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00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:02,603
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
before Kickstarter,
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00:00:02,636 --> 00:00:06,140
the best way to raise money
for charity was telethons.
3
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,742
These marathon sessions of
entertainment had it all.
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,479
From top-tier talent
to tuxedoed hosts.
5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:15,349
So when Erica's friend Ren
decided she wanted to
raise money for Earth Day,
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00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,151
she knew exactly how.
Bandit. Dance, Bandit!
7
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,053
This dog ballerina
is transcendent!
8
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,622
My mom still can't get
Rugby to pee outside.
(DOG BARKS)
9
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,125
Damn. How long
can she stand up
on her paws like that?
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,359
Well, considering
I have to fill
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00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,796
another 36 hours
of this telethon,
I'm hoping 19 hours.
12
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,531
And they're done.
So, what's next?
13
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,832
I don't know, Geoff.
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,467
Do you have any special
talent besides asking
stupid questions?
15
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,035
Well, I guess
I'm easily hurt
by insults.
16
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:36,970
So that's a no.
Thank you for your help.
17
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,173
Wow. Ren seems
pretty stressed about
the whole Earth Day thing.
18
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:42,243
She shouldn't be.
'Cause Barry's here,
and the environment is clear!
19
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:44,044
That literally makes
no sense.
20
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:46,380
Plus, it's well-established
that you are no friend
of this planet.
21
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,482
I saw you huck a Mountain Dew
bottle into the woods.
22
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:51,819
Which then became
a beaver's tool or weapon!
23
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,321
Are you on
the beaver's side or not?
24
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,388
Who's the beaver's enemy?
25
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,257
Chipmunks.
Wolves. Coyotes.
26
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,226
Foxes. Gators.
Bigger beavers.
27
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,627
Just tell me
why you're doing this.
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00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,994
To win Ren's heart.
29
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:02,196
And all the other
good parts.
30
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,332
Ugh! How many times
do I have to say this?
31
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,699
Just stay away
from my friends!
32
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,835
Tell them
to stay away from me!
33
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,438
She kissed me twice!
On spring break!
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00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:13,174
That is the one time a year
that you are allowed to
make horrible mistakes
35
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,109
because of heatstroke
and slushy rum drinks.
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00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,410
We connected.
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00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,446
Then our lips connected!
38
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:19,847
We're obviously
meant to be.
39
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,649
Have you guys even spoken
since those kisses?
40
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,385
Not with words,
but with fleeting looks
and playful smiles.
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00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,853
So no.
Amazing news!
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00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,255
I got Ed Begley Jr.
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00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:30,158
Dr. Victor Ehrlich
from the NBC medical drama
St. Elsewhere?
44
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:33,194
I guess. He's also
a well-known environmentalist
and oddball.
45
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,395
He's bringing
his recumbent bike!
46
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,464
Big deal.
I can do a wheelie
on a ten-speed.
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00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,765
Okay, I've locked down
another hour,
48
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,066
and I've only got
30 more to go.
49
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,235
Seems like a lot.
So much.
I'm in real trouble.
50
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,470
But Ed Begley Jr.!
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00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:45,306
Am I crazy, or do good things
happen when we're together?
52
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,940
Let's celebrate
with a soulful,
lingering hug.
53
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,742
Or a platonic group one.
Yes!
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00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,578
My family did one
every morning
before school
55
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,745
to kick-start my day.
Ah!
56
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:52,846
What?
I got to go.
57
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,382
No, this warm body
wasn't meant for you!
58
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,549
Get off me!
59
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,251
* I'm twisted up inside
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00:01:57,285 --> 00:02:00,421
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
61
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,625
* I don't know the future
62
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:08,629
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
63
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,498
ADULT ADAM:
It was April 22nd,
1980-something,
64
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,065
and my dad and Bill
were enjoying
65
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,934
the two things
they loved most...
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00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,436
Sports and chicken.
67
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,804
Another chicken wing,
Bill?
68
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,106
(SIGHS) Mur, I am
stuffed to the gills.
69
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,641
But I can't say no.
70
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,676
Eating from a helmet
is just too fun.
71
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,045
Yeah, it is. It's almost like
you're in the game.
72
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,113
What game?
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00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,048
All you two do
is sit around
74
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,783
and get ranch dressing
inside the remote.
75
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:30,951
Spicy drumstick?
76
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,454
Have you guys ever had
a real conversation?
77
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:34,622
You're supposed to be
best friends.
78
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,357
Best friends
who don't yakety-yak
79
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,891
and try and get
below the surface.
80
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,461
Spicy drumstick?
Fine.
81
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,529
* Double good Doublemint gum *
82
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,264
(CHUCKLES) Get a load
of these two lovebirds.
83
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:44,498
One stick of chewing gum,
84
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,099
and they're out on a lake
and having fun.
85
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:47,301
Twins creep me out.
86
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:48,669
It's not what God intended,
87
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,538
but it's nice
that they found each other.
88
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,606
Heck, I'm thinking
it might be time
89
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,275
for me to find someone myself.
(WHOOSH)
90
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,443
Bill, did I hear you right?
91
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,311
Are you really ready
to be set up?
92
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,446
Where did you come from?
93
00:02:58,479 --> 00:02:59,647
I didn't even know
you were in the house.
94
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,383
I suppose it might be time
to jump back on the old horse.
95
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:05,152
As long as the horse
is a lady and not
too broken-down.
96
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,255
Ohh, this is the best news!
97
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,856
Oh, you're finally
over your wife,
98
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,358
and your heart
is open to love.
99
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,459
Sure, it's that.
100
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:12,993
And recently,
my appendix broke
101
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,695
and I couldn't find anyone
to take me to the hospital
102
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,796
for three days.
103
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:16,864
You know you can call.
104
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:17,965
I don't like to bother.
105
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,100
Your remarkable
tale of survival
106
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,502
is gonna have
a happy ending
107
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,637
because Beverly Goldberg
is on the case,
108
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,006
and my Yenta-dex
is ready to find you love.
109
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,107
Let's do it.
110
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,142
It's time for Bill
to flex his love muscle.
111
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,979
Oh, I'm sorry.
That was unnecessarily visual.
112
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,047
ADULT ADAM: And so
my mom went to work.
113
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,148
Great news, Bill.
114
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:38,018
Female loneliness
is at an all-time high.
115
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,219
Oh, (BLEEP) no.
116
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,688
It was Jane Bales...
117
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,656
The only Yenta in town
Yenta enough
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00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,558
to go toe-to-toe
with my Yenta mom.
119
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,126
Hello, Beverly.
120
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,228
Bill, please tell me
you're not so desperate
121
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,563
for human companionship
122
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,899
that you'd hitch your cart
to this old pack mule.
123
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,434
We're not
romantically entwined.
124
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,835
Jane's here to help
set me up, too.
125
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,437
What's that, now?
Word travels fast
126
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,373
when you harass
every available lady
in Montgomery County.
127
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,141
I figured the more Yentas,
the merrier.
128
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,576
You figured wrong.
129
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,978
Jane couldn't set up
mac with cheese.
130
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,780
I put cornflakes
and lobster in mine,
131
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,048
and it'll make
your tongue cry.
132
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,750
Ever set up a rabbi
with a geisha?
133
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,018
I have. Twice.
134
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,520
Once, I set up
a man in a wheelchair
135
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,087
with the woman
who ran him down.
136
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:17,591
I was once attacked
by a mountain man on a hike
who spoke only in grunts.
137
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:18,926
After I got to safety,
138
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,495
I set him up with
a patent attorney from Boston.
139
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,163
That's how good I am.
140
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,698
Maybe work together?
Opposite!
141
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,400
We are gonna go
toe-to-toe
142
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,336
in a no-holds-barred
Yenta cage match.
143
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,403
Winner take all!
144
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,539
A classic Yenta-Off.
I'm in.
145
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,741
I just wanted someone
to eat a meal with,
but okay.
146
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,776
Let's do this thing
where you go to lady war.
147
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,878
As my mom and Jane
were matchmaking,
148
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,414
Barry was trying to forge
a match of his own.
149
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,183
It's super simple.
All you have to do
is take down their name,
150
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,519
info, and how much
they'd like to pledge.
151
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:46,954
And don't
forget the "please"
and "thank you."
152
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,889
Also, I like
to add a little
"whoo-whoo-whoo!"
153
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,090
if they pledge
more than $50.
154
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,059
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
I got this.
155
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,361
Go for Barry.
156
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,195
Yes, this is
Earth Day Headquarters.
157
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:57,097
Who's this? Myron?
(CHUCKLES)
158
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,999
That's a brutal name.
Do your parents hate you?
159
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,101
Also, please
and thank you.
160
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,503
(DIAL TONE)
Hello?
161
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,606
Yeah, Bar, I think
you might be suited
for a more important role
162
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,974
in the Earth Day
celebration...
163
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,208
As a producer.
164
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,678
I like the sound of that!
It's so vague and powerful.
165
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,013
So, I need you to produce
some sweat towels
166
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,115
for our ventriloquist
on a unicycle.
Thanks so much.
167
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,651
Damn it! How do I get
Ren's attention?
168
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,387
You don't,
'cause she's super busy.
169
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,122
I know. She's running
this whole thing.
We're both alphas.
170
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,724
We have everything
in common.
171
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,594
So just stop trying so hard
and just be the great guy
we all know and love.
172
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,761
Matt Bradley?
You!
173
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,096
Right. That was my plan,
174
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,932
but Ren is so caught up
in saving the stupid planet.
175
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,767
What about
things that matter... Me?
176
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,403
Well, if you want to
win Ren's heart,
177
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,138
then just bring her
a cheesesteak from Geno's.
It's her favorite.
178
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,107
That's so much easier
than telling her nice things
179
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,575
or asking her
about herself.
180
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,977
I am so proud of you.
That was very mature and...
181
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:47,014
(GASPS) Oh, no!
You have an evil smile
'cause Ren's a vegetarian!
182
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,182
One whiff of that
greasy meat pile
183
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,952
and she will never
want to talk to
Barry ever again.
184
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,821
I will find someone
to scratch your itch.
185
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,723
Just get onstage.
Thanks.
186
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,124
But he made a commitment!
187
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,191
(RECEIVER CLACKS)
Damn it!
188
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,293
Good news?
Ed Begley Jr. is not coming!
189
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,062
His corn-powered
three-wheeled car
broke down.
190
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,732
I think I have just
the thing to turn that
frown upside down.
191
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:08,335
What is that?
It's sliced beef smothered
in cheese and onions,
192
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,439
all tucked sloppily in
a meat-juice drenched bun.
193
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:14,174
Oh, that is absolutely vile.
Please get that away from me.
194
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,276
But I had them top it
with some pig cracklin's
for crunch.
195
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,011
I... That needs to
get out of here.
196
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,913
ADULT ADAM: As Barry looked
for a way in with Ren,
197
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,215
my mom had a plan
to get Bill out on the town.
198
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:26,386
All right. Take me
to your lady garden
so I can pluck a flower.
199
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,456
Bad start. I-I just
want to meet a gal.
200
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,190
And meet a gal
you shall.
201
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:34,027
I have over 300 beautiful
bachelorettes
for your perusing.
202
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,363
300 women?
That's more than
I've met in my whole life.
203
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,766
But don't
mistake quantity
for quality.
204
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,002
Lucky for you, I am here
to turn Beverly's misses
205
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,705
into your missus.
(LAUGHS)
206
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,773
Oof!
207
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,709
Please give a warm welcome
to Janice Crowley.
208
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,545
What a beautiful name!
She's my number-one gal.
209
00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,947
And is that a witch's wart?
210
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,349
That is a mole,
and we're keeping
an eye on it.
211
00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:59,119
How could you not?
It's smack-dab
in the middle of her nose.
212
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,522
But beggars can't be choosers.
Where does she live?
213
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:05,258
Bill, there is no need
to settle on this hag
from Beverly's coven.
214
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,495
(CLEARS THROAT)
Bachelorette number two.
215
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:11,431
Get ready to pop
the question to Jenkintown's
newest retiree,
216
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:12,766
Gladys Finklebaum.
217
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,202
Kinda looks like my mom,
but hey, I'm down to clown.
218
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,771
The question
I'd like to pop is,
how old is that biddy?
219
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:20,908
Okay, fine. How about someone
who's brimming with life?
220
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,576
Welcome Tiffany D'Amber.
221
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:23,944
Whoa! She's quite youthful.
222
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,246
Maybe too youthful.
Is that a jump rope
in her hands?
223
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,148
You seem off your game,
Beverly.
224
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,217
There's just not
a lot of gold out there
at the moment.
225
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,685
And yet there is.
226
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,988
I brought just one candidate,
the perfect one.
227
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,525
Sweet Snow White,
she's pretty as a princess!
228
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,928
Dolores is even better
than a Disney princess...
She's real.
229
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,162
That's my number-one criteria.
230
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,064
There's gotta be
something wrong with her.
231
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,233
What is she,
uh, splotchy?
Blotchy?
232
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,636
Rashy? Acne-d?
Stinky? No pinkies?
233
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:49,937
None of those
are deal breakers!
234
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:53,807
She's normal and sweet
and kind and right
outside that door.
235
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,544
She's been
waiting outside
this whole time?
236
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,111
That's how confident I am.
237
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:03,551
Va-va-va-voom!
It's the woman
from the picture!
238
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,352
Hi, Bill.
I'm Dolores.
239
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,287
Hi, Bill.
I'm also Dolores. Oh!
240
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,322
I'm as nervous
as a June bride.
241
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:11,925
Would you like to grab
some coffee
or a lifetime of memories?
242
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:12,993
Coffee sounds fun.
243
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,194
Nice work, Jane!
244
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,129
(LAUGHS) Dolores!
(DOLORES LAUGHS)
245
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,732
How could you
bring that woman
into my home,
246
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,200
where my children sleep?
247
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:23,771
You're just upset
'cause now it's clear
who the best Yenta is.
248
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,806
Oh, please.
They have zero chemistry.
249
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,641
Oh, they're making out
on your lawn.
250
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,142
Damn it! I got to hit
the sprinklers.
251
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,211
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
struck out finding Bill love,
252
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,647
Barry was still determined
to get up to bat with Ren.
253
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:34,848
Hey!
254
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,150
Pops, it's a romantic
emergency.
255
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,686
I need to wow a gal.
256
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,288
It's easy...
Chocolates and daffodils.
257
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,757
Wrong. Adam, I've seen
the girls you drag home.
258
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,593
They're all better
than you.
I'm not that bad.
259
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,927
You're garbage,
and they're nines.
260
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,128
Tell me
your sorcerer's spell.
261
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:49,997
I guess I listen...
262
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,465
Shut up! I can't bear
to hear you drone on.
263
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,067
Pops, I'm back to you.
264
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,936
No, you're being a putz.
265
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,337
Adam,
I'm tagging you back in.
266
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,007
Just find something Ren
likes and do that.
267
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,209
As boring as that sounds,
that might work.
268
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,477
She needs a celebrity
for her charity telethon.
269
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,846
So get her a celebrity.
270
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,515
You'll be a hero,
and she'll shower you
with kisses.
271
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,950
I like this
shower-kiss plan.
272
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,885
Finally,
your tired brain kicked in.
273
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,622
But what celebrity can I score
on such short notice?
274
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:18,892
But I heard John Oates
of R&B super duo
Daryl Hall & John Oates
275
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,327
went to our dentist once.
276
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,963
It's decided!
Adam will pretend
to need a checkup,
277
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,732
break into the files,
278
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,000
retrieve Oates'
personal details,
279
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,102
bring 'em to me,
I'll cold-call him
280
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,971
and convince him
with my insurmountable charm
281
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,840
to play for whatever
charity this is for.
282
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,842
It's Earth Day.
And why can't you go?
283
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,345
I was just there
two years ago...
Too suspicious.
284
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:39,446
Move it!
Fine!
285
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,081
I'd rather be
at the dentist
than here.
286
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,050
(TELEPHONE DIALING)
So here I go, I guess.
287
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:47,755
Ren? Yep, I just locked down
Daryl Hall & John Oates
for your telethon.
288
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:48,922
REN: What?
Barry,
289
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,924
this is a terrible plan.
290
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,626
That's right!
Barry did it!
291
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,294
I'll have 'em there
tonight.
292
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,529
Oh, my God!
293
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:59,266
That's too soon for something
that'll never happen.
294
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,168
Sure, make yourself
feel better.
295
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,637
Daffodils?
I feel sad for you.
296
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,243
ADULT ADAM: Barry's
surefire way to secure
Daryl Hall & John Oates
297
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,246
was to send me
to the dentist.
Only one problem.
298
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,915
I had seven cavities, man!
299
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,918
No one cares about
your tragic dental hygiene.
300
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,352
Did you get
Oates' number?
301
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:22,489
I was sitting in that chair
for three hours
fighting for my life.
302
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,557
So stop drinking juice.
303
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,193
Oates me!
I did get something.
304
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,495
(GASPS) The world-famous lips
that wrote Maneater
305
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,330
are in my hands!
I guess.
306
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,232
How'd you score
these luscious choppers?
307
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,334
My brain was flying
so high on nitrous
308
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,770
that I lost all fear
or sense of morality.
309
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:38,138
Been there.
Go on.
310
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,240
Then I slipped on
a Highlights magazine,
311
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,475
crashed into a poster
about flossing,
312
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,777
but I swiped it.
313
00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,345
And look!
There's a phone number!
314
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,280
I did it!
I found Oates!
315
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,982
(TELEPHONE DIALING)
I did undergo
major oral surgery
316
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,250
and commit a misdemeanor,
317
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,219
but sure, you looked
at something in your hand.
318
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:55,756
Yes, I'd like
to ask John Oates
to be on a telethon.
319
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,891
What?
A lab in Arizona?
320
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:58,992
Pssh!
(RECEIVER CLACKS)
321
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,461
Yeah, we're not
getting John Oates.
Great!
322
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,997
I had a man's hand
in my mouth for hours,
all for nothing.
323
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:07,067
That man's hand inside of you
meant everything!
324
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,236
So there's only one
logical thing to do.
325
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,004
More carrots,
less Reese's Pieces?
326
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:15,442
You and I must become
Daryl Hall & John Oates.
327
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,711
Ooh, fun!
And... What?
328
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,013
I'll be Hall.
You'll be Oates.
329
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:23,683
And we'll nail our performance
with such utter perfection,
330
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:26,153
no one will be able
to distinguish us
from the real thing.
331
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,822
I'm still a little fuzzy from
the gas, but that seems right.
332
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,491
As Barry and I transformed
into music legends,
333
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,827
my dad was wondering
where his bandmate was.
334
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,196
Ah, the Phillies suck!
Where's Bill?
335
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,298
I need him to boo
our favorite team together.
336
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,499
Please.
337
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,334
Bill's probably waking up
in a bathtub full of ice
338
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,204
because Jane Bales' match
has taken his spleen,
liver, and nipple.
339
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,672
No one steals a nipple.
340
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,840
You don't know!
341
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,308
Those sensitive
little buttons
342
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,643
are in big demand
on the black market.
343
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,979
They put 'em in soups.
344
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,046
I guess I asked.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
345
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,015
Hey, hey, hey!
Beverly Goldberg!
346
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,317
There's my walking ray
of sunshine!
347
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,519
I suppose I do brighten
any room I'm in.
348
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,921
And my Mur-man.
349
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,556
Looks like this
big bowl of ice cream
could use a cherry on top.
350
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,657
Whoop!
351
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:05,859
Mwah!
Oh!
352
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,227
Ugh! Get off!
What's that smell?
353
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,863
Dial soap.
It's the fragrance
of bath time.
354
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,298
And you're wearing
a sweater.
355
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,000
It's something called
Merino wool.
356
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,835
It's not the best,
but it's not the worst.
357
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,369
So, y-you're happy?
358
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,172
Dolores is fun.
She's interesting.
She does stuff.
359
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,507
We went on a walk!
360
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,509
If you like walks so much,
sit down.
361
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,011
Steve Carlton's
about to give up another one.
362
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,745
No can do, my friend.
363
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,248
Dolores and I are going to
dinner at a restaurant.
364
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,150
You should come and see
how great she is for yourself.
365
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,751
We'll be there.
366
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,921
I'm gonna test her and see
if she really is a good match
367
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,755
or just another
Jane Bales dud.
368
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,725
Seems like you should just be
happy for me, but okay!
369
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,060
Ha-ha!
370
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,429
I'm gonna expose Dolores
for the fraud she is.
(DOOR CLOSES)
371
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:45,265
And Jane Bales
will be banned from
Yenta-ing forever.
372
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,900
Which one's Jane Bales,
again?
373
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,702
ADULT ADAM: And so
my mom set out to do
what she did best...
374
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,039
Systematically destroy
a budding relationship.
375
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,740
So, what's everybody
drinking?
376
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,942
Hm, Dolores?
377
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,510
Just six glasses of wine
because of your problem?
378
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:58,879
Oh, I'm kind of
a lightweight.
379
00:12:58,912 --> 00:12:59,980
(CHUCKLES)
I'll just have a beer.
380
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,882
Me too.
Good call!
381
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,551
(CHUCKLES)
We're still not
sure about you.
382
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,353
I have no opinion.
383
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,588
Oh, Dolores,
I see you looking at
384
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,892
the expensive side
of the menu, huh?
You like nice things?
385
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,193
Guilty as charged! (LAUGHS)
386
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:16,296
Aha! You're gonna bleed
Bill's already meager
life savings dry.
387
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,765
Oh, well, actually,
I make more money
than Bill.
388
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,100
She knows
fancy finance words
389
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,768
like "dividend"
and "checking account."
390
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,004
And you'll always
feel inferior
because of it.
391
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,806
Nuh-unh! I'm ready
for my full-time job
to be foot rubber.
392
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,241
Well, I'm hiring!
393
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,278
Yeah, well,
keep your hands off her dogs
while I'm eating my soup.
394
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,746
Beverly, I didn't know
when to bring this up,
395
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:36,416
but I am a huge fan
of your cookbook.
396
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,484
You are?
397
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,419
Would you mind
signing mine for me?
398
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,787
Here? Now?
399
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,090
I have my own
smudge-proof pen!
400
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,257
And please don't tell me
401
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,293
that you bedazzled
that gorgeous
sweater yourself.
402
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,929
I did bedazzle
this beauty myself.
403
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:52,299
How are you so amazing
and friends with Jane Bales?
404
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,101
Jane and I
aren't really friends.
405
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,803
Between you and me,
she's a strong cup of coffee.
406
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,605
She is a piece of (BLEEP).
407
00:13:58,638 --> 00:13:59,940
(LAUGHS)
408
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,275
Bill, we are so lucky
we found Dolores!
409
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,410
Aww!
410
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,811
ADULT ADAM: As my mom
warmed up to Dolores,
411
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,779
my brother and I
were comin' in hot.
412
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:07,948
Sorry I'm late.
413
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,983
I got sidetracked
hugging some trees outside.
414
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,618
I cannot
thank you enough.
415
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:12,852
So, where are they?
416
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,287
They're preparing
all their hits.
417
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,622
You can announce
them in five.
418
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,224
(SQUEALS, LAUGHS)
You're the best.
419
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,162
Without knowing any facts,
what incredibly stupid thing
did you do?
420
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,631
He promised her that
Daryl Hall & John Oates
would perform,
421
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,533
but instead, we are.
What?
422
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,667
I'm gonna go try
and get ready,
423
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,835
even though there's no way.
424
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,704
Barry,
please don't do this.
425
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,206
I see what this is!
426
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,474
You're cheesesteaking me!
427
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,509
You're telling me
to do the opposite
428
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:37,710
of what will make Ren happy
429
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:38,912
'cause you don't want us
to be together.
430
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,981
I promise I am not
cheesesteaking you.
431
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,515
I'm trying
to protect you.
432
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,517
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my pleasure
433
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:48,621
to welcome Philadelphia's
very own
Daryl Hall & John Oates!
434
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,057
See you at our wedding!
435
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,992
ADULT ADAM: Yeah,
we thought of everything.
436
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,661
Except for the part
where we both dressed
as the same rock star.
437
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,364
You're supposed
to be Oates, dummy!
438
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,099
I am Oates!
You're supposed to be Hall!
439
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,333
This is what Hall
looks like!
440
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,702
* Oh-oh, here she comes
441
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,104
Dude,
Hall's the tall blond!
442
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,738
Oates is
the mustachioed one!
443
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:08,041
* Oh-oh, here she comes
444
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,676
You need to sing
the Hall parts!
445
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,311
I just know
the backing vocals!
446
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:12,946
* Oh-oh, here she comes
447
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,547
What are we gonna do?
448
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,549
I guess you sing
the part you know.
449
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,551
* Oh-oh, here she comes
450
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:19,652
* She's a m... *
451
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,654
(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYS)
452
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,023
What the hell, Barry?
453
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,192
I'm sorry.
Let us do Rich Girl!
454
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,127
No! I don't want you to do
anything ever again.
455
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,228
Just leave.
456
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,430
Oh, no.
I warned you.
457
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,698
This is all your fault!
458
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,100
Me? How am I
to blame for this?
459
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,535
If you were honest with me
in the first place,
460
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:38,138
I would've
listened to you now!
Thanks for nothing.
461
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,540
(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)
462
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,975
And why did you
agree to this?
463
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,543
Honestly, the last thing
I remember
464
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,045
is a dental assistant
asking me
465
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,846
if I had someone
to drive me home.
466
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:50,450
ADULT ADAM: As we flamed out,
Jane Bales was burning mad
at my mom.
467
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,585
Beverly Goldberg!
How could you?
468
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,055
You can't prove it,
and I'll deny it
to my grave!
469
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,323
Also, what is this about?
470
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,624
Dolores broke up with Bill.
471
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,759
She said she thought
we weren't a good fit.
472
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,062
But she's the ham
to my pocket filled with ham.
473
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,864
Which means you clearly did
something to sabotage them.
474
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:07,567
I mean, I went to dinner
with the intention
of doing something,
475
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,768
but then I liked her.
476
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,638
You just couldn't handle
that I found Bill love
and not you.
477
00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,873
I still remember
the last place we kissed.
478
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:14,941
Mouths.
479
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,177
Why, Beverly?
Why do you hate love?
480
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,278
I didn't do this!
481
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,080
Who would do this
if it wasn't you?
482
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:21,248
It was me, okay?
483
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,283
Murray?
What did you do
to that woman?
484
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,320
I just told her that Bill was
so crushed after his wife left
485
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,656
that he wasn't ready
for another relationship.
486
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:30,757
Why?
487
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,992
It was just
all happening too fast.
488
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,828
I saw you all these years
destroyed by love,
489
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,897
and I didn't want to
see it happen again.
490
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,632
But Dolores
makes me happy.
491
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,468
I was just looking
out for you, buddy.
492
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,935
If you were
really my buddy,
493
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,671
you wouldn't have
sucker-punched my heart.
494
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:45,938
Bill...
No!
495
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,040
Murray,
maybe you're right.
496
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,376
Maybe I'm meant
to be alone.
497
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,678
(SIGHING) I knew I didn't
need to get my doorbell fixed.
498
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,950
ADULT ADAM: Barry's attempt
to wow Ren didn't exactly
go as planned.
499
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,920
I can't believe we both
dressed up like Daryl Hall.
500
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:04,023
Oates! We're both Oates!
How are you still
not getting that?
501
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:06,025
I guess I just
screw up everything.
502
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:07,760
Stupid mustache.
503
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,028
Oww! Ohh!
504
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,497
Just take it off
like this.
505
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,931
On, off.
506
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,600
On, off.
507
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,001
Oates, Hall.
508
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,369
Oates, Hall.
509
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,504
Mine doesn't do that.
510
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,938
What kind of adhesive
did you use?
511
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,307
The stuff
Dad seals the tub with.
512
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,209
That's not meant
for the human face!
513
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,843
This bagel duster's
gonna be on forever!
514
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:24,877
Hey.
515
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,346
Hey.
516
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,648
Yeah, I'll let
you guys talk.
517
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,952
How's it going?
518
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,854
(SIGHS) Not so great.
519
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,357
I embarrassed myself
in front of a girl I like,
520
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,392
but even worse,
I let her down.
521
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,494
Why'd you lie about
Daryl Hall & John Oates?
522
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:42,895
I thought
I could get them.
523
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:46,399
And I tried, but I-I only
ended up with their teeth.
524
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,368
(SIGHS)
I feel like
there's more there,
525
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,370
but I'm just
not gonna ask.
526
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,406
I'm sorry
I ruined your telethon.
527
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,342
Here's the thing,
you didn't.
528
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:57,910
Everyone thought it was
some goofy comedy act
529
00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:00,447
called Oates & Oates,
so we got a ton of donations.
530
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,082
So I kinda helped?
531
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,584
You kinda did.
532
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,420
But next time,
just talk to me.
533
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:10,390
I wanted to,
but you were so busy,
534
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:14,261
and Erica convinced me you
only kissed me on spring break
because it was your vacation.
535
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:15,962
Well, she doesn't know
everything.
536
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,064
You kinda like me, too?
537
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,168
(CHUCKLES) A guy that would
go through all of this effort
538
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,902
to support something
that's important to me...
539
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:26,606
What's not to like?
540
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,209
(DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES'
KISS ON MY LIST PLAYS)
541
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:30,410
Wait.
This isn't right.
542
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,313
Oh, no. 'Cause I'm not
a viable romantic partner?
543
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,382
(CHUCKLES)
No, dummy.
544
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:36,516
This!
545
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,785
Oww! Ohh!
(LAUGHS)
546
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,387
* Because your kiss,
your kiss is on my list
547
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:43,856
ADULT ADAM: The truth is,
we all do crazy stuff
for the people we care about,
548
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,392
even if it doesn't
always work out.
549
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,627
I don't get it.
I thought you wanted
Bill to be happy.
550
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,230
I do.
551
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,098
I just didn't want to
see him get hurt again.
552
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:57,570
Honestly, you not supporting
your friend hurts more.
553
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,506
Well, that's not
what I want.
554
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,740
Bill's the best.
555
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,309
He deserves
all the good stuff.
556
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,911
Then tell him that.
557
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,614
Not talking to each other,
it's kind of our thing.
558
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,684
Well, maybe
it shouldn't be.
559
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,920
* Because your kiss,
your kiss is on my list
560
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,788
Oh, it's you.
561
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,324
I was kinda hoping
you were somebody else.
562
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,625
Here she is.
563
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,692
Hi, Bill.
564
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,428
My gummy bear's back!
565
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:22,795
(BOTH LAUGH)
566
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:24,897
I'll give you guys
a minute.
567
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,132
Okay.
568
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,900
(INHALES DEEPLY)
569
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:30,637
Listen, what I said about
not wanting you to get hurt?
570
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:31,704
It's true.
I meant it.
571
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:32,905
I appreciate that.
572
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,774
Here's the thing...
573
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:37,009
I don't have
a lot of people
in my life.
574
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,345
You're my friend.
575
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,612
My one friend.
576
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,013
Right back atcha.
577
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:45,552
We spend every Sunday
watching TV at my house,
578
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:48,321
and the thought of that
not happening...
579
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,490
That's a thought
you don't need to have.
580
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:51,791
There's not
a woman in the world
581
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,493
that can come between me
and my best bud.
582
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,161
Really?
Really.
583
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,696
Now bring it in.
584
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,398
Let old Bill
get his arms around you.
585
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,636
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
accepting what makes
the people you love happy
586
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:06,038
can make us all
happier in the end.
587
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,040
Hey, I'll grab you
another slice.
588
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,177
You sure you're okay
with this?
589
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,645
Yeah, I suppose.
590
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:15,181
I mean, you are
two of my favorite people.
591
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,683
ADULT ADAM: 'Cause when
we open our hearts,
592
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,852
we can all find new ways
to grow... Together.
593
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,522
Enjoy your game.
We're going shopping.
594
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:26,493
After all, sharing moments
with people we love,
both old and new...
595
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,061
That's one of
the best things in life.
596
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:33,566
* When I turn out the lights *
597
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,370
Hi. I'm Wendi
McLendon-Covey,
598
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,006
and I play Beverly Goldberg
on The Goldbergs.
599
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,141
We have a character
called Bill Lewis,
600
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,610
and I've got some
questions for you.
601
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,312
What advice
would you give someone
602
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:48,315
who's going to work
for Beverly Goldberg?
603
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,383
Wear a set of earplugs.
(LAUGHS)
604
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,886
Well, that's it.
605
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,155
The Earth Day telethon
is over for another year.
606
00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:57,624
You should be
so proud of yourself.
607
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,225
I mean, you filled
two straight days
608
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,693
with wall-to-wall
entertainment.
609
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,563
I guess, but I still didn't
get anyone famous.
610
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:04,797
Damn it!
611
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:07,567
I was so close
to Daryl Hall & John Oates.
612
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,602
(STRUMMING GUITAR)
* Whoa-oh, here she come *
613
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:12,439
What the hell, man?
Are you mocking me?
614
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,441
Oh, no, I-I was just
messing around.
615
00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:15,808
I-I'm sorry.
You should be.
616
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,209
But me and my buddy,
we got this band,
617
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:18,745
and I thought
maybe next year...
Hard no.
618
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,580
But don't you guys got
a bunch of hours to fill?
619
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,082
Hard no!
Sweet 'stache, though.
620
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,118
Oh, well, thanks.
It's, uh, kinda my thing.
621
00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:27,219
(BELL DINGS)
47549
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