All language subtitles for dear_john_s04e09_i_do_baby_2

I want you out of here. Wendy, I want
you out of here. Just be a second. Kirk.

I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, yes, you are.

Hey, please.

The last thing we want here is a scene.

Just stay calm.

Wendy, what the hell are you doing with
my checkbook?

I'm just helping you. See, now all you
have to do is sign it. Here. $1 ,350.

Isn't it great? The health boss said
they'd give me a discount if I paid him

tomorrow. In the kitchen. We've got to
talk. Come on. In the kitchen. Come on,

come on, come on, come on.

Oh, come on. You can waddle faster than
that.

I am not going to let you ruin this date
for me. Now get out! I'm not going

anywhere till you call off this wedding.

Kirk, I swear I will kill you if you
make me sweat in this wedding dress.

Too late.

Gotcha.

There's that.

I'm a little new to this group.

What are your New Year's Eve parties
like?

I'm sorry, Mitch, but I need to talk to
my ex -wife alone for just a minute. But

I was told to wait in the kitchen. It's
bad luck for the groom to see the bride

before the wedding. Oh, yeah? I never
saw Wendy before our wedding, and look

where it got me.

I told you I'd let go in any way. If you
don't leave right now... Kate, what's

the problem?

Now,

you've done it, Kirk.

Kate's upset enough without having you
storm in here and make a shambles of her

big day. Yeah, but I...

still here. When I come back out, I'm
going to give you a good thrashing.

Now, if you will all excuse me, I'm
going back in with the bride and have a

cry.

Hey, guys, come on. Me and Kate just had
a little misunderstanding. That's all.

I say we break them in half.

You guys better be careful.

Kirk... He told me he has a black belt
in karate.

Shut up, Annie.

All right, now that's enough.

We don't want any violence in here.
Thank you, Mary Beth.

Take him outside.

This stuff is wrenching.

Okay, fine. Here, break me in half. Kill
me. Do whatever you want.

If that's the way New York City's
finest, sweetest citizen with a deep

psychological problem, so be it.

Come on.

Psychological problem, my foot.

Hey!

Tell me I don't have a psychological
problem.

You would do if you'd gone through what
I did.

I don't want to hear it. Right.

I'll never forget it.

I was driving to a small town in Iowa.

I was in Nebraska.

Whatever, somewhere near a lot of corn.

I'm tooling down the highway, right? I'm
on my way to Vandenberg Air Force Base

for this secret meeting with the
president.

I spot this helpless little kid limping
along the side of the road.

This old rusty pipe, he's using it as a
crutch.

He tells me he needs an operation on his
leg, right? But he doesn't have the

money because his sister stole it from
him because she wanted to have this big

fancy schmancy wedding.

Turns out, this chick would rather see
her little brother hobbling around,

dragging that useless leg, than have to
get married at City Hall.

What could I do?

I did what you guys would have done. I
sold my Ferrari, and I paid for his

operation.

But to this day, whenever I see a rusty
pipe, or I hear the word wedding, I

just go crazy.

That is the dumbest story I ever heard.

Oh, yeah? Well, let me tell you
something, my friend.

That fourth helpless kid with the bum
leg was Bo Jackson.

That's it. What? That's what? I told him
not to play football.

What's wrong with Kurt?

Only Bo knows.

Hey, will you look at this? An ice
sculpture of the bride and groom.

Yep, made it myself.

Used nothing but water.

Well, I think it's beautiful, Ben, but
why is the groom so much shorter than

bride?

Time is an ice sculpture's worst enemy.

You better excuse me. I gotta go pop
Kate and little Mitch into the freezer.

Have a heart, Wendy. I can't give you $1
,350.

My checking account is already
overdrawn.

What's the difference? By the time the
check bounces, I'll be beautiful.

No!

I've got to stick this in the freezer.
There's no room in there, Ben. Just

it on the counter. It'll be fine.

Great. So it's come to this. Frozen
tater tots are more important than art.

Come on, buddy. You've got to get out of
here. The wedding is about to begin.

Come on.

Let's go.

Excuse me, John.

Could we get things started?

I have another wedding to perform this
afternoon. Yes, of course. No problem,

Your Honor. She was just leaving.

Oh, good. Okay. Now, everybody get
seated. We're about to start.

What's wrong?

Just a little twinge.

Wendy, I'm warning you. This is a
wedding, not a twinging.

Don't worry. I'm all going to be okay.

Sit over here. Sit over here and rest
for just a minute. Just a minute. Don't

worry, John.

We'll take care of her. Thank you.

No funny business, Wendy. No funny
business.

Where's Kirk?

Mitch and Mort took him outside.

They said they're going to break his
legs.

Ah, good.

to bother you anymore.

Now you've got to get a grip on
yourself.

I'm trying. I'm trying, but I just know
something else is going to happen.

Nothing else is going to happen. That's
what I keep telling her. I'm sorry, but

I just can't get that scene from The
Graduate out of my head.

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know, the one where Catherine
Ross is about to get married when Dustin

Hoffman starts pounding on the glass
door before she and the groom have a

to say I do? She leaves that poor jerk
just standing at the altar. Oh,

Ross and Dustin Hoffman are big stars
and nobody even remembers that poor jerk

then.

You're losing your mind.

I know.

Pull yourself together. It's time to go.
Go where? Go where? Go where?

To the living room. The living room. The
living room.

It's time for your wedding. Well, of
course it is. Now, let's go.

God help us.

All right.

We're ready.

We're gathered here today to witness the
marriage of Kate and Mitch.

If there's anyone present who objects to
this union, please speak now or forever

hold your peace.

Do you, Kate, take Mitch to be your
lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

Do you, Mitch, take Kate to be your
wife?

No, Wendy. No, Wendy, no.

Oh, God, John.

I think it's time. No, Wendy. No, Wendy.
No.

Oh, Bill, look what you've done, John.

Please don't do this to me. Hey, you
want to go to that spa?

I'll write you the check.

John, this is no time to talk about
money. In my purse.

With the check in my purse.

I've got to get her to a hospital.

I don't think there's time.

I told you she was fast.

about delivering a baby. I helped
deliver a horse once.

I don't think so, Bill.

I delivered a baby in my squad car.
Good, then you're it. No, no, no, wait.

Kate, please, I've got to help. Not
before you say I do.

Kate, I... Who's got the rings, Mitch?

I do. You heard him. He said I do. I do,
I do.

God,

I hope you know what you're doing. Me
too.

If it's any help, when the baby's coming
out, be careful of its hooves.

Maybe I ought to talk to them. Besides,
I need a drink.

I knew it.

I just knew this was going to be a
complete disaster.

I came pretty damn close.

Look, Kate.

I know it's a bad time, but I wanted to
give you your present before it was all

gone.

Thank you, Ben.

Mitch and I have been talking about
getting a bowl of water.

with ten seconds between contractions.
That wasn't a contraction. John is

retching my neck.

Now that was a contraction.

Shallow breathing, shallow breathing.

Oh, I'm going to get you for this. Oh,
shut up and hee hee.

You're doing terrific.

Oh, you guys are right. I was getting
upset about nothing.

Mitch and I are going to look back on
this day and laugh.

I mean, this is not your typical run -of
-the -mill wedding.

Actually, I should consider myself
lucky.

Yeah.

Yeah, now we really have something to
talk about.

Kirk is out on the ledge.

Now, Kate, don't do anything stupid.

He could fall and kill himself.

Go away.

Gotcha.

What are you doing? I'm trying to save
Red's life.

Get out. You and I have got to talk.
Yes, we do. Don't touch me.

All right, Kirk.

Why are you making my life so miserable?

If you marry Mitch, you're going to
regret it for the rest of your life,

You are. You're not in love with him.

And you know it.

I can't. I can't. Red, what happens
tomorrow morning when you wake up and

realize the guy sleeping next to you is
in me?

I am not going to let Mitch ruin what we
got going.

What do I say?

I love you.

Someone tell her to keep it down. She's
ruining my moment.

You love me? Yeah, I do. I just realized
it.

Oh, Kirk, you don't love me. Yes, I do.
No, you don't. Yes, I do. No, you don't.

You just think you do.

You like to hit on me because you know
I'll never take you up on it. I'm safe.

And I guess I enjoyed turning you down.

this little game going.

Only now you're afraid of losing me and
the game will be over.

So you're saying that this is all game
and that I don't really love you?

Yeah.

But I can't tell you how good it makes
me feel to find out how much you care

about me.

I'm flattered, Kirk. I really am.

But it's not love, love. It's friend
love.

You just never had a woman as a friend
before, so you don't know the

So, uh... Come on, let's just be
friends. What do you say?

Yeah, okay.

On one condition.

What's that?

When your husband goes away, I get to
whisper dirty little nothings in your

Kirk, you are a dirty little nothing.

Just relax.

I am relaxed.

It's going to be any time now.

Oh, hi. I don't believe we've met.

I'm Wendy.

Mitch.

By the way, Wendy, you're fully dilated.
Oh, thank you, Mitch. You're welcome.

Now, push.

Yeah, Wendy, push.

I know, push. He just told me to push. I
don't need you telling me to push. Now,

look. I just spent the last two months
in that stupid Lamaze class learning how

to say push. Now, I'm damn well going to
say push. Now, push.

Yes, Judge Humphrey. I'm sorry. I am not
going to be able to wait here any

longer. Leave and I'll kill you.

Remember what they taught us in class?
Just concentrate on something pleasant.

Okay, okay.

I just soaked in a hot tub.

And I've had an herbal rest. Yes.

And now I'm getting a full body massage.

Yes, I'm being totally pampered at that
beautiful health bar.

We're getting close. Did you hear that,
Wendy? We're getting close.

No kidding.

Oh,

a new little baby.

Just so beautiful.

I can't wait to have one of my own.
Yeah? Well, back off, Balak.

There we go, you little cutie.

Well, Daddy, you got yourself a baby
girl. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's

Wendy's. It's hers.

She's the one that wanted it.

A little baby girl?

Oh, a little baby girl?

Say hello to Daddy.

Invested in me by the state of New York,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride now, if you'll
excuse me.

Catch

that

bouquet and die!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, good.

Look, put the phone to the baby here.

What could just eat you up?

You better cool it with those 976
numbers.

What? She was smiling.

She was really smiling.

Well, kiss the baby goodnight for me.
Oh, and Wendy, if the baby needs

you know, anything at all, just give me
a call.

What?

Out of the question.

I'm not forking out $1 ,400 for that
baby to go to a fat...

Adorable. I can't wait for you to see my
little Emily.

Oh, is that why you decided to name her?
Well, actually, Wendy named her Joan.

I'm going to call her Emily.

I see a lot of therapy ahead for this
kid.

Wow, that's so sweet, Kirk. I had no
idea you and Kate were such good

Oh, what, are you kidding me? Kate and I
are tight.

Yeah, what we have is very, very
special. We really bonded.

Our friendship.

is based on sincerity and mutual
respect, which, incidentally, I now have

all women.

Wow, that's awesome. Oh, it's given me a
whole new perspective on the female

race.

And, needless to say, it's put me in
touch with my feminine side. You know,

inner Kirk.

If you will, the Alan Allday in me.

Wow, that's deep.

I cannot speak.

For all men.

But I know this man needs more than one
woman friend to bond with. So I was

thinking, if you weren't doing anything
later, maybe you could come over to my

place and I could help you search for
your feminine side.

Wow.

That's never going to happen.

No wonder Alan Alden never scores.

Hey, guys.

Get over here. Look at these pictures.

This is her right after we got her home
from the hospital.

Oh, did you ever see such a round, deep
red face?

Look how puffy her eyes are.

Oh, and just look at that little smushed
head.

Yeah, she looks just like her mother.

Evening, everybody.

Guess what I got?

Postcards from Kate and Mitch on their
honeymoon. Oh, what does it say? Having

wonderful time in Bermuda. Glad you're
not here.

Oh, no, that place was far too tacky.
Heart -shaped vials, mirrors on the

ceiling, vibrating bed.

Sure brings back memories.

Don't tell me you spent your honeymoon
there.

Better. I ran the game room.

Coming up next, it's an all -new
Reasonable

Doubts. And Dickie and Tess must face a
hit -and -run killing that leads right

to their boss.

And Sunday night, who's Harry Crumb?
He's a man of a thousand faces, but only

half a brain.

John Candy stars in the network premiere
of Who's Harry Crumb? Sunday night on

NBC.