All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S07E04.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
the greatest frat comedy

of them all was
Animal House...
Food fight!

...the story of a group of
weirdos and underdogs

who overcame all obstacles
to rule the school.

And with Barry
finally in college,

he wasted no time living out
his favorite movie.

I'm joining
a fraternity.

Ugh. Why?

Bros, babes, beer,
and boat shoes!

Classism, hazing,
dangerously
excessive drinking.

Yeah, all of those
awesome reasons.

Okay,
horseshoe menorahs.

Wow me.

We're Omega Psi.
It's the Greek alphabet.
Is that not clear?

He struggles with
the English alphabet, so...

If I were to pledge,
could I expect
the following hijinks...

Driving a motorcycle
into a crowded party,

leaving a dead horse
in a dean's office,

and/or road-tripping
to an all-girls college

to hit on the friends of
a deceased student?

We're more
of an academic house.

Next!

Hey. Erik Stratton,
alumni director
at Delta House.

Damn glad to meet ya.

That was Erik Stratton,
alumni director.

He was damn glad
to meet you.
(CHUCKLES)

Why are you talking to me?
I already have a grandpa.

Oh, we're doing the recruiting
'cause most of the guys

in our frat are
either hungover or...

In jail.
...in jail.

Oh, I don't not like
what I'm hearing.

Cold one?

It's 9:00 in the morning.

Yeah,
we got a late start.

Let me ask you
something.

Can your house
serve my needs

as an alpha male
in the upper echelons

of society's
wealthy and elite?

Ha! Not even a little.
Let me ask you something.

Is that a Froot Loop
in your hair?

It's an Apple Jack.

This conversation
is over.

So, how many pledges
do we have now?

None yet.

Oh. One more,
and we got one.

Barry, I don't care
what you do,

but don't you think you're
being a tad unrealistic

about which fraternity
is the right one for you?

Silence!

I've found my people.

ADULT ADAM: Yep, they were
the perfect-haired,

pastel-wearing blowhards
of Beta Zeta,

and Barry
had to be one of them.

Those khaki Ken Dolls?
You're kidding, right?

Hi. Barry Goldberg.

And, no,
you are not looking
into a mirror.

What can I do for you?

Well, it's obvious
I'm Beta Zeta material,

so why don't you just
make me a brother now

so we can start making morally
questionable choices together?

Barry, I'm leaving.

All the smirking and popped
collars are wigging me out.

Okay, girl I've never met.

Hi. I'm Beta Zeta president
Rick Kentwood.

Of course you are.

And if you're not busy
tomorrow night,

you should come by
our house.

We're hosting
a classy get-together.

"The Get Trashed Bash"?

Was "Douche Gala" taken?

We accept!

Me and this mouthy
lady stranger
will be there.

What are you doing?

There's no way
I'm going to that.

You have to!

For some unknown reason,
he's taken with you.

So, we go, I charm him,
ditch you,

and my life of nonstop
toga adventures begins.

I guess that would mean
that you'd have to move

out of our dorm and I'd never
see your dumb face again.

We see it the same way.

Now time to
practice my lovable
frat-brother antics,

like crushing beer cans
against my forehead.

I know your weak spot,
Mr. Pibb!

(GROANS)
I'm softening it up.

(CRUNCH)
Aah!

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM:
It was October 16th,
1980-something,

and my mom was still
adjusting to the fact

that there was only one kid
in the house to cook for.

Adam, breakfast!

Uh, I already had
some Mr. T cereal.

Well... (AS MR. T)
I pity the fool

who doesn't eat
my pigs in a blanket.

Again
you made too much.

Your two other kids
are off in college.

How do you not know
that by now?

Oh, I'm just
fueling Adam up

with high-energy meats
for our big day.

Big day? With me?
And also you?

Surprise!
It's robot-themed.

POPS: Robots?

Adam, she knows
your greatest weakness.

We start off
by going to a matinee

of this new movie
called The Terminator

and then we move
to Kiddie City

to pick up the Transformer toy
of your choice

and, for the finale,

we're gonna see Styx
at the Spectrum
perform Mr. Roboto.

While I appreciate
the pandering,

I'm afraid
I already have plans
with Dave Kim.

Dave Kim?

You're gonna blow off a day
with me and robots

for that four-eyed drip?

Yeah. We were
just gonna hang,

but now I think we're gonna do
all your robot stuff instead.

Thanks for the idea!

Beverly, enough with
overwhelming Adam

with all your love.

You need to find
someone else.

Well, what have
you got cooking today?

You wanna see
some robots?

I'm pretty jammed up,

but I know who
you should ask...
Your life partner.

You just saw Adam leave.

I'm talking about Murray!

Yeah. Murray's good
at a lot of things,

but doing stuff
isn't one of them.

You used to go to movies,
weekends down the shore.

Go back to that magical time
before you had kids

and start living!

(GRUMBLES)

(WHISPERING)
Now's your chance.

ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
my mom realized

she had to get Murray out of
his chair and into her life.

It wasn't going to be easy.

(GRUMBLES, SIGHS)

Is that you saying
"Good morning"?

(GRUMBLES)

ADULT ADAM:
As my mom worried
about her future,

my bro gathered his oldest
pals for an important
pow-wow.

Thanks for coming to the
weekly meeting of the JTP.

ALL: JTP!

First order
of business...

It's almost Matt Bradley's
birthday, and I...

No one cares about stupid
Matt Bradley

and how embarrassingly old
he's getting.

It's true. No one likes to be
confronted by their mortality.

Let's not make
a big deal about it.

We won't.

First non-boring item
to discuss...

Big Tasty will be
leaving shortly to
attend a frat party.

Good for you.
Fun.

Greek life!
Sorry my birthday
almost got in the way.

And I will likely be joining
their brotherhood as a pledge.

You're killing it
in college!

And you're not the only one

'cause I just made
Haverford's varsity crew team

as their coxswain.

And everyone over at Villanova
is loving my nakedness.

It's really nice to be
a part of an open-minded
community

where nudity is celebrated.

My gap year working at The Gap
couldn't be going better.

I'm getting paid,
and I'm learning
a valuable jean-craft.

And I just took my immersion
into the Grateful Dead culture
to the next level.

Look.
I grew my first dreadlock.

Look at us absolutely destroy
post-high school, JTP.

ALL: JTP!

That's why when
I'm a frat god

and I ignore you
and treat you like crap,

I won't feel that bad.

(LAUGHS) JTP.

ALL: JTP?

ADULT ADAM:
While Barry left his crew
in the dust for Greek life,

my mom was on a mission to
get my dad to enjoy life.

Come on! Get up!
It's just a harmless
head injury.

God did not intend
the human neck
to bend that way.

Man, I love football.

For sure.
It's all I have.

Murray, I'm gonna need
five minutes of your time

and also the rest
of your life.

What is this?
I'm in the middle
of a game here.

You are aware
that in two years,

all of our little angels
will be out of the house.

Just the thought of it
makes me smile. Watch.

Oh, no. I've never seen
your face do that.

You can tell the skin doesn't
even know how to crease.

Well, unlike you, I live
in total terror of that day

and all the sad
and lonely ones
that will follow.

Been there.
After Lainey left,
things got dark.

I rarely ate, showered,
or ventured outside.

My hollow shell of a body

would crawl out of Lainey's
tear-stained bedroom

only to answer a phone
that wasn't ringing.

Is this why
you didn't bring
the nachos?

Yeah.

Bevy, all kids
leave at some point.

What do you want me to do?

To reconnect with me.

Let's pick out some activities
we can do together

to help fill the terrible void
of their departure.

Activities?

Golf.
Too much walking.

Putt-putt golf.
Too much walking.

Crocheting?
My fingers are too thick,

and also
I don't want to.

You just rattle them off.

I'll tell you
when you hit one.

Wine tasting.

Cooking class.
Bowling.

Sightseeing.
Bird watching.

Learning a new language.
Ceramics.

Yeah!
Ceramics it is!

No, no, no. The Eagles
finally got a first down.

I'm not doing pottery.

Damn it, Murray,
stop being such a lump!

This is the rest of our lives
we're talking about!

Hey, you're complaining
about things.

I'm listening.
We're doing stuff.

That's not what I meant,
and you know it.

Don't worry, Bev.
Murray's a good guy.
He'll come around.

The best.
But also the worst.

He once told me
I was too bald to look at.

He didn't clarify and
I was too afraid to ask

and now too much time
has passed.

That is a deeply
upsetting story.

For sure,
but I love the guy.

And I do, too, but we all know
he's not gonna come around.

(SIGHS)

If the past 20 years
have taught us anything,

it's that he is gonna sit
in that damn chair
for the rest of his life.

No man can sit in a chair
for a lifetime.
It can't be done.

Agreed. Every man
has to move sometime.

You don't believe me?

Watch and learn.

Meet me back here
in six hours.

ADULT ADAM: Yep, back
before home surveillance
and nanny cams,

my mom invented
the Murray cam,

and what she found
blew Bill and Vic's mind.

Unbelievable.

If he didn't move
that one time
to pet the dog,

I'd swear
the VCR was paused.

He's the most gifted sitter
I've ever seen.

Maybe there is a way to get
Murray out of that chair.

I'm gonna steal his friends.

Oh, no!
He has other friends?

No. I'm talking about
you two dopes.

Oh, good!

If he sees us all
doing amazing things together,

he's gonna get jealous
and want to do them, too.

So, what are you saying,
Beverly?

I'm saying come do
Tai Chi with me.

Slo-mo karate?

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, that does sound fun.

Well, I suppose
I've always wanted

to be able
to tell people an anecdote.

ADULT ADAM: While my mom's
plan to join up with
my dad's best friends

was in motion,

Barry was going all out
to join Beta Zeta.

How do I look?

Like a yacht captain
was run over
by a polo horse.

Perfect.

There she is...

The prettiest girl
on campus.

And the prettiest boy.
(CHUCKLES)

So, Erica, want to date
a future leader?

I have a boyfriend,
and yuck.

Well, watch me
turn that yuck
into a yes.

And watch me turn
that yes into a barf.

Hi. Barry Goldberg.

Frat nickname
to be determined,

but I'm hoping to go with
"Captain Chug" or "Sexhawk."

Excuse me.

There you are!
Listen, Terry...

It's Barry.
That's hilarious.

I want to introduce you
to some neat-o guys

that you
are going to love.

Oh, sounds awesome, Rick.

This is Leroy, Spock,
and Jimmy Flannigan.

ADULT ADAM: Barry
then realized he was
living Animal House,

just not how
he'd imagined.

I've been Floundered!

What's "Floundered"?

That husky loser
from Animal House

who gets pawned off on a room
of a bunch of rejects.

So what? This house
is full of cocky,
entitled asswipes.

And I hope to be them
someday,

which is why I need to
turn this night around fast,

and I know exactly how.

I'm gonna pull a Bluto.

Is that another
Animal House character?

John Belushi's
greatest role,
and now mine.

* You know you make me wanna *
* Shout *

Food fight!

ADULT ADAM: And with that,
Barry went full Bluto,

plastered the frat-house
walls with mashed potatoes.

He totally destroyed a
complete stranger's guitar.

He was, without a doubt,
the life of the party.

* A little bit softer now,
a little bit softer now *

Or so he thought.

* ...now,
a little bit softer now

* Hey-ey-ey *

(CHUCKLES)
What did I do?

We should talk.

Yes. I'd be honored
to join your fraternity.

Listen, being a Beta Zeta...
It's all about being the best.

And...

You're not.

ADULT ADAM: After Barry
blew his shot at frat glory,

he had no choice but to
report back to the JTP.

JTP...
ALL: JTP?

...I've called this emergency
meeting to tell you

I will not be
a painfully handsome frat god
who is above the law.

I'll merely be
painfully handsome.

I'm sorry, Bar.
Those idiots don't know
what they're missing.

But what hurts even more is,
while I'm flailing,

you guys are out there
crushing it.

While that's incredibly
petty and mean,

the truth is,
we're actually not.

I lied before about
being the coxswain
of the rowing team.

I just like saying
"coxswain."

Coxswain.

Oh. That is fun.

And I hate how everyone
at Villanova also gets naked.

There's nothing special
about me anymore.

Everyone in my life is coming
out of the woodwork,

asking for jean jackets.

And I'll admit it...
This dreadlock isn't real!

I found it.
You don't want to know more.

I don't get it.
W-Why did you lie?

We didn't want you
to worry about us

while you were having
the time of your life
as a frat guy.

But pledging
was a disaster.

I tried everything
to impress them.

I destroyed a guitar.
I threw food.

I rolled on the ground.
What are these guys
looking for?

Forget about those
stupid frat guys.

They don't know
the real you.

Wait. That's why tonight
was such a bust.

They didn't see
the real me.

But we do.
So now you can hang
with us for my b-day.

Don't be stupid,
stupid Matt Bradley!

I'm going back to that frat
tomorrow night.

But I thought those guys
rejected you.

They rejected Flounder
and Bluto.

I'm going back as myself.

You can't, moron.

And why not?

Tomorrow, Beta Zeta
is having

their new pledges
do a talent show.

It's like The Gong Show,
but with an irresponsible
amount of beer.

They'll destroy you.

Or they'll pledge me
on the spot

when they hear the vocal
stylings of Big Tasty.

And I know just the song.

The Fat Boys?

No. The Frat Boys.

I need two of you
to fill out my crew.

Barry, again,
it's Matt's birthday.

We're going to hang
with him.

Do you ever consider
what I want on
Matt Bradley's birthday?

We hadn't.

As my oldest,
closest friends,

you owe it to me to
help me make even
newer, closer friends.

We have plans.

Good luck, Bar.
I hope you get
what you want.

I hope you get what
you want on your
birthday, Matt Bradley.

I know you were
mocking me,
but thanks, bro.

It means a lot.

What's their problem?

You're the one
with the problem.

Crashing a party
is one thing,

but crashing a fraternity
talent show is just suicide.

Not if I get
the real Fat Boys
to do it with me.

Close enough.

Thanks for the free tee.
What's this for again?

Doesn't matter. You two dorks
get to go to a frat party.

Isn't that enough?

I hear
bikini-clad women

wrestle in kiddie pools
full of Jell-O.

Jell-O!
Bam!

Crew locked and loaded!

ADULT ADAM: As Barry
assembled two children
to impress grown men,

my mom was having fun
with her own posse.

First up, Tai Chi.

(SLOWLY)
Hiya.

After that,
they learned Spanish.

INSTRUCTOR: Me gusta
jugar al futbol.

ALL: Me gusta
jugar al futbol.

ADULT ADAM: And finally,
mechanical bull riding.

Yee-haw!

(LAUGHS)
Hang on, Beverly!

Whoo! Whoo!

Ohh!
Whoa!

How did you do that,
Beverly?

Jazzercise.
Really strengthens
the buttocks.

You know,
with strong buttocks,
anything is possible.

That makes
scientific sense.

Well, the butt is the face
of the back of your body.

How can I make my cheeks
more rosy and plump?

Easy. Tomorrow, we're going to
Booty Boogie Body Ballet.

I'm in.

Just wait
till Murray finds out

I'm taking his friends
to butt class.

Do you really think
that butt dancing
is the antidote here, Bev?

Oh, it's not
about butt dancing.

It's about Murray
eventually realizing

that he's sitting alone
at home in his chair,

and that is no way
for a man to live.

ADULT ADAM: But all
my dad realized

was that football great
Joe Namath

had a cameo
on Fantasy Island.

What?
This can't be happening.

And he desperately needed
someone to talk to about it.

Bill,
when you get this message,
call me right away.

But he didn't stop there.

Vic, as soon as you get
this message, call me.

And since his pals
weren't around,

he turned to anyone
he could find.

Bevy, are you home?

Adam!

TV history
is about to happen!

Lucky?
Where are ya, girl?

And that's when my dad
figured out why
he felt so alone.

"Fun Times
with Murray's Friends"?

Pottery class?

As my dad
was feeling left out,

it was time
for the Frat Boys

to bust in
on Beta Zeta's Gong Show.

That was
the last pledge, Rick.

BARRY: Hold on!
We got one final act

for you mother-brothers
in this animal house!

Frat Boys!
Frat Boys!

Frat Boys!

What the hell?

Should I get rid
of them?

No. I actually
want to see this.

(RAPPING)
* We're the Frat Boys,
not the Fat Boys, ya see

* And like the Fat Boys,
we got one, two, three

* But the only cool guy
up here is me

* So please let me be
in your fraternity

* We came to party
and rock the spot

* Yeah, I'm a frat boy,
but these two are not

* Dave Kim's lame,
and my brother is short

* They're mainly up here
for moral support

* Why would I insult my crew?

* 'Cause that's just something
that frat boys do

* I'm Beta Zeta material

* I eat emcees like cereal

* Cap'n Crunch
or Frosted Flakes

* Or high-fiber bran
to help me make

* We're the frat boys

* It's a play on words

* Like the Fat Boys,
but these two are nerds

* We're the Frat Boys *

(CHUCKLES)

What do you say?

Can I join sideways boobs
Zorro slash?

(ALL BOOING)

I'm just a boy!

You're handling me
as if I'm resisting!

(CHUCKLES)
Classic hazing, guys.

Good stuff.

I don't know
how to be more clear.

You will never be
a Beta Zeta.

But I'm not
Flounder or Bluto.
I'm just Barry.

Yeah.

And that's the guy
we don't want.

Bev, I'm glad
you made us come here.

After this,
I'm gonna have a bowl.

(LAUGHING) It feels good
in my fingers.

Well, I'm glad you two
were up for it.

Lord knows Murray would never
step foot in this place.

Aha!
There you are!

Murray, you got out
of your chair.

You guys have been
prancing all over town.
Why?

"Why?"

Because you won't!
VIC: Oh, no.

I was trying
to slow this thing down,
but I spun it up.

Bill, I could use
your hands.

I got you, buddy.
Aah.

Is this because of all
those dumb activities
you wanted me to do?

Yes.
Aah!

You know what, Murray?

I always assumed that
when the kids left home,

I'd at least have you
to spend my days with.

Boy, was I wrong.

Ahh.

So I like to sit.
What's the big deal?

The big deal is,

the only reason
you came down here

is because your friends
weren't around.

You got out of your chair
for them,

but for me,
you were happy
to just sit there.

Ah, ah.
There we go.

ADULT ADAM:
After Beta Zeta rejected
Barry for being himself,

he had no choice but to shed
his dream of frat-boy life.

What are you doing?

Tossing out all the things
I'd been saving

for the day
I finally joined
a fraternity.

Goodbye, pledge paddle.

You will never redden
the tushies of my friends.

That's Mom's cheese board.

Goodbye, togas,

the preferred apparel
of Greek gods and ghosts.

Those are my bed sheets.

Here. Maybe you can find
a better home for them.

I'll probably just continue
to use them as sheets.

Goodbye, beer funnel.

That's a traffic cone.

Listen, Barry,
you're so much better
without those guys.

No, I'm not.

One of the reasons
why I love Animal House

was the idea that you could go
from being a loser one minute

to having 50 best friends
the next.

You don't need
a fraternity to do that.

Well, it hasn't happened
in this dorm

or anywhere else
at this college.

Maybe Rick is right...
I'm not good enough.

Don't you get it?

You already belong
to an amazing fraternity,

with true friends
who love you.

Who?
The JTP.

And they're struggling
as much as you are.

(SIGHS)

I was such a jerk
to them...

Such a jerk.

But the great thing
about that is,

a brother
always forgives.

Matt Bradley's birthday!

Go.

(SIGHS)

Thanks, Erica.

ADULT ADAM: While Barry
got emotional
about his old friends,

our dad decided it was time
to get physical.

I'm a-ready.

What am I looking at?

I thought the two of us
could do the Jazzercise.

What?

You know, the thing
with the jumping around

and the crappy music
that you love so much.

(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)

I'm doing it up.

Jazzercising.

Jazzercising.

Can't stop Jazzercising.

I can't do it!
(MUSIC STOPS)

Murray, we've got to
figure this out.

The rest of our lives
is coming sooner
than you think.

Yeah. I know.

I was, uh, walking
around the house,

and I couldn't
find anybody
and I, uh...

Felt alone?

Yeah, maybe.

Y-You know the words
better than me.

And you thought maybe
it would be nice

to be surrounded by people
who love you.

Sure. Uh, yeah.

And you realized
that without those people,

the future
might not be so great.

It's so hard for me
to get excited
about doing stuff,

and there's only
three things I like...

Sitting, watching sports,
and you.

* You might think I'm crazy

I can work with that.

ADULT ADAM: That night,
my dad learned
that being together

was the only thing my mom
ever really wanted.

It's what everyone
wants...

Someone who will be there
no matter what.

Aww. Thanks, guys.

(BLOWS)

ALL: JTP!

JTP!

Hey. Why aren't you
hanging out

with your new
fraternity brothers?

'Cause I already
have brothers,

and they make up the greatest
fraternity known to man...

JTP.

I'm sorry I wasn't there
for you guys.

Doesn't matter
'cause you're here now.

JTP.

ALL: JTP!

Now let's give stupid,
sweet Matt Bradley
his birthday spanking.

ADULT ADAM: In the end,
it's not always
about what you do.

It's who you do it with
that matters most.

Ta-da.

Oh! That is perfect!

Let me see yours.

I made a calendar
to show all the fun times
we're gonna have.

I love it.

(LAUGHING)
Yeah!

ADULT ADAM: Sometimes in life,
we lose track of
what's important.

It's easy to take
relationships for granted,

especially the ones that have
been around for so long.

Sure, there's bumps
along the way,

but for the right people,

coming back together makes
you stronger than ever.

Those are the bonds
that forge us for life.

* All I want is you *

(BELL DINGS)

Animal House
is the best movie ever.

Here's my favorite part,

where they freeze
and tell you
what happened

to all the zany characters.

(LAUGHTER)
Hilarious!

Man, I wish they could
do that for me.