Original subtitles

with an atrium or a courtyard for an Indian museum.

What do you think of that, Chief?

There's only one thing I don't like about that idea.

What's that?

That I didn't think of it.

That was terrific, Dad.

Great idea.

Hey, Dad, you must be the one who put the pow in powwow.

What do you say, Cliff?

What about the cost of adding the museum? That's not covered by our

Well, my company will pick up the tab for that. It's deductible.

Think about it, Cliff. Either way, you're going to get your office

And for settling in a potentially explosive situation without violence,

might even get a commendation.

And you'll have three kids who really think you're the greatest.

Well, that's an offer I can't refuse.

Okay, Chief, it's a deal. All right!

Well,

I guess you can call off your people and your hunger strike now, Chief.

Yes. As the wise man once said, there's a time to fast and a time to gorge. Who

is the wise man?

Me.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Let's get in that kitchen and start gorging.

The world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you

may not be right for some. A man is born. He's a man of ease.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes.

But they got different strokes of things.

Different strokes of things.

Different strokes of the world. Different strokes of the world.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

One man is born, he's a man of means.

Then along come two, they got nothing but the genes. But they got different

strokes to take, different strokes to take, different strokes to move the

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot.

So what? I'll have theirs, you'll have yours, and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine for the day.

Different strokes to move the world. Different strokes to move the world.

Here we go.

Come on, baby.

Six. One.

You owe me $2 ,000 rent, turkey.

Thanks a lot, Scrooge.

Well, that wipes me out.

Give me a bottle of Ripple and I'm ready for Skid Row.

That makes two of us, Arnold. I'll see you in the flop house.

Gee, Willis, you sure are lucky at Monopoly.

What do you mean lucky?

Well, then Dylan just comes nacho to me.

So does kissing yourself in the mirror.

Hi, kids.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, and it's freezing out there. You know, it's starting to snow.

For a minute there, I thought you had a bad case of dandruff.

I don't know. I thought you had to have hair to have dandruff.

Who's winning?

Well, it's creamed us again.

Hey, what can I say?

Even when I was a baby, I was a high roller in my little stroller.

I guess you're just a chip off the old block.

Yeah, except the block is white and the chip is black.

You know, Dad, I made a fortune.

But I could have made more money if I owned condominiums instead of houses.

That is right, Willis.

Is that what the big bread is?

Not just the bread, the whole bakery.

Matter of fact, our company is just starting now to tear down an old

house. We're going to put up some beautiful new condominiums, which the

needs very badly.

Oh, that's a great idea, Dad. The city ought to give you a medal.

Oh, let's not go overboard. A small parade would do.

Money will never change you. You never get any funnier.

But he'll get richer from all those condos he's putting up.

Terrific! Dad, you make it, I'll show you how to spend it.

Would you guys like to see a sketch of what the new 36 -story building's going

to look like? Yeah, sure, Dad.

Good, because I was going to show it to you anyway.

Be right back. Okay.

You guys want to play another game of Monopoly? On one condition.

What's that?

That you go directly to jail and stay there.

I'll get it.

Oh, hello.

Is this the Philip Drummond residence?

Yes, it is.

Well, my name is Mrs. Martinson, and it's very important that I speak to Mr.

Drummond. Is he home?

Sure, come on in.

Oh, thank you. It's freezing outside.

Hi, I'm his daughter, Kimberly.

And these are my brothers, Willis and Arnold.

where the big financial wizard lives.

I guess you've heard about me.

Well, just as I expected.

Wall to wall rich.

You could hold a war in this place.

Don't think we haven't.

Uh, Mrs. Martinson, why don't you have a seat and I'll go get my father.

Yes. Tell the executioner he has company.

The executioner?

That's what we call him.

Who's we?

The tenants he threw out into the street.

New York's answer to the boat people.

Dad would never do a mean thing like that.

Our dad never gets mean. Except when I polish my shoes with his electric

toothbrush.

Oh, you're adorable.

Oh, Mrs. Martinson, there must be some mistake about my father.

No, dear. There's no mistake.

Your father is tearing down our building and I got thrown out.

Instead of an apartment with a view of the street, I've got a street with a

of the apartment.

Oh, I see. We have company.

Uh, yes, Dad. This is Mrs. Martinson. She used to live in that apartment

building you're tearing down.

Oh, very nice to meet you.

I guess you want first crack at one of those new condominiums.

No, I want first crack at your head.

I beg your pardon? She says she's got no place to live because you gave her the

old heave -ho.

Dad, you wouldn't heave her ho, would you?

Well, I don't understand that. We didn't throw anybody out. As I'm sure you

know, we offered every tenant first choice if they want to buy one of the

condominiums. What are you, a comedian?

Where would I get $200 ,000?

$200 ,000?

And up. With up, you get a bathroom.

Now, Mrs. Martinson, I'm sure you'll agree that in Manhattan today, that

represents a very fair price.

Sure. Our dad's not in business to lose money, you know.

Listen to him, son of executioner.

Gee, Dad, isn't there anything you can do to help?

Yeah, come on, Dad.

You're taking all the fun out of being rich.

Mrs. Martinson, I understand your situation. I really do.

But our company's done everything we can do.

Oh, sure you have.

No, no, no, it's true. We even hired a rental agent to help you tenants get

relocated. She only found one apartment that I could afford.

Why didn't you take it?

Because she took it herself.

How come it's so hard to find an apartment?

Because people like your father are not building rentals anymore.

Just condominiums.

So they can make a fast buck. Look, I am very sympathetic to your problem.

But I would just like to know how you expect me to help you, madam.

Madam? If I were a madam, I could afford two condominiums.

Oh, I'm very sorry, children. I didn't mean to use that kind of language in

front of you. Oh, that's okay. We've heard worse words than that. Yeah, we

cable television.

Now, Mr. Martinson, how about your relocation allowance? We gave every

generous amount of money to help them move.

I used up all the allowance.

This isn't the good old days when a dollar was worth 50 cents.

Well, I wish I could help you, but I'm afraid I'm not a real estate agent.

So I'd appreciate it if you'd leave now.

Would you mind doing that, please?

Please, he says.

Attila the Hun with manners.

All right.

I'll go.

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Will you guys stop looking at me like that?

I am still the same father you were crazy about Christmas morning, you know.

Look, Dad, I know you can't be responsible for everybody.

But I really feel sorry for her.

Yeah, me too, Daddy. She seems so desperate.

Dad, if you have to knock down a building, why don't you leave hers alone

knock down my school?

What do you think you're doing?

I'm moving in.

What? You can't do that.

Oh, yes, I can.

I've got no more money. And until you find me a place to live, I am staying

right here.

As long as I need a roof over my head, it just may as well be one with a

chandelier.

Well, this is preposterous.

Kids, you can start calling me Aunt Bernice.

Hi, Aunt Bernice.

Don't call this weird woman your aunt.

Your aunt's a different weird woman.

And I'm not about to take an attendant.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Drummond. I won't steal your towels.

And I don't snore, and I don't walk in my sleep.

That's good, Dad, because I won't bump into her when I'm running to the

bathroom.

I can't take in every stranger that comes through the door.

But you took me and Arlen, and we were strangers.

We were even stranger than this lady.

Oh, Dad, she has no place to go, and you said it is freezing out there.

Well, I'd really like to help you, Mrs. Martinson. I'll tell you what. I'll foot

the bill for your motel for the next few nights. Oh, no. No way. No more motels.

I want a home.

Even if it is only for one night.

Come on. Let her stay just tonight, Dad.

Please, Dad.

For us, Daddy.

Give me a break, Daddy.

Well, all right.

You can stay tonight.

But you've got to leave first thing in the morning. And no fuss.

Now do I look like the kind of woman who would make a fuss?

Just stopped by to say goodnight, kid. Night, Dad. Night, Dad.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What is the matter here?

Well, we were just talking about Mrs. Martinson.

We really feel sorry for her, Daddy.

Dad, if being in your business means kicking people out of their homes...

I don't know if I want to take it over someday.

Well, it's your overreacting to this thing.

Yeah, but making money in Monopoly is one thing. But it's different when real

people don't have the money to pay the rent.

After tonight, what's going to happen to that poor, helpless woman?

Everything is going according to plan, Doreen.

Yeah.

Stand by for the fireworks tomorrow. I'm really going to fuck it to them.

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Come on, sugar, let me know.

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Gee, I wonder how late you'll sleep.

Why don't you ask her?

Morning, Anthony.

Good morning.

We didn't mean to wake you up.

Oh, you didn't wake me.

I was just lying here thinking.

You know, you look pretty good in the morning.

Thank you.

Poor woman your age.

I spoke too soon.

Would you like some breakfast?

Oh, no, thank you, Kimberly.

I don't want to take any of your father's food. That's very sweet, but I

my own.

Seven grain cereal, a bowl, and bran.

Good morning, everybody.

Good morning, Dad. Good morning, Daddy.

I want to make some powdered milk.

What do you charge for water?

Mrs. Martinson, you're really more than welcome to eat breakfast with us. Yes,

and you don't have to worry about the tipping.

No, thanks.

Maybe tomorrow.

What?

Tomorrow?

Now, wait a minute.

Last night you said you'd be leaving today.

Well, last night I was homeless and desperate.

This morning I have a lovely couch on Park Avenue.

Oh, no, you don't.

Now, you promised that if I let you stay overnight, you'd leave first thing this

morning. Now, you've gone back on your word. I want you out of here and right

now. Oh, boy, you're all hard, aren't you?

Next thing, you'll be calling the police.

Well, why don't you do that?

Why don't you go ahead? Call the police. Dial it. It's 911.

All right, that's just what I'll do.

You don't think I'll do it, do you?

I'm picking up the phone.

I'm dialing.

Hello, operator, get me the police, please.

They'll be answering in a second, and they'll come and take you to jail.

Well, at least there I can afford the rent.

I think he means it, Mrs. Martinson. Yeah, you don't want to get busted.

All right, you give me no choice.

Hello?

Is this the police department?

Well, I think you guys are doing a great job.

No guts, huh?

All right.

I will call the police myself.

Why would you do that?

You'll find out.

Let me speak to Doreen.

I thought you were calling the police. Who's Doreen?

You'll find out.

Doreen, I'm at the executioner's house.

Call the police and activate plan B.

What's plan B?

You'll find out.

Hold it!

Hold it!

One at a time.

Lady, would you please let go of the banister?

No, I'm not moving.

See, look, I don't understand this. You called the police yourself. Now, why do

you fight them?

Because I'm not moving.

Lady, be reasonable.

You can't walk into somebody's house and decide to live there.

Please let go of the banister. Uh -huh, uh -huh. Police brutality, huh? Go

ahead, go ahead. Subdue me with a chokehold. Lady, lady, I haven't touched

You see how unreasonable she is? No, I don't care what you do to me, but I am

not budging.

Now I'm budging.

That's got to be plan B. What's plan B?

You'll find out.

You don't mind.

This is still my house.

Or at least it was till you showed up.

Are you Mr. Drummond? Yes.

Aren't you the guy that does television interviews, Tom Wallace?

That's how I sign my alimony checks.

That's him.

That's the guy that always smiles while he insults you.

I see I have another fan.

Tom, Tom, I'm Bernice Martinson, and that's him.

You must be the executioner.

And you must be more careful what you call me.

Are you going to do one of your penetrating, in -depth interviews with

Oh, I get it now. You're trying to set me up.

Sure, you want this whole thing on television.

Police help millionaire throw penniless woman into street where it's freezing

and snowing.

I like that. I'll use it.

You're not going to make a scapegoat out of me, Wallace.

Mrs. Martinson, I'm afraid you have to leave right now.

Violence against the elderly. You see that? Get a shot of that, Tom. Are you

getting a shot of this? Get a shot.

All right, let's start taping. Mrs. Martinson, if you'll come back here with

Felicia, roll tape.

Wait a minute. Wait, I haven't given you permission to do this. Look, you take

your crew and your camera and you get out of here. Mr. Drummond, I'd like to

you a few questions. Turn that thing off.

You refuse to be interviewed?

Oh, I know what your interviews are like. I've seen them. I'll end up

like a villain.

Well, let me just ask you one simple question.

Yeah, what?

What are you trying to hide?

You see, you're doing it already. Turn that thing off.

Oh, sure. You're afraid you'll be exposed.

No, he isn't. Go ahead, Dad.

Expose yourself.

All right, Mr. Drummond, we've already got you on tape refusing to be

interviewed. Now, do you want that to go out on national television, or do you

want a chance to tell your side of the story, too?

Oh, boy. You got me between a rock and a hard place.

All right.

I'll do it. But you've got to be fair and objective.

Moi?

No, I mean it. If you don't promise to be fair and objective, I won't do it.

got it. Okay.

Well,

I guess you don't need us anymore.

Mrs. Martinson, if you'll come sit at this end of the couch, please. And

children, if you'll gather around.

Gee, I wish I would have known I was going to be on television.

I would have fixed my makeup.

I need a voice level, Tom.

You're gorgeous, you're sexy, and you're underpaid.

Beautiful, Tom.

Here's rolling.

You're on, Tom.

Mondo Condo. The world of condominiums.

This morning, we're in the home of Philip Drummond, a wealthy building

as you can see by this luxurious home.

And this is Bernice Martinson.

A penniless victim who was evicted from her tiny apartment by this man whom she

calls the executioner.

You call that fair and objective?

Oh, I'm sorry about that. Would you prefer slumlord?

That was very sneaky, Mr. Wallace.

Sneaky, but a good one.

Now, can I tell my side of it, Tom? I haven't told my side yet.

This is the beginning of something like family feud.

Except I don't think... My dad is going to kiss anybody.

All right, Mr. Drummond, how do you see this issue?

Okay, it's very simple.

This woman used to live in an old eight -story apartment building.

Now, we're going to tear that down and build a lovely new 36 -story building.

I see.

You kicked her out to make a fast buck.

Not at all. The people of the city need housing.

The new building will accommodate ten times the number of people that the old

building did.

And you're building luxury condominiums.

Well, yeah, what do you expect me to build? Luxury tenements?

How about putting up some housing that people can afford?

Mr. Drummond, you cannot understand what it is like to try to live on a fixed

income today.

My husband rested, though.

Thought that his pension was going to be enough for both of us.

But he was wrong.

When he was sick, the medical bills just wiped us out.

Oh, we lived in that apartment for many years, and we were so happy there.

You have a wonderful family, Mr. Drummond, and all I have are memories.

But unfortunately, I can't live on those.

Inflation is a killer.

I know people who are eating cat food.

Cat food, Mr. Drummond.

No, thank you.

So it's the same old question.

What's it going to be?

People or profits?

Mrs. Martinson, I am very touched by what I've just heard.

I guess when you're in a business like mine, you're kind of on a treadmill,

trying to keep stockholders happy by showing a profit, trying to... Help out

community.

So it just boils down to numbers and statistics.

You hope you're doing the right thing.

But it's all too easy to lose sight of the fact that there are people behind

those statistics.

Then you're not going to tear down the building.

Well, I'm afraid I have to do that.

What are you talking about, Dad?

Let me finish.

I couldn't stop this building project now even if I wanted to.

Everything is in motion.

But I promise you this, Mrs. Martinson.

You will have an apartment and with monthly payments that you can afford.

But I don't want to live in Libya.

No, I mean one of the new condominiums.

Dad, she just told you she can't afford it.

Oh, yes, she can if I have to give her a mortgage for a hundred years.

And if I know you.

You'll be around to make the last payment.

All right, Dad.

Oh, imagine.

Me, a homeowner.

Oh.

She just kissed the executioner.

You're wonderful, Daddy. I'm so proud you're my daddy.

Me too, Dad.

But what about the next building you knock down?

What's going to happen to those people?

Well, I wish I had a simple answer to that, Willis.

Maybe when you kids grow up and take over the business, you'll find a

to that.

We'll try, partner.

We sure will, partner.

Speak for yourselves.

I don't think I want all those business headaches.

I think I'll take my pension early, like when I'm 12.

Oh, this is so beautiful.

Did you get it all on tape, Tom?

Did I get it all on tape?

Mrs. Martinson, when that little red light on the camera goes on, why isn't

little red light on?

I got so carried away, I forgot to hit the switch again, Tom.

Sorry. Well, how much did you get?

Up until where the kid says, what you talking about, Dad?

Man, he sure talks funny.

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some. For many a boy needs a better beat.

Then along comes two.

They have nothing but the genes that they got.

Different strokes to make.

Different strokes to make.

Different strokes to move the world. If it doesn't take.

Different strokes to move the world.

You know, Ma, I usually don't complain about your food, but this meatloaf

wouldn't cut it as dog food.

Uh, Eddie, that's tuna loaf.

All right, cat food.

Well, don't worry about it. You'll never have to eat it again.

Am I gonna die?

No, I got Simone to come back as the chef.

That lunatic? Why?

Because I need her, and she's good for business. Besides, I got her seeing a

therapist, and it's working.

Malcolm, you know how thrilled I am to be back at your side.

However, I will not work under fluorescent lights. They are sucking the

nutrients of my vegetables. I feel like I've betrayed my artichokes and lied to

my broccoli.

Must have been one of them discount therapists.

They just won't leave you alone while you sit inside your home.

a genius, man. Check it.

Half the menu was written in French.

Look at this. Used to get $1 .99 when it was a pancake, charge $8 and call it a

crate.

Guess having a lunatic on the payroll comes in handy.