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1
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,471
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
every kid was obsessed
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,773
with professional wrestling's
greatest superstars.
3
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,075
Especially me!
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,443
You're gonna feel pain
you've never known,
Iron Sheik!
5
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,645
Bodyslam! (GRUNTS)
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,247
(CREAKS)
7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,449
You moron!
You broke the bed!
8
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,151
And The Iron Sheik's spine,
9
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:19,019
so American values
are preserved!
10
00:00:19,053 --> 00:00:20,621
Where do you come from?
11
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:22,790
ADULT ADAM:
Yep. We even made movies
about wrestling.
12
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,625
But no one loved it
more than Barry.
13
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:26,960
Listen up, Hulkamaniacs,
14
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:30,498
you better eat your vitamins
and say your prayers
15
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,666
'cause these 24-inch pythons
16
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,902
are gonna have lots
to say about it, brother!
17
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,271
(GLASS SHATTERS)
Ow, my toe!
18
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:39,507
Dammit! This is why
we can't have nice lamps!
19
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,041
Chad did it!
What?
20
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:44,545
He's very aggressive
and should know better
as a guest in our home!
21
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,280
I do know better,
which is why I didn't!
22
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,881
And just throw some lies
23
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,651
on top of your trail
of destruction, Chad!
24
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:51,719
This guy.
25
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,654
We were just making
a wrestling film.
26
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:56,790
Well, now you're just
sitting in my lampless room
making nothing.
27
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,226
I'm shutting it down!
28
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,461
Check it out!
Dad's wrestling the camera!
29
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:01,895
ALL: (CHANTING)
Cam-er-a!
30
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:03,564
MURRAY: Where's the button,
something?
31
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,798
ALL: Cam-er-a!
Damn it!
32
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,866
(CAMERA THUDS)
That's it!
33
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,335
No more wrestling
in this house.
34
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,671
No more TV, no more dolls,
all holds barred!
35
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,373
What about my monthly
wrestling magazine?
36
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,541
Subscription cancelled!
37
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,343
Or the Rock 'n' Wrestling
coloring book?
38
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:16,644
I want your crayons, too!
39
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,712
What about the Wrestling Stars
board game?
You lose!
40
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,348
Sling-'Em Fling-'Em
Wrestling Ring?
41
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,415
Why would anyone want that?
42
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:24,252
"Macho Man" Randy Savage
plush wrestling buddy?
43
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,919
I swear you said
that one already.
44
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,255
Wrestling Superstars
Thumb Wrestlers?
45
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,822
Did I buy you all these?
46
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,424
"The Honky Tonk Man's" guitar?
47
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,759
Now you're just
making these up!
48
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,327
Jesse
"The Body" Ventura's boa.
49
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:34,828
Be careful with that.
It's your sister's.
50
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,165
Hulk Hogan's glasses.
I've been looking for those!
51
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,899
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake's
hedge clippers.
52
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,434
Those belong in the garage!
53
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:43,337
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine,
master of
the figure four leglock.
54
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:44,572
Who's naming these guys?
55
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,607
Or "The British Bulldog's"
teacups.
Cheerio.
56
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,108
Those are for good company!
57
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,110
Or my "Rowdy" Roddy Piper
stretch wrestler?
58
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:53,581
That's actually my
Rowdy Roddy Piper
stretch wrestler!
59
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,617
No, it's my Rowdy Roddy Piper
stretch wrestler!
60
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,253
You lost
your Rowdy Roddy Piper
stretch wrestler at the zoo!
61
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,788
Damn it!
I said no wrestling!
62
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,357
This isn't wrestling!
This is real fighting!
63
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:07,595
Now gimme back
my Rowdy Roddy Piper
stretch wrestler, you...
64
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,230
(GROANS)
65
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,064
* I'm twisted up inside
66
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:14,368
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
67
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,406
* I don't know the future
68
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,375
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
69
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,543
(DOORBELL RINGS)
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00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,812
ADULT ADAM:
It was November 6,
1980-something,
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00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,947
and trouble was brewing
in Jenkintown.
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00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,949
Oh, gosh, Bevy,
I'm a wreck.
73
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,651
Someone broke into my car
last night.
(DOOR CLOSES)
74
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:31,752
Oh, no!
75
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,654
They put a giant hole
in my windshield.
76
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,256
You know, Geoff had
the same thing happen
77
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,824
to his crappy car
last night.
78
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,926
Yeah, someone put a hole
in my windshield, too.
79
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,160
And in my sense
of well-being.
80
00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:42,763
Two separate
vehicle attacks?
81
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:43,931
(SCOFFS)
82
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,466
There's only one
possible explanation.
83
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,167
Something reasonable
that ends here?
84
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,271
A massive crime spree
has hit Jenkintown,
85
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,172
and we have to do
something about it.
86
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,442
ADULT ADAM: And so,
my mom did just that.
87
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,510
Thank you for coming,
everyone.
88
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,112
I've got
Officer Puchinski here
to give us some tips
89
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,282
about how to deal
with this crime wave
90
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,684
and make sure that nobody
gets decapitated.
91
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,818
Decapitated?
92
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,186
It's just a hole
in my windshield!
93
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,155
Well, that's how it starts,
Geoffrey.
94
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,423
Do you have any enemies?
95
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,492
Well, the sun
is no friend of mine.
96
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,593
I freckle up fierce.
97
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,695
We're not talking about
your gross skin.
98
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,963
We're talking about someone
99
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,765
that might want
to separate your head
100
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:18,966
from your shoulders
101
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,668
and do
God knows what with it.
102
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,835
Somebody please do something!
103
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,705
Officer, any leads on who
might lop off Geoff's head?
104
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,674
Nope. But I suppose
you can start
105
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:27,841
with a neighborhood watch.
106
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:28,976
You know, pick a captain
107
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,043
and walk around
the neighborhood.
108
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:31,812
Well, then it's settled.
(CHUCKLES)
109
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,681
Everyone will sleep
safely tonight
110
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,616
knowing that
Captain Beverly Goldberg
111
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,784
is your champion of peace...
112
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,185
JANE: I'll do it.
113
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,554
ADULT ADAM:
It was our neighbor,
Jane Bales,
114
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,055
the one person in town
115
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:45,726
who was even
more Beverly Goldberg
than Beverly Goldberg.
116
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,728
Oh. Jane.
117
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,862
How cute.
118
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,899
I think, though, everybody
agrees I should be captain
119
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,901
because Beverly Goldberg
gets things done.
120
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,969
Except the person
who really gets things done
121
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,338
is Jane Bales.
122
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:00,040
(LAUGHS) Well, she gets
'em done without a coaster
123
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,509
(CHUCKLING) apparently.
124
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,577
Let me tell you how Bevy G
gets things done.
125
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,379
I'm the kinda lady
126
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:08,716
who will return a bathing suit
without a receipt.
127
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,850
Big whoop.
128
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,385
I returned a bathing suit
without a receipt
129
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,987
after wearing it for a year.
(ALL GASP)
130
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:17,758
I once returned
just an elastic waistband
131
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,860
to a store
I didn't even buy it from
132
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,595
because that is what
kinda nightmare I am.
133
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:22,830
I returned a one-piece
134
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,999
I didn't even have
in my possession to a bank.
135
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:29,069
Oh, yeah, I am a walking demon
on this Earth.
136
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,338
(ALL GASP)
137
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,673
Most importantly,
what exactly is your plan
138
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,207
to keep
our neighborhood safe?
139
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,910
I thought we would develop
some signals
140
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:40,514
in case there are, uh,
cutthroats or marauders
141
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,182
on the street,
142
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,684
you know, like...
143
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:47,421
(CAWING)
144
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,289
Bird noises.
That's Beverly's plan.
145
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,958
Here's mine.
146
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,693
(ALL GASPING)
Can you just hold that?
147
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,194
I've listed
10 different ways
148
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,029
to keep
our neighborhood safe,
149
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,466
from posting signs
to installing better lights.
150
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,701
So well researched.
Beautiful typography.
151
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:01,902
Elegant, like her.
152
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,904
Oh, shut your holes,
you gassy nags!
153
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,407
Wow. We should probably
vote right now.
154
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,076
Or we can
postpone the vote
155
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,645
until I can bedazzle
a poster board myself.
156
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,746
Yay! We're doing that.
157
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,748
No. I'm not coming back here.
158
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:17,317
Who wants this lady
as captain?
159
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,788
How dare you?
You old toads!
160
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,222
She has good plans, Bevy.
161
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,491
Officer, I'm losing.
162
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:26,660
Take out your gun
and make me captain.
No.
163
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:28,562
While my mom
lost her bid for captain,
164
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,899
my brother and I were hoping
to win big with our dad.
165
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,267
Father, out of respect
for you and "Manimal,"
166
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,469
we waited for
a commercial.
167
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,570
Indeed.
168
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,739
But the most important event
in human history,
169
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,574
WrestleMania IV,
is happening,
170
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:41,842
and we humbly seek
your help.
171
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,244
This request
is merely financial.
172
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,579
And since you know
we respect
173
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:48,081
the enraging-yet-reasonable
wrestling ban
174
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,983
due to broken lamps
and Barry's toe,
175
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,284
which is healing
ahead of schedule...
176
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:53,020
It is way not,
but such is life.
177
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:57,691
...all we need is the measly
pay-per-view fee of $24.95
178
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,594
to view
the aforementioned event
in the basement.
179
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,295
To express our desires,
180
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,432
we've put together
a music and dance
181
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,435
laser-light extravaganza.
182
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:08,669
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
* WrestleMania IV
183
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,803
* WrestleMania
* WrestleMania IV
184
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:10,871
* WrestleMania*
185
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,840
The front row
will get wet.
186
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,341
Get that garbage bag
away from me.
187
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,876
Wait, before you say no...
Yes.
188
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,512
You cheap old bastard!
I've never liked you!
189
00:06:18,546 --> 00:06:19,680
Wait. What?
190
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,048
Here you go.
191
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,383
And, uh, throw it on
on the TV upstairs
so I can watch it, too.
192
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,785
BOTH: Uh...
193
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,053
And afterwards,
the three of us
194
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,188
can head to Bookbinder's
for some crab,
make a night out of it.
195
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,523
Dad, respectfully,
196
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,124
did you fall off
the toilet again?
197
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,393
Yeah, since when do you want
to watch wrestling
198
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,962
or spend money
or be with us?
199
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,464
Since now!
200
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,199
Can't a dad have
a little bonding time
with his sons?
201
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,301
A dad can,
but not our dad.
202
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,236
Just buy the damn wrestling,
morons!
203
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,773
There's our guy!
That feels right!
204
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:49,009
Murray, you don't just
inject yourself
205
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,744
into their lives
like it's normal.
206
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:51,845
What's going on?
207
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:55,015
Remember that, uh,
dermatologist I saw last year?
208
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,484
I knew I'd outlive you.
209
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,519
No. My skin is perfect.
210
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,021
But the doctor, not so much.
He's dead.
211
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,723
Dr. Lewenstein?
212
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,758
He was younger than you
and very active.
213
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,093
Yeah, well,
it didn't matter.
214
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:07,695
One day, he's camping
with his kids,
215
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,530
the next day,
poof, he's gone.
216
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,398
He always
had his shirt off.
217
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,667
Abs like a xylophone.
We get it.
218
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,669
The point is, if something
like that happened to me,
219
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:18,839
my kids wouldn't even be able
to say that we went camping.
220
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,373
Barry hates camping.
221
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,175
He can barely poop indoors.
222
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,945
Camping is just an example.
It could be anything.
223
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,847
Otherwise, what are they
gonna say about me?
224
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,049
That you had the decency
to keep your shirt on.
225
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,383
And you're Bruce Lee?
226
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:31,852
Look, you've been saying
all year
227
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,921
how you want to make
some memories with the kids.
228
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,455
Now's your chance.
229
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,757
That's what I'm doing.
230
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:40,027
I'm throwing away good money
to watch something I hate.
231
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,395
That's a memory
that'll last forever.
232
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,031
You wanna make it special?
233
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,099
Take them to see it
in person.
234
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,435
ADULT ADAM:
As our dad considered
taking us to WrestleMania,
235
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,870
our mom wasn't gonna take
236
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,272
being out-voted
as neighborhood watch captain.
237
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,974
Thanks for the ride,
Mrs. G.
238
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,409
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
239
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:58,445
Oh, you're not here
to see Erica.
Get comfy.
240
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,281
This is an old-fashioned
stakeout. Here.
241
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,950
I made coffee
and hot dogs.
242
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,652
Oh, no, thank you.
243
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,754
Hot dogs kind of jack up
my stomach,
244
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,988
and also, what's happening
right now?
245
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,422
See those idiots
over there?
246
00:08:09,456 --> 00:08:10,891
GEOFF: You mean my mom
and her friends?
247
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,593
We're gonna make sure
those baked potatoes
248
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,828
don't compromise the safety
of the entire neighborhood.
249
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,231
So, we're like
the Neighborhood Watch Watch?
250
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:19,432
For all we know,
251
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,268
one of those shaved bears
could be the culprit.
252
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,903
You mean, like, my mom
who I love?
253
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,237
Quiet. Somebody's coming.
254
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:25,906
Oh, no. Is it
the axe-wielding maniac?
255
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:27,641
I'll protect you!
256
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,643
Hey, cheggit.
My boyfriend and mom
257
00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,478
are mashed together
in the front seat of a car.
258
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,646
We're on duty,
259
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,682
so beat it
before you blow our cover!
260
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,450
Yeah, I hate to disturb
whatever this is,
261
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:38,819
but, um,
what are you doing?
262
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:39,953
She tricked me into spying
263
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,088
on the neighborhood watch
with her.
264
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,990
Oh. Well, here's an idea
for a big boy.
265
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,625
Come with me.
266
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,193
Don't you dare
open that door,
267
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,628
or so help me,
you're off the squad.
268
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:49,296
Oh, no. Then there wouldn't
be a squad.
269
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:51,331
Erica, get in or get out.
270
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,700
Oh, tough one.
271
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,534
Dammit, they made us!
272
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,803
Beverly?
273
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,138
We rang your bell
to come join us.
274
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,472
Oh.
275
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:02,943
Well, I was busy enjoying
a cool afternoon
276
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,344
with my daughter's
boyfriend.
277
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,113
Are you okay, Geoffrey?
No.
278
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,481
Strange, you girls are going
East to West.
279
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,717
The light's not as good.
280
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:10,818
You know,
if I were captain...
281
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,286
Well, you can stop
right there.
Because you're not.
282
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,222
Well, I'm going this way.
Who's with me?
283
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,991
Bevy, Jane's the captain.
284
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,560
Well, you've left me
no choice.
285
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:23,030
I am starting
my own Neighborhood Watch.
286
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,199
Come on, Geoff!
287
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,069
Sorry, Mama.
I guess I got to go
with my girlfriend's mom.
288
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,838
See ya at dinner,
I hope.
289
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,973
ADULT ADAM:
As our mom was starting
her own watch,
290
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:36,243
our dad and Pops were waiting
in line for the big event.
291
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,878
This is great, Mur.
292
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,180
Seeing the sweaty
muscle men live
293
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,983
is way better than
watching it on TV.
294
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,484
ADULT ADAM:
This was it.
295
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,686
My dad
was finally gonna spend
296
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,254
his hard-earned money
on us kids
297
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,189
to make a memory
that would last a lifetime.
298
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,658
Or not.
299
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:51,859
Sold out?
300
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,426
This makes no sense.
301
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,762
What are we gonna do?
302
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,063
The only thing
we can do,
303
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,431
that's go home
and never try again.
304
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,735
No, Murray,
you can't stop now!
305
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,904
What about a scalper?
306
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,940
(GROANS) Stop coming up
with solutions!
307
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,777
Oh!
Looks like we got a couple
wrestling fans right here.
308
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:12,545
How would you like
some primo seats
to WrestleMania
309
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,381
and/or
some heavily discounted,
310
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,716
unlicensed merchandise?
311
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,851
Who's "Ander the Gaint"?
312
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,987
The misspelling makes it
a collector's item.
313
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,388
Just three
of your best seats.
314
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:22,756
You are in my luck,
my friend.
315
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,224
I got three
in the third row.
316
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:27,127
And to see those jacked,
glistening bodies that close,
317
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,429
it's only gonna set you back
400 bucks.
318
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,431
(GRUNTS)
Just give me the tickets.
319
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,802
Cage-side seats?
This is amazing!
320
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,970
We're gonna have
the greatest day
of our lives!
321
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,972
Hell, yeah, we are!
Wait. You're going, too?
322
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,875
Yeah. I wouldn't let you go
to Wrestletown without me.
WrestleMania.
323
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:44,311
I can't wait to see
Hunk Hoggins.
Hulk Hogan.
324
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,713
And Andy Macho
Dan Rather.
325
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,080
Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
326
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:48,315
All the greats!
327
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,985
Okay, I don't know
what Dad's up to,
328
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,821
but he's definitely
gonna embarrass us
329
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:56,389
in front of those taste-makers
and men-about-town
330
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:59,492
who attend professional
wrestling events.
What do we do?
331
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,428
He did buy us
amazing seats,
332
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:02,996
so there's only
one thing to do.
333
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,264
ADULT ADAM:
Support our father.
334
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:05,332
Ditch him.
335
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,599
ADULT ADAM: Or that.
336
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,137
It had been one day
since our mom decided
337
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,907
she was going to compete with
Jane Bales' neighborhood watch
and form her own.
338
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:17,644
Welcome to the first meeting
of the newer, much better
neighborhood watch.
339
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,346
I'm only here
to do my laundry.
340
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,748
Roll. Don't fold.
341
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:21,949
Now, I've gone over
this map,
342
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,050
and I have determined
343
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,485
that all of the car break-ins
in this neighborhood
344
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,454
have happened on this block.
345
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,688
Oh, no! A pattern!
346
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:31,058
It's two pushpins, Geoff.
You see it, too!
347
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,860
Which is why I acquired
348
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,462
this state-of-the-art
surveillance technology.
349
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:36,797
That's how
the CIA does it.
350
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,298
Next, our cutting-edge
351
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,300
cordless communication
devices.
352
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,202
Adam's
G.I. Joe walkie-talkies?
353
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,436
Mine's shaped like
a cobra!
354
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,505
And finally,
official jackets.
355
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,340
GEOFF:
So many unnecessary words!
356
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,843
And yet, not enough to explain
how stupid this is.
357
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:50,911
Oh, it says
"Geoff."
358
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,312
They're never
gonna see us coming.
359
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:54,748
Hey, look,
Beverly's coming.
360
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,649
Good afternoon,
Jane Bales
361
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,819
and her crew of
puffy-faced misfits.
362
00:11:58,852 --> 00:11:59,987
Beverly, give it up.
363
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,522
The neighborhood
does not need two watches.
364
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,025
I agree.
And I accept
your resignation
365
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,827
and embarrassing
tearful apology.
366
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,862
Are you okay, Geoffrey?
I don't know.
367
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,630
Excuse me a sec.
(STATIC HISSES)
368
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:13,666
Erica, go for Chief of
Enforcement Bev. Over?
(STATIC HISSES)
369
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,735
Mom, I told you I don't
want any part of this.
370
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,570
(STATIC HISSES)
What's that?
A disturbance. Over?
371
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:18,738
(STATIC HISSES)
ERICA:
Please leave me alone.
372
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,373
(STATIC HISSES)
BEVERLY: A 521?
373
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,975
Copy that. Over!
(STATIC HISSES)
374
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,211
You keep saying "over,"
but then it's not over.
375
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,779
(STATIC HISSES)
Chief of Enforcement
signing off.
376
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:26,880
(STATIC HISSES)
377
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,248
Well, we must go.
378
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,650
And while you're
standing around
letting your bodies go to rot,
379
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,086
we'll be keeping mayhem
off the streets.
380
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,088
Lock and load, Schwartz!
Load what?
381
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,457
Just follow me.
Okay, then.
382
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,326
Bye, Mom.
383
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,393
Take a bag of nuts.
384
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,996
Don't talk to her.
385
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,865
ADULT ADAM:
While our mom headed out
to find crime,
386
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,399
my brother and I
were planning
387
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,935
to lose our dad
at WrestleMania.
388
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,203
Okay, let's go over
Operation Ditch Dad
389
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,404
one more time.
Okay!
390
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,572
When we arrive,
391
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,207
we immediately ask Dad
392
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,743
to buy us a ton
of WrestleMania merch.
393
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,711
And then we head over
to this food station
394
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:01,781
and have Dad buy us each
a giant 64-ounce Slushie.
395
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,316
Then his bladder will fill,
396
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,953
and he'll have to rush
to the restroom.
397
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,521
At that point, we go to
the other side of the cage
398
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,257
and exchange our tickets
399
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,125
with some jacked
wrestling bros.
400
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,194
Then Dad will return
to his seat,
401
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,965
see the jacked bros,
be enraged and confused,
402
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,799
and decide
to take a nap in his car.
403
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:21,168
It's utterly foolproof.
404
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,302
You know, unless our dad
405
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,237
actually wants
to spend time with us.
406
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:27,107
We're talking about our dad
actually being a dad?
407
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,209
And maybe we should actually
enjoy the day
408
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,144
as if we were regular kids
who know love
409
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,880
from a male figure
in their lives.
410
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,449
And he won't embarrass us
and it'll actually be fun?
411
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,451
Hey, hey, hey!
Let's do this!
412
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,087
Dad?
What the hell, man?
413
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,422
I've been watching wrestling.
I love "Ding Dong" Randy.
414
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,557
It's "King Kong" Bundy.
415
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:47,127
And why are you wearing
Erica's old bathing suit?
416
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,162
'Cause it's what
a good dad does.
417
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,698
Here, one of you
Hulk-a-mannequins
hold my keys. (CLICKS TONGUE)
418
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,066
So we stick
with the plan?
419
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,334
We stick
with the plan.
420
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:55,969
And maybe get him a robe
on the way out.
421
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,838
As we were hoping to avoid
the most embarrassing dad
alive,
422
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,440
our mom was dead set
423
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,475
on proving her value
as watch captain.
424
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,611
Please tell me
you're here
to call a truce.
425
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,745
And that I can have
my son back.
426
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,414
Or did you come here
to call us
beefy jelly-bellies
427
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,481
and shame us?
428
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,617
Virginia was closest.
(CHUCKLES)
429
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,752
Here's a detailed list
of infractions
430
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,354
your watch
failed to prevent.
431
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,622
Beverly, just let it go.
432
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:16,756
BEVERLY: November 8th,
433
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,326
teens skateboarding in street
with boom boxes blaring.
434
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,194
BevWatch sprays them
with garden hose,
435
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,596
assures them, "There's more
where that came from."
436
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,165
You're just being petty
and jealous.
437
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,100
When it comes to the safety
of this neighborhood,
438
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,835
there is no length
I won't go to.
439
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:29,937
Stop everything.
440
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,871
I just discovered
my car's windshield
441
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,473
had a rock
tossed through it!
442
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,808
Damn it! I need to
get back out there.
443
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,144
I can't believe
I wasted time
444
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,745
talking to you
haggard pumpkins!
445
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:39,846
No need.
446
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,048
Because I think
you'll discover
447
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,682
the person
who committed this crime
448
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,485
is none other
than Beverly Goldberg.
449
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:46,553
(ALL GASP)
450
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,555
I don't think I like
what you're implying, Jane.
451
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:49,756
And there was
a note attached.
452
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,326
(ALL GASP)
BEVERLY: Wait.
453
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,827
You all think
that I would do this?
454
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,064
It is something
you might say.
Have said.
455
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,831
Yeah. Like a lot.
In front of
our children.
456
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:02,002
In that case, um,
(BLEEP) you...
(ALL GASP)
457
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,904
...and your (BLEEP) frazzled
(BLEEP) faces.
458
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,874
I know that doesn't
help my case.
459
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,376
But (BLEEP) all of you.
460
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,078
ADULT ADAM:
As my mom felt set up,
461
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,213
my brother and I
were ready for a smackdown.
462
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,982
Holy crap!
463
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,050
Dad, these seats
are amazing.
464
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,885
And Hulk Hogan
and Andre the Giant
465
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,854
are about to face off
in arguably
the most famous match
466
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,890
in wrestling history,
now or ever!
467
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,226
(WHOOPS)
Wrestling with my boys!
468
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,328
Coming off the top rope
for a hug!
469
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,097
(LAUGHING) Whoa.
Mm!
470
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,564
That was
a fun interaction.
471
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:35,002
Dad's being super weird
and affectionate,
and I kinda love it.
472
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,869
He's being the father
we've always wanted.
473
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,071
It's really off-putting.
474
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,839
Yo, I think
you're in our seats.
475
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,941
Nah, nah, nah, pal.
We're all good.
476
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,143
These are fake.
477
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,012
No, they're not.
(SCOFFS)
478
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,079
Oh, balls!
479
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:49,082
WhistleMania,
a whistling competition.
480
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,450
What? Whistling?
481
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,253
That's for tea kettles
and letting a lady
know she's pretty.
482
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,321
Come on. Let's go.
483
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,123
No! No way!
We're not leaving.
484
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,424
I'm getting security.
485
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,260
What is happening?
Are we getting kicked out of
WrestleMania IV?
486
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,794
There's the Hulkster!
Go, Hulk!
487
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:02,895
Whoo!
488
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,797
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
Oh! It's starting!
489
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,133
And we're gonna
miss it all!
490
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,136
And to think,
we actually felt guilty
about ditching you!
491
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,771
Wait, you were gonna ditch me
even though
I bought you tickets?
492
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,806
You didn't buy us tickets.
These are fakes.
493
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,076
If you really wanted
to spend time with us,
494
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,444
you'd know
we hate whistling.
495
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,645
Here comes
Andre the Giant!
496
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,280
Oh, man, Hulk's
gonna crush you, bro!
497
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,881
You wanna know
why I did it?
498
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,683
Because I had a health thing,
okay?
499
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,486
My doctor
scared the hell out of me.
500
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,155
Wait. What?
Dad, are you okay?
501
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,522
I'm fine.
502
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:32,125
But it made me realize
I'm not gonna be
around forever,
503
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,794
and I wanted to make
some memories with you guys,
504
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,828
at least one memory.
505
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,134
Sir, I'm gonna have
to ask you to come with me.
506
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,503
Well, since you were gonna
ditch me,
507
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,672
I can assume
you'll find a ride home.
508
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,674
Ohh!
That had to hurt!
509
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,109
(MAN LAUGHS)
510
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,278
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
511
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,182
ADULT ADAM:
Our mom had been accused
of a crime,
512
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:56,649
and she wasn't
going to let it stand.
513
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,586
Thank you all for coming
and thank you once again
to my brother-in-arms,
514
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:01,088
Officer Puchinski.
515
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,591
Well, I assume we're here
so you can fess up
to cracking my car window.
516
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,726
Oh, I did crack something,
Jane.
517
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,295
I cracked the case.
518
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,629
(WOMEN GASP)
Yeah. That's right.
519
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,765
The person who broke
the windows was
520
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,000
this guy.
(ALL GASP)
521
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,268
GEOFF: A pinecone?
522
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,370
And it would've gotten away
with it if it weren't for you.
523
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,139
Please. I mean, this is really
who you want
524
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,507
leading
your neighborhood watch?
525
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,808
Both Ginzy and Geoff
526
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:24,477
parked underneath the giant
pine tree out front.
527
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,446
The autumn breeze loosened
one of the cones,
528
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,581
and... Whammo!
Broken glass.
529
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:29,816
That does make sense.
530
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,984
Of course! Pinecones!
They're nature's rocks!
531
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:33,686
Rocks are nat...
Never mind.
532
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,722
Okay, but that doesn't explain
who wrote the note
533
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,125
with the colorful
Bev language, hmm?
534
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,526
As you may not know,
535
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,729
I set up Adam's video camera
to record our front yard,
536
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:43,996
and... (GASPS) Oh, my!
537
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,698
I think I have it
right here.
538
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,169
ADAM: Oh, yeah,
Adam is whacking
539
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:50,403
his, um, opponent,
and I...
BEVERLY: Nope, not this.
540
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:52,539
(TAPE FAST-FORWARDING)
541
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,706
Okay. Here...
Here we go.
542
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,242
There's Jane's car.
543
00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,843
And what have we here?
544
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,145
There's Jane.
545
00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,212
(ALL GASP)
546
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,580
You vandalized
your own car.
547
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,150
Damn right she did,
to frame me!
548
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,051
Fine! It's true!
549
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,286
(LAUGHING)
550
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,854
She admitted it!
Bev wins!
551
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:11,658
I'm sorry. I just felt
so threatened by you!
552
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,693
You are
so smart and cunning,
553
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,028
and you were gonna steal
the neighborhood watch
from me.
554
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,697
I had to do something!
555
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,167
You thought I was gonna
steal the watch?
556
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:24,271
That is the sweetest thing
I've ever heard.
557
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,405
Is it?
558
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,774
I mean, you are
the neighborhood badass.
559
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:31,077
I just wanted to walk
in your shoes for a moment.
560
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,746
You would destroy
your own property
for power?
561
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,582
(BEVERLY EXHALES SHARPLY)
562
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,084
That is the kind of person
I need on my watch.
563
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,919
Is it?
What are you saying?
564
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,288
I'm saying,
565
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,956
let's join forces
and teach each other
566
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,293
how to be nightmares
together.
567
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,927
I would love that.
568
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,198
(HALL & OATES'
PRIVATE EYES PLAYS)
569
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,433
Oh, get over here,
you moldy old peaches.
570
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,834
(LAUGHTER)
571
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:57,370
Aww. Also,
everything about this
seems wrong.
572
00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,105
Goodbye forever.
573
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,907
ADULT ADAM:
While my mom and Jane
were coming together,
574
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,443
our trip to WrestleMania
was falling apart.
575
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,978
I can't believe we're missing
the greatest wrestling match
576
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,147
in the history
of humankind.
577
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,983
And I can't believe Dad
just wanted
to spend time with us.
578
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,952
It's not just that.
579
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,087
He went to something
he hated for us,
580
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,790
and instead,
we body-slammed
his heart.
581
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,091
(CLEARS THROAT)
582
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:20,493
I couldn't help,
but overhear.
583
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,562
The Hulkster?
Hulk Hogan?
584
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,731
Listen, brother.
He knows we're brothers.
585
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,933
Your dad sounds like
a pretty good father, brother.
586
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,935
No, he's our dad.
587
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,136
We're brothers.
588
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,438
I'm your biggest fan,
589
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,172
but you sound like an idiot
right now.
(CHUCKLES)
590
00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,342
Look, if your dad wants
to make an effort,
591
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,643
you should, too.
592
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,411
You've only got one father,
brother.
593
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,780
Whoa, he drops fools
and knowledge!
594
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:42,615
I'm on it, Hulk!
Thank you!
595
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:43,683
Scram!
596
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,252
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, thanks to Hulkster,
597
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:47,820
me and Barry knew exactly
what we needed to do.
598
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,389
Hey, Dad.
599
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,157
Can we hang with you?
600
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,526
Whatever.
It's a free country.
601
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,462
We just want
to let you know,
602
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,196
we're sorry
we were gonna ditch you.
603
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,400
And even though
we didn't see the match,
604
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,935
we did see something
even better...
605
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,171
You trying to get
into wrestling for us.
606
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,573
But there's one thing
we love
607
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,207
even more than wrestling...
608
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,409
You.
609
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,979
So let's do stuff together,
610
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,014
no matter
how embarrassing.
611
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:17,850
You know what?
612
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,319
I guess I'd like that.
613
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,120
* Private eyes *
614
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:23,556
ADULT ADAM: That's the thing
about spending time
with your family.
615
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:26,192
Sometimes the smallest change
will make
the biggest difference.
616
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,563
And sometimes it takes
a no-holds-barred grudge match
617
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,599
to find out
who your friends really are.
618
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,502
We never went
to see WrestleMania again,
619
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,470
but we started
a new tradition.
620
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,572
Every year,
we'd sit with our dad
621
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,341
and watch it on TV.
622
00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:44,043
And looking back,
it was the best.
623
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,546
Because it's those
everyday moments
you take for granted
624
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,215
that truly, truly
mean the most.
625
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,383
Body slam!
626
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:57,189
BOTH: Adam is whacking...
Um, whacking his, um opponent.
627
00:20:57,223 --> 00:20:58,925
MURRAY: All right, well,
let's go.
628
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,026
Turn this off.
629
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,193
You can't turn it off.
630
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,262
You can't turn it off!
631
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:09,168
Okay, this is a Royal Rumble,
no-holds-barred cage match.
632
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:12,772
You can expect no mercy
and several butt hats.
633
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:15,475
Great. One thing,
I brought backup.
634
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,411
Tag me in, brother.
635
00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,713
Hulk Hogan?
Oh, no.
636
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:22,849
Now go wreck my brother,
brother.
637
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,051
The Hulkster obliges,
brother.
638
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:27,219
No! Self-sleeper hold!
639
00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:29,489
(BODY THUDS)
You got a weird brother,
brother.
47392
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