Original subtitles

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for

you may not be right for some.

A man is born, he's a man of need. Then along come two, they got nothing but

the genes. But they got different strokes to take, different strokes to

different strokes to move the world.

Everybody's got a special kind of story.

Everybody finds a way to shine.

It don't matter that you got not a lot. So what? I'll have theirs and you'll

have yours and I'll have mine.

And together we'll be fine. Different strokes to move the world. Different

strokes to move the world.

Here's your check, kid.

Thanks.

You want anything else, Vanya?

No, thanks. So what do I owe? old buddy? Well, let's see. You had the half

-order of french fries and the cherry cola.

That's 63 cents.

But you ate half of my half -order.

Did I give you some of my hamburger?

Yeah, but you held on to it so tight. All I got was a little hamburger and a

of finger.

You almost bit my thumb off with that big mouth of yours.

Bella, who went?

It's okay. Here's 63 cents.

What about the tip?

Oh, yeah, all right. Here's 65 cents.

See you tomorrow.

What a cheapskate.

He should have left at least a nickel.

Here's my share, including the tip.

Thanks, Diane.

Diane,

the next time the three of us come here after school, how about making it just

the two of us? What do you mean?

Well, we've known each other for two whole semesters, and we've never really

been alone. together.

We're alone now.

Only because nobody's with us.

What I mean is, why don't we go out on a real date sometimes, like grown -ups?

When grown -ups go out on a real date, they don't go to a hamburger place after

school. They get dressed up and go out at night, like on TV.

You mean like in that TV commercial where the girl wears a beautiful gown

the guy wears a tuxedo and they come out of a big, fancy hotel and get into a

Rolls Royce?

Yeah. Would you settle for designer jeans and a skateboard?

I might.

And another thing.

A real date is where one person pays for the other.

Which one?

Usually the man.

But with women, it could be either.

Not in my case.

So, would you go out on a real date with me?

If I asked you?

If you ask me.

I'm asking.

I'm thinking.

Could you give me a little hint?

Sure. It'll either be yes or no.

Jeez, thanks.

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Hi, kid.

Hey, Dad.

Is Arnold home yet?

Nope, not yet.

You know, it seems to me that he's been coming home late from school quite often

recently. I know why. He's been hanging out after school with that cute little

Diane Wilson.

Arnold, how come you're so late?

Oh, well, I'll tell you.

The weather was so nice, I walked real slow, communicating with the joys of

nature. Arnold, by any chance, would one of those joys of nature be a foxy

little mama named Diane Wilson?

How did you know about Diane Wilson?

Has Rona Berry been shooting her mouth off?

Just because you've got a girlfriend, you don't have to be embarrassed.

Oh, I'm not embarrassed. And she really won't be my girlfriend until we come out

of a fancy hotel together.

I beg your pardon?

I mean, we haven't gone on a real date. Like on a TV commercial.

Like grown -ups.

Aren't you a little young to be talking about going on a date?

I didn't go out on my first date till I was 40.

If I wait till I'm that old, Diane will be married. I'm not going out on my

first date with a married woman.

Arnold, Dad was just kidding.

Where's your sense of humor?

When you fall in love, that's the first thing that goes.

I asked her for a date, and she's thinking about it. I think I've got at

definite maybe.

Arnold, if you'd like some advice from an older woman, get a yes or an oh out.

Yeah, take it from an expert.

Cool dudes don't take maybe for an answer.

Stop pressuring him, you two.

Arnold's got a lot of time before he has to start thinking about going out on

dates. Daddy, and where have you been?

You know, kids these days are starting to date much younger than they did in

your day.

Oh, well, we had to be older before we could date.

In case it rained, we had to be strong enough to put the top up on the covered

wagon.

I've got to dictate a letter to a machine.

Hey, Arnold, why don't you call her?

Yeah, I'll go and call her.

But what if she turns me down?

I could be scarred for life.

Look, Arnold, you've already got a definite maybe.

Flatter her and you'll get a definite yes.

Yeah.

I mean, dazzle her like I do. Say, hey, baby, this is sweet Willis.

You need to say, how about a date with a bad mate?

Try it. It's easy.

Okay.

Watch out, Diane.

I'm dialing my way into your...

broccoli until I heard you spell it.

So, how about our date tomorrow night?

Is it yes or is it no?

She said yes!

She said yes!

She said yes!

That's fine, Diane.

Bye.

I got my first official date!

Hey, isn't that great?

Hey, Dad, Arnold just landed his first date.

Landed? What is she, a mermaid?

Arnold, did you sweet -talk Diane Wilson into going out with him tomorrow night?

Night?

Oh, wait a minute. I thought you meant in the afternoon.

No, Dad.

A real date is at night.

You mean to tell me that Diane's parents said that that'd be all right?

Her parents are cool. They know where it's at.

Yeah, well, I know where it's not going to be.

Hello?

I'll show you just a minute.

Arnold, a certain foxy young lady just can't keep her voice off me.

Hello? Oh, hi, Diane.

What?

Well, why don't you change your mind?

Oh, your mother changed it for you.

Yeah, I'm having the same problem here, Diane.

Sorry. By the time they let us date, I can blow my whole Social Security check

on you.

Yeah, bye.

I would say that Diane has very sensible parents.

Growing up would be a lot easier if it wasn't for grown -ups.

Hey, wait a minute, Arnold.

Dad, suppose somebody older went along with him on their date.

Well, now that makes more sense.

And I just happen to be available the more night.

Oh, Dad, you can't be serious.

My first real date and my father tagged along?

You think Hugh Hefner's father went along on his first date?

Well, you're not going to go out at night without a chaperone. I'm sorry,

Arnold. No, Dad.

I mean, I'll go along with Arnold. Come on, what do you say?

Well, an older brother is only a shorter version of a father.

Arnold, I'm not talking chaperone.

I'm talking you and me on a double date.

Double date?

You mean like you and me in two squeezes?

You got it, Big Spender.

Well, that sounds like a very good compromise.

And Arnold...

If it's all right with Diane's mother, it's all right with me.

But I don't want you to stay out too late.

Now, you'll be home by 10 o 'clock.

10 o 'clock?

Dad, things don't get cooked until midnight.

You just have to turn off your burner a little early.

It worked out okay, huh?

Well, I guess going out with you is better than nothing.

Thanks for the compliment.

tomorrow night. And is that okay?

And tell her even though I never met her, I think she's adorable.

A little flattery works every time.

I'll try to remember that.

I gotta figure out which one of my babes to call tomorrow night.

What about your girl Charlene?

Oh, Charlene's not talking to me on account of the name I called her.

What did you call her?

Janet.

I get a date?

Well, if you're down to the wise, there's nothing left in your little

unless you're willing to date a zebra.

That's just a run of bad luck. I can't believe it.

Everybody's either sick or busy. You can't get a date?

The Billy Dee of Penthouse B?

Anybody can have a dry spell.

Sounds to me like you hit a major drought.

I know somebody you can date. Who?

Kimberly.

Me?

It's a great idea.

I don't want to go out with my brother. I don't want to go out with my sister.

Compared to Zebra, she's a big improvement.

Thank you, Lord Arnold.

Now, come on, you guys. This is for your brother. Nobody's asking you to have a

good time.

Could make that sacrifice.

Are you kidding?

Take my own sister on a date?

Out in public?

If you want your brother to go, you're going to have to help. That's it.

Please?

I guess I don't have any choice.

I don't know when I felt so wanted.

Gee, thanks, guys. I really appreciate this.

Watch out, Diane.

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Dad, would you mind checking me out?

Not at all.

Oh, you look very handsome. I wouldn't change a thing.

Oh, I might just tuck this handkerchief in a little bit. Oh, no, don't.

It's covering the pepperoni spot I made when we went out for pizza.

Very clever.

Dad, since this is my first official date with a woman, I'm a little nervous.

Do you have any advice for me?

Advice? Sure.

Look.

Open the door for her.

Help her off with her coat.

Pull out her chair.

Be sure to push it back before she sits down.

And when you take her home, say thank you and shake her hand.

Shake her hand?

After I blew all that bread on her?

Popcorn for two?

Hamburger and giant fries?

certainly worth a little bit of contact.

Uh, just be a gentleman, Arnold.

Oh, just a minute.

May I take the liberty of offering you an extra five dollars for tonight?

Dad, liberty is what this country is all about.

The movie was really good, Arnold. Did you like it? It was okay.

If these monsters start making out, I lose all respect for them.

Excuse me a minute, Diane.

Uh, Willis. Yeah?

Would you two mind sitting at your own table? So you don't crap my style.

Sure, Arnold. We wouldn't want to give you craps.

Yeah. We'll make sure you get plenty of operating room, lover boy.

That's right.

Diane?

Right through here.

I thought you might like a table for two.

Where it's private.

And close to the restroom.

That's very considerate, Arnold.

Thank you.

This table looks okay.

No, wait!

Allow me.

Thank you.

Here we are on our first date.

Yeah.

Did you say something?

Who, me?

No.

I thought I heard something.

It was my stomach.

You want to have some conversation?

Okay. This is a nice place, isn't it?

We come here all the time.

Oh, but not at night. These lights make you different. You look much older.

Thank you.

And you look much taller.

Thank you.

Whose turn is it?

Yours. Excuse me.

I need help. We just sat down, and I'm already running out of conversation.

Well, what about the movie you just saw?

Talk about that.

That's it.

Thanks, Willis. You're the smartest brother I've got.

Hey, Arnold, then relax. I'm sure Diane is just as nervous as you are.

Nervous? Who's nervous?

many times than I have. It's a snap.

Let's talk about the movie we just saw, okay?

We already did when we came in.

We did?

Excuse me.

Where are you going now?

To wash my hands again.

I think I missed a spot.

You're the cleanest boy I ever met.

Well, cleanliness is next to godliness. I learned that at church.

What's the matter, Arnold?

I forgot.

We already talked about the movie. Give me another idea.

Have you ordered yet?

No. Well, look at the menu and discuss that. That ought to keep you going for a

while. Good idea.

You're going to have a nervous breakdown.

Let's look at the menu.

I'll read to you what's here.

There's shrimp cocktail at $5 .95.

Let's jump down to the soups.

Well, I see the Big Tipper's back, huh?

Are you ready to order? Uh, yeah. Is it okay if I have cheeseburger, french

fries, and a large colada?

Be my guest. I'll have the same.

Also, two banana splits with whipped cream, sprinkles, nuts, and cherries.

Got it.

Oh, that's an awful lot of food.

You're right.

Hold one, Cherry.

How long do you want me to hold it?

Didn't think it was that funny.

I knew our date would be like this.

One big laugh after another one.

Oh, look, there's Dudley.

Hi. Hi.

Dudley, what are you doing here? You're trying to move in on me.

What? I want you to move in with my folks.

See, they're over there.

Okay, if I sit with you. Thanks.

the party at this table are trying to have a date.

Who, you and me?

That's a good one, Dudley.

Isn't it, Arnold?

I think it stinks.

Arnold, you're not being very polite.

Excuse me.

I've never seen anybody so crazy about washing his hands.

Now what? How do you like that? The most important date of my life and my best

friend Dudley moves in on me. Take it easy, Arnold.

Take it easy. She's laughing at his jokes and I'm paying the check.

Look. Bubbly's eating my french fries.

He's filling a girl out of my arms and the food out of my stomach.

There's no problem.

Just go over there and ask him to leave.

But be cool about it. Yes, and be polite too, Arnold.

Be cool? Be polite?

Right.

If I want to give Dudley some of my fries, that's my business. Here, Dudley.

That's three cents, Dudley.

Have another one.

Sure. That's six cents, Dudley.

Try and collect it.

Maybe you'd like some of my sundae, too, Dudley. Sure. Let me help you, Dudley.

I'm beginning to think you don't want me here.

And how did you get that idea?

From an ex -friend.

Arnold, our date is officially over.

What you talking about, Diane?

It's terrible.

Arnold, did you really let Diane go home alone?

Oh, no, Dad. We all walked her home. But Diane refused to walk on the same side

of the street as Arnold.

I yelled over to her that I wanted to apologize, but she made out like she

didn't hear me.

Yeah, but the rest of New York heard him.

I mean, one lady tried to douse him with a pail of garbage.

Dad, I made a total fool of myself.

Son, probably the reason you couldn't handle it is that you're just not ready

date yet. Darn it. There's just too much pressure put on you kids to grow up too

soon.

You just be patient. Your day will come.

How will I know when I'm ready?

Your wife will tell you.

I'd be right for you.

They'd not be right for some. A man in four needs a man of these.

Then along come two.

They got nothing but the genes.

And they got different strokes.

Well, Tim's babysitting his nephews this weekend, and he's bringing them by the

bar. I wonder if them little rugrats look anything like them.

Hello.

Hello.

You know, I see a slight resemblance around the eyes.

Isn't it quite funny, Bob?

I just want to leave you alone.

What you did inside your home?

This is great. My sister is on her way from the airport.

Man, this is the first time she's ever visited me in KC.

Hey, Tim.

Listen, man, you haven't touched those beer nuts.

They're honey roasted. They're your favorite.

All right, this way.

Man, I've never been so frightened in my life.

Oh, what?

Is something bigger than you?

Oh, it's bigger than me, all right. My sister wants me to tell her sons about

the birds and the bees.

Oh, man, if it was only that simple.

I mean, today it's not just the birds and the bees. It's the drugs, the

diseases, the pornography.

Dennis Rodman.

Man, I'm going to run the table the same way you be running your mouth. Just

grab the peanuts. We'll see who's running who.

Just look at them. Like all the men in our family, they're irresistible to the

opposite sex.

Hey, that's because y 'all got a gravitational pull.

Look, Tim, I'm somewhat of a specialist on sex.

I could help you out with this little birds and bees thing.

So I was in the Navy.

Well, thanks, Eddie.

I'm sure their mom would be more than happy to hear that they learned about

facts of life from a sailor.

Way to help.

Man, that was Kim from the swing ship. She called to tell me that I had

feelings in her she'd forgotten she had.

That don't sound that bad.

The feelings were for her old boyfriend. That's bad.

They're getting back together, man. You know, Eddie, that's the last time I ever

date another waitress.

I'm here about the waitress position.

Ooh, you are hired. Let's say we get together tonight and celebrate.

Uh, congratulations there, sweetheart.

You helped him break his old record.

What record?

Asking out a total stranger.

Last record was two seconds.

He is funny.

But were you serious?

Absolutely.

I meant about hiring me.

Oh, yeah, that too.

Listen, this has nothing to do with your getting the job, but why don't you meet

me back here at 8 o 'clock, that table right there, or my apartment, whichever

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Why don't we start out at the table, and then we'll see where things lead.

Look at the groceries on that.

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