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I'm home.
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not Kirk.
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Mr.
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Reliable.
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You remember that 20 bucks you loaned me
last month? Oh, yeah, sure, but I'm not
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in a rush to get it back. Well, never
let it be said that Kirk Morris is a
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deadbeat, John.
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Owing you that 20 bucks has been eating
me alive.
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I'm here to swear the debt right now,
John.
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Here you go, Pop. Well... And thank you.
Yeah, thanks.
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But, Kirk, it's only a ten.
12
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Right. Ten in cash, and the other ten in
government -inspected, all -weather,
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two -ply, El Diablo.
14
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Not available in stores, John. You
cannot buy these things. And then it's
15
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,240
You pay me back in condoms?
16
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,740
Don't spend them all in one place.
17
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Wendy? Uh, just a minute.
18
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,220
That's my ex -wife. She can't see these.
19
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Are you kidding me, John? My ex -wife
stopped by. I had those things spread
20
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over the room.
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Yeah, just a minute, Wendy.
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Oh, hi, Wendy. Hello, John.
23
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Well, Wendy, this is Kirk.
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Oh, well, nice to meet you. The pleasure
is entirely mine.
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John, you did this woman a grave
disservice when you described her as
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lovely. Oh, thank you.
27
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,620
John, I like your friend.
28
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And, John, you never mentioned how
charming she was.
29
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Oh, how very kind.
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Not to mention a great set of gaboons.
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Goodbye, Kurt. Goodbye,
32
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Kurt. Why?
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It's a personal activation, John.
34
00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:04,420
Who was that?
35
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Oh, one of God's factory seconds.
36
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I just saw the school situation with
Matthew. The interview is Monday.
37
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Wendy, we already talked about this. I
know, I know. I just wanted to drop off
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these brochures. Now, I know if you look
at them, you'll see what a wonderful
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00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,540
school this is. Wendy, I agree that St.
Bede's is a fine school, but I still
40
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don't feel that we have to lie to get
Matthew in that school.
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But, John, it's a Catholic school. If
they find out we're divorced, I just
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they're not going to let him in. I'm
sorry. I'm not going to go to that
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interview and pretend that you and I are
still married.
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You know how I feel about lying?
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It goes back to my childhood.
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My father always taught me to tell the
truth.
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Your father was a used car salesman.
48
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Yes, but he wasn't a good one.
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00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,200
Look, just read the brochures. Please,
just look at them, please. It's not that
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I don't want Matthew to have a good
education. It's just that, in my
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lying never works.
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People always see through it. And you
wind up looking like a damn fool.
53
00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:04,260
Oh, John.
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You're right. You are so right.
55
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:08,780
You know...
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It's that integrity of yours that I
really miss.
57
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In fact, just hearing you talk like that
makes me regret we ever got divorced.
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You really mean that? Of course not. I'm
lying.
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You see how easy it is?
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Hi.
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00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,290
Hello.
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This is where the 121 Club meets. Oh,
yes.
63
00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:07,410
That's great.
64
00:05:09,290 --> 00:05:12,610
Miss Mercer? Oh, no, no. Louise hasn't
arrived yet.
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That's cool.
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00:05:17,890 --> 00:05:21,310
You probably think it's strange to see
somebody like me in a place like this,
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right? No, not really.
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But coping with the breakup of a
marriage, that can be hard on anybody,
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Oh, yeah.
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Even somebody like me.
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00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:39,050
Sure, why not?
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00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:44,290
One of my roadies once said to me, he
said, Rick, Ricky said, Ricky, it
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matter how famous you are, your destiny
lies in the hands of an even bigger
74
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:48,750
star.
75
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:57,780
Of course, my main concern is this thing
leaking.
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00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,580
What thing leaking?
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The story of my marriage breaking up.
78
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The press, the press does not seem to
realize that even a legend like me is
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entitled to some privacy.
80
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Are you somebody?
81
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:30,290
I was hoping you wouldn't recognize me.
Well, actually, I don't.
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00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:31,850
Oh.
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Well, 1969 was a very long time ago.
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This will jog your memory.
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This way, not on my birth, not on my
birth, not on my birthday.
86
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,670
Oh, yeah.
87
00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:11,850
Takes you back, doesn't it?
88
00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:14,770
Actually, no.
89
00:07:16,050 --> 00:07:18,750
Then again, I think I had a lot of
homework that year.
90
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:23,650
Come on, everybody remembers that song.
That song was a...
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Fortune and the Fortunates.
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That is me.
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I am Ricky Fortune.
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Oh, it's nice to meet you. I'm Kate
McCarron.
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Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm
going to go put on some coffee for the
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group.
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Is it?
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You
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know
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00:08:59,510 --> 00:09:01,170
that I love you.
101
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:07,330
Think the world of you.
102
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Yes,
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well... Happy birthday.
104
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So I agree with my ex -wife that that
school could be a very important thing
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00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:40,040
our son. The trouble is, I just have a
problem lying.
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I don't understand, John.
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I'm not surprised, Kirk.
108
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I wouldn't expect you to appreciate that
kind of fine moral distinction.
109
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No, no, no. I mean, I don't understand.
What's so great about this school?
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I mean, what do they got, a girls' mud
wrestling team?
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00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:00,550
John,
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00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:06,070
is it possible that you may be
overreacting?
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00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:08,490
Overreacting? No, I don't think so,
Ralph.
114
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:12,320
Wendy wants me to go to that interview
with her on Monday and pretend that
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still married.
116
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,100
Well, how important is getting him into
this school?
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00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:18,940
Well, we're not exactly happy about the
school he's going to right now.
118
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:24,300
Well, these formative years can truly
affect how a child grows up.
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Yes, but I still don't think it's worth
lying for.
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00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:31,380
Besides, I'm sure there were a lot of
fine graduates to come out of PS74.
121
00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:34,620
PS74? Yeah.
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00:10:34,940 --> 00:10:37,100
John, it's my alma mater.
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The little white lie never hurt anyone.
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Right.
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00:10:46,610 --> 00:10:50,910
Now that that's resolved, I think it's
about time we met our new member.
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00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:52,930
Would you like to take the floor, dear?
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00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:56,130
Introduce yourself. Tell us a little
about your life.
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00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:02,070
Well, as you all probably know by now,
my name is Rick.
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00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:03,410
Everybody!
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00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:04,930
Hi, Rick!
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00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:08,430
Hello.
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00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,850
Yes, well, my wife...
133
00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:13,590
18 months ago.
134
00:11:14,610 --> 00:11:17,150
When it first happened, I thought, what
the hell?
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00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:21,590
Go up you want, see if I care. Yeah, I'm
hearing you, guy. I got friends. Right
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00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:23,430
on. Who needs you? Damn straight.
137
00:11:24,790 --> 00:11:27,370
But that thinking's for morons. You bet,
buddy.
138
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:36,510
How many years were you married, Rick?
139
00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:40,730
Well, we never actually got married in a
conventional sense.
140
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,420
It was an Arapaho wedding ceremony.
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00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:46,900
Woodstock.
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00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:49,040
Summer solstice.
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00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:52,080
Flowers. It was very romantic.
144
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,320
Halfway through the ceremony, a sheep
gave birth.
145
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,100
Maybe next week you can show us the
wedding pictures.
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00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,060
Go on, dear.
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00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:09,920
Anyway, my wife left.
148
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:13,410
Took me by surprise.
149
00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:15,050
Although God knows why.
150
00:12:15,890 --> 00:12:18,410
I mean, how many marriages do last in
show business?
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00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:21,550
Oh, your wife was in show business.
152
00:12:25,710 --> 00:12:27,090
No, no, I'm talking about myself.
153
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:31,650
This is Ricky of Ricky Fortune and the
Fortunatos.
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00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,170
Nets. Fortune Nets.
155
00:12:33,410 --> 00:12:34,410
Right.
156
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:35,650
Sorry.
157
00:12:35,870 --> 00:12:39,730
We had a smash hit. It was called Not On
My Birthday. In January. It was in the
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charts. Just in...
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Just in 1969.
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00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,720
Well, that was a long time ago, dear.
161
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:53,520
Have you recorded anything more recently
that we might recognize?
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00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:57,960
No. We haven't cut a record in... years.
163
00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,320
Well, why not?
164
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:00,880
Well, uh, mainly.
165
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,840
Um, mainly because the Fortunates are
dead.
166
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,480
Oh.
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00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,100
How unfortunate.
168
00:13:17,770 --> 00:13:18,529
is finished.
169
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:19,530
He's history.
170
00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:26,450
Daisy, my friend, I don't think your
wife loved you. I think she just forgot
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00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:27,450
you were.
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00:13:43,710 --> 00:13:45,790
People used to stand in line to see me.
173
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,260
Did you say Ricky Fortune and the
Fortunettes?
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00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,360
Yeah.
175
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,400
Well, sure, I remember you.
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00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,400
You do?
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00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:03,200
Yes. I bought all your records. I was a
big fan.
178
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,680
Yeah? Oh, don't believe him.
179
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,300
He's just saying that.
180
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,900
Why should he lie for my sake? Because
he's such a goody -goody.
181
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:15,380
All right.
182
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:20,520
If you're such a big fan of this
guy's... Which one of his monster hits
183
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,960
favorite? Well, that's very hard to say.
184
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:29,340
But if I was to narrow it down, I would
have to choose that ooh -ooh thing.
185
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:32,860
Oh, you mean the one that goes ooh? Oh,
yeah. Ooh!
186
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:37,700
That's it, that's it. Oh, that still
gives me the chills. Oh, please.
187
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,220
Come on, listen, guy.
188
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,760
The only one that's ever heard of you is
him, and he doesn't come because he's
189
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:48,100
lying. So, it strikes me that no one,
when I say no one, I mean nobody, has
190
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,400
ever, ever heard of you.
191
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,280
Yes, well, look at the time.
192
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,200
Perhaps we ought to call it a night.
193
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,760
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, everyone, but I
promised my neighbor I'd stop by and
194
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:03,760
water her.
195
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,210
to ask you.
196
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:34,390
In the session tonight, did you mean it
when you said you remembered Ricky
197
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:36,030
Fortune and the Fortunettes?
198
00:15:36,750 --> 00:15:38,850
Uh, no, I never heard of them.
199
00:15:39,850 --> 00:15:42,890
But poor Ricky was taking so much flack
from Kirk, I just felt that I had to
200
00:15:42,890 --> 00:15:46,590
bail him out. Yeah, well, I knew it. I
could tell that you were lying. You
201
00:15:46,590 --> 00:15:48,670
could? Yeah. Oh, God, I knew it.
202
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,430
You see, that's my problem.
203
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:54,430
I'm just so good at that, Ralph.
204
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:01,640
So how am I going to go to that
interview on Monday with Wendy and
205
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:02,640
we're still married?
206
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,300
I mean, to lie like that, I just can't.
207
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:08,560
I mean, would you do it?
208
00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,160
Well, I'm not really sure.
209
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,380
I mean, I've never even met your wife.
210
00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,500
Of course, Ralph. Where was my head?
211
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:20,940
How is my number one fan?
212
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,240
Oh, hi, Ricky.
213
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:24,900
Tell me something, um... Oh, John. John.
214
00:16:26,130 --> 00:16:28,390
Did you really remember me and the
Fortunates?
215
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:30,649
You bet.
216
00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:32,390
I mean, I loved your music.
217
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,610
Thank you, ma 'am.
218
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:37,810
I can't tell you how much that means to
me.
219
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:40,690
I'm really going to sleep well tonight.
220
00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:45,290
Yeah. Well, I guess I'll see you guys
next week. Okay. Okay, next week, Ricky.
221
00:16:45,450 --> 00:16:47,370
Can I give you a lift anywhere, Mrs.
Philbert?
222
00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:49,150
Oh, yes, anywhere.
223
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:22,190
Wendy, I'm not very happy about this.
224
00:17:22,490 --> 00:17:23,490
Oh, John.
225
00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:27,390
Look, when we were married, how many
times did I do things that I didn't
226
00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:28,550
just to make you happy?
227
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,130
Please, Wendy.
228
00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:34,590
We're not alone here.
229
00:17:38,670 --> 00:17:40,510
You must be Mr. and Mrs. Lacey.
230
00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:44,850
Yes, hello, sister. Yes, we are. That's
right. I'm Mr. Lacey, and this is my
231
00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:46,330
wife, Mrs. Lacey.
232
00:17:48,460 --> 00:17:49,700
the father that you're both here.
233
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:50,819
Thank you.
234
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,180
Would you care for some coffee?
235
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,400
Oh, thank you very much. Please, thank
you.
236
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:01,820
Wendy,
237
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,200
we shouldn't hold hands. We're supposed
to be married.
238
00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:14,380
Mr. and Mrs. Lacey, I'm Father Brennan.
I just found your son's records. Do sit
239
00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:15,380
down.
240
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,400
I see that he's a great little baseball
player.
241
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:20,120
Yes, he's a chip off the old block.
242
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,940
Oh, you used to play, Mr. Lacey. No,
Wendy did.
243
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:27,200
Yes, I used to play a little ball in
high school.
244
00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:31,960
I see that you have only the one child.
245
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:39,100
Yes. Well, of course, we were hoping for
more, but... Well, you know, I guess it
246
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:42,080
just wasn't meant to be. No, well,
that's a shame.
247
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especially when it happens to young
people like yourselves.
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00:18:45,430 --> 00:18:46,670
What was your position?
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My position?
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00:18:55,070 --> 00:18:56,810
I used to play shortstop.
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Oh, yes.
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00:18:59,150 --> 00:19:01,090
I was a left fielder.
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00:19:01,610 --> 00:19:05,450
Well, you know, we have a great sports
tradition here. I think young Matthew
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will be happy with us.
255
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:09,180
Assuming, of course, he's accepted.
256
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:10,520
Oh, yes, of course.
257
00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:13,820
Do you take sugar, Mrs. Lacey? No, thank
you, sister.
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00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,620
Tell me something, Mr.
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00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:20,700
and Mrs. Lacey. Why exactly do you want
young Matthew transferred here to St.
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00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:21,780
Pete's?
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00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:23,800
Basically,
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00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:28,600
Father, it's quite simple. St. Pete's
has the finest reputation in the area.
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00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,520
And, of course, we want the very best
for our son.
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00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:32,940
Yes, of course you do.
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00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:38,310
And we find that the most responsive and
successful pupils come from a warm and
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stable family background.
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Like young Matthews. And we encourage
parents to participate in the school's
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extracurricular activities.
269
00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:53,590
Unless, of course, your time is already
taken up with social and community work.
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00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:54,970
No, no.
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00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:56,630
Well, I mean, not every minute.
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00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,550
No, no, plenty of free time.
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00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:02,830
Except, of course, on Fridays. I have to
go to my divorce... divorce...
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00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:04,780
Divinity class.
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00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:07,940
But most of the week I'm free.
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00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:12,640
Divinity class? Did you hear that,
Father? I most certainly did.
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00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:17,260
So if we need someone to teach the odd
catechism class... Well, actually,
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00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,280
Father, it's sort of a beginning
divinity class.
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00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:24,680
Mostly so far we've watched movies.
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00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:30,620
Really, uh, very important movies.
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00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:34,010
Last week we watched The Robe.
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00:20:35,430 --> 00:20:37,810
It's a great movie, The Robe.
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00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:46,210
Why Victor Mature never won the Academy
Award is the only... Now then, assuming
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00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:49,270
your son's accepted, we know where to
contact you?
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00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:51,150
Well, yes, most evenings I'm at my
place.
286
00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:52,390
Your place?
287
00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:54,810
A special place.
288
00:20:55,550 --> 00:20:56,750
Out in the yard.
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00:20:57,210 --> 00:20:59,590
He has a little... A special place.
290
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,560
And most evenings you're in it?
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00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:07,760
I guess so. Oh, sure. You see, that's
where we
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00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,480
keep...
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00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:15,600
The rabbits.
294
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,160
Did you say rabbits?
295
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:24,760
Yes. The rabbits, John Raven.
296
00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:27,480
I don't believe this.
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00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:28,980
I don't blame you.
298
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,280
I keep rabbits, too.
299
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,520
This is unbelievable.
300
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,720
Oh, it's true. I've kept rabbits ever
since I was a child.
301
00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:41,520
Fascinating little creatures.
302
00:21:41,820 --> 00:21:46,840
Oh, we must have a long talk about them
sometime. Yes, I'm looking forward to
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00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:51,910
that. Well, then, Mr. and Mrs. Lacey,
certainly you understand I can't give
304
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:55,410
a definite answer right away. Matthew's
name must go before the Board of
305
00:21:55,410 --> 00:22:00,350
Governors, but I think I can say that
his application will be looked at most
306
00:22:00,350 --> 00:22:03,970
sympathetically. Oh, wonderful. Thank
you very much, Father.
307
00:22:04,230 --> 00:22:06,310
Now, have you completed that transfer
form?
308
00:22:06,670 --> 00:22:07,850
Oh, yes, I've got it right here.
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00:22:30,890 --> 00:22:35,570
in stores. Or anywhere.
310
00:22:38,230 --> 00:22:43,150
Next, the revealing case involves Miss
Nude International and an all -new L .A.
311
00:22:43,170 --> 00:22:48,050
Law. And Sunday night, a personal
tragedy for Nick brings tender loving
312
00:22:48,050 --> 00:22:49,250
an all -new family tie.
313
00:22:49,690 --> 00:22:52,250
Followed by all -new laughs on Day by
Day.
314
00:22:52,630 --> 00:22:58,390
Then, the laughs are on wheels at an
auto plant in the movie comedy Gong Ho,
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00:22:58,390 --> 00:22:59,650
network TV premiere.
24501
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