All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S06E16.There.Can.Be.Only.One.Highlander.Club.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

ADULT ADAM:
Back in the '80s, I had
my fair share of tormentors,

and no one did it better
than my main nemesis,

sax-wailin', pony tail-rockin' Johnny Atkins.

Yep, he made
my life miserable.

Later, nerd losers.

Eat my butt.

I feel threatened,
and I want to punch
your face off.

And, thanks to shop class,
I had to see
a lot more of him.

JOHNNY: Hey, Goldberg.

Whatcha workin' on
there, man?
Looks super cool.

Your interest excites me,

but I'm also certain
that this exchange

will end in a dead leg,
swirlie, or both.

C'mon,
I have a curious soul.

Please, share
your wooden gift with me.Really?

Okay, are you familiar
with the fantasy action
film Highlander?

I am not.
Tell me more!

Well, it's about a race
of immortal swordsmen
who clash throughout history,

and it stars French action
heartthrob
Christopher Lambert!

Sounds rad!

I wish there was a way
I could partake in the joy
and delight it's given you!

I actually have the tape
right here!Nice!

Could you put it down
on the table so I can
take a better look?

You bet.

Atkins, unacceptable!

Goggles on when you use
that machine.

Aw, man,
I helped you do it!

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

ADULT ADAM:
It was February 20th,
1980-something,

and my dad had just laid eyes on the perfect parking spot.

Ah, here we go.

Whoa, did you see that?

That schmuck
just stole my space!Oy vey.

Please don't get into
one of your parking battles.

Look, there's an open spot
right back there.
Just go take it.

You really want to
put my dead toe

through three more
spaces of walking?

ADULT ADAM: In that moment,

Pops and Barry braced themselves for one of my dad's

epic parking-spot screaming
matches... Or hug?

Oh, it's so good
to see you!

Wait, it must be
an old friend.

Bink.
A jinga, a janga...

BARRY: What you're
saying is impossible.

My dad only has two friends
in this world,

Bill Lewis and the mailman.
That's it.

Hoo! There he is!
There's my friend Kormy!

Kormy?
Yeah, Steve Korman,

one of my best friends
from Central High.

Wait, you had friends?

I had a whole group
of friends back then.

We were called The Jokers.
That's just like the JTP.

How come you never see
these guys anymore?

Kormy lives in
Lancaster now.

That's way too far.
Too far?

You once
drove out to Delaware
just to get a crab hoagie.

That was a good hoagie.

Yeah,
it had crab in it.Dense crab.

And that bread
was delicious.

I remember that trip.

Yeah. Crab.

Dude, forget the crab.

If Kormy's your friend,
you gotta go see him!

High school friends are nice,

but then life happens,
and you move on.

No, the JTP will always be
inseparable blood brothers

that will be
together forever.

Pops, back me up here.

How's about we take a drive
and talk about it?

Maybe down to that crab place.

All right,
enough with the crab!

We're going to Delaware!

ADULT ADAM:
As Barry feared losing
his best friends,

I was still dealing
with my worst enemy.

Dude, can you move?

Urkel's about to question
whether he did that.

Just gimme a sec.
I gotta find a blank tape
so I can record Highlander.

Wait, I bought you that movie
for your half birthday.

What happened
to that tape?

Uh, I kinda thought
it was a piece of wood
and sawed it in half?

Schmoo, you gotta
be more careful.

Yesterday you lost
the lunch money I gave you
for square pizza day.

Forgetful me.
And the day before that

you got your underpants
caught in your locker,

and they got wedged way up
in the crack
of your little tushie.

Ew, stop.
Clearly, someone's
picking on the kid.

Gah, fine!
It's Johnny Atkins!

It's 'cause I'm not
in school to protect
you anymore, dummy.

Protect me?
Protect him?

Yes. All those years while
you went about your days
blissfully unscathed,

I was working
in the shadows,

ensuring that
no one laid a finger
on your delicate,

under developed
little bird body.ADAM: What?

But I just figured I was
generally accepted and liked!

Oh, God, no.

Well, I guess it's up
to Mama to fix it.

Mom, hear my words.

This is the one thing
on the planet
you cannot fix for me.

Schmoo,
when you were little,

there was always
a mean bully at school

and like always,
Mama fixed it.

How?
Easy!

A play date.
A play date?

Works every time!
I don't need a play date.

I just need to handle this
on my own.

Fine, if that's what
you really want,

I have no choice but
to respect your wishes.

Sup, Goldnerd?

She did not in any way
respect my wishes!

Can we start this
play date already?

Friday nights are when
I deep-condition my ponytail.

Then why did
you agree to this?

I didn't. Your smoking
hot mom forced me.

It's true.

I cornered him in that park
where all the boys and girls
go to study in their cars

and said that I'd scratch
his Celica with a wine opener

if he didn't agree
to a play date.

Totino's Pizza Rolls?
Leave the pizza rolls and go!

Oh, I'll just take out
the trundle bed

in case you want
to sleep over, Jonathan.

Ha, even your room
is nerdy!

Can't wait to tell
everyone at school
your bed has a baby bed.

ADULT ADAM: Turns out
it's impossible to have
a play date

with someone you have
nothing in common with.

Seven!
Goonies never say die!

Do Goonies ever say,
"You're a turd farmer?"

That's a no
on the board games.

Ooh!
You like Ghostbusters?

Check it out.
I got the Ecto-1 Autobot!

How about we make
a stop-motion animation
where it transforms?

How about I transform
my foot up your butt?

How about I just
play a movie

so we don't have
to interact at all?

Now we're talking.

What dumb-ass thing
is this?

Hello?
It's Highlander?

We talked about it
in shop class?

You're in my shop class?

Yeah, let's just watch
in silence.

ADULT ADAM: Lucky for me,
Highlander is so ridiculously badass,

even Johnny Atkins couldn't
deny its awesomeness.

There can be only one.

Dude,
this movie is the best!

Sword fighting!
Queen music!

Sean Connery
rockin' a pony tail!

Is this play date
actually working?No.

Man, I'd give anything
to be immortal,

see all of history unfold
before my very eyes,
you know?

You'd also have to watch
all the people you love die.

So really,
it's a gift and a curse.

Whoa.
I know, bro.

Hey, what if there was a way
to find other people
who like Highlander

and then
we all meet regularly
to talk about it?

Like a club?
Hell yeah!

Boys, it's way too late.

If you're not gonna
settle down, Johnny's
got to sleep downstairs.

No, no! We're going to bed!
I'm, like, already asleep.

ADULT ADAM:
And so I had a new friend.

Meanwhile, Barry was trying
to lock his down forever.

JTP?
ALL: JTP.

Graduation is 12 weeks away,

which is why I've planned 12
weekends of JTP shenanigans
to cement our friendship.

Awesome!
Yeah!

Dude!
I'll do anything
if it's in a calendar!

That's just the beginning,
'cause I also mapped out

the next 12 months
of our lives.

Wait, 12 months?
Won't we all be
in college then?

Welcome to our futures.

We're gonna visit
each other every weekend,

and, on Thursdays,
we'll have a conference call

from 7:00 p.m.
'til question mark.

Bro, I totally want to
hang out next year, too,
but this feels very intense.

Then hold onto your tiny,
flea-sized hat, Andy!

'Cause I also mapped out
the next 12 years.

Uh-oh.
Dude.

It's in a calendar,
so I gotta do this!

But wait.
Behold the next 12 decades.

First,
we'll all find wives,

get married in
a five-way wedding,

and each have four kids.

Except for Naked Rob,
because he doesn't have
parental instincts,

but will be the cool uncle
to our lousy rugrats.

I do have an uncle vibe,
but you can't map out
our whole lives.

Yeah, I don't think
my future wife

is gonna like
any of this.

You can tell
that nasal-voiced nag

to put a sock in it,
Andrew!

Hey!
You don't get it.

If we don't do this,
the next time
we see each other

will be in a mall parking lot
10 years from now.

Look, Bar, we appreciate
all your unnecessary energy,

but we can't commit
to the next 12 decades,

so, hasta luego?

Don't you dare
swear at me,
Matt Bradley!

ADULT ADAM: While Barry was worried about his buddies drifting apart,

one movie
had brought together
my geeky pals

and Johnny's way cooler
band of friends.

Thanks for coming to
the HighlanderClub.

I see some new faces to the
after-school activities scene.

When do we get
the big knives?

I wanna cut someone
for real!

Love that spirit,
but let's walk before we run.

First, we watch the movie,

then we our pick our roles,

and divvy up scenes
to re-enact!

Pass.
I'm out.

Yeah,
I wish you all the best.

No, screw your safety.
Let's just fight!

But then all
this club will be

is a bunch of people
hitting each other with...

Ow!
Extracurricular activities
are fun!

Ha-ha, that is fun!
I'm back in!

Ow!
Hey, why are there children
in my wood shop

looking all eager
and excited?

We're starting
a HighlanderClub,
and maybe you...

Nah.
Faculty advisors
get a $35 stipend.

Then, as your advisor,
I advise you not
to bother me with stuff.

Yes! He has a laissez-faire
attitude about his role!

Let's go sharpen our swords
and really take our time.

Ow!

Thanks a lot, dude.
You gave all the jerks
in school weapons

and a scheduled time
to beat us.

I know what I did,
Dave Kim,

but maybe it won't be
as bad as we think.

Oh, balls!

Let's shake the nerd trees
and see what falls out.

Adrenaline got me up here,
but I can't sustain it!

Come to Mama, Dave Kim.

Do you think this is
one of those situations

where she's mean to me
because she really likes me?

I don't think so, pal!

What's the plan here, guys?
My hands and legs
are fatigued!

Wait, I got it!

Have any of you seen
the gymnastics action
movie Gymkata?

Screw you and your movies!

That's why we're
in this mess!

Trust me! We just have
to swing to each other
using our core strength

and then form
a human bridge to...

Aah!

Ow!
I was wrong!

It's not a situation
where she likes me!

Ow!

ADULT ADAM:
The JTP may have rejected
Barry's 12-decade plan,

but he wouldn't
let that stop him.

Stop!
Stop beat boxing, JTP.

I've figured out
how we'll stay
friends forever.

Oh, God,
not another plan.

Trust me.
This one is so good,

even Andy's future joyless nag
of a wife can get behind it.

I realize there's only one
logical way to guarantee

we see each other all the time
when we're all grown up.

Liberty Seats
at Veterans Stadium.

Liberty what?

An elite ticket membership
giving us access
to not one, not two,

but 300 nights
of entertainment a year!

These seats offer everything!

The Eagles! Phillies!

That sport you play on ice
with the broom!

Strange religious events!

Local graduation ceremonies.

The Kensington Dog Show.

Michael Jackson,
Jackson Browne,

James Brown, James Taylor,
and Taylor Dayne,

all for the low price
of 10 grand apiece.

10 grand?
Dude, are you nuts?

I have $37.

My wife is gonna
be so pissed.

Well, Andy, tell her to
go herself.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Whoa-ho-ho!
Dude!

Look, we don't
know what's gonna
happen after high school,

but that doesn't mean we're
gonna stop being friends.

You guys don't get it!

My dad had his own JTP,
and now, if they're lucky,

they only see each other
every 10 years!

Bar, just because they
don't see each other,
doesn't mean we won't.

But their group
was just like ours.

First off,
there's five of them.

Whoa,
that is just like us.

They called themselves
The Jokers.

JTP also starts with a J!

Each of them had nicknames
based in truth!

One of them
was called Tall Jake
'cause he was tall.

I'm Naked Rob
and I like to get naked!

And the similarities
stop there.

We got to get
the Liberty Seats!

I was so against this
five minutes ago,

but now I've never wanted
anything more!

Guys, I might have
a better idea

that won't cost us
thousands of dollars
and hours of our lives.

That can't be true.
Everyone ignore Matt Bradley

and empty your wallets
into my hands.

Yep.

We're just freaked out
we're gonna drift apart

like your dad
and his friends.

But what if we got them
back together?

That's true.
If Barry's extremely
off-putting father

can have
lifelong friends,

then we for sure will,
too.

This paper-thin logic
is oddly comforting!

Wow, Matt Bradley just
had his first good idea.

Thanks maybe.
JTP forever!

TOGETHER: JTP forever!

ADULT ADAM: As the JTP
set off with a plan,

my mom's plan for a play date had majorly backfired.

BEVERLY:
There's my Schmoo.

Ant on a log
coming your way.

Save your logs, lady!
I've got a bone to pick
with you!

Let me guess.
Play date backfired, and now
it's 10 times worse?

Yes!

Thanks to Johnny,
a bunch of cool older
dudes in school

have united to form
a nerd hit squad.

Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
Just let Mama fix it.

I'll invite Johnny
and the whole gang over
for a big group play date.

ADULT ADAM: Group play date?

The crazy lady
had to be stopped.

I had no choice but to leave
Johnny'sHighlander Club
and start my own.

Hey, Mr. Crosby,
you got a sec?

Nope.
Good.

With your permission,
we'd like to start a new,

second, more gentle
HighlanderClub.

No.
What? Why not?

Because there
can be only one!

HighlanderClub.

M-Maybe there can be two?

Dude! You're
starting your own club

based on the movie
I introduced you to?

This betrayal
will not stand!

My HighlanderClub challenges
yours to a battle!

We have no club!

Mr. Crosby specifically said
there can be only one!

Actually,
this challenge makes sense.

Like the epic conflict
between Connor MacLeod

and the fearsome
but misunderstood Kurgan,

you must both fight
for "the prize."

You will fight
only in the shadows,

never in woodshop!

Consider this holy ground
because I don't want
you touching my stuff.

If a sword touches
your neck or your
lower head, you are out.

The last one standing
earns the right to lead
his own HighlanderClub.

Or, maybe
there can be two?

Nope,
there can be only one!

HighlanderClub.

See you in the hallways,
dorks.

ADULT ADAM: With that,
the future of the club
was up for grabs,

and Barry was gonna reunite
our dad with his past.

Thanks for coming
out with me and the JTP
for my birthday, Dad!

Whatever you want, pal.

I definitely knew
it was your birthday
because I'm a good dad.

There he is!
Mur Man!

Kormy!
What the hell?

Surprise!
It's devastating that
you don't know this,

but it's not my birthday!

We got all The Jokers
back together!

You sons of bitches,
how ya been?

Better now that
you're here, Smiles.

Did they just call
your dad "Smiles"?

Looking good,
Dancing Bruce,

or should I say
the honorable
Dancing Bruce.

All rise to boogie!

Are they called The Jokers
'cause they're bad at jokes?

The Jokers!

Morons, you did good.

That was the best night
I've had in a long time.

So, uh, when do you want
to see The Jokers again?

I don't know. Uh, maybe
I'll run into one of them
in a couple of years.

And that's it?
Yeah.

But you had so much fun.
Don't you want
to do this more?

Yeah, maybe you guys should
start a bowling team.

Why do any of you care
what I do?

Or a weekly barbecue.

Who are you?
Who is this moron?

Geoff Schwartz.

You know my parents.
I'm dating your daughter.

Dad, if you only see your
friends once a decade,

they're not really
your friends.

I don't know
what to tell you.
Life goes on.

You get old,
you get married,

your friends fall
by the wayside.

Does he really
not know me?

ADAM: Erica, wake up!
It's the middle of the day!

We need you!
Leave me alone.
It's Sunday.

It's Thursday.

Ooh, I missed
a job interview
this morning.

Guess the universe
doesn't want me
to be a sandwich artist.

You know what
the universe does want?

For you to protect me
like the old days
when I was safe and free.

But it doesn't
teach you anything.

C'mon,
it's time you finally learn
to stick up for yourself.

Maybe I wasn't clear.

I don't need hollow words.

I need you
to ball up your fists
and wreck some fools!

Dude, you can't just
rely on other people to
fight your battles.

Does someone
need to rely on me
to fight his battles?

See? You either
stand up and fight

or face a lifetime
of play dates.

Play dates obviously.

Obviously.
Yeah.

No!
My groggy sister may have
no purpose or prospects,

but she's right.
We have to fight back

'cause we have something
that Johnny Atkins
and his crew don't have.

All their baby teeth?
No.

A crush on their cousin?
No!

Their very own fern?
No!

A mama who will fix it?
No!

We are all skilled
with the blade.

I myself have a lifetime of
training with a lightsaber.

You also have a mama
who will fix it.

Mikey, Sirota,
you both learned
a ton of stage combat

when you played Tybalt
and Mercutio

in Romeo and Juliet,
right?

Yeah.
True.

And, Dan,
your malnourished body

has less surface area
to poke and stab.

My pediatrician
is concerned.

Which is why you need
someone's mama to fix it!

Why are you not
getting this?

Dave Kim,
your turtleneck protects
your neck and extremities

in a way
no one can penetrate!

That's neither true
nor a skill,

but your confidence
has me amped!

What just happened?

Adam finally realized
that my advice
is better than yours.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go
cut my own hair.

There can be only one,
and it shall be
the five of us!

Wha!

Rah!
Aah!

♪ We're the princes
of the universe

♪ Here we belong ♪

Johnny Atkins!
Let our hour-long
feud end here!

Fine!
There can be only one!

HighlanderClub.
Yah!

Aah!

JOHNNY: Oh, no!

The nerds are super
fired up and have
unwarranted confidence!

How is this happening?

ADULT ADAM: I'll tell you how.

While Johnny and his friends spent their weekends partying and living it up,

me and my friends
spent our time
swinging around lightsabers

and perfecting
our stage combat
moves for drama club.

That fateful day,
being geeks all our lives
had finally paid off.

Yeah!

Do you yield?
Totally.

Dude, that's sorta
my girlfriend!

Hey, Atkins.

Ow, dang it, man.
That slightly hurt
for a second.

The club belongs to us,
which means you can
go crawling back

to your charmed,
awesome lives.

Wait, we can't be
in your club?

Yeah,
this was surprisingly fun.

Sorry, boys,
enrollment is closed.

But I've never been kicked out
of anything before!

Wanna just go back to scoring
touchdowns and getting girls?

Sure.
That works.

What do I do
with this stuff?

ADULT ADAM: Having finally
conquered my bully,

I came home to celebrate, but there was one more battle left to fight.

Greetings, aimless sister.

Thy brother
has returned a hero.Wow.

He thirsts for beer
of the root.

Finally beat a bully,
and yet you're nerdier
than ever.

Thank you.
You know, my whole life,
I've been hearing

"Mama will fix it,"
and a part of me
wanted her to.

Believe me,
I really get it.

Well, thanks to you,
I finally think the days

of her getting involved
in my relationships are over.

You are
in deep trouble,
mister.

Shame on you for picking
on this poor boy.Tell him, Mrs. G.

Dude, did you go to
my mom to fix it?

I had no choice.

Your mean behavior
made me feel

completely small
and powerless.

Hello? The minute Erica
stopped protecting me,
that's what you did to me!

Schmoopaloo.
Ba-bap!
I'm gonna fix it.

Look, you have a true,
wonderful gift
for busting balls,

but you use it for evil!

All I did was show you
how it feels.

But the difference is
I did all that stuff
before we were friends.

You think we're friends?

Well, yeah?
Don't you?

If we're friends,
then why'd
you take over my club?

Dude, it was our club,
but then you started
a new one without me,

and then you destroyed
my old club,

and then Dave Kim
stole my girlfriend,

and all my friends went back
to playing sports.

Wow.

Guess I am the bully.

Maybe we just call it even?

I got a bootleg
of Highlander 2.

Thought maybe we could
check it out.

Oh, man, yes!

Prepare to be majorly
disappointed.

Wow.
Play dates do work.

Aww.

You're a good daughter.

And an even better sister
for protecting Adam
all those years.

I love the little nerd.
Just don't tell him that.

ADULT ADAM: In the end,
I didn't need my mom's help,

but it turns out my dad
needed Barry's.

TOGETHER:
E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!

I thought you said
you were good
for another 10 years?

Well, I had such
a great time
the other night

that I wanted
to see them again.
You happy?

Doesn't mean the JTP
won't drift apart
like you guys did.

No, no, no.
You guys won't

because you have the one thing
that we never had.

You.

You care so much
about your friends

that you got me
back together with mine.

Everyone needs a friend
like you, moron.

Thanks, Dad.

Thank you.

ADULT ADAM: Barry had come up with a million ways to keep the JTP together,

but seeing my dad,
he realized
all he needed was one.

Hey.

I got you
a little something.

What is all this?

I know it's not realistic
to map out
the next 120 years,

but I can at least reserve
eight days a year.

That sound doable.

Good.

'Cause I'm gonna work
my ass off as a doctor

so I can buy
five season tickets
to the Eagles games

for the rest of our lives.

Dude, are you serious?

JTP forever.

JTP forever.

ALL: JTP forever.

Andy, your hand's so small.

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I need somebody

ADULT ADAM:
Turns out the JTP
really is forever.

To this day, they still go
to those Eagles games,

wear those same jerseys,
and laugh like the old days.

That's the thing
about friendship.

Whether your lifelong pals
or a newly forged alliance,

in the end, whatever battles
and hardships you face,

you can do it together.

♪ I need somebody

♪ Yeah, what about you

♪ We all need somebody ♪

I'm here with
the real Mike Levy
and Dave Sirota.

They've been friends with
the real Adam Goldberg
since childhood.

Now, this episode is about
the HighlanderClub.

Is it real?
Yes, we did this
in high school.

It was a point of ridicule,

and then became a point
of fascination,

and then it became
a full-fledged phenomenon.

The HighlanderClub actually
did bring people together
at our high school.

We became friends
with Corbett through
theHighlander Club.

We had the captain
of the football team
all sword playing.

I particularly liked
just saying,

over and over again,
"There can be only one."

Rah!
Aah!

What eventually happened
to the HighlanderClub?

The HighlanderClub
was forcibly disbanded

by the school
administration.

I can't believe I'm
in an actual school club.

Yeah, now you finally
have something

to put on your
college resume.College?

You blew it, Carla.

You'll rue the day you ever
picked Dave Kim over me.

I'm a potential
college applicant now.

Um, yeah, right.

Davey K. respects me,
listens to me,

and hides from me
because I terrify him.

It's so hot.

Damn it!
I love her!

Tell me
exactly what I got to do

to get
into a fancy college

and become a rich,
international man of business.

I guess you can start by
going to the college fair
they have every year.

Too much work. I'm out.
Your advice sucks, Goldnerd.

I wish we never
had that play date.