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By the time...
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00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:55,670
Here, John, is filmed before a studio
audience.
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What? What is the problem?
4
00:01:01,910 --> 00:01:08,510
You simply cannot use our meeting room
as a casting couch for your non
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00:01:08,510 --> 00:01:13,450
play. And if I ever catch you using this
room again, I'm going to...
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00:01:42,830 --> 00:01:44,470
just left, so the position is open.
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Oh, I see, and you don't think you're
going to get it.
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00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:49,230
Don't be silly.
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I know I'll get it.
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My boss is a big fan of my writing, and
he's taking me out to lunch on Monday.
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But you're afraid you won't be up to the
new job?
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00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:00,029
Oh, no.
13
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,030
I'll do great.
14
00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:05,110
So your problem, as I understand it, is
that there's this exciting position
15
00:02:05,110 --> 00:02:07,990
that's open, you really want it, you
know you're going to get it, and you're
16
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:08,990
sure you'll be a big success.
17
00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:12,480
Boy, I don't see an easy way out of this
one.
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00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:18,420
Mary Beth, are you absolutely sure you
have?
19
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,620
Call me crazy, but I like the middle
one.
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00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,880
Mary Beth, you don't have to put on some
kind of an act. I mean, if you feel
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00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,120
that you deserve this promotion...
Excuse me. Hope I'm not interrupting
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00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,960
anything. I'm from Overeaters Anonymous
across the hall, and I'm just unloading
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00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,060
some jelly donuts on you.
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00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,040
He's the one that bought me those damn
donuts. My husband, Orlando, did I tell
25
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,040
you he's in the Merchant Marines?
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00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,260
do this without your help.
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00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,160
Boy, you people are good.
28
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:46,360
I scored those tickets you wanted to the
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Nick Celtics game.
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What? That's impossible.
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They're sold out.
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Not when you have a friend.
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00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:57,530
who has a friend who knows a guy who
waxes Patrick Ewing's car.
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00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:02,890
I was afraid I was going to have to
break Matthew's heart and tell him I
35
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:03,869
couldn't get the tickets.
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00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:08,670
Kirk, you saved my life. What do I owe
you? Hey, John, I saved a dear friend's
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00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:10,810
life. You can't put a price on that.
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00:05:11,090 --> 00:05:14,270
Oh, Kirk, thank you. But I do need a
favor.
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00:05:15,230 --> 00:05:19,330
A favor? A small one. Kirk, please let
me pay for the tickets, whatever they
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00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:20,330
cost. I'll pay you double.
41
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,680
I'll pay you triple. I'll give you one
of my kidneys, please. Let me just pay
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00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:24,680
for it.
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00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:31,440
John, it is not going to cost you. The
thing is, though, that chick that I
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00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:36,860
kissed in my play, well, she's coming
down here any minute, and she's
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to meet the producer.
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00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,220
And that's you.
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00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:45,400
Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm
sorry. I can't do that. I can't do that.
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00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,980
okay. Okay, okay, John.
49
00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,220
So, you know...
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00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,780
You'd do something else exciting with
Matthew.
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00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:52,140
You know.
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00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,340
I hear they just fixed a windmill down
at the miniature golf course.
53
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,960
And then there's the bus museum. All
right, all right, all right.
54
00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:03,800
I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, yeah. But
just this once. Just this once. All
55
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,300
right, John. Come on. Now try and look
successful, will you? Oh, come on, Kirk.
56
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:07,919
Come on.
57
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,500
I'm not going to be here any minute. Oh,
but this looks ridiculous.
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00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,440
Oh, come on, Kirk.
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00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:21,550
And speak Italian.
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00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:26,950
Italian? No, no, no. I can't speak
Italian. Come on, John. I can't. Fake
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00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:28,350
Italian. You know.
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00:06:28,650 --> 00:06:32,330
Fake it like you did the other night
when we were fooling around at the polka
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00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:36,470
game. No, no, no. Yes, you can. No, no,
no. I can't. John. John. She's expecting
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00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:40,110
to meet the world famous theatrical
producer Vito Carlucci.
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00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:42,930
Oh, come on. You got to. No, no, no.
Don't let me stoop this low.
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00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:44,690
Tark.
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00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:47,610
Signor Carlucci.
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Signor. Carlucci.
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00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:54,070
This is such a thrill, I can hardly
believe it.
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00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:11,630
Signor Carlucci says that the honor is
all his.
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00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:25,040
Signor Colucci says that he is a firm
believer in the method school of acting.
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00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:53,550
So, he would like you to practice the
shower scene at home.
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00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:59,350
In the shower.
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00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:04,130
With me.
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00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:22,710
Signor Colucci says, forget about the
shower scene. It's out.
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00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,770
Ah, put the lady down or don't let me do
it.
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00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:28,090
Ciao, bambina. Ciao.
78
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,310
most romantic experience in my life?
79
00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,490
Well, that would be during World War II.
80
00:09:02,530 --> 00:09:05,170
I met this handsome soldier on the boat.
81
00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:09,090
We made mad passionate love all during
the crossing.
82
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,310
You never left your cabin?
83
00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:14,090
No, no, no. In my car.
84
00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:19,210
We were on the Staten Island Ferry.
85
00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:23,990
Best nickel I ever spent.
86
00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:50,220
All the crime, poverty, corruption.
87
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:56,360
Oh, well, the way they're destroying the
rainforest, pretty soon there won't be
88
00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,260
any oxygen and we'll just suffocate to
death anyway.
89
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:09,120
Mary Beth, you're obviously depressed.
90
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:14,360
My guess would be that something pretty
bad has happened in your life.
91
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:20,080
So I think that I speak for the group as
a whole when I say, could you deal with
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00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,320
this on your own time? You're bringing
us down.
93
00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:24,180
Please.
94
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,460
Mary Beth, this is about that promotion,
isn't it?
95
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,500
You didn't get it, did you?
96
00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:33,680
I got fired.
97
00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:37,260
I bet you had no problem acting
surprised.
98
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,430
boss was such a big fan of your writing.
99
00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:52,250
He said he was just putting up with me,
hoping I'd improve.
100
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,410
But I didn't.
101
00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:57,550
I'm... I'm a failure.
102
00:10:58,130 --> 00:10:59,130
I'm worthless.
103
00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:00,810
I'm nothing.
104
00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:02,890
Oh, God.
105
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,890
No, no, no. Very bad. Very bad.
106
00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:07,210
Yoo -hoo. Very bad.
107
00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:08,690
Go away.
108
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,670
Oh, come on. Come on. This is not the
end of the world.
109
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:14,070
Rejection is just one of those
unfortunate facts of life.
110
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:24,920
things usually go extremely well for
you, but you mean to tell me you've
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00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:25,920
been rejected?
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00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:28,480
Ever?
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00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:31,160
Now I'm depressed.
114
00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:38,860
Oh, this whole thing is just so
humiliating. Oh, come on.
115
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,440
There's nothing to be ashamed of. I
mean, I know. When it comes to
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00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,280
you're looking at the resident expert
right here.
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00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:51,600
Oh, come on, Louise.
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00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,720
Jobs, man. You want to talk rejection?
Talk to me, okay?
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00:11:54,940 --> 00:11:55,940
No, no.
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00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,350
you deal with it?
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00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:36,070
I curl up in a ball and hum show tunes.
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00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:44,970
Mary Beth, I've done some reading about
depression, and apparently one way to
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00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:46,490
handle it is to get angry.
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00:12:46,730 --> 00:12:50,370
If you don't let your anger out, you
keep turning it against you.
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00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:06,680
be Italian?
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00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:14,580
Mary Beth, it's not working out.
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00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:19,880
Fred, I'm going to have to fire you
because, quite frankly, your writing
128
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:22,540
Come on, John, have a heart. Please,
Ralph.
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00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:28,260
All right, Mary Beth, this insensitive
lout had just taken your dream of being
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00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:30,400
writer and smashed it in a little...
131
00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:25,750
Mary Beth before we came over. What good
would it have done? She hasn't returned
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00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,130
our calls all week.
133
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:28,349
That's true.
134
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:33,950
And you've got to be concerned about
someone whose answering machine says,
135
00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:37,570
can leave a message at the beep, but
what's the point?
136
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:44,770
Now remember, we're dealing with a very
depressed person. We must be gentle.
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00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:16,310
watch television.
138
00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:19,130
We've been trying to reach you all week.
139
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:23,110
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that, but I've
just been working my fanny off on this
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00:15:23,110 --> 00:15:25,550
chair. I haven't even had time to go
out.
141
00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:28,270
You've been cooped up in your apartment
all week?
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00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:31,150
Yes, and what a glorious week it's been.
143
00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:34,930
I never knew how much fun you could have
repostering. Yeah?
144
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:37,790
Maybe I should line up a chair for New
Year's Eve.
145
00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:43,110
Mary Beth, why don't you come back to
the group with us?
146
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,120
Sweet, but I've just been so...
147
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:19,570
to depression.
148
00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:56,489
Good deal.
149
00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:58,430
How about a midnight cruise? Call me.
150
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:00,610
555 -6351.
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00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:14,589
Wheeze. A man with a yacht is a terrible
thing to waste.
152
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,500
No, I speak English.
153
00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:39,820
As a matter of fact, I teach English.
154
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,380
I'm not Vito Carlucci.
155
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,080
Look, this whole play thing is a hoax.
156
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,680
Kirk made the whole thing up just to get
you to go to bed with him.
157
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,320
I'm really very sorry.
158
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,420
So, Kirk's not really a director?
159
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:54,800
No, he's not.
160
00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,680
And you have every right to be angry.
161
00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,260
And I am!
162
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,020
No, it's a mistake.
163
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,680
Don't believe her. She's still not
dealing with her anger.
164
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,940
She spent the entire week in her
apartment. Didn't go out once.
165
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:24,240
And she refuses to even think about
finding a new direction for her life.
166
00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:27,600
But I don't want a new direction. I just
want to be happy.
167
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:29,100
Oh, Mary.
168
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:46,670
And he'll provide you with a life filled
with beauty appointments, material
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00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:52,030
possessions, and exotic vacations, but
utterly devoid of any real sense of
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00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:53,030
accomplishment.
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00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:54,350
Probably.
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00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,960
Slim and Trim, he wouldn't have to sleep
with me. Well, he called my bluff and
173
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,780
he hasn't touched me in two weeks. It's
driving me crazy.
174
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,440
Even Spike Lee is starting to look
handsome.
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00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,720
Stop it!
176
00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:28,140
You're just gonna give up?
177
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,020
Hey, I know when I'm beaten.
178
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:31,340
Wait!
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00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,080
I can't do this.
180
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:38,240
Mary Beth, leave her alone. If she wants
to be a blimp, that's her business.
181
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:47,619
to see.
182
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,600
Oh, John, stop acting so superior.
183
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,460
Yeah, I hate when you do that.
184
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,800
And Ralph, stop whining.
185
00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:05,180
Hush!
186
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:10,280
Denise, you worked hard to get that
weight off and it made you feel good
187
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,280
yourself, right?
188
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,440
Yeah. And then Orlando comes along and
rejects you. Tells you you're not good
189
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,440
enough the way you are.
190
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:17,920
That makes you feel worthless, right?
191
00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:19,379
Pretty much.
192
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,200
Doesn't it just make you want to spit
nails?
193
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,600
You bet it does.
194
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,040
Then don't turn that anger against
yourself or you'll wind up watching
195
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,040
on Laverne and Shirley.
196
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:28,920
Huh?
197
00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:56,690
I know.
198
00:20:56,770 --> 00:21:01,550
It seems like all of a sudden this heavy
weight's been lifted off my chest.
199
00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:03,330
I know that feeling.
200
00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:12,190
Speaking of feelings, uh, guys, I hope I
didn't hurt y 'all.
201
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:42,740
his yoke.
202
00:21:45,540 --> 00:21:51,500
I could have done
203
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:58,040
the night. I could have done the
204
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,500
night.
205
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:07,620
This is Jane Curtin. And Stephen
206
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:10,100
Collins. We're working it out. Next.
207
00:22:10,510 --> 00:22:12,370
Crime doesn't pay when Hunter's on the
case.
208
00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:15,090
This is Fred Dreyer. Join me for Hunter
tonight.
209
00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:18,850
And Thursday night, Vanna White will be
spinning the wheel of fortune on an all
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00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:19,850
-new L .A. Law.
211
00:22:19,890 --> 00:22:21,510
Thursday, only on NBC.
212
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:51,540
But you have got the promise. What I am
about to tell you stays in this room.
213
00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:55,220
All right. All right.
214
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,480
Here goes.
215
00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:09,940
I am the real voice of
216
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:10,960
Milli Vanilli.
217
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,940
through both of them. I just threw a
vanilla.
218
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:22,700
Hey,
219
00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:24,960
I did his a favor. He's a friend of
mine.
220
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,060
Well, you know, you know the most
interesting people. You know, last week
221
00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:33,620
Kirk's apartment, I met the man who
invented the artificial heart. No,
222
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:36,360
that was... The same man who invented
Kirk's artificial brain?
223
00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:53,010
He's an installer for the cable company.
17770
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