Hey, get ready for dinner, kids.

Pearl's made a delicious lasagna.

That's for me.

Not for me.

I'll just have salad.

Gotta watch my waistline for the contest.

I think he's going upstairs to pluck his eyebrows.

Final judging.

The bathing suit competition.

Since I'm head of the math department, it makes sense that I should make this

introduction.

I've always been good at figures.

But I'm funnier than he is.

Better laugh it up, kids.

Remember I'm the guy who hands out the report cards?

Vicki James.

Thank you, Vicki.

Next, Miss Irma Elsie.

Very nice.

And next, Miss Kitty Lee.

Miss Kimberly Drummond.

That's my daughter.

And now the last contestant, and one who gives a new meaning to the word

curvaceous, Mr.

Willis Jackson.

That's his other daughter.

For our senior class folks, let's get to know a little bit more about our

contestant, huh?

Vicki, what's your goal in life?

Well, I'd like to get married and have kids and be the best darn housewife I

be. Oh, that's very admirable.

Boring, but admirable.

What about you, Irma?

I want to be a career officer in the United States Marines.

Huh? Anything wrong with that?

No.

What about you, Kitty? What do you want to accomplish in life?

I would like to end world hunger and get a jacuzzi.

What about you, Kimberly?

I'd like to make the world a better place. Oh.

By killing my brother.

Touching sentiment.

And what about you, Willis?

What's your goal in life?

To be what no man has ever been before.

Miss Universe.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

The moment we've all been waiting for. Who will be this

year's senior class queen?

Well, seniors have cast their ballots.

And may I have the envelopes, please?

The second runner -up

is Miss Kitty...

The first runner -up is Miss Kimberly Drummond!

And

now,

ladies and gentlemen, Garfield High's new

senior queen.

And she is Willis Jackson.

beauties. He took the town by surprise with his hall of arrogance.

He faced his eyes and here he is walking on air.

He is the Baroness of the Fair. He is Mr.

Garfield.

Hi.

I couldn't believe it.

It was great to do it. I think I'm going to win.

Well, if this is ridiculous, how could you possibly have won?

Simple. I got all the guys' votes, and you girls put the rest four ways.

Oh, now, don't be bitter, Kimberly.

You were first runner -up.

Listen, should I be unable to fulfill my duties as queen, the crown shall be

passed to you.

I'd like to crown you. You ruined the whole pageant. Yeah.

That was quite an experience.

You look absolutely beautiful, honey. I don't quite know what to say to you,

son. This is one occasion Hallmark doesn't have a card for.

Well, Dad, I did what I set out to do.

Yeah, you made a complete fool of yourself.

No, Otto. I proved that it was silly for me to be in this contest and that

there's some territory that still belongs to men only and some that belong

women. Uh, not anymore, Willis.

Say what?

Well, I just talked to the principal and...

Well, he informed me that since Willis has broken the sex barrier, from now on,

all school activities will be open to both boys and girls.

Oh, right!

Does that include the Letterman's Club, Mr. Havemeyer?

I don't see why not.

Oh!

Man, you mean I'm worth through all this trouble for nothing.

Not for nothing, Willis. You want a subscription to Glamour magazine and a

with the captain of the football team.

Oh, and there's one thing more, Willis. What's that, Dad?

I want that young man to have you home by midnight.

Different strokes can make.

Different strokes can move the world if it doesn't take.

Different strokes can move the world.