All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S07E02.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
Growing up in the '80s,

my mom loved her kids
more than anything,

which made every goodbye
utter agony.

So, dropping my big bro
and sis off at college

was bound to be
a tsunami of sadness.

My dad,
on the other hand...

Okay, morons,
out ya go.

They're not morons.

They're our baby birds
leaving the nest,

(VOICE BREAKING)
and they are
very upset about it.

My four-year bender
of unsupervised partying
starts now!

Dad, you're not even
stopping the car!

I'm basically stopped!
Come on! Go, go, go!

This feels very unsafe.

For God's sake, Murray,
stop the car.

There's nowhere to stop!

GEOFF: The man in the
orange "welcome" vest
is guiding you to a spot!

Damn it, Murray, now!
Fine!

(TIRES SQUEAL)

Okay, you got 20 seconds.
That's 10 per kid.

I know how many
children we have.
(CAR DOOR OPENS)

Where do you think
you're going?

To say goodbye
to the love of my life.
Uh-uh.

I'm sorry, Mr. G,
but it is time for me
to stand up to you

and prove that
I've finally become a man.

(DOOR HANDLE CLICKS)

Oh, no!
He kid-locked me in!

Okay, I've prepared
a lengthy

and emotionally explosive
speech.

Mom, if you
make a scene,

I will never
come home again.

Ditto.

So, keep it
together, lady.
Not a single tear.

Children,
fruit of my loins,

like the spongy
umbilical cord

that once bound
our bodies together.

Whatever she's saying,
me, too!

Erica,
I wish you the best.

Too long.

Barry, I bid you
adieu, mon ami.

A Billy Idol Mony Mony
to you, too.

Might I impose
upon each of you
for a small kiss?

(CAR HORN HONKS)
No kisses!

Get back in the car!

All right, Murray,
you animal!

Farewell.

Huh. She actually
kept it all together.

I'm pleasantly shocked.

(TIRES SQUEAL)
ERICA: Oh, no.

I knew she couldn't fight
her excessive love!

She's garbage!

Erica, you forgot
your Caboodle!

Just toss it out.

Oh, no!
Hey, Schwartz,
head in.

(WINDOW MOTOR WHIRRING)
Dad, you'll hurt him!

Window's going up!

I'll miss you so much!
Ow! This is not the
goodbye I imagined!

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM: It was
the first day of school,
1980-something.

Barry and Erica were gone,
and I was an upperclassman.

Finally, it was
my time to shine.

Aah!

JOHNNY: (CHUCKLES) Yes!

You just got owned by those
recently oiled doors.

Welcome to freshman year,
Goldnerd.

Yeah, I'm not
a freshman, Johnny.

Probably
just seems that way

because you're
a third-year senior.

Gah!
What was that for?

Johnny doesn't like
to take inventory
of his life's missteps.

I thought we became
friends last year.

New year.
Everything resets,
turd farmer.

(LAUGHS)

ADULT ADAM: Okay, rough start,
but things were looking up.

My ex, Jackie,
was off to college,

and I couldn't wait
to catch up with my crew.

Big Dave Kim!
How was your summer?

His summer
was uneventful,

and he's talking to me
right now.

Oh, wow.
You guys are still, uh...

I can't explain it,
either.

Carla, I thought
you graduated?

She did.
Now she works at Wingin' It.

Dave Kim's lady
brings home the bacon
and the chicken.

The bacon is money,
but the chicken is chicken.

Adam, I think you know
Brian McMahon?

You and Shy Bri?

'Sup?
That's his catch phrase.

'Sup?

Seems like it's pretty much
his only phrase.

Anyway, maybe we can all
hang out after school?

Sorry, bro, we got
group couples' plans.

Oh, balls!

Everyone's in the throes
of love except for me?
Uh-huh.

Okay, settle down,
Shy Bri!

Well, we should go.

We're all gonna
walk to class together

as one
even-numbered group.

He seems disappointed,
as if this was the opposite

of how he expected
his day to go.

(LAUGHS)

ADULT ADAM: Recently-graduated
but-somehow-allowed-on-campus
Carla was right.

10 minutes in,

and this year was
already sucking hard.

All right, listen up, people!

Unless you also had a cat
with a prolapsed anus

that requires a special salve
applied directly to the area,

I promise you had
a better summer than I.

So, in the spirit of
taking it out on you...

Pop quiz!

Just when it looked
like the day couldn't
get any worse,

something crazy happened.
(DOOR OPENS)

In walked Dana Caldwell.

I couldn't believe it.
The girl next door was back...

My first crush,

the first girl
I climbed a trellis for,

and of course, first kiss.

Hi, Adam.

Dana, y-you're... Here?

My grandma passed away.

There was
nothing keeping us
in Seattle, so...

Well, I guess your loss
is my gain.

But also, d...
Sorry for your loss.

Hey, New Girl!
They don't have
first-day pop quizzes

wherever the freak
you come from?

Sit down, shut up,
and start guessing.

As I couldn't believe
Dana was back,

Barry couldn't believe
his new roommate luck.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
BARRY: Hello?

Do I spy a food-stained Flyers
shirt similar to my own?

Yep.
Barry Goldberg.

Friends call me Big Tasty.

Gary Silverberg,
AKA G-Licious.

We seem well-matched,
but tell me,
do you know karate?

Yaah!

I'll take that
as a destructive yes.

And I, uh, see you have
turntables, too?

Yep, but I am still
looking for an MC
to spit some fiery rhymes.

My guy,
I spit fiery rhymes 24/7.

(RAPPING)
* My name is Barry

(BEATBOXES)
* Your name is Gary

* We're like
the same person

* It's kinda scary *

Dope, Big Tasty.

Uh, I think
this is my room?

Who the hell are you?

Name's Larry,

but most people call me
Flavor Overdrive.

Well, bad news, Overdrive,
I already picked this room.

Picked it?
They were assigned.

My form says 112.

That's what mine says,
too.

What?
I don't have a f...

Oh, no!

How dare you shatter
my wildly self-destructive
college dreams

by not sending in
my housing check?

Uh, no,
my volatile love monkey.

I definitely sent it in.

Well, guess who doesn't
have housing.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Is here okay for all
your unwieldy things,
my love?

Upstairs in my room.
On it, sweetie.

Why do I still see morons?

'Cause your unstable wife
didn't send in our checks
for student housing

so she can
keep us at home.

But I swear
I sent them in.

Then why is Flavor Overdrive
spittin' fresh flows

and hi-ya-ing boards
with G-Licious
and not me?

I recognize
none of those words.

He's freaking out,
but I'm not.

Now that I have
a second chance at college,

I will not let you
ruin this year for me.

I'll be upstairs studying.

Do not expect that measured,
mature reaction from me.

But I didn't do
what you're saying.

Unless... Oh, God.

Is my mom brain so strong,
I did it subconsciously?

Is that even possible?

I'd say probable.

I just saw a 20/20

where a lady
punched a lion in the face
to save her kids.

I'd punch
a million jungle cats
for my babies.

There you have it.
You did the bad thing.

I say we do a gum ball puzzle.

Come on!

Let's get together
and gum ball it up.

Gum balls?

I'm in real trouble
over here,

and this guy's
talking about gum balls?

Mother,
you need to fix this now!

I will, Schmoo.

Conscious Momma will clean up
Subconscious Momma's mess.

We're both leaving
right now.

Mur, I-I'm not sure
you're reading the room
with all the puzzle talk.

So, the kids live at home
a little longer.

What's the big whoop?

Big whoop?
You've wanted those kids
outta here forever.

I've got a hunch
you're up to something.

Me?

What could I be up to?

I don't know,
but I'm gonna
solve this puzzle,

right after
I solve this puzzle.

ADULT ADAM: While Pops
was busy putting
the pieces together,

there was only one piece
of info I needed from Dana.

So, are you single?

Definitely. Yes.

You?

Oh, big time.

Oh, thank God.

I was so worried you were
gonna be seeing someone.

You were?
Yeah,

'cause then I wouldn't be
able to hang out

with my one friend
that I had here.

Ohhh.
I mean, it's so weird.

Everyone looks familiar,

but I don't really
know anyone.

Luckily,
I have a friend like you.

Yup.
I am a friend like me.

Just put it there, pal.

Come on.
We're closer friends
than that. Oh.

I'll see you after school.

(CHUCKLES)

(BELL RINGS)

So, when are you gonna
lock that down?

You've gotten
very aggressive

since Carla
came into your life.

She likes me sassy,

but this is an incredible
opportunity for you.

Don't you like her?

Of course I like her,
Dave Kim.

But now she's super cool
and kind of looks like
a flight attendant,

and I'm still me.

Plus, she told me
she just wants to
be friends.

Friends?
I saw the way
she hugged you!

I thought I was watching
9 1/2 Weeks, man.

You've seen
the kink noir drama
9 1/2 Weeks?

I'm in a relationship
with an adult lady,

and that lady
is stealing cable
from her neighbor.

You know, she did lightly
tap my upper back
when we hugged.

I know.
It was like Body Heat,

which I also watched
and enjoyed.

Dana coming back
is fate telling me

that this year won't be
a lonely suck-show.

This is your time, man!

But you gotta
get in there quick.

Look,
jocks are swooping.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, no!
Those are varsity athletes!

That's the high school
equivalent of adult men!

And in the case
of Johnny Atkins,
an actual adult man!

Yo, Goldnerd,

you know that new old girl,
Dana Caldwell?

Rumor has it
you have shared history.

Yeah,
but we're just friends.

Noice.

Not that
I need your approval

or respect
your feelings,

but you should know
I'm lasering in on her
romantically.

Me, too, bro.
Lasering big time.

Dude, if my relationship
with Carla
has taught me anything,

it's that you've
got to be decisive.

So, what do I do?

Ask her
to the Aloha Dance.

It's the most important
tropical

welcome-back-to-school,
Hawaiian-themed dance
of them all.

As I was wondering
if Dave Kim was right,

my mom was determined
to fix a terrible wrong.

Hi, Dean Dean.

Beverly Goldberg.

(CHUCKLES)
Not Dean Dean.

Just a man named Dean who...
Happens to be a dean.

Dean Dean,
these are the housing checks
for Barry and Erica Goldberg.

Make sure Barry's room
is no further than 30 feet
from the bathroom.

He's got a bit of
a fussy tummy.

Well, wait,
these were
due months ago.

Which is when
my conscious mind
sent them in.

Your conscious mind?

Oh, it's a teeny possibility
that my subconscious mind
did not send them in.

So, you didn't
send them in?

Or it's also
a teeny possibility

that your conscious mind
received the checks,

but that your
subconscious mind
destroyed them.

Why would it do that?
I don't know.

Why would a man named Dean
seek out a career in deaning?

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

We can't control our
subconscious minds,
Dean Dean.

The point is,
I forgive you.

Have a great year.
Well, wait.

To the extent that
I believed or understood
anything you said,

uh, the dorm rooms
are all full now.

So, there's nothing
I can do.

This will be
the first of many times
you say that to me,

and the first of many times
I won't listen.

There may be
something I can do.

It's nacho time.

Wait, you made food?

For us?
What's your game, man?

Can't a man make
a traditional Mexican snack
for his kids?

Oh, no!

Those aren't beans!
What's in my mouth?

I don't know.
I just got a can
out of the pantry.

I think those are
whole cranberries.

Cranberries?

The Mexican people don't work
with tart bog fruit!

What did you do?

Just eat around
the bog fruit!

Schmoopies, Mama solved
your housing crisis.

Oh! Thank God.
Yes!

How?

Dean Dean found some openings
with a few freshman

whose roommates
didn't take to them.
Yay!

Wait, why didn't
their roommates
take to them?

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
there wasn't one reason.

There were
these two dummies,

and this shy fellow,

and this delicate lady,

and whatever's going on here,

and we never got a good look
at this guy or gal.

We're screwed,
aren't we?

You're screwed.

I have a back-up plan
that for sure can't fail.

Gary! Help!

You got to take me back!

I'll do anything.

Hyah!
Hyah!

Ohh!
Hyah!

No!

ADULT ADAM: My former
flame had returned,
so to win her heart,

I turned to the biggest
ladies' man I knew.

Pops,
Dana Caldwell's back,

and I gotta ask her
to the Aloha Dance fast.

But I feel like
I need a game plan. Go.

Kiddo, why the urgency?

'Cause meatheads
are swooping!

Eh, let 'em swoop.

Just ask her as a friend,

then slowly over time,
you'll get her back.

You know,
my gut was telling me
to take it slow.

Your gut is an idiot.

Gah!
You need to rush
things with Dana.

Rush 'em hard.

Barry, don't do the thing
where you contradict
my sensible advice.

Okay, Pops is out
of his mind.

You must go for it now.

And here we go.

Dana was
your first crush.

Do you know
how rare it is

to get a second chance
at love?

Pretty rare?

It's literally
never happened before.

Please,
just listen to your gut.

But I can't hear it
over Barry's loud,
yet compelling advice.

I had a similar experience
where it was so perfect
with someone,

but I couldn't
make it work.

I regret it to this day.

It wasn't your fault.
Lainey moved away
to do music.

No, not Lainey.

I'm talking about Gary.

How am I losing
to this guy?

You need to make
a giant romantic gesture

that reminds her
of your lame shared history.

I will, and your passion
makes me certain it'll work.

And I'm certain of it,

but it needs to be big
and over the top.

I'm gonna go
get my girlfriend back!

It's a good thing
I was here.

ADULT ADAM:
While I was excited
to win Dana back,

my mom was trying hard
not to lose her children
forever.

Okay, I've got
some fantastic news.

Flavor Overdrive died
and I can stop living

in this well-appointed
suburban hellhole?

Even better.

I thought of ways
to make this hellhole
a lot more tolerable.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

Erica,
I read and highlighted

chapter four
of your sociology book.

What? I was licking my chops
to get to that chapter!

I guess I'll go read
chapter five.

And, Barry, look at this
adorable toga I made for you.

All right, enough!

You ruined my college dreams
just to keep us near you,

but it's not gonna work.

I refuse to be
in the same room as you.

(SCOFFS)

Barry, get back here.

Nope!

Fine,
I'll just go down there.

Oh,
then I'll be in here.

Okay,
this is ridiculous.

Barry,
you cannot avoid me.

ADULT ADAM: But he did.

He went to this room,
and then that room,

and back to this room,
and that room again,

and for some reason,
back to this room,

and here again.

This went on for 12 minutes
until, finally...

I mean it.

You will never again
have the experience

of being in the same room
as me.

What if we're
at a family wedding?

I will dance
and eat the meal
in the men's room.

What about a museum?

Unlikely, since
I have no interest

in history or art
of any kind.

Fallout shelter?

I will train my body
to survive
a nuclear explosion.

What about my funeral?

I will give
a dominant eulogy...

Oh, thank God.

...on a video monitor
from an undisclosed
location.

ADULT ADAM:
While Barry was ending his
relationship with my mom,

I had the perfect plan to
kick-start mine with Dana

and overwhelm her
with our history.

There were rings and songs
and, oddly, a baby

and battle gear for a warrior
fighting to win back his love.

This feels right.

(ROCK TAPS GLASS)

Adam?
ADAM: Yep.

And former Genesis front man
Peter Gabriel.

Damn it.
Batteries.

Okay, imagine In Your Eyes
is playing

as I present to you...

Laser tag.

Is that the baby
we took care of?

"Hi, Mommy.
I wuv you."

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Okay, that's weird.

All of this is weird.

Why is it happening?

Eh... You know what?
Hang on.
I'll be right out.

Oh, no. Stay put.

I come to you via trellis.

ADULT ADAM: This was it.

Just like old times,
I'd climb Dana's trellis

for an epic romantic gesture.

It was my second chance
at love,

and I was sure it would be
twice as magical.

Dana Caldwell,
would you...

(WOOD CRACKS)
Uh-oh.

Ahh!

Adam!

Unfortunately, I didn't
realize I was twice as big.

DANA: Adam!

Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.

What's going on?
I can fix your trellis.

Full disclosure,
I can't.

And what's with
all this stuff
from our past?

I'm reminding you
of our shared history,

to grease the wheels for
asking you to the Aloha Dance.

Are you serious
right now?

Huh.

Not the kind of question
to fill a guy with confidence.

I guess I thought
we could start
going out again.

What do you say?

I say no.

See you later, Adam.

Wait, wait, wait.

Tell me what's wrong.
Everything, Adam.

I just left my home
and my life

and moved back to a place
I haven't lived in years.

And the one person
I thought was my friend
couldn't even be that.

ADULT ADAM: While my second
chance at love with Dana
came crashing down,

my mom was spinning out.

So, my son is gonna melt
in a nuclear disaster,

and what's worse is,

now he refuses
to attend my funeral.

Help me, Dean Dean.

As I've been
trying to tell you
since the museum part,

housing became available
for your children.

It did?

Yes, and when I called
to tell you,

your husband said
"No thanks."

Are you (BLEEP) (BLEEP)
with me right now?

(DOOR CLOSES)
It was you.

You're the one that caused
this whole mess.

What?
That's right.

Per Dean Dean,
housing became available,

which your father
refused.

Is that true, Dad?

(QUIETLY) Maybe.

What?

Yes.

Are you saying "yes"?

Maybe.

What?
Yes.

He's talking
so softly,

it's imperceptible
to human ears.

I must know the truth.

Maybe.
Damn it, Murray,

you obviously
can't say the words,
so clearly you did it.

(NORMAL VOICE) Fine!
I did it, okay?

(GASPS) You monster!
Oh, my God!

Well, I hope it was
worth it, Murray.

You ruined
your kids' college years
to save a few bucks.

I didn't do it
because I was cheap.

Then why?
Why would you do this?

(QUIETLY)
'Cause I'm gonna miss 'em.

What?
He's doing it again.

I'm gonna miss 'em.

Murray, say the words!

(NORMAL VOICE)
I'm gonna miss 'em, okay?

I spent
their whole childhood

sitting in that chair
watching TV!

And now they're
leaving for college

and there's nothing
I can do!

It's too late!

ADULT ADAM: I had made
a mess of it with Dana,

but I was determined
to clean it up.

Ohh, damn it.

Why'd they oil all the doors?

But first, I had to deal
with the swooping jocks.

Dana, can I have
a word with you?

SPINK: Why?

So you can abuse
her trust again?

No, JC Spink as Magnum.

She needed a friend
more than anything.

Good recap, Walls as TC,
Magnum's helicopter pilot.

If I could just...
It's called listening.

There's a reason God gave us
one mouth and two ears.

I get it, Johnny Atkins
as the knowy,
fussbottom Higgins.

Now, please,
can I just talk
to her alone?

Bro, do you know
what it's like

to move back
to another city?

Not knowing if you'll find
acceptance or not?

Not to mention
her grandmother
just passed.

Can you imagine, dude?

My grandma's
my North Star.

You were the one she thought
she could count on.

Thus her intense
disappointment.

Okay, I'm glad she shared
so much with everyone.

It's fine, you guys.
We'll catch up later.

At least we can
be attentive
to her needs.

Wow.

The jocks did a
lot of soul searching
this summer.

Yeah. Turns out,
they're good friends.

(CHEAP TRICK'S
THE FLAME PLAYS)
I-I deserved that.

Well, they're not wrong.
I have a lot going on,

and the Adam
that I used to know

would have
understood that.

And I do. Here.

No.

I-It's not what you think.
It's a friendship ring.

When I gave it to
you the first time,
we were friends,

and I know
that's what you need now.

And if you can forgive me,

I'll be best friend
you could ever ask for.

* Over you

* I can't believe
you're gone

Well, then, I guess
I should forgive you.

* You were the first,
you'll be the last

* Wherever you go,
I'll be with you

I had no idea how
you felt about
missing the children.

(SIGHS)
Neither did I.

And then bags started
getting packed

and posters
came off the walls,

and it became too real.

* To lay your heart
and head upon

* Remember, after the fire

(SIGHS)

All you've ever wanted
was for the kids
to go to college.

Yeah.

I put so much focus
on them leaving,

I never thought of them
not being here.

Oh, Murray.

I just wish I would have
spent more time with them.

It's not too late.

What's that for?

I just wanted to say
I'm sorry for what I did.

Real beans this time.

Thanks, Dad.

I also talked
to the school

and got you a room
in the dorms.

That's amazing!

Wait, what's the roommate
situation?

Well, you each have one,

and I think
they're both pretty great.

And I'm really gonna
miss them.

Wait, are we living
with each other?

You think
you can make it work?

We'll make it work.
Totally.

* I'll be with you *

ADULT ADAM: When it comes
to the people you love,

whether they're leaving or
coming back into your life,

they'll always have a special
place in your heart,

even if it's just
as friends.

That's the thing about change.
It can be scary,

but it's often
the one thing you need

to realize how much
you really love someone.

And sure,
goodbyes are never easy.

It seems like
the more you care,

the harder it is to let go.

But if we make
the moments count,

we'll always have something
to hold on to.

'Cause in the end,

no matter how much distance
there is between you

or how much time
you spend apart,

with family, the one thing
that never leaves

is the love you share.

ADAM: Dad, how do you feel
about Eric and Barry

both going away
to college?

I'm very happy.
Really?

Now if you would only leave,
I'd be even happier.

I'm so sad about
Eric and Barry leaving.

I can't take it anymore.

Rah!

Erica Goldberg?
I was sent by the shogun
to take you out.

Fight me!

I'm not Barry.
I'm someone else.

Come on!
All roommates do this.

You're the weird one.

Hee-yah!

Ple-e-e-ase?

Ple-e-e-ase?

Okay, I'm only gonna
do this once.

Come at me.

Oh! Ow!

You're supposed
to warn me!

That's how Houdini died!