All language subtitles for dear_john_s04e12_do_the_wrong_thing

I mean, I can't tell you how
disappointed I was.

I know, John. I'm so sorry I had to
cancel another date on you. But, you

my catering business is really taking
off.

You know, for example, Thursday, I have
a wedding I have to cater. You know, I'm

starting to think the only way we're
going to get to spend an evening

is if I get remarried and you cater it.

Oh, John, I do want to go out with you.
I really do. Good. And I got a surprise.

Two tickets to Miss Saigon.

No. Fifth row on the aisle. No. Next
Saturday night.

No. No.

No, I can't. I have to work. An
anniversary party.

Oh, John.

I'm so sorry.

Yes, so am I.

I'll call you.

You better.

Hey, big John.

Oh, hi, Kirk. Oh, hey, Kirk.

By any chance, would you be interested
in Miss Saigon?

Miss Saigon?

Yes.

You bet I would. How much?

A hundred bucks.

All right.

Tell her to be of my place at nine.

without that jerk. The lousy creep left
me standing at the altar crying my eyes

out. The man made me look like a fool in
front of my entire family.

You think I should call him?

Too pushy, huh?

There you go, Joanne.

That's the first step to feeling better.

Being able to laugh about it. Hey, pal,
you see me laughing?

That's the second step, unloading your
hostility on the nearest man.

Take it, Louise, Mary Beth, anybody.

Joanne, this group can be a real help.

I mean, we can't tell you that you're
never going to experience loneliness or

depression or feel the pain that comes
from a guy just breaking your heart into

a million pieces.

But you do get a cup with your name on
it.

Thank you, Mary Beth, for pointing out
the one -to -one club perk.

Actually, the only reason I'm even here
is to get my mother off my back.

The day after Charlie left me, she
started nagging me to get help.

The man I love leaves me on my wedding
day. And do you know what my mom says to

comfort me?

Joanne, darling, why do you have to take
everything so personally?

She wouldn't let up. I finally made a
deal with her. I told her I would join a

support group and she would take the
plastic off the furniture.

That was three weeks ago. She's up to
the kitchen.

Miss Joanne, it doesn't matter what
brought you here. The important thing is

you're taking the first step toward
helping yourself.

That's right.

You know, when my boyfriend walked out
on me, I was so mixed up and confused.

All I could think of was, how am I going
to kill him?

First I thought I'd shoot him.

Or push him in front of a bus. Or maybe
throw him off a cliff.

But thanks to this group...

I'm not confused anymore.

Now I know exactly how I'm going to do
it.

Well, it's nice to know I'm not the only
one carrying a grudge against the

unfair sex.

What's your story, Mrs. Philbert? What
do you think about men?

Oh, I can take them, or... I can take
them.

Boy, you had a rough deal, Joanne. But,
you know, don't give up on men just

because of one jerk.

No, believe it or not, there are a lot
of nice guys out there.

Hey, late.

What is your problem?

I didn't say you had nice honkers. I
said, are you from Yonkers?

By the way, nice honkers.

Well, well, well.

What have we here?

member, Joanne Singer.

Hello. I'm Kirk Morris.

If there's anything I can do to make you
more comfortable, please let me know.

What the hell is she doing in my chair?

That's my chair!

She's so typical. She's in my chair.
She's touching my stuff.

You men are all so territorial.

Here, why don't you just pee on the leg?

the satisfaction.

Joanne, you're going to learn what we've
all learned.

Suddenly finding yourself alone doesn't
have to be so terrible.

That's right. You see, what Louise means
is you can still lead a rich, full life

even on your own. I mean, take me for
example.

I come home every night at five o 'clock
from work.

I watch the news, do a little reading,
make some dinner, listen to some music,

and before I know it, it's almost...

5 .30.

God, I hate my life.

Hey, I should have known Charlie was
going to leave me at the altar.

You know what he gave me for Valentine's
Day?

Corn cob holders.

I think that's the gift that dreams take
me. I'm yours.

No, it screams, bar me, I'm yours.

You know, it's nice to see you smile.

Look, John, I really want to apologize
for how I acted earlier.

Lately, my friends have been pointing
out I'm a little hostile around men.

Torch one ex -boyfriend's car and right
away you get a rip.

Hey, you like theater?

Sure. Well, I have an extra ticket to
Miss Saigon next Saturday night.

You're kidding. I've been dying to see
that show. I even had tickets, but I

returned them.

You returned tickets to the hottest show
on Broadway?

I had to. They were a wedding present.

Maybe, John. Yeah, sure.

Oh, look at that. I've got to go anyway.

What's the rush?

Oh, I've got to get home. My neighbor's
dog is on Letterman.

Hi,

John. Hey, John just asked me to go see
Miss Saiga.

Joanne, that's wonderful.

All right.

Oh, it's no big deal. It's just a date.

What am I saying?

I've got a date.

Excuse me, everyone.

I just want you all to know I've got a
date.

Thank you very much. Go back to what you
were doing.

Oh, listen, I am dying to know more
about John.

But I guess it wouldn't be right to ask
you guys.

No.

John's our friend. It wouldn't be right
to talk about him behind his back.

Nice guy?

Smashing. Straight? Yes.

Same? Close enough.

Definitely straight.

Promise. Divorced how long?

Four years.

Seeing anyone now? Not really. Not
really? He's got tons of women, but no

special? Or not really? He hasn't done
it since the bicentennial.

Does it matter? Not really. Well, see
you next week.

Where are you going?

I want to get up early and start
shopping for a dress for Saturday.

Oh, what do you have in mind?

Oh, no, just some simple little thing
off the rack that'll turn me into a sex

goddess. Oh, thank you, Louise, for
letting me in the group. I love you.

Bye. Bye.

See ya. I can't believe she said those
three little words.

Marry them.

There's nothing wrong with one friend
saying I love you to another.

No, I mean off the rack.

Oh, John.

Hi, Ellen. Hi, I'm glad I caught you.
Yeah?

Listen, after all the times I canceled
on you, do you still want to go out with

me? Do I still want to go out with you?
Are you kidding? Of course. Yeah? Well,

then we're in luck. My anniversary party
was canceled.

I can go see Miss Daigamichi tomorrow
night. Oh, wow. That's great.

Oh, unless you ask somebody else. Oh,
no, no, no, no, no. I would never ask

anybody else. No?

No. Okay, great. Then, um, so call me
tomorrow and we can make all the

arrangements. Yeah, sure. Okay, great.
Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, this is going to be interesting.

You.

Joanne and Heather squeezed into two
seats on the aisle.

Very dinky.

Oh, come on, come on, Kirk. I'll just
tell Joanne she can't go because I asked

somebody else.

Now, believe me, women understand these
things.

They do.

John, John, John.

My poor dear brain -damaged friend.

What you're going to need is an airtight
excuse. Now, John, my two personal

favorites are the dead grandmother...

And the coup in Guatemala.

But if you want to hedge your bet, you
could always tell her your granny threw

herself on a grenade during the coup,
you know.

Thank you, thank you. But I'm not going
to lie to Joanne.

Yeah,

it's probably just as well. I mean,
you'd never get away with it. Your upper

always sweats when you lie. It does not.
Well, maybe it gets a little moist.

A little moist?

John, you've got the only upper lip that
has a tide.

Well, it was no big deal. Not like
Joanne and I had a real date.

I just happened to have an extra ticket.

Oh, bye, you guys.

All right, ladies. You guys, have a good
time tomorrow night. Don't do anything

I wouldn't do. Yeah, you get her home by
dawn, you hear?

Or don't get her home at all.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking
forward to seeing this show tomorrow

night, John.

Grandma called.

The boat for Guatemala leaves at
midnight.

What's he talking about?

Oh, his grandmother's a travel agent.

I've got to be honest with you, Joanne,
about tomorrow night. Yes?

Well, the truth is, I'm afraid tomorrow
night's out because... I'm sick.

Yeah, I'm sick.

Oh, poor baby. What's wrong? I don't
know. I don't know. It's just sort of a

thing. I mean, I still think I'm very
weak and sort of queasy, you know, and I

think I've got a fever.

Well, you feel okay, but your upper lip
is sweating like crazy.

And then right after the show, we go to
dinner.

A romantic candlelit dinner at the
Rainbow Room.

Oh, John, you are such a classy guy.

You betcha.

We better get going.

It's a long walk to the subway.

No, no, just kidding, just kidding.
We're taking a cab.

Good. Well, listen, I've got to freshen
up. Okay, I'll just put this stuff away.

Great.

Better hurry. We don't want to miss the
curtain.

surprise.

Listen, thanks for stopping by. God
bless you.

I'm not going. You look awful.

I feel awful.

Well, I need some rest. No, what you
need is some chicken soup.

Kitchen in there?

Yes, but no, you don't want to go in
there. No, the place is a mess. Please.

Oh,

John, look, it's no trouble at all. My
mother made that soup.

It's her secret recipe.

She'll tell the bus driver all about her
hysterectomy. Me, she won't tell him

what's in this damn soup.

I'm much too weak to eat any soup. Well,
I'm not leaving until you do.

Well,

don't be a stranger.

Oh, listen.

Better go out this door and take the
service, Eleanor.

The angel of death.

Uh, hello.

Hello.

Um, John, what's going on? Uh, well...
Can I ask you a question?

Sure. You aren't, by any chance, going
to see Miss Zygon tonight, are you?

Why, yes, actually we are.

Well, then I think there's something you
should know about this liar.

He asked me to go first, and then he
told me he was sick.

So he could take you.

What? John, you did that? That's
terrible.

Well, sure, if you're going to say it
like that.

I hope you're happy. You have taken an
already unstable woman and emotionally

crippled her for life.

Enjoy the show!

A lot of fun she would have been at the
theater.

So, shall we go?

John. I think I'll go home. Huh?

I cannot believe I called you a classy
guy.

No, no, no. Oh, come on. Heather. No,
no. Come on. Just give me a chance. Just

give me a chance. Uh, uh, uh, Blaine.

Why do

you always do this to me?

This job will be terrific.

Pizza. I have to be really fast.

If I don't deliver the pizza in 30
minutes, the customer gets it for free

comes out of my salary.

Oh, how's it going?

Great. I haven't had to pay for one
single pizza.

Of course, I do have 200 bucks in
speeding tickets.

Women? Yes, John?

No, I mean women.

Oh.

I asked Joanne out to see Miss Saigon,
so she went out and she got herself a

dress. New shoes, new purse, a manicure,
a pedicure, and a facial.

And just because I stood her up, she
sends me the bill for $682.

It's your own fault, John. I mean, none
of this would have happened if you

killed your grandmother like I told you
to.

John, answer that.

This is incredible.

Tell me about it.

She got a new dress, new shoes, new
purse, a manicure, a pedicure, and a

for only $600.

Marry that woman.

Joe, I may have overreacted a bit, but
you did ask for it. You broke a date. It

wasn't a date. It was more like one
friend asking another friend to share a

mutual activity.

You invited her to the theater on a
Saturday night.

Where I come from, that's a date.

Unless, of course, the guy is gay, a
priest.

For a relative?

I agree.

Who do I?

Me too.

But I'm flexible on the relative part.

Excuse me, everybody. I don't mean to
interrupt the meeting, but this won't

long. John, I want my money.

You're serious?

She's serious. Did you hear that? She's
serious.

Look, I'm sorry about what happened.
John, I want my money. Well, I'm not

to pay you.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

End of discussion. We have nothing
further to say.

You think I'm a jerk? Sue me.

Oh, Max.

Mr. John Lacey? Yes? Here. What's this?

A subpoena. You're served.

Mr.

Lacey.

You've been accused of a breach of
promise regarding a date with Miss

I plead you, sir.

Definitely not guilty.

Your Honor, if I may indulge the court.

Whatever.

I made a few notes.

The battle between the sexes has been
going on since the beginning of man and

woman.

I'm sure that cavemen and cavewomen in
the Paleolithic age, which, by the way,

predates... Mr.

Lacey, would you jump ahead a few
centuries?

Jumping right ahead, sir.

Your Honor,

this case has nothing to do with money.

Here. Here is the $682 in cash. I don't
care what happens to it. All I care

about is the principal involved here.

two people agreed to go out for an
evening on the town. It is their God

right to change their plans, to change
their minds.

I wish to cite a precedent from the 1985
Honolulu Superior Court.

Macalulu versus Ho?

Judge Bernstein states right here that
just because Macalulu failed to show up

at the luau, he is not responsible for
paying for the pig.

I rest my case.

Good.

Miss Singer.

He asked me out on a date. I blew a
bundle on the outfit. He stood me up.

I find for the plaintiff.

Wait a minute.

Now, wait a minute.

I talked a lot longer than she did.
Didn't you hear anything I said?

Now, look, I just asked her out to a
show. It wasn't a date. It was a friend

thing. Excuse me. I don't get my legs
waxed for a friend.

Oh, and by the way, that'll be another
$22 .50. Oh, yeah, sure, fine. Another

$22 .50, yeah, no problem. And while I'm
at it, why don't I pay for all the

other guys who dumped on you? How about
the guy that left you standing at the

altar? Why don't you sue him? Because I
didn't, but I am suing you.

I am tired of guys dumping on me, and
you are the end of a long line, buddy.

oh, oh, I get it. You're taking out all
the anger from your past rejections out

on me. You bet I am.

Aha! That's exactly what Ho said to
Macalulu.

The same words. I'm telling you, it's
exactly the same.

You have my ruling.

Now, court's adjourned until 3 o 'clock.
Hopefully the two of you won't be here.

All right.

Get me some barley soup and a tossed
green salad.

You don't get it, do you? You just don't
get it.

You have no idea how hurt I was when I
walked into your apartment and realized

what you had done to me.

Yeah, well, I, uh...

I guess it was a rotten thing to do.

Is that an apology?

Yes.

I'm... I'm sorry I lied to you.

And I'm sorry if I caused you any pain.

No, I really am. Well, I guess I owe you
an apology, too. I mean, I shouldn't

have taken all my hostility out on you.

It's not your fault Billy Conroy dumped
me for that redhead with the braces in

the fourth grade.

You're still angry at a guy from the
fourth grade? Yeah, and I don't let

forget it either. I get to yell at him
every Tuesday at five.

He's my shrink.

Well, listen, I'm, uh... I'm glad we,
um, got to work this out between us.

Friend?

Friend.

Hey, what are you doing?

I have a lot of anger to work out, and
Billy is expensive.

You hear? I'd like to tell you
something.

Your mother makes lousy chicken soup.

Aloha.

I believe that woman cost me $682.

Yeah, I know.

But it's kind of like that time I went
out and bought that expensive Mets

baseball jacket and then you canceled
out on taking me to the game.

Kirk, I know what you're getting at. And
you're crazy if you think I'm going to

pay you for that jacket. Oh, okay. Well,
at least I tried.

Do you remember Mac?