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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,740 --> 00:00:07,120 By the time... 2 00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:55,670 Here, John, is filmed before a studio audience. 3 00:00:57,810 --> 00:01:01,310 What? What is the problem? 4 00:01:01,910 --> 00:01:08,510 You simply cannot use our meeting room as a casting couch for your non 5 00:01:08,510 --> 00:01:13,450 play. And if I ever catch you using this room again, I'm going to... 6 00:01:42,830 --> 00:01:44,470 just left, so the position is open. 7 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,970 Oh, I see, and you don't think you're going to get it. 8 00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:49,230 Don't be silly. 9 00:01:49,430 --> 00:01:50,930 I know I'll get it. 10 00:01:52,090 --> 00:01:55,650 My boss is a big fan of my writing, and he's taking me out to lunch on Monday. 11 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,710 But you're afraid you won't be up to the new job? 12 00:01:59,030 --> 00:02:00,029 Oh, no. 13 00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,030 I'll do great. 14 00:02:02,070 --> 00:02:05,110 So your problem, as I understand it, is that there's this exciting position 15 00:02:05,110 --> 00:02:07,990 that's open, you really want it, you know you're going to get it, and you're 16 00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:08,990 sure you'll be a big success. 17 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:12,480 Boy, I don't see an easy way out of this one. 18 00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:18,420 Mary Beth, are you absolutely sure you have? 19 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,620 Call me crazy, but I like the middle one. 20 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,880 Mary Beth, you don't have to put on some kind of an act. I mean, if you feel 21 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,120 that you deserve this promotion... Excuse me. Hope I'm not interrupting 22 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,960 anything. I'm from Overeaters Anonymous across the hall, and I'm just unloading 23 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,060 some jelly donuts on you. 24 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,040 He's the one that bought me those damn donuts. My husband, Orlando, did I tell 25 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,040 you he's in the Merchant Marines? 26 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,260 do this without your help. 27 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,160 Boy, you people are good. 28 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:46,360 I scored those tickets you wanted to the 29 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,500 Nick Celtics game. 30 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:48,980 What? That's impossible. 31 00:04:49,220 --> 00:04:50,220 They're sold out. 32 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,080 Not when you have a friend. 33 00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:57,530 who has a friend who knows a guy who waxes Patrick Ewing's car. 34 00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:02,890 I was afraid I was going to have to break Matthew's heart and tell him I 35 00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:03,869 couldn't get the tickets. 36 00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:08,670 Kirk, you saved my life. What do I owe you? Hey, John, I saved a dear friend's 37 00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:10,810 life. You can't put a price on that. 38 00:05:11,090 --> 00:05:14,270 Oh, Kirk, thank you. But I do need a favor. 39 00:05:15,230 --> 00:05:19,330 A favor? A small one. Kirk, please let me pay for the tickets, whatever they 40 00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:20,330 cost. I'll pay you double. 41 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,680 I'll pay you triple. I'll give you one of my kidneys, please. Let me just pay 42 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:24,680 for it. 43 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:31,440 John, it is not going to cost you. The thing is, though, that chick that I 44 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:36,860 kissed in my play, well, she's coming down here any minute, and she's 45 00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:37,860 to meet the producer. 46 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,220 And that's you. 47 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:45,400 Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I can't do that. I can't do that. 48 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,980 okay. Okay, okay, John. 49 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:48,220 So, you know... 50 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,780 You'd do something else exciting with Matthew. 51 00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:52,140 You know. 52 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,340 I hear they just fixed a windmill down at the miniature golf course. 53 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,960 And then there's the bus museum. All right, all right, all right. 54 00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:03,800 I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah, yeah. But just this once. Just this once. All 55 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,300 right, John. Come on. Now try and look successful, will you? Oh, come on, Kirk. 56 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:07,919 Come on. 57 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,500 I'm not going to be here any minute. Oh, but this looks ridiculous. 58 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,440 Oh, come on, Kirk. 59 00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:21,550 And speak Italian. 60 00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:26,950 Italian? No, no, no. I can't speak Italian. Come on, John. I can't. Fake 61 00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:28,350 Italian. You know. 62 00:06:28,650 --> 00:06:32,330 Fake it like you did the other night when we were fooling around at the polka 63 00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:36,470 game. No, no, no. Yes, you can. No, no, no. I can't. John. John. She's expecting 64 00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:40,110 to meet the world famous theatrical producer Vito Carlucci. 65 00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:42,930 Oh, come on. You got to. No, no, no. Don't let me stoop this low. 66 00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:44,690 Tark. 67 00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:47,610 Signor Carlucci. 68 00:06:49,030 --> 00:06:50,250 Signor. Carlucci. 69 00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:54,070 This is such a thrill, I can hardly believe it. 70 00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:11,630 Signor Carlucci says that the honor is all his. 71 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:25,040 Signor Colucci says that he is a firm believer in the method school of acting. 72 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:53,550 So, he would like you to practice the shower scene at home. 73 00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:59,350 In the shower. 74 00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:04,130 With me. 75 00:08:19,390 --> 00:08:22,710 Signor Colucci says, forget about the shower scene. It's out. 76 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,770 Ah, put the lady down or don't let me do it. 77 00:08:26,450 --> 00:08:28,090 Ciao, bambina. Ciao. 78 00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,310 most romantic experience in my life? 79 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,490 Well, that would be during World War II. 80 00:09:02,530 --> 00:09:05,170 I met this handsome soldier on the boat. 81 00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:09,090 We made mad passionate love all during the crossing. 82 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,310 You never left your cabin? 83 00:09:12,630 --> 00:09:14,090 No, no, no. In my car. 84 00:09:17,030 --> 00:09:19,210 We were on the Staten Island Ferry. 85 00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:23,990 Best nickel I ever spent. 86 00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:50,220 All the crime, poverty, corruption. 87 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:56,360 Oh, well, the way they're destroying the rainforest, pretty soon there won't be 88 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,260 any oxygen and we'll just suffocate to death anyway. 89 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:09,120 Mary Beth, you're obviously depressed. 90 00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:14,360 My guess would be that something pretty bad has happened in your life. 91 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:20,080 So I think that I speak for the group as a whole when I say, could you deal with 92 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,320 this on your own time? You're bringing us down. 93 00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:24,180 Please. 94 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,460 Mary Beth, this is about that promotion, isn't it? 95 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,500 You didn't get it, did you? 96 00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:33,680 I got fired. 97 00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:37,260 I bet you had no problem acting surprised. 98 00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,430 boss was such a big fan of your writing. 99 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:52,250 He said he was just putting up with me, hoping I'd improve. 100 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,410 But I didn't. 101 00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:57,550 I'm... I'm a failure. 102 00:10:58,130 --> 00:10:59,130 I'm worthless. 103 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:00,810 I'm nothing. 104 00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:02,890 Oh, God. 105 00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,890 No, no, no. Very bad. Very bad. 106 00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:07,210 Yoo -hoo. Very bad. 107 00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:08,690 Go away. 108 00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,670 Oh, come on. Come on. This is not the end of the world. 109 00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:14,070 Rejection is just one of those unfortunate facts of life. 110 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:24,920 things usually go extremely well for you, but you mean to tell me you've 111 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:25,920 been rejected? 112 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:28,480 Ever? 113 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:31,160 Now I'm depressed. 114 00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:38,860 Oh, this whole thing is just so humiliating. Oh, come on. 115 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,440 There's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, I know. When it comes to 116 00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,280 you're looking at the resident expert right here. 117 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:51,600 Oh, come on, Louise. 118 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,720 Jobs, man. You want to talk rejection? Talk to me, okay? 119 00:11:54,940 --> 00:11:55,940 No, no. 120 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,350 you deal with it? 121 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:36,070 I curl up in a ball and hum show tunes. 122 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:44,970 Mary Beth, I've done some reading about depression, and apparently one way to 123 00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:46,490 handle it is to get angry. 124 00:12:46,730 --> 00:12:50,370 If you don't let your anger out, you keep turning it against you. 125 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:06,680 be Italian? 126 00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:14,580 Mary Beth, it's not working out. 127 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:19,880 Fred, I'm going to have to fire you because, quite frankly, your writing 128 00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:22,540 Come on, John, have a heart. Please, Ralph. 129 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:28,260 All right, Mary Beth, this insensitive lout had just taken your dream of being 130 00:13:28,260 --> 00:13:30,400 writer and smashed it in a little... 131 00:14:21,710 --> 00:14:25,750 Mary Beth before we came over. What good would it have done? She hasn't returned 132 00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,130 our calls all week. 133 00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:28,349 That's true. 134 00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:33,950 And you've got to be concerned about someone whose answering machine says, 135 00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:37,570 can leave a message at the beep, but what's the point? 136 00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:44,770 Now remember, we're dealing with a very depressed person. We must be gentle. 137 00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:16,310 watch television. 138 00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:19,130 We've been trying to reach you all week. 139 00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:23,110 Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that, but I've just been working my fanny off on this 140 00:15:23,110 --> 00:15:25,550 chair. I haven't even had time to go out. 141 00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:28,270 You've been cooped up in your apartment all week? 142 00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:31,150 Yes, and what a glorious week it's been. 143 00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:34,930 I never knew how much fun you could have repostering. Yeah? 144 00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:37,790 Maybe I should line up a chair for New Year's Eve. 145 00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:43,110 Mary Beth, why don't you come back to the group with us? 146 00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,120 Sweet, but I've just been so... 147 00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:19,570 to depression. 148 00:16:55,790 --> 00:16:56,489 Good deal. 149 00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:58,430 How about a midnight cruise? Call me. 150 00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:00,610 555 -6351. 151 00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:14,589 Wheeze. A man with a yacht is a terrible thing to waste. 152 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,500 No, I speak English. 153 00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:39,820 As a matter of fact, I teach English. 154 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:42,380 I'm not Vito Carlucci. 155 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,080 Look, this whole play thing is a hoax. 156 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,680 Kirk made the whole thing up just to get you to go to bed with him. 157 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,320 I'm really very sorry. 158 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,420 So, Kirk's not really a director? 159 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:54,800 No, he's not. 160 00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,680 And you have every right to be angry. 161 00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,260 And I am! 162 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,020 No, it's a mistake. 163 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,680 Don't believe her. She's still not dealing with her anger. 164 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,940 She spent the entire week in her apartment. Didn't go out once. 165 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:24,240 And she refuses to even think about finding a new direction for her life. 166 00:18:24,460 --> 00:18:27,600 But I don't want a new direction. I just want to be happy. 167 00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:29,100 Oh, Mary. 168 00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:46,670 And he'll provide you with a life filled with beauty appointments, material 169 00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:52,030 possessions, and exotic vacations, but utterly devoid of any real sense of 170 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:53,030 accomplishment. 171 00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:54,350 Probably. 172 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,960 Slim and Trim, he wouldn't have to sleep with me. Well, he called my bluff and 173 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,780 he hasn't touched me in two weeks. It's driving me crazy. 174 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,440 Even Spike Lee is starting to look handsome. 175 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:26,720 Stop it! 176 00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:28,140 You're just gonna give up? 177 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,020 Hey, I know when I'm beaten. 178 00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:31,340 Wait! 179 00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,080 I can't do this. 180 00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:38,240 Mary Beth, leave her alone. If she wants to be a blimp, that's her business. 181 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:47,619 to see. 182 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,600 Oh, John, stop acting so superior. 183 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,460 Yeah, I hate when you do that. 184 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,800 And Ralph, stop whining. 185 00:20:04,180 --> 00:20:05,180 Hush! 186 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:10,280 Denise, you worked hard to get that weight off and it made you feel good 187 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,280 yourself, right? 188 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:15,440 Yeah. And then Orlando comes along and rejects you. Tells you you're not good 189 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,440 enough the way you are. 190 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:17,920 That makes you feel worthless, right? 191 00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:19,379 Pretty much. 192 00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,200 Doesn't it just make you want to spit nails? 193 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,600 You bet it does. 194 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,040 Then don't turn that anger against yourself or you'll wind up watching 195 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,040 on Laverne and Shirley. 196 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:28,920 Huh? 197 00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:56,690 I know. 198 00:20:56,770 --> 00:21:01,550 It seems like all of a sudden this heavy weight's been lifted off my chest. 199 00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:03,330 I know that feeling. 200 00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:12,190 Speaking of feelings, uh, guys, I hope I didn't hurt y 'all. 201 00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:42,740 his yoke. 202 00:21:45,540 --> 00:21:51,500 I could have done 203 00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:58,040 the night. I could have done the 204 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,500 night. 205 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:07,620 This is Jane Curtin. And Stephen 206 00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:10,100 Collins. We're working it out. Next. 207 00:22:10,510 --> 00:22:12,370 Crime doesn't pay when Hunter's on the case. 208 00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:15,090 This is Fred Dreyer. Join me for Hunter tonight. 209 00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:18,850 And Thursday night, Vanna White will be spinning the wheel of fortune on an all 210 00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:19,850 -new L .A. Law. 211 00:22:19,890 --> 00:22:21,510 Thursday, only on NBC. 212 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:51,540 But you have got the promise. What I am about to tell you stays in this room. 213 00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:55,220 All right. All right. 214 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,480 Here goes. 215 00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:09,940 I am the real voice of 216 00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:10,960 Milli Vanilli. 217 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,940 through both of them. I just threw a vanilla. 218 00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:22,700 Hey, 219 00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:24,960 I did his a favor. He's a friend of mine. 220 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,060 Well, you know, you know the most interesting people. You know, last week 221 00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:33,620 Kirk's apartment, I met the man who invented the artificial heart. No, 222 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:36,360 that was... The same man who invented Kirk's artificial brain? 223 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:53,010 He's an installer for the cable company. 17770

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