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Yo, John.
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Where do you keep the baby powder?
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What the hell are you doing here? I'm
taking a shower.
4
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Hey, John, you like these pecs?
5
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How did you get in here?
6
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I slipped a soup for a buck.
7
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So, John?
8
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What time's dinner?
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Damn it. You have no right barging in
here like you own the place.
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John, do you want to get that?
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Yeah, I'm not even dressed.
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Yeah. Are you Mr. John Lacey?
13
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Yes. The John Lacey who attended Hunter
College in 1963?
14
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:05,490
Yes, that's right. I can't believe it. I
can't believe I finally found you. Who
15
00:02:05,490 --> 00:02:06,109
are you?
16
00:02:06,110 --> 00:02:09,610
Oh, I'm sorry to barge in like this, but
I've got something very important to
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00:02:09,610 --> 00:02:12,330
talk to you about. As long as you make
it quick, I have a meeting to go to.
18
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:13,870
don't give you many shrimp, do they?
19
00:02:21,930 --> 00:02:23,110
into another room. Move back.
20
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Uh, John?
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What? If memory serves, you don't have
another room.
22
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Can you go back in the bathroom, please?
Ah, it's a mess in there. There's water
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all over the floor. Put on my shoes. All
right, tell you what I'm gonna do.
24
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I'm just gonna go out on your, uh,
terrace.
25
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Because I love dining al fresco, John.
26
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I'm sorry, uh...
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You found me. You found me. I know you
said that.
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What's this all about?
29
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Well, um, I think you're my father.
30
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Your father? Yeah.
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Hey, John.
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What? Are you wearing binoculars?
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We got a possible pen doing a little
nude yoga over here.
34
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,820
Oh, sweetheart.
35
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,000
John,
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I think this chick is double -jointed.
37
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I think you've got the wrong John Lacey.
38
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I'm Andrew Garber. You used to go with
my mother.
39
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Huh? Yeah. Who was your mother?
40
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Sue. Sue Garber? Sue Garber. Yes, I
haven't seen her since college. So what?
41
00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:40,870
Well, she died last year. Oh, I'm so
sorry. Yeah, well, when I was going
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her effects, though, I found some
letters you'd written to her. Well, they
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of spelled everything out.
44
00:03:46,050 --> 00:03:47,049
Spelled what out?
45
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Well, that weekend, you two went to that
ski lodge in Vermont.
46
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Yeah, so I took your mother skiing.
Once.
47
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In July?
48
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They gave us a good rate.
49
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:03,400
I still don't understand why you think
I'm your father. Well, the dates, the
50
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,680
times, the places, everything seems to
fit.
51
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:10,800
Well, you see, seems, that's the key
word here. Like in things aren't what
52
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,520
seem. You were together in July, and I
was born in March.
53
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Well, except I'm not going to them.
54
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,620
Now, there you go. I mean, that's only
eight months.
55
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,860
Yeah, but I was born a month premature.
56
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,040
I can imagine what a shock this must be
for you.
57
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I sincerely doubt that.
58
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That's pretty much what I thought.
59
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:19,830
How about you, John?
60
00:05:20,190 --> 00:05:23,130
You seem uncharacteristically reticent
tonight.
61
00:05:23,610 --> 00:05:28,830
Well, there is something I have on my
mind, but I'm not sure I want to talk
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about it.
63
00:05:29,650 --> 00:05:31,590
Don't be shy, dear.
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00:05:33,010 --> 00:05:39,250
Are there any... sexual problems?
65
00:05:41,410 --> 00:05:42,410
Not exactly.
66
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,440
shocking. I mean, I know it was to me.
67
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A 25 -year -old kid came to my door
tonight, claiming to be my son.
68
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:55,800
Really? So, some wild oats have come
home to roost.
69
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,640
No, no, it's total misunderstanding.
70
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:05,180
John, I don't mean to be indelicate, but
is it possible you could be his father?
71
00:06:05,340 --> 00:06:06,039
No, no.
72
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,320
Well, yeah, sure.
73
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,020
Okay. Maybe.
74
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:15,520
Well, dear, either you did or you
didn't. I understand how it works,
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00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,240
It's possible.
76
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:23,380
We'll know for sure after the blood test
results are in. And how do you feel
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about all of this, John?
78
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Like I don't know what I'm getting into.
79
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:31,520
No, no, no, there's nothing to it, John.
You make a fist and then the nurse
80
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comes in with a little... I understand
about the blood tests.
81
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:38,820
Well, then what's the problem?
82
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,440
Well, I...
83
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:45,860
I suddenly lost a family that I knew
about and wanted, and suddenly I've got
84
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family I know nothing about.
85
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,040
Well, so far, it's just a son.
86
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And a daughter -in -law.
87
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,080
It seems he's getting married in two
weeks.
88
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And get this.
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He wants me to be his best man.
90
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,400
Oh!
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00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,880
Oh, congratulations!
92
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,660
You must be so proud!
93
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:03,100
No, no, no.
94
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,000
You don't understand, Ralph.
95
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:40,480
I'm the one that spent the last 45
minutes freezing my towel off on your
96
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,840
escape. And what were you doing on
Joan's fire escape?
97
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:48,000
Discovering the true meaning of the word
updraft.
98
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,200
Oh, hey. Hi, Dad.
99
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:02,880
I wish you wouldn't call me then. At
least until the test results are final.
100
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:04,900
Well, in five more minutes, they'll be
final.
101
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,460
Look, I thought we were supposed to meet
later. Yeah, I know, I know, but I was
102
00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:11,900
home and I couldn't concentrate on what
I was doing. I know. Besides, I wanted
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00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,700
us to be together when we get the test
results. Andrew, I hope you're not
104
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,820
setting yourself up for something very
disappointing here.
105
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,399
Let's call now.
106
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,960
No, they said 5 o 'clock.
107
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,160
We can wait another five minutes. All
right, but while we're waiting, I think
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00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,580
ought to go over the guest list for the
wedding. Andrew, please.
109
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,640
Let's wait till it's official, please.
No, no, no, this is just in case, okay?
110
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:34,400
Well, now, it's going to be a small
garden wedding. It's just the immediate
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00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,240
family. Now, on my side, that's you.
112
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Maybe, maybe.
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Maybe, maybe, sure, understood.
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00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:42,820
What size suit do you wear?
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00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:48,080
Andrew. My best man's got to be in a
cutaway. Andrew, are you sure that you
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someone you barely know to stand up for
you at your wedding?
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Absolutely.
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My fiancee, she's dying to meet you.
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00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:57,790
Andrew, aren't you putting yourself out
on a limb here?
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00:08:58,150 --> 00:09:00,990
Guest lists, tuxedo sizes, meeting the
family.
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00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:04,230
By the time your wedding rolls around,
you and I could be back to being total
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00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:07,950
strangers. You're right. So which do you
prefer, the chicken or the veal?
123
00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:09,070
Chicken or the veal?
124
00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:11,690
I give up. Let's make the phone. Oh,
good.
125
00:09:22,030 --> 00:09:23,950
Yes, this is John Lacey.
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00:09:24,550 --> 00:09:27,370
I'm calling for the results of the
Garber -Lacey paternity tests.
127
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Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
128
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:33,030
No, Lacey, not Lansing, Lacey.
129
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That's right.
130
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:38,810
Yes. Uh -huh.
131
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,330
Uh -huh.
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I see.
133
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Are you sure?
134
00:09:47,590 --> 00:09:49,510
Then that's pretty conclusive, huh?
135
00:09:50,330 --> 00:09:51,550
Okay. Thank you.
136
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:54,160
Put me down for the veal.
137
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,280
Dad!
138
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,800
Louise, Louise, there's great news.
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00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,180
I asked the lady to dinner.
140
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,900
Congratulations. Hey, Robbie.
141
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:14,820
And did you enjoy yourself?
142
00:10:15,140 --> 00:10:16,180
Oh, yes.
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00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:18,800
Right up until she turned me down.
144
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:16,660
Hi,
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00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,080
everybody.
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00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:23,080
I'm sorry I'm late, but I was out
shopping for cigars.
147
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:26,060
Does this mean... That's right. It's a
man.
148
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,280
Congratulations.
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00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:37,320
John, you must feel wonderful. I feel
great. He's such a great kid. Oh, John,
150
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,980
I'm so happy for you. Do you realize he
already has a master's degree?
151
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:45,500
And he started his own business. And he
already owns his own condo. Oh, I'm very
152
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:46,640
proud of that young man.
153
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,040
Seems like only yesterday. I never heard
of him.
154
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:56,400
John, I'm telling you, this is the way
to have a kid. You know what I mean? You
155
00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,300
skip the messy part. You go straight to
where they can loan you money.
156
00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:06,140
So, I guess that means you can be the
best man at the wedding after all.
157
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,340
You bet. Oh, and by the way, you're all
invited.
158
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:09,760
Are you sure that...
159
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:13,340
Right. Well, I'm the father of the
groom, aren't I? So when is the wedding?
160
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:14,700
Sunday afternoon.
161
00:13:14,780 --> 00:13:15,780
Oh, Sunday?
162
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,740
Yeah. Doesn't give us much chance to
scare up a date. You know what I mean?
163
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,200
Except for Kay.
164
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:22,260
Of course.
165
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,040
What are you talking about?
166
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,640
Oh, didn't I tell you?
167
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:33,060
Oh, well, it turns out Willard Munsey,
your Will, is getting paroled next, uh,
168
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,380
tomorrow.
169
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,980
So, you know, maybe he could fly in for
the wedding.
170
00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:41,369
He's dead.
171
00:13:41,370 --> 00:13:45,990
No, wait. Come on. No, it's perfect.
Listen.
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00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:49,130
You'll go, you'll eat, you'll dance,
you'll laugh.
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00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:57,030
I second thought you better not laugh.
174
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:07,390
It is a beautiful day for a wedding,
though, isn't it? Yes.
175
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:13,040
Did you see the bride and groom? They
seem so in love.
176
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:14,440
Yes.
177
00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:22,300
Isn't it a shame something that starts
out with such romance and promise ends
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00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:24,120
loathing and disgust?
179
00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:28,520
Uh, is John here yet?
180
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:33,380
I'm sure your father will be here any
minute, dear. Yeah, I hope so. Look,
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00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:35,940
you see him, will you tell him that I've
got to talk to him right away? It's
182
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,540
urgent. Is something wrong?
183
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,480
Well...
184
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,200
Actually, yes.
185
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,640
The lab called.
186
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:47,340
They mixed up the test results.
187
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:48,680
Can't believe it.
188
00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:51,860
Turns out he's not my father.
189
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,420
Oh, no.
190
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,720
Oh, this is going to kill him.
191
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,440
Thanks for making this so easy for me.
192
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:06,440
I'm sorry. This must be very upsetting
for you. Especially on your wedding day.
193
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,340
This my boy.
194
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,520
Is he not a chip off the old block or
what?
195
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:22,980
John, I think Andrew needs to talk to
you. A boy can't talk to his father, who
196
00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:23,980
can he talk to?
197
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:29,140
John, if you need us, we'll be right
out. That's okay. I have everything I
198
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:30,140
right here.
199
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:31,420
Come here, you.
200
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,500
Come here, come on.
201
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,780
Oh, that's my boy.
202
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,940
This doesn't bother you, does it?
203
00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:45,730
Good. I know you might be a little old
for this, Andrew, but we got a lot of
204
00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:49,610
hugs to catch up on. Well, that's great,
John, but... No, no, no. Please, call
205
00:15:49,610 --> 00:15:50,610
me Dad.
206
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:51,910
Okay.
207
00:15:53,010 --> 00:15:54,010
Dad.
208
00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:55,750
Dad,
209
00:15:56,130 --> 00:16:00,990
what I... Oh, God, I feel so... Oh,
210
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:05,910
God, I can't go through with this. Oh, I
know what this is.
211
00:16:06,460 --> 00:16:07,520
Pre -wedding jitters.
212
00:16:07,740 --> 00:16:11,280
No, no, no, Butts, no, Butts. Now, you
sit over here.
213
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,680
And hear me out, son.
214
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,740
And we're going to have that long
overdue father -son chat. Oh, boy.
215
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:21,920
I want to tell you the truth about
marriage, son.
216
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:23,920
It's impossible.
217
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,140
As impossible as making it into the big
leagues.
218
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:31,320
As impossible as making a million
dollars.
219
00:16:32,460 --> 00:16:33,700
As impossible...
220
00:16:34,730 --> 00:16:39,230
as doing the perfect thing for your kids
so that when they grow up, they love
221
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:40,530
you as much as you love them.
222
00:16:41,570 --> 00:16:48,310
And the damn catch is that the only
thing that keeps us from being a nation
223
00:16:48,310 --> 00:16:53,030
empty suits is that every now and then,
we go for the impossible.
224
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:58,270
And today, son, you're going to go for
the impossible.
225
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,619
Dad. Come on.
226
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:09,980
Let's get you married.
227
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:11,680
Okay. Come on.
228
00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:14,319
Oh,
229
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:19,020
Andy. I just want you to know something.
230
00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:22,180
I really do love you.
231
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,720
They're probably waiting in there. Yeah,
let's go on.
232
00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:38,200
Okay, come on.
233
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,580
You know what I'm really looking forward
to most of all? What's that?
234
00:17:42,060 --> 00:17:43,100
Grandchildren. Oh, God.
235
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,900
I wouldn't have missed this day for the
world.
236
00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:17,520
Yeah. Well, actually, I wanted to... It
was such a wonderful wedding.
237
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,920
Yeah. Such an incredible two weeks.
238
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,720
I just want to sit here and savor the
moment.
239
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:26,840
You know what? You let me know when
you're finished savoring.
240
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:29,500
Why?
241
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,080
What is it?
242
00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:43,340
It really pains me to have to say this.
243
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,860
But you're not my father.
244
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:54,880
What? Yeah, the lab called back this
afternoon. They made a mistake.
245
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,880
I'm so sorry.
246
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,840
I'm not your father?
247
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:03,680
They said it was absolutely sure.
248
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,420
I can't believe it.
249
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,240
I'm not your father?
250
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:09,720
I knew you'd understand.
251
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:10,960
I don't understand.
252
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:14,240
Are you telling me I'm not your father?
253
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:18,300
Ah, here they are.
254
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,120
Hey, best man, you've got to make it go.
255
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,840
Oh, no, no, no, no. You really don't
have to. It is tradition.
256
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,480
Come on. Speech.
257
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:28,539
Come on, John.
258
00:19:28,540 --> 00:19:29,720
Speech. Speech.
259
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Speech.
260
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:33,540
Speech.
261
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,760
Um.
262
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:44,360
To the happy couple, may their lives
together be full of joy and love.
263
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:50,400
I guess it's not until a day like this
that a father realizes how little time
264
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,840
spent with his children.
265
00:19:54,320 --> 00:20:00,020
I mean, a son comes into your life one
day, and, well, by the time you turn
266
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:01,020
around, he's gone.
267
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,120
I guess the lesson is to appreciate
the...
268
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,960
precious time you've spent together.
269
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:12,200
So, two memories?
270
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:13,560
Two memories.
271
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:20,480
That was, that was beautiful.
272
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:27,320
You gonna be all right? Huh? Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, fine, fine. You go join your
273
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,680
bride. Okay, but I want you to know
something.
274
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:33,540
This has been the best mistake of my
life.
275
00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:37,090
This one's on me, okay?
276
00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:50,510
Oh, John.
277
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:54,070
Great kids we've got there, huh?
278
00:20:56,270 --> 00:20:57,490
Yeah, great kids.
279
00:20:59,110 --> 00:21:02,970
I thought that they should start off on
the right foot. That's why I didn't mind
280
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,310
paying for this whole wedding.
281
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:06,230
That's very generous of you.
282
00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:12,290
And in light of that, of course, I knew
that you wouldn't mind chipping in on
283
00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:13,950
their gift. No, not at all.
284
00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,010
Where did we get them?
285
00:21:16,350 --> 00:21:17,350
New Mercedes.
286
00:21:19,490 --> 00:21:20,490
I'm not his father.
287
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,200
Season premiere of L .A. Law.
288
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,580
Terrorizing gunman and a kissing bandit
plague the staff while a pretty legal
289
00:21:39,580 --> 00:21:41,220
eagle sets her sights on Leland.
290
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:46,400
Friday, Sonny's nav for murdering a cop
on Sonny Spoon, followed by Something is
291
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,059
Out There.
292
00:21:47,060 --> 00:21:51,640
Then, a deadly loss of memory sends
Crockett on a killing spree in the
293
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,560
season premiere of Miami Vice.
22721
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